The Hard Word (2002) Script

The.Hard.Word.2002.720p.BluRay.x264.YIFY "The hard Word" a.k.a.:"The Australian Job"


Get off me, you prick!

"Portnoy's Complaint".

Who wants that? Mildenhall.

Mildenhall wants "Portnoy's Complaint", eh?

I'll bet he fucking does.

What's he complaining about?

Oh, his mother, women, not enough sex.

You know, the usual. Any good?

That would depend on whether you've spoofed all over the toothbrushes as your mother tying to bash down the bathroom door.

"Wanker's Bible". It's pretty funny.

I'll have a go after Mildenhall.

Tell him it'll cost him a drink. Big or little drink?

Oh, well, that depends on how thirsty he is. Hey, Dougie?

"The 100 most asked questions about love, sex and relationships."


The only relationship Donelly ever had was with a fucking sheep.

Wouldn't you be a mutton man, Doug?

I can see you going full clacker with a prize ram.

Don't push it, Twentyman.

Oh, sorry, mate.

Your ass. Governor's office, now.

You're a prince, mate. See you, Deano.

He's the king.

Cheeky bastard.

( Speaks backwards )

( Speaks backwards )

Could do worse.

Long as he doesn't come at me when the knife's in my hand.

I think that's part of the attraction.

What are you girls nattering about, eh?

Wouldn't be planning a mutiny now, would you?

No, sir. Nothing like that, sir.

We love it here.

You're out, Twentyman.

Governor's office, now.

You right to finish this off, Tone?

Oh, yeah. Course he is.

MAN: Pick up. Mate, no.


Right, from here. Here.

Everything has to come from here.

And nothing can go wrong.

Hit the shower, muscles. You're sprung.

What day is it?

Your lucky day. Governor's office.

For me. Dougie will show you.


Hi. Are you ready to order?


Um...full English breakfast, extra sausages, extra toast, whole-wheat.

I'd like a, er, barbecue sauce with that, and, um, a hot... no, a Dijon mustard and, um, a large cappuccino.

Toast and tea, thanks, love.

Yeah. What sort of tea?

Ordinary, and white toast.

And you, sir?

Yeah. "Tapenade". Bok-a-kini." Blah, blah, blah.

Bloke doesn't know what he's ordering anymore.

Er, the, "brushedda", "drizzled with, er, extra virgin olive oil."


It's toast with fancy stuff. It's a girl's thing. Have the breakfast.

I don't want the breakfast.

I want the Bruschetta, but I don't want it drizzled with extra virgin fucking anything.

What can I have instead?

Oh, anything, as long as it's on the menu.

Chips. I want it with chips.

Just ordinary chips, right?

Straight ones. Nice, long, straight ones.

Alright, there's the plate.

I want the toast thing there, the chips there, right?

Toast thing, chips. Got it.

And would you like a drink with that, sir?

Yes. A Pepsi, no ice.

Oh, I'm sorry. We only have Coke here, sir.

I don't want, er, Coke. I want Pepsi.

I'll get him a Pepsi.

Cold in a can!

We've got time for a swim after this.

How long we got?

48 minutes.

We haven't got any trunks.

Then we'll go in our undies.

I'm not wearing any.

Well, I'll buy you some.

Undies? Trunks, mate.

Well, that's a waste of money.

Oh, I think we can afford it.

I got trunks at Mum's.

No, I don't want any more. I like the ones I got.


There you are, mate. There.

Ah, cold in a can.

Here's one I like. Race six in Melbourne.

The Sponge.

I thought we might go for a swim.

A swim? Haven't got any trunks.

What's going on now, mate?

Chips aren't straight. Yeah, they are?

Don't touch 'em.

I'm not eating that now. You touched it.


Want another chip, mate? Yeah.

Thanks, Shane.

Have I got time to place that bet now?



Yep. Lovely.

The grey Calais, mate.


Listen, mate...

It'll be funny not doing this anymore.

Is a fucking hoot, isn't it, really?

Next one, buddy.

Dale thinks this is the last time.

Never say never, baby.

Is it or isn't it?

I've got to know how to play.

What are you doing tonight?

So, he goes back inside. How long for this time?

He'll be a little while yet.

Does he know that?

Well, I haven't told him, no.

He'll go fucking apeshit.

And Shane, Shane will rip someone's head off.

The cops will straighten them out.

You're cold bastard, Frank. Iron-cold bastard.

Don't get me wet again. He'll know.

He's been in over two years. What's he expect?

Sexy little bint like you.

We're working on our dream, that's what he expects.

We're working on a dream, alright, and a beautiful dream it is.

Hey, Carol.

Alright, boys. It's only the cops.

My favourite sight. What's the split?

365 in change.

90 each? Not bad, not bad. Bag it.

We divvy up later on? Yeah, later.

Later today, alright?

You give us our money today. All of it, in cash.

The money's invested, fellas.

Wouldn't be good leaving a couple of million bucks sitting around in cash.

Frank. Boys.


Someone should call the police.

Go off alright?

It's going off, alright.

We all square then?

Yes, mate. All square. 50-50.

No one got hurt?

Only their feelings.

Always nice doing business with the best.

Well, I'll take the fellas in then, finalise the, er, paperwork.

Best kind of paperwork, I reckon, eh? Counting cash?

Is that Dale in there?


Give him a hurry-up, will you?

Dale! Come on, mate. You've never taken this long before.

Get in.

Call you when we're done, eh?

Oh, g'day, fellas.

Jesus, mate. What's going on in there?

So, how many is this, then?

Don't know. 10? 12.

12, what, couple of years?

Two years, four months, eight days.

We'll be sorry to see you go.

There'll be plenty of other blokes.

Nah, not with your track record. Every one a winner.

No witnesses, no GBH, no worries.

Beauty. Got one.

The races are over, spaz.

Footy game tonight. I can see the score.

Where you going tonight?

Hotel. Coogee Bay, I reckon.


You going to stick around for a bit?

Couple of weeks, see some old mates.

I have been thinking about Adelaide.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah. I like it down there.

Clean, dry.

It's shit as.

As soon as Frank gives us the money, I'm getting the first plane to...

Gold Coast.

What about you?

You going to find that place in the country?

Yeah. Get ourselves organised, start having a look.

Come on.

# Copper, copper

# What's the colour of # a two-cent piece?

# Copper, copper

# What's the colour of # a two cent piece?

# All coppers are cunts

# All coppers are cunts

# All coppers are cunts

# What's the colour of # a two cent piece?

# Copper, copper.


Sorry to keep you waiting. You know.

Paperwork. Fucking nightmare.

Now, I need you guys to sign here and there.

Let's have a little look, eh?

What's going on?

Well, fellas, there's been a bit of a hitch.

We're going back inside?

It's for your own protection. You guys will need an alibi.

Now, you've been here with us all day.

Why do we suddenly need an alibi?

Serious Crime's got involved, Dale.

The driver saw your face, gave a perfect description.

You've fucking had him in here, haven't you?

You fuck, prick. This has been a line-up, fellas.

Don't get paranoid, sport. It's just a precaution.

We take you out of the picture for two days until the whole thing blows over.

The Governor signed our fucking RELEASE FORMS, mate!

So, he unsigns them.

Paperwork, right? Exactly.


You've been in police custody all day, helping us with our inquiries.

What's the Governor's cut? He must be making a packet out of this.

Start making allegations like that, Dale, I don't like your chances.

Can't lie to Shane.

He always knows. Does not like it.

You better fucking grab him, mate.

Fuckin' Frank. This was his idea.

But he's our lawyer.

You're very sweet, mate, but sometimes you are thick.

I've been a bit thick too.

You're not thick, mate. Genius of the family.

I've got a million bucks I can't get, and a bent lawyer who's poking my wife.

Aw, mate. No way! Not that, not fucking her.

He's probably poking her right now.

Yeah, but Carol's a beaut. She'd never do that to you.

She loves you.

See, mate? You can't lie to Shane.

Er, it doesn't mean they're... You know, I mean...

Calm down, Shane. I believe you, OK? Carol and Frank.



Sorry I'm late. Traffic was terrible.

Yeah, I know what traffic can be like.

Don't be like that.

I came, didn't I?

I was looking forward to it.

Don't be a tart.

Aw, I thought you liked me being a tart.

I like you being my tart.

Well, we'll see whose tart I am when you get home, huh?

Whenever the fuck that might be.

I wonder if it'll be the same.

Why wouldn't it?

We haven't really seen each other properly in the last couple of years.

Hard for a girl to keep her mind on the job.

My mind is exactly where it's been since the day we met.

How am I supposed to know that?

Listen to yourself.

Just have a little listen to yourself.

You're really giving me the shits, sweetheart.

I have to listen to stories in here every day about blokes' wives fucking off with other blokes.

That's what I have to fuckin' listen to.

And who would I fuck off with, then, hmm?

Frank Malone?

Well, that fuckin' cunt's the reason why we're back in here.

You think I'm fucking Frank?

Do you?

You think I'm fucking Frank Malone?

Say it, Dale.

Say it to my face - you think I'm fucking Frank.

Go on. I dare you.

Well, are you? Fuck you!

You're paranoid.

Why don't you call me when you're back on your medication?


I don't know how you do it.

Special privileges. Good behaviour.

It takes me back.

Nothing like slaughtering to get the blood up.

Where'd you do your apprenticeship again?


Fuckin' mad town. You ever been up the Top End?

Too hot and sticky for me. I like it clean - clean and dry.

Nah, hot and sticky's the go, mate.

Makes the sheilas bang like bloody battleships.

Yeah? Shit, yeah.

I've had the clap up there more times than bloody Don Bradman.

Don Bradman had the clap?

No, mate. It's a, you know, it's an expression.

How do you want to do this - just stab it?

We've got to catch it first, then we, ah, cut her, hang her on the hook, catch the blood in the tub.

Ah, for sausages! Blood sausages.

Yeah! Shane's birthday soon.

Yeah. They're his favourite.

Fucking hoovers them, mate!

You're an artist, mate. You're like fuckin' Salvador Dali.

I can walk myself. Don't touch me! What are you?


Piss off!


My name's Jane Moore. And you are?

It's Shane, is that right?

My friends call me "Muscles".

I'm sure they do. I'll call you Shane.

Do you know why you're here, Shane?

It says something in your file about an anger problem.

I've been on remand for two years, more than two, and I was supposed to be out last week.

THAT is my problem.

You're innocent - is that what you're telling?

You heard me. Yeah, I did.

I'm just not quite sure I understand you.

Well, bloody listen, then! You're raising your voice, Shane.

Am I?

People usually raise their voices when they're angry.

I'm not angry.

How DO you feel? Very pissed off.

And the difference is?

Have you always felt "pissed off"?

Maybe I have. Who gives a shit?

You've got two brothers - older brothers?


Dale is the smart one, Mal is the good one and I'm the fuck-up.

What about your parents?

Dad was...IS a butcher.

Mum is...

Mum is Mum, you know.

My mum. Mummy.

Do you think she loved you, your mum?

Can you tell me what's funny about that?

There's nothing funny about that.

Why are you laughing?

You're not married?



Are you, Jane?

I ask the questions here.


Because we're not here to talk about me.

You should be married. You're very beautiful.

I hope they're paying you overtime.

Nice of you to show up. Did you get things sorted out?

Not exactly. There's been a bit of a fuck-up.

That's interesting because I've been thinking about changing lawyers.

Well, it's not down to me, mate, no.

No, the driver picked you out of the book, first go.

Then there's the bad news.

What's the bad news?

They lifted your prints from the truck.


You were driving, weren't you?

I was also wearing gloves.

Your gloves must've come off for a sec.

Get fucked.

All is I know is they took your full left set, off the dash, just by the wheel.

Are you my lawyer or someone else's?

I've sorted out the Governor. It cost a few bob, I tell you.

But our big worry now is Serious Crimes.

Why's that? Don't they drink?

Those choirboys know O'Riordan pulls the odd rort, and they're dead keen to nail one on him - this one.

But they're not going to nail this one on him, are they, mate?

No, mate. They are not.

Just as long as we all keep as cool as fucking Casanova.

So how long are we supposed to sit in here?

A couple of weeks. Couple. Two?

Well, I thought it's gonna be more to tell you the truth.

I'd say three.

First week of November then?

Sounds about right.

Shane's birthday, the third. Be nice if we could celebrate it properly.

Third? That's a Sunday. Right.

I'll do my best.

You'd better change your shirt.

You've got some lipstick on your collar.

>> Voice ready. Call Carol.

>> Telephone - >> dial memory 52.

>> Hi. We're not at home. >> Leave a message.

Come on.

Carol, where the hell are you?

>> I've been calling you for hours.

>> Listen, we've got >> a lot to talk about.

>> Call me when you get in.

OK. 'Bye.

Fuck it.

Hey, yours is bigger than mine.

That's the luck of the draw, mate.

Shut up. Look.

Oh, fuck you.

Where did he get fresh kidney from? I love kidney.

Where did he learn to cook?

He didn't learn from Mum, that's for fuckin' sure.

So, I had a visit from Frank.

Told me we'd be out by your birthday.

Yeah, right.

Frank is a clever bastard, though, sometimes.

I think he's got something major lined up.

You reckon?

So tell us about this new counsellor.


She's nice.

What did you tell her? I didn't tell her nothing.

You must've talked about something.

She told me about her marriage.

Fucking nightmare - worse than Mum and Dad.

She's not supposed to do that.

People tell me all kinds of stuff.

Sit me down with Carol for an hour and I'll tell you about your marriage.

So what happened when they split up? Did he leave or did she?

Uh, she left.

She took me and we went to live with a "friend" of hers.

A male friend?

A woman...friend.


It's common enough these days, but back then, in the country, it caused a right bloody stink.

Three of us living in a tiny caravan in the centre of town, you know.

Dad - fuck.

And how long did that go on for? Till I was 18.

Then the boys came, put me to work.

Do you like robbing banks?

Off the record - I fucking love it! Yes!

There is nothing wrong with robbing banks.

So what is it exactly that's troubling you?

No, I can't tell you that.

You have to tell someone. No. I don't.

There's nothing so bad that you can't talk about.

It's good to get it out.

You laughed like that before. Did I? When?

When you talked about your mum.

No, I can't tell you...

...'cause you'd hate me.


My job's to listen, not to judge.

OK, I was 12 or 13.

And I was big for my age. I mean, BIG, you know?

Have you ever been in a caravan?

One tiny bed.

The three of us slept in that together.


Was it a sexual relationship?

Was it?

You want to know what happened in the caravan?

In the bed, in the caravan?

I love you. I love you.

Oh, mate! Like I said, you're a bloody artist.

More nutmeg.

It was good you remembered Shane's birthday.

Get him that present?

Serious Crimes paid you a visit yet?

No, Frank.

Oh. We've got big problems, mate.

You might have big problems, but I've got the perfect alibi.

We gotta disappear, all of us, for a long time.

That's exactly what I intend to do.

I mean a long time. You need a lot of money for that.

I've got a lot of money. A million?

Can't even buy a decent house for that these days.

This bastard has got better taste than I thought.

This is a fucking classic, mate. You should read this.

It's about the joys of modern marriage.

I'll read it on my next honeymoon. Forget it, Frank. I've retired.

Fine. That's fine.

You spend the first 20 years of your retirement right here.

Is that so? Yes.

Yes, it is.

And I'll be in the next fucking ceil...

...unless we go for the big one.

Yeah, right. The big one.

I have got the scoop on the biggest pile of cash in history.

You'll be out tomorrow.


Why might you be doing us this big favour, Frank?

Something tells me you might prefer keeping me here.

I need you, Dale.

You're the best.

Couple of cookies, eh?

Some cookies, boys.

Give you a bit of ham there, mate.

Hey, look what I found, mate! Look at those.

Oh, shit! Sausage - you shouldn't have.

Oh! Happy birthday, mate.

Oh... Thanks!

Blood sausage, my absolute all-time favourite.

Did youse make this yourselves?

Oh, yeah. Tony give us a hand. Yeah.

Oh, thanks, Tone. No worries.

Thanks. This is the best present I ever had.

# I hear it's your birthday, # you're still a fucking prick, # I haven't got a present, # but I'll let you suck my dick!

Right. Look in here.

Navarone. Hey, Dave! Navarone, mate. Any chance?

50 to 1, mate. Not a fucking prayer.

Hey, I got one. Sun God, 6 to 1.

That's the favourite. Half your fucking luck!

Hear that? Happy birthday, mate.

You get out tomorrow, don't youse? Yep.

Scoot down to the Melbourne races.

No, 'cause punting's for mugs, eh?

Here you go, mate.


You want some? No, mate. They're yours.

No, it's for you.

Hey? Oh, yeah.


What are you doing here?

Expecting someone else?

No. I was just going out.


Last time you popped Veuve was at Porky Carson's funeral.

I like funerals.

All those guilty secrets dead and buried.

So whose turn is it this time?

Ours. It's our turn, baby.

Yeah? Someone gonna knock us off?

It's a possibility.

This is why we're out of here.

Yeah? Where are we supposed to be going?


What would we do in France?

Get pissed and look at paintings. Shit, I don't know.

We could get pissed and look at paintings here.

We can't. We're gone this week.

What about Dale?

What about him?

He is my husband.

We are married, remember.

You've acted pretty married to me for more than two years now.

Yeah, well, I needed someone to look after me.

Oh, come on, Frank.

I did have fun.

Fun? I'm fucking crazy about you. You know I am.

Come on. What do you say?

We say we don't want it to get messy.

>> Hi, we're not at home.

>> Leave a message and >> we'll get back to you.

Not the only one, am I?

No. There's Dale. I don't mean him.

I mean since he's been inside you've been fucking other people.

Haven't you?

It's none of your business.

Who do the fuck you think I've been doing it all for, Carol?

Oh, you've been doing it all for Frank, Frank.

Come off it.

I know what you're like. Yeah?

Oh, what am I like?

Greedy little tart.

Uses anyone stupid enough to take you seriously.

Oh, you think you can just buy me?

That's no sale, sweetheart.

Fuck you and fuck Dale, 'cause in a couple days I'll have my hands on 20 million bucks!


Where would you get 20 million bucks?

I got a hot tip on a horse.

Oh, fuck, you're pathetic. Get out.

I'll get out when I'm good and ready.

Well, Dale will be home tomorrow. I suggest you're out by then.


Oh, no. He won't be back for a long time.

So you may as well learn to live with it.

The question is...

...could I learn to live with you?

You could live with 20 million bucks, baby.


Yeah, no problem at all.

All the money in the world won't save you if Dale finds out about us.

Dale couldn't hurt anyone. He hasn't got the guts.

Then you haven't been paying attention.

Well, boys, this is it.

I have to say we'll be sorry to see you go.

Bloody bet you will, sir.

What are your...plans for the future?

Dale and his wife are looking at a B&B in the country.

It's very nice.

Ah, I see. And you, Malcolm?


Going back into the butchering, sir.

Yes, of course. I've heard about your culinary skills.

The other prisoners will be sorry to see you leave too.

What's the matter with him?

I don't know. He was like this when I went for him.


Come on! What the fuck are they doing?!

We'll miss the fucking plane. Fuck!

What plane? Plane to Melbourne.

Plane to Melbourne?

Shit, just keep it down, will you, Dale? Please.

I don't know anything about a plane to Melbourne.

I said shut it, Dale.

You haven't told the old guv about this one, obviously.

What are we going to Melbourne for?

It's Tuesday tomorrow, isn't it?

The first Tuesday in November.

The first Tuesday in November, Mal.

Melbourne Cup, mate. Fantastic!

I've never been to the Cup. Thanks, Frank.

Food poisoning. Serious case, actually.

Does anybody know if he's eaten anything unusual over the past 24 hours?

Oh, shit. I beg your pardon?

Sausages. I made him special sausages for his birthday.

It's been a bit warm.

Let's hope it's not salmonella.

In any case, he'll have to stay In the infirmary for observation.

Fair enough. We'll come pick him up when's he better. Let's go, fellas.

We don't go anywhere without Shane.

The plane. The plane!

It's actually an aeroplane, not a plane.

There's a difference. You can get a later one.

We're gonna stick around for a while.

That's impossible. You'll have to leave.

I've signed the release forms.

I'm feeling a bit crook myself, you know?

What about you?

Not so hot, mate.

Maybe we did eat some of them sausages.

That's what I'm thinking. Yep.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Hello? >> Yeah, it's Paul.

>> I spoke to a friend about that job.

No, no, no, going in. I want the English bloke.

>> The black fella? He was funny. I want funny.

Job description's changed since we last spoke.

>> Oh, yeah? Yeah.

Yeah, I need someone who can handle a bit of rough stuff.

>> Thought you said no one >> was going to get hurt.

That's during the job. After the job, three people are goin' to get very hurt.

>> So that changes the split, right?

This's pommy, what's his name? >> His name's Tarzan.

Yeah, yeah, that's the one. Yeah, I like him.

>> Let me get this other bloke...

Just book him! It's not a fucking beauty parade.

See you at the house at 3:00.

I just heard.

Is he alright? He's got a terrible fever.

Nurse, nurse! My thing has come out.

I'm pissing all over the bed!

I can do that if you want to see to him.

You're on the mend?

Oh, I'm feeling much better.

Hey. Let's go, eh?

Must be good to see your mum, eh?

Right. Get dressed. Plane to catch.

Ah, excuse us, please.

Yeah, he can't go anywhere. He's still sick.

He's been discharged, ma'am.

I can assure you he'll be properly taken care of.

Will I see you again?

He'll call you. Hm.

He'll call you tomorrow.

Relax, fellas. Make yourselves at home.

We were sort of planning on making ourselves at home today, Frank - at home.

Take it easy, mate. Just a couple more hours.

And then what?


...we knock off the Melbourne Cup.

No shit?

Well...where will you sell it?

Not the "Cup", the money.

The bookies' money. Fuck!

How much money? At least $10 million.

Depends what wins.

Long shot comes in, the bookies clean up, could be 20 million bucks.

Course there's lots of people to pay off on this one.


We don't like to work with other people, mate.

I've told you that.

This job's way too big for the three of you.

I'm guessing that Kelly and O'Riordan are not part of this.

No. It's Melbourne.

Yeah, right. Melbourne. Yeah.

>> Very wide betting races as we >> await the start of the Cup...

You boys relax, take it easy. Fix yourself a drink.

'Cause come six o'clock, you'll be more cashed up than Kerry Packer.


What's going on out there?

Oh, Frank's just explaining to our new friends how they've got to kill us when we get the money.

Which is pretty funny really, 'cause I was gonna to think...

Dale, Shane, Mal.

G'day, fellas. This is Paul.



This is last year.

Exactly the same set-up this time.

After the race, the bookies all come back to a hotel in the city to have a piss-up, settle their bets.

I'm in business with the head of the security company that runs the whole thing.

Shane and Tarzan, you'll take care of the surveillance cameras.

Dale, Mal, you handle the bookies.

Ah, excuse me, sir. I think you might've gone a bit mad.

There's only four of us.

Five. There's five of us.

Fine. Five. I'll even count you, Frank. That's six.

There's about 6 million fucking armed guards on that video.

I reckon there's a fair chance every cop in Melbourne will be listening to a radio.

Told you - we got an inside man.

It's all figured out.

Oh. I must have missed that bit.

Sorry. I'm a bit fucking thick sometimes, you know.

You ever had a fuck-up before?

We've never got too greedy before.

Let's just wait till we get there, OK?

The bloke getting you into the room will give you the run-down.

That's your horse there, Dale.


That one? 42?

Huh, 24, black and blue.

Fucking rubbish.

>> They 're just about set to go >> in the Melbourne Cup.

>> Starter 's got a pretty good line.

>> Just about ready. >> Moving towards the middle gate.

>> Horse settles down again.

>> They 're ready to run >> in the Melbourne Cup.

>> Stand by for the start.

Boys left town this morning. Frank was with them.

Something's going on.

Well, I've got no idea where they are.

Really nice garden, Carol. Thanks, Kelly.

Do it all yourself?

Oh, you know me. Yes, I do.


>> Starting at big odds of 50 to 1.

50 to 1? Shit.

You won the sweep, mate.

Life is full of surprises, isn't it?

400 bucks. Can I use that?

Good for all of us, eh? Fantastic.

It's all coming together.

I can see how it could all be coming together for you, Frank.

Particularly if you were to piss off with all the money and then piss off with my wife.

Jesus, Dale, eh?

Who's gone mad now?

You are fucking her, aren't you?

Feeling nervous before the big one, mate? That's not like you.

It's not just me. Shane thinks you're fucking her.

Your faith in Shane's powers of clairvoyance is touching.

Very touching.


Come on, Frankie, you can tell me.

You are, aren't ya?

Let's talk about this later.

No, fuck that. Let's talk about it now.

Alright. I'm not fucking her.

Ooh, he's not fucking her.

I swear, I wanna...

I hate that butcher talk bullshit. Tell him to speak English, will you?

Speak English, Shane.

I'm sorry, Frank. Frank, I'm gonna kill you.

Insanity runs in the family, mate.

How can you do it to me? How can you fucking do it to me?

Exactly! How could I do it to you? What kind of low bastard do you take me for?

The fuckin' lowest of the low, you cunt.

Oi! That's enough. Hey! Come on, you fucking bastard.

Fuck off!


Oh, fuck!

Next one of you wankers says a bloody word, I'll blow his bloody brains out.



Feel better, mate?

Everyone here? Everybody.


The bookies all arrive in 10 minutes.

They go straight up to their room under escort.

You two - my bookies, I'll take you in last, just as they're settling in.

You other two, you're doing the security room.

Your job is to shut down the video surveillance system and make sure you get all the tapes.

We don't want any faces on TV when the shit hits the fan.

The object of this exercise is to be rich.

We do not want to be famous.

There's a touch pad on the door.

Today's code.

Two guards - cuff 'em, do the business.

What's the matter with him?

He's just feeling a bit funny. He'll be right.

You think you can handle that?

I can handle anything.


And one more thing, gentlemen, most important... nobody gets hurt.

No one ever gets hurt, mate. I'm glad to hear that.

These are the hotel floor plans.

Now, while you gentlemen are doing your jobs, I'll be doing mine.

The guards will be pulled away from the bookies' room Long enough for you to get the money.

And then I'll also make sure your escape route's clear.

Coffee, anyone?

Concentrate, mate.

Great day for the race.



Hey. This it?

Can't you read, dickhead?

See that? "Surveillance".

Course I can fucking read. Give me that.

Hey! I'm in charge here.



Who is it? Let me in.

You have to enter the code.

It doesn't bloody work.

Do it or bugger off.


No guns.

I like guns, dickhead.

>> Slaveman from Kandahar.

>> Then further back with Sausage Sizzle.

>> Macaroni's coming.

>> He 's going to come home from >> the outside in the Melbourne Cup...

Let me just have your attention, please, ladies and gentlemen.

Stick 'em up.

You too, fellas.


That way. You right?

Let's keep this simple.

I'd like you all to lay on the floor, face down, nice and slowly.

Cuff yourselves together.

Don't be afraid. We've done this many times before.

If you stay calm, no one will get hurt. Isn't that right, mate?

No one will get hurt as long as you stay calm.

Come on, down we go, nice and slow. That's the way.

You too, love.

Good. Leave the mobile phone, mate.

Good man.

What's your name, buddy?



I've got a little job for you, Norbert.

We've got bodies up here, Frank. Lots of fucking bodies!

One of your stupid fucking morons is blowing people away!

Alright, then, mate. What's happening?

Someone got hurt.


Eyes closed, please. Head down.

Good on you, Norbert. Close the door, mate, won't you?

Watch out.

Put it down. Put it down.

Where you been, mate? Tarzan went apeshit.

Come on, fellas, let's go.

Don't shoot me.

Where the fuck are they?

I can't... Fuck!

I said nobody gets hurt.


This way.

What? Are you alright? Get over!

Well, what's happened? Bugger the fuckers!

You'll lose the money. Fuck!

Oi! Dale.

Come on, mate.


Oh, fuck off!


What am I supposed to do? You gotta go and shoot the bastards.

Come on, mate.


Let's go.

Come on.

Yes, Frank...




Oh! 'Scuse me, love.


I'd like to buy your car.

Oh! Um, I just bought it yesterday. It's not for sale.

I'll give you double what you paid for it, in cash.

No. Oh, bloody hell. Triple?

You deaf? No! We'll give you anything.

Anything you want if you just... help us, love.

What's the rush?

Our brother's real sick. We've got to get him to hospital.

Yeah. He's not too flash.


You smell better than Christmas dinner.

I must be crazy. Get in.

Nice work, mate! Go on!

What are you staring at?

The most beautiful woman I've ever seen in my whole life.

You must be drunk. I'm...

I'm drunk. I'm completely shit-faced.

I haven't touched a single drop.

Blind, then.

Ohh, shit, I sat on your hat.

You know what that cost?

I'll pay you back. Honest. Yeah, when... next Christmas?

No, really. Here.


Er, yeah, we had a pretty good day at the races. How'd you go?

Hospital. Which one?'s in Sydney. I'll take you to the airport.

Oh, no, thanks. I get a bit funny on aeroplanes.

Train, then. No, we've had enough on the train.

If you're not gonna sell us your car, the least you could do is drive us to Sydney.

Hmm, my lucky day - he's blind, you're deaf.

Well, have you got anything better to do?

I'm going home.

I'm gonna get more shit-faced and then if I can walk straight, I will go back to work tomorrow.

Yeah? What do you do?

I'm a meteorologist.

That's amazing.

So am I.

What do you guys do, really?

Ah, we'll tell you on the way to Sydney.

I am not driving you to Sydney.

Oh, yes, you are, love.

Yes, you bloody well are.


You said you were a meteorologist. You're a fucking liar.

I've never heard it put like that before but that's what I am, baby - a meat man.

But butchering and meteorology are two very different things.

No, butcher - meat.

Meateorology. (Meat-eorology.)

>> Good evening and welcome to Nightline. >> I'm Tony Jones.

>> First to the robbery >> that stopped the nation.

>> Police in Melbourne >> say they've no fresh lead

>> on the gang responsible for >> the biggest and bloodiest theft

>> in Australian criminal history.

>> Six people are dead >> including two of the robbers

>> and two people were wounded

>> in what's already being called >> the Melbourne Cup Massacre.

>> A VRC spokesman says at least >> 10 million dollars was stolen...

Carol... Where are you?

Halfway between fucking Melbourne and Sydney.

You alright?

No, I'm not alright. It's all turned to shit.

Well, you better come home then. Yeah, righto.

Got a couple of things to take care of first.

See you tomorrow night.

>> Whatever the amount stolen, >> the question remains, >> how did the thieves penetrate >> the heavy security screen

>> and then disappear >> virtually unnoticed?

>> For the latest from the scene. >> We'll cross now to Fiona McCallum..

Hey, just pull in up here, mate.

A cow. Cow, yeah.

He's thinkin'.

He's always thinkin'.

I noticed that.

Hey, listen, love, how'd you like to get a milkshake or grab yourself something?


Alright, then.

Do you want anything?

A pie and a Pepsi.

Keep an eye on the car, won't ya?

You're gone on her, aren't you, mate?

Head over fuckin' heels, mate.

I'm feeling things I only seen on TV.

Nice tits.



>> PA: There are at least 12 breeds >> of cattle in the modern meat industry...

Oh, I'd like a cappuccino and a pie and a Pepsi...

OK, love.

We'll leave this one, eh?


Ready? Come on, come on, come on!

Let's grab something to eat, eh?


Victoria Police.


No... Yeah, sorry. I've got the wrong number.

Are you sure? Yep.

Hey! Mal!


Thought I was onto a winner there for once.

No way.

Had her odds-on. She was never a chance.

What about her saying she was a meteorologist?

Can you beat that?

Easy. Forget about her.

I already have.


Here's your pocket money.

Come on, Mal.



Nah, mate! It's the big bad wolf!

You fancy me, Frank?

Or do you like it better with some lippy, hey?

You've been on a trip, Frank.

What the fuck do you think you're doing, eh?

You don't point a gun at a mate.

And you'd be the world's leading expert on mateship.

Come on.

You blokes did alright out of me. Eh?

We're square.

I'll get some beers and... Fuck the beers.

You nicked our dough. You screwed Dale's missus.

You were planning to bump 'em all off too.

You're one cold bastard, Frank.

She's in on this.

She's here.

Carol! Sit down!

We made you, Frankie.

We gave you the biggest green light in history then you go and fuck us over on the big one.

It was a one-off. It was Melbourne.

I had to go with the local blokes.

Power of attorney?

We're gonna manage your estate for you.

Make sure the right people get taken care of.

By way of a fucking change.

Sign it.

We're supposed to take care of each other, Frank.

But you only took care of yourself. Sign it!



If you're gonna shoot, go ahead. I'm not signing anything.


That hurt.

Argh! Does that hurt twice as much?



Now, sign it.

Wanna know what really hurts?

Fuck! Fuck.


Oh, look at your poor feet.


Fuck that.

Where's Dale?

I dunno... Bullshit!

It's only fucking bullshit!

Frank, it's the truth.

He knows about us. He hates me.

Now, come on, this is hurtin'.

I still think you set me up.

Look, I know I'm a cunt. I'm not a psychopath.

Come on, uncuff me, will you?

You fuckin'...

Oh, fuck.

Where are the fuckin' keys?

I'll go away with you. OK?


Stick out like bloody dog's balls.

You got a better idea?



No extradition. It's got that going for it.

Brazil would be fun.

That's what it's got going for it.

Oh. Speaking of dog's balls.

Always good to get home and see that nothing's changed.

Nothing has.

Yeah, right.

Shoot yourself in the foot, mate?

Where's the money?

Ooh, I stuck it up a cow's arse.


Hope you washed your hands after.

Funny business in the bedroom.

Tell me about it.

So what are we gonna do?

We could keep it simple and shoot each other.

Only your gun's never loaded, is it?

I never usually wanna hurt anyone.

Or we could do a deal.

Oh, we could if you had anything I wanted.

Well, I'm off.

So have a lovely holiday, won't you?

Give me a chance to explain.

No, I don't think so.


Listen to me, Dale.

What are you doing? Will you just look at me, please?

It's too late, Carol. There's nothing left.

How can you say that?

Dale, I love you.

We...we fit together.

Right, well, I'll try and remember that when I'm thinking about your mouth wrapped around Frank's cock.

It's not about Frank, you fucking idiot.

If it wasn't for me, Frank would've gotten rid of you ages ago.

You're so naive, aren't you?


How's that, Dale?

It's because of you that Frank wanted to fucking kill me in the first place!

Yeah, well, maybe I should've fuckin' let him kill you!


OK, turn over, luv. I'll do your front.

That's lovely. You can squeeze them as hard as you like.

I'd like to try the Chateau Tizac, please.

Number 19? Number 19.

Thank you, sir.

Gibson Desert goanna snags.

Arnhem Land crocodile sausages. You've got to be kidding, right?

Sorry, sir. We seem to be out of what you ordered.

But, er, may I offer you this instead?

Compliments of the house.

Grange Hermitage, 1986.

That's very generous of you.


The place is charming, mate. It's rustic. It's really nice.

Menu's a bit limited.

Oh! We're famous for our sausages.

People come from all over the place, you know.

On holidays? Honeymoon.

Oh, you didn't hear?

Well, we don't hear much out here. That's the whole idea.

Matter of fact, I came to see an old mate about a job.

I think the old mate's retired, mate.

Well, I'm sure the old mate will reconsider once he's heard the proposition.

I wouldn't be wasting his time, would I, sweetheart?

No, love. You're always right on the money.

I say we do this job. Forget any of that other bullshit ever happened.

Forget you wanted to kill me?

So, now you're gonna make me rich?

Do yourself a favour.

It's all in there - flight plans, security schedules.

But an airport? I mean, it's very tricky. A lot of cops at an airport.

It's not a problem.

I have the ultimate inside man.

He is our passport to $100 million.

Wow! That's a lot of fuckin' money, isn't it?

And...where do you hide that kind of money?

It won't be shoved up a cow's arse, that's for fuckin' sure.

You're a funny guy, Frank.

How would you be without a sense of humour? Huh?

You'd be fucked.

All we have to do is get it out of the room, onto the plane.

My guy flies it out of the country.

We're back in business.

I don't...I don't know.

I mean, I'm pretty happy here, minding my own business, you know.

Well, I think I can help you with that.

I know a couple of Melbourne bookies who might like to come up for a nice, quiet weekend.

Oh, I get you.

I get you.

Well, I'd have to talk to the boys first, of course.

How are the boys?

Never better.

He got the Melbourne money.

He told you he got it?

Oh, in his own sweet little way.

How did he know where to find it?

Oh, he's a clever bastard, alright.

It really shits me.

Tracking us all the way here just to rub it in our faces.

He is just being Frank. He can't help himself. He has to fuck you.

I'm sick of getting fucked. I'm never getting fucked ever again.

We're gettin' fucked right now. Ah, fuck!

It's a lot of money, though.

As if we would ever see any of it.


Are you thinkin' what I'm thinkin'?

Shit, you reckon?

All these years and no one ever got hurt.

Bloody shame.

I'll do it. Nah, I'll do it.

I don't mind. Just another animal. Can I do it?

I'd love to see the look on his face.

Maybe we should all being on it. I'm doin' it.

OK, we should have done it a long time ago.

Are you right to do the both of them?


I always said you were a sport. Didn't I always say that?

Yeah, you did. You've always said that.

I always said you were a scheming bitch.

Listen Shane, I'm not going anywhere. So, we might as well get along, unless you want to be next.

Next of what?

Lookin' forward to gettin' back to work.

It'll be like the old days, knockin' off Angie's big shop for a bag of lollies.

And we won't have to share it with Frank anymore.

Will we, mate?

Have you got my table six?

No, we won't. Will we?


resync, spellcheck and errorcorrection by Snuif