The Internship (2013) Script

An old man...

...turned ninety-eight Won the lottery and died the next day Why is this shit on the get-psyched mix'?

If I don't throw you a curveball, you get bored and the mix loses its intended effect.

I want to get revved up and this song isn't doing it.

I defy you to crush this chorus and not get psyched.

Won't happen.

Don't you think?

It's like rain...

...on your wedding day A free ride...

...when you've already paid It's good advice...

Help me out here!

...that you just didn't take And who would have thought?

It figures Mr. Play It Safe...

Classic Alanis.

...was afraid to fly He was afraid.

Bring it home. Oh, yeah.

Go home, Papi. Yes!

We got ou rjam on now. Jump to it!

It was a dry June.

It needn't be said out loud, but we need this sale.

I'm so confident we'll close this, I'm ordering the Pappy Van Winkle.

It's pricey, but I want to spiritually invest in our success.

If you didn't order the Pappy, I'd send you back to the car...

...to listen to the get-psyched mix again!

Go over the stat sheet.

Bob Williams. Married 16 years. Wife Karen. One daughter.

That's page one. Let me hip you to page two.

Daughter's name is Skyler. Big into gymnastics. Aces on the pommel horse.

He don't just tell it, he shows it with pictures.

Everyone's searching for something, right, Bob?

Love. Success.

But what's the one thing no one can get more of?

Time.

And you can't fight it.

Oh, you don't have to tell me. Look at my little girl.

How old is Skyler now? Just turned nine.

Nine?! Skyler's nine?!

Good Lord. How old does that make all of us? Don't answer that, Bob!

I was about to answer.

Soon she'll be borrowing Karen's makeup and you'll have two beauties on your hands!

Lock the door. It's coming. Double digits.

Skyler still giving them hell on the pommel horse?

Want to see a photo? If it's not too much trouble.

Let me show you Sky.

Look at her.

She's really sprouted.

Yeah, Skyler's really slimming down.

I'll tell you what, she's eating really healthy.

Mostly fruits and nuts. Her choice.

No telling what this girl on a squirrel diet could end up doing.

Win us the gold, make us proud?

Damn right she could. I think she's already made you proud.

Guilty, my friend.

Oh, guys, it goes so fast.

Like a freight train on the track, clickety-clack.

Now she's got a boyfriend-- a guy you'll like, hopefully.

Clickety-clack, she's married.

Clickety-clack, she's putting you in a home!

She would do it, too. She would.

Only when you forget who she is. I'm kidding!

it feels good to laugh about Alzheimer's.

You can't control time.

But you can manage it.

Mmm. Bob...

...the Chronoshock Aught Thirteen.

Carpe diem. These babies will fly off your shelf.

I know you have six stores now, so you'll probably want a larger order than last year's.

You're kidding, right?

Your business has been folded.

I'm sorry?

No, there's been some chatter. The last few years have been rough.

But who hasn't felt the pinch?

They didn't tell you, did they?

I thought you guys wanted to grab dinner for old times' sake.

Your company is closed. I hate to be the one telling you that.

I know that I can't buy the watches because...

...your company doesn't exist anymore, but I wish I could!

That's how good you guys are!

One round of Pappy Van Winkle. Enjoy, gentlemen.

Oh.

Wow. That is expensive stuff.

You know, Bob, uh...

...do you mind--

Say no more. I'm doing this.

Let's slice the pie three ways.

That's silly. I'm doing really, really... really well right now and you guys are not... at all.

Let me do this.

Let's just split it. Go Dutch.

Okay.

Let's be three Dutchmen. But this Dutchman's going to pay when he can in a couple weeks.

What the fuck, Sammy?

What the fuck me? What the fuck you!

Who told you you could barge into my office without an appointment?

You closed the company?!

Then you send us out on a sale we really needed and had Bob Williams drop that bomb on us?!

Bob Williams' got a big fucking mouth.

Yeah, he does.

Forget the sale. Nobody wears a watch anymore-- they check their phones.

Disagree. Cite your source.

Kids, maybe. There's a broader market.

Lorraine, what time is it?

10:26.

One hip pioneering secretary does not a cultural trend make.

She's 75. Watches are obsolete, and so are you two.

Obsolete'? What does that mean?

It means everything's computerized now!

It's cheaper for a machine to tell companies what to order than a manufacturer's rep.

No, people have a deep mistrust of machines.

Have you seen "Terminator"?

Or "Two"? Or "Three"? Or "Four"?

Yep. Mmm-hmm. All of them.

People want to deal with people, not Terminators.

People hate people! Times have changed.

That's so negative.

Luckily I saw this coming, cashed out, bought a condo in Miami...

...new tits for the wife. Silicone. It's legal again.

Saline's out?

Me and the old lady will be tucked away nice.

Great for you, huh? Perfect.

So that's it, right?

But what about us, Sammy?

You two were great salesmen. The best!

But at the end of the day, you're grinders.

Foot soldiers. You'll never be generals.

I'm going to say something harsh now.

Now you're going to say something harsh?

Strap it in, 'cause it ain't pretty out there.

And you two are dinosaurs.

Face it. Where you're going...

...you've already been.

Thank you for your service.

What are we going to do?

I don't know.

But I have to worry about the now.

I don't know what I'm going to say to Megan.

It's like rain...

No. Let it play.

For the love of God, let it play.

It's a free ride when you've already paid Go.

Megan, let's talk about this.

Is it because I'm too unselfish in bed? I can change.

It won't be easy, but I'll do it.

It's always darkest before the dawn.

No, Billy. It's actually darkest in the middle of the night.

Enough's going on without arguing about proverbs.

I knew things weren't great, but to come home to a foreclosure sign?

Can we hug? Can I touch it? No!

I could have avoided this if the Bob Williams deal hadn't gone bad.

You blew that?

Not so much that I blew it as the company shut down and took our jobs away.

Sweetheart, I promise I can pay for all of this.

It's not about the money, Billy. This is about you.

You talk a big game, but never do anything about it!

You say we'll go to Spain-- but have I ever been to Barcelona?

Barthelona! And not yet, but we're going.

What?

We are not going to Barthelona.

We discussed going to Barthelona...

...but we are never going to go to Barthelona.

Not with that attitude we're not.

Do you even hear yourself? Yes.

I'm glad you said some of that-- we're in a relationship and I'm glad we're committed to it.

You know how badly I want to believe that?

Because I've been with you a long time and nothing ever gets better.

Honey, you're...

You're such a great guy...

...but you always screw things up and let people down.

Billy, I love you, but I'm tired of being let down.

That's terrible, Nicky. Are you okay?

I should have gone on my own when I had the chance. Stupid!

You did the right thing. Got a paycheck, played it smart.

Dad would have been proud.

Proud of what? I didn't play it smart. I played it safe.

Look where I am now. Proud?

At your nephew's Little League game. Cheer up!

Come on.

All right, Tate!

Here we go, Tate! Put some wood on it!

He's a great kid.

I keep telling you you'd be a terrific father.

Yep, you do keep telling me that.

Unfortunately, it would require having a relationship lasting longer than three months.

I'm not sure it would require that.

Let me call Kevin.

I'm sure your boyfriend's great, but I don't want to work for someone...

...who spent all last Thanksgiving explaining the meaning of his tattoo.

Be reasonable, Nicky. Take the job.

What else are you going to do?

That's it. Just take the walk, Eagle Eye.

Walk's as good as a hit, come on.

What is this guy saying? Bullshit.

Nick. Nick! Walk's not as good as a hit.

It's not as good as a double or a triple.

It's not as good as a dinger.

Go on, take a big cut, Tate. Nick!

Get off the field. What are you doing?

You're calling him Eagle Eye to get him not to swing?

Come on, he's 12 years old.

He's got the rest of his life to take a walk.

How about you take a walk, pal? And get off my field!

Just stop calling him Eagle Eye, okay?

Oh, I'm gonna call him Eagle Eye.

Oh, no, you're not. Yes, I am.

You're Eagle Eye. Want a piece of me?

Go ahead, Tate. Swing! Let him go.

I'm okay. I'm okay.

Play ball. Come on, Tate. Swing big!

Read "Moneyball," asshole. Walks are as good as hits.

Just when you think your day couldn't get any worse, it got worse.

I feel like my day bent me over, put a ball in my mouth and fucked me bad.

Is it just me, or does life look a lot like those hillbillies from "Deliverance" now?

It's got me over by the tree there, just told me I had a pretty mouth.

You over, squealing like a pig on all fours.

I'm looking, where's Burt Reynolds with the crossbow?

He's not coming.

We're there. It's gonna happen.

You're gonna get raped. You know what it is?

I feel like life's inside of me.

Just working, just pushing. Just going all after it.

And all of a sudden, life pulls out.

But he's gonna scurry up the pillow.

Boom, just explodes right in my fucking mouth.

How are you?

Hey. Hey, cute kid.

How old is she?

She's a boy. Okay.

Still very attractive.

Without pink or blue, it's hard to tell, but the features are great, maybe put him in some modeling.

That's what they're going for, that right-down -the-middle thing.

How many different ways do we have to say, "I give up"?

Say "Uncle," Say "Mercy," before life stops whaling away on us.

I mean, we are getting pounded.

I feel like our whole generation of sheep has been sold a bad bill of goods.

We were told, "Go to college, get good grades."

Wait, you didn't go to college.

I'm saying in theory, in concept, our generation was told that you go to college, YOU get a job, YOU get a mortgage, and here we did everything the way we were supposed to, and what do we get?

Where's our thanks? Nothing.

I'm gonna call Kevin about that job.

Kevin'? Thanksgiving tattoo?

We're not that low, are we, Nick?


Show me one little something here.

What are you going to do, Billy?


There he is! Nickrophiliac! Hey.

How you been? Good.

Just working away.

I see that.

Don't slag off on the corners. They are so important.

People track shit in here all the time.

And I mean literally dog shit.

Jesus!

I should have worn gloves. Huh?

I said I should have worn gloves.

They won't help.

You don't want protector duty?

'Cause I can put you out at the curb, twirling the big arrow.

Hot sun beating down on you?

I've lost three guys to skin cancer!

We call that curb "the widowmaker."

I don't want to go out to the widowmaker.

How would you fare out there, with that alabaster skin?

I don't know.

I'll tell you. You'd be dead in a year.

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Jeggings.

Jeggings, five o'clock.

Where? Right there.

I'd like to play around in that rumpus room, you know what I mean?

Have you done the back door yet? What?

Back door? Back door action?

"Knock-knock. It's me."

"With my penis."

A life changer. It is a life changer!

You VIP your way into that back alley, you'll never think about the main entrance anymore.

You know what I mean by the main entrance?

We're talking dick into the vagina.

This is an awkward conversation.

Why? Because you're dating my sister!

Oh! Yeah. Well, don't think we didn't go through a period of adjustment.

Adjustment?

Can you gentlemen help me?

Yes. Nick is one of our best.

In fact, his entire family knows their way around a mattress.

Get it!

My question is about memory foam versus standard...

...specifically as it relates to lumbar support.

What?

Lumbar support.

Great choice of mattress. Why don't you lie down there?

Let's work our way through this conundrum. What I think you're asking--

Billy, I'm with a customer.

Maybe start off on this.

Yeah, just lie down.

Come here for a second.

What are you doing here?

I've seen the future and it is beautiful for us!

I don't know what you got, but I got a job and I don't want to lose it.

Can we discuss this later?

No. The future doesn't know later.

What? All the future is is later.

That's literally what the future is. What are you talking about?

Google.

The place is amazing. They have nap pods, massage rooms, a volleyball court.

It's ranked as the greatest place to work at in America!

It's a technology company-- a field we know jack squat about.

Look, Google needs us. And Google wants us.

They do? You sweet son of a bitch! You got us jobs at Google?!

Well, it's not actually a job.

What do you mean?

Oh, it's an interview for an internship that has a better-than-not chance of materializing into a job.

Now you are making me very angry!

You want me to leave my job...

...to go for an interview, not for a job, but for an internship that may or may not lead to a job?

Aren't you tired of asking forjust enough to get by?

Yes. I want to do something...

...that matters. I want to have a life I'm excited about and that's great.

Nick, I want us to go to California.

And I want us to get these jobs at Google.

I'm going to speak to a manager.

Terrific! He's right over there.

Let's roll over onto the stomach.

He'll be very helpful.

What we're going to do is get a little support for the hips. Imagine a pillow right there.

Then we separate the feet. Create a little heat dispersion.

Excuse me!

Is there something I can help you with?!

What?!

I'm trying to buy a mattress.

Unbelievable!

Our interview's in one hour. This might be the last chance we got.

How's it going, Gossip Girls'?

C.W. just called. You're canceled.

Excuse me?

You're peddling him a bunch of crap, just like the crap merchandise you two used to shill.

So listen up, Marfan Syndrome.

What? Marfanism.

Big man's disease. The giant killer. You.

We're the same height.

We are not the same height.

I'm handsome tall.

You're the type of tall where, you walk through the airport... people stop eating and look at you.

You're a freak. Nick, you have a customer waiting.

Nick, we have our future waiting.

Nick, you know what that says?

No, I don't read Sanskrit.

"Make reasonable choices."

That's an odd thing to get tattooed on your neck.

Just get back to work!

God! I'm sorry you had to see that, ma'am.

Now let's get back to you and pelvic ventilation.

Kevin!

You've been saying insulting things to me all day.

What are you doing?

Taking the shirt off.

I don't know what happens to a dream deferred.

Does it dry up, like a raisin in the sun?

Or does it explode? I don't want to find out.

You just made the worst mistake of your life.

Hey, hey! You take the shirt off, it doesn't go back on.

There's not a second chance!

I'll see you in hell!

We're meeting the interviewer in here?

No, not in here.

We're meeting him in here. It's a Hangout.

People do interviews on the Internet.

I like it. Now it says here that the...

...internship is only for college students.

Way ahead of you. I enrolled us at the University of Phoenix.

That proud online institution. Go Fighting Phoenixes!

Wait--you put my major down as physics?

Why? I don't know shit about physics. Physics scares me.

These guys paint the corner of the plate.

They won't go down the middle and ask about physics.

Too obvious. I took it off the table.

Good. Hide in plain sight.

But you put down sales as your major?

Because I'm a talker. I figure I should dazzle.

I thought about this-- hide your vacancy and let me dazzle.

Are you done? There's a 15-minute limit.

Sorry--the big boys need the computer a little longer.

But we can make this a win-win for you-- go get a soda.

Put some sugar in your body.

Enjoy it.

Cute kid.

Here they are. When I hit this, they'll be able to see us.

Get in close so they can see us.

The webcam's small. Come here.

Don't crowd me.

Get cheek to cheek. I get you.

They can't see us. I understand that.

Put your fucking cheek next to mine! I get it!

We can see you guys!

Okay, great! Hi! My name is Billy!

We can hear you fine as well.

Oh, great. Good.

Billy McMahon. Nick Campbell.

I'm Benjamin. Allison.

We're thirsty, too.

Slow down, camper. I'm not an ATM. I have a job interview here.

We'll be back.

Are you in a library?

We are. Some beautiful little kids here.

A program we're involved in. We take suburban kids and teach them what it's like to be homeless.

What's it called?

It's called, uh...

Attitude Adjustment.

We're helping the kids.

We did our interview here so we could help out, and also we don't have webcams on our computer.

If you don't have a webcam on your computer, how do you do coding?

Coding?

Under "computer skills", you put "C++".

That's actually a C+.

The second plus reflects my attitude of how I felt about the C+.

It was a typing class. Same principle, just no engine in the baby. More like "quick brown fox".

Put your hands in the basin.

But that helped me when I started my journey into computers, because I knew where to put my hands.

Okay, let's focus on this--you're currently enrolled at the University of Phoenix online?

Yes, we are.

Damn right we are.

It's the oldest institution of its kind.

Many people refer to it as the Harvard of Internet colleges.

Oh! I hadn't heard that.

No, that has not made it out here.

That reputation.

Well, we're Phoenix proud.

That's fine. We're going to ask you some questions some of our candidates find a bit odd.

Let's get weird! No judgment. Shoot.

You're shrunken down to the size of nickels and dropped into a blender.

What do you do?

Is anything else in the blender?

Uh, I don't know.

It makes a difference. Are there ice cubes? Is this a daiquiri?

Is there rum? Is it a smoothie?

It's been a long week-- maybe these little guys want to live a little.

Okay, let's say it's empty.

In that case, it's easy.

Why?

If we're nickel-size and the blender's empty, we go on our backs.

Flat, like this.

Enjoy that breeze.

Stiff as a board, light as a feather.

Like it's a fan. Let the wind whip.

Like getting an MRI.

Once the blender's on, it's on forever.

Forever.

Respectfully, I have to disagree. We sold blenders...

...and even the best model only runs non-stop for, what?

Even the Germans--

Yeah, even a Braun will only run non-stop for 10 or 11 hours.

So we'll get out and when we do, we're better off, because what doesn't kill you makes you stronger.

I'd like to big-picture this for a second.

Just like the founders of Google. Big-picture Googling.

It's not so much getting out of the blender...

...as what happens next. That's the question.

Two nickel-sized men free in the world. Think of the possibilities.

Off the top of my head...

My head's swimming.

Sunglass repair? Those little screws.

Put us in those submarines they put in people's bodies to fight diseases.

That's cutting edge.

Okay, that's not real, the submarines.

Wait--we were stuck in a blender, now we're saving lives. What?!

What?

What? What?

I'll recap. We started in a blender, now we're saving lives!

What?!

What?

Wait a minute! We were stuck in a blender and now we're saving lives?!

You guys led us to this. Thank you.

I think we've gotten a little far afield.

A little off-topic.

I'll get inside you and I'll fight for you.

Thank you.

Which one of you is physics?

Mr. Campbell? Maybe you could expound on this from a physics aspect.

Physics.

Listen, I could bend your ear about physics...

...and physical phenomena, but the truth is, we were in a blender.

We'd lost our jobs, and we'd given up.

So we already answered the question when we took this interview.

We got ourselves out, and here we are.

If you really want to know what happens when you take two guys out of a blender...

I'm sorry, Allison, is it?

Then give us a shot. I think you'll be happy you did.

Who is our next applicant?

Ah, our two daiquiri men.

So what do we think? Dana?

You're kidding, right? No.

Eleanor?

Hmm. They seem like really nice guys, but I don't think so.

Okay! Moving on.

Can I say something?

You can. We will resent you for wasting our time, but don't let that stop you.

It's just...diversity is in our DNA, right?

I thought the goal was to find people with a different way of thinking.

That doesn't mean we have to hire them.

Very good point, Dana. Moving on!

You read their resumes, right? They have more years...

...of sales and life experience than the age of most of our interns.

Plus, our final judgment is always based on the Layover Test.

Who would you rather sit with at an airport bar for a 6-hour delay'?

The ten millionth kid who knows if you shrink your strength-to-weight ratio you can jump higher? Duh.

Or the out-of-the-box thinkers who turned being stuck in a blender into an advantage.

Tell me how you feel What's your fantasy?

I see you on the beach down in Mexico You can put your feet up Be my señorita We ain't gotta rush Just take it slow You'll be in the high life Soaking up the sunlight Anything you want is yours I heard you're living life like you should You say you never had it so good So it begins. Here we go.

This place is incredible.

Where do we check in?

Let's ask somebody.

Oh, excuse me! I'm sorry, excuse me--

Billy?

It's scary because it's new.

Let's check in. Head towards those big, big letters.

What's up, family?

Tell me how you feel What's your fantasy?

I see you on the beach down in Mexico You can put your feet up Be my señorita We ain't gotta rush Just take it slow You'll be in the high life Soaking up the sunlight Anything you want is yours Name?

You say you never had it so good

You never had it so good

You never had it so good Picture the greatest amusement park you ever went to as a kid.

Now imagine a place nothing like it and a million times better.

That's where we are.

I'll grab us a coffee. You check us in.

Good morning.

What's the damage here?

Nothing.

For these? Free.

They're complimentary?

Complimentary. Free. Whatever you want.

You're saying whatever I walk away with--

It's free.

Have bananas.

I probably should. This is the most important meal of the day.

Take two, they're free.

For my day, I need it.

What about the bagels and all that?

Free. Anything you want.

If you're insisting, I'll have a couple.

Like four. Just whatever it is.

What about five? Free, too.

Make it seven, then.

And if you want to whip up some other drinks.

Do you have a to go cup, like a Guzzler?

Excuse me.

Do you know what launch this was from?

Sorry, I have a meeting.

Oh, no, no, no. I don't want to hold you. I just--

I was just curious. Was this thing actually in space?

If there were only a webpage you could go to.

Where we could just type things in and search for answers.

Ah, yes, that would be nice.

Nick Campbell. Intern.

Dana Simms. Late.

Me, too. Have to rush off.

And it's SpaceShipOne. First private manned spaceflight.

Winner of the X Prize.

Are those your dads?

Same-sex partners make excellent parents. I so wish my parents were gay.

When did twenty start to look like twelve?

Oh, man.

Of course I'll work my hardest.

Mom, how can I work harder than my hardest? That's impossible.

Okay, okay, I will. Yes, I love you.

Mom?

Billy McMahon. Billy McMahon. How are you?

Oh, I'm going to grab some food.

I'm good.

You all right alone?

This stuff looks good, huh? Little pick-me-up.

Graham Hawtrey.

I'm so thrilled to be here. Oh, me, too.

Feels kind of like the first day of spring training for Little League.

I think I have a few more clicks on the odometer than you kids.

That's why I came over. I said to myself, "That man has life experience. He can teach you a lot."

You have to meet my friend, Nick. Nicky!

Nickelodeon! Come here!

Meet Graham. He's in the internship program with us.

You're interns?

Shut up! Deal with it.

Shut the fuck up! Deal with it.

But you're so old.

Oh. Excuse me?

I feel terrible! I feel so stupid.

I feel terrible. For what?

I just, you know... I thought you were important. Oh, shit.

I have to find some people who actually matter. Good luck!

Why did you bring me over to meet that guy, like he was your best friend? You introduced me to Hitler.

He seemed sweet at first.

My name is Roger Chetty. I am head of the Google Intern Program.

Welcome to Google.

This will not be your average internship. Oh, no.

You will do what we do.

And we will watch how well you do it.

You represent the finest schools.

Your intelligence and achievement is well noted...

...but to excel at this internship, you're going to need far more than brain power.

What you're going to need...

Nothing funny. Googliness.

The intangible stuff that made a search engine...

...into an engine for change.

Now, you will be divided into teams...

...and by the end of the summer only one team...

...will be guaranteed a full-time position. The other...

...95% of you...will not.

You've been split up into several seminars to acquaint you with our campus and culture.

Descriptions have been emailed to you.

I would wish you luck, but it's not luck that you need.

Get to work!

This ain't gonna be about getting coffee and running errands.

It's a mental Hunger Games against a bunch of genius kids for a handful of jobs.

So we nail it. This is our opening statement.

If it please the court.

Oh, it pleases the court, counselor.

Workplace Seminar. A few seats left.

First impression time.

Bingo!

We can do good here.

Shazam! So close yet so far, boys.

Whoa! Graham, we were here first.

You're right. You guys could use the advantage. Go ahead.

What does that mean?

It means that in a world of excellence, old and unexceptional qualifies as diversity.

So go ahead. What's that saying?

"Age before beauty"?

Thank you.

You're welcome, William!

There's always some joker who likes to play fuckaround.

I guess that's you, Graham. At least we know. Game on.

Good luck, boys.

Google is not a conventional workplace.

Having said that, we have rules.

I will ask you a series of questions.

You will raise the green paddle to indicate yes...

...and the red paddle to indicate no.

So, let's begin.

"Having a beer with your boss."

Some of you are under 21.

Some of us aren't, so if you want to grab a cold one with me, I'd be happy to.

I will not "grab a cold one" with you.

You get high?

I don't get high.

I'm notjudging. Just saying. People do it.

If you want something cold to drink, we'll hook you up.

Okay. Thank you. Just stop talking to me.

I'm your Bill Holden in "Stalag 17".

I really don't get that reference.

Google it. Got it.

"Dating a fellow intern."

This is Google, not Match.com.

What about a full-time employee?

Say, management level but not a direct supervisor.

Great eyes, and a...

...severity to her look that is surprisingly sexy.

What's the policy on that?

That's frowned upon also?

So we say no to love?

Say no to love.

That's a no.

"Taking food home from the office."

Boom. That's a yes.

Are you having difficulty with this, Mr. McMahon?

Just to drill down on this, what if it's a perishable? Like pudding that was left out?

You'd like to take home pudding?

I wouldn't mind it.

Oh, yeah.

If it's going to go bad, is it okay to take it home?

Mmm-hmm. Anything else you'd like to take home?

Well, salsa or chips. Something not wrapped.

Salsa, chips and pudding.

Sushi.

Salsa, chips, pudding and sushi.

Anything else? Ice cream.

Salsa, chips, pudding, sushi and ice cream.

Pizza?

Salsa, chips, pudding, sushi, ice cream and pizza.

Not a frozen pizza. But if there was a nice pie out...?

I am truly impressed, Mr. McMahon.

Thank you.

At the both of you.

At how quickly you have confirmed my doubts about you.

Now, let's try this one more time.

"Taking food home...from the office."

Very good.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is all!

I'm not going to dress it up-- today didn't go well.

It certainly wasn't the first impression we wanted.

But here's the deal.

Tomorrow is the pick teams day, right?

It's important for us to fall in with a strong team.

If we can surround ourselves with the right group of geniuses, we still got a shot here.

Nicky...

...we can coattail this bitch.

You're right! And there's no shame in that.

No shame in being the 12th man at the end of the bench...

...who never gets in the game but has a lot of enthusiasm.

He waves the towel, doles out high fives during timeouts.

Because I'll tell you about that guy-- when the team wins the championship, he still gets a ring.

Damn right he does.

So we have to be that awkward seven-footer from Lithuania.

I love your spirit. And I love you like a brother...

...but I can't have those cold clams brushing up against me in bed.

Keeping me up. Suit yourself.

I'll take the bed tomorrow.

Can you hit that light, Pocahontas?

Tomorrow's a new day.

Welcome to day two! I am Sid.

Eight-year Googler. You guys are new Googlers.

Thus, you are Nooglers!

Now, this place is all about community...

...and collaboration, so you'll be working in teams from now on.

You have five minutes. Pick your teams.

You, on me.

Oh! Be picky, okay. Play hard to get.

Don't be desperate, just be cool. This is everything!

Are you looking for someone?

College, major, SAT score.

Harvard, computer science, 2390.

Fine. On me, fatface.

My name's Zach.

You. University of--

No.

Hello, Stanford! You're coming with me.

University of Phoenix online-- sort of the Harvard of the west.

Why don't we all be a team? Why don't we all be a team?

Why don't we all be a team?

Please don't touch me. You're touching me!

Blondie, you're with me on account of your physical appearance.

Does anyone want to be on a team with me?

Super fun! Really smart, but also very fun.

I was voted Most Likely to Succeed in my chess club.

Um... Mr. Chetty? I don't have a group.

You'll mentor the leftovers.

Which it would seem includes your two charity cases.

Off you go.

Yo, Billy and Nick!

There they are!

I'm Lyle, one of the team managers. Pound me.

Just putting the fist out without words is all that's necessary.

Come on, bro, fist me.

That's definitely not right.

You're a manager? How old are you?

I'm 23. But no worries, fellas, I'm an old soul.

Well, the thing about that is, we don't have a team.

We have two--me and Nick. We don't have the rest of our team.

We didn't...

Correction. You didn't have a team, but you got one now, son!

'Cause I got a few outliers. Buh-bam! Kerplash! Zzz-yah!

We about to get it all good up in this hood, right?

"Outliers". I just dropped a little G-well on you.

'Cause Malcolm is my dawg.

What you say? Malcolm is my--

"Outliers", "10,000 hours".

But let's get a team meeting going, everyone! Team meet time!

Nick?

What other options do we have?

Okay! Let's get some meet and greet going up in this heezy!

I'm Lyle and it's pretty much Wysiwyg-- what you see is what you get.

Been at the Goog for four years.

Working on seven projies en este momento.

Wow! Seven projects!

They ask and I do's it. What can I say? I'm a people pleaser.

'Specially the ladies, my Mercedes! It's all good in Lyle's hood.

Is Lyle always going to be referring to himself in the third person?

If he is, I might want to punch Lyle in the face.

Okay, good note.

Lyle's still a little nervous. Lyle's a first-time manager.

I'll stop that.

Keep it to first and second person. Who's next?

My name is Yo-Yo Santos.

Yo-Yo, high five. Whoa!

Yo-Yo, easy. I come in peace!

Did you get beat up a lot in school?

I was homeschooled by my mom.

Did you get beat up a lot in homeschool?

Discipline is an important part of growth.

But my mother was a very nurturing person.

She provided me selflessly with the milk of her bosom...

...until I was seven.

So you're tying your shoe, climbing trees... blowing up fireworks, and then you got mouth on Mom.

Breastfeeding leads to higher I.Q.

Actually, the science isn't definitive on that.

I was bottle-fed. It never slowed me down.

Vitamins are vitamins, whether they come from a teat or a baba.

Wrong.

Sorry, what?

The teat or baba thing, it's wrong.

I just Googled it. You're wrong.

Oh, yeah, I'm Stuart.

You know, you can't trust everything you read on--

The Journal of the American Medical Association? Pretty trustworthy.

It says breast milk has more nutrients, which are more easily digested and absorbed.

Your confusion's understandable-- you were bottlefed.

He's right.

Whoa! Guys, where's all this hostility coming from?

Where do you think, you big tree?

Two-fifths of our team are two old guys who don't know shit.

Okay, I for one am very happy to have two...

...strapping, mature gentlemen on the team.

Thank you.

Oh, I'm Neha Patel. And, oh, my God, you guys would make the best Luke and Han.

Oh, "Star Wars" cosplay. "Cosplay"?

Costume play! People dress up as their favorite movie character.

I'd be slave girl Leia. Yeah. Metal bikini top. Metal G-string panty.

High-heeled leather boots.

I'm chained at the neck. Not too constricted, but just enough...

...to make things interesting.

Neck constriction's interesting.

A few of us get together and whatever happens happens.

Oh, butworkwise, your skills aren't really relevant here...

...or in this millennium, so stay out of our way-- we'll do this shit on our own.

Well, I'm loving this friction.

It's how you get a fire started.

I'm Nick, this is my pal, Billy, and despite what you think...

...we'rejust like you, running down a dream.

All right!

Team Lyle!

Okay, we'll workshop that. It's in beta.

Okey-doke! Our Translate lecture is in 15 minutes.

Translate is about giving everyone access to every word...

...ever written, no matter what language it was written in.

Because when the entire world can see, read and find the rest of the world's cool stuff...

...good things happen.

Lyle, you laying-in-the-weeds son of a bitch.

You're hot for teacher, my man.

I took her dance class once here, but she doesn't even know I exist.

Doesn't know you exist?

You're communicating with her right here.

Oh, no, this is just the company intranet.

It has info on every Google employee.

Birthdays, trivia, meeting calendars, everything.

Really? Mmm-hmm.

Ah! Hey. Fancy seeing you here!

Is it? Or you calendar-stalked me and knew where I'd be.

Now, am I detecting a bit of an accent?

You are!

Uh-huh. I have a very good ear.

English, right? Hello, guvnor!

Oliver Twist. "More bread, please."

Australian, actually.

Really? Similar flags, though.

Kiwi. "Lord of the Rings" country.

The stain on this one's better, but the white one's a goner.

I eat very fast.

Bangers and mash.

That's also British.

Vegemite sandwich then, which you gobble down so you can get back to the grind.

It is impressive, staying at work till midnight every day. Also on the calendar.

Look, Nick.

I'm sure you're very popular with the

19-year-olds at the University of Phoenix...

...with the southern drawl and the blond hair and...

...this whole thing you got going on, but I have to tell you this is never going to happen.

"This". What?

Oh, no, no, no! This is me reaching out as an intern.

They encouraged us to approach experienced Googlers and pick their brains.

Oh! Oh, I'm sorry! Of course!

You thought I was-- "Oh, who's this wanker steaming in?"

You just want to learn! Well, look.

Sid here is incredible. He's about to give a talk on HTML5.

Nick is desperate to learn. He'd love to come along.

Sure. Come on down, brother!

Sometimes we go all day, all night.

Oh, I can't start any sooner than right now. Let's do it.

Come on, everybody! Where are you going?

Oh, I have a meeting. But you know that. Cheerio!

Cheerio.

Let's go. Come on. Don't be shy.

You have a crush on her, my friend!

Good morning, interns. Today marks the first of several challenges...

...through which your team shows its merits.

While dogfooding a new product, Googlers...

...reported a bug that disabled their audio.

Two million lines of code are in the source files.

Your job? Find the bug.

Let's check the user reports.

Check for red flags.

See what exceptions were thrown.

I start by drawing up strategies to sift through the code.

Code, right? Code, right?

So we're looking to kind of break the password.

Is the answer in the question? "Bug".

Eureka!

Bug like fly. "The Fly". ls Chetty a cinephile?

Goldblum!

Mind-boggling no one's notebook is out.

This gibberish you're writing may or may not be helpful. I guarantee what we're saying is helpful!

We're looking for a bug, not a password. They're different things.

Keep going with that human connection.

Go on, stay positive. Go, go, go.

We'll go on "fly". 'Cause we're "fly"-ing it.

NICKI Fly. Fly. I like that.

Y-L-F. It's a word scramble, it's "life"!

I can't get "fly" out of my mind, and now I'm going Jennifer Lopez.

Is it a Fly Girl? Superfly!

Pop fly. Uh, excavation.

Earthquakes! California!

That's it! Write it down! Do it, do it!

Will you please stop?!

No, we're working!

Yeah, and that's a Sharpie, genius.

That's my fault.

I'll go ahead and wash that.

Guys, I'm sorry, but you're not helping.

You're saying a lot of words really fast that mean nothing.

To find the bug, we need to review the code and find...

...the programmer's mistake. It's the only way.

But what if it's not the only way?

You said someone programmed it.

Someone in this building wrote that code.

A human being!

Let's give him a name--Tony.

Let's say Tony likes kayaking.

Me and Nick become friends with Tony.

We throw some beers back, do some kayaking.

Tony's bombed on the open water.

Next thing you know, we're gabbing about audio bugs!

I think it's a great idea.

Great! Finally!

Dark and Stormy feeling us!

Feeling you big time, buddy.

In fact, why don't the two of you go and find the programmer?

Great. Great idea.

Yo-Yo, who's our man?

His name is Charles Xavier.

Perfect. Nick, write it down. Steel trap.

Uh... He's a professor. At Stanford.

Just a few minutes away, really.

Guys.

He's in a wheelchair.

Stanford. Wheelchair. What else?

Oh, he's bald!

May be with his best friend, who wears a metal helmet.

He's a genetics professor.

More, more! Hit us!

He has a British accent. British! With my ear, we're done.

Keep searching. Think fly, think bug.

I promise you this somehow intersects with Goldblum.

Goldblum. Of course.

Back to work, guys.

Hey, Professor, what up?

Professor Charles Xavier?

Very funny.

British! Professor Xavier, sorry to bother you. If you--

Gentlemen, I don't have time for this.

Professor Xavier, we know it's you. We really need your help.

All right, you found me out. lam Charles Xavier.

And that's Cyclops, and Rogue. We're all here.

Come closer. I want to share some of my telekinetic wisdom with you.

Good, 'cause I want to know about these bugs.

Assholes!

You maniacal monster!

Professor Xavier is a total dick!

Yo to the Yo, have we ensured it wasn't a networking issue?

Confirmed there was no packet loss.

Almost done checking the encryption.

"Almost"? Either you're done or not. You can't be almost pregnant.

And she would know, guys.

Go Google "asshole", asshole.

She's right. It's not good enough, Yo-Yo. Get it together.

What the fuck was that?

I'm punishing myself for my inferior performance.

Wow. Good. Great. That one's crazy.

And crazy horny over here.

Let me guess. Big dick, 'cause little dick?

Does your mind just immediately go to a penis joke?

Was that not witty enough? I'm just busy working.

That's fine, but I'm winning the quip-off.

That's what you're worried about? Yes.

You're more concerned with snarky banter than working?

Hey! Did you guys find Professor Xavier?

Yeah, we found him.

Yeah, thanks so much for that. Really great team spirit.

Mind sliding over?

I'm sorry, it doesn't look like there's enough room for you.

Have a great lunch. Yeah, enjoy it.

Okay, let's see.

Let's see.

See anything? Oh! There's an opening.

Is that taken? It's taken.

Let's go over there.

Hi, Headphones. Mind if we sit here?

We can take that as a yes.

We have to at this point.

How you doing, bud?

He doesn't even know we exist. He's like a superhero on this computer.

Look at him, just crushing his thing and kicking ass.

Do you remember what it felt like to be that good at something?

Look at this! William.

Nicholas.

Person I don't know.

Thought I'd find you at the cool kids' table.

It's like a confederacy of outcasts out here.

Heard you had a day trip to Palo Alto.

Home of Silicon Valley and also the X-Men, apparently.

Where are you going with this?

Oh, I just wanted to let you guys know we won the bug challenge!

What are you going to do about it?

Don't worry about what we'll do or not do. We'll be just fine.

You'll be fine? Keep telling yourself that.

See you on the intramural field for the next challenge I'll win.

Sports! Something we know about, baby.

Something we know a lot about.

Come on now! Look at me.

For real.


All right, teams, welcome to the Quidditch pitch.

Let's have a good clean match, Nooglers.

Fatty, don't touch the ball.

Rules: The Beaters toss the Bludgers at the Chasers then get the Quaffle through the ring.

No blagging, blatching, bumphing, haversacking or Quaffle-pocking.

No lmperius Curses or Confundus Charms.

In the unlikely event of a Dementor attack, use a Patronus Charm.

I recommend the stag personally.

Lyle, they have no idea what you're talking about. Use your Muggle words.

You're making me feel like I'm back in math class.

You have a couple savants here with eye-hand coordination.

Say "game on" and let us play!

Version 2.0: Peg them with kickballs before they throw the volleyball through the hoop.

Brooms in, people. Hufflepuff on three.

One, two, three--

Hufflepuff!

Yeah, son! Let's get it!

Game time.

Let's get started in here!

No mercy!

No mercy!

Tips down!

Blue team ready?

Red team ready?

Bangarang!

Brooms up!

Ball!

Yeah!

Ten points, blue!

Billy, talk to me! What do I do?

What are we doing? It's chaos!

How do I do it?

I'm lost!

Hit up, hit up!

Whoa, whoa, what's happening?!

What the hell was that?

Try looking up and giving a shit!

Come on!

What am I supposed to-- Come get some of this! Who do I hit?

I want somebody to hit!

Broom between the legs!

My bad. Lesson learned.

What the fuck does this have to do with computers?

Stop. Don't move, fatty!

Blue, ten points!

Ball!

Thank you.

Time out!

Time.

Bring it in, guys!

Good work, everybody. Except you, Zach.

It's over. Our team's a joke.

Well, lain't laughing. Are you, Billy?

Hell, no.

We need to get our minds right and start believing.

This reminds me of a girl who had to start believing.

A girl from a steel town who had the dream...

...to dance.

No one believed in the welder girl, but she believed in herself.

Are you talking about "Flashdance"?

You're damn right I am!

The deck was stacked against Alex. You know how she overcame it?

By believing in herself and trying.

She literally had to become a maniac!

Have any of you been called a maniac because you were different?

My morn calls me a maniac when I tell her I love her.

Of course she does! You are a little bit... in a good way!

Well, guess what? They called Bill Gates a maniac, too.

No question.

I don't think anyone called him a maniac.

I just did!

You guys are getting off the point!

She had to strip down to nothing!

She had to sit in a chair, pull that chain to nowhere back and douse herself with water!

Where did that water come from? Who knows?!

It came from her belief it was there!

She believed so hard, she got an audition at the dance school...

...and she spun. Oh, she spun.

And she spun and she spun...

...and she spun herself into that dance school! And into our hearts.

Now, in the second half of whatever the hell you call this game...

...can't we all be that welder girl who wants to be something more?

I know you're not excited we're on your team. But we're here.

We're in this thing together.

So I'm asking you, believe in yourselves. Believe in each other.

Let's put on our leg warmers...

...and dance our asses off.

Come here, you little lovable maniacs. Get in here.

I have an idea that I think would make Bear Bryant smile.

I don't know who that is, but we're listening.

Let's go!

Stuart!

Neha!

Lyle, hit me! I got it!

Baby!

Blind her! I'm going in!

Yes!

Yo-Yo!

Eat it, Malfoy!

See you!

Coming at you, Nick!

Who's on blondie?

Let's go, boys!

Pick and roll!

Stockton and Malone. She shoots and scores!

Billy, what's up!

Tie game!

Where were you, huh?!

I had to use the restroom.

It's the Golden Snitch!

Who the fuck is this now?

Zach, get over here.

Fatface, it's time to fake an injury.

I don't know how.

Man down!

Get the tennis ball and we win!

Run, you big tree!

Go!

Come on, ref! Are you going to call that?

Yeah! Yeah!

That bitch just snaked me! That must be illegal!

Sorry. If I didn't see it, I can't call it.

You okay, Golden Boy?

The Snitch is fine.

G.D. it!

Don't start that, Yo-Yo. You did...

...your best out there. That's the first time we all came together as a team.

Billy's right.

Let's keep it rolling. Just keep it rolling.

Come on, let's get a frosty.

Nick?

Would I be wrong to call you my brother?

Of course not. I'd do anything for my little show pony. Anything.

I need you to ice my balls for me.

Brother!

Oh, boy.

Time to shut the engines down for a bit.

Take a load off, Nicky. What would I do without these babies?

This is a "shh" zone.

Oh, hi! Hey.

Sorry.

Sorry, sorry, sorry.

Thanks for sending me to that seminar. it was actually interesting.

Really? Absolutely.

What have you been up to?

I'm going to go.

No, no, wait!

You were here first. I'll leave. Sorry.

One thing--quick question.

If I was to invite someone out to a really nice dinner around here, where would I go?

Urn...

I wouldn't know. I spend most of my time on campus.

What? That's criminal!

Has it occurred to you I work hard for a reason, hmm?

This may sound silly to you, but I believe what we do here...

...makes people's lives better.

That doesn't sound silly. I think it's admirable.

I'm just saying that sometimes with all the work you can...

...forget about the person who matters most.

Is this a nap pod or a convo pod? Oh, that's right, it's a nap pod.

Shh! Yikes.

I know where you're going with this. You think...

I'm some 30-year-old exec who devoted her life to her career.

And one day I'll wake up wanting more. Stop me if I'm off base here.

What else? That I can't go on Facebook anymore... because it's only happy couples gloating over perfect babies in socks that look like sneakers?

Oh, yeah, the little Chuck Taylors.

Only I'm ten years too late. While I've been working, I missed out on the bad dates...

...and assholes and now I'm running out of time.

No one told me it was a game of musical chairs.

By the time I figured it out, it was too late.

Yeah.

Anyway...

Anyway, is that what you were going to say to me?

No. I was going to suggest you work harder.

That you buckle down and get to work.

You can't change the world while laying in a nap pod. But honestly...

...if any of what you just said applies even slightly to yourself...

...you might think about doing something about it.

That's coming from someone...

...who wakes up in the morning, and first thing on their calendar is regret.

And that's not a good feeling.

Anyway, I should go.

Thank you!

But before I do-- Oh, jeez!

Just bear with me. I want to throw down a challenge for you...

...to go out to dinner before I leave town.

I'll tell you if a window opens up.

Great. And if it does, don't minimize it.

Don't click the red X in the corner.

See? I'm getting it.

I get it.

Shh, go back to sleep.

Hey, Chetty!

Pretty good effort on the Quidditch field, huh?

It was a game throwing balls. And you lost.

But we really rallied in the second half. Kind of a spiritual victory.

Perhaps you'll land a spiritual job.

You know, the admissions committee was split on you. You made it by one vote.

The deciding member thought you showed promise.

It's clear now that he was wrong.

Sometimes the long shots pay off the biggest.

Enjoy your pudding.

I will.

Oh! And Chetty?

Not for nothing-- you can't get me not to like you.

Let's take this new team spirit and apply it to this next app challenge. We got this.

It'd help if we had an idea for one.

You bet your sweet ass it would, Stewie.

No. Never Stewie.

Perimeter breach acknowledged, Stuart.

It'll feel good when he warms up to me.

It's going to happen.

I'll break you down like a two-by-four, bronco. Watch me.

Let's brainstorm this puppy.

Put the coffee in the pot and let it percolate!

Let's explore what apps have been most popular.

Go backwards to go forwards!

Oh, and we can bin it. Categorize needle-movers by user.

Do what?

Hit it by function and user. Two-prong.

Taking out the shield generator on the forest moon of Endor and fighting with Admiral Ackbar.

It's not a trap!

Guys, I don't want to kill the momentum or the mojo...

...but needles and categories, they don't use apps.

People use apps.

So I have an idea. People take pictures, right?

They have their phones out, they see something, take it, but then the photo's just sitting there.

What if they take that photo and instantaneously put it out on the line and share it with friends?

That's Instagram. it already exists.

It's one of the most popular apps in the world.

Facebook bought it for a billion dollars.

Oh, no, no, mine's very different.

How is yours "very different"?

In mine, you put the photo out on the line.

"Online".

A photo exchange on the line.

That's Instagram.

Mine has social sharing on the line. Online.

When you keep saying "on the line", do you mean "online"?

Stuart, don't do that! He's got a million dollar idea there!

Billion dollar idea.

Even better! Let him flow.

You can't bring me down, I'm too positive.

Let me share something with you. Nah.

Come. I'll explain in a way that's visual.

He's bigger than you. Be careful.

So you're out there, you take a photo.

Pretend. Go ahead.

So you take that photo, put it on the line...

Online.

Put it on Twitter, whatever you want. That's lnstagram.

That is lnstagram. 100%.

I get it.

We're not dummies!

Point taken. Now let's go with my concept.

You've taken a photo instantaneously or not instantaneously and then...

...you take those and send those out on the line.

Online.

You don't have to say shit! You just say...

..."l like that photo" and share that photo on the line...

Online.

Now everyone's exchanging photos!

And that's why the photos being shared on the line will be known...

...as Exchangeagram!

Holy shitballs, Billy, we don't have time for this!

Hello, fellow interns! Graham Hawtrey here.

I've attached a link to our app...

...which has already been downloaded 230 times. Booyah!

We're going to lose another challenge.

We won't get these jobs. Our lives are basically ruined.

Hold on. Your life isn't ruined.

You guys are 21. You have your whole life in front of you.

Do you know what it's like to be 21 now?

A quarter of the kids coming out of college can't get jobs.

That's correct. Mother says you can work hard and...

...go to the right school but nothing is guaranteed anymore. That's life.

These guys are right.

The whole American Dream thing you guys grew up on, that's all it is now--a dream.

You're too young to be this cynical!

You really see the world this way?

That's not how we see it. It's just the way things are now.

That's it. Everybody up.

Breath-of-fresh-air time.

We have work to do.

No, no, no, no, no. Uh-uh. Uh-uh.

We're taking it to the street. We'll get our heads right...

...so we can work as a team.

What about the app? This is bigger than an app.

And we have something pretty terrific in our back pocket with Exchangeagram.

Just let it marinate.

Yeah, that's a winner.

Time to light it up forever and never go to sleep.

Can we talk about this online/on the line thing?

We're gonna follow the morons.

...and she says "Wait a minute, that's not a duck!"

My friend here says there's a dance club down the street that's great.

You're shitting me. Come on, let's hit it!


Are you sure he said "dance club"?

I was rocking Mandarin, he was rocking Cantonese.

Something clearly got confused. But I say, happy accident.

Show you to your table?

Great big world out there, my friend, just three inches up, I beg you.

Any questions?

Oh! Ooh!

Holy shit, that's deep.

I think that's our cue. Here we go.

Come on!

This is good. It's totally cool. It's great. Ahem!

You okay, firecracker?

What? Yeah! Totally! This is my jam.

This here is my shit.

I know, but if you don't want to be here, we'll grab the guys by their little boners and go back on the bus.

No, no, don't do that. Don't. It's just...

...I've only read about this stuff, okay?

Craigslist casual encounters. "Twilight" fan fiction. Hentai.

What's Hentai?

Japanese comic books where women get penetrated by octopus tentacles.

Oh!Ah!

Look, it's just...

...I have imagined everything. It's just...

...I've never done anything.

Your secret's safe with us.

And for what it's worth, your imagination is so wild...

...reality will be a breeze, if not a letdown.

Thanks. Show you to your table, cutie?


BILLY AND NICKI Let's go!

About time this group had a night.

Let the good times roll!

Here you go. Bottoms up, Yo-Yo.

Oh, I can't.

Why? You're 21, right?

Yeah, but my morn says alcohol numbs the brain.

I'm not saying a shot of tequila is the first step on the journey to self-respect...

...but maybe it's a step in the right direction. Maybe?

Your call.

One shot.

Bang it, Yo!

To the night you'll never remember!

Yeah!

He's getting down!

Look what we got cooking here.

Exchangeagram moment, bitches!

Ready for your first lap dance?

Are you kidding? Yo-Yo stays ready so he doesn't have to get ready.

This is Tapioca. She's studying to be a dental assistant.

Enjoy!

It happens all the time.

Some would say it's the point.

It's all good.

Might want to double up on the underwear next time.

I got to tell you, the reboot time is impressive.

Trifecta.

Cheers, bud.

Cheers, cheers.


No way!

Hi.

Is that your dance teacher from Google?

Go talk to her.

Yeah, fo shizzle, I'll just go up and I'm like...

..."Want to join the Lyle High Club?"

Lyle, sometimes the most radical move is to just be yourself.

And I really like the real Lyle.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Go on, you're burning daylight!

Let's do this.

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi. Hi.

Hi.

You were really good up there. I mean, that was amazing!

Not in like a sexual way.

Kind of in a sexual way.

You're very talented. Everything you do is special is what I'm saying.

I'm just so embarrassed.

You're emb-- Are you kidding? Now we're even...

...because dancing in your class at Google was one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

If it helps, I don't remember anything specifically awful.

Oh, poop. You don't remember.

That means we're not even.

There's only one very unfortunate way to fix that.

Oh?

That is burned in my memory. You can stop.

How about I stop if and only if I can buy you a drink?

I would love that.

Yeah'? Shots? Yeah.

Yes. Shots. Shots.


I love teaching at Google, but it's only part-time and doesn't cover my tuition, so I augment.

No, don't augment. You're perfect the way you are!

Can I get a dance?

Not now. Look, bitch...

...I don't know who this geek is, but I spent a shitload of dinero here, and I expect to nut.

Yeah, no, I'm totally a geek, Biff Tannen.

Who's Biff Tannen?

You're Biff from "Back to the Future", right?

Want to take this outside?

No, I'd rather stay here and talk to the pretty girl.

Let's rock, not talk.

Hey, man.

Is there a problem?

It looks like somebody needs their way older brothers to fight for him, huh?

Oh, it's the United Colors of Nerd!

Do you all work together?

I'm going to go out on a limb and say it's a tech company.

Free cereal and ugly people.

Oh! Whoa! Hey!

Come on, take it easy! Is this the Jets and the Sharks?

Why don't you guys head that way and we'll head that way and never the twain shall meet.

Have a great night.

That's a good idea.

My mother hits harder than you!

Down goes stranger!

What's up? Oh, shit.

If I see you again, I'll kill you!

Hide your kids! Hide your wife!

That's how you party!

We're too hot to party! That's why they got to kick us out!

'Cause they're gonna call the fire department!

Bring it outside to party!

Look at that view!

You're not gonna see that on your 4-inch screen. You got to look up.

Buddy, you were an animal out there tonight!

You were. Did you have a good time?

Yeah, it was all right.

"It was all right." Why do you do that?

What do you mean? Do what?

Lowball me like that! I'm not going to take away...

...your cool guy card if you admit you give a shit about something or, God forbid, had a great time.

Um... All right, it was fun.

Stewie...

What? Come on!

You want me to say it was the best night of my life?

Only if it's true.

Okay, it was the best night of my life.

My Noogler! Come here!

My Noogler.

I don't believe there hasn't been one boyfriend.

Nope. That's embarrassing.

It's nothing to be embarrassed of. You have plenty of time.

I mean, you're the whole package.

You're beautiful. You're smart. You have great teeth.

You do. Unbelievable choppers on the old girl, I mean it!

And terrific shoes. I'm always excited to see what kind of get-up you're going to throw together.

That part's true.

It is true. A lot of great things going on.

Some guy will find himself very lucky to be next to you.

I'm not so sure.

Well, I am.

And I've been around a little bit.

I'm positive.

Hot thing, hot thing Hot thing, what up with it?

Lyle! Looks like you hit it off with Saffron tonight.

I'm texting her that I love her and sending a picture I just took...

...of little Lyle when he made pee in the bushes. Look, he's winking.

Lyle, that's a horrible idea. Don't do that. You're drunk off your ass.

I appreciate your concern, but I'm flying, baby.

Lyle, you're not flying. Look, what's 17 squared?

289, why?

Give me a harder question than that.

Try, uh, maybe square root of seventeen.

4.23 maybe?

That's the app. That's the app we should do.

A quiz question you have to answer before you can send a drunk text or a drunk email or phone call.

Something to protect you from yourself.

That's good. Can we do that?

Hells, yeah!

Are you shitting me? I could program the shit out of that on the bus ride home.

I'll take that as an overwhelming yes! Come on!

Let's get back to HQ!

Wait.

Let's stay five more minutes. Enjoy the view a little more.

NICKI All right.

Wow. Yeah.

The whole world looks like a giant pinwheel of death.

Price of making memories, Stewie.

I think my liver hurts.

Astonishingly, your app... received ten times more downloads than any other team's.

It appears you won your first challenge.

How about it?!

Congratulations.

Come on, baby!

The lead!

Oh, easy there, big guy.

He gets overexcited.

Lovely.

Let it out.

Let it out, little feller.


Our Professor X was way meaner than this guy.

It wasn't funny at the time.

What I'm doing is supercharging my CSS and HTML skills...

...'cause you can do both simultaneously.

HTML5, right?

That's one step beyond the HTML5 they mentioned the other day with the CSS3, remember?

No.

When writing code, you have your choice of a number of editors, such as...

Emacs, nano and vi, of course.

What does that mean?

They have syntax highlighting and autocomplete. Questions?

It occurred to me, why not use Emacs rather than vi as the default editor for Ubuntu?

That's actually a very good thought, Nick.

Thank you.

Vi versus Emacs is a constant debate. Moving on.

Sammy!

Did you forget an insult?

Billy, you magnificent son of a bitch! How's unemployment?

Come work for me.

Sammy, I thought you retired.

I did, Nicky, but I have stumbled onto King Solomon's Mines.

Two words: motorized scooters.

Go to Modesto, check out old age homes.

Ah, Sammy, we have a gig.

We have a new gig.

We're interns at Google.

Interns at Google? Who are you kidding?

You're salesmen! This is a sales gig.

It's a job.

We've had jobs. We're building a future.

And I'm trying to get hard on my own, but the Cialis is a guarantee.

You finish this "internship", who knows what will happen?

Exactly. Who knows what will happen'?

That's what I said. Why are you repeating me?

Shh! Time for baby to go night-night.

Billy, you're cutting out.

That felt great.

I'll catch up with you later, okay?

Okay. See you in a bit.

If this is being a workaholic, maybe I should get a glass.

I have fifteen minutes until my next meeting.

You know how we were talking about regret, and--

You were talking about regret.

I don't want to add not asking you out to that list, because that credit card is maxed out.

So can we establish you are, in fact, asking me out on a date?

Yes. And I figure I'm such a mountain of mistakes that going outwith me just once this evening...

...will be like packing ten years of bad experiences into one night.

Okay. Fine.

L-m saying yes Yes?

Great. I'm in.

I'll leave you to it.

Okay. Tonight.

Hello, William.

I've been watching you.

You should choose your words more carefully in a bathhouse.

In the words of Nelly:

"it's gettin' hot in herre."

It's getting hot out there, too.

You definitely got my attention.

Okay, I want to go put my robe on now.

Enough to do research on you.

What did we find out? Let's see.

Your company was shut down, your home was foreclosed upon...

...your credit score is actually negative.

That's kind of amazing, Billy. That's hard to do.

You try hard, McMahon. I'll give you that.

But things never quite work out for you, do they?

I could waste my energy trying to beat you.

But it seems, given enough time, you always find a way to fail.

I just need to get out of your way.

So this is me going.

Only two challenges remain.

After which, a mere handful of you will be offered full-time employment.

The next challenge is manning the Google helpline.

This is one of the most difficult jobs we have...

...combining both customer relations and product fluency.

You will be judged on both.

This...

...is a very tight race right now.

I suggest you study up.

Okay, let's drill it and kill it.

Authorization failure with Google Drive. Neha.

Permission's probably changed. Request access.

Barn! Chrome connectivity. Nick.

Unselect proxy server for your LAN.

Nice! Billy, I'm locked out of my Google Wallet account.

Is that under Gmail or Wallet Help?

"I don't know, sir. That's kind of what I called you for."

Look, I'm terrific on phones. I can sell prosciutto to a rabbi, and I have.

But you're not selling anything.

You can't bullshit your way through this one.

The only way to nail this challenge is to study.

Then study up is what I'm going to do.

Let me ask you, is there a blanket statement I could say...

...that could apply to literally anything?

And then I either shove product down their face or give them another hotline.

You're tech support, so if you refer them to another number...

...your phone will ring again, 'cause it's your number you referred to.

I'm suggesting, give me the blanket thing, so I'm not wrong or right...

...then I either hit them with a real helpline or push some product on them.

I can shove product down their throat.

You're working too hard. All you have to do is click the button and read.

I got it.

Barn! Done. Read it.

I got it. I'll do it.

That's my man, Bill.

You'll get it.

Is it just me, or is this food incredible?

You're a liar.

What?

You were supposed to be an asshole.

Come on!

You were supposed to pack a decade of jerks and bad dates into one night.

Remember?

Now I remember, yes.

But so far you've been...totally fine.

Totally fine?

Wah-wah.

I have dropped the ball. I promised that and didn't deliver.

Can we get the check, please?

May we get the check... Jennifer?

How'd you know my...?

It says right here on this little necklace.

And now I have the name, how about the number?

Oh, I'm just kidding. Or maybe I'm not kidding.

You're so cute. Beautiful.

Did you just hit on the waitress?

I did, yes! The lady asked for a jerk and I am trying to live up to my promise.

I said ten years of assholes. You have some ground to cover.

I think you've had enough dessert.

I've been watching you eat all night.

I'll take care of this. You have to watch your figure... and you're right on the borderline.

You know what they say, "A moment on the lips, forever on the hips."

Mmm! This is divine! Oh, you do not know what you are missing.

That's nice.

Here's something you aren't missing-- the check. I paid for the cab.

Bullshit! Right?

Wow, a little heart and everything.

Why don't you take care of that?

The night is still young. I'm taking you to see some dogfights.

Rock and roll! I think we're up to five years.

All right.

I'll get this.

Oh!

That's amazing!

"In Gmail, a 'bad request' message shows if..."

"...shows if..."

"...your Internet is down."

Son of a bitch!

It shows--

Jesus Christ! You scared the shit out of me!

--If your browser has a bad or outdated cookie.

Wait, you could... Hmm?

Yes, I can hear everything. I'm not actually listening to anything.

It allows me to be with myself.

I'm not very good with other humans.

I'm not very good with Gmail support.

No, actually, you're quite horrible.

You can do this. This can be learned.

But those kids...

...the way they look at you-- you have a way with people.

That's a lost art.

Go again.

Go again.

"In Chrome..."

For you, this is like teaching a little kid the alphabet, right?

No, actually, it's like teaching a kid a letter. Just one letter.

Your strong point would not be communicating to humans.

I know.

All right, that's my guy. Give it to me straight. I like it. No chaser.

We're having fun.

I am. I hope you are.


Well, thank you. That was really awful.

Ah! You're welcome. I aim to please.

I told you I'd deliver on ten years of assholes. I think I did a pretty good job.

A little bit too convincing at times.

Was it? That doesn't surprise me.

When you've been out there as long as I have, you learn to play the game.

Oh, I'd be out there, laying my rap. I'd have girls literally thinking I was an astronomer.

I'd be pointing out constellations and harvest moons.

"Oh, there's Pluto!"

Then they'd start to fact check you with the Internet.

Google singlehandedly cut into my ability to bullshit.

Cramping your style?

Big time.

Making you a better person?

True. Ninety percent Google, ten percent you.

Just ten percent? Really?

Let's call it twenty percent.

You know, um...

...I really didn't expect to like you.

I didn't think you'd like me, either.

Thank you.

That was my ride home.

I know.

Good morning. Welcome to the Google Helpline.

You will man the phones for one hour. Before you begin...

I'm so ready for this thing. I was up all night studying.

This is where Team Lyle takes the lead.

--The log file icon, accessing your account, so we can review your work later.

The Helpline...

...is open.

Google Helpline. My name's Billy. How can I help you?

So you're locked out of your Gmail.

Well, the good news is Uncle Bill here...

...has a key under the mat.

I'm going to play a hunch here. Delete all your cookies.

Did that work? Great.

You probably have too many Gmails open at the same time.

Go ahead and close a couple and--

Okay, great. Thank you. Call with anything else.

Not a problem. You want to click on the gear icon, then Settings, then Advanced Settings.

Yeah, you can have the same tabs open across all your devices.

So the browser windows keep opening and you're telling me that's from Amazon?

You need anti-virus software.

Let's fix that before the wife gets home-- am I making sense?

Sign into Google Wallet and update your credit card.

That's the problem.

Switching time zones causes a Calendar sync issue. Are you on vacation?

Miami, nice.

Let's get your cache cleared up, then I'll talk you through the best Cuban spots in town.

Google Helpline, this is Graham.

Your device isn't compatible with Google Play.

I want you out there salsa-ing and grinding up...

...against a complete stranger, having a good time doing the wrong things. Are we on the same page?

See the box at the bottom of your window? Click it twice.

Come on, baby, let me hear you do that conga You know you can't control it any longer Time's up!

So soon? I was just getting warmed up!

Good going here!

Whoo! Come on, Ladybug!

Please submit your log files so I may review your work later.

Happily. Just click the blue button.

Where's that?

Blue button, upper left.

Mine's not blue, it's grey. I can't click it.

The blue one.

Mine won't click. It's grey.

Is anyone else's grey?

Did you not hear my opening remarks?

Most of them.

I was getting in the zone.

I was very clear that you have to log into your account so I could review your work later.

The good news is you reviewed my work now.

You don't need the instant replay because you saw the touchdown live.

I don't really understand that analogy, but I do know...

...attention to detail is of paramount importance here...

...and my instructions were explicit.

If there is no recording... it's as if you didn't even show up today.

Except I did show up. I'm right here.

Well, according to your log, you're not.

And since every intern must complete...

...the challenge in order for your team to be scored...

...your team...

...will unfortunately receive a score...of zero.

Zero?

Well done, Mr. McMahon.

Perhaps more studying, less pudding.

Chetty, come on. You're not going to trip us up with a technicality. He's right here.

Oh, Billy, Billy. What have you done?

It's you lot I feel bad for.

It's really hard to get here.

You're probably pretty intelligent.

You deserve better.

I'm sorry.

It's all right, El Niño, we'll get them.

I studied for the test.

Great. Another win for Team Graham.

There's only one challenge left.

Even if we're perfect, it won't be enough.

We had them, too.

We did, but it's just a little hiccup, a little adversity.

Nick, come on. Billy's a great guy, but he kind of blew it for us today.

They're right, Nick.

I just wanted to come by and let you know...

I did study last night, I tried my best. It's just...

...that today on the phones... It's my fault.

And, uh...

...he was right when he said you deserved better.

I'm really sorry that I cost you.

Damn.

Billy, stop!

I'm not helping anybody here.

What do you mean? You're helping those kids!

Where are you going?

You going radio silence on me?

I'm not letting you ride away from the Garden of Eden!

I let down the team!

You didn't letdown the team! Who cares if you made a mistake?

I'm not taking everyone down with me.

Billy, give me a chance to turn you with a sports metaphor.

Damn it, Nick, it's the best thing for everybody!

Stop dragging me down with all your horseshit!

You're doing great here, okay? I'm not! I got it!

Just get off my back.

How dare you! How dare you!

Shame on you! Put this badge back on!

If you're going to quit, quit, but don't give me this crap that it's better for them!

Come on, Billy!


Randy?

I'm Billy McMahon. Sammy sent me? I'm the new salesman.

No shit!

My new partner.

Ladies and gentlemen, it has been...

...an impressive summer.

One final challenge remains.

Sales.

Over a million companies advertise with Google. Find one that doesn't.

Convince them.

The bigger the sale, the more chance you have of taking this competition.

The winner will be announced at our final meeting this afternoon. Good luck.

Happy hunting!

On me!

Sales--done! Those other bitches are going down!

Where's Billy?

He left.

You heard him. He thought he was holding us back and he didn't want to talk about it.

We got to get him back.

We're a team--you guys taught us that.

It was buried under a mountain of obscure 80s references...

...and just a ton of...

...other super inappropriate bullshit I guess was intended as life lessons...

...but you did teach us how to come together, Nick.

The problem is, when he makes up his mind on something...

...Billy has a tendency to really dig in.

We may have to do this without him.

But, Nick...

...we wouldn't want to. Right, guys?

Hey, Tony!

Slow it down, man. Just kidding.

How long you worked this territory?

Three years.

It's great-- you build a relationship with the customer.

Then they die.

You resell scooters with 25, 35 miles on them, tops. Everybody wins!

Hey! Look who's back!

Hey, Randy!

Hey, old timer.

Hey, Randy.

What do you want?

Treat them like shit-- makes them want you more.

Everybody, listen up!

This is my new tail gunner, Billy!

Billy, tell them about that sweet ride you pulled up on.

Oh, you mean the brand new X-70.

It has an eight-hour motor, and a rear-mounted stainless sleeve for your oxy tank.

You have no idea how much boning goes on here.

It's amazing. Check this one out-- Ethel, that's her name.

She calls my junk the "cocoon".

Says it makes her feel younger.

Lowered her blood pressure. I'm not fighting it.

I'm a life-giver and a lovemaker. Ethel!

Ethel!

What's up, girl? Look who's back!

Come here, boo. Who's your friend?

Billy!

What are you doing here?

What are you doing here?

Billy! Hi.

Ethel and Doris tell me they're up for a little group play.

Can I count you in?

What the shit?

Uh... I'm sorry. Randy, this is my old partner, Nick.

Nick, this is my new partner, Randy.

Welcome to the jungle, ese.

Billy, can I count you in?

Give me a second here.

No problem.

What are you doing?

New partner, huh?

I'm a salesman. I sell things.

I remember another guy who was selling mattresses...

...when in walks this behemoth! Big guy. Big mouth. Big dreams.

He made this old son of a gun remember dreams are still floating around out there.

You just got to reach out and grab them.

I reached for my dreams. I messed it up for everybody.

You forgot to click a button! You're not a computer wizard!

You're also not a pussy.

You're tough. You grew up in the 70s. There weren't any computers!

Or bike helmets or sunscreens or seatbelts. Did you wear a seatbelt?

No.

What was your seatbelt?

My mom went like this.

Yeah. And how did that work out?

You know. I went through the windshield.

Eighty-nine stitches.

You looked like a little badass in third grade.

And were you afraid to get back in that station wagon?

Nah. Five years later...

...you took out that same car, without permission from nobody.

Not your parents, not Old Man Law.

Just you and Sally Moran, parked at the point, finger-blasting away!

Didn't even know if you were doing it right!

Where are you going with this?

I'm saying life is that station wagon, okay?

Yeah, sometimes it's going to throw you through the windshield and crack your skull open.

Maybe even break your heart.

But every once in a while, it drops a Sally Moran in your seat.

We came to Google for a reason.

I can't promise we'll win, but we're going back there...

...to see those kids and we're going to see it through.

Now you get your ass back in that car and ride.

You hear me, Billy Bojangles McMahon? Ride!

"Contextual targeting technology can...

...automatically match your ads...

...to webpages...

...that are most relevant to your business."

Yo-Yo?

"Review ad performance to see impressions...

...click, cost and conversion data."

You seem like good kids and I appreciate you stopping by...

...but we're just a family-run business. We don't do the Internet.

Thanks for coming. Frankie will get you a slice on the way out.

Oi, oi!

Oh, great.

Lovely. This guy.

Saw you checked in here on foursquare, so we stopped by.

That's really creepy. Is that all?

It is all, actually. We just closed a sale at a coffee shop down the street.

Your chances of catching up to us went from zero to piss all.

Now if you'll excuse us, we have to get to the final meeting.

Get those jobs of which we're so profoundly deserving.

Zach?

Eyes off the pizza.

God made you lactose intolerant for a reason.

You're so fat.

You're so fat.

Let's go!

On me!

What a douche!

Guys.

Welcome back, Billy boy.

Good to be with you.

What happened there?

Uh, well, he didn't bite, so it didn't go well.

You know who else it didn't go well for'?

Lay it on us.

That's right, the steel town girl, Alex.

When she finally got her shot, she took a tumble and fell.

But she picked herself back up...

...tightened that little ass, pumped her legs...

...and danced herself right back into a slot at that dance school.

And that's what we're going to do.

Tighten your asses, let's go.

Let's get her done, boys.

Guys, we've always done things the same way--

Yellow Pages, flyers, San Jose Mercury News.

We're all creatures of habit, Sal.

We like what we know, no question.

But you know what the scariest thing in life is'?

The thing in life that frightens us the most?

Change.

I think most people are set in their ways.

I know I need change to come along and kick me in the ass to get me moving.

Guys, I know where you're going.

But I'm not changing anything.

Like I told your friends, we're getting by okay.

Sal, if you fight for your limitations, you get to keep them.

You're getting by okay.

Okay isn't good.

Okay isn't great, or fantastic.

I'm starting to think he's selfish!

I don't want to get sideways with you...

...you're as big as a barn! But you're an artist! This is great pizza!

Picasso with pepperoni!

And don't even get me started on the sauce.

Is there nutmeg in there? I respect the fact...

...you don't want to divulge, but if I'm right, don't say anything.

Exactly!

There's your answer!

Come on!

All I'm saying is, why should Papa John's... make all the dough when Papa Sal has the better sauce?

You sound like him. He wants to open a Sal's in Los Gatos.

The big chains are killing us. We barely stay afloat.

When you franchise, you lose quality.

You lose the taste that people trust.

You want to know why my sauce is better?

I go to the farmers' market every day. I buy tomatoes...

...get the basil, the oregano.

I know these people. I'm part of the fabric of this neighborhood.

That's good enough for me.

Sal, that's better than good enough. That's the best.

We don't want you to abandon the neighborhood.

All we're saying is, what if your neighborhood got a little bit bigger?

Take a look at this, Sal. These are all people who love your pizza.

Talk about word of mouth, huh?

Don't you want to talk back to them?

There are almost as many people from Los Gatos searching for Sal's as there are in Palo Alto.

If there was a location closer to them, they'd be regulars.

Boom! Just found a great commercial spot on Los Gatos Boulevard, just hit the market.

It's .3 miles away from the nearest farmers' market.

You can smell the tomatoes from your door.

Farm to table!

F to T!

F to T is exactly right, Gomer Lyle!

We're not asking you to abandon the artistry, just...

...expand the reach a little. At the end of the day, the kids have their information.

It's all accurate. I get it, and I know you do, too.

Sal, I can't blame you for being a little afraid.

Hell, we were scared for a long time out there, grinding it out.

And Lord knows I've fallen on my ass more than a time or two.

But I promise you something.

You lift your head up...

...and take a breath...

...there are a lot of great possibilities out there.

New customers, new franchise--

--just the tip of the iceberg. It's waiting at the click of a button.

Everybody's searching for something.

They're searching for you.

We just want to help them find you.

T.G.I.F., Nooglers!

All right!

Easy, easy. It's okay.

Today marks not only the end of the week, but the end of the summer's internships.

I know.

As you see through these images behind me, it's been quite a journey.

A lot of memories, a lot of bonds were made.

Kind of reminds me of the first time I-- All right.

Today we reveal the intern team...

...that will be awarded jobs here.

Sadly, one team has not returned, so...

...therefore I am forced to calculate the results with their score as an incomplete.

We have a victor.

Congratulations--

What's going on?

What a feeling Being's believing Okay, calm down!

Pictures come alive You can dance right through your life

Take your passion And make it happen Pictures come alive You can dance right through your life

What a feeling Nice!

Come on!

Extra toppings on this one, boss.

I see that.

Yeah!

That's enough!

That's enough! !

Lovely theatrics, but the jig is up.

It's too late. Rules are rules, right, Chetty?

Yes. Rules are rules.

And the rules state that every team has the right...

...until the announcement is made to turn in their sales.

So, in spite of your lack of punctuality, which is astounding...

...I have no choice but to accept this submission...

...and to recalculate.

Go ahead. Recalculate.

One sale to a small family pizza joint won't make a difference.

It does seem that Mr. Hawtrey is correct once again.

Boom!

The sales from one shop on the last challenge...

...are not enough to put you in the lead.

I'm sorry, bud.

MR. CHETTYY But...

...this...

...is not one shop.

You see, this... is a blossoming franchise with endless possibilities, thanks to you.

And what you have done as a team is connect to people.

And connect those people to information.

Which is what we do.

And more than that, you have the courage to dream.

In spite of your obvious and astonishing limitations...

...you never gave up on that dream.

So...

...gentlemen...

...and lady...

Whoa, whoa, hold on.

Chetty, no offense, you're a glorified babysitter.

Let's get somebody down here who means something.

I'm right here.

Terrific.

Graham, please meet Mr. Anderson.

You know this guy?

I should think so. Andrew here is the head of Search...

...a rather important position here at Google.

Honored-- It's an honor.

Look at you, Headphones. A little mystery behind the boy.

How do you know him?

We were encouraged to reach out to experienced Googlers.

To reach out to other Googlers, not just kiss their asses.

You see, these interns are smart...

...collaborative... pretty... Thank you.

...and just weird enough to make them interesting.

Also, they came together as a team...

...to do something here.

Their Googliness is truly off the charts.

Oh, stop with the "Googliness". What does that even mean?

The fact that you don't know what it means is why you will never work here.

Also...

...you just made me use a bunch of words in front of a ton of people.

Look at me-- you're a real dick for doing that.

Look at me again. And I know that your accent is bullshit.

What?

So...

...welcome to Google.

All right!

Yes!

I have a job!

I have a job!

Why are you getting up? I should be the winner.

I hope you're all happy.

Maybe if I had a team of equals who contributed once in a while, this wouldn't have happened.

What do you have to say for yourself, eh?

I think it's time to fake an injury.

What are you--

Ohh!

Man down!

Chetty, I appreciate what you said back there.

You had us figured wrong from the start.

He voted for you from the start.

What?

Mr. Chetty was the deciding vote.

I didn't have a fancy education like most of the people here.

I had to work hard to get where I am.

I recognized a similar tenacity in you two, so I took a chance on you.

You did test my faith a few times.

Basically, the entire time.

But I'm glad you proved me right.

Chetty, thanks for betting on us.

It looks like you'll be seeing a lot more of me here.

So it does. Congratulations.

Thank you.

The other night--

It was fun.

It was fun.

Right? Yeah.

No regrets.

No.

Let's get to that warm, fuzzy part.

That's not going to happen.

I love him even more. He leaves it cold like that.

You keep playing hard to get, you'll find yourself alone!

We're not having a beer together.

We're going to have five. We're equals now.

No, we're not.

Yes, we are! No, we're not.

Let's go find more interns.

Please stop talking to me.

We'll get drunk!

Have a great senior year. We'll keep your desk chairs warm. Team Lyle!

Team Lyle!

Yo-Yo! Come! Now!

Mom, I need a minute.

We need to-- Mom.

I'm saying good-bye to my friends. I'm taking a minute.

Okay?

You grew an eyebrow, Yo-Yo! Come on!

Okay, you riff-raff, get out of here! See you down the road.

Thank you, Captain.

Thank you, Big B.

My Khaleesi.

My sun and stars.

Want to get weird in a nap pool'?

So, don't be a stranger. Shoot me a text sometime.

Forget that. I'll come see you in person.

I'd like that.

I grew a pair of balls, did you see?

A big pair.

You were amazing!

They're touching my ankles.

Okay, we don't need that.

Congratulations, guys.

Thank you, boss!

I did get you a little something. Not to get too sentimental...

Whoa! Whoa!

Look at this high roller! Busting out the Pappy on me!

I figured we earned a swig. Mmm-hmm!

Hell of a summer, bud.

Hell of a summer.

Doo wacko!

Here is to you, honey But I'm out of your league Never gonna pass me 'Cause I'm out of your league, your league, your league Lookie here, baby You're coming my way But I move like a landslide So get out of my way and stay away Up from the floor on the count of ten Oh, you get up, you get down and you try it again Up and down and around again British! Listen, Professor--

All right

Time to learn a lesson Like Pavlov's dog If same-mg isn't working Why don't you different instead, instead, instead Like Samson and Delilah Attila and the Huns I understand that, but here we go.

Go cheek to cheek.

Yes, yes, I get it.

Hi, my name is Billy!

Nick Campbell.

Oh, you get up, you get down and you try it again Up and down and around again Oh, you get up, you get down and you try it again

Oh, you get up, you get down and you try it again

Oh, you get up, you get down and you try it again

Guys, hey.

Hey. So, what do you think?

Cosplay, what can you say?

I knew you'd love it. Stuart totally loves it too, now.

You guys have fun. Okay, great.

Don't worry about us, we're having a great time.

Don't worry about us, we're having fun.

Here we go. I get it.

Classics Luke and Han with Boba Fett.

Couple of observers, we're just here to observe.

It's me. Kevin!

What the shit? Guys.

Kevin? Yeah!

What the hell are you doing here? Cosby.

Is it your first time at Cosby? Excuse me?

It's my new journey. And I have you to thank.

You really pointed some things out, I was being a jerk to people.

'Cause I was hurting inside.

Hell, it takes a big man to admit he's wrong, Kevin.

Good for you.

Anyway, I'm gonna dive back into the fun. Ooh!

Check out this hot little number.

I don't know if it's an Ewok or a space squirrel.

I can't wait to rip into that.

How do you know who's underneath the mask?

Look, I don't know what's underneath the hood, and I don't give a shit.

I'm insatiable. Now if you'll excuse me, old Boba Fett's gonna give this squirrel a couple of nuts to hide.

You know Boba Fett, he always fucked the space squirrel at the end of the movie.

Audience knew it was coming, audience wanted it.

Audience got it!

She's coming on to me because she said I'm lonely Darling, please But instead of waiting, I go flying off to you Why? Oh, well, just because


I arrive when you're gone, so I wait at your door You pull up in some guy's car around four I punch him, kiss then carry you inside Why? Oh, well, just because


Oh, baby, do you like me that way?

There's something 'bout you that makes me want to say I don't mind, I don't mind, I don't mind Oh, baby, I like it that way She's coming home to me because she said I'm lonely Darling, please But instead of waiting, I go flying off to you