The Love Bug (1968) Script

I'd like another shot at that prize money.

Okay for next Sunday? No, Jim. It ain't okay.

Now, look, Bice... No, you look.

All of my drivers are 18, 19.

You're too old for these kid snorts.

You're liable to get hurt in there.

You used to be a big track driver. Ain't you got no pride?

I ran out of pride when I ran out of cars.

Jim, you gotta look at yourself.

Okay, you start out all right. You win a couple of tracks, you think you're on your way.

But it didn't work out, did it?

Much obliged. You need any money?

Nope.

Hey.

What do you do with this stuff?

It's for a friend.

Hey! How'd it go?

Okay.

I brought you something. Oh, thanks.

Aw, the poor thing.

I'll find a good spot for it.

You got hurt again. So?

One of these days you're gonna get wiped out entirely.

Why you gotta be a driver?

Maybe that's not your thing, racing.

How about all those car agencies down on Van Ness?

I bet a top mechanic there gets a lot of good bread laid on him.

What is the matter with everybody?

Can't you understand? I'm not a mechanic, I'm a driver.

I know just how you feel, Jim.

Hey, I used to think I was happy painting flower seeds.

Then one day, inside me, this little voice says, "Tennessee Steinmetz."

I said, "What?" It said, "You ain't happy."

Tennessee, why is it the only thing we have in this house is parrot food?

I mean, we don't have a parrot. Eat that. That's good.

That's pressed kelp. That aerates your liver.

Then this voice inside of me continued as follows:

"This is nowhere. Ya gotta make a new scene.

Ya gotta change your bag."

That's when I split. I went to Tibet, to a mountaintop, with swamis and monks.

I discovered my real self.

It was wonderful.

I don't have to go to Tibet.

I know who I am.

I know what I want.

There are dirt track races at a carnival near Bakersfield this week.

If I can get over there I can pick up a couple of bucks. Okay to use your wheels?

Okay, but you're gonna have a little trouble getting it started.

Where's the beast?

You didn't cut up the Edsel.

It came over me all of a sudden.

It was the only decent thing to do.

Believe me, Jim, it'll be happier up there.

[Laughing]


[No Audio]

Are you all right? Are you dizzy?

Oh, no. There's a slight racking pain in my head here.

Oh, well, I think you'd better sit down. I'm really terribly sorry.

Well, it's not your fault. I didn't mean to startle you.

Looks like you've been running into all sorts of things lately.

Yeah. Oh, this is just a little...

Oh, lady. [Chuckling] Oh, really, sir.

Excuse me.

Over 400 cubes.

Dual quads, all synchro box, zero to 60 under five.

All right, Miss Bennett. I'll see to this gentleman myself.

May I be of service, sir?

I see that you're a person who appreciates fine things.

You're no doubt aware that this is the celebrated Thorndyke special.

Allow me to say, sir, that I think this car would suit you very well.

Yes. Yes, it would.

May I offer you a glass of sherry and a biscuit? Go right ahead.

I take it the question of price does not greatly concern a gentleman like yourself.

Oh, I wouldn't haggle if that's what you mean.

What price range did you have in mind?

About $75.

$75. [Laughs]

I could go 80 in a pinch. What do you have in the way of cheap, honest transportation?

Cheap, honest transportation!

I will bid you good day, sir.

Good day.

Hey!

Havershaw!

Now, where did this come from?

Mr Thorndyke, yes, sir? What is this thing doing in my showroom?

I believe Miss Bennett may know something about this.

Yes. You remember when Mrs van Luit purchased her new Bentley?

She also requested us to buy a small used car for her upstairs maid.

Then why isn't her upstairs maid in her blasted vehicle?

The car was returned this morning, Mr Thorndyke.

She was having some kind of difficulty with it.

Get it out of here! Yes, sir.

What's that for?

I beg your pardon? Why don't you let the little car alone?

Are you presuming to tell me what to do in my own establishment?

Okay, I'm out of line.

It just bugs me to see somebody abusing a decent piece of machinery.

[Laughing] How fascinating. Well, now that we've had the benefit of your point of view, shall we regard our relationship as terminated?

Havershaw! Get this eyesore out of my showroom.

And if ever I find it here again, someone is going to find himself in a great deal of trouble!

Yes, sir. Of course. Boys, here we go.

Here we go. [Grunting]

Sorry. None of my business, is it? Perfectly all right.

Goodbye. Oh. Goodbye.

[Bell Ringing]

[Ringing Continues]

[Buzzing]

Good morning. Good morning. What do you want?

Police. Right. What do you want?

Forgive me for pointing, but have you ever seen that car before?

No. No, I haven't. Hey, he's a cute little fella.

Hey, wait a minute.

Wait a minute. I think I saw that car at an agency yesterday.

Now, permit to inform you of the following:

First, say nothing that would jeopardize your constitutional rights.

Second, the minute you get downtown, I would advise you get a good lawyer.

Shall we go? Go? What for?

On suspicion of grand theft.

Now, wait a minute. There's something cockeyed about this.

How did that little car get here?

I share your curiosity. Shall we go?

[Laughing]

I'll do it. Okay, I'll do it.

But I want to go on record. I have seen some crummy stunts used to sell cars, but this beats everything.

To plant this Bug in the possession of an innocent man and accuse me of stealing it!

How dare you, sir!

Are you suggesting I would stoop to such tactics?

That's exactly what I'm suggesting!

In the first place, it might interest you to know that under normal circumstances, I would never sell a car to someone with whom I'm not, shall we say, socially compatible.

You'd sell a car... Please! Let's not go through that again.

I think we've worked it out very well.

Mr Douglas needs a car, and for a very low amount down... and the usual monthly payments, the car will become his.

Very well, even though my inclination is to have Mr Douglas clapped into jail, and this four-wheeled contrivance dropped into the bay!

I think Mr Thorndyke is being very fair. Fair? It's not fair!

I'm being muscled! I want you to know that I know it and I don't like it!

[Miss Bennett] I'll draw up the papers.

Would you come with me, please?

Then get Mr Douglas and his acquisition out of here... before I lose my temper!

[Liquid Squirting] What in...


What's the matter? You from L.A. Or something?

[Tyres Screeching]

I thought we'd run over to that new restaurant in Marin County. [Tyres Screeching]

Have you gone mad?

Okay. What's the joke?

What do you mean? I don't know how you rigged it, but I'm sure that car's a real cutup when a convention comes to town. What in the name...

If I'd wanted a trick car I would have bought one in a joke shop.

Allow me to say I haven't the slightest idea what you're talking about.

You come blithering up in that beastly little car... and assault my personal Rolls Royce!

I brought it back.

I want my money, I want the papers I signed, then I'll get out and you two clowns can have your little laugh.

Mr Douglas, if there is anything wrong with the car, would you be good enough to tell me what it is?

It's just that that it wants to go one way and I'd like to go the other.

Whatever it is, none of it is covered in our guarantee. I'm sure of that.

If you examine paragraph 12... Excuse me, Mr Thorndyke.

If I sold this gentleman the car I feel a certain responsibility.

Do you mind if I try it?

Miss Bennett! Our dinner engagement.

I won't be a minute.

Seems to be acting all right now.

Sometimes new car owners have a tendency to exaggerate their problems.

We get that all the time.

Believe me, when I was in this car alone...

Just treat it gently at first. It really is a fine automobile.

Have you had much experience with cars?

Look, lady, by profession I'm a racing driver.

Oh, that Jim Douglas.

What do you mean, "That Jim Douglas"?

Let's see, two years ago at Laguna Seca... you spun out and hung a beautiful Buick Special on the back fence.

At Willow Springs, a year ago last February, you sprayed a Lotus all over the infield.

How do you know all that?

I have trouble with names and faces, but I never forget a car.

I like good machinery.

Now, why don't you give this little car a fair chance.

You bought it; enjoy it.

You can drive me back now.

[Tyres Screeching]

What about it, dad?

Want to give that doodle bug a workout? I'll go easy on ya.

Be serious, will ya? [Engine Revving]

[Engine Starts]

[Light Dings] [Tyres Screech]

[Tyres Screeching]

Did you see this thing take off? One of your showboat tricks.

I tell you, I had nothing to do with it. Hey, we were turning.

Outta sight, man. I wouldn't have believed it.

Groovy, pop. Groovy.

As long as the customer finally seems pleased, I'll just step out and find myself a taxi.

[Light Dings] Will you stop the car, please?

I'm trying! Look!

It's just like I told you. This thing's starting to act up again.

How very odd. When I was driving there was no problem whatsoever.

[Tyres Screech]

I can't seem to do anything with it!

Mr Douglas, I'm asking you nicely to pull over and let me out!

Look, I'm sorry about your date, I really am.

I didn't want you to miss your dinner engagement.

[Horn Beeping]

What's the rush, tiger? We got all night.

Goodbye, Mr Douglas.

Here, I'll help you.

I can get out, thank you.

What'll it be, chief?

Would you mind helping the lady get her car door open?

Look, I'm busy. And I ain't no mechanic.

All I do is sell food, and that ain't too good. You want somethin' or don't ya?

Help! Two hamburgers and a coffee.

Help!

Can you help me, please?

Help! I'm a prisoner! I can't get out!

We all prisoners, chickie baby.

We all locked in.

[Sighs] Mmm.

A couple of weirdos, Guinevere.

What? Wait a minute. Hold it, hold it.

Let me open the door.

Hey, knock it off, will ya, sis?

I ain't sayin' this is the classiest joint in town, but we gotta draw the line somewhere.

Come on, back in your seat.

Why don't you go up to Seabreeze Point?

Fuzz don't bother you much up there. Thanks.

I wish there were some way I could make up for those hamburgers.

Mr Douglas, please don't go on about it.

I'm sure that if I were driving none of these things would have happened.

It's all yours.

Now I think you'll see what's what.

[Engine Revs, Tyres Screech]

This is very embarrassing.

[Engine Cranks] Yes, it is.

I would have preferred knowing you a little longer first. Just a minute!

You don't think I drove you here on purpose. Don't try to explain.

The point is you brought me here. I did not bring you here!

It's this nasty little car. [Engine Cranks]

But you said yourself it's a very nice little car. And as you said, it does have some peculiar traits.

And I agree with you completely.

Bring it in tomorrow and I'll find a replacement. I don't want the car replaced.

As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to like it.

[Engine Cranks] Oh! Don't panic.

Don't panic. There must be some place I can call a taxi.

[Engine Cranks]

[Sighs]

[Engine Cranks]

Ooh! [Engine Starts]

Hey! [Tyres Squeal]

You know, for a moment I thought you weren't going to stop.

What's the matter now?

Look, this is ridiculous. Let's get back in the car, huh?

Hold it. Hold it, everybody.

Just a moment, please.

Something the matter?

Is this man bothering you? No, not exactly.

It's okay. We're together.

Is that your car? My...

Well, yes. Yes, it is.

Okay, then. Move along.

Hey, bud. Yeah?

Not too smart wandering around the park at night.

Right. I'll drive.

[Engine Starts] She'll drive.

I should have given you a citation.

You ought to have enough sense to put your brakes on... while your car is stopped!

[Water Splashes, Ducks Quack]

Well then, if everything you say about this car is true, it's already starting to happen.

What's starting to happen? Us human beings.

We had a chance to make something out of this world.

We blew it. Okay.

Another kind of civilization is gonna take a turn. Give me an 11-mil wrench.

I'm sitting up on top of this mountain, right? Right.

I'm surrounded by these gurus and swamis and monks, right? Right.

I'm lookin' at my stomach. Yeah.

I'm knockin' back a little rice wine. Um-hmm.

Got some contemplation goin'; I see things like they are.

I coulda told you all this was comin'. What's coming?

Jim, it's happening right under our noses and we can't see it.

We take machines and stuff 'em with information until they're smarter than we are.

Take a car.

Most guys spread more love and time and money... on their car in a week than they do on their wife and kids in a year.

Pretty soon, you know what?

The machine starts to think it is somebody.

I'm not saying a mechanical thing can't be a friend.

Like, when I was broke one summer, there was this giant claw machine in the Sutro Amusement Park.

It would grab cameras and watches and drop them down a hole to me.

And I would hock 'em and buy lunch. You follow me? Yeah.

I think you were up on that mountaintop too long.

Contrariwise, the traffic light down the street hates my guts.

I don't know why. But in the last six weeks...

I haven't caught anything but a stop signal.

It makes me wait six seconds longer than anybody else! I timed it!

[Chuckles] Things like that happen to lots of other people too.

But the other people don't tell no other people, because the other people would say, "Hey-ey-ey-ey."

Tennessee, that traffic light is a lot of nuts and bolts.

This little car, a lot of nuts and bolts.

Everything explains itself, one way or the other.

You're not listenin' to me. Don't lose your grip, old buddy.

This little car didn't do one thing tonight that can't be explained... in terms of short circuits, sprung doors, grabbing steering, worn knuckles, maybe some advertising gimmick.

I'll fix it.

I don't think you got the picture. I got a beautiful picture.

This baby happens to have an extra turn of speed, which is the only thing I care about.

You don't understand what happens, do you?

They make 10,000 cars. They make 'em exactly the same way.

One or two of 'em turn out to be something special.

Nobody knows why.

I know why.

I may be kiddin' myself, but I think I can make somethin' out of that sad little bucket of bolts.

Save these. They'll be famous someday.

[Whispering] I'm your friend.

[Ship Horn Blowing]

Wanna take a ride? I want to check those adjustments I made last night.

Okay. Be right with you.

[Dogs Barking] [Engine Revving]

[Barking Continues]

[Whistles] Hey! Hey, come here!

[Engine Stops] All right, get outta there. Out!

Come on. Who do you guys think you are?

Stop clownin' around, will ya?

Play it straight. Don't give him any trouble.

You could have a good home here.

What's all that racket, huh? Nothin'. Nothin'.

Oh. Hop in.

What'd I tell ya? Now it handles good.

All the bugs are gone. Herbie's all right.

Who's Herbie? This little car.

Named after my Uncle Herb.

He used to box middleweight. Preliminary, mostly.

Gradually, his nose got shaped more and more... like to remind me of this little car. [Chuckles]

Do you mind? Whatever you say, Tennessee.

Herbie. [Chuckling] [Chuckles]

[Beeps Horn]

I'll take 'em. Thank you, sir.

Now, what's that for? An oil job.

Huh? I got a small knock in my conscience.

Thanks.

[Car Approaching]

Now we get down to business.

You gonna race? What do you think?

Oh, boy! Won't Herbie love that!

Le Mans, Monte Carlo.

Thrills, glamour, the roar of the crowd!

[Cars Roaring Past]


He really does drive.

If you could give me one good reason for bringing me down... to this ridiculous desert, l...

Isn't that the scruffy little car we had in the shop?

Now we're goin'!

[Whispers] You're doin' terrific, Herbie, but don't make it look too easy.

Play it smart.

Okay, Jim! Go ahead! You're murderin' 'em!

So, who cares? I'll tell you one thing.

I certainly don't intend losing any sleep over that absurd car.

Come on. Come on!

Now, Herbie! Now! Now!

[Laughing]

[Announcer] The winner, #53: Jim Douglas, driving a Class-D Special.

Congratulations. Good race, Jim.

Thanks, Ray. Boy, was Herbie ever great today.

I was out there too. Wouldn't you say that was a fair piece of driving?

Hey, I'm not trying to take anything away from you, but you gotta admit that this little guy backed you all the way.

Yeah. It's a nice little car.

You know somethin' else?

For the first time in a long while, I felt my real self out there.

A sense of authority like the top drivers have, you know?

I kinda felt you felt that.

Tennessee, I wouldn't admit this to anybody else, but...

I was beginnin' to think I'd never be anything more than a piston-happy, lead foot punk.

Then this starts to happen.

I'm glad for you, Jim.

You know that.

Well, hello.

I see you finally learned how to handle this car. Congratulations.

Thank you. What have you done to this thing?

Oh, an adjustment here, an adjustment there.

You want to sell it back? I own most of it anyway, you know.

Still 23 payments to go.

Well, uh... I'll tell you what I'll do.

I'll take the car and give you $1,000 clear. What do you say?

No. You don't wanna do that.

It's all right, Tennessee. I know what I'm doing.

I think Mr Thorndyke is a little mixed up as to who or what won that race.

And what does that mean? Someday, I'll teach you... not to confuse the car with the driver.

I should welcome the opportunity.

Mr Thorndyke, I think that's a very good idea of yours.

What is? You're racing in the Libra Open... at Riverside at the end of the month, right? Yes.

Well, I'm sure that Mr Douglas would like to get... the remainder of his payments off his back. No doubt.

But why should I think that's a good idea?

Well, if Mr Douglas entered the race, he could bet his share of the little car against the remaining payments.

[Thorndyke] What do you say, Douglas?

The winner to become the sole owner of the car.

A moment ago, you mentioned teaching me a lesson.

Do I now detect a note of timidity?

Racing. That's the name of the game, isn't it?

Win or lose. Put up or shut up.

You got yourself a deal, Thorndyke. Splendid.

The drivers' meeting is over. Now, the third race of the afternoon... will get under way here at Riverside.

You keep your eye on your friend in the Bug, my dear.

I'm going to squash him.

[Announcer] Clear the grid, please.

I can't help feelin' yippy. If anything goes wrong, we'll lose Herbie altogether.

I thought you were the guy with all the faith in this car. Yeah, I got it. Yeah.

[Announcer] And now the starter has his flag in the air.

The engines are started, and in just a moment, we'll have the start.

All the cars looking very smart on the grid.

Drivers in the first row signifying that they're ready to race.

Their hands extended in the air. The flag is up, and there they go!

Cars stretching out now. All cars off the starting grid and through turn one.

Through the S's now.

Down the back straight, well by himself now, is the #14 car of Thorndyke... going into the sweeper turn.

The rest of the field well stretched out as they charge down the back straight.

Not yet, Herbie! Not yet!

The standings in lap 23: Thorndyke, still leading; Lesser, running second; and Erwin in third place.

Now, Herbie! Now!

[Tyres Screeching, Engine Accelerating]

Now, car #53... Douglas... starts to make a move, picking up cars as he goes by car #20.

Into the sweeper, very hard and fast.

Going through traffic, passing #23 now... is car #53... Douglas.

He has just come alive and is making a challenge in this race.

Passing cars as he goes down the back straight, car #53... Douglas... making his bid.

Into the straight now is Thorndyke, car #14.

Now the pressure's on. Douglas in #53 is starting to close on Thorndyke, #14.

Douglas has just come alive... and is pressing the leader now.

Now making his bid to pass, but he can't get by.

He's being shut off by Thorndyke in the #14 car.

[Giggling]

Douglas goes slightly off course, takes out some markers... and apparently is out of control, He crashes into the #4 shutoff marker. [Giggles]

Thorndyke continuing on as the #53 car lets this one...

Now he's making his reentry!

Look out!

Hey, nice scoring, champ. Thank you very much.

Hey, what a champ. Way to drive.

Just a moment, Mr Thorndyke. You don't have...

I demand that this thing is impounded and checked!

I tell you there's more going on here than meets the eye! [Splurting]


[Cheering, Screaming]


Muchas gracias, señor.

Gracias. A usted tambien.

¡ Ya consiguió un gorrito el pelado!

¿ Cómo está maestro? ¡ Oye se ríe!

[Chicken Clucking]


[Crowd Cheering]

[Miss Bennett] You don't look well in these pictures lately.

How could I look well? I haven't been able to sleep.

That rotten car is driving me piffy!

Has it occurred to you it may not be the rotten car?

Perhaps it's the way Mr Douglas drives. Balderdash!

There isn't a driver in the world who can get that speed out of a car like that.

No, he's done something to it, and I've got to find out what!

You've become obsessed by this whole thing.

There are other cars, other races. Why don't you just forget it?

My dear child, how little you know me.

Yes, Mr Thorndyke. Carole?

How long have you been with us? A year and a half, almost two. Why?

I'm afraid I've been a little remiss... in not telling you before now how very well you've proved in all your duties.

Well, thank you.

And, Carole, as I realize you have the best interests of this organization at heart, I want you to accede to a somewhat unusual request.

Oh? [Phone Ringing]

Peter Thorndyke.

It's for you.

All right. You can take it here.

Thank you.

Yes, good afternoon.

Oh, I think that should be quite all right.

Uh, 7:30 will be fine.

Yes. Uh, bye.

I think I'll... I'd like you to see this Douglas, get to know him.

Who knows? If he has the talents of which I believe him capable, perhaps we can give him the opportunity... of joining our organization, racing under our colours.

But first, we must know something about him. How about tonight?

Very good. At 7:30?

Very good! Why waste time?

Oh, and Carole, another thing.

Leave your car. Take the Special. He likes that one.

Uh, thank you. [Laughs]

I think I ought to tell you that that was Mr Douglas who just called.

Excellent. Strike while the iron is hot.

In all honesty, I should like to point out... that I agreed to have dinner with him before you suggested it.

I salute your honesty, my dear... a quality not necessarily to be despised.

Thank you.

A very loyal girl.

[Whistling]

Got Herbie all polished out for ya. Uh, Carole Bennett called back.

She's going to pick me up in the Special. You're not takin' Herbie?

He's looking forward to some relaxation just like you are.

The car is... [Horn Honking]

See you later, Tennessee. Some thanks after what Herbie did for you.

Don't let it get ya, Herbie. Jim didn't mean it.

Don't forget: He isn't the first guy ever to lose his head... over a bucket seat and a paint job.

He'll come to his senses. [Buzzer Buzzing]

Good evening. Sorry. The other rats are out for the evening!

No, no! Please. I didn't come by to see Mr Douglas.

I came by to pay my respects to that gallant little car. Huh?

There it is.

What a marvel it is, indeed. I don't get you, fella.

Oh, come, come, sir. I know a rare bit of machinery when I see one.

And after all, who should know it better than I?

I, who have been trounced time and again by this... this paragon.

You'll forgive me for saying so, sir, but it does take class to know when it has been defeated by class.

You know somethin', Mr Thorndyke? I may have misjudged you.

Well, thank you. I've been misjudging a lot of people lately.

Would you like a drink? Some Irish coffee?

Specialty of the house. My own mother's recipe.

That's very kind of you. I'd love it. Thank you. I'll be back in a jiffy!

That's most kind. Thank you so much.

It's just incredible, isn't it, to think that this innocent-seeming object... is, is capable of such great deeds.

[Blowtorch Hissing] How, indeed. [Chuckles]

The trick is, always remember to have asbestos gloves... when you make coffee this way.

Fascinating. Yes.

Yes. Quite... Quite fascinating.

Here we go. [Muffled Groans]

[Strained Chuckle] Oh. How very refreshing.

Oh, thank you.

Up the Irish. To the little car, a gallant adversary.

And may the best car win at Riverside. May the best car win.

Oh, that's very good, isn't it? Very good, indeed.

Like it? What do you think?

I can't stand that hungry look any longer.

[Chuckles] Take over.

You know what I said to myself the first time I saw you?

What? I said to myself, "Now, there's a real lady."

This is how it ought to be... me and these kind of wheels.

Excuse me asking, but aren't you doing all right with the little car?

Sure, but can you imagine how I'd make it with equipment like this?

Is it so important to you?

Without a real car, I'm only half a man.

What part of Ireland did you say your mother came from?

Coney Ireland. [Laughing]

I'm going to make some more coffee. [Laughing]

[Laughing Continues]


[Liquid Sloshing]

[Laughs] Oh, uh, would you like a spot of this?

I like a spot of anything. I'm so sorry.

Now, we're gonna drink to Herbie, [Laughs]

The greatest little car in the whole world. Yes. Quite right.

Mm-hmm. Hear, hear. Hear, hear. [Sniffs]

To Herbie. To Herbie. So sorry about your hand.

I do apologize. To Herbie.

What do you know? The engine stalled.

How about that? The door's stuck.

Mmm. That's how it is with cars sometimes.

Yes. I guess we'll have to wait and see what happens next.

Well, as someone very wisely once said, "That's how it is with cars sometimes."

I just said that. Oh.

I wonder if your reputation is altogether true.

What's my reputation?

Oh, I've heard that Jim Douglas is only interested in fast cars and easy money.

Not true.

Oh? Mm-hmm.

You know something else? What?

When the light hits you just right, you're as beautiful as General Grant on a $50 bill.

[Mutters] Oh, dear me.

[Panting]

You wanna know the secret of the little car?

I do, indeed.

I'll tell ya the secret of the little car. No, no, no. Just a minute.

All right. Tell me.

It's heart.

That's what it is: Heart.

Heart. Yes.

Well, I'm certainly going to make a note of that.

[Engines Revving] [Crowd Chattering]

Headache gone? All gone.

Anticipation of victory is the purest form of aspirin.

This is my day. [Announcer] Clear the grid. Clear the grid, please.

You seem very confident. You know, I believe I am.

[Announcer] They leave the starting grid, going into turn one.

The field's stretching out now.

Everybody getting through turn one very nicely.

Very fine field of cars here.

And coming through traffic now, making a move, is Peter Thorndyke in the #14 car.

Picking up a few cars in that turn.

Now he comes by and picks up three more cars, going into the lead now.

Thorndyke leading this race in car #14.

Now making a move is car #53, Douglas, who also picks up about three cars as he goes charging through traffic... and is in hot pursuit of Thorndyke in the #14 car.

As they go down the back straight, comin' on pretty hard and fast... is car #53 making the pass.

Attaway, Jimmy boy!

Go, Jimmy! [Laughing]

So far, Jim Douglas seems to have everything pretty much to himself.

He comes through the S's into turn six well in control...

[Herbie Sputtering]

[Herbie Burping]

[Burping Continues]

As they come down the back straight, Douglas is slowing down... and Thorndyke goes rocketing by into the sweeper turn.

It looks as though the Douglas car is having trouble.

Yes, #53 is fading fast.

It is developing a problem of some kind.

[Tyres Screeching]

Come in! Come in!

[Sputtering] Come in!

Irish coffee.

[Rattling, Sputtering]

[Sputtering]

[Sputtering, Rattling, Backfiring]

[Burping, Backfiring]

[Crowd Cheering]

I'll be here all night if necessary. [Laughing]

I can take any amount of this. Right. There we are.

Don't worry, little guy. You'll be home soon.

There we are. Right. Right you are.

Do you mind standing clear? They want me on my own. I'll see you in a minute.

[Onlookers Gasping, Laughing]

Poor little fella. You got a temperature.

Don't worry. Jim'll be back soon.

He never would've left if it hadn't been somethin' important.

[Engine Winds Down, Belches, Sputters]

I know. Nothing worse than an Irish coffee hangover.

[Buzzer Buzzes] That you, Jim?

Mind if I come in? Sure. Come on.

I wouldn't blame you if you threw me out.

On account of what Thorndyke did?

How can I blame anyone? Thorndyke ruined the little car right under my nose.

Where's Jim? Don't know.

He went out as soon as we got back. Didn't say a word.

Left Herbie and me flat.

Doesn't he take care of his car after a race?

Can you do something?

Like what?

Well, h-help the little car.

I'm not a mechanic, but I think it's suffering.

Suffering? Please.

Mind if I use those coveralls? Right.

Oh, uh, look. I wanna tell you so you don't have to worry.

I'm not with Peter Thorndyke any more. I don't think his way.

Oh, I know that. How do you know?

Well, Herbie wouldn't like you otherwise.

Herbie wouldn't like me?

Miss Bennett, I gotta... I gotta level with somebody.

I can't talk to Jim. It would destroy him.

You don't know what it was like before the little car came along.

Jim was defeated. It was murder. He couldn't get a job.

He got into trouble. Everybody was on his back.

Then, Herbie came into his life. Do you remember that day?

I remember.

Well, Jim started winnin' races again.

He got his self-respect back.

What am I gonna do? Tell him that it was Herbie winning those races, not him?

Uh, was it Herbie? Well, l...

You fix the little car. I'll tell ya what's goin' on.

I didn't know nothin'.

Then I went to Tibet.

I plugged into this contemplation thing.

[Idling Smoothly]

How's that sound? Like the song of a bluebird.

Well, the fuel lines are clean. The plugs are clean. Wiring checks out.

Looks like we're in pretty good shape.

Herbie and I sure appreciate it.

You don't believe a word I said about this little car, do ya?

Well, there's always a first time.

I imagine Adam thought woman... was a pretty funny piece of equipment when he met Eve.

Well, that's a start. You can't believe it all right away. It takes time.


Hello there. Hi. What's this?

You ever see anything so beautiful? Very nice.

What's the big idea? You already got a car.

Not after what happened today, I don't. Aw, shut up.

You want Herbie to hear you? Don't start that again, Tennessee.

Look, the El Dorado is coming up.

There are real cars lined up in there. I need something that can cut it.

Herbie's cut it so far, hasn't he? Of course he has!

Now hold it, you two. I've done great with this little car so far, thanks to a few changes I made, and if you don't mind, some pretty fair country drivin'.

But... I gotta stop kiddin' myself.

I need a big, strong car. Now I got it.

Don't pay any attention. Don't even look at it.

[Phone Ringing] [Door Closing]

[Ringing] Hello.

Peter Thorndyke here.

Well, well.

Yeah, I know what you did to my car. You need your brains kicked out.

Oh, you can imagine how I must feel.

You see, I'm simply not responsible when I've been drinking. You know how it is.

Forget it, and goodbye. Wait, wait, wait, wait!

I understand from a friend of mine that you purchased a new Lamborghini today.

So? I'm also informed that you owe a great deal of money on it.

Now, myself, for sentimental reasons, I like the little car, and I am perfectly willing to increase my previous offer... and give you $1,500 for it.

Now. Immediately. I'm in the vicinity.

Thorndyke, I don't like you, but I can use your money.

You got yourself a deal. Come and get it.

What do you mean, "A deal"? I'm selling the little car.

You're what? Don't make a fuss.

I need the money.

You crumb! You can't do that to Herbie!

Carole, will you tell him how it is out in the real world?

Me? Huh! Well!

Near as I can figure it, I'm not too smart either.

I get rid of one heel just in time to find another.

Well, now, what happened to you? I thought you'd be on my side.

Not when you do something like this to Herbie.

Has everybody gone nuts around here?

I can understand how Tennessee feels. He's just in off a flying saucer.

But you... I thought you made sense.

Something tells me it's very, very wrong to sell that little car.

Thank you for your opinion, but what am I supposed to do? I need the money.

Tennessee, if I don't sell the car... Don't talk to me.

[Sighs] I'm s... I'm sorry. I shouldn't have butted in.

Yeah, you're absolutely right.

As a matter of fact, I don't know... What are you doing here?

I wish I knew. I really wish I knew!

If I weren't so young and innocent, a certain thought might enter my mind.

Such as? Such as you went out with me last night... so that Thorndyke could get a shot at the little car.

Is that what you think?

Got to admit, it's tempting. Okay.

Okay. You wanna know what I was doing here?

Well, I felt sorry about what happened today.

So I quit Thorndyke and came over here like a full-grown idiot... to find out if I could make up for it.

Isn't that "Dial a beautiful thought for the day"? Very touching. Makes me glow.

I think it's about time someone told you what the score is.

Tennessee's too tenderhearted.

You really think it was you winning those races?

Yes, I think it was me winning... What do you mean it wasn't me winning those races?

Pardon me. You want me to tell you something, my windbag friend?

I admit, I didn't believe it when Tennessee told me before, but now I see it makes all kinds of sense.

W-W-What? That thimble head of yours has gotten all swelled up.

[Crashing] You're not winning any of those races.

You couldn't win a game of marbles from a 12-toed myopic rhinoceros!

Will you knock it off out there, Tennessee? Can't hear myself think.

I'm not out there, crumb. I'm here.

[Crashing] Well, hold it down. I'll...

Well, then what's this noise?

No!

Stop it! Stop it! You don't know what you're doin'!

Look! Look what it did to my car.

Okay, maybe it was a little jealous. Of course it's jealous.

It's always been jealous because I get credit for winning those races!

[Crashing Stops]

Go on. Realize what you're sayin'?

[Shovel Clatters On Pavement]

At a time like this, whatever kind of time it is, I always say that money serves to ease the pain.

Good evening, my dear. Here you are, sir.

Fifteen hundred dollars for the small car, just as I promised.

I note it's not in mint condition, but I am nothing if not always a man of my word.

[Thorndyke Chuckles]

Uh, uh, 2,000. What about 2,000?

It's the least I can do to help a fellow human at a time like this.

Shall we consider it a deal?

Two thousand dollars? Yes.

Two thousand dollars for that little beat-up car? Why?

Well, you could say I have a warm place in my heart for the dear little thing.

You don't have a warm place on your whole body. What do you want it for?

You don't want it; I do. Take the money.

You... You too! Now, look, Douglas, there's no need to be abusive.

I'm trying to give you some money! I don't want your money!

What do you want the car for? [Stammering]

You believe it. You believe it too!

Believe what? Jim, it don't matter whether you believe Herbie or not.

Herbie don't believe in you no more.

Huh?

Where'd he go? Where is he?

Took off. What do you expect?

Well, come on. Let's find him. This is a private thing between the two of you.

Good luck.

Herbie? Herbie!

[Chuckles, Scoffs]

A rum lot you've taken up with, my dear.

You'd better find that car before I do, my friend.

Operator. Mobile KQX-2942.

I want 567-3998.

Havershaw, I shall require the personnel... of both our day and night shifts.

We have a small task to perform.

Herbie?

Herbie!


That's it.

Herbie!

[Horn Beeping]

[Melancholy Beeping]

[Beeping]

[Beep]

Excuse me.

Havershaw, tear it apart! All right, boys.

You heard Mr Thorndyke. [Claps Hands] Tear it apart.

[Thorndyke] I'm gonna find out what makes it tick!

[Engine Revving, Tyres Screeching]

After it! After it!

Go on! Grab the brute!

Hang on to it, you fools! Hang on!

[Tyres Screeching]


Herbie! [Engine Revving]

[Horn Beeping]

[Beeping] [Shouting In Chinese]

[Speaking Chinese]

Give me police station.

Hello, police station?


[Horn Beeping]

Herbie?

[Horn Beeping]

Hey, you...

Did a little car come by here? Yeah, just did, without payin' the...

[Engine Revving]

No, Herbie, don't!

[Engine Revving]

Herbie!

Herb, back up! Herbie!

Come on, baby. It's gonna be a beautiful day tomorrow.

Aaah!

[Ship's Horn Blowing]

Herbie, give me some help.

Herb?

I can't hang on much longer.

[Siren Wailing]

[Sighs] Boy, was he lucky. This little car saved his life.

What do you mean, the car saved his life?

That's what it looked like for a moment there. L...

[Chuckles] You know how funny things can look i-in the fog sometimes.

I think you've been up on that Haight-Ashbury beat too long. [Foghorn Bellowing]

[Shouting In Chinese]

[Weak Honking]

[Speaking Chinese]

[Weak Honking] [Speaking Chinese]

Swing that light over here.

[Speaking Chinese]

[Muffled Honking]

[Beeping]

Aha!

What's that thing? It's a dried squid, Sergeant.

Hmm.

Here's the damages. Can you pay it?

I'm sorry. I have no money. Then your car will be impounded.

My guess is the judge will order you to sell it at auction and the proceeds given to Mr Wu.

Wait a minute. May I speak to the gentleman, please?

I spent some time up on a Chinese-type mountain... teachin' English to some of 'em.

You taught English?

Let's don't get personal.

It's a matter of talkin' their language.

You have a little feel for tradition and some courtesy, you'd be surprised.

You can unscrew the "unscrutable."

Go ahead.

[Speaking Chinese]

[Speaking Chinese]

[Speaks Chinese]

[Chinese]

[Chinese] Ah. Ah, ah, ah.

[Tennessee Speaking Chinese]

[Chinese Continues]

[Chinese]

[Chinese]

[Chinese]

[Speaking Chinese] [Speaking Chinese] Herbie-la!

Herbie? Herbie!

Ho! Ho!

Things are shapin' up. He's a car buff. Good, good.

[Chinese]

Wow. What's the matter?

We just got a new problem.

He likes the car so much he wants to keep it.

Okay, the car is his, but he has to let me drive it in the El Dorado.

If I win, tell him he gets to keep the prize money, but he has to sell Herbie back to me for a dollar.

Now you speak my language.

[Laughing]

[Man Over P.A.] Attention: Drivers and owners report to Mr Granatelli... at the president's headquarters.

Further, you must remain on the secondary roads which have been posted for this race.

Other than that, we've tried to reduce the rules to a minimum.

Instead of all this technical namby-pamby there's so much of today, we're putting the emphasis on speed, endurance and courage, the way it used to be.

As you know, this is open formula racing. Anything goes.

Any style of car and crew you wish.

The object, gentlemen, is to win. I wish you all the very best of luck.

Mr Wu? I understand that you are the new owner of the Douglas car.

As I too am interested in the vehicle, I took the liberty of looking you up.

Thank you. You will therefore forgive me, sir, when I say... that you are perhaps not quite as naive as you look.

In point of fact, you are a very shrewd operator, one who has managed to acquire, by one means or another... legitimate means, of course... a number of varied enterprises.

It is truly written: One cannot lose 'em all.

In the light of this, would you entertain a sizable wager... on the outcome of the race?

Wager? The goddess of fortune will always find me her most ardent suitor.

Splendid. Splendid. Shall we step in here? A little more private.

You're Mr Thorndyke. I've always wanted to meet you.

You've heard of me? How charming!

Are you not the gentleman who originated the idea of small print... on bottom of automobile sales contract?

[Giggles] The very same.

A most worthy adversary. You are most kind.

And now, sir, the terms of our wager?

What would you like?

What have you got? [Giggles]

[Clears Throat]

Okay, let's mount up. How's our little friend?

I hope it holds together. Holds together?

It was so beat up, I had to cut the frame to straighten it out.

Excuse me.

[Giggling] Is this the morning bus to Fresno?

Thorndyke, this little car goes so fast, we need three people inside to hold it on the ground.

Well, you certainly picked the right crew. Toodle-oo.

Break a leg, Thorndyke.

Havershaw. I trust you've not been wasting your time.

Spent a few useful moments with the small car? Yes, sir.

Based, then, on what you now know, what would you say are the chances of victory for the Douglas car?

I would say that they range from slight to impossible.

Havershaw, you are a rat after my own heart.

Thank you, sir.

Gentlemen, start your engines.

[Engine Revving]

[Loud Revving]

[Weak Revving]

[Engines Revving]

[Tyres Squealing]


You're giving it a nice ride.

Okay to uncurl my toes now? We past everybody?

Everyone but Thorndyke. Let's go to work.

They're coming up on us, sir.

Well, we're not too concerned, are we?

Now, Havershaw, aren't we coming to that rather dangerous oily spot in the road?

Coming right up, sir.


Come on! Push! Push, you worm!

[Engine Revving]

Jim, that's water!

Here we go!

Mr Thorndyke, that isn't me!

Give me something to wipe my goggles.

Havershaw, you ever think of having a manicure?

There they are.

Now watch me blow them off the road.

[Horn Honking]

Who's the guy in the fur coat?

[Crunching]

This is no time for eating, you fool!

Where are we? How far is Chinese Camp?

What's the matter with you? Don't you even know how to open a map?

[Low Growling]

[Snarling] [Screaming]

[Tyres Screeching]

[Bear Whimpering]

[Bear Shrieking]

[Sighing]

[Growling]

[Snarling] [Screaming]

At the moment, the leaders of the race are approaching... the historic mining towns of the mother lode.

In first position, as he moves past checkpoint three, is Jim Douglas.

Peter Thorndyke in the Special has regained his relief driver... and is rapidly making up lost ground as the two Pacemakers... near the famous old mining community of Chinese Camp.

[Backfiring]

Now what? I don't know. We can't be out of gas so soon.

Here. Wait a minute.

I got a suspicion. What's the matter?

Just as I thought. Water. They did it again.

[Engine Roaring, Horn Honks]

Now what do we do? Give me the map.

All right. It looks like Chinese Camp's about three miles from here.

Now, if we come down the... Hey.

What goes?

No sweat, man. This is Uncle Wu's car.

You don't think he'd let anyone put it down, do ya?

E-Easy, fellas.

The Jim Douglas car appears to have run into trouble.

There has been no sign of him past checkpoint nine.

Peter Thorndyke is refuelling at Chinese Camp.

[Bell Dings]

Come on! Come on, will you! I'm in a hurry!

Sure thing. I tell Father.

[Speaking Chinese]

My father say, "Hurry is waste.

Waste is cracked bowl which never know rice."

I don't care how cracked your father's rice bowl is! What I want...

[Bell Dinging Rapidly]

Hey! Some of you people get over here right away!

Okay, you're on your way.

[All Cheering] I'm getting out of here.

[Engine Starts] Not full. Can't go yet.

Well, just you watch me. [Tyres Screech]

[Gas Dribbling]

As we come to the midway point in the first day's racing, Peter Thorndyke, after a delay at Chinese Camp, is beginning to catch up with the rest of the field.

[Horn Blares]

[Laughing] That knocked him off the Christmas tree, sir.

[Tyres Screech]

This is our kind of terrain from here on out. All downhill.


How true it is that the best ways are the simplest ways after all.

That's what I always say, sir... Oh, shut up!

[Engine Idling]

[Engine Revs, Tyres Squeal]

[Tyres Screech]

We should be coming soon to what is either a rail tunnel or a bridge.

Oh, here's a tunnel. That must be it.


[Tennessee] What are you doin'? It's an elevator.

But Herbie doesn't fit.

Everybody out.

No sign of them.

You may open the wine now, Havershaw.

It's chilled the way you like it, sir.

[Jim] All right, give me a hand. All together now.

To you, sir. My unbounded admiration.

Thank you.

Mmm! You know something about champagne, sir?

Havershaw, if you tell me that the bubbles tickle your nose, I shall probably kill you!

[Chokes]

Get rid of that slop!

[Engine Starts, Tyres Squeal]

Shouldn't that wheel have come off by now?

It's long overdue, sir. I'm terribly embarrassed by the delay.

I don't know what could... Stop whimpering!

I'll just give them a friendly nudge.

[Screeching]

Hey, where'd that wheel come from?

[Metal Scraping]

[Tyres Screeching]

Hold it!

Don't do anything sudden.

Is it all right if I just cry real soft?

Carole, put your feet back here on the bumper.

Come on. Now give me your hand.

Just let go. Let go. Give me your hand.

I'm trying, but my mind don't get the message. Come on. Come on.

Now come right over the top.

Atta boy.

All right. Let's get the spare wheel on and get Herbie back on the road.

Thorndyke again. He made a pizza out of it.

[Announcer] And now, here in Virginia City, the terminal point for the first day of the El Dorado, we're all looking down the road from the west.

And actually at any moment now, we should be seeing the car... that will complete the first half of the El Dorado, the run for the gold.

Up in the judges stand the judges and the timers are ready.

[Engine Roaring] Just a moment. The first car is coming in sight right now.

He is really flying down the road. And there he goes by us.

[All Cheering]

[Metal Scraping]

You making it all right, Tennessee?

Ohh!

Aah! Aah! Aah! Aah!

[Tennessee Screams] Whoa!

Stop, Jim, will you!

[Tennessee Screams] Now, don't anybody breathe.

Ready?

[Thumping Sound]

[Metal Scraping]

Aaah!


Actually, at this hour only one car is unaccounted for.

There's been absolutely no word of the Douglas Special, which figured so very prominently in the early stages of the race today.

Well, I see the judges are closing down for the night, and, by golly, so are we.

But we'll return to the El Dorado at 7:30 tomorrow morning... to bring you the start of the second and the final lap back to Yosemite Valley.

Good night, everyone.

[Rattling]

[Blowtorch Hissing]

A little bird's nest soup never hurt anyone.

Thank you.

Oh, thanks. I hope this holds together.

I'm puttin' welds on top of welds.

[Engine Cranking]

[Cranking Continues]

[Engine Stops]

[Sighs]

Mr Wu, the wiring is mostly all burned off.

The cylinder walls are scored; the carburettor's a mess; the body's sprung.

This little car ripped itself to pieces trying to get us here.

It gave us everything it's got.

Now, maybe we can patch it back together. I don't know.

But how can I send it back into that rat race tomorrow?

It's got nothing left to give.

It's your car. What do you say?

[Sighs]

A wise man once said, "When you come to last page, close the book."


You let that little car get under your skin, didn't you?

I don't know.

There's a lot of gloop been written about, uh, the bond between a man and his automobile and... how he hates it sometimes, mostly how he loves it.

He showers gifts on it... in the way of accessories and all that.

He gets hysterical if somebody scratches the paint or... makes it lose face on the freeway.

Maybe some of those feelings got into the machinery. I don't know.

Tennessee thinks so.

Don't you?

There is something real about that little car, something that doesn't even have a name.

What I don't understand is, out of the millions of people in the world, why it picked a dogeared second-rater like me.

You stood up for it once.

I guess it thought you were... worth belonging to.

I understand that.

[Car Approaching]

Ah, Douglas. Didn't mean to disturb you.

We'll just take the car and go. What are you talking about?

I understand that you are out of the race.

What does that have to do with you?

Speaking as the new owner of the car, I'd regard your question as impertinent.

I'm going to hoist it up and drag it out. Hold it!

Who said you were the new owner of the car?

Perhaps Mr Wu would like to explain how he wagered the car... on the outcome of the race.

Even as you, I believed in the car; I thought it would win.

More honestly, I could not resist the odds.

Thank you.

Good sir, would you say that this is a compact car?

You do not answer.

Well, let me tell you that you have never seen a compact car... until you see what I'm going to do with this.

Mr Douglas, I have a friend with a claw-and-hook... auto wrecking company in San Francisco, and he's going to work on your car.

Maybe he'll transform it into a birdbath.

Or what about a nice doormat so I can wipe my feet on it every day?

It's too bad this thing doesn't have the gumption... to get up to the starting line this morning.

I should have enjoyed beating it.

Ohh! Why, you!

Take your hand... Get your hand off...

[Engine Starts]

[Jim Grunts]

[Engine Revving]

[Yells] [Turkey Gobbling]

Stop! Herbie, stop!

[Panting] Hey, you know something?

Small car very angry.

And very strong.

The strength of 40 horses.

What do you think about that race coming up?

You know, I think now... is chance to remove egg foo yung off of face.

Well, this morning, the second and the final lap of the El Dorado.

From Virginia City to Yosemite, the run for the gold.

Out there we see in first position and all ready to go...

Peter Thorndyke in his Thorndyke Special.

[Engine Revving]

[Rattling, Revving]

Hey!

These mechanics have done a real fine job in keying these engines up.

Come on, baby. Come on. Save it for the race.

One more foul-up like this, Douglas, you're disqualified.

It seemed to be trying to get at us, sir.

Of course it was, Havershaw! There's no use trying to blink the fact.

It's either us or it this time.

[Crowd Shouting, Chattering]

We're now getting reports from our checkpoint number 14.

This one tells us that the Thorndyke car... is still holding first position at this time.

And while here in Virginia City, we're preparing to dispatch the last of our contestants.

That would be the Jim Douglas Special.

Hang tight. This may be a fast takeoff.

[Engine Revving]

Now.


Good stuff, Herb. No more shortcuts like that last one.

Oh, this won't be anything like that last one.

[Tyres Squealing]


Thorndyke.

Nice going, Herbie. We've almost got him.

Hooray.

What fool laid out these streets? But you're driving superbly.

Hey, you got something against driving on the streets?

Any sign of them? Not a glimmer, sir.

Very well, then. Now I've finished being Generous George.

He's moving up.

There are times like this... when I really don't like myself very much.

What happened to it?

I'd say it's gone for that last big lube job up yonder.

[Engine Revving]

Ohh! Ohh!

[Revving Continues] Ohh!


Here it comes again, sir.

Havershaw, I am not a cowardly man, but I am beginning to sense that that thing is out to get me.

Now, now. None of that, sir. We're not losing our nerve, are we?

Blast you, Havershaw! How dare you patronize me.

I am not losing my nerve!

No, sir. No, sir. Of course not, sir. No, no.

[Rattling Sound]

I think Herbie did something to himself that last fall.

What do you mean?

Well... like maybe he won't hang together much longer.

[Rattling Continues]

[Tyres Screeching]

[Yells]

What happened to Thorndyke? I don't know.

It was like he disappeared.

[Muffled Shouting, Banging]

Do you hear something? It sounds like one of the cylinders.

That's impossible. The cylinders are in the back.

That's a point I find puzzling.

Get me out of here!

Oh, my... Get that side!

Goodness. Oh.

Here. Turn him around.

Okay, on your way.

Let's go!

Havershaw!

The leaders have now passed the final checkpoint.

We're now moving outside, and we should be seeing them at the finish line in a few minutes.

The word is, the Douglas car is in the lead, but the Thorndyke car is moving up.

[Metal Clanking]

[Rattling]

Uh-oh.

I think we got a problem.

Carole, turn around.

Grab hold of that strap and pull.

[Hissing]

[Groans] You okay?

Fine... Look! [Rattling]

There's another one.

I got it!

What goes on? Just keep drivin'!

Try not to think about what I'm doing!

Well, that's that. What's... Aah! [Rip]

I can't weld that!

Give me your hand!

What are we gonna do, jump?

No! Pull! Pull?

Whoa!

Whoa! Jim! Help!

I think you better stop before someone gets hurt.

No dice. Herbie doesn't want to stop.

There it is.

I'll bomb the thing off the road once and for all!

[Horn Blaring]

[Blaring]

[Horn Blaring]

Rotten sportsmanship, if you ask me.

Here at the finish, we're still waiting for our first glimpse of the leaders.

Yes. Yes, there they are!

The Thorndyke car now seems to have a slight edge on the Douglas car, which is hanging right in there.

You have him now, sir. Don't falter.

I'm not going to falter, you dimwit.

[Cracking Sound]

Good-o, sir. Good-o. You can't lose.

You can't possibly lo...

[Cheering]

W-We won! [Gasps] We won!

Oh!

The little car takes first... and third place.

Aaah!

[Crash]

[All Laughing]

[Tennessee Yelling]

[All Chattering]

[Photographers Shouting, Crowd Cheering]

Do what? Kiss? You better believe it. Come here.

[Photographers Chattering] [Camera Shutters Clicking]

"Couldn't lose," I think you said.

I don't like to remind you, sir, but if only you'd read the terms... of that stupid wager you made with Mr Wu...

Havershaw, you're despicable.

[Laughing]

Havershaw, I shan't pretend that I don't know what you're thinking.

However, I pride myself on being a good judge of character.

And when I ask myself, "Could this man be capable of such an act of pettiness and... base ingratitude..."

I accept that as your answer.

[Laughs, Shrieks]

Thanks, Herbie. So long, Mr Wu. Goodbye.

Goodbye, Mr Wu. Bye, Tennessee.

So long, Jim.

It's none of my business, but where are you going on your honeymoon?

We don't know. Herb hasn't told us yet.

[Door Closes] Let's go, Herb.

Goodbye, Herbie.