The Love Witch (2016) Script

I'm starting a new life.

Up here where it's quiet and clean among the Redwoods.

And almost no one knows me.

Poor Jerry.

I had a nervous breakdown after he left me.

They say I'm cured now.

But I still have intrusive thoughts.

My therapist told me that I'm not unusual at all.

People are abused all over the world...

...every day.

Much worse than me...

...and they do fine.

Your tail light's out, miss.

Thank you for letting me know.

Are you gonna write me a ticket?

I'll let you go this time, but make sure you get it fixed.

Thank you, officer.

You drive safely.

When Jerry left me...

...I devoured everything I could about how to get your man back.

According to the experts, men are very fragile.

They can get crushed down if you assert yourself in any way.

You have to be very tricky.

Elaine? Hi, I'm Trish.

Hi, Trish, it's nice to meet you. You're so pretty.

I didn't mean anything. I'm married and everything.

No, I didn't think anything.

Well, let me help you with your bags.

Is this all you've got? For now.

My art supplies are being shipped over later.

So you're an artist? Yes, I am.

I'm an interior decorator. Really?


That's how I met Barbara. I decorated this apartment.

It was lucky I still had the keys.

Barbara didn't exactly know when she'd be back.

How do you know Barbara?

We used to dance together in San Francisco.


Well, I hope you like the apartment.

It's a bit garish but Barbara wanted it that way.

She had me take all of the colors from the Thoth Tarot deck...

...and she and her students did a bunch of occult paintings for me to hang.

She's into all that Wicca stuff.

Well, this is it.

Trish, I love it.

It's just beautiful. Really?

I'm so glad. I thought I may have overdone it.

No, it's exactly my taste.

You must be exhausted. I'm sure you want to lie down.

Actually, I was thinking about getting a bite to eat. Do you know of a place around here?

There's the Victorian Tea Room.

We could go together, if you don't mind the company.

How fantastic. Where can I freshen up?

The bedroom is through there. I'll only be a moment.

What a lovely room.

Yes, isn't it? I love Victoriana.

Being here is like being a princess in a fairy tale.

Do you have fairy princess fantasies, Elaine?

Of course. We may be grown women, but underneath we're just little girls...

...dreaming about being carried off by a prince on a white horse.

Yes, I suppose so. It's ridiculous, isn't it?

I don't think I've found my prince charming yet...

...but I think I found the formula.

You know, I've been studying parapsychology and I understand men... much better than I used to.

If only I would have known before what I know now.

Then Jerry would have never left me.

Who's Jerry? My ex-husband.

The day he left me was the day that I died.

But then I was reborn as a witch.

Barbara and Dan brought me back to life.

They taught me everything I know about magic and about men.

Men are like children.

They're very easy to please... long as we give them what they want.

I dreamed of a fairy lady in a strange land She captured the hearts of all the boys and men

She wore a gown of pink and purple roses

Where were we?

Men, you said we need to give them what they want.

Well, what do men want?

Just a pretty woman to love and to take care of them...

...and to make them feel like a man...

...and to give them total freedom in whatever they wanna do or be.

But what about what we want?

How are we going to be equals with men if we keep catering to all of their needs?

I think that if you want love, you have to give love.

Giving men sex is a way of unlocking their love potential.

You sound as if you'd been brainwashed by the patriarchy.

Your whole self-worth is wrapped up in pleasing a man.

I'll admit, I used sex to get this...

...but I'm not proud of it.

A whole world doesn't revolve around a man's needs.

If I gave Richard sex every time he wanted it, I'd be a wreck.

Poor Richard.

He loves you and he wants you and you torture him.

You have to give a man his fantasy.

His fantasy?

Yes, his fantasy.

But what I'm really interested in... love.

You might say I'm addicted to love.

I wonder if all women feel that way?

Well, it depends on what you mean by love.

A husband isn't a prince, Elaine, and life isn't a fairy tale.

We have to face that fact. Why?

Maybe life could be a fairy tale if you pleased your husband more.

I don't need to please Richard. Richard loves me for myself.

Of course. Maybe you did find your prince charming.

Perhaps I did.

Guess who. Richard. What are you doing here?

This tea room is for ladies only.

I went to visit you at work and Julie said you were here.

I thought we could have lunch together.

Well, that's very sweet, but I've already had my lunch.

Richard, this is Elaine. Elaine, this is my husband, Richard.

I've heard so much about you, Richard.

Nothing too horrible, I hope.

On the contrary.



...send me a beautiful, sweet man... love me as I love him.

To love me, love me... me... me... me... me... me... me... me...

Hi, are you Wendy? Yes, what can I do for you?

I'm Elaine. We spoke on the phone.

I make natural soaps and candles and things.

Elaine, right. Thanks for coming by.

Mind if I have a look? Please do.

These are nice.

Really nice.

I think these will do well in the store.

Then you'll take them?

Let's start with these and see how they do.

If these sell in the next week or two, I'll order more. Sound good?

Yes, fantastic. Thank you, Wendy.

Sure, Elaine. Bright blessings.

People always ask me why I'm a witch.

I tell them it's because I wanna have magical powers.

But it's not like it sounds.

All it is is using your will to get what you want.



It's a beautiful day. Yes, it is.

I love to be out in nature on days like this.

You like nature? Very much.

You seem like a nature type too.

I'll bet you like to spend time in the woods.

That's right. How'd you know?

I can just tell. Nature is where your heart is.

City and people can get to be too much for you.

That is a lot to get from someone in a few seconds.

I'm talented that way.

Well, you're right about the city.

In fact, I have a house out in the woods about an hour from here.

I like to go there whenever I can to, you know...

...just think and read.

Do you take your wife up there?


I'm not married.

Well, you might at least take a girl up there once in a while.

I do. I do, once in a while.

You wanna take a girl up there now?

What do you mean?

Well, I'm new in town and I haven't seen much of the nature around here.

I'll make you a nice dinner.

Yes. Yes, okay, sure.

My car is right over there.


Let's go.

You know what I'd like to do right now?

I'd like to make love right here in the car just like we were kids.

Wait, wait.

You want some?

What is it?

Something I made.

That is... that is strong.

Finish it.

No, Wayne, Wayne, stop.

Not here. Let's go inside.

This is beautiful.

I'll start the dinner.

This looks delicious.

To nature.

This is really nice, isn't it?

I like to come up here a lot at the end of the semester to unwind.

Are you a teacher? Yeah, I teach at the university.

What do you teach?

English and French literature with a focus on the 18th century.

So, you must be quite a libertine.

A libertine?

Why would you say that? You know.

All of the dangerous liaisons, Benny Hill stuff.

Not to mention Casanova.

Well, there were a lot of books written in the 18th century.

Well, is it true?

Are you a libertine?

Yes, I am.

I love women. Does that bother you?

On the contrary.

I feel strange...


What was in that drink you gave me?

Organic berries, vodka, hallucinogenic herbs.

Hallucinogenic herbs?

Oh, baby. You are really wild.

Would you mind if I made myself more comfortable?

Not at all.

What the hell?

Your coat.

It's so bright.

I always line my clothing.

You have two selves.

Dark and quiet that you show the world.

Who do you give that to?

The rainbow?

I give the rainbow to you.

Right now.

Oh, God.

Oh, Elaine.

Look at you.

You can make love to me now.

What is it, Wayne?

What is it, baby?

Elaine, I feel so strange.

It's all right, you're with me.


No woman has ever given herself like that to me before.

Life has been tough?

Yeah, in a way.

You're not like any other woman I've met.

No games, no agendas.

You just seem to take life as it is.

Is there any other way to take life?

Well, the women I've been with...

...they all want you to make a bunch of promises to 'em as soon as you sleep with 'em.

But how can you commit to someone that you don't even know? It's crazy.

I know, baby.

I know.

I never thought I wanted to be tied down to anybody.

But it's just 'cause no one was ever quite right.

All the women that I'm attracted to physically...

...they're never bright enough.

And all the bright ones are homely and don't arouse me.

That seems like quite a problem.

It is.

I feel my whole life as a loner...

...thinkin' I didn't need anybody.

But now I'm not so sure.


I have never felt real love like this before.

You're just having a lot of emotions right now.

Elaine, I'm scared.

I'm not used to feeling things so strongly.

I can't take it, I can't take it.


I'm sick.

I'm sick.

It's all right.

I've got you. I love you.

And I'll always be here for you.

Try to get some sleep.


Elaine, where are you?

Elaine, where are you?

What a pussy. What a baby.

I thought I'd found a real man, but he's just like a little girl.


No one was ever there for me when I was crying my heart out.

No one ever comforted me.

No one.

Good morning, Wayne.

Hi, Elaine.

Here, drink this.

I had such horrible dreams last night.

What did you dream about, baby.

I dreamt that I was calling your name and you didn't answer.

I kept calling and calling, but I couldn't find you.

Elaine... love me, don't you?

Of course, I love you.


God, Elaine.

Are you hungry?

I don't know what I am.

Well, try to get some sleep.


Don't leave me. I'm not going anywhere, baby.

I'll be right here.

Wayne, wake up. It's late.


Wayne, baby, wake up.

Wake up.


Tampons aren't gross.

Women bleed and that's a beautiful thing.

Do you know that most men have ever even seen a used tampon?

Part of me can be with Wayne now.


I don't really mind death.

I've buried people before.

People I really cared about.

In the end we're all just compost anyway.

Everything regenerates.

I'd like to come back as a cat.

I've been so depressed since my cat died.

His name was Greymalkin, but he was black and white.

He was my best friend.

I give the rainbow to you.

Right now.

Just a minute.

Hi, Trish. Come on in.

Hey, Elaine. You look gorgeous. I love what you've done with your hair.

Thank you.

What's up, honey? Well, I haven't been able to reach you... I thought I'd come over to see if everything was all right.

I'm fine. Really.

Can I offer you something? I just made some tea and cake.

Just tea, thank you.

Cream and sugar? No, I'm fine, thank you.

So, what have you been so busy with?

A man, I hope. Yes, it was a man.

But it didn't work out.

I'm sorry. Yes.

It's a shame and I really liked him.

I thought that he was the one. Well, maybe next time.

Are you sure you won't have some cake?

No, thank you.

I just came over to check up on you and to say goodbye.

Goodbye? Why, where are you going?

Just to Dallas for a furniture convention.

Is Richard going with you? No, it's just a business trip.

Richard will have to fend for himself for awhile.

Sam, give me two whiskeys on the rocks.

Sure thing, Jane.

You see the papers today? No, why?

They found a body in the Eel River. A murder?


They found a symbol carved in his chest.


It's a pentagram. It's them witches again.

That's what I was thinking too, Lyle.

So, yeah, Barbara, that's everything.

After Jerry died, the cops wouldn't stop harassing me.

They couldn't prove anything. They actually thought that I killed him.

Can you believe it?


...San Francisco got to be a really bad trip after you left.

That's when I remembered you had that extra apartment.

Well, it was perfect timing. I'm just sorry I wasn't here to greet you.

That's all right. Trish has been lovely.

And I've been getting a lot of artwork done.

But I had this experience last weekend that really... shook me up.

Why, what happened?

Well, I met this great-looking guy.

And I used love magic on him.

Then he got really weird on me.

All these emotions started flowing out of him.

Then he got really...


Well, guys can't handle their emotions too well.

That's why they don't like heavy conversations.

It was probably just too much for him.

All the love and the great sex that you were giving him.

I guess that's what it was.

But I don't know.

Honey, you have to be more careful.

Maybe you shouldn't be messing with love spells in the first place, you know.

Merry meet, Elaine.

Bright blessings, Gahan.

I heard you discussing love spells.

You do have to be careful, Elaine.

Love spells never work the way you think they will.

But on a lighter note, it's wonderful to see you, Elaine.

What's it been now, a year?

We must celebrate this reunion of dear friends.

Thank you Goddess everywhere for the blessings that we share.

Blessed be, Variah.

Go home, witches.

Go home.

Just ignore them. They're always giving us trouble.

I didn't know this town was hostile to witches.

Well, it's certainly not San Francisco. But it's not bad for a small town.

Not all of them embrace our methods of practicing witchcraft.

But I don't see why we ought to be so uptight now.

Back in the day, we all made love freely...

...and put up Baphomet posters and no one was dogmatic...

...about whether they were a witch or a Satanist or Thelemites...

...or a druid or a Wiccan or whatever.

And it was fun.

But our classes and circles have been very popular.

What have you been teaching? Let's see...

...I've got a new class on sigil magic...

...and Barbara's got a new class on organite alchemy.

Otherwise, we're still teaching the staples... grounding, earth-based spirituality, pagan arts and crafts...

...candle work, the spellcraft master class, ancient mysticism...

...herbs and spices, and sex magic, of course.

Are you still teaching that? Yes.

In fact, we've invited some girls here tonight...

...for a seminar about the power of sexual dancing.

Dancing is such a powerful thing for women and girls.

Are you still dancing?

Yeah, some of us dance here on amateur night. You should come.

Hi, Barbara. Hi, Gahan. Sorry we're late.

Hello, lovely ladies, please have a seat.

Elaine, this is Star and her sister Moon.

They're our students for tonight. Girls, this is our dear friend Elaine.

Hi. Hi.

I was just pointing out that dancing is a powerful thing for women and girls.

We asked you to meet us here tonight so you could learn about that.

Do you see how powerful that girl is?

These men would do anything for her.

Wouldn't you like to have that power yourselves?

Then let us begin.

All witches need to figure out where their power lies.

And we feel that a woman's greatest power lies in her sexuality.

We don't view this power as satanic or anti-feminist...

...but as a celebration of woman as a natural creature.

An earthly body, a spiritual essence, and a womb.

The whole history of witchcraft is interwoven...

...with the fear of female sexuality.

They burned us at the stake...

...because they feared the erotic feelings we illicited in them.

Later, they used marriage to hold us in bondage...

...and made us into servants, whores, and fantasy dolls.

Never asking us what we wanted.

They teach us...

...that a normative human being is a hyper-rationalist, stoic male...

...and that women's emotions and intuitions...

...are illnesses that need to be cured.

And they believe that men and women are different...

...and that true equality lies in that difference.

We strive for male/female polarity...

...and to regain our primal power as goddesses.

We need to teach men how to love us using ways they can understand.

So Goddesses, use perfume...

...wear high heels and makeup...

...learn to dress your hair in attractive ways...

...display flesh artfully, and know what to conceal.

Be a mother and a lover.

Stand your ground...

...but always let the man feel like a man.

Use sex magic to destroy his fear of you...

...and to open his heart to the floodgates of love.

Only then will he begin to see you as a human being...

...with all of your inner beauty.

Then, when his heart is open to love... may do with him what you will.

I love you, Elaine.

You know that, don't you?

I love you very much.

But you need to be more careful.

Dinner was late three times this week.

And that house is a total pigsty.

Do you know that I found an old hot dog...

...under the bed this morning?

And why don't you ever brush your hair?

You need to take better care of yourself and of the house.

I'm embarrassed to have people over.

I've been really patient up until now, but you need to step up your game.

I have a crazy bitch for a daughter.

What? You're not crazy.

Well, if you're not crazy then you're stupid.

Which is it? Are you crazy or are you stupid?

And you could lose a few pounds.

You're looking a little fatty.

Oh, my God, Elaine...'ve lost so much weight.

You have such a hot body now.

Do you like it when I touch you like this?

Or like this?

I wanna make you come.

Don't be frightened, Elaine.

I would never hurt you.

I'm not the big, bad wolf.

You need to have perfect love and perfect trust.

Hast thou the courage to make the assay?

I have two words, perfect love and perfect trust.

Assist me to erect the ancient altar... which in days past all worshiped.

From the old times, a woman was the altar.

And the sacred place was the point within the center of the circle...

...the origin of all things.

Therefore, should we adore it.

Good morning, Sergeant Griff.

Congratulations on your promotion.

Thanks, Connie. Is there any coffee?

Yeah, I just made some. I made it just the way you like it.

Is there anything you don't do well?

Why don't you try me sometime and find out?

How's the coffee, Steve?

Too strong.

Well, I like it strong.

Man's gotta stay awake on the job after all.

Why, have you been keeping late nights?

Maybe so.

But now that you've been promoted...

...maybe you ought to start thinking about settling down.

Me, you kidding?

Sergeant Meadows, a lady's here to see you.

I'm Shelly Curtis. I phoned about Wayne Peters...

...the teacher who disappeared.

Yes, of course. Have a seat, Miss Curtis.

You say you think Mr. Peters might have been kidnapped?

Yes, no one's seen him for two weeks.

I went by his house and the mail's piled up.

We had lunch the day he disappeared.

I saw him drive away with a strange woman near the Plaza.

Do you have any idea where he might have gone with her?

Wayne used to spend weekends up in a cabin he had in the woods.

He used to take dates there.


Hey, Griff, look.

Good Lord.

What the hell is this?

I don't know.

We're going to have to dig, Steve. I know.

I think you should go back to the house, Shelly.

This cake is absolutely fantastic.

And what a great dinner.

Thank you. I enjoy cooking.

Hope you don't mind my calling you.

Sometimes it's so hard to be alone.

Not at all.

I get a little lonely, too when Trisha is out of town.

How long have you and Trish been married? 10 years this September.

10 years?

It's really amazing.

No one has ever loved me the way you love Trish.

No one.

What about your husband?

My husband never loved me.

He couldn't wait to get away from me.

I'm sorry.

Sometimes I think Trish would like to get away from me, too.

Poor baby.

Poor, poor baby.

So, tell me...

...what turns you on?

What turns me on?

No one's ever asked me that before. Let me think.

You know what really turns me on?


Flying? Yeah, flying a plane.

You don't know what kinda high it is.

You're soarin' up there above everything.

You're in control.

How fantastic. It really is.

It's the only time I feel really clear about things.

Sometimes I look at my life and I wonder how I got here.

I feel like my life is slipping away and there's so many things I haven't done.

Like what? I've never had any sort of love affairs...

...or gotten into any mischief.

I used to watch those old Steve McQueen movies, you know...

...the ones where they'd rob a bank or something...

...and I'd fantasize that I was one of those crazy kinda gangsters...

...with a sexy, messed up girl on my arm.

Or those westerns...

...when they'd shoot up a town and then go visit the local prostitutes.

It sounds stupid, I know.

No, it doesn't.

It's very sweet.


Trish doesn't think so.

She just rolls her eyes when I talk like this.

That's because she doesn't understand you.

I understand you perfectly.

You do? Of course.

You wanna have a sordid love affair.

You wanna get into some mischief.

Who are you?

What are you doing to me?

I'm the love witch.

I'm your ultimate fantasy.

That's right.

That's right.

Steve, I'm going out to see that witch doctor.

Who? Professor King.

He specializes in black magic and witchcraft.

He might be able to help me identify some of the items we found.

It's great. Did you get the lab report?

Yeah, yeah, it looks like heart failure.

But the toxicology report showed traces of jimsonweed...

...also known as devil's weed, a highly toxic hallucinogenic.

It's unbelievable. You want me to come with you?

No, this will only take a few minutes.

Can you order me a turkey and avocado on whole wheat?

Mustard, mayo?

Yeah, and cole slaw. Thanks.


Sergeant Meadows, sorry to have kept you waiting.

Glad to meet you, professor.

Professor, this is the bottle we found in a grave of Wayne Peters...

...the one you read about in the paper.

Interesting, yes.

Just as I thought. The contents indicate that it's a witch bottle.

A witch bottle?

Yes, witches used to make them for protection against curses.

They'd take something personal like bodily fluids or hair...

...along with herbs and something sharp like pins or broken glass... scare away evil spirits.

Witch bottles have often been found buried in the hearse of very old houses.

Would it be safe to assume that the person who made this was a witch?

It's very likely.

Witchcraft, long dormant in civilized places, has taken root again in cities.

There have several rituals per year.

One of them, Samhain, corresponds of our Halloween.

Other rituals celebrate summer solstice, Litha...

...or the winter solstice, which they call Imolg.

Here the members of a coven kiss the devil's behind in a mockery of Christian rituals.

Here, a satanic cult sacrifices a child.

Does this stuff really go on today? Yes, indeed.

Those who practice human sacrifice are the black witches...

...who perform blood rituals to gain demonic powers...

...and to bind their members together in secrecy.

Law has been trying to root out these cults for decades but they've been unsuccessful.

Then there are the white witches or Wiccans who commune in nature in the healing spirit...

...and who have a strict law that forbids harming others.

Every city and rural village today has pockets of both black and white witches...

...who practice the ancient rites.

I invoke and call upon thee, mighty mother of us all.

I invoke thee to descend upon the body...

...of this thy servant and priestess.

Of the mother darksome and divine... I charge you in this sign.

Listen to the words of the great mother.

She, who of old, who was also called Artemis...

...Aphrodite, Ceridwyn...

...Diana, Isis...

...and by many other names.

Whenever ye have need of anything...

...then ye shall assemble in some secret place...

...and adore me...

...who am queen of all witches.

There shall ye assemble... who are fain to learn all sorcery.

Behold all acts of love and pleasure are my rituals.

Behold I have been with thee from the beginning...

...and I am that which is attained at the end of desire.


You're looking a little tense tonight, love. What's the matter?

Nothing, just my usual roller coaster love life.

Well, have a drink and relax.

Nothing's that dire, at least not for you.

It's an entirely different story for your victims.

What victims?

There's no need to play Miss Innocent with me, dearie.

Please, don't touch me.

Bright blessings, Barbara. Merry meet, Elaine. How's it going?

I'm back in the dating pool again. What happened?

I thought you were crazy about that new guy you were seeing, the married man.

No, I broke it off.

He just became really obsessive, morose...

...and his aura became really murky.

He didn't even wanna make love anymore.

He became just like a woman, crying at every little thing.

There was no polarity.

But I should have known. He's a Pisces.


I thought I told you never to interrupt me when I'm working.

What do you want?

I just wanted to let you know that I'm going to bed and I'm taking a pill.

Are you coming to bed?


I have some more work to do.

All right, see you tomorrow, then.

Sergeant Griff Meadows of the Police Department.

I'd like to ask you a few questions. Okay.

Does this look familiar to you?

It's a witch bottle.

Do you have any idea who could have made it?

No. No, I don't.

Ever seen any of these in here before?

Yeah, we have some witch bottles.

I'll show you one.

Here's one.

How common are these bottles?

I've never seen 'em in here before until a girl started supplying 'em to us.

Who is this girl?

Her name is Elaine, Elaine Parks.

Who is it?

Sergeant Meadows, Police Department.

Sorry to bother you, ma'am, but I'm investigating a case...

...and I just wanted to ask you a few questions.

About what?

Well, it's a potential homicide case.

Just a routine check.

I thought you might be able to help us.

Of course.

Please come in, Sergeant.

So you say there was a homicide.

How horrible.

Who was killed? A man named Wayne Peters.

Did you know Wayne Peters? No.

Here's a picture of him. Ever seen him before?

No. I guess I can't help you, Sergeant.

Good bye. Ms. Parks, wait.

Have you ever seen anything like this before?

It's a magic bottle. I made it myself.

Have you ever seen one containing urine?



We found this bottle containing urine...

...and a used tampon...

...on the grave of Wayne Peters.

Will you excuse me for a moment, Sergeant?

Ms. Parks, are you a witch?

Yes, I am. Is there a law against that?

I guess not, not unless you do something wrong.

Do you think that being a witch makes me evil...

...capable of murder even?

No, I wasn't trying to imply...

Sergeant Meadows... you know what it's like to really suffer?

You have to fight and fight until you're too exhausted to go on.

Witchcraft is my religion, Sergeant.

And this religion, which is older than your Christianity...

...saved my life.

Ms. Parks...

...I'm sorry if I've offended you.

I didn't realize.

That's all right, Sergeant...


You can call me Griff.


I know I've seen you before.

I just don't know where.

I have that same feeling.

I know.

You're the man in the cards.

You're my fate.

What do you mean, I'm your fate?

I did a Celtic cross reading.

For my future card I got knight of wands.

Always felt that if that card showed up in a future reading...

...soon meet the man that I'm going to marry.

But the man that I marry has to love animals.

Do you like animals, Griff?

Why yes, I love animals.

In fact, a friend of mine has a couple horses I'm very fond of.

You know, tomorrow is my day off...

...and it's supposed to be quite nice out.

Maybe I'll get away from the city and do some riding.

Do you like to ride, Elaine?

Patchouli...'re such a sweetheart.

How's my girl?

Am I your girl?

For today you are.

You're my girl and there's nobody around to tell me otherwise.

Except me.

And what's that supposed to mean?


Kiss me.

What's that sound?

I don't know. Let's go see.

Now is the time of the summer solstice.

The strength of the Oak King is waning.

And the Holly King stands ready to challenge him...

...for the hand of the Green Maiden.

Let the battle begin.

Your season is over, old man. Never.

I will have her. Never have her.


Holly King, I name you the victor.

The Green Maiden is yours. M'lady.

Come on.


You know these people? Well, yes, in a way.

All hail, fair lord and lady. Welcome to our little gathering.

All hail.

We are the good people of the renaissance and medieval players...

...and we are celebrating the mid-summer.

Won't you join us?

To be sure, fair consort.

They are charming, are they not? Yes, quite charming.

I see two people in love.

This calls for a wedding.

A wedding? Yes, a mock wedding, if you will.

To honor the Gods of love.

Love is a magical thing Love will make you feel like a queen or a king Unicorns, rainbows, lucky charms Await you in your true love's arms Love is a magical thing Mystical, physical, alchemical We're pretending to be in love today But pretending is also real

There's a lady in a castle She's sad and so forlorn When her troubadour returns and kisses her She's all smiles and laughter Lady, you're so beautiful Come lie with me and be my love I'd slay any dragon, endure any danger Just to have you near me Love is a magical thing Lucky lovers mate in the spring We sip from goblets full of joy But when love dies All life it does destroy


Now, ye are wed.

I'm so happy for you, Elaine, he's adorable.

I'm not in love.

It's not that I don't have sentiment, it's just that love is soft.

You need guts in this business.

I've seen guys get shot to death because they fell in love and got soft inside.

I want an heir some day and then I would need to have a wife...

...but love is something else.

A man can get destroyed by things like that.

It's like he's not even a man anymore.

I never wanna get that way.

When you really love him...'s like fireworks and nothing else matters.

You love all the little quirks about him.

The way he slurps his cereal.

The way his mouth is a little crooked.

Those details about him become your whole life.

Something inside you opens up like a flower...

...and you realize that you have more love to give...

...than you ever thought was possible.

'Cause the more you know him...

...the more you love him.

The more you get to know a woman, the less you can feel about her.

At first, she's this incredible object of mystery...

...who fulfills all you're wildest fantasies.

Then she starts to reveal little flaws...

...and after a while, just gets pretty hard to care.

Feminine ideal only exists in a man's mind.

No woman could ever fulfill it.

And sometimes, when she tries to love you more...

...give you more... feel like you're suffocating...

...drowning in estrogen.

The most awful feeling.

Dinner tonight, Griff?

Can't tonight, Connie.

Some other time.

Hey, Griff, I got more information on that Elaine Parks girl.

You leave it on my desk.

Don't you wanna hear it? Steve...

Captain wants us to lay off the case. Are you serious?

He says we have a policy of leaving the witches alone.

He says they've lived in this town a long time...

...and he doesn't like to mess with them. Even if they murder.

He says he's satisfied that Wayne's death was a heart attack.

I think so too.

Has everyone gone crazy around here?

Let me at least tell you what I found.

Now, Elaine used to run an organic beauty store... Berkeley with her husband, Jerry.

Two years later they were divorced and Elaine moved to San Francisco... start dancing at a burlesque club where she got involved with a witch coven.

The coven broke up after police questioning when some of it's members died mysteriously.

Soon after, Elaine's ex-husband died of a drug overdose...

...shortly before he was planning to remarry.

The police questioned Elaine but they couldn't find enough to hold her.

Well, if the San Francisco police couldn't find anything...

...what happened there is none of our business.

Are you serious? I'd say this woman is a dangerous character...

...and you better watch her.

You mean because she's a witch? That doesn't mean anything.

No, her husband died of a drug he'd never taken before.

And did you ever find where Wayne Peters got the devil's weed?

I questioned Ms. Curtis about that.

There was devil's weed growing near his cabin.

Apparently, he experimented often with drugs.

Come on, Griff, can't you connect the dots?

We have a possible murder here and Elaine is our only suspect.

I told you, we're laying off her.

Because of orders or because you're in love with her?

Who says I'm in love with her? Get the hell off my back.

You're out of line, Griff, way out of line.





Thank you for meeting me, Elaine.

It's not good for me to be alone too much.

I know you're busy. Of course. I wanted to come.

I can't help but blaming myself for what happened.

You can't blame yourself.

You were a good wife to Richard.

I tried to be.

I tried so hard to please him...

...but I should have tried harder.

He wanted a certain type of woman...

...someone I could never be.

Maybe you were right.

Maybe you should give a man his fantasy.

I thought that was so awful when you said that.

Maybe I was being naive...

...but I really thought he loved me for me.

But now... I wish...

You have to stop torturing yourself.

You have to let go.

Remember how he changed after my Dallas trip?

I think that's when he started having that affair.

Whoever she was she drove him crazy.

I hated him so much for that.

I wanted to kill them both.

If I ever found out who she was, I would rip her to pieces.

But now I see I should have helped him.

I didn't know that he was going to...

...take his own life.

Enough about me.

What's going on with you?


I'm in love.

Who is he? He's a detective...

...and he's everything a woman could ever want.

He's strong and handsome... and kind.

I just know that he's the one.

He even gave me this ring.

I call it my magic ring.

It's not an engagement ring but...

...I just know that he's gonna pop the question soon.

When we first came here I showed you my engagement ring, remember?

I can barely stand to look at it anymore. It's too painful.

I'm sure he's going to ask you soon.

You're going to make a beautiful bride.

The first day we met... were envious of me because I had a man and you were all alone.

Now it's the reverse.

Life is funny, isn't it?

Trish, I'm sorry, I've gotta go.

Would you like to walk out with me?

No, I'd like to stay and finish my tea.

All right.

Take care, love.

Hi, Elaine, it's me. Yeah, you left your ring here.

You're probably driving but I'll drop it by on my way home.

See you in a minute.

You bitch.

You killed my husband.

Bitch, skank, whore.

You'll burn for this.

Crash, crash, crash.

Die, die, die.

Habondia, bind these two...

...with a heady lovers' brew.

Even should they strive to flee...

...they'll cling for all eternity.


Bottle o' beer, Sam.

Who are those new girls?

They can't dance at all.

And they're weird.

I don't know, but the customers really like 'em.

They're friends of the witches. I seen them come in together before.

Yeah, the witches.

They're everywhere.

One gin and tonic, Sam. Gin and tonic coming up.

Did you read about the teacher buried in the back yard of his cabin?

They said it was dug by the witches.

Yeah, I read about that. They found all sorts of witchcraft things on the grave.

Yeah, I heard about that, too.


Sit down, Elaine.

Elaine, the DNA came back from the lab.

It connects you with Wayne Peters.

Patricia Manning came by the station. Some things of yours.

Including this.

She said you drove her husband to suicide.

So I was a bad girl.

Are you going to punish me?

What sort of person are you, Elaine?

What sort of sick mind would do such things?

Why are you so negative?

I didn't kill anyone.

Wayne died of heart failure...

...after a beautiful night of lovemaking.

And Richard died because he loved me too much.

These men weren't used to the deep feelings of love...

...that they were experiencing with me.

Are you saying these men died of love?

That's insane. What about the spells and the drugs?

Are you saying witchcraft had nothing to do with it?

Witchcraft is just a way of concentrating energy.

It can only work with what's already there.

I just use sex magic to create love magic.

I didn't know how strong the spells would be.

Sometimes it's almost scary how strong the love gets.


What do you know about love?

What you call love is a borderline personality disorder.

Or worse.

Don't diagnose me.

Maybe you're a narcissist who can't love.

You think that I'm sick...

...because you've never loved like I have.

Well, I would do anything for love.

That's right, you'll never get enough love.

Even when a man loves you so much it kills him...'s not enough for you. You're like a bottomless hole.

You doll yourself up and do the Stepford wife thing...

...thinking every man is going to fall at your feet.

But your creepy little sexy act...

...doesn't work with me.

I don't love you.

How can you stand there and boast about being immune to love?

Why does the genuine love of a woman scare you so much?

You think that your way is a superior way to live?

I know a lot of women who feel the way that I do.

Only men make us work so hard for your love.

If you would just... us for ourselves...

...but you won't.

My ex-husband was just like you.

He used to punish me by withholding his love from me.

All my life I've been tossed in the garbage...

...except when men wanted to use my body.

So, I decided to find my own power.

And I found that power through witchcraft.

That means that I take what I need from men...

...and not the other way around.

I'm sorry, Elaine.

It won't work this time.

I'm afraid I'm going to have to arrest you.

What for?

Marrying a lover according to my religion?

Seducing a married man?

I know 400 years ago you could be burned for a thing like that...

...but not today.

No, not burned...

...but you'll be booked for burying Wayne Peters illegally.

And we'll find out more.

That's the witch who killed the teacher.

Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live.

Burn the witch. Burn the witch.

Burn the witch, burn the witch, burn the witch.

Burn the witch, burn the witch, burn the witch, burn the witch.

Burn her! Burn.

Poor baby.

Poor, poor baby.

Don't worry, everything will be okay...

...because I love you so much.

I love you, Elaine.

I love you, Elaine.

I love you, Elaine.

I love you, Elaine.

I've never loved anyone but you.

I want to marry you.