The Music Box (1932) Script

oh, i think it's adorable. i'll take it. well, i'm glad you like it. you see, it's the latest model. can you deliver it right away? right away, madam. you see, it's my husband's birthday, and i want to surprise him. oh, i understand. and the address, please?

1127 walnut avenue.

1127 walnut avenue.

whoa. pardon me, mr. postman. yes, sir? could you tell me where 1127 walnut avenue is?

1127 walnut avenue? yes, sir. that's the house up there, right on top of the stoop.

that's the house up there, right on top of the stoop.

steady, susie.

just a moment! this requires a little thought.

now ease it down on my back.

oh! oh! get it off of my back!

ow!

why don't you be careful?! i couldn't -- oh! come on! ugh! now heave ho!


oof! wait a minute! that's it. heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave ho! heave ho!

would you gentlemen please let me pass? why, certainly, ma'am. why, just a moment.

just a moment. maybe i can help you. now...

of all the dumb things! oh!


and not only that, he kicked me. he kicked you? yes, officer -- right in the middle of my daily duties. oh, h-he kicked you, did he?! heave! ho!

hey, you! what?! come here! go down and see what he wants. yo go down and see what he wants. don't argue with me! go see what the man wants! i'm not arguing. go ahead!

what do you want?! go down and see what he wants!

what? i don't want you. i want that other monkey.

what?! he don't want me! he wants the other monkey! you! oh!

ooh! oh! whoa! oh! oh! oh! oh! aaaaaah!

ugh! ungh! oh! hey, what do you mean by molesting that girl? who, me?! yes, you. well, i was just -- now, let that be a lesson to you. are you gonna stand for that? say, listen. if he'd have said one more word to me, i would have --

oh! now, let that be another lesson to you. say, listen. don't you think you're bounding over your steps? what do you mean bounding over my steps? why, he means, uh, overstepping your bounds. oh. now, let that be a lesson to you. oof!

heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! oh.


well? well, are you two numbskulls going to take this thing out of the way? what's it to you? i should like to pass. why don't you walk around? what?! walk around?! me -- professor theodore von schwarzenhoffen, m.d., a.d., d.d.s., f.l.d., f.f.f.n.m. should walk around?! get that thing out of my way! get it out of my way! come on! get it out of the way! out of the way!

very lovely. i'll have you arrested for this! i'll have you thrown in jail! i'm professor, d.d.s...

heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! both: heave ho! heave ho! heave ho! heave ho! ollie! what?! i can't make it! don't weaken now! we've only got a couple more steps. now move together! heave! ho!



come here!

you fellas carry that piano all the way up these stairs? you didn't have to do that. you see that road down there? all you had --

all you had to do was to drive around that road to the top here. phew! now, why didn't we think of that before? heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho! heave! ho!

whoa!


just a moment.


well, i guess we'll have to take it back. why? there's nobody home. where there's a will, there's a way. we'll take the piano through the window, carry it down the stairs, and place it in the living room. you find a ladder, and i'll get the block and tackle. mm-mm-mm.

ow-w-w-w! ow! why don't you watch what you're doing?! oh!

oh...



ow! aaaaaaah! aah! ooh! ooh.

aaah!

hey, ollie!

what? there's somebody home. are they up there? no. i heard him coming up the stairs. you heard him coming up -- why, stupid, that was me! that was you? why, certainly. well, how'd you get in the house? well, i was standing on the ladder while you were pulling the piano up, and the block and tack-- get back in there! throw me my hat! heard him coming up the stairs.

what is it now? you got my hat. here! throw me mine. now get back in that house, and i don't want to hear any more out of you.

ow-w-w-w-w! oh!

ugh! where'd you get the hat?

now let's get this piano downstairs!

aaaah!

oh!

oh!


get that piano out of there while i find a place to put it.

i'll get it out.


ow-w-w-w! ow! ow! ow-w-w-w-w! ow! get out of here! get that piano out of that box! oh! oh!


ow! aah!

what were you doing up there? i was trying to plug it in. that's not the place to plug it in! give it to me!


aah! and if i see 'em, i'll run

'em in. thank you, officer!

now let's get this place cleaned up!


oh!


what is the meaning of this?! do you live here? do i live here?! this is my home! what are you doing here?! why, we just delivered your piano. piano?! piano?! i hate and detest pianos! they are mechanical blunderbusses! take it out of here before i commit murder! take it out! take it out! take it out of my... aah! aah! oh! that's enough! stop! wait a minute! i'll take care of you! i'll take care of you! you will listen! i'll show you!

[ "the star-spangled banner" plays ]

i'll teach you to bring a piano in my house!

i'll show you! piano in my house! theodore! i hate pianos! theodore! what are you doing?! why, these two blundering idiots delivered a piano here by mistake! look at our home! why, it wasn't a mistake, darling. i bought the piano to surprise you on your birthday! there, there, dear. i wouldn't have had this happen for a million dollars. i thought you said you hated pianos? what, me hate pianos? why, i'm nuts about them! excuse me, gentlemen. what can i do to show you how sorry i am? just sign here. service with a smile. stanley, the pen.

why, you! out of my house! o-out of my house!