The New King of Comedy (2019) Script

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Follow your dreams and don't hold back No matter how long it may take

Follow your dreams and don't hold back

(An Actor Prepares)

Just like the howling wind ls someone hurt?

Let's go check it out

Old man, where are you hurt?

It hurts Where?

I don't know...everywhere Let me help you No... ls this a scam? ls it for real?

Hello, Emergency?

I'm here at Da Peng Pardon me Sir...I'm also an actor Your acting is not good. Pain is the essence of a scam You're not showing enough emotion! Not convincing enough!

Ai-ya!

Your 'Ai-ya'...is not gonna do it You were just hit by a car. You can't just say 'Ai-ya'

You need to be believable otherwise, you won't get any sympathy from the audience Ohh...it really hurts No kidding dude!

This is lame, be serious!

Watch me

I'm going to pass out!

What...don't act smart!

Fainting is fine, but don't rush it The blood looks good Too bad your acting lacked in the beginning You've already lost your audience Just sharing some tips with you Don't take it personally, Sir The ambulance's here Make way!

Mild fracture in left chest, third rib bone...not life-threatening Let's go

Ready...up Careful

I'm so sorry, Sir ls she a family member?

She's just crazy...ignore her!

Help!

My leg...

Cut!

Hey! What the hell are you doing? Don't you know how to act?

You're in pain! Why aren't you screaming? Can't you act?

Well, in my own experience...

When people are in pain, they don't always scream out loud What the hell are you talking about?!

Hey mister...come here Can you do a painful reaction?

Ah!

That's so fake Let me show you

That's real! See! No screaming, no shouting Please tell the director Director, what do you think?

I... Director?

You...

Get the hell out!

Hey...

Need extras to play dead. Must keep the make-up on for two days How much? Who wants to go?

$400 for two days That's it?!

I'll go!

Any chance I can show my face?

Are you bargaining with me?!

If you show my face, just a meal will do Deal! Let's go! ls she crazy?

Crazy!


Come on, let's eat. Food's getting cold You're the birthday boy We can't eat until you start first

Dad Happy birthday!

Dreamy...

Your make-up's very unique It's quite terrifying! ls acting fun?

I get to play a corpse this time There's a close-up so I can show my acting skills Show your acting skills by playing a corpse?

Dad...

Death makes an interesting context for actors Imagine...

If you were chopped dead alive...

The feel of that scene...

What did you say?!!

Say it again!!

Birthdays should be a happy occasion Dreamy, stop the nonsense and remove your make-up!

But I still have a shooting tomorrow You really think you're a big movie star?!

You guys grew up together, right?

Look at Bobby!

He's now a big-time lawyer!

It's nothing much...nothing to brag about And look at Peggy!

She's happily married...

With a great husband!

But look at you now!

We'd hoped you would become a lawyer Not a corpse!

Everyone has their own talents...even a corpse I'm an extra but I can take care of myself I have my own dreams too You're thirty already and you've been an extra for over a decade Have you ever played the lead?

I believe in my talents. If I work hard...

I can definitely make it as the lead actress Sorry, I choked on water!

Mum, am I right?

Yes...you can do it That's bullshit!

You've spoiled her!

I'm giving you one last chance!

Take that thing off and burn it!

Cleaver is not flammable, right?

Then I'll add one more!

You asked for it!

Wait a second!

Your emotions are so inspiring!

Dad, hold the cleaver and hop again I want to record this Ready, jump!

Jump!

Daughter, what are you doing?

Auntie, we'll be leaving now So sorry!

Get out!

I'm disowning you!

And take your trash with you!

But Dad...that's your trash I don't give a damn!

You total bum!

Get the hell out of here!

Please calm down!

I'll beat you up everytime I see you!

Hey!

Can anyone act here?!

I can!

You Do a happy face Do a sad face Alright, come with me Who can do an angry look?

Me! Me! Me!

You Get lost!

You try Okay, very good Someone react to a deathly blow Me! Me! Me!

You Can you specify the type of deathly blow?

What's with all the questions? Get lost if you can't do it...

How about "Icy Palm Attack"?

Okay, Icy Palm Attack

so cold...

See a doctor if you're sick... Don't give it to me!

You! Try!

Why are you dragging me here? I'm not going!

Just want to bring her some soup Soup for her?! Are you on her side?

Just pretend we're passing by If I see her, I'm gonna hit her! Don't stop me!

Or I'll hit you too!

You're asking for it! What's wrong with you?!

Why do you need to know everything?

I just want to build up my character Build my ass!

No one will even see you! Are you the lead?

Would you get it if I gave you the context?

You won't! You're just an extra!

Go, come with me That was intense

Hello What?

Couldn't you be nicer?

Why blow up over a simple question?

None of you business!

She's serious about acting. Can't you see that?

Who?

You know who I'm talking about!

God is watching what you're doing!

Be careful...karma!

Crazy! PA...come here!

I'm sorry Do you know who I am?

No!

Good Let's go

Hello Your acting in Icy Palm Attack had a lot of depth. It hit the mark It was alright The key is imagination... immerse yourself into the scene That's amazing!

I'm Young I'm Dreamy You're reading this book too?

Yes!

You like "King of Comedy" too?

I love it! I memorized all the lines!

Wanna give it a go?

Right here?

Why not?

Hey...

What?

Are you leaving?

Yes Where are you going?

Home And then?

Off to work Do you have to go to work?

Who will take care of me if I don't work?

Hey!

What now?

I'll take care of you

My boyfriend's here Hey, that's the wrong line No, my boyfriend's really here

See you!

Who's that guy?

Some colleague Really?

Yes. Let's go!

You can have my sausage

Let's share

I put $4,000 into our wedding fund this month You only make $5,000 a month. If you give me $4,000...

How would you survive?

$1 ,000 is enough for me I get meals on the movie set so it doesn't cost me a penny Let me contribute $4,500...

So take back $500 No, don't worry We agreed to half each I thought my love was deeper But turns out, your love is just as deep

You're really giving him your money?

Of course Then why not give it to me?

But I'm not getting married to you!

You might as well be with me then Lend me your soap

Why do you keep staring at Mimi? Do you like her?

Pisses me off if you say that!

Looking doesn't mean I like her!

I despise her from the bottom of my heart She's so cheap!

Don't you think Mimi's pretty?

Beauty means nothing...

If she's got nothing inside You know why I love you?

Why?

Because you have taste Of course!

Dear...

I want to introduce you to my parents They'll be so relieved to know we're together That's for sure Actually, I'm busy with a big project now When accomplished...

Your Mum and Dad will be so proud of me Not to brag but, I, Charlie...

Shall be the next Bill Gates!

Aren't you being too ambitious?

Let's be realistic and go for number two or even three?

I am very humble and realistic!

How many eyes does Bill Gates have?

Two How many eyes do I have?

Two He doesn't have more and I don't have any less ls that right? Yes!

Whatever he can do, I'm capable of it too!

Absolutely right!

Listen to me. You must believe you're the best!

Not be second or third place! You are number one!

Stop thinking about those online videos Go for the big global movies!

Actually, an international production is looking for Chinese actors That's your chance!

But they're looking for Snow White You're Snow White!

Me?

How many eyes does Snow White have?

Two How many eyes do you have?

Two So why can't you be Snow White?

Tell me! Why not?

Tell me!

Ask yourself...

Am I right?

Doesn't it make sense?

You are...

Snow White!

You really want to get beauty injections?

Well...Snow White is a Western classic Reckon adding some Western features to my face...

Wow, you've even thought of that Famous actors do it all the time Marlon Brando went all out to get the Godfather role He did a lot to change his face Bullshit! You just want to look better with cosmetic surgery You wrong me!

Getting prettier is surely a good thing I found this amazing beauty App!

SoYoung Medical Aesthetic App It shows all the information and the different cases I actually know a 80 year old well known brand Where?

Here we are

Doctor, here's a new customer for you

What would you like to do?

I want to look like her

Are you sure?

It's my first time. I'm a bit nervous This style is also my first time. I'm a bit nervous too!

You do Chinese faces more often right?

Honestly...

I usually do humans Do you want the hair too?

What hair?

There's hair all over

Right...they're more hairy...

But most people won't notice It's hard not to notice You're so professional. But I'll pass on the hair What a shame!

The effect will only lasts for two days It's simple...very quick

Doctor, I want a tall upward nose

More upwards...your nostril will be as big as a yin-yang hotpot Yin-yang hotpot?

Whatever you like

Doctor Why do you keep looking at that gorilla?

I need to look at it so I know what to do!

Why?

You wanted this gorilla look, right?

No, not that!

I wanted this!

Why didn't you say so?!

I want a mirror!

Don't look! You can't take it!

Relax, I can fix it!

Just lie down Alright, it's done!

How is it? Let me see...

How do I look?

It's gorgeous!

How gorgeous?

Too gorgeous to look at It's much better now

Next

(Snow White audition. Line up here)

Wait there

What do you want?

I'm here to audition Which role?

Snow White Why?

Because I want to audition for Snow White Say again?

Why am I repeating?

Not sure I heard you right

I'm here to audition for Snow White Say that again Never mind...sorry Stay there!

Stop that woman!

Don't let her go!

Stop her!

Get her!

Don't Run!

Stop her!

Come with me!

Wanna run?

You can't get away?

Wanna run?

I'm so sorry! It was just my wishful thinking...

I shouldn't have come!

Boss, take a look What do you think?

Get to work!

Please don't!

I won't do it again!

Neck...thirty-three Start working!

Sleeve...sixty

What's going on?

Don't move

Please tell me what's going on?

You got the role Director, we're almost ready I got it?!

We're ready...

Hurry up!

(Miracles happen here)

Let's go!

May I know what this scene's about?

Don't worry about it. We'll tell you after we shoot What's the character's emotional state?

Great!

Good idea! Actor's on the way...

Ready...

Stay here!

Hello

Camera!

Action!

Cut

Okay. Switch to the actor Lose the double! Actor, ready for your lines!

Take her away!

Hurry up!

Move aside!

Action!

Go ahead! I'm not afraid to die!

Cut!

Okay Keep beating Actor, take a break. Double, take over Thank you Come Tilt your head up Tilt your head Stay sharp Come on...hold up your finger Point your finger up Posture, don't collapse Action!

Cut!

Switch!

Action!

Can't believe you killed me!

Cut! Cut!

Wonderful!

The Seven Dwarves have finally avenged Snow White This is so touching Director Aren't I supposed to be Snow White?

What the hell are you doing?

Get lost!

Sorry, Director Take her away Director!

Sorry Ready for Snow White's scene Okay

Mr. Marco Tell that 'has-been' to hurry up. Need him on set Who's the 'has-been'?

Me Watch your mouth!

Sure

(Snow White - Bloodbath in Chinatown)

Make way! Make way! Mr. Marco is coming!

We'll do company move after this scene...

Director, please pick the female version of Snow White Any pretty face will do...there's only one shot Mr. Marco is here! Stay calm!

Attention, everyone! Make way!

Go away! Stay away!

Go away! Don't come over!

Stay calm! No pushing!

No touching! No photo!

Mr. Marco...

In this scene, you will play Snow White The evil witch tricked you into eating...

A poisonous banana and then you became a man The prince got too drunk to realize... that he slept with you Did I do him? Or did he do me?

Both ways When the prince woke up, he found out you were a man He couldn't accept it so he tried to kill you But you killed him first The prince's men tracked you down in Chinatown They attacked you You were badly hurt... your guts came spilling out

Isn't that gruesome?!

It's my tribute to Zhang Che's Aesthetic of Violence Zhang Che, Aesthetic of Violence Do you get it?

Fine Not fine or not. It's whether you get it or not?

What do you think?

It's hard to say Of course I get it! You meant violent right?

Perfect!

Let's do the scene when you get stabbed and you're angry. Okay?

Okay, let's begin!

Mr. Marco, let me set up the props

Camera Take one Action!

I...

I am so angry...

Cut!

Mr. Marco, can you try to be really angry?

I already said I'm angry You all heard it, right?

Director, only you didn't hear what I said Do you think I'm lying?

It's hard to say Then don't say anything! No one is forcing you!

Can you be more girly?

That's what I said!

I'm a princess after all You are really slow Come on!

One more time!

Action!

I am so angry...

I am really...

Bloody hell!

What the hell is this?

Cut! Wrong lines What the...You thought that was a line?

How did my guts become hotdogs?

Mr. Marco, listen to me. A New Year film can't be too violent What about all that "as..." violent crap?!

Aesthetic of Violence Attention! Attention!

Attention, everyone! Attention! Mr. Marco is pissed off!

I was just about to get into character!

Why did you interrupt me?

Even though this is a movie with aesthetic of violence...

...it can still be innocent Seeing my guts as hotdogs...

I almost burst out laughing!

How can I get into character?

The business side is very complicated You're an amazing actor... the hotdogs won't be a problem for you!

Of course it won't!

But you're insulting the audience's intelligence New Year movie You might as well add some cute kidneys!

Props! Get me a kidney! Copy that Right away!

Director, would this work?

Dip it into the ketchup and let's see...

Okay

Oh my God! So bloody and innocent!

That's it Ready! Actors in position!

Not yet cut?!

I'm worn out!

Attention everyone! Attention!

Mr. Marco is here. Make way!

Attention everyone! Attention! Mr. Marco is coming!

Stupid director...making a stupid movie!

In the old days, I would've slapped him!

Why don't you now?

I'm a classy gentleman now!

What are you laughing at?!

You fool Are you mocking me?

How dare you mock me?

You think I'm funny, huh?!

Attention, everybody! Attention! Mr. Marco is kicking!

No kidding! Mr. Marco is kicking!

No touching! No photo!

Self control!

Dreamy ls it really you?

Young Yes ls it a special make-up?

Yes Everything's okay?

I'm fine You can have my meal Don't worry

Excuse me Mister, can I get another meal please?

One for each person You 'extras' are always so greedy!

Get lost!

If you come back, I'll call the cops!

I told you guys earlier God is watching everything you do!

Why are you always so mean?!

What?

Aren't those lunch boxes for eating?

What the hell?!

Tell me!

Tell you what?!

Aren't those lunch boxes for eating?

Yes, so what?

Why didn't she get one?

Who?!!

That girl with special make-up Answer me!

Calm down!

Why didn't she get one? Calm down!

Why didn't she get one?

Hold on!

Why did you hit yourself with a bottle?

I couldn't hit him, could I?

Didn't you see how big he was?

Did you see our daughter?

No So we just leave?

Yeah

I saw Marco on set the other day Who's Marco? That Marco Who? Never mind He was in a bad mood... he kicked away my lunch box So I asked the PA for another one, but he wouldn't give it to me But suddenly as I was leaving, he gave me one ls good luck coming my way?

You're just an extra. Don't overthink it Have some respect for extras Many stars started as extras Sun Li, Carina Lau, Zhao Liying...

Are you as talented as them?

We're all special in our own ways And I work harder than them You're delusional So work hard and you'll have a chance No one gets discovered just standing on the streets Excuse me, Miss Would you like to be in a movie?

Who are you?

She's a famous producer Hi, I'm Dreamy...I'm an actor Hi...we're looking for actors in our movie Are you interested?

Yes, I want to try!

Oh sorry...

Not you It's you Me?

Yes, I've been talking to you How about it? We're just over there


Don't be sad Consider it a game Don't cry They picked me for the female lead!

Really?

I know nothing. Why would they pick me?

I went in and they removed my make-up. Said only two lines...

Then I got the lead! What should I do now?

What do you mean? It's a great opportunity!

I would trade fifty years of my life for this chance!

But I don't want it!

I'm so scared. I don't want to be an actor!

It's okay...don't cry I'm so innocent, the industry will pollute my innocence I don't mind to be polluted, perhaps you can tell them...

I can take your place I beg them to take you...

But they said they would rather die They would rather die?

Yes, they said they would rather die Would rather die What should I do?

Car's here Okay. ls everything fine?

Yes... Hi You still here Thank you for giving me the chance Do your best Sure You want a ride?

Sure, I live nearby Thank you

Take the back seat

Mimi moved out just like that?

Everything's gone She even took my soap and sanitary pads Told you so Cheap!

If I hadn't ask Mimi to eat with me... they would have picked me Even without Mimi, they might not have picked you

Don't people said 'hard work pays off'?

So that opportunity wasn't meant for you, but for Mimi But if she doesn't try her best, she will eventually screw up Hang in there. You'll make it!

You're right! I'll try even harder I'll send out my CV all over China, I want everyone knows what acting actually means!

Well said!

Be positive!

I'm short on cash for my start-up, but I still have hope How much do you need?

$20,000 Just use the wedding fund No! Then we would never get married Maybe I can work overtime or get a second job Let me worry about it I don't want you to suffer

Hey boss

Excuse me Boss I need money. Do you have any work that pays more?

Are you serious? Who do you think you are?!

I'll do anything Please...thank you

Cut!

Are you kidding me?

She looks perfect Get lost! Don't know what the hell you're saying!

Who hired the double?

Old hag, I beg you! Put on some clothes!

Get out! Man, she's scary!

Sorry, Director I didn't know she looks hideous unclothed Are you joking? This double sucks!

Bad figure and sagging skin And black dots on her ass Sorry, Director You might as well have asked me to do it!

Go get me another one! Dreamy Are you okay?

I'm fine The director said my body and skin suck And begged me to put my clothes back on That was it, I am super fine


Ask the howling wind, how long is the road Before I can see my dreams Will I survive the waves and the wilderness

(Hiring Extras for Drowning Scene $400 per day)

Before I make it with a smile

The wind does not begin or end It just has to surge and go No questions asked No worries about the long journey and wild waves Let's go with the wind No matter the seasons change Follow your dreams and don't hold back No matter how long it may take

Follow your dreams and don't hold back Just like the howling winds

Director Do I need to move?

Have you ever seen a moving statue?

No. Why don't you use actual statues?

Because they're too expensive. Get lost!

Dreamy, are there any acting tips to be a statue?

I see...just meditate to appear lifeless I'll try this

Let's begin!

The prince wakes up and discovers that Snow White is a man Rolling Scene four. Shot one. Take one Action!

Who are you?

Snow White I slept with you?

Cut!

What are you doing?!

It's only lust for you but love for me!

Why so upset?

What?

Your character lie for chips...

You no pain heart, understand?

What?! But...

Director, get someone to teach him English Come on. Let's do the close-up of me killing him first Everybody, I no time, quickly, quickly!

Mr. Marco, do you know your lines?

Of course! Hurry up...

Okay, ready!

Action!

What's the line?

Cut!

It's all my fault, blame it on my body, you heartless man!

Okay, let's begin Action!

It's all...fault...

Whose fault?

Cut!

It's all my fault, blame it on my body, you heartless man!

I got it! Again!

It's all my fault...

Blame it on my booby...

Cut!

Sorry Mr. Marco, it should be "body"

Who cares!

Just a bit off Kids watch movies during New Year...

Better be careful with pronunciation Kids don't care about pronunciation!

Shall we say "1 , 2, 3, 4, 5". We can dub the lines later Counting numbers?

Are you insulting me?

No, this is easier Easier? Why didn't you say so!

You wasted my time...you damn fool!

Come on, shoot!

Rolling Action!

1 , 2, 3...

Cut!

1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Don't interrupt! Shut up and shoot!

1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6...

...8 Cut!

1 , 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 Counting numbers make it more difficult!

Tell me! Who on earth can do this?

My Chinese's not good. Let's do it in English Okay. Rolling Action!

Thousand wrong ten thousand wrong My meat wrong You negative...

Heart people

What's he doing?

Cut!

Mr. Marco. Are you okay?

Can't you understand simple English?

No, I don't...what happened actually Of course you won't understand... but if you insist...

I'll tell you Attention! Everyone attention!

Mr. Marco is giving acting lessons.

No photo! No touching!

I killed my beloved with a knife My emotions are so complex!

Sad, fearful, selfish, arrogant, excited, shy...and so on Those emotions...

They are just like...just like this...

...and that...

What do you know? And you interupted me?!

So sorry. I thought you were having seizure Seizure?!

My acting was amazing but you thought I was possessed!

Didn't you guys see it...my amazing acting?!

What are you doing?!

You fall asleep when I give lesson Sorry Mr. Marco It's you again!

Come here!

This statue doesn't look real...too clean I didn't sleep well last night. I didn't mean to fall asleep Get down on the ground!

Quickly!

Right!

Stay still!

Way too clean...need retouching!

You need to look more realistic!

Dirts enhance texture

It's way too clean Forget it...don't use this statue!

Everyone...back to work!

Hurry up!

Hello How've you been? Alright?

Pretty good, Mum. Everything's fine That's good Remember to be humble and learn from others I know...I get it Dad and I are worried that you're being bullied

Don't worry Everyone likes me here...really That's good to know Oh, Mum... ls Dad still mad at me?

No

Your Dad got a headache and just resting now Please tell Dad that...

I love you both What did you say?

Say that again, louder Damn you! Get lost!

This make-up room is for actors, not for extras!

Isn't she sweet?

Damn you!

What?

Isn't that sweet?

Dreamy Are you okay?

Young...

Please, stop asking me if I'm okay Your face...This is too much!

Stop! Don't make things more difficult for me I need money and I need this job!

Why didn't you say so? Money is all I have How much do you need? I can give it to you Stop joking around with me!

You are just like them!

Can't you see I've reached rock bottom?

I just want to help If you really want to help... just leave me alone!

I am sorry


Wish I could fly a rocket, fly you to the skies Live together in outer space Live for a thousand years and be blissful everyday Having you by my side is endless fun Being together with you is my pride and joy Fear not of the end of the world When storm comes, as long as I see you It is like a thousand miles of sunshine Having you around is joyful and make everything marvelous Even plain water taste sweet Longing to be with you forever, I need you every minute You are sunlight. You are my breath Dressing up for you, feeling crazy for you Be a fool for you Scream like crazy is joyful too Having you by my side is endless fun If I lose you one day, blossoms would feel sad I would desert the world to live on an island Carve a figure of wood in the memory of you Live alone with the figure of you Having you around is joyful and make everything marvelous Even plain water taste sweet Longing to be with you forever, I need you every minute You are sunlight. You are my breath

Cut Mr. Marco, this is the first shot of the entire movie You ate a poisonous banana and turned into a man I want you to show more deep inner fear Or this movie is doomed Not like this...

I want true fear Show me Try expressing it with your eyes Cut What are you doing?

Do it again Truly feel it...

Cut!

If you keep doing this...the movie's doomed!

Do it again For example...it's really...

Cut!

Forget it. Take a break Well...

Cut...

Get lost!

How did it feel?

Unhappy?

It's hard to say We're all just making a living here Let's not give each other a hard time Why so serious?

PA Show him to the restroom, Clean him up

Hello

Mr. Marco Did you see the news?

No, what's up. Quick!

Do you remember the extra you were yelling at?

Yeah?

She's dead How did she die?

She hung herself She wore a red dress to show her deep vengeance

Look! What's she doing there?!

I don't see anyone That person in red...standing by the wall Can't you see her?

Mr. Marco, stop joking

Get a close-up of him looking scared!

Got it Director, why am I looking at the wall?

It's not a wall. It's an ocean You're ice-skating and you see your crush, Mr. Marco You dare not to look at him... so you steal a glance Then hide behind the wall and steal another glance. Got it?

Got it Action!


Now you gather your courage Give him your necklace and smile Action!

This is for you...

Great! Cut!

Perfect! Beautiful!

Director, this...

He peed his pants...

Never mind...hold on Sorry Mr. Marco. Please don't be angry That was the expression I needed That's awesome. Let's continue!

I'm not doing it!

I need to go to the hospital...

Damn you!

You will hear from my lawyer Sorry, Mr. Marco I just wanted a better performance You could've just told me how!

I'm a world-class actor. I can do anything I kept asking and you kept failing So you came up with this evil plan?

Attention! Attention everyone! Mr. Marco pissed his pants!

What did you just say?

Attention everyone! Mr. Marco did not piss his pants They're just wet I've had enough of you!

I've been in the movie business for decades I've never been so humiliated in my life!

How is it possible for an extra... to humiliate a world-renowned star?

What the hell!

It's total nonsense!

How dare you stand there still?

I am sorry No, you stay!

You go!

Yes. You should go!

I meant you, Marco. Leave!

You, young people these days... ls so inexperienced and come up with this crap I get it I totally understand I had to do this because your acting sucks My acting sucks? Why did you hire me in the first place?!

Because you were cheap and everyone else was busy You've been a total has-been for years Thought you would have cherished this chance You're a failure because you don't have what it takes to be an actor Let's not waste more time. Sun's coming up Everyone, get ready. Let's roll again One more time, everybody!

Don't worry about it. We're replacing you!

Don't be a prick. I'm trying to be nice here You're the prick here!

We should talk Get back to work. Come on Director I appreciate the chance. I'm really gratefuI I think about repaying you even in my dreams How about giving back my script?

Please don't do this! I haven't worked for seven, eight years!

I can't lose this job! Please give me another chance!

I'll give you half my acting fee Deal?

Do me this favor I can't Please?!

Take back the script from him Excuse me

Please don't!

Let go!

Give me some face, please... Let go!

Let go!

I'm so sorry I didn't mean to scare you Don't say a word!

I didn't know it would turn out that way I don't need anyone's sympathy

Coming here make me feel like fighting You weren't fighting... you were just beating yourself up

Marco!

Haven't seen you for a while. So you're still acting Hey, I'm taller than you. You've got sagging skin Dad. Mum She's our daughter Come What are you doing here?

Let's take a selfie Please Stop!

Don't worry...

Come on, let's pose together!

What pose? Show me the 'heart' pose Come on...be a good boy Smile! One, two, three!

Sorry to bother you, Mr. Marco Marco When my daughter was a kid...

She saw your movie "Orphan Adventure" and fell in love with acting You're her inspiration Mum, please stop Mr. Marco. Please don't mind us We're big fans of yours

Mr. Marco My daughter won't listen to me But she's just not cut out for this Can you help me talk her out of it?

She works very hard

She'll make it

Thank you Mr. Marco!

Young!

Nice suit!

It's okay Whose fancy car?

Dreamy...is $200,000 enough?

I can give you more if you need it Stop messing around! Using prop money will get you arrested Boss Time's up. We have to go In a minute...I'm almost done Dreamy, just take it No, I can't I found a part-time job. I have enough money That's good then

So you're actually rich It's from my family business Why did you even become an extra?

I really enjoy it But I need to go abroad for my family business I can't fool around anymore That's so amazing!

Not really. I've got to go By the way...

I want to tell you I like you Well, I like you too No, I mean in a romantic kind of way

I thought of you as a friend... but you wanted something more?

Yes

What do you like about me?

You've got a beautiful soul So you're saying I'm ugly on the outside?

No, you look beautiful too That's so fake! Imagination Come on. Try again with more feeling You're really good-looking!

Just forget it I don't blame you. The lines are a bit of a stretch Right!

How dare you!

I've got a boyfriend already I know But thank you anyways I'll be going then Come and visit me sometimes I'll be in America. Might not be able to come back for a while

You're a big-shot now! I'm so envious I should be the one that's envious You get to do what you love I'll be rooting for you

Hello Your food's here

Please give me a five-star rating. Thank you

Mimi!

Try it on It's been a while...how are you?

You know her?

Yes Director Chen!

It's really you! What an honor to meet you!

I'm a big fan of your movies. I love your work Thanks Try this one Actually, I'm an actor. My name's Dreamy Can you give me a chance to act in your movie?

I'm willing to play any roles Sure Really?

That's wonderful!

If you give me a chance...

I won't let you down!

That's good Thank you!

I'll get going

Pardon me Director, please have a look at this Director, when will the movie start shooting?

I want to clear my schedule for you...

Do you know her well?

Not really We'll call you You can go now, thank you

I'm sorry, but...

May I have your WeChat? I can come anytime to audition We don't use WeChat. Why are you still here?

Oh okay Can I borrow a pen? I'll just leave my number The Director can reach me anytime Just go!

Okay Thank you so much I won't be calling you Just go Thought you said you'll call me?

Hold on!

I was only being polite. Didn't want to hurt your feelings Have you never looked in the mirror?

I look at it everyday You actually think you have a chance?

I do No, you don't!

I know the chances are slim... but I'm willing to wait You don't need to wait!

You'll never get a chance....ever!

How long would 'ever' be?

Till the end of the universe!

Do you understand?

Well...what about after the universe ends?

People like that are a disgrace to humanity They'll never make it but yet they're in denial!

These people never know when to quit!

We just want your food! Aren't you here to deliver our meals?!

Sorry Director, Sorry everyone for the disruption I'll lead her out Let's go

What are you doing? You're making a fool of yourself!

I had to try Forget about it. It's fate!

Do you know what fate is?

What is it?

I never wanted to be a star, but here I am You've always wanted to be a star, but you're only an extra This is fate!

Don't fight it, okay?

Charlie, where are you?

I'm with a client I want to see you I still have a meeting later. I'm really busy!

I'll call you later Wait, don't hang up What's up?

What are you wearing today?

I wear the same thing everyday White shirt and black pants Why are you asking?

Oh nothing...just curious I'll talk to you soon. Bye bye


Let's take a taxi Okay Where can we find taxi?

Right over there It's raining hard Hi Cousin...what a coincidence!

Darling, she's my cousin. Wait here

Who's she?

A client Why did you call me your cousin?

Don't worry about it! It's just a label!

Let me talk to her

She's really my client and you're my client too!

I provide service...okay?

What service?

You know Boyfriend for hire You're an escort?

Whatever...it's just a label

Why me? ls this my fate?

Or because I'm stupid?

Don't be so hard on yourself

Ignorance is a bliss, makes you happier!

Alright Give me back my wedding fund About that money...

I'll take good care of it. Don't worry

The money you are after...

It's all here

Take it. Just do whatever you want I'm not scamming you I'm just collecting my service fee You can't just dine and dash, right?

You never thought I would make it as an actor, right?

You'll make it You're the best As long as you pay me, I'll keep telling you this...

As often as you want

Don't cry! She'll get suspicious!

Stop it!

Don't give me any trouble!

Why did you do this?

Don't screw it up for me!

Cousin! Don't take drugs!

It'll kill you!

Don't ask me for money anymore!

It's never too late to turn it around, Cousin!

You did the right thing Don't lend her any money She'll use it to buy drugs!


Are you okay?

Did you fall asleep? Were you drunk?

Are you trying to kill yourself?

Of course not Are you making a movie? Are you an actor?

No

I'm not an actor

I'm awake now Falling asleep while driving is very dangerous Don't do this again!

Hello Mr. Marco! Haven't seen you for a while What's your role?

A dying courageous soldier Just lie down over there!

Quickly!

Costumes...make-up...get ready!

Over here right?

Heads, stick closer!

It's getting dark, hurry up Should I open my eyesor keep them closed?

Who cares!

Then I'll die with open eyes After all, this battle is a glorious sacrifice to avenge the nation Dying with regret. I should...

Don't move!

Ready Action!

Protect the General!

Go!

Quick I cover you Go!

Look at this! What the hell!

Where did you get that?

Tencent WeeSee...

Check this out

So scared he peed his pants!

Marco is ridiculous!

Do you know Marco?

No, I don't

No

He did wet his pants!

I've watched this many times Can't stop laughing everytime I watch this

Didn't know he makes comedy This clip is hilarious

Marco!

Marco?

Are you Marco? ls it really him?

Looks like him ls it real?

Yes, it's Marco! It's really Marco!

He looks better in person Can you take a picture with me?

I like you! Let's selfie Look here Really?

No rush...

No rush, let's do it together Your clip was so funny! I love it so much!

(Record-breaking views: Marco is back!)

(Has-been child celebrity breaks internet record with peeing video!)

(Wetting your pants to success! Marco shocked over unexpected fame!)

(Brands fighting over new star - Marco endorses baby nappies)

(Marco mad at Pee meme. I'm not the God of Pee!)

Mr. Marco. We're so glad to have you today Can you tell us how you made your comeback?

What 'comeback'?

You're red-hot once again What red-hot once again?

I...

Was I dead and gone?

I didn't mean it that way No, what did you mean by 'comeback'?

Are you trying to insult me?

That was really good!

Of course!

Mr. Marco is absolutely brilliant, emotions come out anytime!

Sure, when my emotions explode, I can't stop it Can you show us the 'peeing-the-pants' look?

So many children will be watching...

Let's not do that You're right. Please tell us what's next for you What else? Just some international blockbuster I've met Marco. This is the video of me scaring him to pee himself You're an actor too?

Yes, I used to be an actor Have you met Bruce Lee?

Of course, I've met them all Hey!

Stop chatting! Get back to work!

There were so many ups and downs for you. Tell us how you feel I feel so blessed Not everyone can experience these ups and downs I am grateful to the person who scared me in the video I wouldn't be here today without her Who is she?

I don't know her name...but...

She's an actor

Dreamy!

Look who's here!

You look so good!

Mr. Marco!

Mr. Marco Dreamy! I found you finally!

I came to thank you She didn't do much. All she did was scare you My hair turned white from the shock she brought me I wouldn't thank her for that Come sit down Come...

It smells delicious You're super popular now!

Thank you for your scary face!

You have an amazing daughter You are so mean She looks like her Dad No, like her Mum She looks like her Dad She looks like both of you Also, I want to say congratulations!

You're shortlisted for Stephen Chow's movie What?

You didn't know?

They're casting some new actors with real talent I saw your name on the list Where did you see it?

Online It's tomorrow in Beijing. See, right here!

What happened to the internet? Sorry...

Anyways, I'm not going Why not?

I have a new job now I don't want to be an actor anymore Why?

I'm a waitress now Also, I've opened an online shop and making a decent living Dad and Mum are very content Dreamy finally came to her senses. That's good!

Brilliant Soup for Marco...

Very good

What's the matter?

I'm not feeling okay ls it menopause?

Nonsense! He's way too young! ls it a heart attack?

Quick, call for an ambulance! No need. I'm okay Does your family know? It's okay. I'm fine I can't watch Dreamy waste her life as a 'happy' waitress It's just not right

Don't get me wrong What I mean is...

It's like an undefeatable boxer...

Giving up before the match even starts I didn't give up. I finally understood I don't fantasize about being a star anymore You're giving up!

Mr. Marco It's been more than a decade already I've been ridiculed and rejected every day Nobody wants to see me act I've never got a single moment of respect I've had enough!

Why?

What do you mean by 'why'?

Why give up?

I'm not giving up!

It's just...

It's just that I'm not cut out for it!

Hard work doesn't always pay off!

I told you so! But you insisted!

Let her be. She was bullied all the time I know, I get it I totally understand...

I came all this way just to show my gratitude Now, I've got to go Leaving so soon?

Mr. Marco, stay for dinner!

Please stay!

I thought that...

Not giving up...is what success is all about!

You had taught me that


Maybe I should give it a try...

I knew it! You just won't let it go!

You useless bum!

Then go!

Book her a ticket!

Train or plane?

Plane! Plane First class!

Get out of here!

I don't need that much, Dad Take it!

You're a total bum!

Got the tickets! Get going!

First class right?

Sure

Thank you Mum Dad, you're the best!

Stupid kid! Don't ever come back!

Alright Don't forget your keys!

Got it!

(Acting and movement)

I'm a robot Ok, next

Morning

I'm a growing mushroom Next!

Hurry up!

Next!

(Emotional control)

Mum Grandpa. Grandma Uncle. Cousin Brother-in-law Auntie

Help me please!

My whole family's dead!

Fantastic! Next

Hello

Okay, next!

Sorry...I need five minutes to warm up There're over a hundred people waiting!

(Talent showcase)


Thank you That's very good. Next

Hello

I can make sounds with my hands Next!

I'm sorry This is a talent showcase!

Idiot!

(Role-play)

Hello I will play a hero Alright. Begin

I, Chen Zhen will take revenge!

Who killed my Master?!

Hello I will play a spy Get started Boss, don't...

Aren't we supposed to be playing mahjong?

What are you doing? It hurts!

Don't...

No belt please

Hello Hurry up I play a con-man Go ahead

Hurry up! Still over a hundred people is waiting!

Cousin!

Darling, she's my cousin. Wait here

Who's she?

A client Why did you call me your cousin?

Whatever! It's just a label!

Let me talk to her

She's really my client! You're my client too!

I provide service...Okay?

What service?

You know...that kind of service

Boyfriend for hire You're an escort?!

Whatever! It's just a label!

Why me?

Am I just stupid?

Don't be so hard on yourself

Ignorance is a bliss, makes you happier!

Take it. Just do whatever you want I'm just collecting my service fee And also...

You can't just dine and dash, right?

You never thought I would make it as an actor Sure, you can make it. You're the very best As long as you pay me, I'll keep telling you this As often as you wish

Don't cry! She'll get suspicious!

Don't screw it up for me!

Cousin, quit doing drugs!

It'll kill you!

Never too late to turn your life around, Cousin!

Thank you Why did you hit me?

I'm not the cousin!

Sorry, I didn't mean to!

Can you switch and play the victim?

Sure

You're an escort?!

Whatever...it's just a label!

Why are you an escort?

Don't cry!

She'll get suspicious!

You look like a retard. How could you be an escort?

Whatever you say, don't say I'm a retard!

That's not true The truth hurts, right?

You must be seen as a retard since little So now you scam people to prove yourself Bullshit! Everyone loves me since I'm a kid!

They don't love you. They just pity you Shut up!

You shut up!

Someone like you...doesn't deserve love I...

You lowlife!

You retard!

I'm going to kill you!

Why me again?!

I'm so sorry!

I really didn't mean to hurt you!

Alright! Enough! Next!

So sorry!

Hey!

That way!

You made it to the next level!


(A year later)

Hey, what are you doing?

We are looking for our daughter!

Go to the police station! Not here

That way please Thank you That way

This song brings out all kinds of emotions for me Trust everyone here feels the same way Over there Okay, let's continue with the awards The competition for Best Actress this year is intense For our nominees...

Are from all generations... in the industry Who will get the award?

But first...

Let's look at some footage from before they became famous

Jelly was quite pretty before Yes

Who's that?

That's Dreamy!

Yes


Please welcome our award presenters on stage

It's an honor tonight to give out this award The Best Actress goes to...

This actress is really 'one-of-a-kind' from the beginning... to the end of the universe Just cut the crap!

Life is...

But a dream!

Dreamy!

You did it!

Congratulations!

Dreamy!

It's alright Hello, Dreamy!

I'm a fan of yours!

I love all your movies!

Thank you I'm an actor too. Do you think I can make it?

Do you really love acting?

I was born to act. Will I make it?

No, you won't Even to the end of the universe...not a chance!

Do you understand?

I get it So what are you going to do?

I'll go back to be a farmer Of course not!

Don't let people tell you what to do Keep working hard You can make it

I get it. Thank you!