The Overnight (2015) Script

- This is the best. All right.

- I fucking love this. Okay.

- This feels so fucking good. All right.

I fucking love fucking you.

Okay, shh.

Shh. It's okay.

Sorry, was I saying "fucking" too much?

No, it's fine. It's good. I like it. Just keep it down, okay?

Okay. Okay.

Okay.

Tell me I have a big dick. You've got a big dick, sweetie.

Yeah. Say, giant.

You've got a giant dick, sweetie, and I love it.

Yeah. I love it.

Yeah. Circles, please.

Okay. Circles.

There we go. Yeah. Okay. All right.

Bigger circles, baby. Bigger circles.

I feel like I'm giving big circles right now.

Shh. Okay.

Shh. Shh. Okay.

Okay? Okay.

Okay. I'm good. Are you good? You good?

You good? Yeah, yeah. Let's do this.

Great. Okay.

Okay.

He's awake.

Okay, hurry up. Okay.

Ah. There's still time.

Oh, my God. I can come. There's still time for me.

Honey, he's awake. No, no, no.

He's awake! I'm coming!

Mama!

Whoa!

Hey, buddy! -It smells weird.

It does smell weird? Yeah.

Okay. Let's go, let's go. All right.

Do you know where RJ's summer pants are?

I have to put an outfit on RJ. Where...

My summer pants?

Yeah, I'm looking for your summer pants, buddy.

Emily.

We really should have labeled the boxes.

I didn't realize that we had this much stuff.

All right. Well, I guess he's just gonna fry to death out there

'cause all we have is like wintry, fleecy stuff.

I mean, I feel like we could get rid of half this shit.

Yeah, well, you know. Come on.

It's LA, dude.

It's every day sunshine.

Are you wearing that to a child's birthday party?

Oh, come on. It's little crazy at work.

I really want to get a jump on things.

Really?

Yeah. I'm sorry. Is that cool?

Honey.

I thought this was gonna be like our chance to meet people.

Just this one time.

I mean, you go to work and you talk to people.

Honey. I don't talk to people.

And it's weird. Alex...

I know.

Like, I'm a grown-up person... -I know.

...like, going and... -I know.

Am I supposed to just ask other grownups if they want to be friends?

You could.

You could start there. Sweetie, stop.

You could. That's crazy.

It's not crazy.

I... Seriously, am I... Am I seven years old?

You're not seven years old.

How do you not worry about this stuff?

'Cause I don't need anybody else.

I got everything I need under this roof.

Well, that's a nice thing to say.

Yeah, it's true.

All right. Well...

Good luck with the summer pants.

Stop saying summer pants.

It's your... It's your word.

No, it's not. You started saying it first.

No. I think they're called shorts.

Ah, why did I cut those off into shorts. What am I doing?

My son looks like an idiot.

All right, fuck you, too.

Hey, bud.

You having fun?

Not really. You wanna go home?

But I just got here.

What? Hi!

Hey. Hey, handsome boys.

Hi. You came.

Look what I got.

What's in here?

Oh, my God. Gummy worms.

Gummy worms! Oh, jeez.

See? Of course.

Look at that, huh?

Hi.

Hi.

Thank you for coming.

I know, I was just at work. I was feeling very guilty, I wasn't getting any work done, so...

I came to play. That's really nice.

Really nice. Thanks.

Oh, my gosh.

That's what I'm talking about. Gummy worms and kids, huh?

It's like chumming the ocean for sharks.

You're a genius. Yeah.

Hey, buddy.

Hold on. What's... What's going on?

Who's, um... I don't know.

What is this guy...

Why... I don't know.

Why is he talking to RJ? I don't know.

Should you go talk to him? Should I?

Maybe? I don't know.

I mean, if he's gonna...

Oh, here he comes. He's coming. He's coming. He's coming.

Hello. Hi.

How are you? -Good.

Is that boy yours over there?

Yeah.

Well, I'm glad I caught this.

This, my friend, is a pest that wreaks havoc in little boys' bellies.

I don't know where he got it from, but I wanted to bring it to your attention.

Oh.

Well, thank you. That would've been terrible if he ate it.

Yeah.

My son Max is on a strict vegan diet.

Oh. And a cleanse.

Just kidding. I'm Kurt.

Hey, I'm Alex. This is Emily, my wife. Emily.

Emily, Alex, pleasure. How are you?

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you.

So you guys part of the birthday party or...

Oh, no, no. This is our usual park. We come here every day.

Oh, cool.

How about you? I haven't seen you in the neighborhood You new around here?

Yeah, we just moved here from Seattle.

Two week in. Two weeks.

Wow. Well, welcome.

You guys picked the coolest area in Los Angeles.

Yeah? Yeah. Absolutely.

You know, we heard that this is where the younger people with kids were living.

This park's fucking fantastic. Uh-huh.

You've got two oyster bars. One of which is the shit.

That's great. Shops...

My wife and I moved here about two years ago. We love it.

Wow. Cool. Awesome.

That's great.

Wow.

Max has really taken a shine to your boy.

He's very discerning, doesn't make friends easily.

RJ is actually the same way. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Really?

Where's he going to school in the fall?

Um...

Have you guys taken your tours yet?

Tours? Touring the schools?

Yeah. Go around, look at them.

Okay. Well, I get a little bit crazy about that stuff.

Yeah, another... It's all coming up.

Just as long as you get your applications in early, you'll be fine.

If you need a letter of recommendation, I'm sort of the mayor of this area, so I can absolutely help you.

Thank you. Thank you.

Thanks. -Cool. Well...

Emelia. Ah. Ooh.

Alexander. All right.

So cool, you guys.

This is so cool. Welcome. Yeah.

Great. Great.

Great people. All right.

All right. See you.

Bye. See you.

You know, we have more to discuss.

Tonight is our regular pizza night.

We could turn it into a "welcome to the neighborhood" get-together.

I can give you the one on one on the schools in the area and...

It could be fun.

Huh. -I'm just throwing it out there.

Uh, yeah, I mean, that's really nice, but you shouldn't feel obligated.

Obligated-shmobligated. -No.

Our boys seem to love each other and we love making new friends.

It's not an obligation. It's fun...

You know, yes. Yeah. I...

That actually sounds like a lot of fun, right?

Yeah. Sure.

And Alex was just talking this morning about wanting to make new friends.

Get out of here. -Mm-hmm.

Great. Well, why don't you come over at like 5:00, 5:30? We're at 1983 Cameron Court.

Done. Thank you. Awesome.

Awesome. Great. That's really nice.

See you there. And listen, do not bring anything.

Just bring yourselves. We have everything covered, okay? No cheating.

Going to Whole Foods now, any dietary restrictions?

I don't think so. Screw it.

You guys, I'm so excited. Yay!

All right.

See you later. Kurt. -Bye, buddy.

Wow, he seems cool.

Best case scenario, I think we just made our first new friends.

Yeah. Yeah.

Worst case?

We have a boring night and we go home early.

Whoa. Oh, wow.

That's a pretty nice house.

Up, please.

Oh, sweetie, it's only a little bit further.

Here. Will you take that? Yeah.

Okay. Come here. Come here.

Want a little bit of a...

What have you been eating? What's in your belly?

What the fuck, hun? -Food!

Food?

Honey. Yeah.

What?

This is Two-Buck Chuck. We can't bring this to the dinner party.

Why?

Why? 'Cause it's two bucks.

It's what we had. I didn't think it was gonna make a difference.

This is like what 19-year-olds cook with.

Oh, sweetie. It's fine.

It's fine, right? It's kind of a lame move.

I... I think what you're doing right now is kind of a lame move.

Hello! -Hey.

Welcome, new friends. I'm Charlotte.

Hi. You must be Alex.

Come on in. Come on in. Okay. Thank you.

I'm just gonna kiss your cheeks. Mmm.

Okay.

And you must be Emily. Yes.

Beauty! Whoo! Well, thank you.

Thank you for that.

Let that kid down. We'll have them run free here.

All right. There we go.

Hello, sweet pea. Do you wanna eat pizza until your belly explodes?

Yeah! Yeah?

Oh, I know someone who's been waiting to play with him all day long.

Come on in, please. -Thank you.

Um, here you go.

This is from a farm up north.

It's our friend's farm. Wow!

Yeah, that's why there's no label, 'cause they recycle the bottles.

Oh. Okay. So... It's organic.

Great. Wow. Well, thank you so much, Alex.

Great. Come on in.

The boys are just finishing their homework.

I'm gonna get you with my horse!

I'm gonna get you with my horse!

All right, last one. Last one.

"Vamos a la biblioteca."

Biblioteca!

Right. Hey. -Hey.

Bienvenudos, guys.

- Ciao. Hey.

Kurt is speaking Spanish with Max in anticipation for some work we're gonna be doing in Ecuador.

Oh, wow! That's amazing.

Mm-hmm. But with me it's mostly French. Uh-huh.

You... So, you... French and Spanish?

Does that ever get confusing for him? No.

Do the two... Keeps him on his toes.

I don't know if you guys noticed, but we've got a seriously delicious situation developing here.

Oh, yeah. Mmm, yum!

You guys look great. Oh, thanks.

Hey, thank you again for inviting us.

Oh, yeah.

Your house is gorgeous, by the way.

Thank you. It's beautiful.

I'm proud to say that Kurt designed and rebuilt the entire thing himself.

Well...

It was just an ugly box when we bought it.

Holy cow!

I actually based the entire design on Charlotte's childhood home in the south of France.

Wow. So is that what you do? You're an architect?

I've... I've lived many lives, Alex.

I've been born, died and resurrected so many times, I can't even tell you, but...

Can I show you what my passion is now?

I'm really excited about it.

Yeah. Yeah.

Then we'll do pizza.

Here, drink it.

Yeah? Yeah, drink it, taste it.

How does that taste? Oh. It's... It's really good.

Are you familiar with desalinization through reverse osmosis?

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

You are. -Um...

Remind me again what, what it is.

So, that water that you're drinking was processed through a filtering system that I've been developing for the past ten years. My own personal system.

What's wrong with a... Like a normal filter?

They only last about 36 hours. After that you're basically drinking liquid cancer.

Mmm. But with my system, we're essentially taking spoiled lemons and making sweet, sweet lemonade.

Like that water that you're drinking right there, that was initially sewage.

Pretty amazing, right?

Mmm. Oh.

Yeah. So you see how far...

Oh, no. Oh, no. Alex... Oh-oh.

Alex. Alex, it's beyond clean. I would not give you disgusting water.

He's just joking. I know he's kidding.

No, it's so good.

Well, thank you. It's really good.

We already have our system set up in some of the poorest parts of the world.

Like your Cubas, your Northern Pakistans... Wow.

Your Central Republic of Africas.

We're taking this bitch village to village.

Oh, my God, just... Before you can...

Sometimes the only way to shut him is to kiss him.

That's not true. Is that true?

No, I mean... I stop talking.

I'm so proud of you, darling.

I stop. I stop. I'm fucking hungry.

Okay.

Are you hungry? I'm sure you are.

Are you guys fucking hungry?

Sure. Yeah.

One more piece of pizza for old tubby over here.

Oh...

Seriously, buddy, you don't have to barf to show us you like the food.

Honey, he might have a point there. I don't know.

Jesus, I feel like I'm on Intervention or something.

Just let him have one more piece. He's a growing boy.

Thank you, Charlotte. You're welcome.

The pizza is yucky.

Doesn't look like you thought it was yucky.

It's so good, you know what it makes me think about?

What?

Isn't he the funniest?

You know what?

Hold on, I just wanna say one thing. He's very funny.

I wanna say one thing.

You know, one of our main worries coming here was that we wouldn't be able to meet new people or make new friends.

Um...

And I have to say that tonight you guys really put that to bed.

And, and, and... It's true.

It is true. It's true. He's... Yeah.

And I just wanna say, thank you for having us in your beautiful home. Thank you.

Glad we could be of service. Cheers. So, thank you.

And, you know what, speaking of being put to bed.

Yeah, I think we're hitting the wall here energy-wise.

Yeah, it's close. Yeah.

It's gonna be all like the squirt's rules from here on out. Yeah.

RJ, are you ready to say goodbye to Max?

Only in America do we let children dictate when the night is over.

Why don't we put the kids to bed upstairs and continue down here?

Carry him home later, once we're done.

Yeah. What do you think?

This is a French house.

Yeah, it's a French house.

Oh. I don't...

Well, we... No, we... We'll just get out of your hair.

We want you to stay. -It's fine.

We want it. We want it.

I mean... Is that what...

Yes. Settled then. All right.

I'm not done with you two yet.

And as for you two kids.

You come with me upstairs because I have got a surprise for you.

Do you like surprises?

Me! Yes!

Give me 20 minutes and I will give you parental bliss.

Come on, sit down.

Wait for me! -I...

What do you think? I mean...

...why not?


Can't sleep.

Kurt's got it. Just give it a second. Trust me on this.

Night night. Good night.

Un-fucking-believable.

Pretty amazing people, huh, babe?

Best case scenario?

I love you.


Shh. Night night.

Sleep tight, boys.

You are a man of many talents.

I am.

I love you so much. Love you so much.

So, Charlotte... You're the best.

You know, I'm realizing as we're sitting here that we've been together all night and I haven't yet asked you what you...

Oh, yeah. What you're up to these days?

Charlotte's between things at the moment.

Yeah. I am. Okay.

I mean, right now my main job is mom.

Ah, most important job of all. I know exactly what you're talking about.

Well, thank you Alex. Thank you.

What do you... What do you mean by that?

Oh. I just... No, I just mean, like...

You know, I very much respect the mom job because I've been at home with RJ and...

Oh, really? -Um...

Yeah. I mean, I meant it as a compliment to, you know, all the moms out there.

Yes, yes.

It's beautiful that you're making those sacrifices so that Emily can pursue her career.

Yeah. Oh, thanks.

But you need to find ways to nurture your soul at the same time.

Oh.

And how do you do that, babe?

I have my hobbies.

Charlotte's working part time as a masseuse.

Oh.

Well, I'm dabbling. Yeah.

That's cool. But, you know what? She's actually...

She's more than that. Um, she's a fabulous actress.

Really? Now, that is cool.

That's so nuts.

I swear to God, right when I walked in here that's exactly...

Like I looked at you and I thought, "She's so beautiful, she must be an actress or a model or something."

Oh, thank you. You did?

And I was right!

I mean I haven't done it in a long time.

That's crazy. -Thank you.

It's hard because her French agent is not here, so it's a little bit...

It is hard.

We've never met a real actress before. We don't...

Is there... You've never met an actor before?

No! No. I don't think so.

I think this is our... Yes, it's... It's our first...

Is there anything that we might be able to see you in maybe? Yes! Yeah!

Um... No, we don't have any...

You do. I see... I think somebody might be giving it away.

We're movie buffs. Yeah. We watch...

We've probably seen it, so...

I'm grabbing it.

Yes! Yay.

See, this is truly exciting for us. So...

Really, thank you.

I mean, I hope you're not gonna be disappointed.

Well, I don't think that's possible. No.

What are you talking about? This is great stuff!

Fasten your seat belts.

We're really proud of Charlotte's work in this one.

So I think if we just begin...

- Yeah? ...by opening your shirt. Do you mind?

- No. I don't. With me, right?

- It's all very simple, right? Mm-hmm.

- We just unbutton your shirt, right? Yeah.

- You could do it anywhere. Really. Okay.

- You could do it in a restaurant, at home, right? Yeah.

Okay, and if you wanna just bring your breasts out for me, right?

And if you wanna start by massaging in some circular motions. Yeah?

You wanna take your flanges or breast shields and you just wanna place them right on your nipples.

Get just the perfect latch there, right?

- Then you'll turn your machine on... Yeah.

And it will just start sucking, right?

You wanna really... See, if you don't feel...

Well. You get the picture.

But I am proud to say that this DVD was included with all the breast pumps that this company sold from 2005 to 2008.

That was a great plain breast pump. You guys keep it.

Oh, thanks. -It's a gift. Keep it.

So we'll take it home with us?

Yeah. It's a gift.

Watch it at your own leisure. -Thanks.

It was awesome.

Oh, please. Thank you.

You looked very beautiful in it.

I mean, it's... I tried to stay natural.

Huh.

It... It was very natural.

Wow. Well...

Thank you, Alex. I really appreciate that.

You know what? I've got the perfect thing for this moment, right now.

Sweetie, would you get them some more red wine?

I'm gonna get something from upstairs. Okay. Yeah.

You guys, just chill. Sweetie?

I'm gonna get some wine. We have no more wine.

Okay, that sounds like a great idea. Okay.

What?

Honey.

This is California. Maybe this is what dinner parties are like.

How am I supposed to know?

I mean, up until then it was fine.

Like they were great, right? What was great?

Kurt was playing music... They were great or her breasts were great?

Oh, please.

I love your boobs. Oh, stop.

I love your boobs very much. Stop.

Twelve months of breast feeding a child has completely decimated my breasts.

I worship them. I worship them like they're two little Jesuses on your chest...

Hey! -Hey.

I just checked on the boys. They're just so cute.

Oh, great.

They look like little brothers.

I mean, I'm so happy to know that Max has a new buddy.

You guys smoke pot, right?

No. Yeah.

Whoa!

Holy... Holy cow!

Wow! -Whoa!

See, I don't know if he knows how to do it, the thing we...

Are you gonna give it a shot?

Oh, honey.

You did it!


Come here.

Can't see shit, man.

Here take my hand.

You're all right? -Yeah.

Hit your head? -No.

Okay, come here.

All right.

Whoa. This is what I wanted to show you.

Is this like your office or something?

I guess you could say that. Here.

Oh, wow! All this...

This is, uh, how I keep my sanity.

Painting first entered my life when I was around RJ and Max's age.

What started out as dipping my fingers in the tips of the, uh, acrylics blossomed into all this.

My refuge. It's how I can truly express myself. Huh.

Is that... Is that what I think it is?

Very perceptive of you.

That's... You can say it.

A butt hole? -Yeah.

This series is called Portals.

Each of them painted from life.

I was lucky enough to have some of my best friends donate the time as models.

Even Charlotte's up here somewhere.

Fifty bucks if you can guess which one's mine.

Butt hole?

Oh, well.

That one.

That's amazing.

Really? Is that... That's... Huh. That's yours?

That's me. Oh, great.

That's me. That's great.

Do you paint?

Yeah. No. -Hmm.

I always wanted to, though, because I always felt like, you know...

I always felt like I could.

Yeah.

Um, like I feel like if I did it, it would be, um, really...

Great.

No question. Yeah.

Do you think... I think there's never...

Never an excuse not to try this. Yeah?

'Cause these are amazing.

I think you could do it. And if you ever want, you can borrow some of my acrylics.

Really? I got everything here. You can come paint with me.

I can come here and paint with you?

Bring RJ over, let him play upstairs, we could sit out here and paint.

You know what, I'm gonna start painting.

I think I'm gonna start painting.

You are painting. You are painting. I'm gonna...

I'm gonna be a painter.

You are a painter. You're great.

I feel like I just, like, made a decision.

Really? Yeah.

That's so cool. Yeah.

Oh, my God, this house is just amazing!

I mean, I'm... I'm lost already.

You'll get used to it.

This is my bedroom. Okay.

Wow!

Whoa!

Oh, my God!

These cookies are so incredible right now.

Mmm. Oh, yeah.

I love these cookies.

You know, you can't find them in France.

No.

And there's so many ways to eat them.

Mmm. So many tasty combinations.

You know, I never thought that I would be surrounded by boys.

Hmm. I know the feeling.

Don't get me wrong. Mmm-hmm.

I love it. I think it's great.

I just think that it can be just downright kind of nasty sometimes. Like...

I really find myself craving feminine energy.

What's this area?

This is just another creative spot in the place.

Um, it's a photography zone. Oh, cool.

It's where I take all the pictures of the models who come in to, uh...

The people that pose for the...

Yeah, they come in, take the photos, print the photos.

I can blow them up to any size I want, 'cause as you can see, it's extremely detailed.

You just paint based off of the photos? Yeah.

That makes sense, yeah. Yeah.

Or I'll have them come in and take pictures of me.

Oh, right, when you...

Yeah, a lot of them are self portraits.

You want my advice, Emily?

Yeah.

You need to create your own space.

One that is only yours.

Mine, is this bedroom. Mm-hmm.

And Kurt's okay with that? He's okay with all the girly stuff in here?

Ah, no, no, no, no.

This isn't Kurt's bedroom at all.

No. This is my bedroom.

Oh, I'm sorry. I just assumed that you guys were...

It's totally fine, you know.

It, it all started with him taking too much time in the bathroom and then I couldn't sleep with his breathing noises but it's, it's all for the best. I love it.

You love it? Mmm.

So you sleep in here alone?

This bedroom is mine. It's only mine.

Mm-hmm.

And there are things that I do in my bedroom that no one needs to know about.

You know you've got a really great look.

Uh... Anybody ever tell you that?

No.

You gotta a really neat thing going on.

Mind if I snap a couple?

Um...

I think I might need some direction or...

You don't. Just do whatever you were just doing. It was great.

Really? Yeah.

That's great. Relax.

Like that? Yeah.

Wait. Okay.

Your shirt's kind of blending in with the backdrop. Would you take it off, please?

My shirt? Yeah All right.

You know, I would put money on my husband just being passed out on the floor right now.

He usually has a bit of trouble keeping it together when he smokes weed.

Oh, he seemed fine to me.

We'll see.

One time in college... Mm-hmm.

...he thought that he was breathing out of his ears and he had a panic attack.

Be careful. Careful.

I'm serious. He did that.

Like that? That's great, yeah.

That feels weird, like...

But you know what, it's weird in real life, it's great on camera.

Yeah. You're looking for...

...Hey!

Oh, hey, guys. Hi. -Hey!

Hey.

Um, what's up? -See?

I told you that he was gonna... It's okay. Don't worry.

What's up? Hey.

What are you...

What are you guys... What we were doing was just getting to the good part.

You were getting to the good part? What does that mean?

Oh, it's okay. It's just painting.

Yeah, hun, did you know that Kurt was a painter?

No! Painted all these beautiful paintings. Yeah.

I didn't know that.

And, uh, he's a photographer too, which is...

Why were you on the ground?

There's nothing to worry about, Emily. We were just free styling.

We got into a mood and just went with it. Yeah.

You're ridiculous.

Hey.

I've got a proposal to make.

My proposal's this.

That swimming pool out there has about 10,000 gallons of the freshest filtered water imaginable.

You can drink it. It's got healing powers.

Now I think we all need to get in that pool and let the fucking healing begin.

I mean, who's with me? What do you guys think? I am with you.

Come on! Come on, guys! Let's go!

Come on. Okay.

Hey!

Whoa!

Whoa!

Oh, whoa!

I'm coming, baby.

Come on, you guys.

Normally, we would... -Yeah.

We forgot to bring our suits with us.

No suits in the house, au naturel.

Oh, my...

Okay. -Feels so good.

You've got good form on that, um...

I don't know.

There's nothing to discuss. House rules. Um...

All right, we'll probably come in. We, we just need to, like...

Take a minute. Um...

Just... We just need to take a minute.

We're gonna have a conversation, super quick.

Okay, look. Listen, I'm like super fucked up right now.

I know.

Are you fucked up? Yeah.

Come in here.

I... I need to talk to you about something serious.

What? What's going on?

I can't go skinny dipping with them.

Why? I think it'll be very exciting, to be in the water with Charlotte's ta-tas.

That's not what I'm talking about and you know it.

I... You know, I can't... You know what... You know what I'm talking about.

Oh, oh-oh-oh.

Well... Honey.

How many times do I have to reassure you about that?

Come on, guys.

This isn't the G8 Summit.

It wouldn't be so bad if we just have to see his giant goddamn horse cock.

You know? It's pretty big.

It's really, really big.

Listen. Okay.

Listen, if you're uncomfortable, I will absolutely follow your lead.

Okay.

You don't have to do anything you don't want to.

Well, I'm not going to.

So, we talked and, um...

We don't wanna disrespect your house rules, but...

We are not French.

No. So we've never done this before...

Ever. And we, we're just hoping that underwear is...

Because that's as good as we can...

Yeah. So we hope, we hope that that's okay with you guys.

Absolutely, as long as it's negotiable.

What are you doing?


You all right? Yeah. I'm fine. I'm fine.

I'm fine. Should we race?

Go.

I feel weird. Who's pool is this?

All right, that's a joke.

I don't know if that's...

I'm okay! I'm okay!

Oh, my God. Whoa! Whoa, buddy.

Overboard. Over...

Alex! Charlotte, help me.

I've got you, Alex. I've got you. Come.

I've got you. I've got you, Alex.

It's okay. Don't worry. Everything's fine.

I've got you, Alex.

Honey, are you... Oh, God.

Everything is gonna be fine.

Are you okay?

God. I'm so sorry. I'm so sorry.

It's okay. Don't worry. It's fine. I'm so sorry.

Hey. Hey, stop that nonsense. You think it's the first time somebody has yacked near the pool?

No, it's not.

Honey, you wanna go home, honey?

No. I wanna stay here forever.

Are you sure, honey? I think you kinda almost died in the pool.

I ruined everything. I don't wanna be a party pooper.

No, you didn't.

No, he's right. He doesn't wanna be a party pooper.

You know what? I've got the perfect thing for you.

We're gonna get you cleaned up and calmed down, okay?

Yeah. Let's get him up, let's get him up over here.

Oh, thanks, man.

Oh, sweetie. Are you sure, are you sure that's a good idea?

Yeah, puke and rally.

Remember? Right.

Puke and rally was our slogan in college. First year, puke and rally.

That's my guy, everybody. Mr. Puke and Rally.

Just do us a favor, okay? And if you're...

Listen to your body, and if you're starting to feel like you might throw up again just let us all know.

Okay. -Okay?

Okay. I will listen to my body.

Thanks, honey.

Hey, can I say something?

Something's been bothering me. I don't, I don't mean to offend you, I only say this out of concern.

What's with the whole nudity thing?

Yeah. I, I hope it's not because of us, is it?

Oh, no, no, no. You guys are great.

Okay. What is it, man?

I just feel like there's some kind of a weird judgment going on.

No, there is no judgment.

No judgment at all.

No. It's just, uh...

It's my problem.

I... No. It is.

I wouldn't call it a problem.

Honey, you don't have to cover for me.

It's not a problem, it's just that we're not totally comfortable.

It's not her problem. Okay. It's...

You don't have to do this. No, it's me. I have a body issue.

Honey, you don't... Why wouldn't I do this?

I don't... I just... What?

We don't know, you know.

We don't know what? We don't know where we are?

I know where I am. I'm in a hot tub.

I do know that, too. And I'm in with these wonderful people.

And why not say I have a body issue?

I just say... You just say the words, you know?

What's the issue? Yeah.

I have an abnormally small dick.

I have an abnormally small dick! Okay, uh-huh.

Sweetheart... I do. It's...

As long as I can remember. -Hey...

Tiny dick. There it is.

That's okay, man.

Is it Kurt? Really?

I've seen your dick, man. I don't think you know what I'm talking about.

Okay?

No, no...

Well, Alex, what Kurt means to say is that you're in a safe place.

You can talk to us.

Honey, you know that it doesn't mean anything to me.

It doesn't matter to me.

Oh, right, 'cause the circles, right?

I make circles, everything is okay. It's like I have a big old ding dong.

I've... All I have to do is take it and move it around in circles, and it's like it's like that big.

Honey. Is that...

Honey... Right? That's what this is about, right?

Because of circles all our problems are solved.

Sorry, guys. I'm...

Hey, Alex?

What? There's nothing to be sorry about.

We all love you. We do.

You don't have to hold this anymore.

You know, I didn't even know it was small until middle school.

Like...

In PE class I would just see guys changing and I would...

Like I knew something was wrong.

But I didn't...

Like I asked my parents about it and they were like, "Well, you'll hit puberty and it will grow."

You know?

But it just... It didn't. It never did. It never grew.

So I still have this, like, dick from middle school

on my body.

I'm so goddamn proud of you right now.

You have a spark in you.

I saw it the first time I laid eyes on you, all right? You've got a...

It's like you have a blinding aura of goodness and love surrounding you at all times.

It fucking follows you around. Oh, come on.

I'm not just waxing your car here, man. You've got something special.

You need to share with the world.

Okay. See that girl over there?

She loves you for who you are, with every sense of her being.

You guys are gonna grow old and die together on a porch somewhere.

I mean, it's big.

Yeah.

And there is a wild card in the situation too.

If I know my wife, I can tell when she likes someone and she thinks you're the bee's knees. Really?

Yeah, everybody... You're loved.

I want you to stop moping around like a little bitch, you take that thing, you own it, you get the fuck out there and you show me what the fuck you're made out of.

You're a stud! You're a stud horse, Alex.

Don't you ever forget that. Okay.

All right? Okay.

I'm serious. Yeah. I'm a stud horse.

You're a stud horse.

Ladies and ladies, can I have your full attention, please?

Whoo!

Girls, get the biggest towel you got, 'cause your pussies are about to be dripping wet.

Prepare yourselves to bear witness to the beautiful, the lovely, the one, the only...

Alex!


Woo-hoo!

Yes, yes, yes!

Whoo!

Oh, my God!

Yes! Yes!

That was fucking fun!

Thank you! Thanks!

Whoo!

Your husband is a really great man.

Yes! Whoo!

Whoo!


I feel like I just gave birth to myself.

And...

Honey... Yeah?

I am very happy for you that you were able to have your little, you know, like, breakthrough over there, but I think we've reached that point in the evening where we should leave before anything crazy happens.

What are you talking about? We can't leave. Sweetie...

I'm just telling you this because I don't think that you'll firing on all cylinders right now.

I'm not only firing on all cylinders, I am firing on cylinders I didn't even know I had.

Honey, I'm pretty sure that we have moved from, uh, free wheeling, sort of California vibe to more of a swinger vibe.

That's what it feels like to me.

Oh! No, I... I don't... think so at all, like...

I mean, I, I...

I really went through something over there.

Feel like more confident than I've ever felt in my entire life.

It's... It's... It's...

It feels so good, hun.

Well, I mean, of course, you're feeling good right now.

You're drunk and you're stoned.

Well, you're drunk and stoned, too.

I am drunk and stoned, but I am not the one who was dancing around with my pants off.

Well, there you go. Maybe that's the problem. Maybe that's what you should do.

Excuse me? Maybe you should get naked.

Alex, I don't really think that this is a box you want to open right now.

Okay, what I'm saying is I... I love my dick.

Okay. Do you understand how big a deal it is for me to say that?

Okay. Like I really feel that. Like I love it.

I mean, Kurt brought me to this place where I can actually say something like that, and that's, that's huge!

You think I want to leave this place right now?

That's crazy. I mean, I feel like this is so good for our sex life, for our everything.

Emily...

I am expanding tonight.

Maybe you should expand too. It might be good for you.

We're out, guys. Looks like we're gonna need a booze run.

Emily, you wanna come with?

Yeah. -I know a place that's open all night.

Okay.

Will you get me something brown and hardcore?

I think I'm going for the hard stuff now. It's that time of night.

Char, there's like five bottles of whiskey back there.

Yeah. I know.

Are you coming?

We're in our most downward facing dog style positions.

Somehow she's able to reach around and do it from the back.

I mean, that is an extremely flexible woman. No doubt.

Yeah, I could only last three or four minutes before I lost it completely.

It was like her pussy was grabbing me.

I hate to throw her under the bus.

You've never seen anything like it before. Oh, my God!

I feel like crazy, nasty sex is a mandatory class at French college or something.

Whoa! I mean...

There's nothing we haven't tried.

Charlotte, why am I driving your car?

Oh! I don't know how to drive.

Oh.

Are you gonna tell me where we're going? It's a secret.

Now, you're like me. You're a married man. Oh, yeah!

Right? Yeah, yeah, totally.

It's like that expression, "Show me a guy with a beautiful wife, I'll show you a guy who's tired to making love to her."

I think what I'm trying to say is that...

I mean, isn't it okay for us to fantasize at this stage in our lives and relationships? I mean, aren't we entitled to a little bit of that?

Yeah.

It's okay for you to want to think about doing other things and in some cases, consider doing those things.

Right.

You know.

You only live once. Yeah.

This way.


OK. I've got something to show you.

All you've gotta do is look through here.

I'll be quick.

Charlotte, you're not gonna tell me what the fuck is going on right now?

Shh! Don't ruin the surprise.

What surprise?

Charlotte, where are you going?

This is pretty weird.

Charlotte? Charlotte?

Are you fucking... Are you kidding me?

Charlotte? Charlotte?


I-I knew you wouldn't come if I had told you where we were going.

I'm kind of out of my mind right now, Charlotte.

I mean, that was... That was... That was nuts, what happened in there, right?

Try being married for ten years, and then you'll tell me what's nuts.

That doesn't make any sense to me. I've seen you guys together. You have insane sex chemistry.

I wish.

I mean...

Does Kurt know about this? No.

Why should he?

It wouldn't change anything.

Anyway, it's a bummer, 'cause...

Kurt has a lot to offer. As I'm sure, you saw.

Yeah.

You know I'm the only guy Emily's ever been with?

No shit? Yeah.

I mean, I guess she's satisfied. I mean, she says she has everything she needs under one roof, so...

What?

Come on. You're not... What?

Well, it's just, you know...

Well, a woman is always gonna wonder what's going on next to her.

They're just sometimes scared to admit it.

Scared to open that delicious little box.

What took so long? Was the journey a success?

Yeah. The place I usually go to was closed, so, we had to bounce around a bit.

All right. Did you get the stuff?

Yeah, I did. Let's see.

Hey. Hi.

Hey, honey. Hey.

Honey. Honey. What?

There's some seriously weird shit just went down out there. What now?

What do you... What do you mean, "What now?"

I mean, you think everything's weird tonight. So, what now?

I don't think everything's weird tonight. You know what?

You brought me to California, okay? Uh-huh.

So I'm trying to make the best of it and you're just shitting all over it.

Alex. What?

Alex, you're really being kind of a dick right now.

I'm trying...

Daddy, Mama!

You know what? Don't worry about it. I'll get it.

Okay. -Daddy will get that.

You sure? Yeah.

All right. You go boy!

Hey, if it's Max who's crying and he doesn't remember you, just remind him who you are.

Emily, can I get you a stiff one?

Please.


Oh, my God!

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Yes. It's fine.

Can I talk to you?

Mm-hmm. Of course.

Come and sit on my bed.

Yeah, yeah, okay.

Okay.

Right now?

Huh.

This is, uh... You got a couch and a...

Like a love seat type thing, I think that's... It must be handy...

Yeah, yeah.

You know, depending on what mood you're in, I guess, for...

For reading a novel or something, I would imagine it's really cozy.

Yeah, and you're wearing the perfect outfit.

This cozy robe.

That's right.

And these ones here, they just came to me in a dream one night.

What happened was like, I woke up one morning and bam, a voice fucking yelling in my ears. Kurt...

Yes, ma'am? I don't wanna talk about your paintings any more.

What do you wanna talk about? I wanna talk about you.

And I wanna talk about your wife.

And I wanna talk about what is going on here.

Okay.

What do you do?

You are a salesman of water filters?

And you can somehow afford this house doing that?

Or do you make all this money selling these paintings?

Which, Kurt, I've gotta say, what are they?

Are they supposed to be close-ups of assholes or what?

That's so funny. Both you and your husband got that immediately.

Huh.

I feel like I need to clear some things up for you.

Yes. Please do. Clarity sounds just great to me.

In some places, Nordic places, where the winters are cold and long and it gets dark early, people like to masturbate to this.

And not only this, but lots of the titles that we have available on our Mommy's Milk series.

I'm here to present you the new Breast Pumpadella 2000.

You know, I can see in Kurt's eyes that he really enjoys both of you.

Especially you.

Yeah? Mm.

I think you're gonna be his new buddy.

That's great. Thank you. Yeah.

Emily and I are gonna be buddies too.

Don't you think so?

Yeah. I mean, I hope so.

I'm sorry if she's like...

Like tight or something. Mm-hmm.

Do you know what I mean? Yes, a little bit.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, I've been encouraging her to loosen up.

Yeah.

But there's only so much you can do, you know. Yeah.

Yeah, I can totally understand that. Yeah.

Yeah.

But, uh...

Yeah, 'cause I really like her.

Oh, cool!

That's great.

I really like her. Cool, cool, cool. Yeah. Yeah.

Well... And I like you too, Alex.

Yeah. Thanks.

Do you like me? Yeah.

Yeah. I mean, you know...

Do you find me attractive? Yeah.

Yeah? Sure, yeah.

Really? Yeah.

Of course. I mean, you're very attractive.

Do you think that, um, if we weren't already married, that I could be someone, uh, with whom you'd wanna have sex?

Uh, well...

Yes.

Yeah. Mm-hmm?

But, you know, we can't, so...

Mm.

The milk is then filtered from the breast shield into the retainer.

What we have produced, so beautiful.

Nurturing milk for the little baby to enjoy.

Kurt... Ah, Sun Tzu.

This is pretty fucked up.

Come on, Emily. The internet's a vast sea of depravity. You know that.

What we're producing simply fulfills a niche without anybody getting hurt.

No harm, no foul... So you're telling me that there are hundreds of strange Nordic men masturbating to your wife and you have no problem with that?

No, I don't.

And Charlotte has no problem with that?

Something tells me you would know that Charlotte doesn't have a problem with that.

We're buddies.

Yeah, yeah. We're buddies. So, we can't...

We're buddies. Yeah.

We're buddies. We're buddies.

Whoo!

You are tense, sweetheart. You're really tense. I know, I-I...

I thought we wanted to loosen up. Sorry.

Yeah, no, I do, I want to loosen up, but I guess I'm just wondering what loosen up means at this point.

It's just a friends' kiss.

It's just a friends' kiss? Mm-hmm.

It's just a friends' kiss.

It's just a friends' kiss. Yeah.

Hello? Guys?

Alex?

Honey? Guys?

Alex?

Oh! That's the spot.

What did that sound like to you? Don't know.

Oh, there they are. Oh, hey, honey!

I just want to say, I think you're right. I think there is something weird going on here.

Oh, yeah, no shit. I have seen that woman give massages before.

What?

Alex, she gave some random guy a fucking hand job at the massage parlor.

You guys went to a massage parlor? When did you do that?

I can't even... Just...

Were you gonna let her touch you down there?

Honey! Absolutely not. I was just saying that I think you're right.

I think they do wanna, like, swing with us or something, and that is pretty crazy.

Well, lucky you. See? You got your expansion now, right?

This is what you wanted all night! That's not what I meant by expansion.

I was talking about getting crazy with friends and meeting new people and having fun and maybe getting drunk or whatever.

I didn't mean, like, fucking-other-people expansion.

That's not what I...

But you can't tell me you wouldn't have liked it, okay?

I can't... I mean, that's irrelevant. I don't think it is.

Yes, it is. I don't think that that's irrelevant at all.

Why not? Stop! Let's just be brutally honest here for a second.

Okay. Okay?

Ooh! What would have happened if she had grabbed for your cock and I hadn't of been there, huh?

I wouldn't have allowed it.

Because you wouldn't have liked it if she had done it?

Because I'm married to you, I wouldn't have allowed it. It's simple, so...

Oh, my God, isn't that the perfect answer?

Well, I don't know, maybe it is the perfect answer.

That tells me, that tells me... What you just said tells me that the desire is still there.

That tells me that a part of you thinks about what it would be like to be with other women.

Come on! I mean... Honey...

Oh, my God! Not that I think you would act on it. I mean, I trust you, I do, I really do. I really...

I really trust you, but I think it just...

It bothers me so much that that curiosity is there and it may never go away.

It just might always live... live there.

Curi... I never said I was curious.

Honey, I never said I was curious.

Oh, wait a second.

I'm really tired. Oh!

I'm feeling really tired. Oh! No, no, no.

Let's just get out... This is not the time for... No, no, no...

This is actually about you, isn't it?

Honey, let's just get out of here. This is about you.

This isn't about me, this is about you. You've been putting it all on me all night.

What? You're the one that's been thinking about this, isn't it?

The moment he whipped that thing out, you haven't been able to stop thinking about it.

You're curious... Maybe I am curious, okay?

Oh, really? Really? Maybe I am.

I feel that it's weird that we have to jerk off next to each other come.

And I really think that it sucks that you lust after another woman's breasts This is a real thing and I don't think that we can deny it.

I think that you think about other women and I think about other men.

Alex? Do you wanna fuck my wife?

Stop it, Alex! I'm not gonna stop it. I want to know.

Do you wanna fuck my wife?

Because I'm telling you, she wants to fuck you.

Oh! She does.

I think you're a little off-base here, Alex. You think I'm off-base?

Are you serious? -Yeah.

Kurt!

Tell me, why did you show us your dick down at the pool?

Okay. Your giant cock!

Why did you show that to us? Why did you show my wife your big dick?

And then why did you have me stand next to you with my tiny dick?

Do you think I'm an idiot?

And what? What does this mean? I get Charlotte now? So me and Charlotte?

Is that cool? -Alex! No!

Is that why you showed us that weird video of you showing your tits to us?

We like you both very much. Is that what this is?

But we didn't want this to be weird.

Oh, you didn't want it to be weird.

No. Oh, okay.

My mistake because, you're right, this isn't weird. This is fine, so...

Now that it's not weird, honey, why don't you lay down? You have to take your clothes off.

What do you want? Missionary? Let's do it right here. Kurt? You know...

Why don't you get out your big old cock and just shove it right in her?

That's enough. How about that?

That's enough. You don't have to do circles anymore, hun, because it's big. We've all seen it. He doesn't want her, Alex!

He wants you!

What?

He wants you.

Oh!

We still love each other very, very much, but we've been together for a long time and things have changed.

I don't know why, but, you know, step by step, Kurt's desire for me just disappeared and, uh, he seemed to want something that I-I couldn't give him.

When he saw you this morning at the playground, he saw sweetness on your faces and he thought that maybe this could be the solution.

For both of us.

Isn't there like a web community for something like this?

No, we've never done this before.

Could have fooled us. Yeah.

Then you think that we're doing a smooth job of this?

Does it look like we do this all the time?

Yeah. Kind of.

It's our first time.

It's just a total mistake.

It just doesn't make any sense.

It's obvious that you love each other so much.

Yeah.

She's my best friend. We just don't have a love life.

Yeah. We stay together for everything else.

Max, the house, the water filter company.

I'm sorry, I feel like a dick.

Why do you feel like a dick? Well...

You're not a dick. You're not, you know, you just didn't know.

You got excited.

And I wasn't putting my dick next to your dick to, like, do anything, I was just dancing with you, man.

All right, thanks.

Think about this. Less than 24 hours ago, we were a park together as complete strangers.

That's true. It is.

Now we're here and you're in one of my robes.

You have so many robes, by the way. -I know.

We got them in bulk. There's enough for all of us.

How many did you buy? 12.

12 robes? I got a 12-pack of robes.

Oh, my God! -That was a good one.

Hey, Charlotte. Tell us how... How did you lose your virginity?

I feel like you would have been like on an island in southern France with a pencil thin mustachioed aristocrat or something.

Look at you, Why do you stereotype so much?

Because I'm racist.

Exactly. Well, you're not that far, but it was a farm boy.

On an island in southern France?

On an island, in the south of France. Are you serious?

Yeah... So I totally got it right.

What about you, Emily? How did you lose your virginity?

Um...

Alex is the first, uh, person...

Person I ever slept with.

He was your farm boy.

I'm your farm boy. He was my farm boy.

I am a farm boy. He still is my farm boy.

Are you my... You're my, kind of like my farm boy? Mm-hmm.

He'll always be me farm boy.

Where would you want to go anywhere in the world?

You know, I really wanna see... I've never been to Thailand.

I've gone. -I hear they have beautiful beaches.

Did you guys ever see that movie The Beach with Leonardo...

I love that movie... Oh, that makes me not wanna go to Thailand.

They shot it there, right? Yeah, they did.

That's all I have to say. Can I say something that is so weird?

Can I just say something, and not to keep bringing up, like kicking a dead horse here?

Yeah. But...

The whole water filter thing came from watching the movie The Beach.

What?

I said, "Why can't they drink water like we can? Whoa!

From The Beach?

That movie? -What does he say?

And I just brought that movie up?

Too weird. That's so crazy.

Guys, I think this night was sort of meant to be. That's like...

There's a lot of synchronicity. Our stars right now are a constellation.

I know... Yes.

What would our constellation be called?

Oh, shit! What time is it?

I have my phone.

What? 4:00? 5:00? 4:00?

You guys!

It's almost 6:00 a.m. -What?

All right. This has been fun.

I have to work today. -Oh, God.

I have to go to work today.

I know, we gotta go.

Really, time to go.

So, this is it. We're gonna call it?

Yeah, I think so. Yeah.

Uh, that can't be the last time we get together.

Oh, no way! We'll... We'll do something. Yeah.

Hm, yeah, certainly the strangest night of my life.

But it's also been very... expanding.

Yeah. I feel good. I mean, I'm exhausted, but I feel good.

Yeah, me too. Mm. Me three.

Count me in.

All right.

Good night. Thank you.

Thank you very much.

You... you... I'm sorry. Emily?

So many hugs. Yeah, I know. You're welcome.

Hey, group hug. Yes.

Okay.

Hmm.

Hmm.

Thank you. -This is nice.

Mmm. It's really nice.

It's nice.


Mommy!

Mommy!

Shit! Under the covers!

Mommy? -Oh, hey, guys, hey!

Wow! Morning! How'd you guys sleep, huh?

Hey, who wants breakfast? -Me!

Let's go. I'll get it for you.

Come on, it's a beautiful day.

Were you guys wrestling?

Fuck! -Yeah, we were just wrestling.

Who won? It was a tie.

God! Get your...

Get dressed! Get dressed! Get dressed! Get...


- Medium dogs are pussies. No, I saw the other day...

Okay.

But earlier today, did you not see the schnauzer that was here earlier?

Yeah. You know what a...

Yeah, I like... His hair, it's hypoallergenic.

I enjoy a good schnauzer every now and again.

Yeah, but I think that could be fun. They're not small...

But are you hearing...

Are you hearing me when I say if you're gonna get a dog, you should get a dog.

Go big or go home. Yes.

I want RJ to grow up with a big dog.

Oh, my gosh, do you see them? Oh, shit! Holy...

...Okay.

Do you think it's time to do this? I guess so.

Should we go say hi? I mean, it was inevitable, right, so...

Do they see us? Now they did.

Yeah, all right. Get up.

Hey, guys... -Hey!

You don't write, you don't call, you're breaking my heart.

Sorry, I'm just kidding, dumb joke.

How are ya? Good.

Good. Yeah. How are you guys?

Oh, it's good, it's really... We're in therapy.

Okay. Yeah.

Sorry to be the one to cut the crap here, but...

Basically we've decided to give the marriage another chance.

Mm-hmm. We've been able to sort through a ton of stuff.

That sounds great. We've got you guys to thank for that.

Yeah. Without that experience we'd be lost, really.

Really. Thank you, you walked us down the aisle to this moment.

It was a crazy experience. Uh-huh.

But it was, you know... Yeah.

It was valuable. Yes.

It's good to see you guys. Thank you, you too.

Yeah. Yeah, you've changed something in your face.

You know, it wasn't very California. -Yeah.

After a while, I was like, I don't see anyone else doing this. Right.

Maybe I should stop, so... -Right.

You know, I was planning on calling you guys. I, you know...

I was thinking about that. I just wasn't quite sure what to say.

So... Don't worry about it.

We should grab dinner or something.

Totally. You know?

Yeah, we should, maybe at your house this time.

Yeah, you could come, or we could go to a restaurant this time?

We found some great places. Totally. Yeah.

Looks like the boys have kind of picked up where they last left off.

Yes.

Gettin' dirty. Shall we say hi?

Let's go say hi.

Yeah. Yeah.

So, uh...

Sold all my art. All of it?

Yep. Who bought that?

My wife.