The Parent Trap (1998) Script

'L' is for the way you look at me

'O' is for the only one I see

'V' is very, very extraordinary

'E' is even more than anyone that you adore can Love is all that I can give to you Love is more than just a game for two Two in love can make it Take my heart and please don't break it Love was made for me and you


Love is all that I can give to you Love is more than just a game for two Two in love can make it Take my heart and please don't break it Love was made for me and you


'L' is for the way you look at me

'O' is for the only one I see

'V' is very, very extraordinary

'E' is even more than anyone that you adore can Love is all that I can give to you Love is more than just a game...

How about a souvenir picture?

Can you turn towards each other?

Love was made for me and you Love was made for me and you


My God, my phone just does not work out here.

Oh, my God. How are we ever going to live?

Thanks!

There's a counselor. Excuse me, can you tell me where the Navajo bunk is?

It's right over there. You can't miss it.

Welcome to Camp Walden. I'm Marva Kulp, your camp director.

Now, girls, let's find our duffels as quickly as we can.

We have a big first day ahead of us.

I'm going to turn the bullhorn over now to my daughter and right-hand man, Marva Junior. Marva, bunk assignments, if you please.

All right, ladies, here we go. Listen up. We got Berg, Kate - Iroquois.

Berg, Lily - Chickasaw.

Wait a minute. I thought this was a boys' camp.

Boys?

OK. Found my duffel.

Now the question is, how do I get it out?

OK, I can do it.

OK, no, I can't.

You must be new. How can you tell?

You didn't know how to grab your duffel before the apes tossed it into the heap.

I would say you need some serious help. Thanks. It's the big yellow one.

Whoa.

Now that's my kind of woman. Yo, tie-dye girl!

Could you give me a hand with my duffel? It's the yellow one buried way in there.

Sure.

Oh, that? No problem.

Hey. You're from California?

Do you, like, live in Hollywood?

Do you, like, live next door to a movie star?

What are you two, Lucy and Ethel? I've never even been to Hollywood.

I live in Napa - that's in Northern California - and I live next door to a vineyard.

A what yard? A vineyard.

It's where you grow grapes to make wine.

That's what we do, me and my dad. We own a vineyard.

Parker, Hallie! Right here.

Arapaho. That's what I am.

Yes.

Come on, you guys.

So, either of you by any chance know how to play poker?

No, never played it before.

No? Gee, what a shame.

So, how much cash did you guys bring with you this summer?

Whoa. Who is in there?

Okay, Arapahos. Come on, let's go!

Well, here we are.

Camp Walden for girls.

We traveled all the way from London for this?

It's rather picturesque, don't you think?

Not exactly the term I think I would have used.

Right. Shall we review your mother's list?

Mm-hm. Now, let's see.

Vitamins? Check.

Minerals? Check.

List of daily fruits and vegetables. Check, check.

Check for fruits, check for vegetables. Go on.

Sunblock, lip balm, insect repellent. Stationery, stamps.

Photographs of your mother, grandfather and, of course, your trusty butler, me.

Got it all, I think.

Oh, and here's a little something from your grandfather.

Spanking new deck of cards.

Maybe you'll actually find somebody on this continent who can whip your tush at poker.

Well, I doubt it, but thanks. And thanks for bringing me here, Martin.

Now, you remember, if you change your mind and want me to come here and collect you at the end of camp, I'm only a phone call away. Thanks, but I'll be fine.

Really. See you in eight weeks, Marty, old pal.

Missing you already, queen of my heart.

Have fun, old bean. I will.

Toodle-oo. Toodle-oo.

Airport, please.

Such a feeling coming over me There is wonder in the things I see Not a cloud in the sky Got the sun in my eyes...

Mom, mom! Are you there? Pick up! Mom!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, girls. Slow down.

You've got to have some too, OK?

It smells good.

I'll save you a seat, Annie. OK. Thanks.

Excuse me, girls. I've just got to have a scoop of these gorgeous strawberries.

Would you care for some, dear? Oh, no, thanks. I can't. I'm allergic.

Oh, that's too bad. How about you, dear? Strawberries?

Oh, sorry. I wish I could, but I can't. I'm allergic.

Yes, allergic. You just told me that. How did you get over there?

Oh, well.

First day of camp. You'll have to excuse the old girl.

At least I'm not putting salt in the sugar shakers.

Well, I mean, you know... sugar in the salt shakers.

Now, where did she go?

Touché.

Good job.

All right, excellent, kids.

The winner and still undefeated champ from Napa, California, Miss Hallie Parker.

Do we have any challengers?

Oh, come on, ladies. Let's not be damsels in distress here.

I'll take a whack at it. OK.

We've got ourselves a challenger.

Thanks.

Here I go.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Go, Annie.

Fencers ready?

Ready.

All set.

En garde. Fence.


Touché!

Nice catch. Thanks.

Touché.

Sorry. Let me help you. No, let me help you.

What'd you do that for? Me? You pushed me in.

I did not. OK.

That was quite a show.

All right. I think we've got ourselves a new camp champ.

From London, England, Miss Annie James.

All right, girls. Shake hands.

Come on, girls.

They look alike. Look at them.

Why's everyone staring? Don't you see it?

See what? The resemblance between us.

Resemblance? Between you and me?

Let me see. Turn sideways.

Now the other way.

Well, your eyes are much closer together than mine.

Your ears... well, don't worry, you'll grow into them.

Your teeth are a little crooked.

Oh, and that nose. Well, don't worry, dear. Those things can be fixed.

Want me to deck her for you? Hold on. I'm not quite finished yet.

You want to know the real difference between us?

Let me see. I know how to fence and you don't?

Or I have class and you don't?

Take your pick. Why, I oughta...

Ladies, it's time to break up this little lovefest.

Annie, Hallie. I mean, Hallie, Annie... I mean, whoa.

Sorry, ladies. Two pair. Read 'em and weep.

I'm out.

So that's it? No more takers? I've nothing left.

I'll take a whack at it.

Take a seat, Parker.

Deal me in.

Well, on the day I was born The nurses all gathered 'round And they gazed in wide wonder At the joy they had found The head nurse spoke up Said leave this one alone She could tell right away That I was bad to the bone Bad to the bone

Tell you what I'm gonna do. I'll make you a little deal.

Loser jumps into the lake after the game. Excellent.

Butt naked.

Even more excellent.

Start unzipping, Parker.

Straight in diamonds.

You're good, James.

But... you're just not good enough.

In your honor, a royal flush.

Love the birthday suit. Looking good!

Grab her clothes.

Right. Fine.

If that's the way you want it, then let the games begin.

I swear I heard your evil clone sneezing all the way across the mess hall this morning.

I am so tired. I am going back into bed and sleeping till lunch.

That does not seem like a possibility, babe.

Why not? That's why not.

No way.

Sh.

Oh, I hope they're sleeping.

The coast is clear. OK, come on.

Payback time. Don't wake her up.

Careful.

Got milk?


Ugh!

Ew. Ew. Eew...

Oh, my God.

She didn't get me.

Whoaaa!

That girl is without a doubt the lowest, most awful creature that ever walked the planet.

Thank you, thank you very much.

Morning, girls. Morning, Marvas.

Marvas?

Surprise inspection. Attention.

Navajos.

No, no, Marva. Do not go in there.

One of the girls got sick last night and it is a big, big mess.

Save yourself the aggravation, it's really disgusting.

Oh, well, if someone's sick, dear, then I must go in.

Move aside, dear.

No, really, I insist. I can't let you go in there.

She's highly contagious. Honest.

Actually, we're all quite fine in here, unless Hallie Parker knows something we don't know.

Really, I insist. Open the door and come see for yourself, ma'am.

Stand aside, Hallie.

No!

I told you it was a mess in here.

She should know, she did it.

You and you... pack your bags!


OK, girls. The rest of you, back to your activities.

You two... the isolation cabin.


Oh.

Oh, gosh, it's stuck.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Oh, man.

Oh, here's your...

Cuppy.

Any of your pictures ruined? Only the beautiful Leo DiCaprio.

Who? You've never heard of Leonardo DiCaprio?

How far away is London, anyway?

Well, from here it's 3,000 miles, but sometimes it seems much further.

How far away is your home?

California's way at the other end of the country.

Actually, here's a picture of my house.

Wow, it's beautiful. Yeah. We built it when I was little.

We've got this incredible porch that looks over the entire vineyard and then...

Who's that? Oh, that's my dad.

He didn't know I was taking the picture then or else he'd have turned around.

He's kind of like my best friend. We do everything together.

What's the matter? It's chilly in here, that's all.

Want one? Oh, sure. I love Oreos.

At home I eat them with peanut butter.

You do? That is so weird. So do I.

You're kidding? Most people find that totally disgusting.

I know. I don't get it. Me either.

What's your dad like? I mean, is he the kind of father you can talk to or is he one of those workaholic types who says, "I'll talk to you later, honey," but, you know, never really does? I hate that.

I don't have a father, actually.

I mean, I had one once, I suppose, but my parents divorced years ago.

My mother never even mentions him.

It's like he evaporated into thin air or something.

It's scary the way nobody stays together anymore.

Tell me about it.

How old are you? I'll be 12 on October 11.

So will I. Your birthday's on October 11?

Yeah. How weird is that?

Extremely.

Oh, hey, it's stopped raining.

Want to go get a Popsicle or something?

What's the matter? Hallie, what's your mother like?

I never met her. She and my dad split up when I was a baby. Maybe even before.

I'm not sure. He doesn't like to talk about her.

But I know she was really, really beautiful.

How do you know that?

Well, because my dad had this old picture of her hidden in his sock drawer.

He caught me looking at it, like, all the time so he gave it to me to keep.

Look, I'm really thirsty.

Sure you don't want to go to the mess hall and get a lemonade or something?

Will you stop thinking about your stomach at a time like this?

At a time like what? Don't you realize what's happening?

I mean, think about it.

I only have a mother and you only have a father.

You've never seen your mum and I've never seen my dad.

You have one old picture of your mum and I have one old picture of my dad.

But at least yours is probably a whole picture, mine's a pathetic little thing all crinkled all crinkled and ripped right down the middle and...

What are you rummaging in your trunk for?

This. It's the picture of my mom.

And it's ripped too.

Right down the middle? Right down the middle.

This is so freaky.

OK.

On the count of three, we'll show them to each other, OK?

OK.

One.

Two.

Three.

That's my dad. That's my mum.

That's the lunch bell.

I'm not so hungry anymore.

So, if your mom is my mom and my dad is your dad, and we were both born on October 11, then you and I are, like, sisters.

Sisters? Hallie, we're, like, twins.

I just don't know what to say.

What's that you're holding? My locket. I got it when I was born.

It has an H on it.

I got mine when I was born too, except mine has an A on it.

Now I've got goose bumps.

My God, so I'm not an only child, I'm a twin.

I'm a twin. There's two of me, I mean, two of us.

This is, like... Mind-boggling.

Totally. Completely.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Tell me, what's Mom like?

Well, she designs wedding gowns.

Really?

She's becoming quite famous, actually.

A princess in Greece just bought one of her gowns.

Wow.

You know what's interesting?

Neither one of our parents ever got married again.

Has Dad ever been close to getting remarried?

Never. He always says I'm the only girl in his life.

Yeah. Mum's never come close either.

I have a brilliant, beyond brilliant, idea.

I'm serious, I am a total genius.

You want to know what Dad is like, right? Right.

And I'm dying to know Mom, so what I'm thinking is... Don't freak out, OK?

I think we should switch places.

When camp's over, I'll go back to London as you and you go back to California as me. What?

Annie, we can pull it off. We're twins, aren't we?

Hallie, we're totally and completely, 100 percent different.

So? What's the problem? I'll teach you to be me and you teach me to be you.

Look, I can do you already.

Yes. You want to know the difference between us?

I have class and you don't.

Come on, Annie. I gotta meet my ma.

The truth is, you know, if we switch, sooner or later they'll have to unswitch us.

And when they do they'll have to meet again, face-to-face.

After all these years.

Thank you. I told you I'm brilliant.

OK. This is Grandfather.

He's so cute. What do we call him?

Grandfather. Why didn't I think of that?

This is Martin. He's our butler.

We have a butler? Mm-hm.

OK. Living room's first, then over here is the dining room.

But we never eat in there except for Thanksgiving and Christmas and, of course, October 11.

Talkin' 'bout magic Do you believe in magic Do you believe, believe Do you believe in magic

OK.

I'm ready.


Don't shut your eyes. Oh. OK. Right.

Sorry. Just got a little nervous.

You're nervous? An 11-year-old is cutting my hair.

Hey, you sounded just like me. Well, I'm supposed to, aren't I?

Go on, just do it.

Don't panic. You look great.

Looking good.

This is so scary.

Honey, you never looked better.

Oh, my God.

What?

I have pierced ears.

No. No, no and no. Not happening.

Sorry, wrong number. I won't. I refuse. Then cutting your hair was a total waste

'cause, I mean, there's no way I can go to camp with pierced ears and come home without them. I mean, come on. Get real.

Needle sterilized. You sure you know what you're doing?

Relax. I've gone with all my friends to get their ears pierced. It's nothing.

Just close your eyes and it'll be over before you know it.

Earring ready? Yes.

Good. Hand me the apple.

Thank you. Just relax. I'm telling you, this is not a big deal.

On the count of three, remove the ice.

One. Two.

Three.

Girls, time to say your last goodbyes. The buses are loading.

I'll see you guys next summer. I promise.

OK. So call me every single day. All right, and write me. Don't forget.

OK. This is it.

So remember, you're going to find out how Mum and Dad met.

And you're going to find out why they broke up.

Annie James, your car is here.

That's you. Here's your ticket and passport.

Martin will pick you up at the airport tomorrow morning.

What time do you leave? Oh, not for a couple of hours.

Give Mum a kiss for me. And give Dad one for me.

Annie James. Front and center.

Bye.

Last call, Annie James.

Bye-bye. Bye.

Good luck.

OK. This is it.

God, I hope she likes me.

Please like me.

Please.


Annie! Martin!

Missed you. Missed you.

What have you done to your hair? Cut it. Do you like it?

Love it. It's the new you.

And you've had your ears pierced.

Give me five, girlfriend.

There she goes There she goes again Racing through my brain And I just can't contain This feeling that remains

There she goes There she goes again She calls my name


Home again. Thank you.

This is it. 7 Pembroke Lane.


Hello?


Grandfather?

I'm home. Is that my little girl?

That tall gangly thing?

Yes. It's me. Oh.

Welcome home.

Did you have a good time, sweet pea? Uh-huh. Great.

What are you doing?

Just smelling. Smelling?

I'm making a memory. Oh.

Years from now, when I'm all grown-up, I'll always remember my grandfather and how he always smelt of... peppermint and pipe tobacco.

Good to have you back. Annie?

Annie?

Mother. You're back!

I can't believe it's you. And I can't believe it's you.

And with short hair. Who cut it for you?

A girl I met at camp. Do you hate it?

No, I absolutely love it.

You got your ears pierced?

Well, are there any other surprises? Bellybutton rings? Tattoos?

Oh, darling, what is it?

I'm sorry. It's just I've missed you so much.

I know. It seems like it's been forever.

You have no idea.

So, come on, tell me. Did you like everyone? Was it fun?

Ah, Martin.

I found a stowaway in your suitcase.

Oh, my God, Cuppy. Cuppy?

He belongs to my friend. The one I was telling you about.

I can't imagine how he got into my suitcase.

Well, since he's not our Cuppy, shall we dispose of the little creature?

No!

I mean, no. I'll mail him to her.

She loves this thing a lot. A lot, a lot.

She's, like, slept with this thing her entire life and she could never be, like, say, in a foreign country without him.

No, no. I'll take care of it. That will be all, Martin. Thank you.

Hello?

Oh, hi. How's the photo shoot going?

Well, can't you manage without me? I mean, Annie just got home from camp.

Here comes the sun Here comes the sun And I say it's all right

Little darling...

OK. Hold on a moment.

Annie, would you hate very much running down to the studio with me?

No, I'd love it.

Here comes the sun Here comes the sun I say it's all right

Little darling The smile's returning to their faces Little darling It seems like years since it's been here Here comes the sun Wow.

That's incredible. You designed that?

I had to do something while you were at camp.

You don't think it's too...? No, it's gorgeous. I love it.

You know who would look really beautiful in that gown?

I mean, like, really beautiful.

Who? You.

Me? You know what, I think that time change has made you a little loopy.

Come on. Let's see what all the fuss is about.

OK. I'm here. Ah, we're saved.

Hi, Vendela. Hi.

Sorry, we don't know what to do with the veil.

If she wears it it covers the back of the dress and if she doesn't, the dress looks... Incomplete. You're right.

Can you try turning sideways with your chin up?

Yeah. I see the problem. Can I have the veil? Annie, darling?

Pass me one of those hats on display in the window.

Me? Yes.

Which one do you like? The white one.

Me too.

Try this. Now throw the veil straight back.

That's it. Now spin around, I want to see the back of the dress.

That's beautiful. Did you get that? Just how it falls just down there.

Don't worry about the bouquet. You're married now, you've got to learn to juggle. Don't forget to look happy.

It is your wedding day.

My mom is too cool.

I'll never let you go I'll never let you go

Never let you go I'll never let you go So, doesn't designing all these wedding gowns ever make you think about getting married again, or at least make you think about the F-word?

The F-word? My father.

Oh, that F-word. Well, no, actually, because I didn't even wear a wedding gown when I married the F-word.

You didn't? Why not?

Why the sudden curiosity about your dad, huh?

Well, maybe because he's never mentioned, and you can't blame a kid for wondering.

Mother, you can't avoid the subject forever.

At least tell me what he was like.

OK. He was quite lovely, to tell you the truth.

When we met he was actually entirely lovely.

All right? All right.

So did you meet him here in London?

We met on the QE2. QE what?

The Queen Elizabeth 2. It's an ocean liner that sails from London to New York.

'Cause I wasn't keen on flying then and neither was your father.

We met our first night on board ship. We were seated next to each other at dinner.

He's an American, you know. No kidding?

So, was it love at first sight?

I knew you were going to ask me all these questions one day. Taxi!

Dear old Dad. I wonder what he's doing at this very moment.

Thanks.

Oh, gosh. It's him.

Hey, Hal!

Welcome home, kiddo.

Get into these arms, you little punk. Dad.

Finally.

Oh, I hope you had a lousy time at that camp because you are not going back.

I missed you too much.

What happened to you, Hal?

Something's changed.

Are you getting taller?

So, what's up, Dad?

I mean, how's Chessy and everybody?

Great. Everybody's great. Can't wait to see you.

Eight weeks really is too long, Hal. A lot's been happening around here.

A lot's happened to me too, Dad.

I mean, I feel like I'm practically a new woman.

What's the matter? I cut myself shaving?

No, it's just... just seeing you for the first time.

I mean, you know... in so long.

You look taller to me too, Dad.

Come on, squirt. Let's get home.

Oh, by the way, thanks for all those newsy letters.

I'm really glad I bought you all that personalized stationery you just had to have.

We meant to write, Dad, but we just... "We?"

Oh, me and my friend. I met this girl at camp and we got really close.

Great.

Practically like sisters.

She was a lovely girl. "Lovely girl?"

What, all of a sudden you're so proper?

Still biting those nails, I see. Dad, you noticed!

What do you mean, "noticed?" You've been biting them since you could chew.

But I've decided to stop, Dad. It's a horrid habit.

"Lovely girl," "horrid habit."

What did I do, send you to summer camp or finishing school?

And why do you keep saying "Dad" at the end of every sentence?

I'm sorry. I didn't realize I was doing it, Dad.

Sorry, Dad.

Do you want to know why I keep saying "Dad?" The truth?

'Cause you missed your old man so much, right?

Exactly.

It's because in my whole life - I mean, you know, for the past eight weeks -

I was never able to say the word "Dad." Never. Not once.

And if you ask me, a dad is an irreplaceable person in a girl's life.

Think about it. There's a whole day devoted to celebrating fathers.

Just imagine someone's life without a father.

Never buying a Father's Day card.

Never sitting on their father's lap.

Never being able to say, "Hi, Dad!" or, "What's up, Dad?" or, "Catch you later, Dad."

I mean, a baby's first words are always "Dada," aren't they?

Let me see if I get this. You missed being able to call me "Dad?"

Yeah. I really have, Dad.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Now you're starting to sound like your old self.


Hello, gorgeous!

Oh, look at you!

Oh, you grew.

Oh, we missed you so much.

Hey. Don't you dare let your old man talk you out of going back to camp, OK?

You're a growing girl. You need adventure.

OK. You hungry?

I made corn bread and chili.

Why are you so quiet? What's wrong? Nothing.

It's just I'm so happy to be home.

Hey, did I hear something about corn bread and chili?

Yeah, it's on the stove. So...

Something's changed about you, Hal. Hm. I can't put my finger on it, but something about you has definitely changed.

Really? Well, it's just the same old me.

Honest.

Hi, Sammy!

What is wrong with you, you goofball? It's Hallie.

Oh, I probably just smell like camp, that's all.

What's the matter with you? It's like you didn't even recognize her.

Wow, it's even better than the pictures.

OK, kiddo. What do you want to do first, huh?

You want to eat and then unpack, or we could unpack and then eat.

Or we could eat while we unpack.

You mean I can eat in my room?

Yeah, it's a definite possibility.

Hey, Hal. When you're done, come on down. There's someone I want you to meet.

OK, Dad. OK, Hal.

Look at you, always eating.

Did you tell her? No.

Oh, Nicky.

Tell me what?

Hal, it is none of my business how your father makes a fool out of himself, OK?

He's a big boy. He can do what he wants. OK, OK. So, who is she?

Her name's Meredith Blake. She's a publicist from San Francisco.

Your father hired her at the beginning of the summer to do some publicity for the vineyard.

If you ask me, she's doing a better job of selling herself than the grapes.

What do you mean?

Look, you and I both know your father's not some kind of suave, debonair, bachelor-of-the-month type.

So I gotta ask myself, what does a hot young thing like that see in a guy who walks around with his shirttail hanging out and a cereal bowl full of chili.

Then I realized there's about a million reasons why that girl's giggling.

All of them are sitting at the Napa Valley Community Bank.

You mean, you don't think she even really likes him?

Ah, what do I know? But I tell you one thing, this one's got your father eating out of the palm of her hand.

They do everything together. They ride together, they swim together.

They go out to eat dinner every night.

Do you know what? Meet her. See for yourself. Don't let me influence you.

There's my girl. Honey, I want you to meet a friend of mine.

Hal, this is Meredith Blake.

Hi.

Hi... Meredith Blake.

Wow, I can't believe I'm finally meeting the famous Hallie.

I have looked forward to this all summer. Really? Well, here I am.

Oh, Nicky, she's adorable.

You know, the way your father talked about you, I expected to meet a little girl, but you are so grown-up.

I'll be 12 soon. How old are you?

Twenty-six.

Only 15 years older than me. How old are you again, Dad?

Wow, suddenly you're so interested in math. Look, I'm gonna go inside.

I'm going to get some more chili, maybe a bottle of champagne to celebrate.

What are we celebrating?

Your homecoming, of course.

Be right back.

Meredith Blake.

Hello, Reverend Mosby.

Mm-hm.

Of course. No, I understand it's for a local charity?

Oh, yes, I am writing it all down.

OK, it sounds very worthwhile, I agree, but unfortunately I see that Mr. Parker will be out of the country on those days.

Yes, absolutely. I will be sure to mention it to him.

Thank you.

So...

How was camp, Hal? Was it fabulous?

My dad's going out of the country? Oh. No.

I just had to tell a little white lie to get him out of something.

You know, I have never heard a man talk about his daughter the way that Nicky talks about you.

You two are obviously incredibly close.

Well, you know, we're closer than close. We're all each other has.

Sorry. Did I get you wet, Mer?

Just a little, Hal.

Hey, guess what.

Your daddy took me riding the other day and he let me ride your horse.

I hope that's OK with you.

Oh, sure. Sprout's used to strange women riding her.

Not that you're strange or anything.

Actually, compared to the others you're relatively normal.

Others? What others?

You want the 411? What's the 411?

The information, the lowdown on other women. Can't say I blame you.

I'd want to know if I was number 28- I mean, 29- in a man's life.

I'm number 29? Yeah.

It's always the same routine. Horseback riding through the vineyards, romantic dinners with his special reserve label wine. Moonlight swims.

Here we go. A bottle of my special reserve label.

So, did you girls find something to talk about while I was gone?

Does that mean yes? It sure does.

Will somebody grab that, please?

James residence. Annie? Yes, Martin?

Oh, dear, it sounds just like you on the phone.

I'm sorry. To whom did you wish to speak? Annie?

Of course. One moment, please.

A Mildred Plotka for you. Sounds just like your twin.

My twin? Very funny. Good one, Martin.

Hello? Oh, Mildred, darling. Hi, how are you?

Hey. How's it going over there?

Oh, everything's quite lovely here. We're expecting a bit of rain today, but, Mildred, can you hold on for a moment?

OK, but hurry, Hal. I've got to talk to you.

OK. Now I can talk. Oh, my God, Mom's incredible.

I cannot believe I lived my entire life without knowing her.

She's beautiful and fun and smart

- and I love the gowns she designs. But...

And I got her talking about how she and Dad first met and if you ask me there's a whole... - Hallie!

Stop! We've got a major problem.

You're going to have to bring Mother out here immediately.

Immediately? Are you nuts? I've only had one day with her.

I'm just getting to know her. I can't. I won't.

But this is an emergency. Dad's in love.

Get out of here. Dad doesn't fall in love. I mean, at least not seriously.

Trust me, he's serious about this one.

He's always holding her hand and kissing her neck and waiting on her hand and foot.

He is? It's disgusting.

You'll just have to break them up. Sabotage it. Do whatever you have to.

I'm trying, but, I mean, I'm at a slight disadvantage.

I only met the man 12 hours ago.

Hal, you've got to get back here to help me.

Annie, I can't. I want more time with Mom.

What's going on?

Annie, are you still there? I can barely hear you.

I'm here, what are you...? - Operator, operator.

I think I lost you, Annie. - Hello?

Thanks for all the help, Hal.

Ahem.

Hi. I had a phone call from a friend at camp.

Yeah, it's an old camp tradition, talk to your friend from inside a closet.

Kind of stupid, I know, but...

So, breakfast, anyone?

OK. Here we go. Most important meal of the day.

Eggs, sunnyside up. Bacon, side of toast.

And in case you're really hungry, a stack of humongous chocolate chip pancakes, which smell incredible, if I do say so myself.

Thanks, Chessy.

You're not hungry again?

You hardly touched your chili, your favorite food in the world, and now you don't want your breakfast? Are you sick, honey?

I'm fine, I promise. Where's Dad?

Oh, he and Miss I'll-just-have-half-a-grapefruit-thank-you left about an hour ago. You overslept and he didn't want to wake you.

Of course I'd probably oversleep too if I were up until midnight making mysterious phone calls from my bathroom.

Oh. Oh, that? I was calling a friend from camp. Mildred.

She lives in New York. Oh, I see.

So you wanted to wait and call Mildred at a time that was convenient for her because of the time difference? Exactly. Because of the time difference.

Uh-huh? So you waited until it was three in the morning her time?

That makes perfect sense.

Actually... it was seven at night her time. You see, she lives in New York, but she was on vacation with her family in Bora Bora.

Mm-hm. Very smooth.

OK, look, smarty-pants, your father wants you to meet him at his office as soon as you're done with breakfast. He does? Thanks.

I'm done.

Whoa!

That dog has gotten so weird.

Bye, Chessy. Thanks again for breakfast. It was great.

Push, Hal.

Sorry. I... forgot.

Honey, I'm really glad you're here. 'Cause there's something really important I want to talk to you about.

That's funny because there's something really important I want to talk to you about.

Yeah? Well, you go first. No, you.

OK. I want to talk to you about Meredith.

And I want to talk to you about my mother. What about Meredith?

Well, what about your mother? Dad, I'm almost 12.

How long do you expect me to buy that story that the stork dropped me on your doorstep?

Oh, come on, Hal. We've talked about your mother.

No, we haven't. Not really.

A girl needs more in life than half a crumpled old photograph.

Dad, I'm almost a teenager. Face it, I need a mother.

You know what. You're right. You're absolutely right.

You do need a mother, which brings me to...

Meredith? Hi.

Hello, Hal. Hi.

Hallie, this is my assistant Richard. Richard, this is Nick's daughter.

The one I've been telling you so much about.

Oh, hello. How are you? Hi, there.

Did you tell her? Almost.

Hey, if you're free later, why don't we all have lunch on the terrace?

Well, actually, I promised Hal we'd hang out together this afternoon.

Oh, no problem. I've got plenty to do.

I'm working on a new label design, Nicky, featuring y-o-u. You're going to love it.

See you for dinner, darling. Bye, Hal. Bye.

First change I make is to send that two-faced little brat off to boarding school in Timbuktu.

Ooh. Ice woman. Proud of it, babe.

Come on, Dad.

OK, OK. You win. Hold up. Give that horse a rest.

Whoa, Sprout.

So, honey, you excited about our camping trip?

What camping trip?

What camping trip? The one we take every summer before you go back to school.

Oh, that camping trip.

Yeah, sure. I can't wait.

So, Hal...

What do you think of Meredith? As what, Dad?

Your publicist? Your friend?

No, just what do you think of her, as a person?

Well, she's cute. She has nice hair, good teeth.

She can spell the word "you."

Honestly, Dad? The woman's a complete stranger to me.

Why do you want my opinion anyway?

I'll tell you why, Hal. Because, believe it or not...

Race you back to the ranch, Dad!

Hal!

Hal, I'm trying to tell you something.

Hey! Slow down.


I'm in so over my head here. I can't handle this, I just can't.

I'm only one kid.

You got something you want to share with the class there, Hal?

Chessy, you gave me a fright.

I gave you a fright?

You scared me. I didn't know you were, like, in here.

Are you sure there isn't anything you want to talk to me about?

Like why Sammy never comes near you anymore.

Or why your appetite's changed.

Or why all of a sudden you're neat as a pin and using expressions like, "You gave me a fright."

Chessy, I changed a lot over the summer, that's all.

OK.

Boy, if I didn't know any better, I'd say it's almost like you were...

Forget it. It's impossible.

Almost as if I were who, Chessy?

Nobody. Nobody. Forget I mentioned it.

Almost as if I were... Annie?

You know about Annie? I am Annie.

Hal.

Hal, why did you take off on me like that?

I told you I wanted to talk to you about something.

Chessy, why are you looking at her like that?

Like what? I'm not looking at her any special way.

I'm looking at her like I've looked at her for 11 years.

Since the day she came home from the hospital.

Six pounds, 11 ounces. 21 inches long. This is how I look at her.

Can I hug her?

Oh, she's so beautiful.

And so big.

I'm going to make you something special to eat. What would you like? Anything?

You know what, it doesn't matter.

I'm just gonna go whip up everything we've got. OK?

Hal, come here.

We have to talk. OK. Shoot.

OK.

Honey...

I want to know what you think about making Meredith part of the family.

Part of our family? Yeah.

I think it's an awesome idea. Yeah?

Inspired! Brilliant! You do? Really? You do?

Totally. I mean, like it's a dream come true. I've always wanted a big sister.

Oh.

Um... Honey, I think you're kind of missing the point.

No, I'm not. You're going to adopt Meredith.

That is so sweet, Dad. No, I am not going to adopt her.

I'm... going to marry her.

Marry her? That's insane.

How can you marry a woman young enough to be my big sister?

Mais tu plaisantes, j'espère. Meredith, ce n'est pas une fille pour toi.

Mais c'est pas possible, je rêve. Qu'est-ce qui...

Calm down. Hal!

Are you speaking French?

I learned it at camp.

OK. I'm sorry.

Let's discuss this calmly. Calmly and rationally.

Yeah, and in English, if you don't mind.

Right? OK.

Sweetheart, what has gotten into you?

Nothing. Nothing. Just...

Dad, you can't get married. It'll totally ruin completely everything.

Hal. Hal.

Hallie.

Don't look at me. I don't know a thing.

She thought I was going to adopt her?

Hi, doll. Hi.

Oh. You look stressed, baby.

How about a martini? How about a double?

Coming right up.

Chessy!

Don't you love it? It's just what we need, it's such a big house. Chessy!

You rang? Two martinis, please.

And make Mr. Parker's a double.

Chess, please. I'm getting a migraine.

I told Hallie. You did? And?

She went ballistic. She started yelling in French.

I didn't even know she spoke French.

I don't know what's gotten into her. Oh, Nicky.

This reaction is totally classic.

It's "Daddy's Getting Remarried 101."

I'd be worried if she didn't act this way.

Look.

Why don't I go talk to her? You know, woman-to-woman.

I think she's a little sensitive about you right now.

That's why I need to do it. We've got to break the ice sometime.

Wear your shirt like this. I like it when I can see a little chest hair.

Knock, knock. Can I join you?

Sure.

Guess the news of the engagement came as a bit of a shock, huh?

Basically.

You know, I remember what it was like to be 11.

I had my first beau at 11. It's a wonderful age.

You're just starting to feel like a woman and, believe it or not, soon you'll understand what it's like to be in love.

Me? I don't think so.

I don't even have my 12-year-old molars yet.

Well, take it from someone who got their molars very early in life, being in love is a fantastic mystery that takes a man and a woman...

I don't mean to be jerky when you're trying to be all mushy and everything, but I know what mystery my dad sees in you.

You do?

You're young and beautiful and sexy and, hey, the guy's only human.

But if you ask me, marriage is supposed to be based on something more than just sex, right?

Boy, your father underestimates you.

But you won't. Will you, Meredith?

Being young and beautiful's not a crime, you know.

And for your 411, I adore your father.

He's exactly the kind of man I always planned on marrying.

This is the real deal, honey. And nothing you do is going to come between us.

Hate to break it to you, angel, but you are no longer the only girl in Nick Parker's life.

Get over it. If this is the real deal, then my dad's money has nothing to do with you wanting to marry him, right?

OK, puss. You listen and you listen good.

I am marrying your father in two weeks whether you like it or not.

So I suggest you do not tangle with me anymore.

You are in way over your head. Is that clear?

Crystal.

Martin! A refill, please.

Lovely choice of wine, by the way, Martin.

Thank you, sir. May I have a sip?

I don't think you're going to like it.

Well, if you ask me, the bouquet's a little too robust for a Merlot, but then again I'm partial to the softer California grape.

Has she learned about wine at the summer camp?

She must have.

Darling! Are you all right? I had one sip too many, I guess.

You know, Mother, I feel like I could use a bit of fresh air.

Would it be OK if I stepped outside for a moment?

Are you OK? Would you like me to go with you?

No, no, no. I'll be fine. Just got a touch woozy, that's all.

Woozy, huh?


I'd like to place a collect call to America, please.

Hello? What's up?

Hal, I'm desperate. Dad's getting married.

What do you mean, getting married?

I mean black tie, white gown, the whole enchilada.

What? - The wedding's in two weeks.

If there's any hope of getting Mum and Dad back together we've got to do it fast.

And I mean really fast.

OK. So Mom and I are going out to the theater tonight.

I'll drop the bomb on her first thing in the morning.

OK. Thanks.

And, Hallie, hurry! OK. I will.

Oh, excuse me, sir.

Uh-oh. Uh-oh. Yes.

Now, what say you and I take a little stroll in the park, eh, young lady?

OK.

Now...

Come on, what's this all about? Well, it's a long story.

Well, it's a very big park and we've got plenty of time, you know.

Well, first of all...

Féminine? Vraiment... Je ne sais pas comment expliquer mais vous aurez le dessin demain, en tout cas.

En satin? Non, non, ce sera quelque chose plus moderne avec de la dentelle, du tulle blanc très, très jeune, très léger.

Just do it, sweet pea.

Non, c'est trop, non. Oui, mademoiselle, vous aurez le dessin demain matin.

Oui, tout à fait. Ne vous inquiétez pas. Allez, au revoir.

Darling, come in. I just have to finish this sketch and fedex it off to Paris.

Then how about you and I go out to lunch and spend the rest of the day getting lost in Harrods. Hm?

I can't, Mum, I'm sorry. I have to go out of town today.

Oh, you have to go out of town?

And where, may I ask, are you going?

Annie. Annie.

That's where I have to go. I have to go see Annie.

I see. And where might Annie be?

In Napa. With her father Nick Parker.

You're not Annie.

That would be correct.

You're Hallie?

I am.

Annie and I met up at camp and we decided to switch places.

I'm sorry, but I'd never seen you, and I dreamt of meeting you my whole life.

Annie felt the exact same way about Dad, so we sorta just switched lives.

I hope you're not mad, because I love you so much and I just hope that one day you can love me as me, and not as Annie.

Oh, darling.

I've loved you your whole life.

I've never been so happy in my entire life.

So, I...

I guess you have to switch us back now, huh?

Well, technically, you belong to your dad and Annie belongs to me.

His and hers kids. No offense, Mom, but this arrangement really sucks.

I agree. It totally sucks.

Then I say we fly to Napa, see Annie and Dad, and work this whole thing out.

And I say you're right. Not to worry, darling. I'll take care of everything.

You're not to worry, OK?

I'm sorry. I can't handle this.

I mean, I haven't seen or heard from Nick Parker in over 11 years, and suddenly I'm flying halfway across the world to...

I'm not mature enough for this. If the man didn't make me so nuts, I'd still be married to him. I mean, we came up with this arrangement so that we'd never have to see each other again.

I mean, look at me, Martin. Have you ever seen me like this?

Well... Don't answer that.

I mean, what if he doesn't recognize me?

No, don't answer that, either.

So, Hallie said he was a... a hunk.

He was rather dishy.

He had a smile that made me go weak at the knees, if you can imagine that.

OK. I'm all set, Mom. Great. Me too. Almost.

Mom, your suitcase is, like, totally empty.

Oh. Right. Sorry. Um...

Did you speak to your father, dear?

Um... Yeah, yeah. I just hung up with him, actually.

He said he's really anxious to see you.

Anxious nervous, like he's totally, completely dreading it?

Or anxious excited, like he's looking forward to it?

Anxious excited. Definitely. Oh.

He said he'll meet us tomorrow at noon at the Stafford Hotel in San Francisco.

My, my, my. That's incredibly soon, isn't it? Well. Um...

Why don't you run downstairs and gather up our tickets from your grandfather while I finish up here?

OK.

Liar, liar, pants on fire. Sh!

Oh, Martin, I have a really ridiculous, somewhat childish request to make.

Martin, you know that you're more than a butler to me.

You're more like a lovable brother who just happens to wait on us and...

Anyway, I was wondering if... I'd accompany you on the trip?

Make it a bit easier for you? Would you, Martin? Thank you so much.

I'd be so grateful. And you don't even have to come as our butler, just as a friend. Madam, I'd be honored.

And may I say, as a friend, if I was seeing my ex, after 11 years, and I had your legs...

I'd wear this little baby.

You'll kill in it.

Bye, Daddy, darling. Bye, darling.

Wish me luck. Good luck.

Bye, Pop. Bye, Hal.

So you're coming to Napa for Thanksgiving, right?

I wouldn't miss it for the world.

Bye.

Oh, and say hello to your father for me.

I will.

Airport, please.


OK. They'll be here any minute.

Now, be nice, Daddy.

He's everything you ever wanted for your little girl, plus millions more.

Then you know I'll be nice.

Oh, OK. There he is.

With the whole motley crew.

Hi, darling.

Hallie. Chessy. And Sammy. What in the world are you doing here?

Honey, a dog at the Stafford?

Hal begged me to bring him. Oh, you're such a softy.

Oh!

Good doggy. So, Meredith, these the folks?

Yes. Mom, Dad, you finally meet.

This is my fiancé and the love of my life, Nicholas Parker.

Hello, Nicholas. I'm so pleased to meet you.

I'm Vicki. Hi.

And this is Nick's adorable daughter Hallie.

This entire prenuptial get-together was her idea, I'll have you know.

How are you, young lady? We've heard nothing but wonderful things about you.

Hello, pet. You may call me Aunt Vicki.

Other end, madam. Whoops.

That was a great flight, wasn't it? I mean, it was so quick.

I've never seen you quite so thirsty before, madam.

Well, would you believe, Martin, darling, I've never tasted vodka before this trip?

Could have fooled me, ma'am.

Come on. Let's rock and roll.

I am in such major trouble here.

If the hotel can do it, I think that room is perfect for the wedding.

Not too big, not too cramped.

And not that I don't like the idea of having the wedding at the house, it's just that this could be amazing.

So I've already checked us in. Why don't we go upstairs, freshen up, and then rendezvous for lunch?

Great. Meet you in the bar in ten. OK?

Perf.

Sweetheart, now that we're here, why don't we go check out the honeymoon suite?

I bet it is to die for.

Oh, whoops. I forgot my bag.

Hang on.

Sammy.

Sammy!

Sammy! Excuse me. Did you find a beige...

Thank you.

Ooh. Mum!

Darling, you didn't have to wait for me. I could have found the room by myself.

Besides, I need to get a little fresh air.

Go on, sweetie. I'll meet you upthairs.

I like that jacket, by the way. Were you wearing that the whole time we were on the plane? Mum, watch out!

Sorry, sorry.

She's drunk. She's never had more than one glass of wine in her entire life, and she chooses today to show up totally zonked.

Yeah, well. Just do what the woman says and meet her "upthairs."

Maybe that's why they make "do not disturb" signs.

Alone at last.

Hallie Parker.

Oh, don't do this to me. I'm already seeing double.

It's me, Mum. Annie. Oh, darling.

You look wonderful.

Oh, my girls.

I can't believe you're together. But how could you do this to me?

Excuse me. I hate to interrupt, but... might I suggest that we continue this little powwow inside?

Hi. You probably don't remember me. Chessy.

I knew I always liked her.

One of you... I'm not sure which one at the moment, but one of you told me your father knew I was arriving here today.

And I'm here to tell you that the man I just saw in the elevator had absolutely no idea he and I were on the same planet, let alone in the same hotel. You saw Dad already?

Yes, I did. The man went completely ashen, like I was the bloody Ghost of Christmas Past.

Can one of you get something cold for my head?

I mean, don't you think I've pondered what it was going to be like to see your father after all these years?

Well, let me tell you, me waving like a mindless idiot while Nick Parker's wrapped around another woman's arms is not exactly the scenario I had in mind. No, sirree.

Martin! What are you doing?

Going for a dip, madam. Do you mind?

No, no. No, that's perfectly perfect.

Have fun. Someone ought to.

Hello.

Hello. Hello to you.

Chessy, this is our butler, Martin.

How do you do? I'm her butler.

Enchanté, mademoiselle.

Gee. The pleasure's all mine, monsieur.

Girls, you were going to tell me why you lied and brought me here without telling your father.

Were they? OK, that's good. Uh...

Well, I'm just gonna go back to my room and check out the old mini-bar situation.

Allow me to assist you. Wait.

Does everyone here know something I don't know?

Mum, Daddy's getting married.

To Cruella De Vil. She's awful, Mum. We can't let him go through with it.

She's all wrong for him, Mom, and the only way he won't marry her is if...

You tell her. She knows you better.

Is if he sees you again.

Wait a minute. You're not trying to set me up with your father?

Actually, we are. You're perfect for each other.

Hold it! You two knew about this?

What? Oh! No. No.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Madam, no, absolutely. I had no idea.

Yes. Yes, I did know something. Yes. Technically, yes. I had an inkling.

Hallie told me the story. It was their idea. It was so sweet.

I just fell for the story. I'm an old romantic.

Yeah, so am I.

OK. OK.

Let me say this loud and clear.

Nick Parker and I have absolutely nothing in common... anymore.

Plus, in case you haven't noticed, he seems extremely content with his leggy, tight-skirted, bare-backed fiancée.

And I want the two of you to explain to your father that I am here for one purpose, and one purpose only.

And that is to switch the two of you back.

Now, let's do what we have to do and be done with it.

Understood?

Hey, Dad. What's up? Hi. Just running down to the lobby.

Hey, Hal. Huh?

Do me a favor, will ya, while I'm gone? Will you just look after Meredith for me?

Huh? Thanks.

Hallie. Hallie. Yeah?

How do I look? Like, presentable and everything?

Not too old? You look fab, Dad. Young and fab.

Dad.

I thought you were gonna keep Meredith company.

I was? I mean, I am, yeah.

I was just looking for her, actually.

It's great to see you, Dad.

It's great to see you too, squirt.

Nice outfit. Oh, thanks.

Well, go on. Get up there. Come on.

Let's get together, yeah, yeah, yeah Why don't you and I combine?

Let's get together...

Have you seen your father? You talking to me?

What, are you Robert De Niro? Yes, I am talking to you.

Oh, Meredith.

Uh... Yeah. I just saw him. Well, hello. Where was he?

Uh... He went thataway. I think.

What are you staring at? Oh, nothing. Nothing.

You're just really very pretty. That's all.

Oh...

Don't tell me you're gonna break your rotten streak and suddenly be nice to me.

If you see your father, tell him he's late and I'm waiting.

Whatever you say, Cruella.

Here you go. This'll cure anything you've got.

Just don't ask what's in it. OK.

Here's to...

Here's to you. May your life be far less complicated than mine.

Thank you.

Ugh.

Martini, dry, please.

I beg your pardon. I think I just drank tar.

There's your martini, and your bill, Miss James.

Thank you.

You're Elizabeth James?

Guilty. Oh!

I just saw a wedding dress you designed in Vogue and fell completely in love with it.

I faxed your office just yesterday, and they said that you were out of town and didn't know if you could make another. I can't believe it. It's fate.

I'm Meredith Blake. How do you do?

Sorry.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Where have you been? We've been looking all over for you.

Nicholas, I think this hotel is perfect for the wedding.

The more I see of it, the more I like it. Me too.

Absolutely.

Now, tell me, dear. How many are we expecting from your side of the family?

Just a guesstimate.

Uh... Can I get back to you on that? I... I'm not sure at the moment.

Excuse me.

Pardon me. Sorry.

Oh! Boss, you OK? Yeah, I'm fine.

Uh... Sir. Dad, watch out!

Oh! Careful! Argh!


Hello, Liz. Hello, Nick.

Well, gosh. There you are. What do you know?

Uh... Is there something going on here that I should know about?

Because I'm stunned to see you.

But, uh... you don't seem as stunned to see me.

I mean, I haven't seen or heard from you in, what, ten, eleven years.

All of a sudden, on the very day that... Dad.

I can explain why she's here.

Hallie, you know who this is?

Actually, yes. And, actually, I'm not Hallie.

Actually, I am.

Both of them?

Annie?

Hallie?

I guess you and Mum kind of think alike, 'cause you both sent us to the same camp.

We met there, and the whole thing just sort of spilled out.

They switched places on us, Nick.

You mean I've had Annie with me all this time?

Well, I wanted to know what you were like, and Hallie wanted to know Mum, and...

Are you angry? Oh, honey. Of course not.

I just can't believe it's you.

Last time I saw you, you had diaper rash. Oh, sorry - you're all wet.

It's all right. Look at you.

Well, I'm quite grown-up now, and quite without a father.

And I'm headed into my crazy, mixed-up teenage years, and I'll be the only girl I know without a mother to fight with.

Hallie, you've been in London all this time?

Come here, squirt.

Mom's amazing, Dad. I don't know how you ever let her go.

Girls, why don't you let your father and I talk alone for a couple of minutes, OK?

Sure, fine. Take your time.

I don't believe this.

Seeing them together, seeing you.

Ow. Ooh. Let me help you with that.

Oh, excuse me. Do you have a first-aid kit?

Yeah, of course.

Why don't you lie down?

Here you go. Thanks.

So... how are you, Lizzie?

Or does everyone call you Elizabeth now?

Oh, no, no. Lizzie's... Lizzie's fine.

My dad still calls me Lizzie. Yeah?

Yeah, I've been... uh, been terrific. Oh.

You know, you haven't changed a bit.

Finally. There you are. Oh! Uh... Oh, good. You've met.

Honey, Elizabeth designs wedding gowns, and she's going to make my...

Wait, um... I don't understand. How did you two meet?

And, Nicky, why are you all wet?

You're making my fiancée's wedding gown.

Well, I didn't know she was your fiancée. Well...

How did we meet? How did you two meet?

Am I missing something here? Know what? This is one small world.

How small?

Hi, Mer. Hello.

How you doing?

Honey, did I ever mention to you that Hallie was a twin?

No, I'm afraid you forgot that little detail.

Don't feel bad, Mer, he never mentioned it to me, either.

By the way, I'm the real Hallie. This is Annie.

She was pretending to be me, while I was pretending to be her.

And this is our mother, Elizabeth James.

This is your mother?

Yes.

You were married to him?

Yeah. Guilty again.

Oh, well. This is a small world. And getting smaller.

And what a coincidence that we're all here on the exact same weekend.

My, my, my. How sweet.

Hal, I've had enough surprises for one day.

Will you please just tell me where we're going?

You're gonna love it, Dad. Trust me.

Hello.

Hey.

So...

Do you have any idea where they're taking us?

Not a clue. Right.

Where are we?

This is where we're eating?

No, actually, that's where we're eating.

She's ours for the night.

Wow. So how exactly are we paying for this?

Well, we pooled our allowances.

Yeah, right, Annie. OK. Grandfather chipped in a bit.

Annie. OK. He chipped in a lot.

Come on. You guys are gonna love it.

Pretty snazzy.

Elizabeth and Nick, your dinner awaits you.

Girls.

The table's only set for two.

Oh. That's the other part of the surprise. We're not joining you.

You're not? No, but I am.

Good evening. I'm Chessy, and I'll be your server this evening.

No wisecracks, please. And I am Martin, your sommelier.

May I offer you both a taste of the bubbly in the hope that you'll get a bit schnockered and not fire this lovely lady and myself for following the orders of these audacious 11-year-olds?

Annie, mood music, please.

Just relax. Sail through time.

Back to yesteryear.

You do get all this, don't you? Yes, I'm beginning to.

They're recreating the night we met. The boat, the music...

The help.

It's so sweet.

Martin, I think I'll take that drink.

Thank you, Martin.

Oh. Yeah.

To tell you the truth, I haven't been on a boat since the QE2.

Neither have I.

Well, then, here's to, uh...

Our daughters.

Our daughters.

Now I know how a goldfish feels.

You know, sometime if we're ever really alone, maybe we could talk about what happened between us.

It all feels a bit hazy to me now.

It ended so fast.

It started so fast.

Well, that part I remember perfectly.

Looks like things are heating up quite nicely.

I'd say it's safe to serve the vichyssoise.

You ladle, I'll serve.

I'm sorry.

Yes, I'll ladle.

Right. And then I'll...

Serve? Right.

Right.

So... you've done fantastically well.

Your dream of owning your own vineyard, it actually came true.

What about you? You were always drawing on napkins and corners of newspapers.

Now you're this major designer.

Yeah. It's great.

We both actually got where we wanted to go.

Yeah. We did.

Anyway, what are we going to do about the girls?

Well, now that they've met, we can't very well keep them apart.

Well, I could keep them for half the year, and then you could keep them for...

Guys, they can't go to two different schools every year. That's nuts.

I agree.

Well, I could keep them both for a whole year, and you...

Liz, that's why we came up with... Mm-mm. Mm-hm.

Oh. Sorry. Ignore me. Enjoy your soup.

That's why we came up with the solution that we have.

Really? I thought it was because we decided never to see each other again.

Not "we," Liz.

Well, you know, that part's become a bit hazy to me too over the years.

You don't remember the day you packed? No, that day I remember perfectly.

Did I hurt you when I threw that, um... What was it? A...

It was a hairdryer.

Oh. Right.

Sorry.

You know, I may never be alone with you again.

So, about that day that you packed... Why'd you do it?

Oh, Nick. We were so young and we both had tempers.

We said stupid things and so I packed.

Got on my very first 747 and...

You didn't come after me.

I didn't know that you wanted me to.

Well, it really doesn't matter anymore.

So let's just put a good face on for the girls and get this show on the road, huh?

Yeah. Sure. Let's get this show on the road.

Your passport, Ms. James. Have a safe trip home.

Thank you.

All set, then? Where's Annie? I just rang up. She's on her way down.

Right.

So I'll send Hallie back to you over Christmas.

And Annie'll spend Easter with you.

Annie, what are you doing in those clothes? We've got a plane to catch.

Here's the deal, Mom. We thought it over, and we decided we're being totally gypped.

Dad promised we'd go on our camping trip, and we wanna go. Together.

What camping trip?

The one we go on every summer before school starts.

Annie, this is ridiculous. Go upstairs and put your clothes on.

Are you sure I'm Annie? Well, of course I'm sure.

But it's kind of hard to be 100 percent positive, isn't it?

Girls, this is totally unfunny. You're gonna make your mother miss her airplane.

Annie. Yes?

This one's Hallie. I'm positive.

You know, I hope you're right, Dad, because you wouldn't wanna send the wrong kid all the way back to England.

Would you?

Here's our proposition.

We go back to Dad's house, pack our stuff, and the four of us leave on the camping trip.

The four of us? And when you bring us back, we'll tell you who's Annie and who's Hallie.

Or you do as we say, and I take one of you back with me to London, whether you like it or not.

And what am I supposed to do for three days? Sit home and knit?

Honey, we have kind of a sticky situation.

Sticky situation? What do you mean, sticky situation? What exactly...?

Excuse me. What is she doing here?

You see, that's part of the deal.

The four of us, we go together. What are you, suddenly the Brady Bunch?

This is ridic... Hello. Everything all right?

Well, no, actually, it isn't.

I didn't realize that you were going on this little outing, and to tell you the truth I'm not so sure that I'm OK with it.

I agree. I think the ex-wife in the next sleeping bag is a little weird.

Thank you.

I absolutely insist that you come with us. Really.

Liz... No, honestly, Nick, I've messed up your entire weekend. It's the least I can do.

Really. Please.

Dad, what's Meredith doing here? Your mother invited her.

What?

Be nice.

OK. All set? Have fun, everyone.

What? Liz, what are you doing?

Well, I really think that you and Meredith need some time alone before the big day.

Mom, come on. That's not the plan.

Oh, honestly, you'll have much more fun without me.

Wait, wait. If you're not going, I certainly don't have to go.

I mean, trust me, I'm not a big nature girl.

But this is your chance to really get to know the girls.

I mean, after all, starting next week they're... they're half yours.

Have fun, all of you.

Bye-bye.

Oh, I would pay big money to see that woman climb a mountain.

Don't hurry, honey. OK.

Whoa!

Come on, you guys.

Whoa. Whoa.

I'm gonna kill my trainer.

He says I'm in such great shape.

I can't believe people actually do this for fun.

Hold on. We're stopping.

Again? Dad, at this rate it'll take us three days just to get to the lake.

Meredith isn't used to the altitude. Just chill.

OK?

Oh, I'm in serious pain. Somebody hand me my Evian.

I can't move.

Sure.

Brilliant.

Here you go, Mer.

Honey, you OK?

What happened? This little guy was on her Evian bottle.

Oh. He won't hurt you, Mer.

Oh, right, right, right. I... I know. You... go ahead. I'll be fine.

Get that thing away from me. I hate things that crawl. Ugh.

How can you touch that? Just... put it down.

OK, OK, I'll put it down.

Girls... What?

What? I'm going to take the lead.

The two of you help Meredith. All right?

Sure you'll help me. Right over a cliff, you'll help me.

Not a bad idea. Yeah. See any cliffs?

Oh, my backpack.

Need a hand, Mer?

Not from you, thank you.

Don't think I can't see right past those angelic faces.

One more trick from you two and I promise I will make your lives miserable from the day I say, "I do."

Got it?

Got it, Cruella.

What did you call me?

Nothing, nothing. Not a thing, Cruella.

Oh, by the way, Mer, I think there's something on your head.

Are you all right?

What... happened?

Ask them.

What did we do, Dad? We were right behind you.

This is really good. Yeah, I know.

Here we go, girls. This'll hold us for a while.

Sure you don't want some trout, Mom?

Is that OK, by the way, if we start calling you Mom?

I think your mother would prefer if you called me Meredith.

And no, thank you, I do not eat trout, for the thousandth time.

I will wait until breakfast. What are we having?

Trout. Oh.

Come on, it's part of the experience. Mm, and what's the other part?

Being eaten to death by mosquitoes?

God, you'd think they actually like this stuff.

Well, what's that you're using? Here, let me see that.

You're gonna attract every mosquito in the state with this stuff. It's sugar and water. Where'd you get it?

That's it. I am taking one large sleeping pill and going to bed.

Meredith?

What are you doing?

I don't want the mountain lions to...

There are no mountain lions up here, are there?

No.

Good night.

Girls, I'm telling you, lay off.

This isn't her thing, OK? I'm not marrying her because she's Annie Oakley.

Who's Annie Oakley? Just cool it.

Come on, come on. OK.

I hope that one large sleeping pill worked.

You take that side. All right.

Gosh, she's heavy.

She's also, like, snoring.

Nicky?


Sweet dreams, Mommy dearest.

That feels nice.

Nicky!

Oh, man.

Ooh.

What's going on? Here's what's going on, buddy.

The day we get married is the day I ship those brats off to Switzerland.

Get the picture? It's me or them.

Take your pick.

Them.

Excuse me? T-h-e-m, them.

Get the picture?

Hello. You're back so soon. Did you have fun?

Well, I wouldn't go right to fun. You wouldn't?

We've been punished to the end of the century.

Starting now. Go.

Where's Meredith?

We played a couple of harmless tricks on her and she kind of freaked out a little.

A little?

Hm.

She threw this at my head.

Least it's smaller than a hairdryer.

Oh, Nick, it's all my fault. If I hadn't suggested she go...

Oh, tricked. Tricked would be more like it.

Like mother, like daughters.

I really am sorry.

We are too, Dad. Really. Yeah.

Up to your room. Now.

I gotta remember to thank them one day.

So, where's Chessy? I'm starving.

Well, she and Martin went off on a picnic around noon... yesterday.

Really? Who would have thought? My nanny, your butler. Hm.

So, what do you say I whip us up something to eat?

You can cook now? Oh, yeah. I can make pasta and pasta and...

Pasta sounds good.

Pasta it is.

OK, I'll take two.

Hey, Dad. Wow, you look so nice.

Where are you going?

Good night, ladies.

Oh, wow.

This is where I keep my private stash.

Did you know I also collect wine? Really?

Mm. I'm a man of limited interests. Come here.

This is a 1921 Burgundy.

They say the rain that year made this the best Burgundy ever harvested.

Oh.

Now, you will appreciate this. Come here.

Look.

V-J Day 1945.

That's incredible. I love that.

Now, this is the same wine that was served at my parents' wedding.

Bordeaux, '52.

I think my sister was conceived on this baby.

What's this one? "Where dreams have no end." 1983.

That one, actually, took me years to track down.

Why? Where's it from?

It's the wine that we drank at our wedding.

I now have every bottle ever made.

You do?

I do.

Can we open one? You're the only one I'd drink it with.

You OK? Oh, yeah.

Just got a little dust in my eye, that's all.

I can offer you a clean sleeve. No, no, I'm fine, really.

All better.

You don't always have to be so brave, you know.

Oh, but I do, actually.

That will be Chessy.

She has a key.

Hello? Anybody home?

We'll be right up.


Oh Every time

We say goodbye I die a little Every time We say goodbye I wonder why a little Why the gods above me Who must be in the know

Think so little of me...

Take care of yourself.

Yeah, I will. You too.

Bye.

I love you. I love you too.

I can hear A lark somewhere Begin to sing about it There's no love song finer But how strange the change From major to minor Every time We say goodbye

Hello? We're home.

Grandfather?

I'll check the study.

Hey, stranger.

Hey, Mom. Did you know that Concorde gets you here in half the time?

Yes, I've heard that.

What are you doing here?

It took us around 30 seconds after you guys left for us to realize we didn't wanna lose you two again.

We?

We.

I made the mistake of not coming after you once, Lizzie.

I'm not gonna do that again, no matter how brave you are.

And I suppose you just expect me to go weak at the knees and fall into your arms and cry hysterically and say, "We'll just figure this whole thing out."

A bicontinental relationship with our daughters being raised here and... and there and... and you and I just picking up where we left off and... and growing old together and... and...

Come on, Nick, what do you expect?

To live happily ever after? Yes.

To all the above.

Except you don't have to cry hysterically.

Oh, yes, I do.


We actually did it.

This will be An everlasting love This will be the one I've waited for This will be The first time anyone has loved me

I'm so glad you found me in time And I'm so glad that you rectified my mind This will be An everlasting love for me, yeah Whoa Loving you is some kind of wonderful Because you've shown me just how much you care You've given me the thrill of a lifetime And made me believe you've got more thrills to spare Oh, this will be An everlasting love Oh, yes, it will, now

You've brought a lot of sunshine into my life You've filled me with happiness I never knew You gave me more joy than I ever dreamed of And no one, no one can take the place of you This will be You and me Yes, sirree Eternally Hugging and squeezing and kissing and pleasing Together, forever, through rain or whatever Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you and me So long as I'm living, true love I'll be giving To you I'll be serving 'cause you're so deserving Hey, you're so deserving From now on From now on From now on From now on From now on