The Pastor and the Pro (2018) Script

We are all hypocrites.

We say don't lie, but we lie.

We say don't lust, but we lust.

We say don't covet, but we covet.

We say we've found the way and yet we seem lost.

We are foolish pathetic people tragically suffering from the same ills we claim to cure.

This is how the world sees us.

And if we can't change why should they?

Why call the gospel good news if it doesn't work?

If Christ died for our sins

Why do we keep on sinning?



The Apostle Paul faced a similar conundrum.

Let's open our bibles to Romans chapter 7.

Hey there, Pastor.

Hello, Leah.

Hope you don't mind me letting myself in.

I do mind.

As I've said before.

Great talk today.

Rocked my world as usual.


Are you really getting something out of it?

You give it, I'll get it, Pastor.

But you never speak up in class.

You know, if you're having a hard time following, you could also try the 'Seeker's Study'.

That wouldn't work for my schedule.

You see, I'm pushing 30 and I've got to be where the singles are.

What's it take for a girl to get a little private tutoring?

A change in church policy.


Because I talked to Pastor Campbell the lead pastor and he thought it was a great idea.

Well, then maybe he should tutor you.

It wouldn't be inappropriate for an uncle to tutor his niece.

But he doesn't get me excited about the bible the way you do.

Well, the policy is very clear.

A pastor can't be in any situation where there might be temptation.

I can see how that would be a problem.

If the girl's not into that sort of thing.

Thank you for stopping by, Leah.

Second service is starting soon.

Will you be speaking in it?

Oh, that's right.

You don't speak in big church.

But maybe I could talk to my uncle about that?

That won't be necessary.

I already talk to Pastor Campbell all the time.

Pastor Campbell!

Oh, hello Jacob.

Did you get my email?

Yes, the one about the budget for your books?

No, that was last week.

This one was asking when I might preach my first sermon in the main service.

A good idea for another time.

We only allow ordained pastors to preach here.

Nothing against you.

Just protecting the pulpit, that's all.

I understand.

Which is why I thought now might be a good time to start the ordination process.

I haven't forgotten your desire to be ordained.

Especially since you keep reminding me.

Well to be honest, Pastor, I don't understand why it hasn't happened yet.

And I don't understand the sense of urgency.

You're young, Jacob.

The ordained pastors would all like to be your age again.

When they were my age they were already ordained.

I admire the enthusiasm but there's only so many ways you can say the same thing.

Is there anything specific holding you back?

Anything I can work on?

Just keep up the good work with the membership class and ordination will come in due time.

(knock, knock)



You left your door open.


I'm just gonna close it for you.


I can manage my own door, thanks.

Uh You left it open when you went to the store?

It appears so.

You know that's not safe.

Not with you prowling around.

Did you steal anything?


You could if you wanted.

I wouldn't tell.

Thanks, but I already have all I need.

If you had that you wouldn't stop by.

So how've you been?

All right.

Work's a little slow.

Oh, I'm glad to hear it.

I'm taking new clients if you know anyone.

I don't, but if I do I'll be sure to discourage them.

Why don't you try me yourself?

You'd see I'm worth recommending.

Very funny.

I don't suppose you looked at that job training info I left for you?

To be a secretary?


They can have you job ready in two days.

I make more in an hour than a secretary does in a week.

Yes, but the secretary has less to worry about.

My work doesn't worry me like it worries you.

I know. That's what worries me.

How's work for you?

The same.

Still teaching membership classes to people who are already members.

If you hate your job you should quit.

I don't hate my job. I love my job.

I hate not being able to do it.

Then find someplace where you can.

Life's short.

Actually, life is eternal.

Which is about how long it took me to find this job.

You know I never understood why you all think eternity is such a selling point.

No one wants to spend eternity with you.

Always nice chatting with you, Rachel.

Where are you going?

Keep me company.

I can't.

I have to study.

Come by any time.

My door's always open.


Hello, Jacob.

Pastor Campbell, hello.

How's everything going?

Uh, fine.

I see you haven't wasted much time decorating your office.

I don't mind the bare walls.

I don't look at anything but the books.

Yes, but the decorations aren't for you.

They're for the people that stop by your office.

So they'll know what you're about.

Then they'll know I'm about the books.


So what brings you by?

I was thinking about how you're the only unmarried pastor on the staff.

How's that going for you?

Well, it's difficult to be honest.

I feel like I'm not given the same respect as the married pastors.

Well, that happens.

But what I'm asking is how's the search going?

Oh, that.

Uh Not so well.

Oh? How come?

I guess I'm having a hard time connecting with people since I've been back.

It kind of feels like I'm in another country.


And you never had anyone in Kenya?


Because I was in Uganda.

Ah. Well, you're home now.

And that's what women want - someone home.

And the way I see you smiling it makes me think you found someone.


Oh, I know that look Jacob.

You've got your eye on somebody, haven't you?


Don't lie to your pastor, Jacob.

I would never.

But you're not telling me everything, are you?

Well, there is someone but I've hardly considered it.

Why's that?

There would be quite a few obstacles to overcome.

There always are.

For a worthy lady.

I don't suppose you'll tell me who she is?

I'd rather not.

The more you tell me the more advice I can give.

I appreciate that but I'd rather not.

Oh, okay then.

Jacob, I've a confession to make.

I'm well aware that the lady in question is my niece.

Don't look so surprised.

You must have known I'd learn eventually.

And how did you come to this conclusion?

She told me about your interesting conversation yesterday.

Interesting conversation?

How you were worried about violating church policy if you two were alone because you're so attracted to her.

Pastor, I don't want to give you the wrong impression.

Don't be embarrassed, Jacob.

She's a beautiful woman.

I'm not surprised your passion's been aroused.

Okay, I should clarify.

You see, Leah and I we were talking about church policy, but That's something I should clarify The policy isn't there to keep apart two single people who want to get to know each other.

Okay, but...

I respect your desire to be above reproach.

And because she is so involved with our church you're right in thinking there are obstacles to overcome.

With more appearing every day.

But if you want to spend more time with her my wife and I are having a dinner party on Friday.

I see.

And Leah asked you to invite me.

Oh, hey.

No asking me if she likes you.

You'll have to ask her that yourself.

Listen, you don't need to have a dinner party just for me.

Oh it's for all the pastors.

We do them every few weeks or so.

But this is the first one since I've been here?

The arrangements for this one are different because we have a special guest -

Jim Callahan.

You've heard of him?

Yeah, of course. I've read all his books.

His books on marriage?

Leah will be delighted to hear it.

I studied them for my thesis.

Did you?

Yeah, my thesis on the theology of marriage.

Is that right?

Please tell me you at least read the title.

Anyway, he's looking to expand the Marriage Coalition out West and he's looking for partner churches.

And the dinner is to show him he should work with us?

Working with Dr. Callahan would be a fine feather in our cap.

Churches tend to double in size when he gets involved.

Leah's been begging me to go but I wasn't sure about having someone solo. However, we could make room for another pair.

I'll need to speak with Leah first.

Trust me, Jacob.

She's in if you are.

I'd still like to talk to her.

(knock, knock)

Hey there, Pastor.

Do you have a minute?

Sure, come in.

I'll put some music on.

That won't be necessary.

Oh, straight to the point then.

Something like that.

I had a talk with Pastor Campbell today and he had some funny ideas about us.


See, he seemed to think that our conversation about church policy was my way of telling you I was attracted to you.

Funny because it's true?

I wouldn't come on to someone in bible study.

That would be inappropriate.

Suppose things were different.

Suppose you were on the lady's door step and she was listening with eager ears.

To a lady I had resolved to say such things Yes, that would be an appropriate time.

So you came here to tell me you're not attracted to me.

I came here to clear up any confusion between us.

So there wouldn't be any awkward moments in front of Dr. Callahan.

So you want to go to the dinner but not as my date.

I think that would be the most honest way to do things.

We wouldn't want people to think we were dating.

That would lead to gossip.

Well, what did my uncle say?

Since he was so mistaken I assume you corrected him?

I thought it would help if it came from you.

Since speaking to you was how he got the idea in the first place.

Who knows how he got it but you've let him run with it now.

He might have told Dr Callahan already.

A slight correction. I'm sure he won't mind.

You want him to say that he was wrong?

What an embarrassing thing to say to a man like Jim Callahan.

If anyone needs to make a confession, Jacob it's you.

That is an interesting way to look at it.

You can tell my uncle you don't like me, if you want, and enjoy your Friday night alone.

He's not going to uninvite me.

Don't be so sure.

The other pastors, the married ones, he invited them weeks ago.

But you could have a seat at the table now, Jacob.

One night won't kill you.

(door slams)

Can I come in?

What's up?

I don't know quite how to say this, but I was wondering if I could utilize your services.

Not all of your services, just I need a date.

For what?

A dinner party.

I'm paired with someone I don't want to be with.

So say you're dating someone.

I can't.

I'm a pastor.

I don't lie.

Isn't it a lie with me?

No. With you I can say we have a special relationship.

That's cute.

And a little pathetic.

Maybe, but it will deflect other questions.

Who are the players?

The what?

The other people at the party.

Just the pastors from my church.

And their wives.

That doesn't sound like much of a party.

Why can't you just go with whoever they paired you with?

Because I don't want to marry her.

What does that say about me?

You I can break up with.

I could never break up with her because she's the pastor's niece.

And if people see us together, then we're dating.

And if I say we're not then they hate me.

Then maybe you should marry her.

Not gonna happen.


I'm not interested.

Why? What's wrong with her?


Is she fat?

No, I don't expect you to understand.

Try me.

She's dishonest.


So she's fat.

Look, are you gonna help me or not?

I don't know. Sounds complicated.

All you have to do is stand there and look pretty.

Doesn't that sound better than what you normally do?

Sounds about the same, actually.

Except for the standing.

Then it sounds like you can handle it.

And I'll pay you your normal rate.

I'm very expensive.

I'm very desperate.

All right.

Bring me this amount in this envelope tomorrow and I'll do it.

That's my rate.

Dare you to find out why.

I'll take your word for it.

(door closes)

I apologize for the awkward situation this creates.

But if I were to take Leah it would create an awkward situation for me and Rachel.

Okay, but why didn't you say anything yesterday?

I wanted to talk with Leah first.

And how did she take it?

As well as she could, I suppose.

She must have been bothered by the fact that you want to replace her.

Oh, I didn't tell her about Rachel.

Why not?

Taking Rachel had not yet occurred to me.

I wanted to clear up the confusion with Leah first.

It wasn't until later when I was speaking with Rachel I realized how much an evening with Dr. Callahan might benefit her.

I see.

How long have you two been dating?

I wouldn't say we were dating.

I'd say we have a special relationship.

And you wouldn't feel right dating someone else?

For the present circumstance that's correct.

Well that's fine, Jacob, but you'll have to skip the dinner.

Why? Aren't all the pastors invited?

I'll have to meet her first.

She does well at social events if that's your concern.

I've waited thirty years for this opportunity.

I can't introduce Jim Callahan to a stranger.


I'll set something up for later this week.

I don't want to talk to a pastor.

Why not? You talk to me.

Yeah, but you're not a real pastor.

What? Isn't that what you're always complaining about?

They won't promote you?

Ordain. They won't ordain me.

This dinner could change that.


I know Dr. Callahan's work better than anybody.

I can convince him to work with us.

And if I do that then Campbell can't ignore me anymore.

I see.

So you want to size up with the big boys.

Something like that.

But I can't if I'm not there.

This sounds like more work than standing around looking pretty.

I know.

That's why I doubled your rate.

I'll need more than that.

I'll give you every cent I have.

I'm not talking about money.

I need a favor.

Okay, what?

I don't know.

But I want to know you'll be there for me when the time comes.

I can't promise to do something if I don't know what it is.

Yes you can.

There are certain things I won't do.


Like I won't violate my moral principles.

You won't have to whack anybody, okay?

I'm just following Grandpa's advice.

Always take a favor over money.

I don't know, Rachel.

It's a strange request.

So is yours.


As long as it doesn't violate my conscience I'll do it.

And you can't say 'it violates my conscience' if it's something you just don't want to do.

I wouldn't do that.

I don't lie.

Okay, then.

Let's meet the pastor.


So what's the question?

Calm down. I know what to say.

Well prove it.

Repeat it back to me.

I'm starting to understand why you're single.

Rachel, this is important.

If you ask the right question he'll do all the talking.

What if I want to say something?

You don't.

You want to ask a question. Which is...

Is it a sin to marry a goat?


And can you rationalize dispensationalism with a postmodern non-literal view of the rapture?

That's more like it.

Don't forget - I'm a professional.

I came home one day and saw that her apartment door was open.

She had left it open before.

But this time I decided to go over and recommend that she close it.

And then she said...

If it was closed how would we meet?

She always has an interesting perspective.

It's been to have someone to talk to after work.

An important discovery, for sure.

Where are you from, Rachel?

New Jersey.

I've never been but I hear about it on the news.

What brought you to Washington?

My family.

I had to get as far away from them as possible.

Sounds like there's a story there.

There is.

But she hasn't told me yet so I assume she won't tell you.

Not until we know each other better.

Well that sounds fair.

I was talking about him.

You I would tell.

Should we have him leave?

Would you?

No, thanks.

Well we have to talk about something.

What do you do for work?

Let's talk about something else.

Why's that?

Because Rachel has a question.

And I think it is a fascinating one.

Something he couldn't answer, then?

I'd be happy to enlighten you.

What's your question?

Well first I should answer your original question.

What I do for work.

But the conversation's already headed in a different direction.

I wouldn't want to be rude by not answering.

It wouldn't be rude.

We all just want to have a nice chat here.

And I think your question is very interesting.

I'm starting to think that my work might lead to a better conversation than my question.

Bit of advice, Jacob.

Always let a lady speak her mind.

What Jacob doesn't want you to know is that I make my living as...

An actress.

An actress?

Well that's wonderful.

Why wouldn't you want me to know that?

The church hasn't always been kind to actresses.

He didn't know how you'd take it.

Then he doesn't know me well enough.

I think drama is a beautiful art form.

My wife and I often go to the Shakespeare in the park in the summer.

I've performed in the park.

I read Hamlet once in college.

That play has some interesting spiritual themes.

Don't you think?

It sure does, Jacob.

You must be a good actress to make a living at it.

Oh, yes.

I'm in high demand.

Have you done any films?

Only for the Internet.


I've heard that's a thing now.

I'm too old fashioned to watch movies with a computer.

Have you seen them?


I like her better when she's not putting on a show.

I keep telling him what he's missing out on but he won't listen.

That's impressive.

There are lot's of ladies all across the world who wish they could do what you do.

They already have all they need. They just have to learn how to use it.

Could you teach the ladies at our church?

That won't be necessary.

Like she said - they already have all they need.

Spoken like someone who did not see last year's Christmas play.

I would love any advice you could give on performing in the church.

(door slams)

I didn't want you to lie to him.

I didn't.

You told him you're an actress.

If you don't think that's true then there are parts of my job you don't understand.

All you had to do was ask the question.

Inspiration struck.

And you're overlooking the fact that I completely charmed him.

Yes, but...

It's important to me that we do this honestly.


I'll be good.

(train rolling on tracks)

(knock, knock)

Hello, Jacob.

I've got good news.

You're leaving God for me?

No, good news.

We're on for the dinner.

Pastor Campbell just gave me the word this afternoon.

Aren't you glad I did the talking?

Pastor Campbell was glad.

He recommended you do the same on Friday.

It'll be hard to top my last performance but I'll try.

Anyway, I just came by to say thanks.


You owe me a favor.

I know.

Are you gonna deliver?

Of course.


Do you need something?

Yes. And I'd like to remind you that you already agreed to it.

I know.

So me asking is just a formality.


Because you're gonna do it. What am I gonna do?

You're gonna sleep with me.

You know I can't do that.

I don't mean sex.

I just mean sleep in the same bed with me.


Because I can't sleep alone.

Ever since my boyfriend broke up with me I haven't slept through the night.

And if I don't sleep soon I'll die.

Try warm milk.

I need a warm body.

I'm not supposed to be in any situation where there might be temptation.

There won't be.

I know your rules. That's why you're the only one who can help.

I don't know, Rachel.

I don't think I can.

You said you'd do me a favor.

If it didn't violate my conscience.

How is this any different than what you're asking of me?

You need me to just stand there I need you to just lay there.

Yes, but if we sleep together people will think what people think about people who sleep together.

No one will know.

I would need your word on that.

Want me to sign something?

Wouldn't be the first time.

No, nothing that could be traced.

It wouldn't get back to you.

It's not like we have the same circle of friends.

Mrs. Jenkins in apartment 10.

She knows all the ladies at my church.

If she found out not only would I not be ordained I would be kicked out of the ministry all together.

Because we slept in the same bed?

They'd never believe that's all we did.

Well that sounds like a situation you'll have to manage.

Not something that will violate your conscience.

Would you need cuddling?

No. Not required.

That would have to be a rule.

No touching.

Like sleeping with your sister.

I don't know, Rachel.

I have to think about it.


But if you're a man of your word you'll be here at 10.

With your jammies on.

(whistling music)

Nope. No, there's no way.

(knock, knock)

Shut the door. Quick!

I thought I saw Mrs. Jenkins.

Since when do you lock your door?

Seemed like a night for trying new things.

I need another minute but make yourself at home.

What side of the bed do you want me on?

Uh, the right.

Right facing the bed or laying on the bed.

Laying on your back or your stomach?

On my back. If I'm on my stomach they're the same.

I know. That's why I asked.

So which is it?

Just lay down wherever you want.

I'm gonna take the right side.

What time do you usually get up?

When I'm in the mood.

Whoa, Rachel.

What are you wearing?

My jammies.

Those don't look like jammies.

Not what your sister would wear?

I'd appreciate it if you could put on something a little more appropriate.

I'd appreciate it if you didn't tell me what to wear in my own home.

Perhaps I should remind you that I'm not just a guest.

I am doing you a favor.

I never agreed to wear what you want.

I charge extra for that.

Hey there.

I'm just gonna close my eyes.

Until you turn off the lights. Okay?

You don't need my permission.

I'm just letting you know in case you wondered what I was doing.

I didn't wonder what so much as why.

I must stay above reproach.

Or your eyeballs will fall out?


And then you'd have to put them back in.

Because I'd have difficulty seeing.

(covers rustling)



Nothing. Just... hold still.


What are you doing?

Relax. I'm not gonna touch you.

I could have handed it to you.

You'd have spilled it all over the place.

You know I wouldn't have.

With your eyes closed?

Well just hand it to me and I'll put it back.

You don't know where it goes.

What's it matter?

If it's in the wrong place it will spill.

Well then I'll get out, and then you can... put it back.

Too late.

What now?

This picture isn't straight.

And you have to straighten it just now?

Yes. Or it will bother me all night.

I'm closing my eyes again.



I think I've got it.




Will you take a look for me?

I'm not sure I've got it right.


How's the view?

Yeah It looks Uh, straight.

Thank you for doing this.

I feel better already.

Just remember -

I'm not doing anything.

Can we turn off the light now?


Good night, Rachel.

Good night, Jacob.


(shifting, shuffling)



What are you doing?


(shifting, shuffling)

It sounds like you're doing something.


There. All done.

What did you do?

I told you. Nothing.

It didn't sound like nothing.

What did it sound like?

Like something.

If you must know...

I took off my jammies.


But, you're not...


Yes, I'm naked.

Okay, Rachel.

Put your jammies back on.

I sleep better this way.

This is too much.

It's better for body heat.

You should strip, too, actually.

I will not.

And I will not sleep in the same bed with you while you are naked.

I thought we had a deal.

You never said anything about sleeping naked.

I know the rules. I won't touch you.

Yes, but you're naked.

I'm under the covers. What's the difference?

The difference is you're naked.

Are you thinking about what I look like under here?


Does knowing I'm naked make you picture me naked?

Stop that.

Or maybe you've already thought about it but now it's real.

I will leave if you keep talking this way.

Tell me you've never pictured me naked and I'll stop.

You're doing it right now, aren't you?

Good night, Rachel.

If you leave I won't go to the dinner.

Rachel, I am very uncomfortable with this.

Can you please just put your jammies back on?

I will if you answer one question.


And you have to promise you'll answer.

No deflecting.

I promise. What's the question?

Do you stop by to see any other neighbors or just me?

Why do you ask?

You're deflecting.

No, I'm asking for context.

You don't need it. Answer the question.

Just you.

Why just me?

Is it because you find me attractive?

Why is this so important to you?

Because I think you should admit you don't stop by just to be a good neighbor.

I am trying to be a good neighbor, I just...

(clothes rustling) also happen to find you attractive.


You're attracted to me.

I imagine I'm not the first.

Yeah, but with you, somehow it's exciting.

Like it used to be.

Good night, Rachel.


Good night, Jacob.



Are you a virgin?

I'm starting to think we should have added 'no talking' to the rules.

Come on.

A little pillow talk never hurt anyone.

Are you?

Yes. I'm a virgin.

How old are you?

Older than most virgins.

Is it by choice or lack of opportunity?


What if someone offered?

What would you do?

Say no.

Are you sure?


What if you found her very attractive?

Good night, Rachel.

Come on...

You'll never get any sleep if you talk all night.

Or if I have unanswered questions.

Then ask different questions.

Have you ever been in love?


What happened?

It didn't work out.


She didn't want to be a pastor's wife.

I see.

Would you marry me?


Would you marry me?

Are you proposing?

Yes. What do you say?

I think you just want to know what I would say.

That's correct. What do you say?

I'd consider it.

Consider it now.

You'd have to give your life to the Lord.

Why should I convert? Why can't you convert?

To what? You don't believe in anything.

Yes. Convert to that.

I'd be lying.

Is that what you want?

You wouldn't marry me.


Cause I've done things.

If the Lord can forgive, so can I.

You wouldn't forgive if you knew.

Try me.

You want me to confess?

It might help you sleep.

All right. But only if you go first.

I feel like I've confessed a lot already.

Not compared to what I've got.

Tell me the worst thing you've ever done.

Wait, no. You'll say something boring.

Tell me about the farthest you've ever gone with a girl.

I want the whole story.

What's the matter?

I'm waiting for the story.

Unless is it happening right now?

Rachel, why did you want me here?

To get some sleep.

Well you've made no progress on that front.

And I'm starting to think that's not what you want.

Okay, then. What do I want?

You want to seduce me.

Why does every man I talk to think I'm trying to seduce him?

There's talk and then there's talk.

But it's not gonna happen.

Then why are you so afraid it will?

I'm leaving.

You said you'd do me a favor.

Not that kind of favor.

You seriously think that's what I'm after?

Like I don't have enough of that in my life?

You expect me to believe that after all this you just want to sleep?

I'll admit there is more to it than that.

Which is why I'm leaving.

It was dumb of me to believe you in the first place.

You believed me because you wanted to sleep with me.

Maybe I teased you for it more than I should have.

But I need you to stay.

No, you need a lot of things but a man in your bed is not one of them.

Honestly, Jacob. I need you to stay.

Rachel, stop lying.

We'll reassess our arrangement in the morning.

Good night.

Wait, Jacob. There's something you need to know.

Tell me tomorrow.

(knock, knock)

Rachel? You there?

Who is that?

Ask him yourself.

Come on, Rachel. I know this is your place.

Tell him to go away.

Why do I have to talk to him?

Cause it will scare him.

Just tell him to leave. What's he gonna do?

Break down the door?

He's gonna break down the door?!

Not if he goes away. Just yell at him.

Tell him you're my boyfriend.

I am not your boyfriend.

Just say something.

And be firm about it.

Mrs. Jenkins might hear.

Just ignore him. He'll go away eventually.

I'm not leaving till we talk.

I don't want to talk to you, Phil.

Hey, you acknowledge I'm alive. This is progress.

You're dead to me.


Alive right here on your doorstep.

You should have known I'd find you.

I didn't answer your calls. That meant I didn't want to talk to you.

Well I can't accept that. Not after the way you left things.

Doesn't matter now. I'm with someone else.

He's with me right now.

We're sleeping together.

Leave me out of this.

Did you hear that?

Yeah, he's awful quiet.

But I guess imaginary friends usually are.

He will leave if he thinks I'm with someone.

Just let him know you're here.

(in deeper voice) Uh...

Hey, Phil.

What's up dude?

You havin' a good time in there?

Well enjoy it while you can before she ruins your life!

Listen Phil, Rachel doesn't want to see you.

So you should just leave.


Well if she doesn't want to see me then sure I'll go.

It's all about her, right?

Doesn't matter what I want, does it?!

I'm just her little plaything. No need to worry about me!

Keep your voice down. You'll disturb the neighbors.

You want me to calm down?

Fine. Just open that door.

And we'll have a nice little chat.

How are you in a fist fight?

I am not getting in a fist fight.

You can take him. He's probably drunk.

I can't let anyone see me here.

You think he's gonna tell the church?

Believe me, he does not go to church.

You said no one would find out. No one.

Now what's all this racket?

Nothing to worry about here, ma'am.

Well I know there's nothing to worry about.

Not while the Lord Jesus is on the throne.

Mrs. Jenkins.

It's you who sound worried.

Hollering like a crazy person.

You wouldn't think I was a crazy person if you knew what she put me through.


You know her?

I've been praying for her.

She needs the Lord.

I'll say.

What about you?

Do you know the Lord?

Not in the biblical sense, no.

Then maybe you should spend some time with Pastor Jacob, too.

Pastor Jacob?

He's that handsome young man that's been sharing the gospel with her.

He gives it to her every night.

Is that so, pastor?

What are you doing?

You've been mighty quiet since your friend showed up.

Maybe there's something you don't want her to know?

Just say you're not him.

Pastor Jacob's not in there.

He's in his apartment.

I wouldn't be too sure.

Every night before bed he's in there praying for those that need the Lord.

Like I was before somebody disturbed me.

I wouldn't be yelling if someone wasn't sleeping with a pastor!

How dare you say that about Pastor Jacob!

I'm gonna show you where he is right now.

Uh, hey, Phil?

Yeah, dude?

I'm comin' outside.

Just give me a minute.

Why do you need a minute?

Because I'm going outside through your bathroom window. And you're coming with me.


I can't leave you alone with him.

Then don't. Confront him.

How would I explain that to Mrs. Jenkins?

Come on.

(window opens)

I'll need a boost.


We said no touching.


You can do it. I believe in you.

(grunts) Ah! Ow.

What's the matter?

I'm stuck.

Just pull yourself through.

You're the one who wanted to get out this way.

Just help me.

I can't.

Yes you can. This hurts.

Just come back down. We'll figure something else out.

That'll hurt, too.

Will you get over yourself and just help me?

Okay, um...

If she needs help then it's not against the rules.





You literally left me hanging.

Well it was a difficult situation.

Yeah For me.

Let's go, pastor. I don't have all night.

And neither do I.

I'm gonna take you to Pastor Jacob right now and put a stop to these lies.

We gotta move.

You hear that, pastor?

We're going to your place.

Your friend's gonna be awful disappointed when she doesn't find you there!

(knock, knock)


Mrs. Jenkins.

You see? I told you he'd be here.

Ah, who's your friend?

I don't know his name.

I just know he needs the Lord.

How long have you been here?

Why would you need to know that?

He's all mixed up.

Thought you were in Rachel's apartment.

Yeah. Were you?


I was there earlier.

But I'm here now.

When was earlier?

Why? What's the matter?

Well I was just talking to her and she had some guy in there with her.


Well whoever it is there's gonna be trouble for him.

Cause she's mine, all right? I'm not lettin' her go.

And does she feel the same?

She did once.

Well, if she doesn't now you should leave her alone.

What makes you think you're such an expert on what I should do?

Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your personal savior?


Cause if you haven't I would love to share the Gospel with you.

I'm okay.

Oh, it will only take a few hours.

You see, in the beginning, God created man.

And man rebelled against Him.

Look, thanks anyways, all right?

I gotta go.

That man needs the Lord.

Imagine the nerve. Accusing you of sleeping with Rachel.

That's absurd, right?

Jacob, you aren't sleeping with her, are you?

Mrs. Jenkins One time when Rachel needed help I gave her a boost.

And that is the only time we've ever touched.

That's the way to do it, Pastor.

You save yourself for somebody special.




You couldn't just say 'no, we're not sleeping together'?

That would have been a lie.

You have to lie at some point, Jacob.

We all do.

God always provides a way.

Got anything to drink?




I have to apologize.

For not having anything stronger?

I don't forgive you.

For not listening.

You were trying to tell me about Phil earlier. Weren't you?

I was trying to get you to stay.

Why didn't you say anything before?

I wasn't sure he'd be there. I just heard he was after me.

Is he dangerous?


Have you called the police?

No. That would be more dangerous.

What would have happened tonight if I wasn't there?

I don't know.

He probably would have had his way with me.

Wouldn't be the first time.

I wish you'd get away from all that, Rachel.

You shouldn't have to live in fear of guys like him.

Secretary's have guys like him.

You don't have to be a secretary.

Just something else.

Anything would be safer than what you're doing right now.

What about a pastor's wife?


That job's available, isn't it?

What's a pastor's wife do?

She talks to the people the pastor doesn't want to talk to.

And listens to things he can't tell anybody else.

I could do that.

I bet you could.

Well I should go.

What about Phil?

He'll probably have another drink and pass out.

Or come back more belligerent.

You should stay here.

Take my bed. I'll sleep on the couch.

I can't make you sleep on the couch in your own home.

You're not making me.



I've bothered you enough.

It is sweet of you to offer, though.

I suppose we could share the bed.

You know, like we planned.

Are you sure you're okay with that?


I was before. Why wouldn't I be now?

(bed rustling)


Good night, Rachel.

Good night, Jacob.



There's something in your hair.

Did I get it?


What is it?

I don't know.

Can I?




I am so sorry.

I don't know what came over me.

I'll go.



Promise me no more touching. No more talking.

I promise.

(choir music)

How'd you sleep?

Quite well.

Don't let Mrs. Jenkins see you, okay?

She won't. She watches TV all morning.

Don't let any of the other neighbors see you, either.


Wouldn't want them being too proud of you.

Be ready at six tonight, okay?

Looking forward to it.

Would you like some coffee?


(door shuts)

So what brings you by?

There was something that I wanted to discuss.

But now it seems we have to discuss something else.

It's not what it looks like.

Are you gonna try and tell me she didn't spend the night?

Nothing happened.


Did she sleep on the couch?

With no blankets or sheets?

We did not have sex. I swear.

Well, Jacob.

This does change my opinion of you.

I know we all sin from time to time. But this?

Leah, listen to me...

You know, I cam here to apologize.

My uncle was upset with me and said not to come to the dinner.

So I thought if I asked forgiveness you could tell him it was resolved and we'd all have a good time.

I don't think I want your forgiveness now.

I don't think I need it.

Okay, I can see why you are upset.

Which is why you need to speak with Rachel right now.

She can confirm everything.

And then You don't have to be upset anymore.


So it's me you're concerned about?

You're the one with something to lose.

If I tell my uncle about this he'll fire you.

I don't doubt it.

It would be hard to continue in ministry after that.

I could go back to Uganda.

But it's not what you want, is it?

I wouldn't have come back if it was.

Well, I can keep this from my uncle.

If you'll give something in return.


Dump the harlot.

Don't you dare call her that.

Dump her and take me to the dinner instead.

You want to meet Dr. Callahan that bad?

I could care less about him.

Then why do you want to be there?

Everybody knows we're not dating.

And this is the perfect opportunity to show them otherwise.

I thought your opinion of me had changed.

It has.

But we need each other.

The only thing more pathetic than a single pastor is a single church lady.

I'll be ready at 6.

If I don't see you I talk to my uncle.

Look on the bright side, Jacob.

Time with a godly woman will be good for you.

(door opens)

That woman you saw was Leah.

And she thinks what I thought someone would think.

I had no way of knowing she was there.

I know. This is all my fault.

So what now?

She'll keep quiet.

If I take her to the dinner instead of you.

Are you going to?

I don't see any other way.

She's awful.


Don't say that about my wife.

You're overreacting.

You don't have to marry her. You don't even have to go to the dinner.

If I don't go, Pastor Campbell will want to know why.

If I tell him, he's upset.

If I don't tell him, he's upset.

I have to go.

Won't he wonder why you're suddenly with Leah?

I'll tell him she said something that had an effect on me.

Jacob, there's something you're forgetting.

We did not have sex last night.

So why are you so afraid of someone saying we did?

It's her word against mine.

They'll believe her.

Well, then I think you should go to the dinner.

Thank you for understanding.

I think you should go with me.

Let Leah tell them what she thinks and we'll convince them otherwise.


I don't know.

But it's the truth.

There has to be a way.

They'll question my motives.

We'll have an answer for that, too.

No. Look, none of this is your fault.

You don't have to help me.

I know.

But I want to.

They need to see what I've seen.

(epic music)

(door unlatches)

Jacob. Welcome!

You remember my wife, Clara?


This is Rachel.

So nice to meet you. I've heard so much about you.

This is Rachel.

Is that the best you can do for an introduction?

Women like it when you tell the world who they are!

Don't they, my love.

Well, come in.

Have some tea.

We're still waiting for the man of the hour to arrive.

Maybe she hasn't told him yet?

Either way, you have nothing to hide.

Hello? Is this Pastor Campbell's house?

Dr. Callahan! Welcome!


Always good to see you, Pastor Campbell.

Oh, please. Call me Tom.

You've come alone?

Oh, yes.

Nancy only accompanies me to the sunny states.

Oh, I see.

This is my wife, Clara.

Who, like yours, thinks there are better states than Washington.

And this is our newest member of staff Associate Pastor Jacob Nelson.

And this is his...

Well, I'll let him introduce her I can introduce myself, thanks.

I'm Rachel. And I'm with him.

Dr. Callahan it is just so nice to meet you.

Your commentary on 1 Corinthians 7 was instrumental when writing my thesis.

Thank you.

I actually had some questions about your analysis of verse 14.

Well I didn't bring my notes but I can try.

No pressure, of course.

We've asked you here to talk. Not to lecture.

Excuse me a moment.

So, verse 14.

Do you still hold that the sanctification referenced is different from the sanctification in 2 Timothy 2:21?

Hmm. You have a great memory.

Much better than mine.

I'm not quite sure what you're talking about.

If I could hold all my thoughts in my head I wouldn't have to write them down in a book, would I?

Now, how long have you two been together?

Thank you for this food and time of fellowship.

This we pray in the name of Jesus.



Dr. Callahan, I saw your new book is on the best seller's list.


Thank you.

Oh yes.

I meant to congratulate you on that as well.


That's the third time I've been on the list since they tripled its length.

Well, it's still an accomplishment.

I only feel I've accomplished something if the people who read the book are drawn closer to God.

And how are the numbers on that?

A few that I have heard from.

And hopefully many more that I haven't.

Who has a question about marriage for Dr. Callahan?

Oh, come on.

With all the years of experience at the table somebody must have something?

It doesn't have to be a question.

I'm open to advice as well.

I have a question.

Sure, Leah. Why not?

Someone with zero marriage experience.

My question isn't for Dr. Callahan.

It's for Jacob.

You have a critically acclaimed author here.

Are you sure whatever you have to ask me that now is the best time?


Because I think he'll want to hear it.

Dr. Callahan.

Since you're considering us for the Marriage Coalition I think you'd be interested in the character of our pastors.

Which is why I want to ask you, Jacob why you and Rachel slept together last night?

Leah! What a thing to say.

It's the truth.

And I love the church too much to pretend that I don't know it.


We did not have sex.

However, a certain set of circumstances caused us to sleep in the same bed last night.

Okay, then. We'll discuss this another time.

I think that's a mistake.

Now that the issue has come up I'm sure that it would give Dr. Callahan peace of mind to see it dealt with.

Actually, I'd be happy to have all of you handle this internally.

Wise man. Moving on, then.

Does that mean you've already decided?

Jacob, drop it.

Because there is a perfectly reasonable explanation.

Where are we? Whose table are we at?

Kindly respect my wishes and drop it.

Pastor Campbell, my character is under attack and I must defend it.

So you shall. Tomorrow.

Tomorrow Dr. Callahan will be gone.

And I agree with Leah that he will want to hear this.

And I agree with him that we should deal with it without him.

Pastor Campbell. Dr. Callahan, please.

This is all my fault.

Jacob did not want to sleep with me.

But he did it because I asked him to.

Aren't you curious why?

Okay, then.

For the record, I have no idea what's going on.

It'll all make sense.

You see...

Wait. Can I tell them?

We decided that if it came up I would explain.

I know.

But I'm feeling something in my spirit now and I think it would be better if it came from me.


Before Jacob and I knew each other I had sex with many men.

It was the only way I knew.

I assumed it was only a matter of time before Jacob and I did it, too.

But he was different.

He said no to temptation.

So I tried to break him.

I didn't want to believe that type of character was possible.

Because it would mean that I had failed.

But he was strong.

And I began to see why.

It was his faith.

I wanted faith like that.

And I'm happy to say that I have repented of my sin and accepted Jesus Christ as my savior.

All because of Jacob.

Great story.

That in no way explains why you slept with him last night.

I have a stalker.

I didn't feel safe alone.

So I asked Jacob to sleep with me.

He wanted to stay on the couch but I needed him closer.

Have you ever had a stalker?

It's awful.

I was desperate to feel safe again.

Thankfully there was Jacob.

Well, I'm glad we got that cleared up.

Aren't you, Leah?

(church music)

(music fades)

Jacob There's someone at the door asking to see you.


Excuse me a second.

Are you expecting anyone?

What's up, dude?

Nice play last night.

You actually had me going for awhile.

What are you doing here?

Came for my girl.

She doesn't want to see you.

She doesn't get off that easy.

I'll always find her.

You'll always find her with me.


You're easy to track and not that much of a threat.

Don't be so sure.

I can be awful protective.

You're not gonna protect her.

You're gonna send her out here to me and never talk to her again.

Cause if you don't I'll tell all your friends in there that you've been sleeping with my wife.


She didn't tell you, did she?

See that was the one piece of the puzzle I couldn't figure.

Why would you take her out in public?

And then I realized you don't know she's married.

You're just saying this to get what you want.

Doesn't mean it's not true.

Look, just send her on out here and you can go back to your little tea party.

You could have said all this before.

You're just trying to force my hand.

Right on both counts.

But if we're not married then Why is she trying to divorce me?

I want to see her.


It's Phil.

I'll slip out and talk to him.

They're on your side now. You can take it from here.


Is it true?

Are you and Phil married?

On paper. Yes.

What does it matter?

I've already been with other people.

Yes, and I'm one of them.

How could you do this?

I never said I wasn't married.

Still, you deceived me.

How is that any different from what you're doing right now?

You knew they wouldn't accept you if they knew the full story.

So you found a way around it.

It's just how we get by.

So now what?

I'll deal with Phil.

You stay and keep impressing them.

I'll need to explain your absence.

Leave it to me.

(haunting music)

Well everyone I have to get going.

What? Why?

You're never gonna believe this, but...


Let me tell them.

I've been lying.

To all of you.

Rachel and I aren't dating.

She's just doing me a favor.

So I could have a seat at the table.

Which is all I wanted.

But I shouldn't have lied.

Jacob, now is not the time...

You'll have my resignation letter in the morning.

It was nice meeting you, Dr. Callahan.

I do admire your work.

(choir music)

Are you hiding from me?

No, I just I come out here to think.

Oh, so all the times we talked before you weren't thinking?

I should probably tell you that I'm moving.


To get away from Phil or me?

I haven't decided.

Did he apologize?

For what?

Whatever he did to make you want to leave him.


I cheated on him.

The only thing he did wrong was bore me.

But he still wants you back.

He says if I come home all is forgiven.

Sounds like a good deal.

Sounds boring.

Did you mean it?

Last night when you said you had repented?

What's it matter now?

This may come as a shock to you but I actually believe what I'm trying to preach.

We all need the Lord.

If you remember anything about me I hope you'll remember that.

I'll remember you threw your life away just to prove I couldn't break you.

Oh, you broke me a long time before last night.

Then why are you smiling?

That's what repentance does.

Changes you.

So what now for you?

Back to Uganda.

It's not like home, but neither is home anymore.

And I have what I want there.

They treat me like a real pastor.

Well, for what it's worth, you were always a real pastor to me.

I should get going.

I'd give you a hug but I know how you are about touching.




Hello, Jacob.

Pastor Campbell.

Got your letter.

I sent one to the elders as well.

Following church policy even to the end.

Why did you want to work here?

I wanted to be a pastor.

But why here? At my church?

When you clearly don't like me.

People I like are hard to come by.

That's true of all of us.

Sinners that we are.

But why my particular church of sinners?

I thought you wanted me.

Dr. Callahan isn't gonna work with us.

Just so you know.

I'm sorry.

Don't be.

You were the only one he liked.

He described your confession as the only point all evening when he knew someone was being honest.

And he recommended I follow your example.

That is humbling to hear.

Yes it was.

Well... this is it.

I wish you all the best.


Would you consider staying on?

Why? So you can win over Dr. Callahan?

Oh, no.

That ship has sailed.

But there's still a chance I can follow his advice.

I want to see you ordained.

I wasn't holding back because you're single.

I was single when I was ordained.

I wanted to be sure that you believe in what we do here.

Or what we try to do, anyway.

Sorry it took such an embarrassing spectacle to prove it.

Don't be embarrassed.

Confessing sin shows the need for the very Savior we proclaim.

I just wish it didn't sting so bad but there seems to be no avoiding it.

Would I get to preach in the main service?

Every once in awhile, sure.

And if you show me more respect than you have in the past I could do the same for you.

There is one more thing you should know.

I have no desire to date your niece.


Fair enough.

Well, can I count you in?

Of course.

Otherwise I'd be a hypocrite.

(soft music)