The Perfect Match (2016) Script

Excuse me, hi.

You dropped your keys.

They were back there on the ground?

Yeah, right over there.

I'm a klutz. I'm so sorry. Thank you so much.

Holly.

Charlie.

Charlie Mac?

The photographer?

No way! I follow you on lnstagram and Tumblr.

Really? I'm not a stalker, though.

No, no. I know a lot of stalkers.

You don't look like one of them.

Your photos, they're amazing.

Thank you, it's really just a hobby.

I'm an agent.

Listen, I hope you don't mind me saying this... but you look way better in person.

So, my pictures suck?

No! I... I'm joking, I'm joking.

Thank you. Thank you.

So, hypothetically speaking...

Right.

Say I might know somebody... Okay.

...who might want to do a photo shoot with you.

You might know somebody that might want to do a pho...

Well, this whole hypothetical situation, let's see.

They would have to stop by my studio... and then, go on from there.


Give me some more of your high energy.

Just stay having fun with it.


That was amazing.

Great shoot.

Hey, check this out.

"Hashtag Throwback Thursday."

Aw! Aw, that's cute!

Who would've thought this little boy... would turn out to be a porn director?

Wait, you're a porn director?

No, I'm not a porn director.

I just did it one time to pay for school.

Leave Rick alone.

Where was that at?

That was in front of Charlie's grandmother's house, right?

Yeah, that was the day Charlie and Sherry moved into the neighborhood.

I can't believe that was 20 years ago.

What was 20 years ago?

Here he is! You were 20 years ago.

What up, man?

Charlie Mac is in the house. What's good?

My dawg, what up? You good?

Hey, guys, this is Fawn.

Uh, Fawn, this is everyone.

Hey, you know what, Fawn? I'm gonna move like this...

Oh. Hi, Fawn.

Well, Charlie and Fawn, this is Dana.

Charlie, Dana is my friend that I was telling you about.

The one that I invited here tonight so you could meet her.

Nice to meet you. Nice to meet you, too.

So, it's "Fawn", like a baby deer?

No, like "Dawn", but with an "F."

We are so glad you could join us.

So glad. Speak for yourself.

Have we made a decision? Perfect timing, um...

Let's get everybody a round. Okay.

And I'll take a Manhattan. All right.

How's the wedding planning going? Great. New subject.

Okay. How's life at the agency?

Oh, we're kicking ass, man.

Things are going great. Tavaysha is killing it.

Uh, I just signed Fawn, here.

She's a big Vine star.

Say what? That's a thing?

Duh. It's like, YouTube star.

Okay, um, well now that everyone is here...

I would like to ask a question.

Here we go.

And as I always say... you don't have to answer if you don't want to.

Well, before you ask your question... let me ask you a question.

Did you ask NetNews if we're gonna get paid for all these surveys?

You work for NetNews?

I have literally always wanted to be on there.

Oh, well, Ginger is a relationship columnist for them so here's your chance.

Uh, Ginger, you got some questions to ask?

Um, okay, um...

What is your deal breaker in a relationship?

Oh, that's simple.

I couldn't be with anyone who doesn't want a family.

Well, I couldn't be with anyone who doesn't give head.

Baby, I'm talking about family and you talking about giving head?

Oh, I'm not talking about giving it, honey.

I'm talking about getting it.

Okay, okay. Stop. Dana, what would yours be?

I would say, my deal breaker would be...

I don't know.

I feel like relationships are so up and down... that if two people really love each other and communicate... there would be no deal breaker.

I like that a lot.

Chuck, it's your turn.

Uh, I don't do relationships... so I don't really have a deal breaker.

Oh, does Fawn know that?

Oh, I couldn't be with anyone who, like, doesn't work out.

No offense. You're talking to me?

I don't understand you.

I don't get it. I don't get why you don't do relationships.

Come on, are we doing this now?

Maybe that's our cue. I think I'm gonna go to the ladies' room.

I'm just gonna go take some pics out front.

You take some pics. You send me some pics.

You Snapchat me.

Why do you do it?

Do what?

Bring these little dinky girls around.

I mean, you've been doing it since high school, okay?

You're about to be 30 years old.

It's time to grow up. Doesn't it get old?

Nope, it stays right around 20.

Whack. It's not whack.

You know what? All I know is that you are not bringing... one of these little floozies to my wedding.

You're right. I'll bring two floozies to your wedding.

Hey, Victor, can I have a plus two?

You don't...

That is not funny, Chucky.

You know I hate that name.

Gloves off now.

You don't want to take it there?

You're lucky I didn't call you something worse.

And if you keep it up, you're gonna end up with a plus zero.

Thank you!

Why would you even bring her... if I told you that I was gonna bring Dana?

I'm not trying to date Dana.

Why not? Because she's your friend.

And you guys know my rules.

You and these fuckin' rules. Come on.

We gotta do the rules again?

All right, don't touch my camera, don't wear heels in my house... and don't be a friend of my friend... 'cause I won't date you.

That don't make no damn sense.

It makes perfect sense.

You guys know how I am with women.

As soon as I have sex with them... it's like all of my interest magically disappears.

And I don't know what to do after that.

So, uh, you know, if you hook her up with me... she's gonna end up hating you... it'll destroy your friendship, and I don't want that.

You know what? Actually, that is probably... the most mature thing you've said in a long time.

You have a point.

Plus, I thought she'd be fugly, like the rest of your friends.

Oh, man, you were doing so good!

Most of her friends are ugly!

Remember Erica? Erica was beautiful.

Nate the Animal! What up, Charlie?

My man.

The usual, please, sir. Let me get a Greek Goddess with cayenne...

And dark chocolate. Coming right up.

Wait, hold on, Nate. I'll have Sunny D with a shot of love, please.

Of course you will. Thank you.

Charlie, I'm starting to think... that us meeting at this juice truck... is your way of avoiding deep conversation with me.

I kinda feel a bit hurt.

Hi, sister. Hi, baby.

You never call me anymore.

I texted you yesterday.

That's so impersonal. That doesn't count.

The sound of a human voice, it does things to our soul, to our heart.

Okay. Okay?

By the way...

I'm going to Mom and Dad's grave on Sunday... and I think you should come.

I'll try. You need to start dealing... with your issues, Charlie.

I think that's why you have so many walls up.

You know, your heart is frozen because of your emotional immaturity... and your unwillingness to accept that you are deeply scared of love.

Charlie!

Hey, you. Uh...

Hi.

Tammi.

Tammi. Tammi, looking good.

You look fantastic.

Then, why have you been avoiding me?

I'm not avoiding you.

I texted you, I called you...

Tammi. Let me stop you right there.

It's... It's Tammi, right?

No, don't put the wall up.

Come back, come back.

Look at me.

I'm guessing you've got daddy issues.

That's why you seek approval in these shallow relationships...

I'm not that shallow.

That only leaves you feeling depressed.

Do you go to sleep every night crying?

Bottle of whiskey by your bedside, huh?

Watching re-runs of Friends... feeling cheap and unwanted?

I've been there.

Hey, I helped Miley Cyrus.

I can help you, too.

Who is she?

I've never met... I'm his sister, and I'm a therapist.

And baby, I think you need a hug... and my card, okay?

Look, I do pro bono work. I just...

You might not be able to afford me...

'cause you know, I've upped my prices recently...

Thank you. But I...

I'm gonna call you. You do that now.

I'm gonna call you.

Listen, I'll be the mom you never had.

Your daddy loves you. Are you...

Is she flirting with me right now?

You men always think you don't need therapy.

It's hilarious.

You know, I have this client... wrote this whole song about how he's not worried about anything.

Turns out, that's all he talks about in therapy.

How he's worried about this, worried about that.

Got a girl, and maybe she doesn't think his penis is big enough.

He's worried about that. And you know what?

Comes in every single session with a monkey... clutching it, like it's his baby blanket.

You treat French Montana? What?

Rapper, monkey... No!

Ain't Worried About Nothin'?

How did you get French Montana from that?

Because he has a monkey.

No, that is not who I'm talking about.

He has a big record called Ain't Worried About...

It's not French Montana.

Do you know how many people have pet monkeys?

A lot of people have them, yeah.

Morning, Charlie.

Nick.

Good to see you. Good morning, Terri.

Hi, Tiffany.

Good morning, Kareem. Good morning.

Is Dallas in my office?

No, Dallas is in Texas.

Really? No, really, actually he is.

He sent his protege Timothy DeLaGhetto.

He's inside waiting for you. Got it.

Roll my calls in 30, and my coffee.

It's already on your desk, sir.

Black, two Stevias, next to the trades.

Yes. And again, no "sir," okay?

Call me "Charlie," "Charlie Mac." Don't call me "sir."

Yes, sir. I mean, Charlie.

Charlie Mac.

Stupid joke.

Timothy. Hey, what's up, man?

I like that coat. It's nice. Thank you.

Thank you so much, man.

You are on fire right now.

I'm trying, man.

What is it, three million followers on YouTube?

Yep.

600 million views was the last email?

600 million views.

Love it. So, what's next?

That's why I wanted to talk to you.

I think I'm ready to start this new project.

I'm trying to be like the Asian Will Smith.

The Asian Will Smith? Yeah.

TV, movies, Grammys, all that.

I love it. I love the ambition. All right?

We're gonna slow it down just a little bit.

Now, back to YouTube...

Abram, I'm here with a client.

A client?

Who is he?

An important client.

Okay. It doesn't matter.

I have real business to discuss.

Could you excuse me?

Yeah.

I'm sorry. I didn't shake hands.

What's the very short version?

Marty is about to call us in the conference room for a meeting...

'cause I just signed this huge company.

They have a shitty product, but it doesn't matter...

'cause they threw a shit-ton of money at it.

And of course, I told them I could recoup the money.

I just need a brilliant plan from you, my man... to make sure that the agency doesn't get fucked in the ass... for the next 20 years with lawsuits. You know what I mean?

I hate when you do that.

Hate when I do what? Sign big companies?

And why are you still riding on that?

Why do you not have one of these?

We're about to be in The Jetsons season.

Premiere Edge, Charlie Mclntyre's office.

Conference room in five minutes. Okay.

That was Marty's assistant.

He wants to meet you in the conference room in five.

All right.

Give me everything you have on...

Mobilo Tech Industries. Mobilo Tech Industries.

Text it to my phone immediately.

And tell Tim "I'm sorry...

"something came up." All right?

We'll re-schedule, as soon as possible.

No, he won't because this is more important.

It's great to meet you. Thank you so much.

Thank you.

Sit down.

Good morning. Who was that?

Mobilo Tech. Have you heard of them?

No. Neither has the rest of the world.

They created an app that was obsolete before it even launched.

And what does this app do, you ask?

Blocks unwanted callers.

So, what's the problem with that?

Cell phones already have that feature on the phone.

You're goddamn right!

I can go to my iPhone right now... scroll down to my skank ex-wife's contact... and hit "block this caller."

Normally, I would tell these guys to drive their non-pussy-getting hybrid... off the San Francisco Bay Bridge... but I can't 'cause we're courting their parent company.

Oh, it also has a retina scan component... for testing your emotional state... or some sissy bullshit.

Look, these guys lost me at "hello."

How do we give these sagging tits a facelift?

You lost weight. You look great, Marty.

Ah, thanks.

Back to this app. Me and Abram were just meeting about it.

We have some great ideas.

Just need a little time to flesh it out.

Great, you've got till Wednesday.

Yeah, I need a happy ending by Wednesday.

Good talk.

I got no idea what I'm gonna do.

I gotta come up with something brilliant, man.

I've never even heard of Mobilo Tech.

I didn't think you were gonna make it.

I thought you had to work.

Nah, my freaking boss cut back on my hours.

Permanently? I don't know.

But it couldn't come at a worse time.

Do you have any idea how much peonies cost?

What's a peony?

I don't know, but they sound expensive as shit.

This wedding is killing me.

And I had to deal with Ginger talking about... you bringing Fawn to dinner all night.

My bad. "My bad."

It wouldn't hurt if you would just try to get into a relationship.

Like the rest of us. No.

What happened to Ginger's friend, Dana?

She was fine, but that's not the point.

Listen, man, you know my rules.

Yes, I do know your rules, and those rules are stupid.

They're very smart rules. They're ridiculous!

Strategic rules. Especially the shoe thing.

It doesn't make any sense.

If you take a girl's shoes off... you're one step closer to taking her pants off.

Slide move. That works?

Yeah. Plus, it's sanitary.

They don't scuff up your floors.

You've gotta think, man.

Starting to make a little bit of sense. Hey!

There he goes. Uh-oh, come on.

Shut up and run. Come on, struggle bear.

You can do it.

You said you've been working out, man.

Fuck you.

Are you thirsty? You want some water?

Water is for pussies.

You were talking crazy about Fawn the other day.

You couldn't go one round with her in this shape.

Please, sex-durance and hike-durance are completely different shit.

Pressie and I have been having sex, like, 10 times a day... trying to have this kid... and this is way easier than that.

What'd you just say?

Motherfucker, I know "sex-durance" isn't a word.

Get off my motherfucking back. Wait, wait.

I think Chucks is talking about... you saying you and Pressie are trying to have a kid.

I said that out loud? Yeah, you said it out loud.

Are y'all trying to have a kid or not?

I thought I was using my inside voice. Yes, we're trying to have a kid.

That's awesome, man. Congratulations.

Why you ain't tell us, man?

Stop messing around. Stop messing around.

She's not pregnant yet.

Wait up!

You put it...

Okay, this is some Fifty Shades shit. I can't.

Look, I told you, I don't want all of this stuff at my bachelorette.

Where else are we gonna find little cups with penises?

Besides, I'm... I'm not only here for you.

Oh, you and Rick use toys?

Not usually, but we need something to spice it up.

Trying to have this baby is a haze.

And I never thought I would say this.

I think I hate sex.

Oh, no! That's not good.

Oh. Yeah, I'm gonna need this.

Oh, girl, you do not want to get that water-based lube.

Trust me, it'll dry up so fast... and your man will be going in, and you'll be like, "Oh, hell no."

Get the silicone base.

Oh, yes, definitely.

Excuse me. Uh, hi.

You just seem very educated on the subject.

Um, my friend here, she's trying to spice up her sex life.

Do you have anything that you would suggest?

Do I? How much time you got?

Girl, you must be trying to have a baby.

Me and my man went through the same thing.

All right, uh, this miniature whip... is good for when he's slacking off with the stroke.

Give him a little pow.

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'...

Nigga, I ain't worried 'bout nothin'...

I don't understand how she does that.

I don't know why you don't want to see her again.

Guys, I've moved on.

Look, you should too, all right?

Man, I'm just trying to live vicariously through you.

Nate!

Hey, Charlie. The usual? Yes, sir.

Hey, y'all want anything?

Nope. Cool.

And make sure to send me the schedule for the juice truck next week.

Absolutely, man. I'll do that.

Hot dog! Yes, sir!

Hey, Caroline. Hi.

You, sir.

I gotta say, all these one-night stands... I think you're missing out, brother.

I'm with Vic on this one.

Guys, what the hell am I missing out on, all right?

You jack off to pictures of the women I date.

Okay, first of all, that was one time.

And you said you weren't gonna say nothin'.

Is that the chick?

Holy shit. That's her.

Who?

Don't... Don't look. Don't look, all right?

What am I not looking at? Guys, stop looking.

She's right there.

That's the dime piece I was telling you all about... from work the other day.

She left before I could holler.

God damn, I would tear that ass up.

Hey, hey, it's not always about sex, Charlie.

Says Mr. Celibacy.

Hey, I bet if you were with a woman... and gave it a shot you'd get caught up.

That you could actually have a conversation with.

No, I would not. Yeah, you would.

No, I wouldn't. How do you know?

You never even tried.

Yeah, because I know me, all right?

Look, you've been dreaming about being with Ginger since we were kids.

You've been dreaming about having little Ricky's running around.

I've been dreaming about making money, driving a fast car... and fucking models. We're not built the same.

I call bullshit. Bullshit, homey.

Sorry, you're just covering.

You are trying to protect yourself from falling in love.

Dude, I don't know what y'all are talking about, man.

All right, so take us on a bet.

You date a woman till Vic's wedding, and see if you get attached.

The same woman.

What does that mean? So I gotta date one.

I could smash other joints.

No, no, no, no, no, no.

You don't get to date and smash.

It's a package deal.

Date one, smash one. One.

So I gotta date one girl and hang with the same girl?

Yes, dating and hanging. That's kinda how it works.

Until his wedding.

My wedding.

Deal. I'll take you up.

One woman until Victor's wedding.

And when I do this... the two of y'all will agree to never bring this shit up again.

All right. And when you don't do this... our reward will be finally seeing you happy.

Nah, I don't like that reward. No?

My reward idea would be something like a 3D, flat screen television.

You know what? Let's keep it 100.

How about this?

When you lose this bet...

I get to deliver the best man's speech at his wedding.

Are you okay with this?

I am all kinds of okay with it.

Deal. To the eye's.

To the eye's. I got you.

Make it real. To the eye's.

Greek Goddess, cayenne, dark chocolate.

Idiot.

Oh, I'm sorry. That's...

This is mine.

That's a Greek Goddess with cayenne and dark chocolate.

That's my drink.

Eva.

I saw you earlier this week at Premiere Edge.

Yeah, you did.

So... So...

I'm a dime, huh? Yes, you are.

And you would tear my ass up.

Oh, shit.

You heard our conversation.

Yeah, you boys were kinda loud.

I'm sorry. Let me make it up to you.

That's okay. Don't worry about it.

No, no. Hold on. Hold on.

Here's my card. Let me take you out.

No, but thank you.

I know your type. You're the Lothario, right?

The Lothario?

Yeah. You think you know everything about women.

You could teach me what I don't know.

You couldn't handle me.

Greek Goddess with cayenne and dark chocolate.

But good luck with your bet.

Oh, shit, man.

It's all good. I probably deserved that.

Sorry about that, Charlie.

I got this. It's all good.

It's all... Don't worry about it.

That was very valiant of you, Charlie.

Your drink is ready.

Damn.

Hey, Kareem, I need that research on Mobilo Tech.

Sir, um... Send it to my... What are you...

Hello?

Avatia is here.

She wants me to purify the space before she comes in.

Karen, you know you're supposed... to schedule with Kareem and not just show up?

What are you... I'm sorry.

I'm using the purification app.

Seriously? What are you doin'?

Avatia is driving me nuts.

She's driven everyone away.

Just about everybody has quit. The housekeeper has quit.

The feng shui specialist has quit.

Do you know her Italian Greyhound ran away?

Only it didn't run away. It went to a neighbor's house... because it just wanted to get away from Avatia.

Okay. Okay, Karen. Calm down, all right?

I'll fix it. Send her in.

That's all, Boris.

Avatia. Seriously?

Oh, my spiritual advisor says that I should conserve... my personal energy whenever I can.

And it's good to keep your feet off the Earth... for at least an hour a day.

You know couches do that, right?

Oh, so all this on Twitter about you acting like a crazy diva is true?

You know what? I don't appreciate that, Charlie... but my advisor says that I can't engage... in any negative facial expressions.

So, Karen does that for me now.

Karen.

You gotta be kidding me.

Oh, y'all are serious?

Boris, whole purification act.

Babe, this is all hurting your fan base.

People want their stars to be relatable.

Right now, your fans are unfollowing you... as fast as they're creating memes about you.

Karen.

Look, Avatia. I believe in you... but this is a big opportunity.

You're up for a major part in a Marvel film.

But the studio is not gonna hire you if they think you're gonna be trouble.

I am not trouble.

That... Did you spray that in my hair?

No, no, no. ...is trouble.

You know, I know you.

You do this every time you get afraid.

This is a new career for you. I get it.

Listen, the director and his team want to meet me.

Yeah, that's fine. I'll be right there with you.

They said alone.

I'll fix it.

Okay? Okay.

You and me, we'll take this first step together, okay?

All right, now, I want you to get up.

Boris, stop. Just stop, all right?

Just stand down.

We'll take this first step together, okay?

Cut all that craziness out.

But my spiritual advisor says...

Should concentrate on your spirit.

I got your career.

Okay.

You go, you pop star, you.

Okay. Bye, bye.

Knock 'em dead. All right, now.

Oh, my God. Charlie, you are like...

The Diva Whisperer. Yeah.

Thank you. All in a day's work.

You know, that's what I do.

I heard. You did my friend Julie.

Julie...

Did you not call her?

Yeah.

I'm worried about your karma.

I thought I... I didn't text her?

This is my gift to you.

Namaste.

I'm surprised you texted me.

I'll admit, I'm intrigued by your situation.

You really think some people... aren't meant to be in relationships?

I believe everyone's different.

So, you've never been in a long-term relationship?

No. You?

I've never been in a short relationship.

So why are we here?

Well...

I'm not sure that you're my type, Charlie.

But I like that about you.

Well, I'm not sure you're my type.

Really? Yeah.

What's your type? Fun...

No expectations.

So, no strings, right? No strings.

Well, you might be right. Maybe I'm not your type.

But...

I wanna try something new.

Something different.

But I can't be in a relationship right now.

So, what are you saying?

So, I'm saying... keep your phone handy.

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'.

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'.

Kareem. Ridin' round with that work...

Strapped up with that Nina.

Got two bad bitches with me Kareem?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I was just talking to my ex on my phone.

And I'm worried. I mean, I'm not worried.

You know, 'cause I got it all under control.

And there's nothin' to worry about. No, no, no.

It was... Stop. No need to apologize.

It ain't nothin' to worry about. I'm sorry.

That's brilliant.

That shouldn't have happened, at all.

Get my sister on the phone.

Yes, uh, I'm calling from Charlie Mclntyre's office.


Too thirsty.

Sir, uh, Charlie. Not "Sir Charlie."

Your sister's on the line.

Tell her, I'll hit her from the car.


Hey. Hey.

I wasn't sure you were still coming.

Me, either.

Um, uh, water.

Yeah. Thanks. Yeah?

Do you... Do you want still or sparkling?

Holy shit.


Think you might have busted my lip.

I'm sorry. I get pretty excited.

No need for an apology.

I'll get you some water.

Thank you.

Do you actually have wine?

Yep. As a matter of fact, I do.

Is this a LaChappelle?

No, actually. It's mine.

You have a great eye. What do you shoot with?

I used a Nikon D700 for that.

But you know, what I really want is a vintage Leica.

It's just hard to find. Those things are like tanks.

You into photography?

It looks good on you, by the way.

Well, I'm into a lot of things.

Really? Really.

Cheers.

That's good.

What is this?

It's Carmenere.

I call it the House of Cards wine...

'cause that's what they were drinking on the show.

It's so good.

This is the same wine that Claire Underwood drinks on the show?

Don't... Don't do that.

Don't try to act like you know about House of Cards... to, like, connect with me.

That's like... Don't try to do that.

Stop.

You're into House of Cards?

Who isn't into House of Cards?

That's my show. I love that show.

So, this situation, then?

It's just fun.

No attachments. No strings, right?

Look at this face. All fun, no attachments.

None of that. It's all fun?

Yeah. Okay, yeah.

Well, good. 'Cause I need fun.

You do? I do.

I need fun. Who doesn't?

Give me another one. Come here.

Hey, baby. Close the door.

Baby.

Okay, I know I have some strong swimmers... but I don't think they could swim that fast.

I'm not one of your hussies on your dating show, Rick, okay?

I'm a fucking lady.

Close the door!

Hey, I'm gonna go down and make some hot cocoa.

You want some? Of course I do.

All right.

Here's your hot cocoa with all the accoutrements.

I got some tiny marshmallows... got the whipped cream... and a little bourbon to take the edge off.

Rick! What?

You know I can't be drinking.

If that test in there comes out positive... our baby's gonna come out with her eyes too close together.

Babe, I was playin'. The bourbon is for me.

Why you playin'?

What if something is really wrong with us?

There's nothing wrong with us, honey, I promise.

We've been trying for seven months.

Yeah, that sounds about right.

You just got off of birth control.

Just because you love vagina doesn't mean you're a gynecologist.

I never said I was a gynecologist.

I just think you're overreacting.

And by "overreacting"...

I mean we just need to give it more time.

Oh. Yeah.

Look, if the test is negative, we can always try again.

Oh! I don't wanna have any more sex.

What? This shit has become work... and I don't wanna work.

I wanna be a stay-at-home mom.

I hear that.

If you hear that, put the whipped cream down.

I want a baby.

Come here.

Look, if the test is negative...

I promise we'll go to the fertility specialist.

For real? For real.

You promise? I promise.

You're crazy. You know that, right?

I know. Yeah.

I like that about you, though.

Let's go see if we got a plus or minus.

Come on. Come on.

French Montana. You're Charlie, right?

Yeah, man. What up?

We met at Puff's house at the pool party that time.

No, I remember.

You got them big endorsement deals, man.

The big money man.

Yo, now, that's what I do, man.

Try to make money for my clients, yo.

It's so random running into you here, man.

The universe must be bringing us together...

'cause I got a deal on the table... that will be a big check for you, man.

If you're talkin' them kinda numbers you got him, man, sign me in now.

All right, let's do this, man.

Stop by the Premier Edge office. Let me sign you up.

Hold on, before you sign me up, dawg...

I gotta make sure your swag is right.

Make sure, you know what I mean?

French, it's Charlie Mac you're talking to.

Make sure you rollin' in the hannghhh!

I got the hannghhh! Hannghhh!

Nah, you ain't got it.

But I fuck wit' you, though.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Yeah, man, so, I mean, let's exchange numbers...

Put my number in your phone.

If you find any kind of deal, you know.

Okay, yeah. Charlie.

Nice to meet you.

I gotta check in with Julius real quick.

Yeah, listen, I'm great with managers.

Send him my contact info. Tell him to call me.

We'll work it out.

I like that suit though, playboy.

Thank you. You know, I'm keepin' it together, man.

You look sharp. I need a chain maybe.

Yo, I gotta ask you, man.

If there's only three of y'all... why does everybody drive their own car?

Space.

You never know who you gonna kidnap by the end of the night, my brother.

Now, you make sure you use that contact.

Will do, man. Let's make this money.

Did you catch him? Yes.

Well, I hope it was worth it.

That was on the verge of being unethical.

I mean, in fact, I'm pretty sure I was completely unethical.

You owe me big time, little brother.

I'm taking you to lunch.

A real lunch? A real lunch.

A proper lunch? A proper lunch.

No juice? No juice.

That makes me so happy.

That means we'll have time for a good long chat.

There's so much that you and I need to discuss.

Because you're at a pinnacle age right now...

No. Mmm-mmm. Not happening.

We're not talking about my personal life, okay?

But I do need to know about French's manager.

Who's this dude Julius?

Oh, Julius, yeah. He's the one that referred me to him.

He's a monkey.

But he's a very reasonable man, monkey.

All right. Listen, I would not underestimate Julius.

He's important to that man's life.

I don't know if you're playin'...

He's his guide. He's his spiritual teacher.

Would you please slow down?

I don't even know how you walk so fast in those shoes.

Okay, this is the place in LA to get your wedding cake.

They're, like, booked up five months in advance... for a cake tasting appointment, we can't be late.

Yes, but online, it says they give out boxes of free samples... with no appointment necessary.

So it's not even... Okay, you know what?

We cannot get our wedding cake from a sample rack.

But it's so sweet that you took interest in it, baby.

You, like, went online and did...

Thank you.

Did you know that Oprah said... if she ever got married that she would get her cake from here?

I mean, we're just like Oprah.

Why would I know that?

Hello. We're here for the cake tasting.

Jesus Christ.

Fuck me!

I'm sorry.

Um, baby...

Yeah, so listen.

Oprah probably isn't getting married at this point... so we should probably take that as a sign... and then get our cake from somewhere else.

No! We're gonna get our cake here.

With all your extras. Come on.

Enjoy. Thank you.

Thank you, sweetheart.

Here we go. Yeah. Looks delicious.

That's delicious.

It is. It tastes really expensive.

Carrot cake.

Is it 24 karats for 6,000 fucking dollars?

Well, take a seat, gentlemen.

Marty will be right with you.

Thank you.

Can I get you anything, Charlie?

No, I'm good. Thank you.

What's up.

No, please. Don't worry about me, Chesty.

I'm fine. I wasn't thirsty anyways, you know?

Thanks for asking.

Abram. Abram!

Just try not to be offensive for the next 10 minutes.

When am I ever offensive?

Fine. Here's the deal.

We're gonna walk in there. You're gonna let me do all the talking.

You just nod your head... give an occasional "It's a no-brainer" here and there, all right?

Long story short, just don't fuck this up.

I'll be as smooth as Barry White after a bikini wax.

Okay, send them in.

He's ready for you.

Okay, gentlemen. Knock my fuckin' socks off.

It's a no-brainer.

We need new talent.

We need to work from the talent we already have... and we need to find a way to make this app relevant.

I have a way to... We have a way to.

We have a way to do all three.

Explain.

I signed French Montana. Who?

I ain't worried 'bout nothin'.

Ridin' round with that Nina.

Ridin' round with that AK.

It's his song. I'm just gonna be...

Well, that's fan-fucking-tastic, Charlie.

How'd you do it?

I promised him a multi-million dollar licensing deal with Mobilo Tech.

Elaborate.

First of all, this app doesn't suck.

You see, most smart phones don't seamlessly block... all of your unwanted calls or texts.

This app does.

It also blocks them from your social media... but that's not the most revolutionary part.

Sir! Sir!

It uses retina recognition technology... to determine your emotional state of mind.

So before you get to drunk dial, it saves you.

I mean, it's kind of just like the alcohol breathalyzer thing.

You know, you breathe into it before you drive the car.

I... I don't have one.

Secondly, another one of my clients is a big YouTube star.

Millions of followers.

We're gonna get him to post an "organic" video... about blocking an ex-girlfriend... but then missing her.

Getting a little too drunk and going to call her... and then getting saved by the app.

Meanwhile, we'll have French Montana's...

I Ain't Worried About Nothin' playin' in the background... because he won't have to.

And now that we own the licensing to it... that video is gonna be shared... tens of millions of views.

Here's the bottom line.

Our YouTube star is gonna get some big advertising dollars.

French Montana gets a big licensing fee.

Mobilo Tech's downloads? Through the roof.

And the best part is, Marty... we get a piece of all the action.

It's a no-brainer.

Oh, uh, Kareem, go on without me.

Yeah, I'll see you downstairs.

Hello.

Hey.

A phone call.

No, I know. Everyone texts.

I like phone calls.

It's more personal. Not that we're personal.

Well, it just so happens... that I have an opening in my schedule for lunch.

You know, that's such a coincidence.

I have an opening in my schedule for lunch as well.

Really? Really.

Have you ever been to Red O on Melrose?

No, but I'm sure I could find it.

See you there in 20 minutes?

Nineteen.


That was great. Unbelievable.

Bye.

See you later.

I'm coming.

Hi, hello. How are you doing?

It's all yours. It's all yours.

Yo, yo! Here we go.

There he is. What's up, Vic?

You know, I'm good. How're you?

Good to see you.

Well, look who decided to bless us with his presence.

Don't do that, all right? You just sent the text five minutes ago.

Look, we had a date scheduled with our DVR.

We want to watch six episodes of Power. What's goin' on?

Oh, I'm sorry.

What was so important you had to tell us in person?

Do I have all your attention? We're here, yes.

Come on.

Well, you guys are now looking at the senior editor... of the Lifestyle section of NetNews.

It's me.

I did it!

Nice!

Hold on, hold on. So, what does this mean?

Full creative control over the whole thing?

It is. And they, uh... they doubled my salary.

That's worth a toast.

All right. Gettin' that paper, baby.

Thank you.

I'll be right back.

Now you can pay me back that money you owe me.

Yes. Yes.

Yo.

Yo, man.

You seem a little bummed. That's good news, man.

It is. It is good news.

Hey, man. Good news. Good news.

Yep, okay.

So, I have a question for you guys.

Would you come to my wedding if it was in a park?

Fuck, yeah.

I'm not sure your fiancee would, but I'd be there.

Clearly, we're talkin' about something else.

What's up? You know what?

I don't even wanna talk about it.

New topic. You. The bet.

What's the update?

Oh, you know what?

This might cheer you up, man.

Now, seriously...

I met a girl.

I told you.

I mean, this girl is special, man.

When she walks in the room... it's like I hear Michael Jackson's Butterflies.

Like, you remember how you felt at the end of The Notebook?

Dude, oh, really?

It's like that every... Really?

Yes, it's like... No, man. Come on, guys.

What the fuck is wrong with y'all, man?

Dawg, you think I'm gonna fall for some...

No! The sex is amazing. She's cool, but I'm good.

Not everybody wants that.

You're a dickhead, man. A shitty human being.

Thank you. What more should we expect from the guy... who put out a "wanted" ad for a fuck buddy in college, right?

I don't know what you're talking about.

We're getting old. We're getting very old.

Yeah, but you like 19-year-old girls, so it doesn't matter.

Check it out. Check it out. Look, look, look.

You know what?

How are you, man?

Can I get a round of whatever they're drinking sent over... and my card, as well.

Thank you.

What?

For after the wedding. Seriously.

'Cause after I win this bet...

I'm gettin' right back to where I started.

Why are we friends with him?

'Cause he's the best ho we ever met in our life, man.

Man, that dude would fuck everything.

Coffee's bad for you.

What's up, champ?

Don't you think it's strange Marty's coming down here?

I've never seen him out of his office.

Maybe he's coming to give us a handjob... and tell us we just made partner.

Good morning, gentlemen.

Morning, sir. So...

I was lying in bed last night, thinking.

I often do my best thinking after a nice rub and tug... and my thoughts reflected on... are we eking out the most profit we can from this deal?

The French Montana deal?

No, the fucking Vanilla Ice deal.

Yes, the French Montana deal.

You're planning to put him out on tour, yeah?

Yeah, absolutely. I actually wanted to tell you guys...

Drake's people just called.

They wanna go out on tour with him.

Wow! Did you tell him yet?

No, not yet. Don't.

Let's put him out on the Premier Edge tour we're planning to promote.

He'll be our headliner... shining his light on our clients that we're aiming to promote.

That's brilliant, sir. Thank you.

Sir, sir? Hold on.

That doesn't make sense.

Why would he do the Premiere Edge tour... when he'd make way more money if he went on tour with Drake?

Right, but Premiere Edge will.

He'll be the headliner.

First time, the first guy through the door.

And it's good for the ego.

What, are you banging this guy?

No, sir.

Whose name are on your checks, Premiere Edge or French Vanilla?

Premiere Edge.

And it's French Montana, sir.

Make it happen.

Good talk.

Why are you arguing with Marty?

We just signed French, and the first thing we're gonna do is screw him?

Technically, it's the second thing.

I mean, you just signed a huge multi-million dollar... licensing deal for him.

That's not the point.

We still gotta tell him that Drake wants to go out on tour.

Believe it or not, I agree with you.

It is fucked up, okay?

But we work for Premiere Edge, and that's how they do business.

Yeah, but that's not how I wanna do business.

We can be better.

I think you're too close to this, man.

Just give it some time to think about it, okay?

I mean, besides, it's not like it was a suggestion.

You feel me?

Out.

Okay.

Hey. Hey.

How you doing? Good.

You okay?

You seem a little distracted.

No, I'm fine.

Why you ask that?

Because you usually try to take my clothes off at the door.

Do you want a drink? Yeah.

Vodka?

Yeah.

And do you want a double?

Double, please.

Are those, uh, Tim Biskup?

You got a good eye, you know that?

I love his stuff.

Me, too.

So, you know, it's okay if you wanna do this another time.

No. No, no. It... It...

None of this is about you.

It's... It's work.

You know, it got me stressed out like a motherfucker.

They want me to do something that's just crazy.

So, then don't do it.

What, just like that?

No one's holding a gun to your head.

It's not that simple.

You forgot to take your shoes off.

You know what you need to do?

How is this not porn?

It's on MTV.

No, no.

Thank you, ladies and gentlemen... for another episode of Dating in the Buff.

That's a wrap.

Hey, hey, hey, hey I bet you're thinking about all the ass... you're not gonna get after you're married, huh?

A little bit. A little bit.

Thanks for calling us out, baby.

Hey, anytime, anytime.

I figured butt naked females on the beach... is a great break from wedding errands.

Yeah, yeah, that definitely beats... picking up centerpieces for sure.

That cost $150 a piece.

Oh, Jesus.

Here I am in front of half-naked women...

I'm talking about centerpieces.

I think I left my balls in the trunk.

Dude, why are you so stressed?

'Cause I cannot afford this wedding, y'all.

But Ginger just got a huge raise.

So my wife has to pay for her own wedding.

That doesn't sit right with me.

Come on, man. It's not like you have a choice.

Ginger is who we're talking about.

She's gonna get the wedding she wants, regardless.

Speak of the devil.

I should get goin'.

Plus, it's not like having a sugar mama is that bad.

It's not like you're a bum.

I wouldn't mind having a sugar mama.

I think I'd be a good stay-at-home dad.

Well, it's not like you could ever bring your children to work.

Look at you.

I mean, it could be worse, right?

I mean, you could be getting your balls man-massaged tomorrow.

What? What?

I said that shit out loud?

Yes.

All right, look, I promised Pressie I'd go with her to the fertility clinic... after she cried at the thought of having sex with me again.

Ouch.

I'm sure everything's gonna be all right, brother.

I hope so.

It's those Brazilian briefs you've been wearing.

It cuts your circulation off. Your squirt game is probably poor.

There's nothin' wrong with my squirt game, okay?

And it's not the Brazilian briefs! I knew it.

Have you seen the population in Brazil?

His squirt game is terrible. Shut the fuck up!

Dude, I'm playin'. Co-signed it.

150 million!

My sperm count's higher than Robert Downey Jr.'s net worth!

Bam!

You must be very proud.

I am very proud.

I got the Michael Phelps of sperm.

They got little gold medals around their little sperm necks.

Yeah.

Why are you rubbing this in my face?

What?

No, baby, I'm not rubbing anything in your face.

Oh, no, no? No.

Do you realize that this means that there's something wrong with me?

No, no, no. No, no, no.

I was talking to my boys... because they were making fun of my Brazilian briefs.

That's all. I don't see your boys!

You know what I see?

I see this little insensitive asshole... who's gonna figure out where he's sleeping tonight.

Baby... You think this is a game.

I don't think this is a game.

I think I just got 150 million score on my sperm count.

Callate! Callate!

Baby, I...

Well, how am I supposed to get home?

You know how you're gonna get home? With your super sperm.

That's how you're gonna get home.


Hey, what's that?

I didn't know I was being watched.

I thought we agreed on no strings.

No, you can't open it yet.

Why not?

'Cause it's a surprise for your birthday.

Just wait on it.

You didn't have to do that.

I know.

What?

Nothing.

But I have an idea.

It's gonna have to wait.

I'm not ready since the last round.

I wanna shoot you.

No, I don't think so. Yes. Yes.

There's this place I've been wanting to shoot.

It's in Venice and it's beautiful.

It's... It's gritty.

You'd be perfect.

I don't want your thousands of lnstagram followers... looking at photos of me.

I won't shoot your face in a recognizable way.

We'll make the whole thing mysterious.

One condition.

I'm listening.

Promise to get your photographs published.

People should pay to see your work.

You really think that much of it?

Yeah, it's that good.

Okay. Now can we shoot?


We got it. I'm happy.

Next location.


It's getting late, and I have to work tomorrow.

Work...

I completely managed to forget about work today.

The whole day.

Your job doesn't seem to make you too happy.

I don't know.

I mean, I'm great at it.

I make a lot of money.

It keeps you humble.

Well played. Well played.

I don't know. I guess lately... it's just been a place to collect a paycheck, you know.

And today...

Today when we were shooting... that was awesome.

That was the most fun I've had in a long time.

That made me happy.

Maybe it's time for a change.

Maybe.

Come in.

I really have to go, Charlie, I'm sorry.

One last kiss?

Just one.

Okay, one more after that.

One more.

One more.

Sorry.

Press kicked me out for the night.

I'm sorry. He's rude.

I'm Rick. You must be mystery woman.

It's a pleasure to meet you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Rick was just leaving. Charlie.

No, I really gotta go. No, you really don't.

No, your friend here looks like he needs some boy time.

I could totally use some boy time. I'm just...

You boys have fun.

It was a pleasure meeting you.

Nice to meet you, too.

Really?

You gave me a key.

That was like two years ago so you could watch my iguana... which I haven't seen since.

You know, I kinda feel like... he's in the house somewhere still, you know?

She's fine. Wow!

Holy shit, dude.

Yeah.

My man.

Come on.

Wow!

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I didn't mean to stop the love train... but look, Press kicked me out.

She told Ginger not to let me in.

And so you were my last option.

You know there's such things as hotels?

But you got all this space.

All right, man. What'd you do?

I don't want to talk about it.

"The Michael Phelps of sperm"?

Yeah, I said it...

I might've got a little too excited. I'd say so.

This the last one. All right.

Pressie's worried that something might be wrong with her.

I told her she's overreacting, but I don't know, man.

End of the day... these things always have a way of working themselves out, you know?

You guys are gonna be fine.

You guys love each other, man.

Holy shit.

Charlie Mac just said something positive about love.

It's that badass chick, isn't it?

She's got you good, huh?

Maybe, it's the Tequila talking, but maybe just a little bit.

"Maybe a little bit," huh?

I might have to bring a plus one to Victor's wedding after all.

See, that's not a little bit, that's a lotta bit, motherfucker.

I knew it. You don't lie to me.

Lie to your girls, not me, man.

I knew it. I knew it. You just like me.

Before I say something I regret... this is over, this is done.

All right. Clean this up, man.

Yo, you trying to sweat this alcohol out before the fitting tomorrow?

I am not. Yes, you are.

I'm waking you up, man.

Hey.

I'm happy for you.

It's just a girl, Rick. It's just another girl.

But I am happy for you.

Get it, get it, get it! Fill 'em up.

Enjoy. Merci.

Enjoy. To the family.

To the family.

Three amigos forever, right?

You know what?

It's good to see you finally enjoying yourself, man.

Hey, did I tell y'all I got super sperm?

'Cause I do.

We're up in here sipping expensive champagne... trying on clothes I can't pronounce.

Shoot.

So what if you gotta sell your ass to pay for it.

But we livin' the good life right now.

We livin' the good life. This is good stuff.

Shit. Look, you might be right about selling ass... judging from the price of this damn coat.

Jesus.

Hey, look, look, at the end of the day... as long as Ginger gets the best man...

'cause that's what she deserves, right?

Thank you, Morris Chestnut.

Are you gonna hold up this mirror? All right.

Hey, look. It's my wedding, okay? Are you done?

Come on, I look good as hell in this jacket.

She might be gettin' the best man, watch out now.

Come on. There's no room for you.

Hey is there another mirror around here?

Of course.

Right there. Thank you.

...let us choose our own dresses. I know.

Ladies.

That looks so sexy on you.

Your fiancee's a lucky woman.

Congratulations.

I am not getting married. I'm the best man.

Yes you are.

You look amazing.

Thank you.

Oh, my God. Eve, that is the dress.

Please tell me you know that's the dress.

Oh, it looks beautiful. It's perfect.

Oh, I can't even talk anymore.

I love it.

See? This guy can't even keep his eyes off of you.

Isn't she gorgeous?

Yeah.

You look beautiful.

Thank you.

Yo, I heard there was fine-ass females...

Oh, shit.

Yo.

Um, hi. I'm Rick.

Yo, I'm out, man.

Yo.

Sir? Sir?

The jacket.

Yo. What's going on?

You gotta check this out.

Merde, alors. This is America?


All right.

You geta five-star rating, buddy, five-star rating, man.

We gotta do this again, sometime.

Hey!

I know you.

I'm sorry I left so soon.

I didn't get to congratulate you earlier.

Charlie, don't.

No, I'm serious, congratulations.

Congratulations.

You make for a beautiful bride.

He's a lucky, lucky guy.

Does he know that you're still fucking other men?

Stop it, Charlie!

Stop what?

Asking logical questions?

I mean, clearly, I should have asked... a couple more from the start, right?

No strings. That's what we said.

You knew what you were getting into.

No, you knew what I was getting into.

It's so easy to say "no strings" when you're already attached to someone else.

I wasn't attached.

So I'm your rebound guy. Is that what I am to you?

Men can bounce around from woman to woman... but if I do it, I'm a bad person.

That's not fair.

What's not fair is the fact that I'm standing here... looking like an asshole... in love with a girl that I can't have.

We have a connection... but what we did isn't love, it's fun.

This is love.

Why not give us a chance?

Lust is easy, Charlie.

Love is complicated.

It's not that complicated.

I know how I feel when I look at you.

I'm getting married, Charlie, and that's not gonna change.

Then why are you even here?

Because I wanted to check on you.

I don't need you to check on me!

Uber got my back. I'm fine.

Adios, Eva.

Where the hell is he?

Hey, Kareem.

Yes, sir? We're waiting, like, 20 minutes.

Does Charlie know the meeting time?

Uh, yes, sir, he does. Let me check his work cell again.

You know what? Let me check on him.

Good idea.

Where are we? Well...

We're on time, and growing impatient.

You guys could have started without me.

No, we actually couldn't.

Look, Charlie...

I know you have some reservations about this deal... but we need you to get behind this.

We need to lock in the tour dates.

We need you... Look, I'm on board.

What? Really? Give me the paperwork.

I'll have him sign it.

Good talk.

Surprise!

Happy birthday!

Happy birthday!

Congratulations. Mission accomplished.

Okay.

I going to lay down... and I'd be pleasantly surprised if y'all got the fuck out.

Hey, hey, hey, hey.

You need to chill, man.

What is your problem?

Look, I had a long day at work, okay?

I'm tired, I'm good.

Thank you, all right?

Look, we went through a lot of trouble for you, bro.

Yo, we're not 10 years old, bro.

Look, why don't you go through this much trouble at work... so you don't feel like a bitch...

'cause your girl make more money than you.

Wow.

You need to check yourself.

I need to check myself?

Yeah, you need to check yourself.

I need to check myself, Rick?

Well, why don't you start by checking yourself, huh?

Why don't you start with your girl?

Why don't you tell her how you really feel?

We all know that having a family is a deal breaker for you.

You want to have kids. Your girl can't get pregnant.

Dude, what the fuck are you...

Yeah, seriously.

It's okay. No.

What the fuck is your problem?

What the fuck is my...

You're just miserable.

What the fuck is my problem, Press?

My fucking problem is... everybody acts like their life is so perfect.

Everybody's fucking perfect... but me, but Charlie.

Kareem, get the hell out of here.

Get the fuck out! Why are you even here?

Yo, are you serious right now?

Am I serious?

Am I serious?

Guys, listen, man.

We don't have to do this, man.

Why don't you take your ass, go home... and let me be alone, okay?

Why you gotta be such an asshole, man?

No, no, he's not being an asshole.

He just wants to be alone.

You know what?

It's so crazy because you do that so well, Charlie.

What's that?

Be alone.

Let us know how that works out for you.

Thank you, Ginger. You need to grow up.

Okay.

Sad. Sad?

Victor, you got shoes on in my crib, man.

You got shoes on, motherfucker.

You guys know my rules!

I got rules!


I thought I'd find you here.

What the hell happened last night?

You know what happened last night.

I'm sure they told you, so you can go back... and tell them I'm fine, all right?

Yeah, you don't seem fine.

I'm fine.

I'm not letting you off that easy.

What is this, therapy?

I'm here because I love you.

Talk to me. What happened?

I called some people out on their shit.

That's what happened.

What? Why?

Why should you be calling anyone out on their shit... unless you're willing to look at yourself?

Sounds to me like you were lashing out.

Come on, you had your heart broken.

It's okay.

You're gonna go through some pain.

She used me.

She fuckin' used me, Sherry.

I'm never doing that again.

How many women have you used?

Don't do that.

Karma's a bitch, isn't it?

Look, I'm gonna keep it real with you.

You set yourself up for this.

Did you learn this on your first or your second marriage, Sherry?

Or any of your failed relationships, huh?

You're such a great therapist... but how come you can't figure it out?

I learned this when our mom and dad died.

What the fuck...

What do they have to do with this? Everything.

No. Yes.

You don't think Mom and Dad's death... has anything to do with the fact... that you're afraid of losing your friends to their relationships?

That you're scared of committing to one of your own?

You've never dealt with Mom and Dad's death.

You will never go with me to visit their grave.

Why?

You're gonna really push me away?

I guess you're gonna have to figure this one out on your own.

I guess so.

Well, I'll be sending you love and light.

From afar.

Very far.

To French Montana and this deal.

Ah, yes.

I am pigs-in-shit excited... about having you being a part... of the P.E.A. family.

A new member. Yeah!

And I would be remiss if I didn't thank the agent... that brokered this deal, my personal Pit Bull...

Charlie Motherfuckin' Mac.

Not only do you have the vision to make it in our business... you have the cojones to last.

French, you ain't gotta worry about nothin'.

Let's celebrate, Julius.

Let's celebrate.

French, don't sign that, man.

What? Why not?

What a kidder.

It's not the right deal for you.

Charlie, shut up.

Hey, you wanna be a big star, right?

Of course.

Then, don't listen to him and sign the deal.

Man, what the fuck is going on, man?

You been kissing his ass all day... all this sappy shit about how he's the man, praisin' him.

Now all of the sudden you're telling me don't sign the contact.

What the fuck is going on, man?

No, no, no. I wasn't kissing his ass.

I was blowing smoke. There's a difference.

What'd you think about this shit, Julius?

Look, French, even Julius can tell this is not right.

Look, you won't make nearly as much money on this tour... as you would on the one we didn't tell you about.

Drake's people called.

They wanted to go out on the road with you.

What? I should have told you, man.

Charlie, what are you, illin', yo?

Let's keep it 100%.

I mean, this is youth and inexperience talking here.

He's all about the money right now.

I'm talking about a legacy.

You can't put a price tag on the exposure that you'll get... headlining your own tour.

Marty, shut up!

Stop it. Stop lying.

French, the only reason we're trying to push you into this deal... is because it benefits Premiere Edge.

Don't sign. All right, that's it.

You know, shut up.

Security!

You're fired.

That was the whole point.

Good luck, French.

Good talk.

I'll live in his house for the rest of my goddamn life if I have to... but I am through with this marriage!

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Look at this. Why's it flippin' out like that?

Side-boob on fleek. Look at this.

Stupid! Charlie, look at this.

Oh, my God. He's so lame, right now.

Hey.

Hey!

Wow, that is such a waste.

Wow.


So what's going on, Charlie, huh?

I wanted to apologize.

You know, I was a real jerk.

On my birthday, and after.

I understand.

But yeah, you were.

Okay, you're really not gonna make this easy for me, are you?

It's not supposed to be easy.

Especially within these four walls.

All right, well, I'm sorry. Okay?

Well, hold on a second. Sit down.

What exactly are you sorry for?

I'm sorry that I hurt... and pushed away... everybody in my life that means something to me.

Keep it coming. And I'm sorry... that our parents died.

All right, let's dig in, okay?

Let's go deeper with this.

What are we doing? Therapy?

Well, no, I'm your sister. That would be illegal... but we're talking and I'm a therapist.

And let's not get off track.

We've got some momentum going here.

What are you grateful for?

What I'm grateful for? Yes.

I'm grateful that I am finally learning to grow up.

And I'm grateful I have some awesome friends.

And I don't know if I've ever said it... but I'm grateful for you.

Aw, Charlie.

I am so proud of you.

That'll be $300. No, seriously.

I think you'll feel better if you pay for it.

I've already had lunch.

You're... Stop. Stop.

Come here.

You're taking advantage of my vulnerability right now.

All right? Look.

You were pretty young when Mom and Dad died... but they had a great marriage.

I got to see that, but you really didn't.

I think that's probably why I believe in love... and why you don't.

You're good.

But I have to tell you something.

Do you know what makes me happy?

It makes me happy that you had your heart broken.

What? Why would you say that?

It means you had the capacity to love.

And that, my little brother, is a beautiful thing.

All right, now that we're good...

I gotta patch things up with the crew.

I don't even know if I'm still invited to the wedding.

Just 'cause you were a jerk doesn't mean they don't still love you.

Okay, everybody! Everybody, back to one!

Come on, let's go, flower girl.

Let's go, ring bearer.

Bridesmaids, groomsmen, everybody, let's go.

Back to your starting positions.

We're gonna run this one more time.

Somebody tell this chick this isn't brain surgery.

Walking down the aisle. Left, right, left, right...

Smile. I think we got it.

Hey, bud. Yeah, okay.

Hey, Press.

Any room for another best man?

I'm sorry, Rick. So, he's the best man, now?

Okay, come on. Come on, people.

Come on, come on, let's go.

Bridesmaid, with the best man.

Don't look at me. There you go, there you go.

Okay, and when they get halfway down the aisle... the rest of the wedding party begins. There you...

Okay, slowly, slowly, slowly. And smile.

Smile.

Okay, that's nice. Let's go.

Look, man, I'm sorry about everything...

Hey, you don't even gotta say it, man.

Okay, excuse me. You two can deal with your bromance issues... on your own time, all right?

This is a wedding, okay? I need you to focus.

All right? Just... Just focus.

All right? Focus.

Yeah. Who is that?

I don't know, but apparently she's high as hell on cocaine.

Bride!

Ah! About time, you little jerk.

I deserve that.

I'm sorry.

All right, just come on. Come on.

Oh, okay. All right, come on, come on.

Handsy!

I just want everybody to remember... a wedding is a magical moment... that every bride should cherish... as she goes through those long, hard, trying... seemingly insurmountable, Mount-Everest-like years that lie ahead.

This is the day that will comfort her... as she weathers the storms to come.

Okay? So, come on, people... just stop playing around and let's get it together, all right?

Pastor, commence.

It's straight.

Hey. Hey.

So, am I still getting the silent treatment from you?

I don't know, I haven't decided yet.

What can I do to speed this up? Please.

Maybe you can start off with some free babysitting.

Yo, I told you. Super sperm.

Congratulations. Congrats.

It is about time, but didn't you just pee on that?

Why is it on the table?

That is just nasty.

You're not going to be able to fit into your dress.

All calories count.

By the power vested in me... from the state of California... as a servant of God, I now pronounce you man and wife.

You may kiss the bride.

Ladies and gentlemen...

I present to you, Victor and Ginger.

You always hear people talk about fairy-tale weddings... but you never really hear people talk about fairy-tale love.

And that's what we're witnessing.

That's what I've been witnessing for the past what, 20 years?

Yeah.

'Cause where else other than a storybook... would a 10-year-old boy... with dashing, handsome looks...

Hey, hey, hey.

...meet a beautiful princess... fall in love... and never have eyes for anyone else?

I love you.

He never did.

Good. And I'm a bad influence.

He's terrible. He's terrible.

A good friend told me... that there's nothing more important in life... than going after what you love... or in this case, who you love.

And while there might not be any perfect people, guys... there are people that are perfect for each other.

And trust me...

Ginger and Victor... you two are my best friends.

You guys are my...

You guys are my family.

And I just... I hope that tomorrow... brings you more happiness and more joy... than any of us could have ever imagined.

I'm just happy that I... that we were here to witness it.

Guys, lift your glasses.

To Victor and to Ginger... the perfect match.

The perfect match!

I feel like I could have taken some of these.

I highly doubt that.

You see, it's a little different than shooting porn.

One time in college, man.

"One time." One time in college!

Look at him. Look at him.

His parents would be so proud of all of this.

Charlie, I love this. Where'd you shoot it?

I shot that one in...

I know they are proud. I mean, we're proud.

You know, it took him a lot to get here.

Real talk, this is impressive for a first gallery.

Yo!

Yeah, dawg. That's my man!

Looks like you've got a dress shirt on.

Congratulations. Thank you.

Thank you so much for coming.

Hey, how's it going tonight?

You know, it's been a tough journey... but nights like tonight... let me know I made the right choice.

God is good. Yes, he is.

Yo, yo, yo, yo, look!

Dude, act like you've seen a celebrity before.

I'm just saying, but it's...

I'll be right back, guys. Thanks again.

French! What's up, my bro?

What's goin' on? What up, baby?

Congratulations, man.

Ah, thank you. I had no idea you were coming.

Man, look, as soon as I heard about it, man...

I had to come through, you know what I'm saying... and support my guy, man. Thank you, man.

And I wanted to tell you...

I appreciated you, man, for that wack-ass deal at Premier Edge.

Yeah.

That was real honest of you, man. You know?

Yeah, I'm so sorry I got you caught up with them to begin with.

How'd you hear about this?

I got my ears to the streets, man. Come on, man.

No, my agent put me on. Who you with now?

Actually, man, them dudes right there.

Abram and Kareem.

Hey, man.

Welcome the whole team back.

Yeah, man.

You know, I was hating how Marty was doing that Premiere Edge... so I left shortly after you did... on some Jerry Maguire type shit, right?

So, I guess that made me Cuba Gooding, Jr.

You know what I'm saying?

What, is that Sevyn Streeter? Oh, shit.

But we doing real good, man. You know, a lot of good things are happening.

A lot of sponsorships. You know what I'm saying?

Chico, bring the cash.

Okay.

Oh, oh. Well, all right.

So, like I was saying, you know.

You know, we could always use somebody like you back home, man, you know?

With the agency definitely, you know, we need you back.

No more agency life for me. I'm at home right here.

What?

Hannghh. Hannghh.

You still don't got it.

But you know what?

Bring me your most expensive one.

It's the least I could do for you.

Consider it done.

Congrats, my brother. I'm really proud of you.

Remember one thing, man. Stay black.

I don't know what else I would do, but thank you.

I don't remember receiving payment for the use of my image.


It's good to see you. You, too.

You look good. So do you.

This is amazing, Charlie.

It's been quite the journey.

I can imagine.

You know, I never got to thank you for that camera.

Did you get a chance to use it?

Look around.

Wow.

So, how's married life?

It's different.

Challenging.

Wonderful.

Eva, why are you here?

Believe it or not, I heard about this from my husband.

He's an art dealer, and he told me about this amazing exhibit.

And it turns out it was yours.

That's crazy. Yeah.

You know, I'm really sorry for the way things ended with us.

Me, too.

But I want to explain myself.

You don't... Because I feel like you deserve...

Eve, you don't have to explain.

Look, our lives were completely opposite.

I was with the same man, Kevin, since I was in high school.

But when it was time to get married, he got cold feet... and I decided to test the waters... with you.

I'm glad I did what I did.

And I don't regret it.

I'm just really sorry that I hurt you.

You don't have to apologize.

You know, for the first time since my parents died...

I actually felt something.

I actually allowed myself... to feel something.

That never would have happened without you.

Goodbye, Charlie.

Don't forget to send me that check.

Look, Keish and Jackie will do hair and makeup.

It'll be fine. All right?

Yeah, Abram, just make sure Kim's on time.

All right, I got you, man. Later.

Got an apple-beet- carrot-ginger-volcano. Extra ginger.

Thank you, Nate. You're welcome.

Oh, I'm sorry. I don't think that one is yours.

Apple-beet-carrot- ginger-volcano, with extra ginger.

Charlie.

Oh, wait. Charlie?

Dana. You're Ginger's friend.

Right. Right.

Good to see you.

How's Ginger? Have you talked to her?

She's great. She's really happy.

Did I miss you at the wedding?

Yeah, I was out of the country... and I just got back two days ago.

I was so bummed I missed it.

But how was the wedding?

Well, the best man's speech was awesome.

Hey, are you with anyone?

No.

You wanna sit and chill?

Out of the country, where'd you go?

Oh, I went to Dubai.

Dubai. Yeah.

You still don't have any deal breakers, huh?

Me? Yeah.

Do you still have all of your rules?

I got rid of the rules a long time ago.

Cheers. Cheers, good to see you.

It's good to see you, too.

It's funny, after dinner that time, I thought of you.

Did you? Yeah, your smile.

You got one of those light-up-the-room type of smiles.


I'm out here doing man shit, all right?

Back up. You gonna make me?

Oh, I'll make you.

How you gonna do that?

I'm gonna man handle you. That's what I'm gonna do with you.

Guys, I'm standing right here.

I'm right here in front of you.

You wanna join?

Yeah, yeah, I like that.

That's nice. That's nice right there.

Hey, let me ask you a question. Yes?

You got Hermes?

What?

I didn't say, "Herpes." I said, "Hermes."

Hermes, Hermes. Yes.

My man. Hey, you owe me.

I got you.

I will see you gentlemen later.

I am off to get a stress release massage... if you know what I mean.

She knows what I mean.

You shouldn't text and walk, Charlie.

You have an obstacle course in your office, Sherry.

What is this doing here?

This is a great object of design.

In fact, it makes my clients feel very comfortable and relaxed... because it feels like nothing ever ends.

Circles are good. They would be good for you.

I don't feel comfortable.

I don't feel at all warm, fuzzy...


Isn't she gorgeous?