The Singing Detective (2003) Script

That the guy

That's the guy.

Does he get to screw her first?

Sure. She can be coming and going at the same time.

What's your poison?

Saucer of milk.

This looks like a cathouse.

Think of it as a kennel.

Consider it thunk.

So...

How much is that doggie in the window?

Which one?

Lot of mongrels, this place.

The one with the waggedy tail.

l do hope that doggie's for sale.

Dee dum!

lt's a crummy tune, mister.

But otherwise...

Otherwise? l'm your fluffy little pooch.

What'd you say?

Okay, so you want to be a dog.

No, no, l just want to shit on the sidewalk.

How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggley tail.

Hey. l like Patti Page.

But does she like you?

We're in business.

Come on, l got you, -l got you. -What are you, new?

Yeah, l been dealing with you for three months.

Close the blinds.

All right, l'll get the blinds in a minute if you'll give me a second.

Close the fucking blinds!

That fuck.

Do you know who l am? l'm the Singing Detective.


Quote, come on, exclamation mark come on, comma, bitch, exclamation mark, unquote, he panted...

Come on!

Come on, bitch!

Oh, yeah, yeah!

Come on.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

He panted... as he drove his... throbbing... into her...

What the fuck you trying to do?

Tear me open, what?

ls the water? What is that?

What is that?

Let go! No!


l don't want a parrot that talks l don't want a bowl of little fishies He can't take a goldfish for a walk How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggley tail?

How much is that doggie in the window? l do hope that doggie's for sale No...

That's wrong. That's my...

She's my...

Woman love, hey, hey, hey Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey Hey, woman love, hey, hey, hey Well, l went to my doctor not so long ago A-walkin' in a circle and moanin' low He looked at me and said, ''Good Lord above, son You need a vaccination of a-woman love''

You are... Mr...?

Dark.

Daniel Dark. Very inflamed.

How are you feeling today?

Extensive lesions.

Temperature through the roof. Difficult case.

We moved him to a private room after several disruptive outbursts. How long have you had psoriatic arthropathy...?

''Ow wrong?''

Since Pearl Harbor.

26 years.

And do you have much movement

-in your joints? -Not very...

Hydrocortisone injections all major joints including the toes.

And the history?

-Oh, initially, coal tar. -Right.

-Then gold injections. -Mm-hmm.

Butazolodin, lndomethocine.

Not successful.

The courses Prednisone, Prednisolone, lengthening. PUVA, not successful.

Then Methotrexate after positive liver biopsies.

Oh, well, then, excuse me. Much nausea?

Do you, uh, vomit, yes, mm?

Y-yeah... lnduced neutrophenia. Wart-like lesions.

Removed. Withdrawn.

You're, uh... he's hyper...

You're hyperventilating.

Um, are you experiencing some kind of visual dislocations?

-Mind tripping? -l think...

Oh, yesterday he said there was a dog in the bed, uh, chewing his ankles.

Okay, things are not good here.

Um, how do you feel about Mr...

Dark, how would you feel about one of the new Retinoids?

Hmm? lt... it-it wasn't my ankles. lt was chewing my balls.

l see.

But what l'm asking you is if you understand the question...

No! l don't!

Because l have regressed into the pathetic condition of total dependency, Doc. ln short, and in the vernacular, l'm a fucking kid again.

The last time l had to endure anything this demeaning was in my baby-buggy. l was drooled over by slobbering cretins...

-Mr. Dark! -who apparently escaped from the local cuckoo house.

They thought they were doctors and nurses.

What, uh... what exactly did you, uh... what'd you do for a-a living, Mr., what, l forget his name...

Dark?

What did l do? l'm an author.

Oh... oh. l didn't realize...

Dan Dark.

Trash that doesn't sell.

Detective stories about a gumshoe who warbles.

Well, that sounds interesting.

Um, what... what...?

Hey, listen to me.

Please, please...

W-What is it?

Will you please listen?

l can't talk lying flat out like this. l need... help to sit up, please.

Oh. Well, help him up.

You know, l-l really, um...

You understand, l'm on a very tight schedule...

-Listen... -There you go.

Listen... listen... listen! l'm no hero, and l've reached the end.

Of what?

My tether.

Oh, come on!

F...! l'd like...

Christ, l'd like to get out of it, but l can't!

Listen! l can't s... l can't stand it, l really truly can't stand any... more! l can't get on top of it, l can't think straight, and l can't tell what is from what isn't, and if l don't tell someone, if l don't admit it, l'll never get out of it.

Oh, l'm sorry...

Oh, the shame.

The tears...

All this oozing, useless liquid, it just hurts my... skin.

My face, and... and when l laugh, it hurts my jaw. l'm a prisoner inside my...

...my own skin.

On the hop!

Librium.

Valium.

Antidepressants.

And the barbiturates, of course.

Bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah At the hop Well, you can rock it, you can roll it Do the stop and even stroll it

-At the hop -Hop, hop, hop, hop When the record starts spinning You calypso when you chicken at the hop Hop, hop, hop, hop Do the dance sensation that is sweeping the nation

-At the hop -Hop, hop, hop, hop Let's go to the hop Let's go to the hop, oh, baby Let's go to the hop, oh, baby Let's go to the hop Come on, let's go to the hop Well, you can swing it, you can groove it You can really start to move it at the hop Ah, ah, ah Where the jockey is the smoothest And the music is the coolest at the hop All the cats and chicks can get their kicks at the hop Let's go!

Let's go to the hop Let's go to the hop, oh, baby Let's go to the hop, oh, baby Let's go to the hop Come on Let's go to the hop Let's go!

Bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah Bah, bah, bah, bah At the hop!

Well, there is an upside to all this pain and... l firmly believe that.

And...

Good morning.

Uh... he's almost over the edge. l think that Gibbon should see him. Okay?

Pretty Nina was full of semen, comma, and bath water, period.

But the pretty head... that knew too much was now emptied... of its last sad, little thought, period.

A lot of products.

Oh, lookee here.

Body cream.

Jesus.

Harem Nights. ls it done?

This goo, you put it under your armpits, you beat your meat with it, what?

-Shaddup. -Hey.

Shaddup!

Ah.

Just like a dame.

Tough guys don't upchuck.

They half know that vomit is a kind of sacrament.

Period.

How are we today?

Mm, l'm not too happy. l don't... l don't know about him.

What?

Or maybe you mean you.

What do you mean?

Well, how are we today?

See, you say, ''we.''

Who's the other guy? lt's just a way of speaking.

Yeah, it's a medical way.

Assume loss of health equals loss of brain cells.

Do you think you have a positive attitude?

Don't... don't.

You're going to crack me up.

Well, that depends on whether we're talking donuts you dunk or black feminist lesbians. l'm in favor of both, up to a point.

You know, your illness, to a large...

Will l be able to move on my own three feet?

Will l hold a pen or a tit again?

Never mind the rhetoric. l can get that from a doctor, Doctor. l have seen a lot of patients who are as bad as you are, but not one of them has reacted with such aggression.

What they do, sing madrigals?

Well, they don't act like they've fallen into a sewer.

Ah, see... l thought you were pushing tranquilizers. l didn't realize you had a deodorant in mind.

You should take them, you know, the tranquilizers.

No! No, no and no.

How long are you going to see your plight through a blinding hot rage, Mr. Dark? Hmm?

What do you live by?

What? Come on.

All right, it's an embarrassing question, but surely there must be something in a time of crises...

What do you believe in?

Genocide.

What?

Genocide.

Starting in Los Angeles and working its way eastward. l believe in so many things. lnfanticide, insecticide, cy... anide, suicide, AlDS...

Okay.

All right. Okay. l put my faith in cholesterol, caffeine, nicotine, alcohol, President Bush, carbon monoxide, masturbation, nuclear first-strike, the Reader's Digest and... not properly labeling poisons.

Are you done?

But most of all, Doc, most of all, l believe in the one good thing that comes hurtling out of people's mouths.

Ralph. Vomit. Puke.

The Technicolor yawn.

Cookie dough!

There is a good man here.

-Uh-huh. -He's new.

He's very alert and sympathetic.

Dr. Gibbon.

Doctor... of what?

Skin, joints, zoology?

He's a psychotherapist.

Go fuck yourself!

You will never get on top of your condition until you deal with your bitterness.

Start over.

Reassemble yourself.

Reassemble myself?

With what?

Many a tear has to fall Do, do, do, do, do

-But it's all -Do, do, do, do, do ln the game Do, do, do, do, do, do, do All in the wonderful game Do, do, do, do, do That we know as love Do, do, do, do, do, do, do You have words with him And your future's looking dim...

Sorry, guys, l need five.

The words are breaking my heart.

See you gators later. ln a while, reptile.

Dan Dark?

ls it you, the guy l've been waiting for ever since Sax invented the phone?

Come on, are you the big cheese with the fat contract who just loves the way l tickle a tune?

Sorry, no.

Yeah, that's right, trouble.

You're in trouble. l'm told you can help me.

You get results.

Oh, l get the cases the polite guys pass.

See, l get the jobs the guys who don't sing don't get.

So, what's the story?

Who's the dame?

How do you know there's a dame?

There's always a dame.

Tell me, am l right... or am l right?

There's always a dame.

Am l right, or am l right?

There's always a body, too.

Talking to yourself again?

l had on my best pajamas, the ones with red stripes and the blue forget-me-nots.

And l was powdered under the armpits and talculmed between each toe

'cause a million bucks was about to call and l was ready for it. l see.

High temperature again.

When she moved her lips l felt like a tulip in dry season when the first raindrop smacked into it. l decided to open up.

Boy, was l green.

Or do l mean wet?

Come to grease me, did ya? lf you're ready.

As ready as a back axle.

Okay, let's get these off. l'll try not to hurt.

Okay.

You look better.

Thanks.

Oh, cock.

Cock, do not crow!

Poor cock.

Do not stir.

Think of something boring.

Something very, very boring.

Oh. Quick.

The Mormon Tabernacle Choir now brings you.... selections from the Sound of Music.

Snoopy pictures on the wall.

Nine grain toast with... reduced sugar marmalade. Oh!

Old baseball players.

PiƱa coladas!

Sorry, is it too hard?

Go. Fine.

Not... not too hard. lt's worst of all here, inside your thighs.

Huh.

Organic pizza.

Bumper stickers that ask you to honk for Jesus.

Worrying about whales and, oh, God, oh, what about fucking baby seals?

Fortune cookie messages, and... and denim accessories.

Oh, muppets and puppets!

Sorry, l... l'll have to lift your penis now to grease around it.

Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Mr. Sandman Bring me a dream Bum, bum, bum, bum Make him the cutest that l've ever seen Bum, bum, bum, bum Give him two lips like roses and clover Bum, bum, bum, bum Then tell him that his lonesome nights are over Sandman l'm so alone Bum, bum, bum, bum Don't have nobody to call my own Bum, bum, bum, bum Please turn on your magic beam Mr. Sandman, bring me a dream Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum, bum Mr. Sandman Bring me a dream Make him the cutest that l've ever seen Give him the word that l'm not a rover...

Sorry. l'm going to have to lift your penis now to grease around it.

...his lonesome nights are over Sandman l'm so alone Don't have nobody to call my own Please turn on your magic beam Ah!

l'm so sorry.

That's the one part of me that still sort of functions.

We don't have to talk about it, do we?

No.

They say she was with me that night, but l swear to God...

Swear to something you believe in, bud. l swear on my mother's grave Nina left me alive and unharmed.

That her name? The whore?

Why do you call her that?

Dog shit by another name smells just as foul, pal, and it sticks to the bottom of your blue suede shoe no matter what you call it, okay?

You've stepped into something nasty.

You want me to clean it up. l want you to find out what happened to her after she left me... and to prove nothing bad happened to her from my hands.

But it did.

What?

Wouldn't that be the way her mother would see it?

Her mother, for Christ's sakes?

You just swore on your mother's grave, Mr. Binney. l'm not hiring you for a mouthful of cant and humbug, Mr. Dark.

Maybe the cops are fixing to fry you, Binney.

Maybe you're playing some deeper game.

You're not a nice guy, Dark.

Ah, but you'll pay me, Binney... and you'll pay me double for the cant and the humbug.

Period.

Part of the service, period.

End paragraph.


All right, so, uh, you're gonna wait for him here, all right?

Yeah, all right.

Cuckoo man.

My book.

What's it doing here?

What's going on?

Your book, Mr. Dark.

Happened to pick up a copy the other day.

Oh, yeah? Where?

Fertilizer factory?

He said out of the side of his mouth.

Gibbon. How are you, Mr. Dark?

Can't... shake.

Oh, yes, of course. l'm sorry.

And l wouldn't if l could. l'm here under protest.

Well, l see. A kidnap.

Little men shouldn't sit where their feet don't touch the floor.

Makes me think of nursery rhymes.

You don't want to see me.

What sharpness. What perception.

And you don't like it at all that l've got this. lt's full of clues.

No, it's full of pages.

Oh, but clues are what you're supposed to find in a detective story.

Am l right, or... am l right?

Jesus. You're good. l know clues are supposed to lead you to the killer, but, uh... what if they reveal the victim a little more clearly?

You think you're being interesting, don't you? lf this was a movie, you'd be on the cutting room floor.

Does your book worry you? l want to go back to my bed. lt's vivid and exciting there.

Well, you don't have any visitors.

How do you know?

Well, does your wife come and visit you, or...

-l'm not married. -or do you stop her when...? l'm not married.

Oh, and period.

Oh, oh, yes, l see.

Stop it! Stop staring at me!

You've never seen a human pizza before?

You... you don't like women, do you?

Which ones? Young ones, old ones, fat ones, faithful ones?

Virgins? Whores? Try to be specific, Doc.

Maybe, maybe you think you like 'em... uh, but, uh, my guess is, well, you don't like sex.

How do you spell that?

That's not a word you see much nowadays.

You probably think you do.

Sex.

Well, we think about it all the time-- l know l do.

Oh, if-if-if l say ''Fuck you,'' does that mean yes?

Well, isn't it clear that you regard sexual intercourse with, uh... distaste or... perhaps even a little fear?

What, am l trapped in here with a fruitcake?

Here, for example, on page 1 16...

This is against the Geneva Convention.

Oh, l-l'm just going to read you a passage out of your own book.

-No! -No?

Shove it up your ass!

Just walkin' in the rain

Getting soakin' wet

Oh, no.

Torturin' my heart Fucking...

By tryin' to forget Dad, what's wrong?

Just walkin' in the rain

So alone and blue... l don't wish to upset you, Mr. Dark. l'm just walkin' in the rain, Doc. l think you know you need help.

Now, you're too aware of your own condition to deny it.

Just collecting raindrops.

Most chronic skin patients are on tranquilizers or antidepressants.

See, the skin is very personal. lt's, uh, tempting to believe that the poisons of the mind have somehow... erupted onto the surface of the skin.

''Unclean, unclean!'' you shout, ringing your leper's bell, warding us all off.

That'll destroy you.

Yes, l think you know that, or at least part of you does.

You can be helped.

Yeah, with a Mickey Finn.

Now, why mimic that stuff?

What stuff?

That out-the-side -of-your-mouth kind of stuff.

That down-these-mean-streets kind of stuff. l'm sorry.

What kind of stuff?

You know, my feeling is that, um... now that... after l've read some of your prose...

Ho, ho, hee, hee.

...my feeling is that, uh, you didn't start out to write in this way.

What would you have preferred to have written?

What, if l had the talent, you mean?

No, of course l don't mean that.

No, go ahead, be a critic.

You got the face for it.

lf you like, all right.

Uh, if you had the talent. lf l had the talent, one-liners for Michael Jackson, two-liners for Helen Keller, if it wouldn't be stretching her too much.

Maybe traffic citations for Ted Kennedy.

Who knows? lt's just one word after another.

That's where all the problems of the world start: the next goddamn word. lt's not incriminating.

What isn't?

Telling me what you would prefer to write.

l would like to have praised a loving God and all His Loving Creation...

Yes.

...and to have seen... hosts of translucent angels ascending spinning shafts of golden light to the deep blue caverns of heaven.

Hell, they'd all have these massive titties, wouldn't they?

Well, here's one part here that doesn't seem to... fit in with the rest.

Here it is.

''Mouth sucking, wet and slack at mouth, ''tongue chafing against tongue, ''limb thrusting upon limb... skin rubbing at skin.''

Hmm... ''Faces contort and stretch into a helpless leer, ''organs spurt out smelly stains and sticky betrayals.

''This is the sweaty farce out of which we are brought into being...''

Okay, okay, enough.

''We are implicated without choice

''in the slippery catastrophe

''of copulations that spatter us into existence.

Okay!

''We are spat out of fevered loins.

Okay.

''We are the by-blows of grunts and pantings

''in a rumpled and creaking bed.

Shut up, you sadistic quack!

Welcome.''

Hmm?

Yeah, the Milk of Paradise. l can taste it now.

How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggley tail How much is that doggie in the window? l do hope that doggie's for sale l must take a trip to California And leave my poor sweetheart alone...

''The Devil was alive in his eyes, ''hot with hate.

''l felt that ice chink against my spine.

Hell, l was staring straight into...''

How much is that doggie...

Mark, he's going to see us.

No, Mark...

Stand out there, he will see you.

Come on.

lt's okay.

Let go, Betty. l'm just scared is all.

What can he do?

Nothing.

We're partners anyway.

Says so on the sign.

Partners in peanuts.

Hmm...

Well, l'll take my piece right now.

Don't say it like that.

Oh, now, you're just scared, that's all.

God, l love your mouth when you don't like something l say.

Ain't nothin' to be scared of.

Nobody comes to this old barn no more... except the rats.

And you.

Hmm?

Sounds like you've been here before.

Me? What for?

Who with?

You are no good, Mark.

What about you...

Mrs. Dark?

Oh!


Oh.

Angel.

Here.

Come on, bitch.

Tongue chafing against tongue, limb thrusting upon limb, skin rubbing at skin.

Faces contort and stretch into a helpless leer.

Organs spurt out smelly stains and...

Sticky betrayals.

Just walking in the rain Getting soaking wet Torturing my heart By trying to forget Just walking in the rain So alone and blue All because my heart He's still waving.

Dad just kept waving.

-Still remembers you... -What?

l said, how far is it?

About 200 miles.

Will we like it--

Los Angeles?

Mom? lt'll be dark and full of gangsters.


l'm afraid he had to be sedated.

He's been asleep most of the day.

The poor man.

They're trying him on a new drug, but you know that, of course.

Of course.

Mr. Dark?

Your wife.

You know what, l...

Maybe we shouldn't wake him.

They wanted to know if you came.

The doctors.

They'd like to speak with you.

Well, yeah, maybe l-l should speak to somebody. l mean, at least l won't get my head bitten off.

Sorry?

Oh, uh, if he wakes up and sees me here, you'll know what l mean. lt's... Dan Dark, Darker, Darkest, kind of his thing.

Actually, l'm-l'm going to go. l... l think l shouldn't have come. l just... l shouldn't even try.

Wait. Please...

Farewell, my lovely.

You bitch!

Nicola!

Come here, you disgusting tramp!

You two-bit slag bitch!

Nicola!

Who are you spreading your legs for now?

Come back here now, you stupid bitch whore cunt!

Mr. Dark, what do you think you're doing?

Where do you think you are?

l'm so sorry. ls there a problem?

Yes, there's a problem.

You're the problem.

Stop the yelling. lt's disgusting.

You should be ashamed of yourself.

You stop it at once! l so don't want to be disruptive.

Good. l was just sort of singing.

You were what?

Many a tear has to fall But it's all in the game.

Ah, there are mysteries, puzzles.

There are always things that bewilder us as children, Mr. Dark.

Mmm.

Accept it. Yes?

Mmm.

Accept the sky, accept the birds.

Accept bird shit.

Has your wife been to visit you yet?

God, the way you walk up and down behind me. l mean, are you pretending to be an oddball, or are you actually nuts?

Ah, there you are.

You're looking better.

Uh-huh. Am l?

Yeah. Your posture, too.

-Great. -Less pain?

Yeah, maybe.

Well, you know, you-you ought to let those neck muscles

...relax a little.

Oh, l'm sorry. Forgive me. l, uh...

God.

Well, that's why l...

Well, look, l just... lf you could just turn your head.

Uh, you'd-you'd get fewer headaches that way.

Who says l get headaches?

Oh, you do, don't you?

Severe ones, hmm?

And no doubt, as a result, your perceptions are probably somewhat distorted, hmm?

Yeah. l can see around corners and right up your hairy little self.

Not to mention that ugly temper, yeah.

Minute by minute, we make the world, Doc.

Our own world.

Hmm.

Well, what do you think?

You think it's time maybe you went back to work again?

Tell me how, Dr. Donothing.

Well, l never write anything down myself. l dictate. Never tried it.

With whom? Question mark.

Well, there are people.

Agencies.

Has somebody been getting to you?

What do you mean?

Has a certain whore of my former acquaintance been pushing her hard little nose into my affairs?

Mr. Dark, do you plan to get better?

Hmm?

Chronic illness is a shelter. Yeah.

A cave in the rocks into which a wounded spirit can safely crawl.

Some cave.

Oh, no, no, no.

Not very comfortable, not at all.

No. There are bats in it. Mmm.

Squeaking rodents with wings of skin and fur, that hang upside down, crunching beetles in their teeth.

But you know all about that.

You know about bats.

Shut up, shrimp.

You turned, you turned! l did. l did.

Not now. No. Go.

Who was that?

Huh?

What's that? That's progress, Mr. Dark.

Progress.

Who knows how far it can go.

Oh, from the neck down, you mean.

Hmm? lf you're thinking the other way around, if you want to get inside my head, you better forget it.

Hmm. Good.

Wait. You...

He's asleep.

-Who is? -My boy.

You mean you got a kid in here?

Jesus.

Shh, shh, shh. Not so loud.

Listen, doll, when l fuck, l like to make a noise, okay?

All right, all right.

Come on.

This way. lt's okay.

Here we go.

What a disgusting disease.

Gee, thanks.

Dan. l don't...

No, no, no. Sit down, sit down. Why not?

Keep the laughs coming.

Who's laughing?

You are beyond the shadow of a doubt an exceptionally beautiful woman.

At your peak.

That sounds like a death sentence. lt is a death sentence.

Dan, listen...

Three months l've been in this fucking bed.

You know that?

Where you been?

Who are you? What are you? l don't know. l hallucinate now and then.

Ain't that a laugh?

The past, the present-- they're all in that cheap old book of mine, and l didn't even know it.

So are you, honey.

-Me? -Uh-huh.

Nicola.

Yeah.

You are a filthy, predatory, totally wanton bitch who is always in heat, and l don't want you near me. l don't. l don't. Not now. l don't. Not ever.

What if l said l still loved you?

Liar.

l have some things to discuss with you.

There's a film company that wants to buy the rights to that first book.

What? the Singing Detective.

The one set in the '50s. ls that the book you've been talking about?

They want it for Roger Rabbit, right?

No.

They seem, um... keen.

Keen?

Hey, what's this got to do with you?

You're broke, and you haven't written a word for over a year. l mean, Danny, l just want you to be able to support yourself.

Oh, God, l see.

Baby, Baby-- still thinks l owe her money.

No.

You could work it out at, say, $500 a screw. lsn't that top rate for hookers? ls it? l wouldn't know.

Who are you sleeping with at the moment?

Myself, mostly.

Mostly?

Mostly.

Mostly means not always.

Right, if you want to be precise.

Dan... you need to function.

You just... you need to get your hand on that old book...

What happened to the screenplay? Where is it?

What screenplay?

The one in my head.

What are you talking about?

That is the worst thing about a detective story is the plot. lt's the best thing, too. l mean, hell, isn't it really... ? lt's just... it's the only thing.

You got to work it out like a rat in a maze.

That's what l'm trying to do right now.

Yeah, but with a story you've already written?

Oh, oh, oh, oh... lt grows.

How... when you already know what's going to happen?

Where is it?!

Where is what?

The fucking screenplay-- the Singing Detective. l wrote it years ago; l put in shoe boxes.

Shoe boxes?

Yes! Fucking shoe boxes!

Danny... l know.

Boy, do l know.

Dan...

You need to write something new.

Something real.

Like what?

Like this, like everything that's happening right now.

Not a silly detective story.

Something real.

Ah, solutions.

What?

All solutions and no clues, right?

'Cause that's what the dumbheads want.

They want the serious novel, right?

Plus descriptions of the goddamn sky. l want it the other way around.

All clues, no solutions, 'cause that's the way... things are.

Now...

Why do you know about this?

Why do you know? Tell me.

Were you a party to the offer in the first place?

Tell me what's going on.

Tell me.

Tell me!

Paranoia. l don't...

Or theft.

Danny, stop.

Do you want my help or not?

Do l want your help?

Do l want you to help me?

Well, you think on it.

Okay. You go fuck yourself.

Okay. l love you too, Danny.

Hey, Binney.

Quote, no luck, period.

No good, period.

He was getting very suspicious, exclamation mark.

No luck. No good.

He's getting very suspicious.

But you'll try again, right? l-l don't know.

But we could be sued for misrepresentation if he doesn't sign. l'll deliver. l said l would.

He still looks awful.

Don't start feeling sorry for him. l don't. l hope it goes right into his fucking bones.

You look terrific when you're mad.

Just like a hornet... drowning in the Tabasco.

That's something Dan Dark would say.

You sound like Dan.

Sorry, Charlie.

How much is that doggie in the window?

The one with the waggley tail How much is that doggie in the window...?

She comes on like a rose But everybody knows She'll get you in Dutch You can look, but you better not touch Poison ivy...

There are songs to sing.

There are feelings to feel.

There are thoughts to think.

That makes three things.

You can't do three things at the same time.

...creepin' around...

The singing is easy-- sugar on the tongue.

The thinking comes with the tune.

So, that leaves only the feelings, and you're not going to catch me feeling the feeling. No, sir.

...lf you let her get under your skin Poison ivy...

Watch the light, dickhead.

...Late at night while you're sleepin'

Poison ivy comes a-creepin' around Measles make you bumpy, and mumps'll make you lumpy And chicken pox'll make you jump and twitch...

The guy's a sitting duck.

But why here?

What's the sense?

J. Edgar H. prefers a different kind of tune.

What does it matter?

Well, l don't like it.

Stick to Patti Page, eh?

Up there with the lights-- it's the goons.

Watch yourself! Watch!

...The minute you start to mess around...


How's it going?

Halfway there.

Halfway to a million bucks.

With disdain.

Period. l have some nice things, if that's what you mean.

Nice, no.

Expensive, l said.

Tastes differ.

You're more at home in... bars and sleazy dance halls.

Oh, l... do the occasional Rotary dinner, state prison dance... where l don't leave my hat.

What?

That's how the cops got onto you, Binney.

You left your fedora on the bar when you picked up that whore.

Money.

Money, money, money.

What about it?

You got a lot. l do all right.

What at, l'm wondering. l buy, l sell.

Uh-huh. So does Second Hand Rose.

What do you buy?

What do you sell?

That's my business.

Naked flesh?

What?

Oh, yeah, that's what you buy, that's what you sell.

That's ridiculous. l deal in antiques, if you must know.

The only antiques are some of the distinguished gentlemen you service with young girls, Binney.

Are you calling me a...?

A pimp? Why, yes, you don't mind, do you?

You're a fantasist, Dark.

Get out.

Don't let me see you again.

What about my fee?

Fee? What fee? lt took me five days between my syncopations to figure out that you set up that poor girl, Nina.

Why? l said to myself, ''Why?''

Just get out.

You know what l think? l think she was killed right here in this museum.

You're crazy.

But it's not the cops you're scared of, Binney.

They can be bought and sold, too.

Put it back in the drawer, will you?

-What? -Put it back in the drawer, unless you want a hole between your eyes that the wind from your ass can whistle through.

You really are crazy.

Out of your cheap little mind.

Sure. But do it. l've been shot at once tonight, and that's once too often.

Okay, okay.

This Nina-- she wasn't one of your commodities.

-But her friend was. -What friend?

That girl they scraped up under the Hollywood sign.

The cops say she jumped.

But your pals...

What pals?

Your pals thought she might have passed something on to Nina, and they were taking no chances.

Not with her, not with you.

Am l right, or am l right?

And now they want me, too, you slimy slug.

Go on.

Go on. l enjoy cheap fiction.

Me? Nah. l'm no longer in your employ.

Fee? What fee?

You hired me to find out what happened to Nina when you already knew.

Why? l'll figure it out. And...

And? l sing for people who dance, Binney.

Name your tune, l'll warble it for you, but when you dance... your feet won't be touching the floor.

Oh, you're cheap, Dark.

Ten cents a dance.


Mr. Dark?

That's my handle. l was born at daybreak.

Please, l want to talk.

You followed me to make sure l wasn't followed, but l was.

Stay back. Keep out of sight.

Meet me at The Laguna in a half an hour.

Little fool.

l warned you. l told you, baby.

Ah, gee.

Silly... poor little thing.

Parlow.

What?

You mean, the Parlow Atomic Laboratory... here in L.A.?

Binney...

Mark Binney.

He's providing all the girls.

Right? Girls like you... like Nina.

The Reds.

They're getting to the atomic scientists...

Yes?

At Parlow?

Using sex.

Sex.

Sex.

Sex. l'll get ya.

Bastards.

Whoever you are, and whatever you are... wherever you are.

You're buffeted by this... by that, and it's nothing to do with you.

You know, someone you love dies or leaves.

Then you get ill, or you get better, and the whole time, everywhere, there's just this canopy stretching out over you...

What canopy?

Fate--things as they are. lt's irrational, impersonal.

The rain falls, the sun shines, the wind blows, and if you're out there in it, that's it.

Things.

Accident.

Call it what you like.

There's damn all you can do about it.

Well, physically, you're on the up.

Well...

Now we have a firm grasp of the obvious.

Why do you still feel so disappointed in things as they are?

Things as they are... no concern of mine.

You object to the use of the word ''things''?

Oh, there's a lot of words l don't like.

Such as?

Decaffeinated.

Hmm.

Another?

Oh, good, good, good. lndoor games.

Yeah.

-Word games? -Yeah, sure. l throw you a word, you... l come back with another word.

Yeah, that you associate with the word that l...

Okay, wait-wait-wait-wait, yeah, but we got to... agree... in advance that it's meaningless.

Please, there's no diagnostic value for any of it.

Fine.

Judge.

Oh, skin.

Scales.

Weight.

Tables.

Restaurant.

Gastroenteritis.

Honey.

Comb.

Blonde.

Honey.

Money.

Shit.

You.

Me?

Me.

Tarzan.

Jungle.

Manhattan.

-Mugger. -Baghdad.

Arms.

-Hands. -Clap.

Promiscuity.

-Free. -Gift.

Giver.

-Sucker. -Mouth.

Fangs.

Wolf.

Whistle.

-Scream. -Silence.

Young.

Green.

Old.

Mm... Mick Jagger.

Rock.

Cradle.

-Crash. -Dream.

Wake.

Sleep.

Lie.

Tale.

-Writer. -Liar.

Sentence.

Prison.

Cage.

Barn.

Mother.

M... murder.

Love.

Fraud.

Passion.

Pretense.

Woman.

Fuck!

Fuck.

Dirt!

Dirt.

Death!

Start.

Stop!

Oh, nice game.

lt's just words, right?

That's what we agreed.

No diagnostic value.

Just words. lmportant words Ooh, ooh, ooh...

That mean a lot Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh...

They say... say l love you Ooh, ooh, ooh... lmportant words Ooh, ooh, ooh...

That's all l've got Ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh, ooh...

They say, say l love you... l'll do whatever you want... okay?

You just have to tell me.

The days, the nights The hours We spent makin' plans...

-Love. -Fraud.

-Passion. -Pretense.

-Woman. -Fuck!

-Fuck. -Dirt!

-Dirt. -Death.

Since we first held hands lmportant words Ooh, ooh, ooh...

They say l love you Mom?

Ooh, ooh, ooh...

Go back to bed.

They say, say Go. l do Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh Ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh, ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh...

Why, Mom, why?

Why what?

Why are we here?

No place else to go.

Did Dad make you go?

-No, Danny. -Did he? lt wasn't... it was no good there.

And l... l did something wrong. lt's no good here. l didn't think it would be like this, but...

We gotta go back.

No.

Why not? Why not? lt won't always be like this.

-Mom... -No, l want you to listen. l couldn't get a job... but l will, okay?

Mom, you're lying! Mom...

-l promise, l will! -l want to go home!

You stop it! You stop it!

You stop it!

Don't pinch me there.

That's my sore.

Your what?

What?

Let me see.

How did you do that?

You hurt yourself or what? l don't know.

l'm so sorry.

Okay, it's not very legible, and it hurts, but...

First time l actually have to think about the value of every little word, and it's just so...

Ah, it's dangerous.

There's one.

Well, it cuts most of the jobs a writer would get if you have to think about the value of the words.

Hollywood re-writes... National Enquirer...

Dan Rather's teleprompter.

Let's see how you're doing.

Can you read it?

''Memory... upward strokes and downward slopes...''

Mm-hmm.

And what's this?

''...Comma curls making me hold...''

Yeah, l can read it.

-Oh. -Making you hold what?

My breath.

Words make me hold my breath.

Do they now?

Who knows what they're going to say?

But...

Who knows where they've been?

We're getting a little heavy here, aren't we?

Well, what made you say that, Brenda?

What do you mean? lf we wrote that down.

Quote, getting a little heavy, comma, aren't we, question mark, unquote. lf l did...

No, it doesn't matter.

Ah, well, um... keep at it!

Quote, ah, well, dash, keep at it, exclamation mark.

She smiled, comma, turned away, dot-dot... dot.

Ooh, going off the page.

Stop... finished, period.

He's dead, period.

Out of it, period.

That's it.

All done.

Great.

Mmm... l like that.

Now Dan Dark's whole script is in the machine...

Minus his name.

...we can run off as many copies as we need, and they can tinker with it if they want.

So now we deliver.

And we could.

But you must get Dark to sign the rights to my company.

That's essential.

Okay. Move forward a little.

That better?

Yeah.

Oh... that's fine.

Okay. One... he signs with me.

Two...

...l sell it on... l-l mean we sell it on to Mail Pouch Films, and three... net profit... one million.

Plus points.

Plus points.

But he's gotta sign.

Don't worry. l can get him... to do... anything!

Oh, yeah.

Oh, oh, oh... Good girl... Oh...

Hello.

Hey.

Hey. l was just thinking about you.

Really?

Mm-hmm.

What were you thinking about me? l was thinking you look terrific.

Hmm.

So do you.

You look better.

Don't, Dan.

Don't what?

Look at me like that.

Like what?

Like l'm your enemy.

Oh, you are definitely up to something.

You are so definitely involved in some kind of fucking scam.

Good old Danny.

And it probably has something to do with money-- my money.

You haven't got any money.

No. Not in cash, maybe.

Not in good, old-fashioned, foldable, chewable lettuce.

No. Nor in coins, come to that.

Nothing to go chink-chink in my pocket, but l have assets.

Like what?

My four detective stories.

Yeah...

Three of which are out of print.

And the screenplay.

What screenplay?

Bingo!

Fucking bingo.

Danny, please, you gotta fill me in.

What are you talking about?

With my own two hands.

With these dead, buckled, chicken feet! l wrote it six, seven years ago.

Danny.

What screenplay is this?

''What screenplay?'' the Singing Detective, that's what.

Danny. l put it... l put it in the thing. l put it up in the shoe boxes, and l put it in the closet.

Oh, that.

''Oh, that.''

Oh, my God.

Yes, that.

Well, wait a minute. lf it's the pages l think you mean, you threw them out. Ages ago.

-No. -Yes.

No. l threw them out.

-l threw them out. -Dan, yes, you did.

You threw them out.

You said it was garbage.

What are you doing?

Oh, well.

Easy come. Easy go.

Was it the only copy?

Of course.

Did l squeeze it? Did that hurt?

My heart, you mean?

You are improving, though, you know?

You really...

Except l'm going crazy.

Hey, now. l'm going crazy. l lie here and make these connections between my cheap little detective story and my own cheap little...

Oh, to hell with it.

Sex.

Yeah, l know the word.

Yeah, but that's what the whole thing is about.

My book. My life. lt's about sex.

Sex and lies.

Oh... l want to sleep with you again.

Dan. l do. With a big mirror alongside.

Oh, stop.

That's so l can look over at myself while l'm fucking and just leer.

And right as it's coming up in me, the ol' joy juice, l flip it over to one side and come off your gleaming loins, honey, and just spit right in my own face.

Oh, my God.

Well. lt's improvement.

What is?

Spitting at myself.

A couple of days ago my idea of true bliss would have been...

...spitting into your face.

-Dan. -Huh?

What are you going to do about this?

-What? -This rage, this thing you have, this hatred?

What are you going to do about it?

Well, l'll probably just write serious literature.

Just piss in the wind like poets and priests do.

Who are they?

Who are those two? Who are you?!

Who is who?

Go, go, go and look, go and look.

No. l don't see anything.

What is the matter?

Paranoia.

Thank you.

Baby, l'm so paranoid.

Then you've got everything going for you, haven't you?

Mm-hmm.

l'm telling you, people are beginning to notice us.

You see, they're looking at us.

Who cares? They're all sick in here, anyway.

Are you sure that's him, with the...?

The nurse said so.

Maybe we should've brought flowers... or grapes.

What for?

Less conspicuous.

Oh, yeah.

What are we going to do?

We going to waste him, whack him, what?

Well, not when that dame's there.

We gotta make him sing first.

Another fuckin' song?

-Shut up. -Hey.

Talk. l mean.

Tell us what we're doing here. l-l'm sick of standing around like a dummy.

Are we Feds or aren't we?

No. We're just a couple of hoods.

-Shut up. -Hey.

Do you need any help?

Uh, do we?

Uh, thank you, miss. No.

Um, we have seen all that we wish to see, and our report, uh, will be a-arriving...

Let's go.

Hey!

What are you doing here?

Now, when l get the blues, l get me a rocking chair When l get the blues, l get me a rocking chair Well, the blues overtake me Gonna rock right away from here Now flip, flop and fly l don't care if l die Now flip, flop and fly Don't care if l die...

Where are you? l'm lost.

Lost?

Sorry. l'm lost.

Huh? l have a confession to make.

Uh-huh. l know more about that movie offer than l implied.

Oh, shit. Come clean.

Okay, l... l went, um... to your apartment, just to check it out

'cause you've been in here so long.

Mm-hmm.

Um...

First of all, Dan...

Mmm? Mmm.

...the way that you live is unbelievable.

The plants? They're all dead.

Good. l hope they suffered.

There is mold on every single living thing.

Uh-huh. Give me some yogurt, please.

First of all, who goes away and leaves Camembert on the table?

You opened my mail.

Yes. l did, but just the bills...

You opened my mail.

...and this one letter.

Don't worry about the bills.

That's where l grow the mold.

-Anyway. -From who?

...this production company. lt's about Singing Detective.

Well, yes, it's from this producer, Finney.

Okay.

Binney?

Finney.

-Finney with an ''F''? -Yes.

Finney with an ''F,'' not a ''B''?

-Right. Finney. -Finney. Not a ''B.''

-'Cause you know him. -What are you...? What?

You know him. l've never heard of him. ln what context have you never heard of him?

-Danny. -What?

-Why are you so... ? -Where's the letter?

-Where's the letter? -l'll get it.

Where's the letter? lt checks out?

Well, for what it's worth.

But would l get some dough up front?

So it says.

How much?

40 grand.

Ugh. Shit.

-But that's for the rights? -Right.

Well, who's going to do the screenplay?

Maybe l can get a shot at it.

Well, the producer, Finney, apparently.

The producer. Why? Why? All these... guys, they think they can write, every busy little schmuck who can hold a pen the right way up. l know, so we just take the money and run.

Oh, l... l...

Okay.

lt's a good story, though.

Mm-hmm. lf it'd stay on the page.

Mm-hmm. lt's all connections.

Connections.

Connections.

Oh, God.

Oh... oh, we shouldn't have run.

No choice.

Where the fuck is this?

Why here?

What are we doing here?

Geez. Look at that sun.

That is the sun, right? lt's a big fucking moon if it isn't.

What is going on?

What's going on?

What are we gonna do?

Hey.

There's a building over there... way over there.

''Chew Mail Pouch Tobacco.''

Oh, no, l hate that stuff. lt gets in my throat and my...

Maybe what we're looking for is in that building.

Oh, yeah, yeah.

What are we looking for?

l don't know.

Nor me...

Nor me.

People see us everywhere They think you really care But myself l can't deceive l know it's only make believe Ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-bah, oh...

My one and only prayer is that some day you'll care My hopes, my dreams come true My one and only you No one will ever know how much l love you so My only prayer will be someday you'll care for me But it's only make-believe...

Hey, son.

Tough guys don't cry.

l know that, sir.

l can't now separate in my mind the bus that took my mom and me to L.A. from the one which brought us back.

Brought me back.

l dream about it. l still dream about it.

But l'm getting there.

My head's getting there.

Well...

What happened to your mother?

She killed herself.

How? ln the river. ln the river.

Uh... is-is that really what happened?

What?

Well, now, now, l...

''Now, now''? Wait, wait. No. Excuse me. What?

You have a young woman drowned in a bathtub and thrown in the river in your story.

So, what about it? So, what about it?

Sometimes a cigar is just a cigar.

Uh-huh.

Well, l'm a bit surprised that you would duplicate such a traumatic event in your own life in the pages... ln what? Oh, oh, in a commercial piece of trash? l didn't say that.

No, you didn't say that.

Mm-hmm.

No, Dan, l read you part of your book to illustrate a point to you.

Book. l'll tell you, that book... that book...

There are things in that book, Doc, that are reaching out to grab me by the throat.

Why don't you let them?

Why? What?

Let 'em.

Me, l'm in that book, and l didn't even know it.

Yes.

l didn't kill my mother. l can't imagine that anyone would ever suggest that you did.

You know, l... when l was a... a... boy...

Long ago and far away.

No. Here and now. l saw my mother with the greaseball who worked with my father... like, a partner...

...in this service station in the desert that was never really viable.

Dark and Binney.

Shit, they were screwing, you know?

The noises, him on top of her, l guess.

Kiss, bang, bang-- all that stuff. l don't know.

Maybe she would have gotten away with it.

Maybe it was just...

My dad was a hard sort of guy to talk to.

You know, he was good, you know, but, as a kid, l couldn't seem to get close.

He was good with engines, you know?

Anything under the hood, and he was just...

He was so quiet. He was just... he was just too quiet.

And l wanted to get closer, you know? l mean, maybe l wasn't the kind of kid he would have wanted, you know?

Reading, and off on my own and...

...locked in.

That pain-in-the-ass kid stuff, but...

l wanted to get closer, and l... l...

So you told him about her.

Well, l traded her in. l traded her in for a pat on the head.

No. No. l got beat instead, and so did she.

He just hit her from one side of the room to the other.

And we went... to L.A.

You know, but by then l think my pa's rage had-had-had cooled down. l don't think he wanted us to go, 'cause l remember him waving.

l remember him waving to us as the bus went away.

Away.

And l...

And my mom couldn't get a job. lt was just, you know...

She started bringing men home and...

Oh, the poor bitch. l remember these cracks.

There were these cracks on the ceiling.

l remember these cracks.


All right.

Stand up.

What?

You can. You can do it.

Oh, you think so? lt's now or never.

Yes. Yes. Yes.

How many steps to heaven, Doc?

Ah, metaphysics.

Music.

Try again. Take your time.

l'm sorry. How many steps?

-Now, there -Three steps to heaven

-Are three steps to heaven -Three steps to heaven

-Just listen -Three steps to heaven

-And you will plainly see -Three steps to heaven And as life travels on And things do go wrong

-Just follow -Three steps to heaven

-Steps one, two and three -Three steps to heaven Step one You find a girl you love Step two She falls in love with you

Step three, you kiss And hold her tightly

-Yeah, that sure -Three steps to heaven

-Seems like heaven to me -Three steps to heaven

-The formula for heaven's -Three steps to heaven

-Very simple -Three steps to heaven Ooh, wa-wa, ooh Just follow the rules Three steps to heaven, Three steps to heaven

-And you will see -Ooh And as life travels on And things do go wrong

-Just follow -Three steps to heaven

-Steps one, two and three -Three steps to heaven Step one

-You find a girl you love -Ah, ah-ah

-Step two... -No, no.

She falls in love with you...

Ah, yes.

Huh?

Hey, that's great, man.

Hey, can l get an amen, brother?

Yeah, amen, whatever.

One, two, three.

No, no, no. Leave me, leave me. l got it, l got it.

Yee-hah!

Geronimo.

That book. There were things in that book, Doc, that are reaching out to grab me by the throat.

Why don't you let them?


Sorry you got put on hold, Mr. Binney.

Don't sweat the bill.

So now we wait.

We wait, and we see.


You had it coming, baby.

They should have cut your dick off first.

lt's led you into one hell of a fix, eh?

Mmm, mmm, mmm.

They got to him first.

Yeah. One step ahead all the time.

But l didn't think the Feds would waste one of their own, but there you go.

No morality these days, eh? l know, but l wanted to waste him on my own.

Well, why not? l'd like to wash all the men off my skin.

No, we'll give these klutzes one more chance to eliminate the warbler.

He's a sitting duck. l'd like to see the bullet splatter his larynx.

Dan Dark is the real killer.

He poisons other people's lives.

He thinks he's smart... but, really, he's very, very sad. l'm sorry. l'm sorry.

Can you see?

Can you see, Mr. Dark?

You like?

This is what you want from a woman, Dan.

Believe her to be a whore.

Make her one.

You like?

You want?

You're so sad.

Sad... and sick.

Using your childhood to foul up the lives of those who really care for you.

Using your illness as a weapon against anything clean, and honest and loving.

You disgust me.

You sick little creep.

You poisonous, malformed, cynical heap of shit.

No!

No...

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Okay, sure.

Why not?

Why aren't you in the bed? l'm not in the bed because l stood up all by myself.

Fantastic.

Yeah, see what l can do. l'll be walking out of here next week.

Well, don't overdo it.

You look... Are you hot?

Mm-mm.

Okay, 'cause that's how people get disappointed, you know?

You got to take it easy.

No, l'm fine.

Day by day, in every way, l'm getting better and better.

All right, well, l'll let you stand up while l lubricate you. l think l can, but l just... my knees...

No, no. l was just kidding.

No, l don't expect you to... l'm just so glad that you're being... lt's a real improvement.

You know, you're one of the nicest people l've met in a long time.

Well, you haven't been anywhere in a long time.

One of the prettiest, too.

Oh, your eyes.

What about them?

Your mouth.

The way your head joins your neck, as though it's hesitating...

No, no, no, it's reluctant to...

Boy, when l get out of here l'm just really going to write.

The way it, though...

No.

Oh, you're the girl in all the songs.

Hey, pull the Caddy around, and let's blow out of here.

Stop it, Mr. Dark.

Oh... oh, l see.

Enough of these intimacies, huh?

Hell, we hardly know each other.

Christ, the only contact we had so far is you lift up my penis and just grease around it.

Oh, what, what's the matter?

Whew. Boy, is it hot in here?

Lie down, um...

You're burning up.

Sweet, sweet, sweetness, l want to see Nicola...

-No, no. No, Mr. Dark. -l want to see...

No, no, no, no, no, no. You got to lay down. l'll find her.

She's probably straight out in the hall.

No, no, no, no. Come on, Mr. Dark, just stay.

Come on, come on.

Nicola?!

Come on, let's just go back into the bed.

Nicola!

l told you, come on.

Can l get some help here?! l told you. lt's okay, nurse. lt's okay.

Gentle.

Yeah, too heavy for you, angel.

Come on, back in the bed. l'm sorry. l am. l'm sorry. l'm sorry.

Slide your feet, gumshoe.

Beddy bye-byes.

One small step for man, one giant leap... for a cripple!

Who are you, and what are you doing here?

Hey, that's a good question.

Right on the nose, as l think they say nowadays.

Yeah, whenever that is.

Am l hot? ls this because l'm hot? l don't know you. l don't know who you are, or what you want.

Disowning us, are you?

Nurse?

Nurse... where'd she go?

She was just here a second ago.

-Where are you going? -Where you going?

Home.

That's off the fucking page, creepo.

You are going nowhere.

What...

We get all the shit and no explanations.

Just one fuck-up after another.

And you're the scumbag that wrote it!

Wait, wait, wait, no, no!

Many a tear has to fall Where-where are we going?

Shaddup!

But it's all...

Where is everybody?

Help!

-All in the wonderful game -Where are we going?!

That we know as love...

Well, you can rock it, you can roll it Do the stop and even stroll it

-At the hop -Hop, hop, hop, hop When the record starts...

Rewrite!

Ooh, long way down, fella.

Right, it's a good last page, bucklehand.

Splash!

Yeah, it's pooper scooper time now.

Yeah, so spill.

Who are we?

What are we?

When, when you smile When you smile at me Well, well, l know Our love will always be...

When, when you kiss When you kiss me right l, l don't want To ever say good night When will you be mine?

Oh, baby, l need you l want you near me l love you Yes, l do, and l hope you hear me!

You know, personally, l don't want to walk down no mean corridors.

No, sir.

But there's just no pay-off in picking bluebells.

Am l right, or am l right?

God, listen to that, would you?

Can you hear the guy?

Anybody'd think his arm was being twisted.

Hell, we've all been in pain, one time or another.

What l say is, when you're dealing with the devil, praise the Lord... and pass the ammunition. l am not wrong.

Neither am l wrong.

Oh, geez, the warbler!

No fair.

Shoot this prick, will you?!

Shut up!


Don't, please.

Please, don't.

Shut your pie hole.

No, wait. That's murder.

You get a load of that?

Murder, he says. l call it... pruning.

Only one of us is going to walk out of here.

Sweeter than the roses.

What, are you kidding me with this?

Ah, shucks.

You could say we'd been partners, him and me.

Like Laurel and Hardy or Donald and lvana.

But, heck, this was one sick pup, from way back.

And l reckon l'm man enough to tie my own shoelaces now.


Hey.

You got my hat?

Have l got your hat?

l think l've cracked this case.

Yeah, l think you have, but...

No buts.

Watch my lips.

What?

ln my dreams you told me You really, really care ln my dreams you told me lt's a love you want to share So hold me, hold me, hold me And never, ever let me go Wah-wah-wah-wah ln my dreams you told me Our love was here to stay ln my dreams you told me Forever and a day That you'll love me, love me, love me And never, ever let me go Wah-wah-wah-wah lt seems that dreams are sometimes make believe But now l know that they are true For in my dreams you said you loved me And in reality, you love me, love me, too Well, my dreams have come true l'm as happy as can be For l know in my heart You won't take this love from me...

ln my dreams you told me That you really, really cared ln my dreams you told me lt's a love that can't compare So hold me, hold me, hold me And never, ever let me go

ln my dreams you told me lt's a love that can't compare ln my dreams you told me lt's a love you want to share So hold me, hold me, hold me Never, ever let me go

lt seems that dreams Are sometimes make-believe But now l know that they are real For in my dreams you said you loved me And in reality, you love, love me, too

Now my dreams have come true l'm as happy as can be For l know in my heart You won't take this love from me Hold me, hold me, hold me And never, ever let me go, oh, oh, oh

Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo, doo-doo Doo, doo, doo, doo Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah

lt seems that dreams Are sometimes make-believe But now l know that they are real For in my dreams You said you loved me And in reality, you love, love me, too

Now my dreams have come true l'm as happy as can be For l know in my heart You won't take this love from me So hold me, hold me, hold me Never, ever let me go, whoa, hoo.