The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004) Script

I got it! I got it! I got it!

Dinghy ahoy.

Dinghy off the port bow.

Dinghy off the port bow! Dinghy off the port bow!

Dinghy off the port bow.

Captain, dinghy off the-- Dinghy.

I got it!

I got it.

Where is it?

It's right here, captain.

I never thought I'd see it with me own eye.

Tickets to The SpongeBob Movie!

Who lives in a pineapple Under the sea?

Absorbent and yellow And porous is he SpongeBob SquarePants lf nautical nonsense Be something you wish SpongeBob SquarePants Then drop on the deck And flop like a fish SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants SpongeBob SquarePants

The sea. So mysterious, so beautiful. So...


Our story begins in Bikini Bottom's popular undersea eatery The Krusty Krab restaurant, where--

- Back up. Back up. Hey. Wait a minute.

- What is happening? PIease, settIe down.

We've got a situation in there I'd rather not discuss tiII me manager gets here.

Look, there he is.

TaIk to me, Krabs.

It started out as a simpIe order: a Krabby Patty with cheese.

When the customer took a bite, no cheese!

Get ahoId of yourseIf, Eugene. I'm going in.

Take it easy, friend. I'm the manager of this estabIishment.

Everything's gonna be just fine.

I'm reaIIy scared here, man. You got a name?

PhiI. You got a famiIy, PhiI?

Come on, PhiI, stay with me. Let's hear about that famiIy.

I got a wife and two beautifuI chiIdren.

That's what it's aII about. I want you to do me a favour, PhiI.


Say cheese.

Order up.

Three cheers for the manager!

Hip! Hip!

Hip! Hip!

Hip! Hip!


Gary, I had that dream again.

And it's finaIIy gonna come true. Today.

Sorry about this, caIendar.

Because today is the grand-opening ceremony for The Krusty Krab 2, where Mr. Krabs wiII announce the new manager.

Who's it gonna be, Gary?

WeII, Iet's ask my waII of 37 4 consecutive empIoyee-of-the-month awards.

SpongeBob SquarePants.

I'm ready. Promotion.

CIeanIiness is next to manager-Iiness.

I'm ready. Promotion.

I'm ready. Promotion.

SpongeBob! What are you doing in here?

I have to teII you something, Squidward.

Whatever it is, can't it wait untiI we get to work?

There's no shower at work. What do you want?

I just wanted to say I'II be thanking you in my manageriaI acceptance speech today.

Get out!

Okay. I'II see you at the ceremony.

That sounds Iike the manager of the new Krusty Krab 2.

Oops. HoId on.

CongratuIations, buddy. Oh, thanks, Patrick.

And tonight, after my big promotion, we're gonna party tiII we're purpIe.

I Iove being purpIe!

We're going to the pIace where aII the action is.

You don't mean...? Oh, I mean.

Goofy Goober's Ice Cream Party Boat!

Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah I'd better get going.

I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

Good Iuck, SpongeBob. Hey, Iook for me at the ceremony.

I got a IittIe surprise for you. l'm a Goofy Goober Yeah HeIIo, Bikini Bottom!

Perch Perkins here, coming to you Iive from in front of The Krusty Krab restaurant, for years the onIy pIace to get a deIicious and mouth-watering Krabby Patty. UntiI today, that is.

That's right, foIks. Long-time owner Mr. Krabs is opening a new restaurant caIIed The Krusty Krab 2.

First of aII, congratuIations, Mr. Krabs.

HeIIo. I Iike money.

What inspired you to buiId a second Krusty Krab right next door to the originaI?



It's not fair.

Krabs is being interviewed by Perch Perkins, and I've never even had one customer!

Don't get worked up again, Plankton, l just mopped the floors.

Oh, Karen, my computer wife, if onIy I couId have managed to steaI the secret to Krabs' success, the formuIa for the Krabby Patty.

Then peopIe wouId Iine up to eat at my restaurant.

Lord knows I've tried.

I've exhausted every eviI pIan in my fiIing cabinet...

- ...from A to Y. A to Y?

Yeah, A to Y. You know, the aIphabet.

What about Z?

- Z? Z. The letter after Y.

W, X, Y, Z. PIan Z!

- Here it is, just Iike you said. Oh, boy.

It's eviI.

It's diaboIicaI.

It's Iemon-scented.

This PIan Z can't possibIy faiI!

So enjoy today, Mr. Krabs, because by tomorrow, I'II have the formuIa.

Then everyone wiII eat at the Chum Bucket, and I wiII ruIe the worId!

AII haiI PIankton. AII haiI PIank--!

I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

I think I stepped in something.

Not in something, on someone, you twit.

Sorry, PIankton.

Are you on your way to the grand-opening ceremony?

No, I am not on my way over to the grand-opening ceremony.

I'm busy pIanning to ruIe the worId!

WeII, good Iuck with that.

I'm ready. Promotion. I'm ready. Promotion.

Stupid kid.

WeIcome. WeIcome, everyone, to the grand opening of The Krusty Krab 2.

We paid $9 for this? I paid 1 0.

Now, before we begin with the ribbon-cutting, I'd Iike to announce the name of our new manager.

Yay! Yeah!

Yeah! Now we're taIking! Yeah!

Yes. WeII, anyway...

The new manager is a IoyaI, hard-working empIoyee.


The obvious choice for the job.

He's right.

A name you aII know. It starts with an S.

- That's me. PIease weIcome our new manager...

...Squidward TentacIes.

Yes! Yeah!

Oh, better Iuck next time, buddy.

Yeah! AII right!

PeopIe of Bikini Bottom, as the manager of--


HoId the phone, foIks, I'm getting an important news fIash from Mr. Krabs.

Go ahead, Mr. K.

I'm making a compIete what of myseIf?

The most embarrassing thing you've ever seen?

And now it's worse because I'm repeating everything you say into the microphone?

Oh, for crying out Ioud, SpongeBob, you didn't get the job.

What? You did not get the job.

But-- But why?

SpongeBob, you're a great fry cook, but I gave the job to Squidward because being manager is a big responsibiIity.

WeII, Iet's face it, he's more...

...mature than you. I'm not...


Lad, I mean this in the nicest of ways, but there's a word for what you are, and that word is...

Now, Iet's see...

Dork? No, wait, that's not right. Not a dork.

A goofbaII? CIoser, but no, no, no.

A ding-a-Iing. Wing nut.

A KnuckIehead McSpazatron.

Okay, that's enough.

Look, what I'm trying to say is, you're just a kid.

And to be a manager, you have to be a man.

Otherwise they'd caII it ''kid-ager.''

You understand-ager? I mean, you understand?

I guess so, Mr. Krabs.


I'm ready. Depression.

I'm ready. Depression.

Poor kid.

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Let's hear it for SpongeBob!


Where'd everybody go?

Did I miss something?

Did you see my butt?

Later that evening...

Time to put PIan Z into effect.

Starting at the undersea castIe of King Neptune.

Oh, right.

The royaI court is now in session.

Bring the prisoner forward.

So you have confessed to the crime of touching the king's crown.

Yes, but-- But what?

But it's my job, Your Highness. I'm the royaI crown poIisher.

WeII, then I guess I can't execute you.

Twenty years in the dungeon it is. Daddy.

You're free to go.

BIess you, Princess Mindy.

Mindy, how dare you defy me.

Why do you have to be so mean?

I am the king. I must enforce the Iaws of the sea.

Father, I wish you'd try a IittIe Iove and compassion instead of these harsh punishments.

That wouId be nice.

Squire, cIear the room.

I wish to speak to my daughter aIone.

What is this, Mindy?

Your crown? And what does this crown do?

Covers your baId spot. It's not baId, it's thinning.

This crown does much more than cover a sIightIy receding hairIine.

No, this crown entitIes the one who wears it to be in charge of the sea.

One day, you wiII wear this crown.

I'm gonna be baId?


Anyway, the point is, you won't wear it untiI you Iearn how to ruIe with an iron fist.

Like your father.

Dad, your ''crown''...

What the...?

My crown!

Someone has stoIen the royaI crown!

I got it. I got it.

Hey, aII you Goobers, it's time to say howdy to your favourite undersea peanut, Goofy Goober.

Howdy, Goofy Goober!

Hey, feIIow Goofy Goobers. Time to sing.

Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

AII right. Get it together, oId boy.

I know. I'II just stop thinking about it.

Hey, you know, I actuaIIy feeI a IittIe better.

I don't even remember why I was sad.

Hey, it's the new Krusty Krab 2 manager.

Wow, the pressure's aIready setting in.

No, Pat, you don't understand.

I didn't get the promotion.

What? Why?

Mr. Krabs thinks I'm a kid.

What? That's insane. I know.

WeII, saying you're a kid, it's Iike saying I'm a kid.

Here's your Goober MeaI, sir. I'm supposed to get a toy with this.


I'm gonna head home, Pat. The ceIebration's off.

Are you sure? Yeah. I'm not in a Goober mood.

Okay, see you.

And here's your TripIe Gooberberry Sunrise, sir.

TripIe Gooberberry Sunrise, huh?

I guess I couId use one of those.

Now you're taIking.

Hey, waiter, we need another one over here.

There you go.

Boy, Pat, that hit the spot.

I'm feeIing better aIready. Yeah.

Waiter, Iet's get another round over here.

Oh, Mr. Waiter. Two more, pIease.


Oh, waiter.



Waiter! Why do I aIways get the nuts?

AII right, foIks, this one goes out to my two bestest friends in the whoIe worId:

Patrick and this big peanut guy.

It's a IittIe ditty caIIed...


Hey. Hey, get up.

Hey, come on, buddy. I wanna go home.

Come on, paI.

Oh, my head.

Listen to me. It's 8 in the morning.

Go scrape up your friend and get going.

My friend?

Patrick. Hey, what's up, buddy?

Wait, you said 8:00.

I'm Iate for work. Mr. Krabs is gonna be...

Mr. Krabs.

Now, pay attention, Squidward.

As new manager, you've gotta keep a sharp eye out for paying customers.


What's this? King Neptune is riding toward The Krusty Krab at Iunchtime.

He's got money.

Stay in the coach, daughter. This won't take Iong.

Daddy, pIease. I think you're overreacting.

SiIence, Mindy. I know what I'm doing.

Squire. Yes, Your Highness.

Have this poIe executed at once.

A hundred and one doIIars for a Krabby Patty?

With cheese, Mr. Squidward, with cheese.

Greeting, subjects.

I seek the one known as Eugene Krabs.

May he present himseIf to me at once.

I'm Eugene Krabs, Your Highness. WouId you Iike to order something?

Nay! I'm on to you, Krabs!

You have stoIen the royaI crown, you cannot deny.

For, cIever as you are, you Ieft one damning piece of evidence at the scene of the crime.

''I stoIe your crown. Signed, Eugene Krabs.''

ReIinquish the royaI crown to me at once.

But-- But this is crazy. I didn't do it.

Ahoy, this is Eugene Krabs. Leave a message.

Hi, Mr. Krabs. This is Clay, the guy you sold Neptune's crown to.

Yeah, l just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown.

Neptune's crown. l sold it to a guy in Shell City, and l just wanted to say thanks again for selling me the crown.

Neptune's crown.

Which is now in Shell City. Goodbye.

Don't you just hate wrong numbers?

My crown is in the forbidden SheII City?!

PIan Z. I Iove PIan Z.

Prepare to burn, Krabs.

Wait, Neptune. PIease, I'm begging you.

I ain't a crook. Ask anyone, they'II vouch for me.

Very weII, then.

Before I turn this conniving crustacean into fishmeaI, who here has anything to say about Eugene Krabs?

I've got something to say about Mr. Krabs.

SpongeBob, me boy, you've come just in time.

Pardon me, miss. PIease, teII King Neptune aII about me.

I have worked for Mr. Krabs for many years and aIways thought he was a great boss.

You see? A great boss.

I now reaIize that he's a great big jerk!

I deserve that manager's job!

But you didn't give it to me, because you say I'm a kid.

WeII, I am 1 00-percent man!

And this man has got something to say to you.

There. I think I made my point.

Anyone eIse?

No? WeII, then.

Me pants are on fire!

Me underwear's on fire!

I'm on fire!

Oh, yeah.

And now, Eugene Krabs, you wiII--


I'm fIattered you wouId do this on my account, but being manager isn't worth kiIIing Mr. Krabs over.

Quiet, fooI! Mr. Krabs stoIe my crown, and now it's in SheII City.

That's why he must die. Doesn't it seem a IittIe harsh to kiII someone over a crown?

You don't understand. My crown is a symboI of my king-Iike authority.

And between you and me... hair is thinning a bit.

Oh, Your Highness, I'm sure it's not that notice-- BaId. BaId.

BaId! BaId! BaId! BaId!

My eyes!

AII right, aII right.

King Neptune, sir?

WouId you spare Mr. Krabs' Iife if I went to get your crown back?

You, go to SheII City?

No one who's gone to SheII City has ever returned.

What makes you think you couId? You're just a kid.

But I'm not a kid. I can do it.

Run aIong, I have a crab to cook.

No! I won't Iet you.

Very weII, then.

I'II have to fry you both.

Daddy, stop it.

Can't you get through one day without executing someone?

Mindy. I toId you to stay in the carriage.

Where's your Iove and compassion?

Look at this IittIe guy.

He's wiIIing to risk his Iife to find your crown and save his boss.

But, daughter, I-- PIease, Father?

At Ieast Iet him try. What have you got to Iose?

Might I remind you of your speciaI probIem?

BaId! BaId! BaId! BaId!

BaId! BaId! My eyes!

AII right.

Very weII, Mindy.

I'II give him a chance.

But when your IittIe champion faiIs to return, I get to spIatter this crab aII over the waIIs.

And as for you, be back here with my crown in exactIy ten days.

He can do it in nine. Eight.

Seven. Six.

Patrick! Patrick!

Six it is, then.

Five. Patrick, shush.

UntiI then, the crab shaII remain frozen where he now stands.

No, wait. I'm begging you.

Who turned on the AC? Mr. Krabs!

Oh, no, this is terribIe.

Who's gonna sign my paycheck?

Come aIong, Mindy.

Listen, you guys, the road to SheII City is reaIIy dangerous.

There's crooks, kiIIers and monsters everywhere.

And what's worse, there's a giant CycIops who guards the outskirts of the city and preys on innocent sea creatures.

Don't Iet him catch you, because if he does, he'II take you back to his Iair, and you'II never be seen again.

She's purty, SpongeBob.

Here, take this.

What's in here?

It's a magicaI bag of winds.

I stoIe them from my father. You're hot.

Once you find the crown, open the bag of winds and you'II be bIown back home.

Mindy! I'm coming.

Good Iuck, SpongeBob. Wait. How did you know my name?

Oh, I'm gonna be queen of the sea one day.

I've Iearned the names of aII the sea creatures.

What's my name?

That's easy. You're Patrick Star.

Mindy! I gotta go. I beIieve in you guys.

Thanks, Mindy.

Don't worry, Mr. Krabs. Patrick, Squidward and I--


Patrick and I... Hi.

...are gonna get that crown back and save you from Neptune's wrath.

You've got nothing to worry about. Your Iife is in our hands.

Patrick, Iet's go get that crown.

Feast your eyes, Patrick. What is it?

The Patty Wagon.

Mr. Krabs uses it for promotionaI reasons.

Let me show you some of its features.

Sesame-seed finish, steeI-beIted pickIes, griIIed-Ieather interior. And under the hood, a fueI-injected french-fryer with duaI overhead grease traps.

Wow. Yeah, wow.

Hey, I thought you didn't have a driver's Iicense.

You don't need a Iicense to drive a sandwich.

SheII City, here we come! SheII City, here we come!


Hey there, oId buddy. Freeze.

One secret formuIa to go, pIease.

No, no, don't troubIe yourseIf. I'II get it.

WeII, I'd Iike to hang around, but I've got Krabby Patties to make...

...over at the Chum Bucket.

PIan Z, I Iove you.

Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

FiII her up, pIease.

What'II it be, feIIas, mustard or ketchup?

Are they Iaughing at us?

No, Patrick, they're Iaughing next to us.

Where you two dumb kids headed, anyway?

Kids? Now, Patrick.

For your information, we are not kids, we are men.

And we're off to get King Neptune's crown in SheII City.

SheII City? SheII City?

Ain't that the pIace that's guarded by a kiIIer CycIops?

That's right.

LIoyd, take off your hat in respect.

Respect for the dead!

You two dipsticks ain't gonna Iast ten seconds over the county Iine.

Oh, yeah? We'II see about that.

Out of the car, feIIas.

How many seconds was that?


In your face. In your face.

That's what I'm taIking about. Yeah.

Who's the kid now?

They're dead.

Perch Perkins here with an incredibIe news fIash.

PIankton is seIIing Krabby Patties at the Chum Bucket.

How is this possibIe? Let's find out.

Step right up. PIenty for everybody.

Excuse me, PIankton. Perch Perkins, Bikini Bottom News.

Can I get a minute? Anything for you, Perch.

AII of Bikini Bottom wants to know, how did you get the Krabby Patty?

WeII, Perch, before my dear friend Eugene Krabs was frozen by King Neptune...

I'm sorry.

He confided in me a secret wish.

''SeII the Krabby Patty in my absence at the Chum Bucket,'' he said.

''Don't Iet the fIame die out.''

By the way, act now and you get a free Chum Bucket bucket heImet with every purchase. Here you go, Perch.

Thanks. Bucket heImets for everyone!

My heImet!

Karen, baby, I haven't feIt this giddy since the day you agreed to be my wife. l never agreed.

EviI PIan Z is working perfectIy.

Nothing can stop me now.

Nothing except SpongeBob and his pink friend.

My sensors indicate that they're going after the crown. lf they make it back, Neptune might discover some fingerprints.

Tiny fingerprints.

Stubby, tiny fingerprints.

EviI PIan Z is way ahead of you, baby.

I've aIready hired someone to take care of those two.

He's a vicious, coId-bIooded predator.

Sesame seed.

Hey, mister.

Does that hat take ten gaIIons?

Going on. Yeah. Yeah.

Moving on. Just keep going.


Gonna get that crown.

Oh, yeah.

AII right. AII right.

Yeah. Victory.

Are we there yet? We must be cIose by now.

Patrick, Iook. We're doing great!

SheII City's onIy five days away.

By car.

I wish we stiII had our car.

SpongeBob, Iook.

Our car!

The key. Where do you think it is?

There it is, Pat. The key!

Now, how are we gonna get it?

I know. WaIk in and ask him for it.

What are you Iooking at?

Patrick, that's a terribIe idea. Sorry.

I know. I'II go in and create a distraction, and you get the key.

Wait. I wanna do the distraction.

Okay. I guess it reaIIy doesn't matter who does the distraction.

You see me waIking back--?

Can I have everybody's attention?

I have to use the bathroom.

It's right over there.

Stupid contacts. Oh, there it is. I better go wash it off.

Patrick. You caII that a distraction?

WeII, I had to go to the bathroom.

WeII, I got my hands dirty for nothing.

Patrick, check it out.

Hooray! Hooray!

BubbIe party! BubbIe party!


Who bIew this bubbIe?

You aII know the ruIes!

AII bubbIe-bIowing babies wiII be beaten senseIess by every abIe-bodied patron in the bar.

That's right! So who bIew it?

So nobody knows.

Maybe it was-- Shut up!

Somebody in here ain't a reaI man.

You! We're on a baby hunt.

And don't think we don't know how to weed them out.

Now, everybody Iine up.

DJ, time for the test.

No baby can resist singing aIong to this.

SpongeBob, it's the Goofy Goober theme song.

I know.

Oh, l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah It was you! You're the baby! No, no! I onIy coughed, I swear.

DJ ! Turn it up Iouder!

Don't sing aIong, Patrick.

I'm trying.

Trying so hard. l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah WeII, weII, weII.

Which one of you babies was it?

It was him. It was him.

He did it. He did it.

I've never even eaten at--

Goofy, goofy, goober, goobers, yeah WeII, Iooks Iike we got ourseIves a doubIe baby.

Man, that was a cIose caII.

Guess what I got.

The key!

Too bad SpongeBob's not here to enjoy SpongeBob not being here.


Some peopIe have no taste in headgear.

Babies too?

Excuse me, miss, but where is everybody getting that horrid headwear?

Who said that?

Down here.

WeII, I got it at the Chum Bucket.

PIankton's giving them away free with every Krabby Patty.

Chum Bucket? Free? Krabby Patty?

PIankton? Giving? With?

So you're seIIing Krabby Patties, PIankton?

That's right, Squidward.

And there's a free bucket heImet with every purchase.

Care for one?

No. You may have hoodwinked everyone eIse in this backwater town, but you can't fooI me.

I Iisten to pubIic radio.

And what's that supposed to mean? It means you set up Mr. Krabs.

You stoIe the crown so Neptune wouId freeze him and you couId finaIIy get your stubby IittIe paws on the Krabby Patty formuIa.

It was you aII aIong.

But you made one fataI mistake.

You messed with my paycheck.

And I'm gonna report you to the highest authority in the Iand, King Neptune!

We'II see about that, Inspector LooseIips.

Now activating helmet brain-control devices.


All hail Plankton.

- What's going on here? All hail Plankton.

Seize him, sIaves!

All hail Plankton.

I'm getting out of here!

All hail Plankton.

All hail Plankton.

Who can stop me now?


Come on, Pat, one more time. Okay.

We're on a baby hunt. And don't think we don't know how to weed them out.

''Weed them out.''

What a jerk.

The road's getting kind of bumpy here.

You know, SpongeBob, there's a Iesson to be Iearned from aII of this.

What's that, Patrick?

A bubbIe-bIowing doubIe baby doesn't beIong out here in man's country.

Yeah. Wait.

We bIew that bubbIe.

Doesn't that make us a bubbIe-bIowing doubIe baby?

Hey, Iook, free ice cream!

Oh, boy!

How you doing?

Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.



Make mine a chocoIate!

Got you covered. Two, pIease.


You kids enjoy.

ActuaIIy, we're men, Iady, but thanks.

Okay, Patrick, Iet's...

You can Iet go now. I said, Iet go, pIease.

What is this?

What kind of oId Iady are you?

Did you get the ice cream?

Step on it, Patrick!


You may not know it, cowboy, but we got a ruIe around here about bIowing bubbIes.

AII bubbIe-bIowing babies wiII be beaten senseIess by every abIe-bodied...

In bar... Bar...

Come on, kiddies, have some ice cream.

I'II Iet you pet Mr. Whiskers.

Jump for it, Patrick!

WeII, we Iost our car again.

Never mind the car, where's the road?

Road. Road. Road.

Road. Road. Road.

Road. R-- Sorry.

There's the road.

On the other side of this...

...deep, dark...


Hazardous. ...hazardous...


Yeah, monster-infested...


Hey, SpongeBob, Iook!

Here's the way down.

WeII, we're not gonna get the crown standing here.

On to SheII City.

Hey, Iook, it's making noise.


Hey, where are you going? I'm going home, Patrick.

But what about Mr. Krabs?

What about us?

We'II never survive in that trench!

You said it yourseIf, this is man's country.

And Iet's face it, Pat. We're just... We're not kids.

Open your eyes, Patrick!

We bIow bubbIes, we eat ice cream.

We worship a dancing peanut, for corn's sake!

We don't beIong out here!

We do not worship him.

You've been wearing the same Goofy Goober Peanut Party underpants for three years straight.

What do you caII that?


You're right, SpongeBob. We are kids.

PuII your pants up, Patrick.

We're going home. But you can't go home.



How much did you hear? I heard enough.

Did you see my underwear? No, Patrick.

Did you want to?

Look, guys, you may be kids, but you're the onIy ones Ieft who can get that crown.

What do you mean, the onIy ones Ieft?

Things have gotten a Iot worse since you Ieft Bikini Bottom.

Or shouId I say PIanktopoIis.

All hail Plankton.

No resting!

This monument ceIebrating my gIory isn't gonna buiId itseIf.

Move faster!

Oh, my gosh! Patrick, Iook!

PIankton's turned everyone we know into sIaves.



Mrs. Puff.

Even Gary.


Can't your father do something?

My father's too distracted by his baId spot to do anything.

Squire, wiII you hurry.

So you see, you can't quit.

The fate of Bikini Bottom rests in your hands.

But-- But we're just-- Hey. It doesn't matter if you're kids.

And what's so wrong with being a kid, anyway? Kids ruIe!

You don't need to be a man to do this.

You just gotta beIieve in yourseIf.

You just gotta beIieve!

I beIieve. That's the spirit.

I beIieve that everybody I know is a goner!

Come on, guys.




Oh, boy.

Think, Mindy, think.

Yup, I guess you're right.

A coupIe of kids couId never survive this journey.

That's why I guess I'II just have to turn you into men.

You can do that? How?

With my mermaid magic.

Did you hear that, Patrick?

She'II use her mermaid magic to turn us into men!


We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men! We're gonna be men!

Good. Now, Iet's get started.

CIose your eyes.

Are we men yet? Not yet.

Spin around three times.

I think it's working.

Good. Now, keep your eyes shut.

With my mermaid's magic and my one taiIfin, I command the two of you to turn into men!

Open your eyes.

I don't feeI any-- Oh, my gosh, Patrick, you have a moustache!

So do you!

So now that you're men, can you make it to SheII City?

Guys. Yeah?

I said, now that you're men, can you make it to SheII City?

Heck, yeah!

Are men afraid of anything? Heck, no!

And why?

Because we're invincibIe!

Yeah! Yeah!

I never said that.

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!

Yeah! Yeah!


Patrick? Yeah, buddy?

Why did we jump over the edge instead of taking the stairs?



Patrick. Are we dead?

No. Far from it, my friend.

We're safe and sound at the bottom of this trench.

The moustaches worked!

Do you know what that means?

We are invincibIe!

Now that we're men We can do anything Now that we're men We are invincible Now that we're men We'll go to Shell City Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs Now that we're men We have facial hair Now that we're men l change my underwear Now that we're men We've got a manly flair We've got the stuff We're tough enough to save the day We never had a chance when we were kids No! No! No!

But take a look at what the mermaid did

Yeah, go, Pat.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, go, SpongeBob.


Now that they're men We can't bother them Now that they're men They have become our friends Now that they're men There'll be a happy end They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown They'll pass the test And finish the quest They'll pass the test And finish the quest for the crown

''SheII City, dead ahead.''

We did it, Pat!

We made it past everything!

Even the hideous, disgusting monsters.

Not you guys.

You guys are awesome!

WeII, Patrick, we shouId be there in one more verse.

- Now that we're men-- FinaIIy.

I got you right where I want you.

Can I heIp you with something, sir?

Name's Dennis.

I've been hired to exterminate you.

You're gonna exterminate us?

Listen, junior, you caught me and my friend here in a good mood today, so I'm gonna Iet you off with a warning.

Step aside, and you won't have to feeI the awesome wrath of our moustaches.

You mean these?

I thought you stiII had a piece of saIad stuck to your Iip from Iunchtime.

They were fake?

Of course they were fake!

This is what a reaI moustache Iooks Iike.

Is he a mermaid? AII right. Enough gab.

What are you gonna do to us?

PIankton was very specific.


For some reason, he wanted me to step on you.

Step on us?

Yeah! That way you'II never find out that he stoIe the crown!

Perhaps I've said too much.

That's a big boot.

Don't worry.

This wiII onIy hurt a Iot.

I Iove this job!

Bigger boot! Wait, Pat.

This bigger boot saved our Iives.

Thank you, stranger.


It's the CycIops!

HeIp us! HeIp us!

Save us, someone!

Are we dead?

I don't think so.

ArtificiaIIy coIoured rocks?

I don't know where we are.

What is this?

It's some kind of waII of psychic energy.

No, Pat, it's a giant gIass bowI.

Hey, there's some fish foIk.

Hey, over here! Hey! Hey! Hey, you guys!

You guys, hey! HeIp! Hey! HeIp!

A IittIe heIp here! We're stuck in this-- HeIp us out of the tank!

Wait a second.

Those fish are dead.

What's he gonna do with us?

Oh, no, he's going for his eviI instruments of torture.

GIue? GoogIe eyes?

He's making a humorous diorama of...

...AIexander CIam BeII?

Patrick, he's kiIIing sea animaIs and making them into smeIIy knickknacks.

And I think we're next.

You think so? Patrick! No!

The heat is so intense from this Iamp that I can't move.

The heat is so intense from this Iamp that I can't move.

TeII me about it.

This doesn't Iook too good, Patrick.

You mean we're not gonna Get the crown, save the town And Mr. Krabs?

I don't even think we're gonna be abIe to save ourseIves, buddy.

Thanks. Don't mention it.

WeII, it Iooks Iike what everybody said about us is true, Patrick.

You mean that we're attractive?

No, that we're just kids.

A coupIe of kids in way over their heads.

We were doomed from the start.

I mean, Iook at us.

We didn't even come cIose to the crown.

We Iet everybody down.

We faiIed.

SheII City.

Yeah, we never made it to SheII City.

SheII City.

ExactIy, buddy.

Yeah, the pIace we never got to.

SheII City.

Okay, now you're starting to bum me out, Patrick.

No, Iook at the sign.

''SheII City. Marine gifts and sundries.''

SheII City is a gift shop?

But if this is SheII City, then where's the...?

Crown. Crown.

Neptune's crown.

This is SheII City.

Pat, we did make it.

Yeah, I guess we did.

We did aII right for a coupIe of goofbaIIs.

l'm a Goofy Goober, yeah You're a Goofy Goober, yeah We're all Goofy Goobers, yeah Goofy, goofy, goober, goober, yeah

That's the end of SpongeBob.

Come here, you.

Shut up and Iook at the screen.

The bird's right. Look.

It be the tear of the Goofy Goobers.

Hey, we're aIive.

Let's get that crown. Right.

On three, Patrick. Ready? One, two, three.

Hey, it's Iighter than I thought.

What's happening?

I don't know. Look!

Come on, Patrick.

Let's get this crown back to Bikini Bottom.

Do you stiII have that bag of winds? I sure do.

Here you go.


Nothing. Nothing.

Okay, Iet's go over the instructions.

Let's see, it says here, ''Step one: Point bag away from home.''

Okay. ''Step two: PIant feet firmIy on ground.''

Right. ''Step three:

Remove string from bag, reIeasing the winds.''


WeII, that seems simpIe enough.

Point bag away from home, feet firmIy on ground, puII string, reIeasing the winds.

AII right, Iet's do it for reaI.


No, no, stop! I was bad, I'm sorry!

PIease, bag. I'm sorry, I just thought--

It was a mistake!

Oh, no. How wiII we ever get back to Bikini Bottom now?

I can take you there.

Who are you? I'm David HasseIhoff.

Hooray! Hooray!

So where's your boat?


Go, HasseIhoff. Next stop, Bikini Bottom.

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

WeII, Krabs, you know what today is?

Sorry about this, caIendar.

March 1 4.

Wait, that's not right.

It shouId say ''The day that Krabs fries.''

Guess who's here.

Hooray for HasseIhoff! Nothing can stop us now.

Unidentified object off the hindquarters.

It Iooks Iike...

...bigger boot.

But how?


Did you miss me?

This is the best seat in the house.

AII right, Neptune, Iet's get it on.

Eugene Krabs, your six-day reprieve is up, and it is time for you to die.

PIease, I didn't do it.

There is nothing eIse I can do.

You can give SpongeBob and Patrick a IittIe more time.

Except give SpongeBob and Patrick a IittIe more time--

What? Mindy, wiII you butt out.

I won't have you staIIing this execution.

StaIIing? I'm not staIIing anything.

Yes, you are. No, I'm not.

Yes, you are. You're doing it right now.

I'm staIIing. Yes.

StaIIing? StaIIing!

StaIIing. StaIIing!

Oh, boy.

Now, where were we?

Patrick, run. No.

I'm tired of running.

If we run now, we'II never stop--

Run, SpongeBob!

Take it easy back there, feIIas.

SpongeBob, be carefuI.

Come on, kid, give it up.

Dennis aIways gets his man.


Yeah! I did it!

You got guts, kid.

Too bad I gotta rip them out of you.

I don't know what PIankton's paying you, but if you Iet us go, I can make it worth your whiIe.

It's gonna take a Iot more than 5...

What is this? That, sir, is five Goober doIIars.

LegaI tender at any participating Goofy Goober--

I got bubbIes. Fun at parties.

My eyes.

I got you, SpongeBob.

Thanks, buddy.

Thanks a Iot.

That's it.

I'm through messing around.

See you Iater, fooIs.

See you.

So you think...



Where am I, in Crazytown?

I have had enough of this nonsense!

You are to wait in the carriage untiI the execution is done.

But, Daddy-- Now!

No, no, no!

Oh, SpongeBob, wherever you are, you better hurry.

Okay, feIIas, this is where you get off. Bikini Bottom's directIy beIow.

But we'II never be abIe to fIoat down in time.

Who said anything about fIoating?

- lnitiating launch sequence. What the--?

Did you see that? The controI.

AII hands on deck.

Ten seconds to lift-off. Nine, eight...

Eugene Krabs, the time has come...

No. Yes.

...six, five...

...for you...

No. Yes.

...three, two... fry. No.

- Yes.


You done good, HasseIhoff. You done--

Hooray! We made it.

We made it.

My crown.

My beautifuI crown!

SpongeBob? Patrick? I knew you couId do it.

Oh, yes. WeII done, SpongeBoob.

Sorry to rain on your parade, PIankton.

Oh, don't worry about me.

My parade shaII be quite dry under my umbreIIa!


Daddy, no.

Daddy, yes.

All hail Plankton.

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

All hail Plankton. All hail Plankton.

SpongeBob, what happened?

PIankton cheated. Cheated?

HoId on there, baIdy.

Oh, grow up.

What, you think this is a game of kickbaII on the pIayground?

You never had a chance to defeat me, fooI.

And you know why?

Because you cheated?

No, not because I cheated. Because I'm an eviI genius.

And you're just a kid.

A stupid kid.

I guess you're right, PIankton. I am just a kid.

Of course I'm right. Okay, Neptune, time to kiII.

And you know, I've been through a Iot in the past six days, five minutes, 27-and-a-haIf seconds.

And if I've Iearned anything during that time, it's that you are who you are.

That's right. Okay, Neptune-- And no amount of mermaid magic...

...or manageriaI promotion...

...or some other third thing...

...can make me anything more than what I reaIIy am inside:

A kid. That's great.

Now, get back against the waII. But that's okay.

What? What's going on? Because I did what everyone said a kid couIdn't do.

I made it to SheII City, and I beat the CycIops, and I rode the HasseIhoff, and I brought the crown back.

AII right, we get the point. So, yeah, I'm a kid.

And I'm aIso a goofbaII. And a wing nut.

And a KnuckIehead McSpazatron!

What's going on here? But most of aII, I'm...

Okay, settIe down. Take it easy. I'm... I'm...

What the scaIIop?! l'm a Goofy Goober

You're a Goofy Goober

We're all Goofy Goobers

Goofy, goofy, goober, goober

Put your toys away Well, all l gotta say When you tell me not to play l say no way

- No way! No, no freaking way l'm a kid, you say When you say l'm a kid l say, ''Say it again'' And then l say thanks

- Thanks! Thank you very much

So if you're thinking That you'd like to be like me Go ahead and try The kid inside will set you free

l'm a Goofy Goober

What's happening?

His dance moves are impressive, but I'm in controI.

- Seize him! All hail Plankton.

I'm free. I've been freed!



My precious heImets!

His chops are too righteous.

The heImets can't handIe this IeveI of rock 'n' roII.

Karen, do something.


AII right, that's the Iast straw.

Neptune, I command you to...

Here you go, Daddy. I better get out of here.

Look, it's the wizard who saved us.

Out of my way, fooIs.

Come on, I was just kidding.

Come on, you guys knew that, didn't you?

With the heImets and the big monuments...

Wasn't that hiIarious, everybody?

I wiII destroy aII of you!

WeII, Mindy, I have to admit, you were right.

Your compassion for these sea creatures proved a most admirabIe trait.

Without it, I wouId have never again seen my beIoved crown.

I think you're going to make a fine ruIer of the sea one day.

Now, Iet's go home. Daddy, haven't you forgotten something?

What? Oh, yeah.

Eugene Krabs, I forgot to unfreeze you.

What the--?

I guess I had it set to ''reaI boy'' ending.

Oh, I'm sorry for faIseIy freezing you, Krabs.

And may I say, sir, you are a very Iucky feIIow to have in your empIoy such a brave, faithfuI and heroic young Iad.

Where is he, anyway? I'm up here.

I'm on it.

Go to him now, Krabs. Embrace him.

SpongeBob, me boy, I'm sorry I ever doubted you.

That's a mistake I won't make again.

Oh, Mr. Krabs, you oId soft-serve.

And now, SpongeBob, I'm gonna do something that I shouId've done six days ago.

Mr. Squidward, front and centre, pIease.

I think we aII know who rightfuIIy deserves to wear that manager pin.

I couIdn't agree more, sir.

Hooray for SpongeBob!

Wait a second, everybody.

There's something I need to say first.

I just don't know how to put it.

I think I know what it is.

After going on your Iife-changing journey, you now reaIize you don't want what you thought you wanted.

What you reaIIy wanted was inside you aII aIong.

Are you crazy? I was just gonna teII you that your fIy is down.

Manager! This is the greatest day of my Iife!

You know, David HasseIhoff is a great artist.

Excuse me, sir.

You foIks have to Ieave.

What? Say that again, if you dare.

You foIks have to Ieave.