when I was a kid, Sundays were always the best.
My father would make a big breakfast.
Scrambled eggs, waffles, bacon... and he always made the best bacon too.
Then we would get into our Cadillac.
Boy, did he keep that car waxed until it gleamed.
Then we'd go off on a new adventure.
You never knew what was gonna happen next with my father.
You only knew it was gonna be fun.
Willie, you son of a bitch!
My father was a big track star when he was in school.
You should a seen him run. I see you, Willie!
Your ass is grass! Come on, Louie! Get him, Daddy!
Don't fall behind! He owned most of the buildings in the neighborhood.
And I'll tell you, people really looked up to him.
Deadbeat son of a bitch. where's the rent?
I'm a little short right now. How 'bout another week? Another week?
Another week? what do you say, Louie? Should we give him another week?
Uh, okay. Okay? Really? You sure? Remember... that three dollars I give you every week really isn't an allowance.
It's more like a percentage.
You let this guy skate, that means you only get 2.70, okay?
Remember. The other tenants are gonna want another week.
You know what that means? Pretty soon you'll be down to nothing. Zero. Zip!
No ice cream. No soda.
No candy. You wanna steal candy out of my kid's mouth?
No, man, no. Then give me what you got.
Friday, Willie. I want the rest Friday.
Yeah. Don't hold your breath.
One down, 63 to go. There you are, Louie.
You're a buck short, Dad. No, it's all there.
Take another look. You might have made a mistake. Dad!
January's a very tough month. So is December. Gimme my money.
That's my boy.
Yeah, Sundays were always the best.
It's all yours. Your first building.
You're a landlord now, like your old man.
It's just a start, but someday, all my buildings will be yours!
Thanks, Big Lou.
Okay, assholes. Here comes Kritski.
In and out all day. In! Out! In! Out!
In! Out! See, that's how the door broke.
You're supposed to go in and stay in!
She goes out to buy milk, she buys one milk. She goes out to get eggs, she gets two eggs.
You get 'em by the dozen, pal! A dozen! You ever hear of a dozen? A dozen?
No entiendo. Es no bueno. No good. I-It's broken.
But it worked before you broke it! It ain't my problem!
It worked... It worked before you broke it. "
You want your electricity fixed, move!
Check into the fuckin' Plaza! Just gimme my rent, lady!
Look at my boy. How's he supposed to do his schoolwork at night?
By candlelight? Lincoln did.
If he's got anything on the ball, maybe he'll grow up to be president. what the fuck do I know? Just gimme the rent. Mm. Mm. Mm. Mm.
Mm. Mm. Mm. Gimme the rent.
Do you know what kind of droppings those are?
Moose droppings. Rat droppings, Kritski.
You really know your shit, don't ya?
what's the matter? You got no sense of humor?
So what are you gonna do about it? Nothin'.
They pay the rent, they can stay!
You're late with your rent, Marlon.
I know, I know. Mommy's dying again, you had to send her money?
How many times is it this year mamacita has almost croaked?
Six. Seex. "
You know, I'm so glad she's still with us. Listen. why don't you insure the woman? This way, when she decides... to join that big pinata party in the sky... you can use the insurance money to pay your rent!
Know what I mean? what is it with you Latins?
Don't you have any pride?
I got pride. I'm proud I live in a building.
I'm proud I don't live inside of a cardboard box. "
I have an address I can afford. I'm proud of that.
Just gimme the rent. In my hand. Friday. Cash.
Que pasa, Brother Gilliam? Oh, Jesus.
Couldn't be better. I woke up this morning and found myself still among the living.
Hallelujah. I'll see your hallelujah "and I'll raise you an amen. "
Oh, yeah! "
I prayed for you last night, Mr. Kritski.
I prayed for you to get my commode fixed. "
Get out of my way and leave me alone!
You don't want me to leave you alone. Trust me, I do.
No, Satan wants me to leave you alone. we both want you to leave me alone.
Kritski! You goddamn, money-grubbin; honky slumlord!
Finally, somebody who understands me. You must be Louis Kritski. who wants to know? I'm Naomi Bensinger.
Oh, yeah? You like this car, Naomi? This is my car.
I'm counsel for the Housing Authority.
Get off the car. Off the car! Beat it!
Can't have a relationship with a woman who uses words like counsel " and authority. "
Even if you are a good-lookin' broad, you know what I'm sayin'?
Mr. Kritski, I have in here copies of dozens of violations on this building... that you have willfully ignored in an unconscionable fashion.
I never said I was Kritski. You didn't have to. They did.
You gonna listen to them? Huh? They think we all look alike.
If you were standin' here alone, they would think you were Kritski.
Look, look, look. wait a minute. wait a minute. why don't we, uh, talk about this over lunch, huh, baby?
Mr. Kritski, I don't want to eat with you. I want to prosecute you.
See you in court.
Bad choice for a first date.
I'd like to eat with those chopsticks.
Help yourself to beans, Heather. Oh, no.
I never eat anything green. All right.
Heather, are you gonna chew gum while you're eating?
I forgot I had it in.
I can't believe I have to go to court.
I mean, I know you told me not to sweat this Housing Authority, but... they keep sending violations that were piling up... electrical, plumbing, heating...
Louie, you know how many violations get filed every year in New York City?
Two million. You know how many convictions they get?
Nada. Zip. Zero. Nada. Zip. Zero. why? Because they got a bunch of morons in City Hall. well, you didn't see this new lawyer they sent. This girl's really worked up.
I don't want to hear about lawyers. But she's different!
You know what I say about lawyers? They bust your nuts wherever you are. "
I know. I don't even know how many times they hauled me into court.
Forcing me to make repairs. Louie... what are three things you look for when you're lookin' for a piece of property?
Death, divorce and destitution. what do you do when you got a piece of property?
Nothing. That's it! Beautiful.
He provides affordable housing for the underprivileged.
That's it. Perfect! Oh.
Heather, uh... Can I ask you a question?
How far did you go in school? well, when I was in high school...
I wouldn't even let a guy touch me, but... when I got to community college, I turned pretty wild.
Anyway, uh, you got nothin' to worry tomorrow.
The judge will probably give you a slap on the wrist, or a small fine. what about the tenants? will you stop about the tenants?
You don't know. The tenants are gonna be there. Remember.
Once, they used to live in huts. They used to eat people.
You feel better now?
Come on. Eat. who gives a shit about a few whiny kookaboos?
Therefore, I find the defendant, Louis Kritski, Junior... guilty of the charges brought before this court today.
Order! Order! Order!
Yeah, that's right.
Order! Now, accordingly...
I will impose sentence at this time.
Mr. Kritski, it's within my prerogative to sentence you... to one year in the county jail.
I'm not going to do that. Huh?
In my opinion, threats of jail won't move you to bring your building into compliance.
Therefore, I am sentencing you to house arrest in one of the apartments of your building...
For a period of 120 days... or until the building is brought up to code... as required by the State of New York.
Your Honor, respectfully, I really think the maximum sentence is what's needed here.
This city must send a message to slumlords that they can't continue...
Miss Bensinger, I believe that this sentence will bring results.
As counsel for the Housing Authority, I expect you to report... any failure on Mr. Kritski's part to comply with the directives of this court.
Now, according to the report I ordered...
Apartment 5C in your building is vacant, Mr. Kritski... and is listed by you as a...
Furnished, fifth-floor charmer with a view, and close to shopping. " what? You will move in immediately.
You will reside there, serving as the building superintendent.
You will be allowed to leave only to purchase food, for medical emergencies... and for business related to the repair of the building.
You may not renovate or alter Apartment 5C to suit your needs... until the rest of the apartments in the building have been brought into compliance.
Oh, boy. Mr. Kritski, one more thing.
If that building isn't up to code in 120 days... you will go to jail.
You think you're a hotshot, don't you?
You think you're gonna make yourself a name down at City Hall? well, you're not. You know why? Because I'm gonna get a new lawyer.
A white judge, and I'm gonna appeal.
On what grounds? On the grounds that you piss me off.
I thought you said this lawyer was the best. well, he was the best in his price range. But don't worry.
Things are gonna work out. I promise you.
How could you make plans? what about...
No, I'm not going... Come on in!
I'm not goin' anywhere. No! My father'll have me out of there.
I'm out of there. No way I'm goin' to that shithole. who are you talkin' to? Heather. Tryin' to figure out where we're goin' tonight.
I'll tell you where you're goin' tonight. You going to your building to serve your time... or else you're going to jail!
I gotta run. I'll talk to you later. Heh?
Can't you do something? Louie. Louie, these things take time.
You know what that place is like! Oh! So you're giving up?
Is this what I'm hearing? No! But I don't even want to stay there one night... let alone have to live there!
You know what this is? No. well, look at it! It's your will.
That's right. who gets all my buildings? I do.
Unless what? Unless you change your mind.
Unless I change my mind. 27 buildings, worth millions of dollars.
You know what's gonna change my mind? If you fix one lousy wall in that building... if you change one lightbulb, I'm gonna take you out of the will.
I made myself clear, Louie?
Yeah, Pop. All right. Get up.
Come on! Up! Now. who are you? I'm a Kritski.
You're goddamn right you're a Kritski. what does a Kritski do when he gets property?
And what are you gonna do? I'm gonna go down there, I'm not gonna fix anything... and I'll have those jerks eatin' out of my hand after one night.
You're my boy. wonderful. wonderful.
It's not so bad.
You know what? This is gonna be okay.
So what? You know what? This is gonna be like camp.
I'll watch TV, I'll sleep. I'll hang out with Heather.
Heather's gotta come over. How bad can it be? I'll have Heather.
How the hell am I gonna do this?
Twenty-seven buildings and millions of dollars... you can fuckin'do this.
I don't believe this. I don't believe this.
Bitch! I'll kick your ass like you're a piece of meat!
You stupid asshole! Fuck you!
what the f...
Fuck it. At least it's a roof over my head.
Keep it quiet up there, Kritski!
well! At least there's a motif. wall-to-wall shit.
Great. The rats have their own Jacuzzi.
Now I know where they got the idea for the Roach Motel.
Hey. Oh, God.
Beautiful. A fuckin' sink that farts.
Don't touch me. You're crazy!
And you're a lyin' bitch! who you callin'a bitch, you ugly, one-eyed half-breed?
Oh-h. Sh! God.
what are you doin' here?
Nothin'. what do you mean, nothin'? well, what else does it mean? Nothing. what, are you spyin' on me? No.
You casin' this joint, so the brothers could rob it later?
Yeah. You really got some choice stuff here. we can't wait to get our hands on it.
How come you're not in school, kid? It's Saturday?
Yeah. Then why aren't you outside playin' basketball or break dancing?
Go ahead. Get out.
I'm gone. Hey, hey, hey, hey.
This is in. That's out. I'm takin' a shortcut.
Ah, hip stereo.
Thank you. Don't touch it, please.
This is just an old thing.
Chill, man. I'm not gonna rip you off. I'm not worried about you ripping me off.
I just don't want you touchin' it, that's all. It's already...
It's already broke. It probably don't even work. I know that. what do you mean, you know? I know. I know it's not gonna work. why wouldn't it work? were you in here while I was sleepin', goin' through my stuff?
No! No! You weren't going through my...
Did you touch this? what are you so nervous about? No!
I'm not nervous! You're not ner... well, don't move. Don't move!
Stay here. This better work.
This better work.
" And it doesn't work because you never fix... the electrical in this building.
I wasn't spyin' on you. I was just curious.
I wanted to get to know more about you.
Let me tell you something, okay? I'm not lookin' to make any friends.
I don't think that's gonna be a big problem.
Pain in the ass.
what is it? what? what? what? what?
Kritski, looks like your automobile lost a little weight.
He hasn't figured it out yet!
The alarm works!
No tires, but the alarm works! Never see that!
A robber's market! watch it.
You didn't see anything? You didn't see anything.
You didn't hear that thing? The alarm didn't go off?
You didn't hear nothing? Did you hear anything? No.
I didn't hear anything either. I didn't hear anything either. "
Did ya... I know you didn't hear anything.
Ofay! Yo, white boy, what you doin' down here? white-ass motherfucker! what are you, the welcome wagon?
Hey, nice outfits. where's the rest of the band? what's the matter, no sense of humor?
Get out of my way! Get! Get! we can double that bet.
There. You make yours. Hey, where's the storekeeper?
Let's give the shot. where's the storekeeper, guys?
I'll take that bet. Oh! what do I look like, a mirage?
I got the cue, and I'll take it. Go ahead. Cue ahead. what the hell do you want? You know what I want.
I want to get fitted for a tuxedo.
Is this a grocery store, or what?
You sell these groceries, or you guys got 'em for snacks? what do you need?
'Kay. Let me see. I got my girl comin' over. I need some wine. what kind of wine do you have here? Boy!
You got... what the fuck is that?
You expect me to drink screw-top wine?
You want a buzz? It's gonna have to come from this.
Maybe I'll just get some essentials, so we don't starve to death.
Your bread is older than your fuckin' wine!
You get it? It's... This is aged!
This is... See, this should be aged, and...
You don't... You get it? what a sense of humor!
Am I on Candid Camera in this place or what?
Um, I'll have, uh, peanut butter. Do you have any peanut butter?
One kind only. One kind only.
Let me ask you a question. why is that you have 24 different kinds of pork rinds... and you only have one kind of peanut butter?
Because we don't get too many fussy little white pricks in here.
want me to carry that bag? Hey, don't sneak up on me like that, Tito.
I wasn't sneaking up on you. Yes, you did. what are you doin' here?
I work here! You work where?
Yeah, I beat out 70 other guys for this job.
Get outta here. You were followin' me. why'd you follow me?
'Cause I knew you were out of stale bread, three-year-old peanut butter... and fifty-cent wine. Just get out of my bag, kid.
Yo, yo. You want me to carry the bag, or what?
Hey yo, yo, no. I don't want you to carry my bag.
I don't need you to carry my bag. I don't need you to do nothin' for me.
You know why? 'Cause I ain't scared in this neighborhood.
And you know why I'm not scared? 'Cause I walk it like I talk it.
what's the matter with you? what do you mean, what's the matter with me?
Nothing's wrong with me. God!
Didn't you hear me yell, Dive? " Oh.
I said, Dive. " what do you mean, Come on"?
I only did that 'cause you were here. I was worried about you.
Oh, right. You know that was a gunshot? You could have got hit.
You walkin' funny, man. Did you shit in your pants?
No! You mean, that's the way you always walk?
Oh, hey. Tito! How's it goin', man? Hey. who was that, your dealer? My father.
Your father? Yeah.
Boy, your mother must like 'em young.
My mother? Yeah, that lady you live with.
That's my grandmother.
I don't know where my mother is. Oh.
How much they pay you on this job you have?
I work for tips. Oh, yeah?
All right, take this. You run it up to the house.
There you go. There's a fin. Thank you.
Thank you? That's it?
That's five dollars I gave ya. Thank you, massa. Thank you, massa.
Thank y... Fuck you, kid. Fuck you, too.
Follow the bee. Follow the bee. where's the bee? Buz-z-z... well...
Thank you for giving me the opportunity to have this little workshop here. while I go there and get... and hit the big time.
Okay, I won't forget you when I hit the big time.
Follow the bee. where's the bee?
It's just like lovemaking. Follow the bee.
You're looking for the bee. There you go, man. I know what you're saying.
Come on, man. which one is it?
That's it. I'll take that money now. You sure?
That's it, man. I got it. Yeah!
Forty. Get me 80, man. Forty get me 80. I hope you keep that smile... when you lose... wait a second. Your rent money! wait a minute, man. I'm fumbling all over here.
Look at this guy. He beat me already, you know? You're doin' okay.
I've been watchin' you. Let me have the rent money. I'm not doin' okay.
Just hold on a second, I'll give you all your rent money.
You wanna play some rounds? I don't wanna play!
Nobody wants to play for fun anymore. Everything has to be for money.
For money, you know? That's what ruined the Olympics.
Yeah. You're right.
That's the bee. That's $20 minimum bet.
Okay. Fine with me. where's the money?
which one is it? This one? Right there. Uh-huh.
So sorry. See what happens? we're lookin' for the bee, my man. That's where the honey is.
See, that's where the money... You get the king, you get the sting. Sorry.
I was lucky. I don't know if I have the nerves for this.
There's a lot of nerves in this game, you know what I'm sayin'?
Hey, ain't you gonna give me a chance to win my money back? what, are you crazy? No. Fifty dollars, minimum bet, now.
Okay. Okay. where's your money?
Show me. Excuse me, excuse me. I been hangin' around.
I might as well play. Enjoy myself a little bit.
Okay, uh, what? Sixty dollars.
I gotta take the highest bet. All right. Seventy-five.
A hundred. A hundred and twenty-five.
A hundred and fifty. A hundred and seventy-five.
Two hundred dollars... Aah!
First day on the job and I hit the big time. Thank you, Lord.
You broke, big shot? Okay.
Um... where's the money?
It's me, Marlon. what do you mean, where's the money? "
I gotta see the money. This is business. I wanna see the money.
You owe me the rent money! what is he ta... Guy lives in my building.
He wants me to show the money. All right. I'm okay.
Okay, so where is it? where is it?
Let me see. I'm not sure. I think it's right...
Look at that! Huh?
Like a small miracle, huh?
Did you know that guy that was here? I don't know that guy.
Now I got my rent money! Huh?
You know what this is? Yeah, I know what this is.
Didn't I tell you I was gonna get the rent money?
You gave it to me all right. Don't forget to give me a receipt.
For my pride. where were we? where were we? Follow the bee. Follow the bee.
Hey! Heather! Heather! Heather!
Heather! You sure this is it?
Aw, they're a bunch of animals!
Get out. Hold it right there, Mr. Superintendent.
Out of the way, Leotha. This is an emergency. Not until you tell me... when you're gonna fix the boiler in the building.
There's nothin' wrong with the boiler in the building. It's runnin', ain't it?
All the way up to 40 degrees. I am freezing.
Get a man. Up yours, Kritski.
Good thing you're here. One more friggin' day, I'll be ready for the funny farm... with these people.
Ah, things are startin' to change, though.
That's it, honey. Climb the stairway to heaven.
Louie! wait till we're in your apartment.
Just tryin' to help you up the stairs. what do you mean?
Eeyew! what is the smell in this building?
It smells like... Piss.
Yeah! It smells like piss! what is that?
It's piss. Drunks come in the hallway and they piss.
You let them pee in here?
It's not like they ask permission. You know what I'm talkin' about?
It was a rat! what?
I saw a huge rat, Louie. I can't do it. I can't stay in a place where there's rats!
It's not a rat. You know, it's probably one of those, uh... those Chihuahuas, they got those ugly-lookin' dogs, these tenants.
They look like rats. That's all it is.
That's why the building is virtually rat-free. weird.
Here we are.
I cleaned it up a little bit, as best I could, you know.
I can't get anybody to really come in and... Oh, my God!
Make yourself comfortable. I'll be right there.
I want to get something for us to drink.
Some wine I picked up. Come on. I'll take your coat.
Be comfortable. Relax! You look tense. Relax.
That's it. Come on. You want to sit here for a sec?
Yes. I picked this up for us. what is that?
It's wine. They drink it in the neighborhood. It's supposed to be really good.
A little nasty. But, uh... You always liked to be nasty, didn't you?
Didn't you? Huh? Nasty? Louie, no! what's the matter? I don't know, it's just...
Look, I'm in prison here. This is my conjugal visit.
Didn't I tell you on the phone? You knew the place was a dump. what's the big deal? what do you want me to do?
You want me to lie there and spread my legs and try not to throw up... for as long as it takes you to get your rocks off?
You actually considering doing that? No!
Come on, just... Louie!
Come here. Just, uh, sit down. Give it a chance.
Give it a chance. Give the wine a shot, you know. Loosen up a little bit.
Ah, it's not that bad, see? It's pretty comfortable, right?
Here. You take the first sip.
Oh! No, it's all right.
Yeah? what are you talk... It's not so bad. Except for the smell.
It's this place, you know? It's... It's hard to get in the mood.
Yeah. well, you know, maybe... Try the wine? Maybe some music!
Do you have anything soft and sexy? Luther Vandross? Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Or Freddie Jackson? I love Freddie Jackson.
Yeah, now you got it. Hey! I love him.
Oh, shit! I forgot... Oh, Heather! Heather, listen! Hold it! Hold it! what about Johnny Mathis? Remember Johnny Mathis?
" Heather! wait a minute!
Heather, listen. I've tried, really. I've really tried.
Heather, listen. I'll put some Lysol on it.
It won't work, Louie. Drive! And keep on driving!
Shut up! Hey! Speedy Gonzales Kritski!
Give us a quickie! Shut up!
I hope you can fix my plumbing as fast as you fixed her!
Maybe he needs his plumbing fixed.
If that's the way white boys do it, I can see why they look so tense!
He may want to work on the little lady... but he's got a very busy day.
He got walls to plaster, he gots pipes to change, and he got carpet to lay.
Just keep on laughing. That's all right.
Keep on laughin', 'cause pretty soon I'll be outta here.
I'll be downtown in my own apartment layin' in my Jacuzzi... just laughin' about all you assholes stuck in this shithole.
Get outta my way.
Anger is the foothold of the devil.
Fuck you and the devil!
I told ya, I'm going to the store.
I already paid my rent! Got nothin' to do with rent.
My toilet's stopped up. I gotta go to the bathroom. So? what do you mean, So"? I gotta use your bathroom. No!
Come on! what do you mean, No"? How could you say no?
It's easy. You should know that. It's the only word you seem to know... when I ask you to fix somethin' in my apartment.
How much do you want? I'll pay you. You don't have enough money. what do you expect me to do? Shit outside? Lincoln did.
Mr. Kritski, we have to talk.
well, well. Miss Bensinger. what brings you to this hellhole in that tight skirt?
Don't tell me, I know. Code violations, Mr. Kritski.
The tenants have informed me you haven't addressed any of them.
Can't stay away from me, huh? Like a moth to a flame.
Not even a single one, as directed by the court. Like the swallows to Capistrano.
And I see, obviously you have no intention of doing so.
Oh, no? Check this out.
I am currently supervising the rewiring of the entire building. well, this is a big surprise, Mr. Kritski. I'm very encouraged.
However, you know this work is just the beginning of everything that has to be done.
You got a great body. You know that?
As a matter of fact, so do I. Can't tell with men's fashions, the way they fit nowadays... but, uh, if you were to see me naked, you know what you would say?
Louie, I never would have guessed it, but you got a great body there. "
Krispi"! Hey! Listen here!
The electrician, see? what you ask... is impossible.
I cannot just rewire your apartment.
I didn't say just my apartment! I didn't tell him just my...
I said, Start with my apartment, then do all the apartments. "
Oh, yeah? Go inside!
Go do the apartments! what language... He doesn't understand!
Don't let this guy throw you. Somewhere in here... there's a list of all the other items the judge wants you to address.
Just call my office with a timetable for your repairs.
I'm sure some of the tenants would like to know.
Did anyone ever tell you how attractive you are?
No. Of course they have. 34 years old. You think I've lived this long... and no one's ever told me how attractive I am?
You know, listen. This is a great opportunity for us to go up to my apartment... you know, we can relax a little bit, get to know each other?
If you think I'm such a jerk, how come you came here?
Because you're attracted to me. why don't you admit it? Please.
Like a magnet to a refrigerator. Look!
I want to see some real work begin on this building.
I want to see an agenda. I want to see a construction crew.
I want to see something more than the Band-Aids you are applying to this open sore.
And if I don't, you'll find yourself in prison. where your great body will be greatly appreciated.
I don't know why you get so upset.
You have a terrible temper.
But I still want to take you to lunch!
All right, forget the lunch! we'll just hump!
Just a matter of time.
Come on, come on. I got money on this friggin' game!
Ah, come on, will ya?
Maybe if I get a little higher.
way outside, trying for the three-pointer to win the game!
It's in the air! whoa...
what are you doin'? what does it look like I'm doin'? I'm watchin' television.
Are you all right? Yeah, I'm great. Thanks.
Oh, Jesus! You're not cold, are you?
No, I just want to see if these gloves work with the jacket, Marlon.
That's all. Now what is it that you want? what are you lookin' for?
Nothing, man. I'm feeling good. I came by to ask you, you want to shoot some hoops?
Hoops? Yeah, hoops. Basketball.
You want to play basketball with me? Yeah.
I bet you do. For money. want to hustle me?
No money, man. Just for fun. For fun?
Look, Marlon, why do you want to play basketball with me? why would you want to play with me? Hey.
You want to come, I'll be downstairs, all right?
Okay? Yeah, good.
If you think I look stupid, just say so, Marlon.
I don't think you look stupid. what are you lookin' at? Is it the jacket?
The hood? what? It screams! You know what it says?
It says, Look at me! I'm wearin' shit that nobody in this neighborhood would wear.
So come and stick me with the sharp object of your preference... and then steal that hideaway wallet I got velcroed on my leg. "
You could tell?
No, it doesn't show. But that's what you guys wear.
Anyway, don't bother. Don't worry about it.
It's okay, you're safe! You're with me.
Yeah, like you're gonna protect me if I get attacked.
I'll call 9-1-1 when they're done with you.
Hey, Kritski! where'd you get that outfit?
what's up, man? Normal.
Milkman, Louie. Louie, Milkman. what's goin' on, Louie?
Hey. Nice to meet you, man.
How ya doin'? I'm all right.
How come they call you Milkman?
'Cause I killed a milkman. Ohh.
Okay, we're gonna be playin' three on three. Half court.
Okay, winners take the ball out. Every time you make a shot... you gotta go around, okay, they make a shot... Marlon! Marlon!
I know how to play basketball, okay? If something goes wrong... whatever, if you need help on defense...
Look to me, look to the Milkman, and we'll throw in a block.
You're not gonna be humiliated. I don't need any help. Thank you very much.
Check ball. Check ball, man, come on.
Shoot it! Oh, shit!
That's Rudy. You'll be guarding Rudy.
If I have to. Take it out!
Your ass! Did you let him lose this one?
No, baby, you know. Let's go, baby.
who brung the hockey player?
Milkman, over here! Over here! Me!
Go, go! Shoot, shoot!
Yeah! Louie! Yeah, we got it!
Yes! Yes! Yes! we're kickin' their ass! we're kickin' their ass!
Come on, Kritski!
Shoot, Louie! Shoot!
Drive, drive, drive, drive, drive!
Yeah! They can't stop y'all. They can't stop us.
Hey! Look what happened!
Look what happened! what happened? what happened?
Come on, we won. So? Come on. Give you a chance to get even. want a chance to get even? No.
Don't want to play no more. we're leavin'. One more game!
If you're scared, say you're scared. Come on!
I'll tell you what. I'll tell you what. we'll give you Milkman. what did he do? He didn't deliver!
I'm only kiddin'. Come on. Okay, how 'bout another one?
Okay, yeah. One more game. we gonna play another game?
Let's play for some money. How about that? No! No. we came here to play for fun, not for money. what's the big deal?
Hey, it's fun to play for money. what's the big deal over here?
Excuse me, but I got no money. I gave you my rent money.
Did you bring it? Did ya? Did ya?
Uh, how much are we talkin' about here? Two hundred dollars.
You think we should spend that much? You already said it, didn't you?
Two hundred! Okay!
I don't know what's up, and I don't know what's happening. Shoot! Shoot!
Louie, come on. Pass the ball, Louie.
Boy, we're killing you guys.
Aw, loser! Loser! You see his face?
Put a little Vicks. A little Vicks. It'll be good.
Hey, you guys always play basketball and football at the same time?
Question is, where did you get that outfit? Ah, shut up.
I hate to bring this up, but I need the money.
Yeah, I bet you hate to bring it up.
I'll give it to them.
Good game. Good game.
Good game, Louie.
You get everything?
Yo, nice game, Kritski. Scrub.
Hey, wait up!
what the hell... Irene, what color was Louie's car?
Son of a bitch! what the hell is this? what the hell is going on here? what's with the new lights? Hey! Sweetie!
I can't believe it! I can't believe he's done this.
They need lights in the middle of the day? what wrong with him? Louie! Here they are! Look!
Over here. Come over here.
Over here. I want to talk to you, Son.
Didn't I tell you not to spend a penny? Hah?
Did you fix those lights? Don't tell me you fixed the lights!
Did you put new wiring in there? I had to.
You had to! why?
I wanted to play my stereo. well, now they can all play their stereos.
Lights. I gave lights. It's just lights.
Only lights? That's the inch!
Now they want the mile! You give them shit!
That's what you give them! Shit! Shit! what do you hang around these people for?
You. Listen. what?
You better get the upper hand around here, because this is gonna be home for a while.
Your bail hearing took a dump.
Yeah. what did the judge say? what did he say? He said, Eat shit and die, Mr. Kritski. " That's what he said.
Don't worry, honey. Daddy never gives up.
He'll get you outta here. Look! Look at the throw pillows.
I thought they'd add color to your apartment. why don't I give it directly to the soul brothers?
That's what they're gonna do anyway. Here! There you are!
It's all yours. Take it! Take it!
Get in the car, Irene. Irene, get in the f... Oh, good-bye, sweetie.
Get in the car. Tell me how the cushions look.
Get in the car! I'm gettin' in.
Let's get outta here. Louie, I'll talk to you later. All right. All right. what's the hurry? we just got here.
Big Lou. when are you gonna get me outta here?
As soon as Mom and I get back from the Bahamas.
You wanna keep it down?
Huh? I mean, some people might wanna sleep, you know?
Hello? Hello? Heather? who's this? Louie! what do you want? I want you to jump right in the cab and come over.
I'm really tired. My feet are killing me from all the dancing.
I gotta go. Shit!
This life stinks!
And then you die!
I'm doubling your rent, meathead! Good!
That makes two bad checks I have to write!
Lower that music down there!
I'm warnin' you people!
This is the last...
English! English! Doesn't anybody talk English?
It worked before you broke it!
Seventeen hundred dollars?
Seventeen hundred dollars? what'd you do, use mahogany?
Mr. Kritski, we didn't use nothin' new. we just patched it up like you said. Now, if you'd sign right there, please?
Big Lou's right. I'll go broke fixin' things around here.
Seventeen hundred dollars for a hole in the floor.
Turn it off!
Hey, Gilliam. Hey! No repairs unless authorized by me. You ever hear that?
It's not a repair. It's more like a temporary blockade.
Blockade of what? This place is infested with vermin... and thanks to you, we can now see where they're coming from.
The rats will eventually chewthrough this... but it just might stop them for a night.
I've been upstairs. I never saw one friggin' rat. Not one.
Maybe they're avoiding your floor out of professional courtesy.
Hmm? Anybody ever tell you you're a weirdo, Gilliam?
Knock it off.
They will come. Oooh! Go to bed, will ya?
Rats. Come on.
The whole building's probably infested, you know.
Yeah? well, there's gotta be somethin' you can do... just to keep 'em outta here, you know what I mean? well, you could try training 'em.
That's very funny, pal. Listen, you do whatever you gotta do.
Do the whole building. Shoot 'em. Nuke 'em. Burn 'em. I don't care.
Fine. I'll go start upstairs.
This is very gratifying, Mr. Kritski. I never would have believed it.
Miss Bensinger, Miss Bensinger.
You're just in time to see my agenda. I beg your pardon?
Didn't you want to see my agenda? Oh, of course. where is it?
I think the judge was looking for something a little bit bigger, Mr. Kritski.
women who are with me even once never get over it.
I can't help it.
She wants me, ba-a-aaad!
It's finally happened. The boiler's dead!
Stone fucking dead. we're freezing our asses here!
Now, come on and do something about it. we'll break this door down if we have to. All right. All right.
Obviously, it's unusually cold in the building today... not necessarily due to a malfunction of our boiler.
That piece of shit is totally gone.
You can't prove that. Proof? My parakeet is frozen solid.
I could crack walnuts with him.
I called every heating contractor in the city. They're all booked solid. It's winter. what do you want me to do? Go out and kidnap one and drag him back here?
Yeah. well, I'm not gonna do it.
If I can tough it out, so can you people.
How are we supposed to get warm in the meantime?
Burn one of your kids. what do I care?
Hey! Get off of the door.
Big Lou's right about those shitheads.
They wanna keep warm, why don't they dance?
You're no good, and I don't want you around here!
Maybe you don't, But what about Tito?
Get outta here, Eddie! I'm not leavin'!
I want you to take that bike and get outta here! I can buy my boy a present!
Eddie, listen to me! Out! Get that out! You're actin'crazy, Ma!
Grandma! Get out. I said, get out!
You don't know what you're saying. Grandma!
I know exactly what I'm saying. You're no good, and I don't want you around here. well, maybe you don't, but what about Tito? I'll tell you about Tito.
He's my grandson, and I don't want him to turn into a bum like you.
I bought this bike with my own money.
Dirty money, Eddie. I earned it.
Yeah, you earned it. You earned it sellin' poison. Take this bike and get out.
Just because you're mad at me, how come you gotta take it out on the boy?
Grandma, please! Come on.
Eddie, take this bike and get outta here.
Tito? Hey, Tito! wait up!
Tito, wait up!
All right, Tito. what's the problem?
I'm pissed off, that's all. what, the bike?
I saw the bike. I can understand that.
Oh, yeah. Right. Like you know. Yeah. I know. I mean, I can understand.
Listen. Let me try to explain something to you.
Your grandmother did the right thing.
See, she couldn't let you keep that bike...
'cause if she let you keep that bike, it's like saying... whatever your father did to get the money to buy the bike is okay.
Understand? And, um, she can't do that, because... well, what your father does... he does bad things.
So do you. I mean, it might look like that to... to you 'cause you're a little kid, but, um, I mean, uh... there's a big difference between your father and me.
Yeah? what? well, for one thing, I don't make a livin' off other people's misery.
You don't? No. I'm a businessman.
You're a slumlord. I'm not a slumlord.
Great. we'll order up some room service then.
All right, so maybe it ain't the Plaza. It's a garbage dump. why don't you get lost, huh, Tito? Tito, you up there?
Yeah, I'm up here. well, you come down here and do your homework right now!
You know, if you think about it, we sorta have the same problem.
You know, if you fixed this place up, you might actually make some people happy.
Maybe even yourself. But your daddy wouldn't like that.
And you're too chicken to take that risk.
Aren't you, Kritski?
Thank you, Mr. Kritski.
Thank you. Goode. Goode.
Here you go, Reverend.
Eleanor. Give me one.
Here they are. Get 'em while they're hot.
Hey. Hey. what is this?
You're selling these to the tenants, right? No, I'm not sellin' 'em.
Tito, put that down. Leotha, take over. 2E. 2E.
I'm givin' every one of the tenants one of these.
That's why I wanted you to come by and witness this.
You know, you could pass the word on to Judge Stoneface. " well, the heaters are a good start... understanding that if you hadn't run the building... into the ground in the first place, this wouldn't even be necessary.
I'm takin' care of the problem. That's what I'm supposed to do. well, it's more of a gesture, not a solution.
Look, I'm not lookin' for the medal of honor, okay? I just think it would be nice... if for once you could acknowledge I'm not a total jerk.
Is that hard? well, you're not.
And it is nice. It is, isn't it?
All right. Let me finish.
All right. Let's go. who's next? Get in line. You can't get two...
wait a minute. wait a minute.
Hey! Hey, get away from there! Put that stuff down.
Put that stuff down, I said! Get the hell outta here. what do you think you're doin'? The boiler broke, so I had... what are you, an expert on boilers now? Huh?
It's broken when a qualified technician says it is.
I'll send over a qualified technician. But we're freezin' inside.
we "? we"? How many times do I have to tell you? It's us and them. "
You think I wouldn't find out about this? Y-You used the company credit card.
They called for authorization! That crap belongs to me. I want it on the truck... now!
Mr. Kritski, you're interfering with Mr. Kritski's compliance with a court order.
I know what the court order says: within 120 days. "
A lot can happen in 120 days... like spring.
You don't need heat in spring, Counselor.
Let me explain something to you, son.
You fix this place up on Monday, Friday it's back to where it was.
I know. You fix the plumbing, they put chicken bones down the toilet.
Put in heat, they piss in the hot air ducts.
You fix one shitty toilet, I'll disown ya.
One toilet, you're outta the will!
Gimme that, Buckwheat. who you callin' Buckwheat, " you fat fuck?
You little shit, you... Come on, Pop. Let him have it.
It's mine. It's his.
I paid for them. I'll pay for everything then, okay?
I'll pay for it. I'm gonna put in a new boiler too.
If you can't get your guy to come down here and do it, then I'll find somebody to put it in.
Can't you just let me handle this myself?
Let me... Let me do this, huh? Please, Pop. Go home.
They brainwashed you, like Patty Hearst. what's next? You gonna bring 'em to Disney world?
Pop... Don't call me Pop. I don't recognize you anymore.
You're not my son!
You're breakin' my heart.
Good for you, Louie.
Come on. You gotta carry these things if you want 'em. wait, wait, wait. Careful there, now.
Hey, thanks. This is fresh.
I know that must have been a hard thing for you to do.
You wanna come up to my apartment and keep me warm?
Nothin' weird. First time, you know? Man on top?
You don't need me. I think you're hot enough for the both of us.
Yeah. Louie, I knew it.
Yeah. who is it? It's Marlon! well, what do ya want? You got a key. Come in.
" In case you haven't heard, there's a party goin' on!
Huh? I said, there's a party goin' on!
Oh, yeah. Yeah, I hear... well, I hear music but I didn't know.
I think you should come, otherwise you're gonna look like an anti-social or something.
I'm in the middle of this puzzle. I love to do these, you know? Man, l...
I have a couple of other things that I have to do. I'm busy, you know?
So, uh, maybe later. I don't know.
I'm not... You know, I don't like dancin' and stuff, so maybe later. Thanks.
Yo, Bensinger. Kritski?
Yeah. I just thought I'd call you. See how you're makin' out. where are you? I'm... I'm having a hard time hearing you. I'm at a party.
It's with some of the brothers. You know, gettin' down with our nasty selves.
Did I hear you say a party"? Yeah.
Mr. Kritski, you know you're not supposed to leave the building.
" who left the building? what are you talkin' about?
I'm downstairs with some of my neighbors. Really?
Yeah. well, that's very uplifting, Mr. Kritski.
Does this mean you finally realized you have to bring the building up to code? well, yeah, you know, I mean, this is how things start, right?
First nail, first toggle bolt... first... Screw?
Most things. Yeah. Look, Miss Bensinger, I don't wanna promise you... any miracles or anything, but I had some great ideas, you know, and, um...
I thought maybe you would, uh, like to come over and, uh, check 'em out.
Kritski, are you asking me to come over to your place? well, yeah. You're supposed to check up on me anyway, right?
If you want me to come over and see you, why don't you just... ask me?
All right. Come on over and see me. I can't do it.
I was in court all day. I didn't even make it into the office. I'm beat.
All right. I'll call you another time. Good night. Bye, Louie.
Louie. " watch out! Here I come!
Lou is comin' back!
Lou! Lou! Lou! Lou!
Louie, goddamn it. what the...
Pop? It's me.
Come on, will ya?
You all right? Yeah, yeah. what's the matter?
No, nothin'. Nothin'. No, I'm fine. Look.
I got good news for you. You're out on bail. You kidding?
No, I'm not kidding. Come on. Pack up all of your stuff and let's get out of here.
Come on. Let's go. This is great. well, don't stand there like a statue. You're home. Let's go. Come on.
You wanna wait here? Are you kiddin'? No. Hurry up.
All right. I'll be right down. I'll wait for you downstairs.
Hurry up, Louie. will ya?
Ugh! Shit! Oh, boy.
well, well, well.
And where is the Prince of whiteness sneaking off to?
I'm outta here, Leotha. what?
That's it. I'm sprung. I'm goin' back to civilization. I'm goin' home.
Hey! Leotha! Yeah?
Check this out.
James Brown, move over.
Hey. Do me a favor. Yeah?
Tell the kid I said good-bye.
Okay. I will.
Louie. Come on. Hurry.
Let's get outta here. Let's go. what are we, in a race? I don't wanna be around this dump longer than I have to.
Come on. Throw that in.
Get in the car. Come on. Get in the car.
who'd you bribe today? I didn't bribe anybody today.
I went to see the Bensinger woman. You went to see Naomi?
I told her, You take on Big Lou, you're in trouble. " She got the message.
You went to the office? Yeah.
what are you doin'?
Get your foot off the brake. All right, what's goin' on? what do you mean? what are you doin'? what's goin' on?
Naomi wasn't at her office all day. Look, you're not involved.
It's just the roof. It's not gonna be a big fire.
Jesus, Pop. A fire? Louie...
Oh, there's people in there. Louie, come on. It doesn't take much to condemn a building.
Louie! Come back! what's wrong with you?
Louie! It would just be the roof.
The city'll close the building, and you can come home! Louie!
Louie, listen to me.
Louie, come back here. Louie! Come here.
Louie! Louie, don't go in there!
Louie, I didn't know what to do! Come back here!
Louie. Louie, listen to me.
Louie, don't run away.
Hey, listen to me. Louie, come here, will ya?
Hey! Put that shit down.
Put it down. Fuck you.
No, fuck you. There's not gonna be a fire. You must be Junior. well, Junior, your old man over there paid me a lot of money... to light this place up, and that's what I'm gonna do.
No. Nobody's burnin' my building. You understand?
You understand? Nobody's gonna burn my building. I'm not an arsonist and neither are you.
You, get off my roof before there's trouble. There's already trouble.
I'll throw you right the fuck off this roof. Yeah? You and who else?
Me too, shithead.
what do you wanna do?
I already got my money.
And I'm keeping it.
You don't understand.
I got scared.
I didn't wanna lose you to these... These. " These what?
They're people. Go ahead. Look at them. Human beings, not animals, Pop.
You don't burn somebody outta their home just because everything's not goin' your way.
You gave me this building. It's mine. Remember?
I'm gonna run it the way I think it should be run.
Pop. Pop, wait.
Pop, wait. Outta here. wait, Pop.
Pop, wait. wait, wait. wait.
You can't do that. Don't you understand? Huh?
Don't you understand? There's kids up there.
People live here. I mean, anything could happen. Those things get out of control.
I don't want my father to do that.
I didn't mean to embarrass you upstairs, but I didn't know what to do. what do you expect me to do?
You just don't stop.
If you need me...
Feels good, don't it? what?
Bein' your own man?
Let's go. we go a lotta things to do up there.
would you believe I actually had to turn the heat down last night?
Mm. This place hasn't been painted since I moved in.
The little son-of-a-gun actually painted the hallway.
Fresh paint, new curtains? I can't believe it.
Yeah, my oven's workin'
Oh, girl, my cousin's movin' in next week.
Hey, look at this, man.
They all came to say good-bye. Yeah, Marlon. I'm sure it's breakin' their hearts.
Hey, Tito, off that bike. Hey, don't worry, Kritski.
I'm not gonna tell anybody you bought me the bike.
Hey, look. How nice. You all got together. You should do this every month.
This way, I can get my rent all at once. we all just wanna make sure you're leavin'.
I have just one thing to say...
I wanna say one thing too. Let's just keep it short and sweet. Good-bye.
My sink is broken. It's not my problem anymore.
You have to give those problems to your new super. Ohh. Marlon. Hey.
All right. All right. Come on. I gotta go.
I don't fuckin' believe it. My car! Marlon, you shouldn't have.
I can't believe it. It's a miracle. where'd you get all the original parts and everything? well, I guess, when you put your mind into something...
I mean, you know, everybody's been so nice... give me my car back...
I'm almost sad to leave.
Anyway, uh, thanks.
Oh, shit. Mm-mm. who the hell took my car? "