The Valet (2006) Script


You like it?

Yes and no. Well built, but a bit boring.

I soon tire of my cars.

Same here. It's a nice toy, but I like changes, too.


I'm due at my parents.

See you tonight. Later.

It's me!

I got the doctor for your dad, he's not well.

What's wrong?

He felt faint. Your dad's taking care of him.

And Dad?

A touch of bronchitis. I'm worried about the doctor.

I gave him my bed.

You OK, Doctor? It hurts here.

That's the heart.

I know! I've practiced medicine for 40 years!

I'm a doctor!

You're also unwell.

All doctors are quacks! Stethoscope!


OK, the heartbeat's steady.

Cuff! This?

Pressure's not too bad. I'm off.

Shall I drive you back? My daughter'll pick me up.

I'll call her.

What do I owe you, Doctor? 30 Euros.

She's so cute. We're lunching tomorrow.

You bought the ring? I pick it up later.

It'll be a great wedding.


You OK, Dad?


Let go! I can walk by myself!


Excuse me.

I'll take you home.

No, I have another patient to see. I'll rest there.

Shouldn't you change doctors?

I'm keeping this one.

He's in such bad shape, he makes me feel better.

And he forgets everything!

And the girl? Very cute.

Tomorrow's the day. For what?

He's proposing.

You know what I think.

It'll go fine.

She's pretty, has a good job, independent.

But he, poor kid... He's kind, handsome...


I'm sure he can get any girl he wants.

Don't be too sure.

He'll find a girl some day, but not her.

He's aiming too high: A mistake.

Look at me, I took what I found.

How was that?

How much? They got a lay-away plan.

When you get married, go there.

110 Euros a month, for a year.

I'll never get married!

110 Euros times 12, that's 1300 Euros!

1300 Euros for a ring, they're screwing you!

Get ready to move out.

I've got time. She's not moving in now?

We're lunching tomorrow: If she accepts...

I've warned my mom. Good.

No, it's back to a broom closet, with an old lush!

She's your mom, be respectful.

I am, but she lives in a cesspool, drinks like a fish.

I liked it here.

Sorry, I'm in love. If she says yes...

Right, she may say no. Yeah, she just might. I'm not out yet!

Levasseur pays 15 billion for Cosmetix

That's not the price of the buy-out!

It's nonsense.

Correct it at once.

We agreed on 10 billion, they announce 15.

It may cause problems before we close.

I'll do it today, dear.

Are you lunching at home?

No, with the financial press. I'll fill them in.

Have a nice day, dear.

See you tonight.

Thanks. Bye.

Look, here's your boyfriend.

Come in. Why's he staying outside?

Don't be shy: It's a book shop, not a sex shop.

Cut it out! See you later.

We'll have to eat fast.

Really? I booked in a nice place.

Not today. I've got lots to do. Luigi's is fine.

I felt like a change.


What is it?

Open it.


What is it? Open it.

For me? Try it on.

You want to marry me? Yeah.


I love you. Remember, in kindergarten I already said: "I want to marry you."

That was kid's stuff. We've grown up since then.

I don't want to get married. And not to you.

I mean... you're like my kid brother.

I love you.

Stop it, we're friends, I like you a lot too.

Stop mooning, I don't want to hurt you.

I've got business problems to solve. It's no time for romance.

Starting this bookstore, means I owe a lot to the bank.

That's enough on my plate, right?

How much do you owe? A lot!

Can't your dad help?

He faints on the few patients he has left!

I'll help. What do you owe?

32,450 Euros.

How much?


How many cars to park is that? 10,000?

For our 2-year affair?

2 years? Already? And 9 days.

Of hearing you can't divorce till your wife's less depressed.

You know that when she's better... She's doing fine.

She's at theater openings, opera galas.

She must have the right pills.

Wasn't easy to see you today, don't make a scene.

I'm not. I'm saying I'm leaving. It's over.

Keep it. It'll make some slut very happy!


Listen to me...

Let go! You're hurting me.


What are they doing? Dunno, but it's risky.

Please be patient a bit longer.

No scandals, Elena.

I'm calm, you're edgy!

Be quiet.

We'll work it out. I've waited 2 years!

Elena, wait!

And 3 makes 10. Bye!

Hi, girls!

Hi, Pascal!

You OK, gorgeous?

Fine. Car'n'Driver and the daily, 3.80 Euros.

My next car! I'll take you for a spin.

Bye, girls! Bye, Pascal!

Don't feel guilty.

That poor guy, asking you to marry him!

I like him, and I hurt him.

He's nice, but he's pathetic.

Pascal's handsome, smart, and he sells cell phones!

That's a good business. And he's hot for you.


What's this mess?

Hello, Mom? It's me. I won't be home tonight.

It's Richard, your son. He won't be home tonight.

What do you mean: "Who, he?" Me, Richard!

The old lush is drunk again.

So, tell me.

There's nothing to tell.

How could she turn down a guy like you!

Called me her kid brother. Meaning what?

No career, not handsome, I'm a nobody.

You're a fantastic guy!

OK, maybe our job isn't so great.

We have shitty jobs.

What does handsome mean?

I'm like you, I've got an interesting face.

Shut up.

My face isn't interesting?

At least it has character.

They say my ID photo's like Brad Pitt.

Get off my back, ass-face. I'm having a hard time coping.

And I busted the ring.

You realize, you just called me an ass-face.

Quit bugging me!

I try to comfort you, and get insulted!

We're both ass-faces, that's why we live together!

I'd rather live with her. Surprised?

You won't: No career, no looks, and you're mean!

Ass-face yourself!

Go to your mom's.

I was kidding: You're cute, you're not mean...

Go to your mom's. I don't have the key.

She didn't know me on the phone!

I need to be alone, go to your mom's.

You'll end up alone, that's for sure.

No decent girl will live in this dump with a bum like you.

You'll miss your pal Richard.

Alone like a dog.

How are you?



Levasseur flips for Elena So?

What's all this?

I'm asking you!

I don't know that girl.


No way!

She's with him!

That guy, with that girl?

She's with whoever she wants to be with.

Why's his face blurred?

I have no idea.

Maybe he's a VIP.

You think I'm stupid?

Not at all! I'll sue those scumbags.

I'll put my lawyers on it!

Trust me, they won't get away with it!

I said any old thing...

You were in a spot, sir.

I've thought it over: There may be a solution.


We must find this guy, which can't be hard.

Then what?

We offer him some money to play along.

Play what?

I've looked at every angle.

Play along with what?

They've got to live together.

Her and him?

Are you insane?

I'm your lawyer: It's that or a nasty divorce.

She'll never agree to it!

Put 2 million Euros in her account, and she will.

She's well-paid and not out for money!

Honest women are rare in billionaire circles.

Yes, almost as rare as honest lawyers!

Your wife must be after this guy.

The girl's gotta help us.

Here she is.

How will he get out of it?

For 2 years you swore you'd divorce, now I must help you avoid it?

I'm in deep shit. Only you can help me.

Right, to keep your wife.

And go live with a stranger.

My wife's a majority shareholder in the companies I run.

Damn that, I want one thing.


A good reason to accept this absurdity.

Loving me a little is one.

Can you think of any others?

I need a month to neutralize her.

With some financial maneuvers that'll get me out of this.

In a month I'll divorce: We'll start a new life!

I trust you.

I knew I could count on you, darling!

Not so fast. I'll show you how much I trust you.

Put 10 million Euros in a bank for me in a tax-haven.

10 million?

No, 20 million.

It takes a big sum to make this fun.

I told my lawyer you weren't after money. Sorry I was wrong.

You weren't. It's a deposit.

Divorce in a month, you get it all back.

If you don't, I'll consider I got paid for a job.

20 million? That's insane!

It's nothing, if you're so sure you'll divorce.


I'll park it, sir.

Drive, I have to talk to you.

There's our lot. Go ahead, park.

You're Francois Pignon? That's right.

I'm a lawyer with a client who needs your help.

My help?

All this must stay strictly confidential.

You must put a woman up at your place for a while.

A woman?

Yes, and pretend to be a couple.

Sorry, I don't quite follow you.

It's simple. A woman will live with you:

People must think she's your girlfriend.

Who is she?

She's a... how can I put it? Let's say a supermodel.

A supermodel? Right...

Quite well known... very well known.

Who'll live with me? For a few days.

How much must I pay?

No, we pay you.

To live with a supermodel?

Name your price.

You're putting me on?

No, it's a serious matter.

Where's the camera?


The camera, where is it?

You sure had me going. You got me!

And I...

Mr Pignon, this is very serious and very urgent.


He agreed. He didn't get it, but agreed.

How much does he want? 32,450 Euros.

The exactness of the sum surprised me, too.

32,450 Euros. Not a penny more or less!

How did she react?

She'll cost more.

How much?

Million Euros.


20 million Euros!

Is this a joke? Not at all.

I swore I'd divorce: She didn't believe me.

I can see why.

Spare me your quips.

Sorry. You said she wasn't after money.

It's a deposit. I get it back when I divorce.

That's blackmail.

I love her, and I'm completely cornered.

Mr Pignon? Yes.

I'm Christine Levasseur.

May I ask you a few questions? Can I come in?

Please do.

You seen this picture?

Was that the door, hon?



They beat you to it.

I couldn't be faster. I found him in 24-hours.

I just left his place: She was there.

Maybe they are an item.

We can't rule it out completely.

Watch them day and night. We'll soon find out.


She's hired Berman. Ex-cop, now private.

The green Renault behind you.

Take Baume Avenue and park by number 42.

A car's waiting for you in the yard.

A black Audi.

Take the back exit into a street behind the building.

It's a friend's house, you'll be fine here.

Sit down.

The bank data: You have 20 million Euros in this account.

Admit that it's a tidy sum.

Less than the cost of a divorce. Ten times less?

I'll need a signature.

So he gets the money back if he divorces.

Love is beautiful!

Let's recap...

Be seen everywhere with this man:

Convince those watching you that you're a real couple.


Right away.

He's here.

I'll leave you.

Sorry, darling. I'm a bit late.

I'm so happy to see you.

It's all done, money's been transferred.

An accounting headache, but I'll skip that.

Let's chitchat. How's the divorce coming along?

Elena, be nice to me. Things aren't easy.

Because of your wife?

No, because of you.

I feel guilty about what you're going through.

Living with that pathetic guy must be dreadful.

Not really. In fact, it's quite fun.

The apartment is barely livable, but the guy is cute.

Cute? Are we talking about the same guy?

He has lovely eyes, and he makes me laugh.

It's sweet of you to try and reassure me, but it's hard on you. Thank you for playing along.

You know me. I can't be with two men at once.

That's not funny.

You made me live with another man. I do my best.

Cooking, the dishes, the laundry...

Not funny!

Your lawyer said we must be seen together, and look like a real couple.

I love you. Soon we'll be together forever.

Gotta go. I can't keep him waiting, we have a lunch date.

Don't sulk. I kicked you out because I was low.

Miss me? See, you're alone like a dog!

I'm not alone.

Sure! The neighbors complain of your all night parties, and chicks shrieking in ecstasy.

Don't park it, I'll be fast. Is Francois here?


Hi, honey!

Is our lunch on?

No, I'm busy, stop by later.

Thanks. Bye.


Friend of yours? Yeah.

Known her long?

No. We're living together.

There were photographers. Really?

That's why I kissed you.

What's so funny?

The other valet, you killed him!


He says I'm hopeless with women.

Why would he say that? He's crazy!

He doesn't believe in my powers of seduction.

I don't either.

Where do you usually lunch?

At Luigi's, an Italian place.

I keep going straight? No, not Luigi's. Elsewhere.

If you're a regular, let's be seen there.

Not at Luigi's. There's other places.

Is it good?

You read it, Mr Herve.

I did?

You bought it last month and read it in one go!

I don't recall it! Yet I still have all my marbles.

Then... give me a lamb chop.

The butcher's next door, this is the bookstore.

This way, Mr Herve.

You could've sold it to him twice.

It's not him.

He won't come back. Just as well!

I had a voice mail from him.

Said he had funds to cover my debt.


I didn't call back. Good.

He's bluffing. He can't find that kind of money!

Isn't that amazing?

You can pick another ring tone. It has 40! For you!

That's sweet, but I can't accept.

Yes, you can! Look how cool this one is.

How many functions? 100! One's for scuba diving!


It's yours. Have lunch with me!

OK, but a quick one.

We'll be at Luigi's. I'll be back soon.

No, not Luigi's. Let's go elsewhere.

She's amazing. Takes guts to kiss a guy like that.

Yes, she's giving it her all. Fuck you!

Beg your pardon? Nothing, I'm sorry.


Don't forget the meeting in Lille. Right, Lille.

Being booed by 800 striking workers. Just what I need!

When do I leave? Helicopter's ready, sir.

I'm off.

Watch them day and night. Got that?

Everybody's watching us!

Why would you be with me?

Let's up the ante: Put your arm around me.

I'll rest my head on your shoulder.

Don't, they'll lynch me!

Put down your fork.

See the green Renault?

A guy's taking pictures of us.

Relax! We're supposed to be in love.

It's like when I park a great car: Perfect, but not mine.


Let's try this one. OK.

That girl's a supermodel! What?

She's everywhere, she's totally famous.

How are you?

Fine, and you?

OK. You dropped Luigi's?

I wanted a change. Me, too.

Pascal Bouliveau. Francois Pignon.

My kid brother has your picture on every wall!

Coming? On my way.

If you need a cell phone, I'll make you a deal.

For you, too. See you.

Enjoy your meal!

Your buddy's doing OK!

Let's hurry, I'm rushed.

What does he do? Parking valet.

He found a nice chassis!

What do you want to eat?

Sorry, I forgot to turn it off.

You can have that ring tone, too.

Two salads!

Let's look at the menu... No!

OK, two salads.

I know you have money problems.

Why did you start a bookstore? It's a shaky business.

I like books.

Sure, but I'm talking business.

My line is more interesting.


Look how many people walk around with a cell phone.

How many walk around reading a book?

Must we stay glued all the time?

Your friends are watching us.

No, I must go. I got work to do!

Alright then, let's go.

OK, he's gone.

What sign is she?

Who? You.

Why say "She"?

Manner of speech.

Sorry, "she" finds that lame.

And I find you a bit uptight.

Taurus. What?

You asked for my sign!

I figured Sagittarius. Funny, huh?


Give me your hand. What for?

Come on. Just for a second.

What a heart line...

Luck line's good, too...

Cut it out, you're no expert.

If it's fleshy, it means you're sexy. And you're...

The guy left.

I saw another, over there!

Get to work!

Romeo, spare us your babes during working hours, it's disrupting.

You're kidding me, right! No.

That girl? With Pignon? Yes.

It's Elena Simonsen, the best paid supermodel!

Then Pignon's got the best paid supermodel.

She's crazy! Why's she with that bozo?

I don't care.

The bastard! Wants to marry you...

I said, drop it!

Wait, there must be a reason.

Maybe she saw him in a Ferrari, and doesn't know he's a valet.

No, takes more than wheels to get her!

Give me a break, drop it!

She can have any man, and picks Pignon? What's next?

It's Mom. About Dad's birthday:

We'll eat early, around 7PM, as the doctor's coming. He tires fast.

Big kiss.

See you Sunday.

Hi! There are people opposite.

It's a vacant building. But I saw a light.

Don't look. We'll seem suspicious.

They gonna spy for long?

I hope not. Pretend we're a normal couple.

What would we be doing?

You watch TV, I'll go in the kitchen.

A guy who comes home to you and watches TV isn't normal!

What is it? Nothing!

You were moody all afternoon. I'm in a fine mood!

It's the girl at the restaurant.

Your eyes never left her. Women notice that.

That kiss wasn't for the photographers.

Sorry if I'm nosey. Maybe I can help with her.

Expecting anyone? No.

Who is it? Richard.

He works with me.

And thinks you're no Romeo?

Forgot my Play Station.

I'd have brought it to work.

Is that her? Yes.

You really live with her? Sure.

Why? Why what?

Why would she...


We met at the restaurant. Remember? The Porsche.

Introduce us, hon.



A drink, Richard?

How about a beer?

She's not bad.

Quite nice.

Nice? That chick's a knockout!

Don't tell me you're doing her! Don't tell me!

OK, I won't.

Yes, tell me, dammit! Tell me you are!

Calm down. Yeah, I gotta.

OK, I'm calming down...

He's doing her! Bastard's doing her, I know it!

You need a cold shower.

No, I'm OK, I'm fine...

How'd you meet?

On the street. He was alone and sad.

I never do it, but I went up to him.

Yes. I just said: "Out for a stroll?"

Not very original.

He said: "Don't bug me, lady."

You said that?

OK, what would you have said?

Me? Plenty!

You're a pushover, he isn't.

I took a risk. Right, hon? But it was worth it.

The bottle opener!

She's cool. Yes.

You told her not to bug you? You gay?

Get off my back!

I treat women my way, and I'm doing OK.


Hope it's cold enough.

No, I'm going home. I gotta go...

You don't have time for a beer?

No, my mom's waiting for me. I live with her now.

Your Play Station!

Oh, yeah... Thanks.

Guess I went overboard.

That wasn't nice. Why not?

That's my life. You upset it, then split.

I get to pick up the pieces.

I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have agreed to this.

I did it for the money, it was dumb.

Did I upset the girl at Luigi's?

They held hands, so I kissed you. I blew it!

You love her?

You think it's funny?

I feared you'd be a creep who pawed me.

You're nice and in love.

I asked her to marry me, next I'm kissing an impossible thing.

I'm the impossible thing? Yeah...

You're not part of my world.

OK, but I know life. You didn't blow it.

She was with a guy, too.

Looked like a jerk. He was with her.

Like you and me. She'll call back.

She didn't when I said I had money for her.

She's a woman, and saw us together. She'll call!

Pick it up.


Foix here. Sorry to bother you so late.

It's that asshole lawyer.

- I'm listening. Elena has a runway show tomorrow. You should attend.

He wants me at your show tomorrow. Why not?

He pisses me off!


All those photographers could be useful.

You have proper attire?

I'm not criticizing your clothes, but elegance will make you more credible with Elena.

We can have clothes delivered, so you'll look your best.

I'm fine as I am. Keep your clothes. Bye!

Now he wants to dress me up!

I hung up on him.


It's Emilie.

Keep your money, and don't call again!

Let's meet, we gotta talk.

What's left to talk about?

It's a long story, I can't explain now...

Don't bother, after what I saw. Good-bye.


She hung up.

She'll call back.

She never wants to see me again.

I said she'd call. Now I say she'll call again.

You don't have curtains? What?

That's a problem. Why?

We'll have to sleep together.

You on the couch, and me in the bed looks odd.

My bed's tiny.

If you'd bought curtains...

That building was empty. Curtains cost money!

It'll be a tight squeeze tonight.

Levasseur's a liar!

You hear them, sir?

They're shouting what we all feel.

Management broke all its promises, regarding salaries, lay-offs or, even worse, possible outsourcing.

Sorry to interrupt the meeting. An urgent phone call.


I can see them in bed.

Not in the same bed?

Others are watching, so it's better.

Yes, it's better.

What are they doing? Sorry?

In the bed, what are they doing?

Nothing yet, but they just tucked in.

Talk to you later.

Forgive me.

Where were we? Nowhere, sir.

My colleague was frank. You can tell how disastrous it is.

Closing this factory will upset hundreds of lives, a human drama I needn't describe.

Think it over, sir.

I'm thinking...

It's very painful, a very painful situation.

Is there a subway close by?

No, why? Everything's shaking.

That's just me.

My nerves.

Where do you usually live? On the Left Bank.

Better than here, I bet. It's a nice place.

Can't I come live with you?

I'd rather not.

I won't ask why, you must know.

No one can spy on me there.

Wouldn't that be better? No.

You like being spied on? Yes.

I don't get it. I haven't since day one.

You must have figured out a thing or two.

A guy too rich paid me to sleep with a girl too pretty, in a bed too small.

We're being spied on, but I don't know by whom.

The guy too rich.

He can see us now?

His flunky can, with a camera and binoculars.

Life's complex for pretty people with dough.

No, it's simple. Like yours with Emilie:

You're unhappy, she's unhappy, so's the rich guy and so am I.

How cheerful!

Never fall for a married man.

On that score, I'm safe.

You still love him?

We're quite a pair!

It's late, let's get some sleep.

I want to call her. But she won't answer.

Yes she will, call her.

Now I know: I'm nothing to her.

She's right, I sleep with a supermodel to make ends meet.

That's rough.

With you, it's not so bad...

Poor guy! On supermodel duty!

Making fun of me?

Yes. Call her.

I don't dare.

Emilie? It's Pascal, am I intruding?

Know what time it is?

Sorry, I'm at the store, doing the books.

Didn't see the time go by.

I loved our lunch together.

- Hello? Yes, I'm here.

Let's do it again soon.

You call me at 11 PM for that?

No, I had a great idea, and wanted to tell you at once.

Ask your friend to come by my store with his girl.

We'll take some photos to put in the window.


He's not my friend! Screw his girl and your window!

I'm sick of all this. I'm not interested!


It's not Emilie...

It's not? No, it's not.

Oh, it's you.

Sorry about that. Mind letting go of my breast?


I was dreaming, I'm sorry. No big deal.

She was snuggled against me...

I figured that out.

Her skin was so soft. But it wasn't hers.

I'm sure hers is soft, too. Turn around.


I'm not used to someone in my bed.

My buddy Richard, a few times before we got the couch.

But it wasn't like sleeping with you.

If it'll calm you down, pretend I'm him.

True, that calms me down fast.

We can't show him that.

You can see he's fondling her breast.


There's a street lamp by the window...

No, why'd she let him touch her?

Don't know.

I sat on an old crate all night, in a crumbling building. What do I know?

If we show him these pictures, he'll go ballistic.


You saw the press coverage, sir? Fabulous, no?

These articles show that they took the bait.

They all fell for "The Princess and the Parking Valet".

The pictures! I was getting to that.

We have some, but they're not great... technically.

You can't see much. Not enough light.

I disagree. These pictures are fine.

Nice work, Paul.

Thanks, sir.

Back to your stake-out.

That little bastard!

Trying to make her!

I'll fix him. He'll be out cold.

You'll make him lose his valet job?

Sir, small fry are tough to put the screws on.

She's in his bed, he touches her, for whole nights.

May I speak as a friend?



Say what you have to say.

A man like you can't be jealous of him.

You're paid to defend me, not to judge me. Get out!

Mr Berman.


You were right, they're not an item.

Even though they slept together.

You have proof?

Your husband has them watched. What?

Another guy was spying from that building.

He hid, but I recognized him.

No kidding! He has them watched?

As there are no curtains, he's like us, he sees it all.

This is too good!

He puts her in the guy's bed, and now frets.

Wouldn't curtains add to his anxiety?

When you can't see, your imagination runs wild.

How sad, this poor guy who can't afford curtains!

How is he? My husband gave him a shot.

He gives shots now? He learned, he had to.

Feeling better, Dad?

He stuck me like a pig. I'm sorry.

I saw the grocer's wife for her phlebitis.

The shot she gave me was a joy!

Do you have bronchitis? That's right.

What did I prescribe? Suppositories and syrup.


So keep it up.

Coming to Andre's birthday?

I have a ton of work.

Stop by to please Francois.

Move! I have another patient to see.

She won't come. Why not?

Because she won't.

I hope you're wrong: He must be so unhappy.

Holed up in his place with his heartache.


Karl, bravo.

Thank you for coming.

One of your finest collections!

On to the next! I'm never satisfied.

Not too bored?

Why do you all walk like horses?

We did our job, let's go.

You looked magnificent in that wedding dress!

Thanks. You're very good.

So are you.


Keep it up, it amuses me no end!

She says I'm good? Have I parked her car?

I've re-estimated the cost of your divorce.

It's still rough but...

I'm not divorcing.

I thought it over last night with a cool head:

No woman is worth losing my life's work.


In business school, I dreamed of being the CEO I am now.

Why lose it to a passing fancy?

Bravo again, sir.

Losing my drive, my pride, my power, for someone I may soon tire of?

Music to my ears!

After 20 years, leaving my wife is tearing off a part of myself.

A big part, she has 60% of the shares.

That's not what I meant. Sure, I'm sorry.

In short, I'll call that girl to say it's over.

Does she keep the 20 million? Sure.

She can keep the money, it's only honorable.

Yes, of course...

I had a trick to get back most of the sum, but...

That's not what matters.

I'm myself again.

Well done, sir.

To think that I equated an industrial empire with... Elena.

It's Paul.



I'll tell him.

They've put up curtains.


His place has curtains now.

But why?

I don't know.

I knew it!

He's sleeping with her, hiding behind curtains!

No matter, since you're leaving her.

Let's break his legs with a lead pipe!

We pay him to act decently, and he reams her ass!

Sir, you came to a decision.

Curtains! So they can hide their smut!

Why the curtains, dammit?


- Evening. Foix speaking. Evening.

Things fine?

I just got home, I liked the fashion show.

You did? Ask about the curtains!

It was awesome. I'd seen that on TV, but...

Sorry to cut in, but did you do some decorating?


The curtains. Nice, aren't they?

The little shit!

May I ask why you bought those curtains?

She bought them.

Elena bought them?

I saw them when I got home.

Why did she buy curtains? Why did she buy curtains?

To protect our privacy, I guess.

Privacy! What's the creep saying?

We didn't hire you to have "privacy" with Elena.

I told you clearly it was a pretense.

A what?

An act, a game, you're just a stand-in.

We paid you to pretend you were a couple, not to be one.

People were watching us.

She was sick of it, hence the curtains.

We have peace, they can think what they want.

You're exploiting us, scumbag! You'll regret it!

Who is this?

I paid you! You thief, you thug!


I hung up, sir.

I did it.

Don't lose your temper like that.

Calm down, analyze the situation coolly.

That guy's sick!

It's 8PM, we're dining at the Lambert's.

I'll let you go alone, I don't feel well.

Are you sick?

Tired. I've had some rough days.

Sorry, but I don't feel up to it.

True, you do seem tired.

It takes real stress to look that way.

Apologize to the Lamberts for me.

Should I cancel?

I can stay and hear of your troubles.

Forget my troubles, I'm tired, that's all.

Don't lie, I know what's upsetting you.

That strike in the factory.

It hasn't made life easier.

I'm so sorry, poor dear.

You'll be late.

Get some rest!

See you later.

A guy insulted me over your curtains.

Called me a scumbag and a thug.

If you wanted curtains... But I didn't!

You didn't? No!

Then, who?

His wife. Only she would do it.

His wife?

Why'd she fix up my place?

It's their problem. Not yours.

It's my home, I could file a complaint!


Cops'll say: "What was stolen?" "No, they hung curtains."

Might turn ugly.

And he called you?

His lawyer did. Then that maniac insulted me and hung up.

She pulled it off.

I'll be right back.

Give it back. Emilie won't take it, nor will I.

Why? No one's asking for the money back.

He called me a thief, I'm not.

32,450 Euros is a lot. He'll want it.

He's a billionaire, that's a tip for him.

No, he called me a thief!

Give it to Emilie, she'll take it.

It's over with Emilie. Now she's with Mr Cell Phone.


I'm sure she realizes she's losing a really great guy.

I'm cold.

Take my blanket, I'm not cold at all.

No, I don't need it. Thanks, keep it.

It's because of him?

He's a bastard. It's wrong to cheat on your wife.

Wait till you're married to say that.

Why am I so cold?

All the men I meet are creeps with a one-track mind.

If we stay any longer like this, I'll turn into one, too.

Go back to bed, I feel better.


What's that? Nothing.

You said not to talk about it, so I won't.

They're getting married.


Their picture's in here, she's in a wedding dress.

But you're right, it's their business.

Do the new pens go in the rack or at the register?

He won't marry her. I'm the one he loves, he said so.

Don't bring that up again. I didn't.

Never again! Is that clear?

It's for you. Can we talk? Got a minute?

Go get a coffee.

Did you hear? Get a coffee! OK.



She's still there.

If she'd pose for a picture for my window.

Bad timing. Whatever they're saying, it's heavy.

Means another lunch alone.

You had a date with her?

She cancels all the time. She can't like me.

Weird, huh?

Yeah. A handsome guy like you shouldn't lunch alone.

What sign is she? Who?


Aries, Gemini rising.

That's very good. Let's see your hand.

You're very sensual... Really?

Being fleshy there means you're hot.

Let's see yours.

I never saw that before.

Me neither.

Wanna have lunch?

There you're lovely...



Let's do a few more.

Like that.

Let's take a break!

I'm not wild about the collections this year.

Only the big names held their own...

The young ones were all rags and tatters. Diddly poo!

As for Elena! Seen her guy?


He's a parking valet! Elena, with him?

He has no money, no looks!

What does she see in him?

He must have hidden talents. That's gotta be it.

Something huge!

Things OK, Richard?

You OK? Sure. When's the wedding?

That's just fan-mag bullshit.

Can I ask you a favor? Sure.

When you're married, don't eat here.

I'd hate parking your car.

Richard... What?

There's nothing between Elena and me.


I can't explain now, but soon I will.

You'll see, it was no big deal.

You're just ashamed. Of what?

Kicking me out to ball a supermodel.

Now you're marrying her, and I'm stuck at my drunken mom's.

I'm not ashamed or marrying anyone.

I bet you gave her Emilie's ring.

You're a dog, that's why you get laid.

But you're not happy.

I'm not getting laid!

This thing with Elena's a fraud.

I'm telling you, you're my buddy.

Soon we'll be living together again.

You shitting me?

You have my word.

You're an ass-face, but I like you.

Thanks, Francois.

Don't park it, I'll only be a minute.

Is Mr. Pignon around?

Yes, he's here.

It's for you!


She gives me her number, and I didn't ask for it.

Casanova, you about through?



Mrs Levasseur, sir.

Show her in.

You wanted to see me?

I haven't been here in ages.

I walked through the place.

A landlord's visit!

That's fine...

Know what the gossip is? No.

Your mind's not on the job.

Screw the gossip.

And that if you keep it up, you won't be CEO for long.

Got nothing funnier?

I had the curtains put up at Pignon's.

Your lies about that photo are such fun.

Your bumbling's hilarious.

I don't follow you.

Then I'll spell it out.

If you love that girl, leave me, go off with her to Venice, I'll file for a divorce.

What are you talking about?

A poor sap who wants both a wife and a mistress.

It's time to choose.

Darling, I never planned to divorce you.

You've been glum since she lives with that guy.

She means nothing to me, it's over.

I'll go to Venice, but with you!

Once the Board meeting's over, we'll leave on a second honeymoon.

We had a lovely suite for our first one.

Try to book it again.

I'll get right on it.

I haven't been here in ages.

I walked through the place.

A landlord's visit!

Francois is marrying a model!


I heard it at the beauty parlor. They saw it in a paper.

He's marrying a very famous model.

What's this? They forgot which paper, but swore Francois is marrying Naomi Campbell.

A name like that...

He'd have told you...

Why would Naomi Campbell marry our kid?

It's not her, but someone famous...

I couldn't reach Francois at home.

But he was heartbroken over Emilie.

I don't get it. Me, neither.

It's me!

Happy birthday, Dad!

Your hair looks great, Mom.

Why are you staring at me?

Are you marrying a model?

No way! My hairdresser read it.

It's just fan-mag gossip.

Open your gift, Dad!

It's magnificent!

You don't have that one? No.

Thanks, Francois.

My collection's becoming famous.

I'm invited to a dinner to talk about my corkscrews!

That's great, Dad.

I brought a friend. That OK?

A friend?



Happy birthday, sir.

Can I help?

No, sit in the other room, I'll handle it all.

Our sonny has a secret life.

Incredible. Where'd he ever find that?

My God, maybe it's Emilie. You said she wasn't coming.

Hello. Hi, sweetheart.

He calls her "sweetheart"!

Happy birthday! Thanks Emilie, dear.

Where's the oldie?

Happy birthday. Thanks.

How old are you, around 75?

I'm 58. That guy's an idiot!

I'll change doctors.

What did I say? He can get all the girls he wants!

About the 20 million, I'm canceling the transfer.

I'll never see her again.

But to hold her one last time...

I went through that once.

I got my last time.

I lied to the girl, told her what she wanted to hear.

She came to our date, elated.

I got a glorious last night with her.

That's odious.

I know.

"Happy birthday to you..."

Doctor, may I ask you for something. What?

Your daughter's hand.

You should ask her.

I did.

Did she accept?


Then why are you pestering me?

Thanks, Doctor.

Why's that doctor always angry?

He's allergic to patients.


It's me, I have good news for you, or rather, good news for us.

I'm listening.

No, I want to surprise you.

Can we meet tomorrow?

I've got a show, but I'm free at 5PM.

- Where? At the Pavilion, in the Park.

I'll pick you up at five.

No, let's avoid the press, meet me in the usual place.

Do I spend tonight at his place or mine?

Go home, you're through with that bum.

See you tomorrow, love.

Why does he keep insulting me?

Doesn't matter now.

I'm happy, Francois.

Then he can call me a bum all he wants.

Time to say good-bye.

Not coming up for your things?

I've got stuff at my place. Tomorrow.

Well, good night, Elena.

I didn't think this 3 days ago.


That I'd be sad to leave you.

Me neither.

Good night, Francois.

Am I bothering you?

No, I'm with my mom. She quit drinking.

Yeah, when?

Today. Looks like it's working.

You OK, Mom? I'm thirsty.

You can have this apartment: I'm moving in with Emilie.

No way! That's so cool!

Elena there? She can stay, wouldn't bother me.

No, she left.

To live with the man she loves, and she's very happy.

Darling, I never planned to divorce you.

You've been glum since she lives with that guy.

She means nothing to me, it's over.

I'll go to Venice, but with you!

Once the Board meeting's over, we'll leave on a second honeymoon.

Here she is.

You? She's through with you.

Get out of this car!

I have a message for you. Screw that!

Get him out!

When do you go to Venice? What?

Hope you get the honeymoon suite.

No, wait! Take a walk.

I don't know what you're saying.

You will, in Venice with your wife.

I don't know how, but you stole her, you creep!

I'm marrying the girl I love in 3 weeks.

You can insult me all you want.

Elena says that, rich as you are, you're a poor man! She's sorry for you!

She won't get her 20 million, I had it voided!

Not a penny, tell her!

She knew you'd cover yourself. I'm sorry for you too!


Feeling blue? Want a little treat?

Leave me alone, dammit!