The Wackness (2008) Script


So, what's on your mind, Luke?


I mean, I can make something up.

Fine. Make something up, then.



I'm having trouble getting laid. Common problem.

How old are you again, Luke?

Old enough to be getting laid.

And getting older every day.

Have you ever gotten laid?

Two years ago, I fucked Katie Randall in Battery Park.

But she had drank like two 40-ounces, and the cops came and broke us up before we...

So, she was drunk?

Home girl weighs, like, 60 pounds, and she drank two 40-ounce bottles of Crazy Horse.

Crazy Horse? Look, Dr. Squires...

Call me Jeff. Look, Jeff...

Dr. Squires...

How much do you need, man?

You're the one who needs this, son.

How much? A quarter.

Well, I can give you two eighths. It's the same thing.

That entitles you to another... Forty-eight minutes.

Forty-eight minutes. If you go now, you're getting ripped off.

I'm just not feeling all this feeling shit today, Dr. Squires.

Luke, tomorrow's a very big day in your life. One of the biggest.

And I look at you and there's...

There's just no joy, you know?

Tell Stephanie I say what's up.


Hey, you ever feel kind of like a fuck up?

Buying weed from the same dude that deals to your daughter?

Stepdaughter. Stepdaughter. Exactly.

Later, Mr. Squires. I'm a doctor, Luke.

Dr. Squires.

(LUKE:) I met Dr. Squires in the spring of '94.

First as a client, then as a patient.

At the beginning we didn't talk about much of anything.

I don't know why I kept seeing him, to be honest.

But sometimes it's nice to have someone to talk to.

Even if you're just talking shit.

He told me the drug thing was a cry for help. Maybe he's right.

I am Luke Shapiro. I'm a drug dealer.

Hear my cry.

My occupation takes me to exotic places like Brooklyn and Queens.

Now, I like it most in the summer when no one's around. Just me, the sweaty girls in their short skirts with their breasts and their panties, which I like to see when I can see them.

I like fly ladies. I like tank tops. I like short skirts.

I like my impure thoughts, which go a little something like this.

"The World is Yours" by Nas

It's yours

Whose world is this?

The world is yours the world is yours

It's mine, it's mine, it's mine

Whose world is this?

It's yours

It's mine, it's mine, it's mine

Whose world is this? Shapiro.


(MRS. SHAPIRO:) No, did you smell it?

(MR. SHAPIRO:) You're holding it, you smell it.

(MRS. SHAPIRO:) Well, I'm not... Listen, Mr. Bigshot. You know all about expiration dates?

Just look at the jar and tell me what you think.

I don't know. Why don't you check it out yourself?


Wipe the sweat off my dome Spit the phlegm on the streets

Suede Timbs on my feets makes my cypher complete

Whether cruisin in a six-cab or Montero Jeep

I can't call it The beats make me fallin' asleep

(LUKE:) I hate high school so I'm alone a lot.

Which is fine by me. Sometimes it gets lonely, I guess.

But I don't need high school friends.

One week they're listening to Kris Kross, the next, they're listening to Pearl Jam.

I'm not like that. I'm loyal.

I mean, I still listen to cassettes.

But tomorrow my life changes.

Tomorrow I graduate.

And then I go to my safety school.

And then I get older.

And then I die.


Robert Samuels.

Shana Sewart.

Luke Shapiro.

Congratulations, Shapiros.

Lucas, aren't you going to introduce us?

(LUKE:) - Mom, Dad, this is Mr... Dr. Squires. Jeff.

And this is my wife, Kristen. A pleasure.

And here's your daughter.

Stepdaughter. Stephanie.

All right, team. Picture time.

Tuck the fucking shirt into your pants, Jeffrey.



Hello. You paged me? Yeah.

Yo, I didn't know there was a party tonight, son.

Yeah. It's the graduation party.

I just graduated. Yeah. I know.

Yo, could you spot me 26 bucks?

Take the shit, yeah. Good looking out.

I don't want your fucking $4. All right.

(SNIFFING) Shapiro, you always come through with the madness.

(CHUCKLES) This is gonna last us till that first weekend in Amsterdam.

You're going to Amsterdam? Yeah, man. I told you that.

All right, man. Have a good summer then.

Yeah, I gotta bounce. They're almost out of Zima.

Yo. Shapiro?

Hey, Steph. What up?



You want some Ritalin? No, no. I'm cool.

So, what are you up to this summer?

Chilling. Making money. Why? You wanna go steady?

Yeah. Sure.

Ha, ha!

What are you doing for the summer?

I'm interning for one of Daddy's patients.

So, it's just gonna be like you and me here all alone and all, all summer.

But we'll never hang out.

"Heaven & Hell" by Raekwon

Jesus rollin' in my right hand

Yup, you know the steezo black

Got to go down like that

Shallah, cigars and ball hats

Ninety-four Takin' niggas to war

What do you believe in? Heaven or hell?

You don't believe in heaven 'cause we're livin' in hell

What do you believe in? Heaven or hell?

You don't believe in heaven 'cause we're livin' in hell

So it's your life

We're livin' in hell

What a chamber Fuckin' with mad strangers

Yeah, you know how it runs, baby Straight up, yo

Money, clothes Designer whores and shows, y'all

That's how it goes

Whatever What do you believe in? Heaven or hell?

You don't believe in heaven 'cause we're livin' in hell

So it's your life

(MAN ON TV:) ...what that is is a combination of the temperature and the humidity, those two combined. So it'll be about 100 degrees today, but it'll feel like 105 to 110, and that's in the shade.


If you're in the sun that'll add about 10 to 5 degrees, 5 to 10 degrees, more hotter that it will feel.


(MRS. SHAPIRO:) No... I'll tell you that much 'cause I...

(MR. SHAPIRO:) He doesn't understand the finer points about it...

What he doesn't understand is what I don't understand, which is I don't understand what you're telling me half the time.

Your father lost all of our money and now we have to move to, well, I don't know, somewhere poor.

Oh, somewhere poor? We're moving?

No, no, Luke, I'm telling you, I promise you we are not getting evicted.

We're getting evicted? No, no. There's plenty of time. I'll fix it.

Oh, yeah, plenty!

What's wrong with your face?

What's wrong with his face?

Did you fucking scratch him?

He hit me! I did not hit you, you goddamn liar!

She's a goddamn liar. You never hit a woman, Luke.

The two of you are acting like you're fucking 12 years old.

Stop cursing. Fuck off!

You see where he gets that mouth? Great. "That mouth."

Thank you very much. Right. "That mouth" from your mother.

(WOMAN ON TV:) Republican political consultants differ on the extent to which Mayor Giuliani's support of the President's crime bill could hurt him in the future.

I can't take that from you.

Where are you going? Somebody's gotta work around here.

"The What" by The Notorious B.I.G. & Method Man

Jesus, fellows. A little dramatic, don't you think?

(JAMAICAN ACCENT) Are you that Luke?


I used to get feels on a bitch

Now I throw shields on the dick

To stop me from that HIV shit Who is this?

Dis are the new shit. Biggie.

Biggie Smalls is the illest This shit is dope. Dis cat gonna change your world.

The thrill is gone The black Frank White is here to excite

And throw dick to dykes

Bitches I like 'em brainless

Guns I like 'em stainless steel


Everything cool, boy?

I could use a little more this week, Pers. How much more you want?

Like another five Zs. Oh, boy! You got big aspirations, Luke.

No, just a lot of debt.

Okay, soldier.

Be careful out there.

Dis blood clot Giuliani got dem bumba clot police lookin at everybody and everything.

Even white boy like you. I'm always careful, you know that.

I know. Dat is why me like you.

Luke! Yo!

It's called Ready to Die.

It's real Ninety-four Rugged raw

Kickin' down your goddamn door...

(MRS. SHAPIRO:) I know, but tell me one thing, we don't have any money?


And everything you get You gotta work hard for it

Honies, shake your hips Yeah, don't stop

And niggas pack the clips Keep on, bitch

Verse two Comin' with that Olde E brew

Meth-tical puttin' niggas back in ICU

I'm lifted, troop You can bring your wack-ass crew

I got connections I'll get that ass stuck like glue

No question I be comin' down and shit

Yo I gets rugged as a motherfuckin' carpet get

And niggas love it Not in the physical form but in the mental

I spark and they cells get warm

I'm not a gentle man I'm a method man

Baby, accept it Utmost respect it

Assume the position

Stop, look and listen

I spit on your grave then I grab my Charles Dickens Dr. Squires, can you, like, prescribe medicine and shit?

Of course.

Why do you ask, Luke?

Well, it's for me. No shit.

I think recently I've been depressed.

I don't sleep good. I think too much.

Luke, you ever hear the saying, "The unexamined life is not worth living?"

Yeah. Maybe the examined one isn't either.

Oh, no, come on, don't talk like that.

Has this got something to do with Kurt Cobain?

Look, the point is, who says it's gotta be all so fucking sad like that, you know?

Is there something going on at home, Luke?

Yeah, of course something's going on at home. What?

This is what you get paid for?

Men do the things they need to do to become the men they want to be.

Do you understand? Sure.

That includes asking for help.

It's my parents. There you go.

What about them?

They just...

They act like kids, you know?

My wife and I are the same way.

We act like kids all the time.

And why do you think that is?

Life has a funny way of turning you into the one thing you don't wanna be.

My life sucks.

I swear, it sucks. Lucas.

Do you have any idea what I would give to be you again?

Not you, specifically, but me at your age? It doesn't get any better.

Tell me that's not true. Oh, you're fucking living, Luke.

It's great, living. Get your heart broken. Find yourself face down in the gutter.

Get your pulse up. Make a real mess of your life, son.

This is what you tell all your patients?

You're not depressed, Luke.

You're sad. There's a difference. No, I'm depressed.

I'm mad depressed, yo.

So just give me some of those happy pills and we can call it a day.

Sorry, Luke. I can't do that.

And how do you suggest I deal, then?

I suggest you talk about it with a friend.

Like I said, I don't have any friends. You have me.


Yo, Shapiro.

Yo. What's up, man?

Steph, what up?

Who's this?

This is Jesus Christ. From my stepdad's first marriage.

Bet I can guess what you're doing here.

Yeah, your stepdad paged me.

Dude smokes more weed than I do, it's pathetic.

You like him? Squires?

(CHUCKLING) Not really.

But you should hear about some of the crazy people that come into that guy's office.

He tells you about that shit? Yeah.

But, I mean he's not, like supposed to tell you, right?

There's confidentiality and what not?

Whatever. I don't know. He tells me anyway.

Like there's this one guy he sees, I'm not kidding, a chronic masturbator.

Uh... Yeah.

That's crazy. The guy jerks off seven times a day.

Literally. And when his nuts are dry, he just lies in bed with his hands down his pants, like, touching himself and shit.

Jesus Christ, no. Oh, it's all right. It's all good.

Sorry. Don't trip.

Is this yours? Uh...


This is my summer job. You sell ices?

No, that's my cover. For my parents.

Check me out.


Shit! That's a lot of green, man.

That's how I roll. So, you just... How does it work?

Well, I mean... Can I show you?

Sure. Let me drop the dog off.

All right. All right. Hang on.

"Summertime" by DJ Jazzy Jeff & The Fresh Prince

I'm not going to get arrested, am I?

Just act calm and follow my lead, and everything will be fine.

Relax. Here.



Here it is, the groove Slightly transformed

Just a bit of a break from the norm Luke. Yo. That's her.

Hi, Luke. This is Albert.

We just ate mushrooms.

So, how much do you all need again? We met at a Phish show.

And we saw each other and it was like that episode of 90210, when Brandon and Emily Valentine take ecstasy.

(STEPHANIE:) - Euphoria. What?

It's called euphoria.


Euphoria. Euphoria.

Did you do something with your hair? No.

You look cuter. You look like Jason Priestley like that.

Yo. There's like mad cops around, I think.

So, can we do this?

Time to sit back and unwind

School is out and it's a sort of a buzz

But back then I didn't really know what it was


Who? Who's the girl? Is she a cop?

No, this is my friend Stephanie.

Stephanie, this is Elanor. Hi. Nice to meet you.


Come on in.

She's hot.

I'm sorry about the cop stuff. I just...

You know, with Giuliani and the stories you hear, you can't be too careful.

So I had to do this today, though, because I have this guy coming into town tomorrow and we don't have anything to talk about unless we're stoned.

But if we're stoned, in bed he's like...

He's a really nice guy.

Luke, can I ask you something? Just for a sec.

Why are men so complicated?

Is it because I'm intimidating?

Am I intimidating because I play an instrument?


You play an instrument? No, I know.

I forgot you don't know anything about me.

I mean, I don't really need to know anything about you, Elanor.

I played in a band in the '80s. Well, in '82 we were really big.

What about you? Stephanie? Right?

You must have some insight into the mind of men.

I mean, he must be a handful.

Oh, we're not that. (CHUCKLES) - We're not like that.

I think you're really beautiful and you have really good chemistry.

Don't you think you should try it once and just see how it feels?

Elanor, you know, I could just sell you some weed and we could leave it at that.

Oh, yeah. Okay. A quarter of bubble gum?


All right. We're gonna...

Yeah. And the door, when you shut it, it just locks behind you.

Thanks, you guys.

Yo, Shapiro, you should take my number. Okay. Call me some time.

Call you? Yeah.

You mean, like, for weed? No, man. To hang out.

This city can get so lonely when there's nobody to talk to.

I think we could be friends.

Friends? Yeah, friends. You know, like, homies, buddies, amigos. Just take my number, okay?

All right, word. I'll definitely call you.

What do you want from me, Luke?

I don't know.

Come on, Luke, you can tell me.

After all, I'm just in your head.

Be honest.

Do you wanna do dirty things to me?

Not, like, especially dirty.

Just, like, normal dirty.

Do you want to fuck me? On the beach? In the sun?


Do you wanna be my friend?

Do you wanna be my best friend? Maybe.

Place your hand on my shoulder. It's warm.

Put your hand between my thighs.

Come to the sun, Luke. Come.


Come. I'm coming.





What's up, Dad?

What's a seven-letter word for a subatomic particle?

I don't know, Dad. What's up?

Son, would you please turn down the air conditioning?

The electric bill is through the roof.

Dad, it's like 90 degrees out. Please, just do it.


Such a beautiful evening.

What are you doing? Seating.

For that charity thing. Do you wanna go out?


You know, out. Grab a drink, chill.

It's a Tuesday night. And I'm almost 40.

Two. You're 42.

I've been thinking about your dilemma a lot recently, Luke.

What's my dilemma? The girl thing.

Luke, back when I went to school, drug dealers had no problem getting girls.

In fact, that's why I always wanted to be one.

Were you popular in high school, Dr. Squires?

Well, I wouldn't say popular, no.

I wasn't one of those cool kids, if that's what you're asking.

I played baseball, I was a debater...

Did you ever wanna kill yourself?

Not till much later. Then you must have been popular.

I'm not.

This has got nothing to do with being popular, Luke.

You're just not trying hard enough.


You must think about it. The different scenarios.

Random sex in phone booths, chance encounters in discos, the way they smell, the things they say, even when they're saying nothing at all.


I mean, I'm married, so I don't contemplate that type of thing.

No. Of course not.

Surely there's someone, Luke.


This one girl.

That's fantastic, Luke. Who is she? Does Stephanie know her?


No, she goes to school downtown.

So what's the problem? She just wants to be friends.

What makes you think that? She said so.

Make her like you, Luke. That's what I did with my wife.

How did you do that?

Be her friend. Confide in her, earn her trust.

Then, when you are least threatening to her, grab her and stick your tongue so far down her throat she starts to gag from pleasure.

Can I grab her tits, too? Baby steps, Luke.


Pursue her, Luke. You're the perfect age for it.

You haven't yet been systematically numbed to the allure of romance.

You still have your youthful...


I got it.

Young men need sex, Luke. All men, actually.

I can get you a hooker, if you like.

God, I was this close to respecting you.

Big mistake, Luke. Call your girl.

You don't need medication, Luke. You just need to get laid.

(MRS. SHAPIRO:) It's a surprise attack. I don't want these...

(MR. SHAPIRO:) What is the postmark on that?

What do you mean? I just got it today.

I just wanna know what the postmark is.

- When did you get it? I don't wanna talk about the postmark!




Oh, my God!





(DR. SQUIRES:) Hello?



(DEEPENS VOICE) - I'm looking for... Luke?

Luke, is that you? Dr. Squires?

It's okay, Luke. I know why you're calling.

You do? The beaver hunt.

The pussy quest.

I can help you, Luke. Let's grab a drink.

I got just the place.

All right.

It's strange. This place used to be packed.

The city's not the same anymore, Luke. This place, it really used to be something down here, the drugs, the girls, the music, the fucking music.

Speaking of which.


"Season of The Witch" by Donovan

What kind of music do you like, Luke?

Tribe Called Quest. Pharcyde. De La Soul.

That's rap, right? I don't know much about that stuff.

I'll make you a mixtape. I'd like that.

Maybe I'll make you one, too.

Some Bowie, maybe a little Pink Floyd.

Some classical. Brahms, Haydn.


Haydn? Yeah, Haydn's dope.

You serious? No, Dr. Squires.

Hey, Luke.

Why couldn't Mozart find his teacher? Because he was Haydn.

That's not funny.

Yo, order me another drink, please?

Another Bud, right here.

Must be the season of the witch Lucas, I hate my wife.

Must be the season of the witch I hate my parents. I need to get laid.

We both need to get laid.


Luke, I've never cheated on my wife before, ever.

But I want to now, it is my mission.

You have no idea how much I want to.

Sometimes it's right to do the wrong thing, and right now is one of those times.

But we need to fix ourselves first.

You need fixing? Lucas, I need a whole lot of fixing.


Union? (LAUGHING) - Luke, hi.

I can't believe you're here!

We came in to check out all the old weird people.


Oh, wait.

(SOFTLY) - Don't even think about it. Is this the mystery girl?

No, but it doesn't mean she's fair game.

This is Gruden. My date to the Midsummer Night Cancer Ball. It's for charity.

He's an exchange student from Rotterdam. He's a joke.

Yo, what up? What happened to home boy you were with in the park?

Albert? Oh, he's so amateur.

Gruden, I'm Haydn.

Like the classical guy? Yes.

I was named after him.

That's so awesome. Do you like the Grateful Dead?

Followed them for four years after college.

Whoa! Baby, you

"Just a Friend" by Biz Markie You've

Got what I need

got what I need

But you say you're just a friend

(DR. SQUIRES:) Just a friend And you say you're just a friend

Oh, baby, you... you... Oh, what do you call that thing?

It's a blunt. It's a blunt. I like that.

(DR. SQUIRES:) - Where was I? (UNION:) - The second set.

Oh, yeah.

They opened up with Casey Jones.

Driving that train And that's right when the acid kicked in.


Your dad's mad cool. He's not my dad.

Luke is very into the rap of The Soul Tribe and many of their other songs.

Tell her, Luke. Tell me.

Tell her. Go ahead, talk. Talk to her.

I'm gonna go get another beer. Gruden, yo!

The tour was over and she went back to school

I called every day to see how she was doin'

Every time that I call her... Goldilocks.

I am one of the three bears. Guess which one.

(LAUGHING) - Which one? (LAUGHING) - Baby bear.

"White Room" by Cream




The game's not called Four Minutes in Heaven, Luke.

(PANTING) We have like three minutes.

All right, that's enough, kids. You are all too young to be in here anyway.

Oh, come on. They're all 18.

Since when is the drinking age 21?

(UNION:) Bye, Haydn!

Since forever. Fucking Giuliani.

Look around you, Luke, is this what you want for your mind?

For your life? You want it to be like this city?

Sweep all the nasty bits under the rug? Make everything okay?

He puts the homeless people in prison, you know? These people are sick, mentally.

They're being put in jail. What do you think about that, Luke?

Doesn't seem right. No.

No, it doesn't. That's why I don't want you on medication, Luke.

You may as well open up a Starbucks in your brain. You follow me?

Don't jump for the quick fix. This whole fucking city wants a quick fix.

Embrace your pain. Make it a part of you.

You don't want to be like them. I don't want you to be like them.

So, you've never taken any of that stuff?

Jesus, Luke, I'm on all of it. I don't want you to be like me, either.

Sex is a drug too, you know?

More powerful than any synthetic pharmaceutical.

Yeah? Is that why you go around trying to fuck little girls?

That was just second base.

Oh, second base, huh? Hey, what happened to getting fixed first?

Sometimes getting laid is getting fixed, you know?

Except for dogs. Now break out that blunt.

This is a joint. Joint. I know that.

Why'd you do that, Luke? Tag this wall?

I'm just kind of putting my stamp on it, fucking let people know I was here.

It's illegal, isn't it? It is.

May I? You may.

Just be careful. Careful.


Excellent penmanship, Dr. Squires. Why, thank you.

Oh, no, I thank you. No, no, no, I thank you.

Oh, you're welcome. M.D.

Hey! You two! (MUFFLED) - Fuck!

(MUFFLED) Stop right there!


(MUFFLED) Forrest Gump, Luke.

What are you talking about? Running.






Who put you up to this, boys? Giuliani? You got some kind of quota to fill?

Used to be, you could lick a sheet of acid, hold up a bank, fuck a whore in Times Square without any of you batting an eyelash. Now, one blunt, we're in the clink.

This whole city's fucked. We give you character!

Hey, shut the hell up!

Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, now, brother. Join the revolution!

What are you in here for? I stabbed my wife in the pussy.

Oh, wow!

(SOFTLY) Yo, Squires, maybe we should keep this on the DL, all right?

Yo, DL! Quiet!

(MAN 1:) - Hey, shut up! (MAN 2:) - Please, come on!

Shapiro! Squires!

You made bail.




Hi there, Stepdaddy. Hi, precious.

Hey, Steph. Shapiro.

Thanks a lot for getting my stepdad thrown in prison.

You know, you're really a great influence on him.

But it wasn't my fault. It was my fault.

I know. I was kidding. Anyway...

What are you doing today? Shapiro's busy.

No, I'm not. Yes, you are.

Okay, well, look, Squires, why don't you just take the car back to the garage, and I won't tell my mom about this whole prison thing and Shapiro's coming with me.

Don't touch my daughter, Luke.

Stepdaughter. Stepdaughter.

So, what's the deal with you and my stepdad?

Are you guys, like, gay together?

We're friends, I guess. Weird.

Not really.

He's very immature. I know.

Him and my mom fight about that all the time.

I know.

We got more in common than you think, Steph.

Now, I've got something new for you. Step up and tap. Go up and tap. Long body.

Remember that knee? Give me one knee here and then a grapevine.


Don't you wanna know where I was last night?

Do you want to tell me?

I was having an affair. Good for you.

I was in prison. I went to jail.

(PANTING) That's nice, Jeffrey.

I'm taking a nap.


Give me all the chicken heads From Pasadena to Medina

Bet big Get in between you

Then pick the prognosis doses

Blends and bends like twizzlers What are you staring at, man?

I'm looking for my reflection.

Yeah, you're not gonna find it in there.

No shit. That water's mad dirty.


So, how come we, like, never hung out in school?

'Cause I was a loser.

I mean, not like a loser-loser, you know, but I was definitely the most popular of the unpopular.

Or maybe the most unpopular of the popular.


Either way, you're mad out of my league.

So what, I'm slumming now? Perhaps.

You want a beer? Yeah.

Never thinking for a moment, baby

That you'd be thinking of me, too, yeah

So I can't wait for the day

Very handy.

I can't let you walk away Who is this?

Notorious B.I.G.

Just came out. Real dope.

You should make me a mix some time.

Put this on it. Definitely.

Our love was meant to be

You were meant for me

Oh, baby, can't you see

What you do to me

Our love was meant to be

You were meant for me

Every time I see you No, dude, what are you doing?


(LAUGHING SELF-CONSCIOUSLY) Telling me you are the one Yo, did it feel good?

Let's try it again.

I can't wait for the day

That we can be together Weird.

Oh, can't you see You and me

Were meant to be, oh, baby

There's nothing left for me to say

Oh, baby, can't you see

What you do to me

Our love was meant to be

You were meant for me

Oh, baby, can't you see... Thank you. All right, bye.

You were meant for me

You take me away So far away

Oh, what you do to me

I wanna be alone together

Somewhere just you and me

Oh, baby, can't you see

Oh, baby, can't you see What you do to me

Our love was meant to be You were meant for me

You were meant for me

Oh, baby, can't you see

Oh, baby, can't you see What you do to me

Our love was meant to be

Yo, Mom.


Can I make you a sandwich?


Where have you been? I think I'm in love.

Well, that's wonderful. Who's the lucky girl?

Stephanie Squires.


You're up late. Oh, hi. So are you.

You have a nice day with Luke?

What's that supposed to mean? Nothing.

Do you like him?

I don't know. What do you care?

Do you like-like him?

Maybe, yeah.

He's a drug dealer. Yeah, I know. Thank you.

Look, I'm really not in the mood for a father daughter moment right now, Dr. Squires.

Well, may I watch TV with you?

Whatever. Cool.

So, fill me in.

Well, basically there's been, like, this big misunderstanding,

and Mr. Furley thinks Jack's gay. I think I've seen this one.

Oh, good morning, Luke. You're up early.

Couldn't sleep. It's mad hot.

What's that?

We're getting evicted? Keep your voice down.

I'll take care of it. I've got a very big deal coming through.

It's not a problem.

Where will we go? I don't know. Downtown, maybe? Jersey?

Not everyone has to live on the Upper East Side of Manhattan.

Well, I can't live in Jersey.

Look, I messed up, and I'm trying to fix it.

Then fix it. All I can do is try.

Be a man, Dad. Fix it.

What can I do, Luke? Deal pot?

I don't think you'd be very good at that.

"Can I Kick It?" by A Tribe Called Quest

(LUKE:) So I've been dealing a lot more lately.

I'm just trying to help my folks out, you know?

I feel a lot of pressure lately...

You're totally wrong for each other.


I want you to stop seeing Stephanie. She's not for you.

What's so bad about me?

She'll break your heart, Luke. She's just bored.

That's not true. Fine. Ignore my advice.

What? You think she's hot? You want to fuck her?

Next thing you know, you've wasted your entire life on a girl you got nothing in common with, Luke.

Actually, I was just trying to listen to your advice, Dr. Squires.

Remember living?

And who said anything about my entire life?

This is it, Luke. This is your life. The choices you make.

And I guess you've chosen to be a hoodlum drug dealer, who latches onto the only girl who'll pay attention to him, simply because he's scared of being alone.

And what about you?


Telling me not to take medication.

Your "You don't want me to be like Times Square" fucking metaphor.

What the fuck was that?

I mean, you said it yourself, right? You're on half that shit.

You're a fucking hypocrite.

Why are you even hanging out with me, anyway?

Don't you got some friends your own age?

Don't you feel like a fucking weird old idiot, just trying to relive your high school years 'cause you fucked them up the first time?

I believe our time is up.

This was a short one, so I'll just charge you a dime bag.


I made this for you.

"Can I Kick It?" by A Tribe Called Quest

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Can I kick it? Yes, you can!

Well, I'm gone Go on, then!

Can I kick it?

To all the people who can quest like a tribe does

Before this Did you really know what live was?

Comprehend to the track for it's why 'cause

Gettin' measures on the tip of the vibers

Rock and roll to the beat of the funk fuzz

Wipe your feet really good on the rhythm rug

If you feel the urge to freak Do the jitterbug

Come and spread your arms if you really need a hug

Afrocentric living is a big shrug

A life filled with (HORN BLARES)

That's what I love

A lower plateau is what we're above

If you diss us We won't even think of

Will Nipper the doggy give a big shove?

This rhythm really fits like a snug glove

Like a box of positives is a plus, love

As the Tribe flies high like a dove


You're home early. My last patient canceled.

Actually, he committed suicide yesterday.

Oh. Anyway, here I am.


Do you think I'm a weird old guy?

Yes. You do?

You don't love me anymore, do you?

I mean...

I don't blame you. I'm a mess.

You've always been a mess.

But we were a mess together. We were a beautiful mess.

Are you taking your pills?

I don't need pills. Not those pills, anyway.

What if we went somewhere? Got out of the city for a while. Would you like that?


It might be fun.

Second honeymoon? We never had a first one, Jeffrey.


So, what are you doing this weekend?

Nothing. Good.

My mom and Squires are going to Barbados or something, so my house in Fire Island is free.

I was wondering if you wanted to join me for some beachcombing.

Like a date?

More like a honeymoon.

What'll I do?

You know what people do on honeymoons, right?

I think so.


It's nice.

You want some wine? Got anything stronger?

Whiskey? Yeah, I'll try.

Very well. You got anything to mix it with?

Uh, there's some juice boxes. Yeah, that's good.

Yo, I made this for you.



Thanks. You're welcome.

This whiskey's a lot of drunk.


No shit.

So, let me ask you something.


What's going on here?

What do you mean?

I've never been in this situation before.

And what situation is that?


with a girl that likes me, who I like.

I'm just wondering, you know, what happens?

What happens when everybody comes back?

What do you mean? Like, do I turn into a pumpkin?

Basically, yeah.

I don't know.

It doesn't matter.

It doesn't matter?

Why not?

Because how could anything possibly matter right now?

You know what your problem is, Shapiro?

It's that you just have this really shitty way of looking at things, you know?

I don't have that problem.

I just look at the dopeness.

But, you, it's like you just look at the wackness, you know?

I do? Yeah.


Well, all you gotta do is just look at me.

All right. And kiss me.

Kiss you.



(WHISPERING) Take these off.


Condom? Condom? That's what the pill's for.

You're not really hard. No?

Oh, man. Fuck!


You know, I never drank coffee before.

Really? I drink it all the time. It's like Ritalin.

Yo, Steph, you know, I'm not trying to be a bitch or nothing, but...

What? I've kind of never had sex before.

You're a virgin? No!


I just never officially had sex. Okay.

I think that's why I'm nervous, you know?

That's why the thing with my dick.

Oh, Shapiro, don't worry about it. It's okay.

I've done it, like, a hundred times.

I can teach you. I'm down.

You sober yet?

Probably. Okay.

I think it's time for our first lesson.

"Bump N' Grind" by R. Kelly

With a little bump n' grind

I don't see nothing wrong

Hey, baby Okay, now. Just put it in.

Ow. Ow...

Slower, okay? Slower.

Yeah. Now just move in...


No fucking way.

Did you just come?

You fucking came.

Oh, fuck.



Are you crying? (VOICE BREAKING) - No.


Oh, God.

We haven't stayed up all night in 10 years.


(LAUGHING) Yeah, we did.

We did?

Yeah, we did.

New Year's Eve, four years ago.

Remember that coke that you found that we hid, from the '80s?

Mmm? We did it.

We fucked like little bunny rabbits on the balcony.


We woke up Steph, and you told her we were out there trying to save a sick pigeon.

I do, I do. I do remember that.

What happened to us, Kristen?

You're kidding, right?


I'm kidding.

I love you.

I love you, Steph.

I love you, Steph. I love you.

I got mad love for you, shorty. That's on the real.

I wanna listen to Boyz II Men when I'm with you.

Hey, surprise.




Right here.




I love you.

Whoa, dude.

All right, bye. Bye.


Sunburn. Oh, yeah, right.

All right, I'll see you later.



Thank you.

I want a divorce. Me, too.



Hey, sweetheart. How was your weekend?

Uneventful. You got a nice tan there, Steph.


Anyway, I'm going to bed. I just wanted to say hey.

Good night, angel.

We love you.





(STEPHANIE ON RECORDER:) Yo, you've reached Steph.

I ain't home, so leave a message at the tone. Peace.


Yo, Steph, what up?

It's, uh, it's me, Luke.


I know you said you'd call me this week, and, uh, it's a week from when you said that, so...

I mean, I guess there's still time in the week, technically.

I mean, technically, there's a couple of hours left.

I hope you're aware of that.

Look, are you not calling me back 'cause I said I love you?

'Cause that's stupid. I mean...

(STAMMERING) I didn't mean it really, and, you know, even if I did, I'm going to college in three weeks, so it's not like it matters.

You know what?

Fuck it.

I meant it.

I do love you.

All right? I'm not scared to say it.

I fucking love you, okay? And if that scares you, well, then fuck you. Huh? You know what?

Fuck off, all right? You're a fucking bitch. Peace out forever!



Come in.


She got bored.

With all due respect to my stepdaughter, Luke, fuck her. Fuck them all.

As Biggie says, Bitches, I like 'em brainless.

"Guns, I like 'em stainless steel."

Dr. Squires, do you remember when you told me that shit about men doing the things they need to do to become the men they need to become or something? No.

Well, I need your help.

What is it, Lucas?

You know anybody who could use some weed?

I got some extra weight I need to unload this month.

We could probably work something out.

"Long Shot Kick De Bucket" by The Pioneers

(LUKE:) All right, if we're gonna do this, Dr. Squires, we're gonna do it right.

All right? You gotta be more careful. Don't worry, Luke.

I'm not going back to prison. Good.

Let's establish a few ground rules. Number one, we use pagers.

Someone pages us, we call them back from a payphone.

We never use home phones for this type of stuff. Never.

That's great, Luke. I already have a pager for my medical practice.

All right, good.

Number two, we sell weed by the gram, by the eighth, and by the ounce.

Gram's the highest profit margin, but it's also the most potent, that's why we try to encourage people to buy the grams.

Principal Edwards, I can give you two grams for 125 bucks, all right?

Anything less than that, I don't make a profit.

You always were very good at math, Luke.

All right, 11 grand, plus another 10 Zs at a grand a Z.

It's a start.

Long Shot kick de bucket

Them wail Them wail. Them reel

But him couldn't take the trail

Them wail Them wail... Hey, Oliver. How's the golf game? Not bad, Doc. Not too bad.

How's your mother? Still projecting.

Oh, I'm sorry. Call the office to make an appointment.

Now, how much marijuana can I get for you today?

Exactly how much money are we trying to make here, Luke?

As much as possible.

What's all this for, Luke? If you don't mind me asking.

It was Starbright Combat, Corazon

Long Shot on the rear College.

It was Starbright...

It's okay. Uh-huh.

Who the fuck is you? Who the fuck is you?

Yo! Yo, yo, yo, yo! Percy! Percy! He's cool, all right?

I'm cool, Percy. Me will be the judge of that.

Stop that. Sorry.

The drowning represents an inability to get a handle on your life, what you're doing, perhaps your business.

The girl, well, I don't know.

When in doubt, I usually go with your mother.

My mother. That make a lot more sense now.

(LUKE:) Yo, fellas?

I hate to interrupt, but, Pers, I need more, man.

You can't just leave it downstairs? Not in this neighborhood.

I can't believe this is a fifth floor walk-up.

Oh, please behave yourself, Dr. Squires, all right?

This is my connect. Who the fuck lives in a fifth floor...

Hi, Luke.

...walk-up. Hello. Hi.

Come on in. I'm, uh, I'm Elanor.

I'm, um, Haydn.

No need for aliases with her, Squires. Oh, well then, I'm Jeff.

Oh, I'm still Elanor.


(LUKE:) - So, how much you need? A quarter.

I'm going to see that guy in New Hampshire.

I was just packing and stuff and then I was thinking I need some grass. I almost forgot.

So, that's how this happened.

So, a quarter, then? A quarter. Yeah.

He doesn't appreciate you.

How do you know that? He couldn't possibly.

That's a compliment, right? Ma'am.

Here it is. And I have this for you, too.


It's the greatest hits?

Well, actually, it's more like three songs, mixes...

Well, really it's more like one song.

You were in Emergency Breakthrough?

Yeah. No shit.

I love your music. What?



Wow. See, Luke? I told you I know a little about music.

I keep trying to broaden his horizons, you know, rap music isn't everything. I tell him, but...

You should listen to this woman, Luke.

She's as smart and talented as she is beautiful.

Wear and tear...?

(CHUCKLING) - He's really out of his mind, right? Total fucking lunatic.

(LUKE:) Hey, Steph.

So, I guess you're ignoring me, huh?

That's a shame,

because it would be really cool to hang out or whatever before I go to school.

The school year is rapidly approaching, as you know.


I miss you.

(DR. SQUIRES:) - But I love you. (KRISTEN:) - No, you don't.

Please, Kristen. Don't leave me all alone. I can't be all alone.

Cut the crap, Jeffrey. You asked for it.

Stephanie? Are you leaving, too?

No. Stephie will be here for the next few weeks.

I'll deal with all the details when I'm back.


Please, say something to your mother, Steph.

Jeffrey, leave her out of this.

Sweetheart, go to your fucking room.


(LUKE:) It would be really cool to hang out or whatever before I go to school.

The school year is rapidly approaching, as you know.

I miss you.



Shapiro? (JUSTIN:) - What?

Justin? Yo, why you calling me Shapiro?


No reason.

How was, um, Florence?

Oh, it was crazy, yo, mad crazy.

Yo, I'll tell you all about it.

We're hitting this club downtown tonight. You coming?

Yeah, totally.


Doll your shit up. Okay, call me later.

Peace. Bye.


Yo, yo, yo, what happened?

What happened? What do you think?

Wait, wait, wait. Wait, Dad. I have money!

Put that down. I got money! Leave the guys alone.

Let them do their job. Dad, I got $26,000, that should be more than enough.

Luke. What?

It's not enough.

It's not even close.

You said you'd fix it. You said you'd fix it, right?

I need you to go upstairs and pack up your room, okay?

Go on upstairs. Pack up your room.

Hey, be careful with that, would you, guys?

Are you being careful with my father's silver?

"Flava in Your Ear" by Craig Mack

Everybody let's agree that M.C.'s need a tissue

The funk's my only issue

I bet your mama miss you and I bet the Mack take off... What are you doing? Marking my territory.

You need some help?

I guess I'm gonna say Craig Mack with perfect timing

You won't be around next year

My rap's too severe kickin' mad flava in ya ear. Kick it down

Here comes the brand new flava in ya ear

Time for new flava in ya ear

I'm kickin' new flava in ya ear

Mack's the brand new flava in ya ear

Craig Mack

1,000 degrees

You'll be on your knees...


Yo! Hi, Steph.

Hey... Look, I know the summer's almost over but I think we can make this work.

Luke... Just hear me out, all right?

People do the long-distance thing all the time, you know, and we're not going to school that far away from each other.

It's like a four-hour train ride, so, we could alternate weekends, whatever.

(JUSTIN:) - Is that Shapiro? Is that Justin?

Oh, Shapiro.

Hi, baby. Yo, you got any weed?




Look, Luke... Where's Squires?

He's in Fire Island. Peace.

Yo, wait.

"Tearz" by Wu-Tang Clan

Yo, check Yo, yo. Check the script

Me and the gods get it ripped

Blunts in the dip Forty dogs in my lip

Had a box Boom, boom. The bass will blast

We was laughing at all the girls that passed

Conversation Brothers had begin to discuss

Hey yo, Ra! Remember that kid ya bust?

Oh, yeah, he ran But he didn't get far

'Cause I dropped him

Not knowin' exactly what lied ahead

My little brother My mother sent him out for bread

Get the Wonder it's a hot day in the summer

Didn't expect to come across a crazy gunner Luke.

"Check it for the bag and the dough"

But he was brave looked him in the eye and said, "No!"

Money splattered him... I apologize for the mess. I wasn't expecting company.

You've been doing all these drugs?

It's an experiment. An experience.

Life. Salvation. Drugs. Go ahead.

I've never done most of this stuff before, Jeff.

Come on, Luke, be a pal, do it.

Flashbacks I was laughin' all the time

I taught him all about the bees and birds

But I wish I had a chance to sing these three words

After laughter

comes tears


The ocean.

This is all I need, Luke.

Forget the city, the city is wrong.

I just want to wrap myself in the ocean.

I cannot

speak. That's the spirit, Luke.

Hit me with it! Come on, hit me!

You don't think I can take it? I can take everything you got, fucking sea!


I want a

vagina. You said it, Luke.

I should have known when she told me she didn't like dogs.

There's certain people you just can't trust, you know, Luke?

Listen to me. Never trust anyone who doesn't smoke pot or listen to Bob Dylan. You hear me?

Never trust anyone who doesn't like the beach.

Never, ever, ever, trust anyone who says they don't like dogs.

If you meet someone who doesn't like dogs, you alert the authorities immediately, and sure as shit don't marry them!

Okay. Okay.

Nothing's okay.

None of it's gonna be okay, everything is going to be terrible.

I tried to kill myself twice today.

Once with pills, turns out I have a very high tolerance for those.

Next by hanging. The hanging is very hard. The weight.

You lose too much weight, or you put on too much weight...

Oh, well.

Dr. Squires, what are you talking about? I don't know.

I just... I'm done.

This is it. Last call, Luke. I'm glad you're here to see me off.

Where you going, Dr. Squires? In there.

I'm ready to die, Luke.

Stop fucking around, Jeff.

I'm the weird old guy, remember? You said so yourself.

Look, I didn't mean it, all right? You're my friend.

You're my best friend.

So just, please, would you come back for me?

You're not worth it, Shapiro!

So that was all bullshit, right?

All that stuff about embracing your pain, making it a part of you?

You can't do this!

You can't just give up.

Life is hard and it's full of pain and what not, but we take it 'cause there's great stuff, too!

And we can do it because we have friends!

Because we help each other!

Stop! Stop!


That was really fucking cheesy, what you said just then.

There's enough assholes in the world, Dr. Squires.

Don't be another one.

Now you sound like me.

You wanna go to the city to fill out my prescriptions?

Sounds good.

Thank you, Luke.

How you feeling?

Please, don't do that again.

All right? You scared me. I'm sorry.

Dr. Squires, I gotta get back.

To my folks.

Where you living these days, Luke?

We're moving in with my grandparents.

In New Jersey. I'm sorry to hear that.

I'm sorry to live it.

I'm sorry about Stephanie, too.

She would have been a lucky girl.

Good luck in school.

Try and fuck a black girl. I never got the chance at college.

(SIGHING) Baby steps.

It'll be okay.

I can't answer that. It wasn't a question.

Peace, Doc. (SNIFFLING) - Peace out, Luke.

Luke. Hey.


Look, man, I just wanted to say... Do me a favor, Steph.

Don't say nothing, okay?

Just stand there till I leave.

I wanna remember this.

I've never done it before. Never done what?

Had my heart broken.

"All the Young Dudes" by Mott The Hoople

To Luke Shapiro.



Have you had any more thoughts about what you're gonna be as far as a profession goes?

Mom, he's got time. I'm just asking.

Actually, I'm thinking about becoming a shrink.


It's not quite the shoe business, but it's a very interesting field.

I figure I'm an expert 'cause everyone around me is so fucking crazy, you know?

Oh, man, I need TV when I got T Rex

Oh, brother, you guessed

I'm a dude, Dad

All the young dudes

Hey, dudes

(PAGER BEEPING) Carry the news

Where are ya?

Boogaloo dudes

Stand up, come on

Carry the news


All the young dudes

I want to hear you

Carry the news

I want to see you Hello? Somebody paged me from this number?

Hi, Jeffrey? It's Elanor.

Luke gave me your number. He said I should page you. I hope that's okay.

Yeah, it's okay.

So, um...

What are you doing tonight?

No plans.

We never got it off on that revolution stuff

What a drag Too many snags

Now I've drunk a lot of wine and I'm feeling fine

Got to race some cat to bed

Oh, is there concrete all around

Or is it in my head?


I'm a dude, Dad

All the young dudes

Hey, dudes

Carry the news

Where are ya?

Boogaloo dudes

Stand up

Carry the news

All the young dudes

I want to hear ya

Carry the news

I want to see you

Boogaloo dudes

And I want to relate to you

Carry the news

All the young dudes

What dudes?

Carry the news

Let's hear the news Come on

Boogaloo dudes

I want to kick you

Carry the news

Hey, you there!

All the young dudes

With the glasses

Carry the news

I want you

Boogaloo dudes I want you at the front

Carry the news

Now you, all his friends

Now you bring him down 'cause I want him

Carry the news

Boogaloo dudes

I want him right here Bring him, come on

Carry the news

Bring him Here you go

All the young dudes I've wanted to do this for years

Carry the news

There you go

Boogaloo dudes

How do you feel?

"I Can't Wake Up" by KRS-One

What I want you to do is count to ten









On one You will be asleep


I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm dreaming about being a blunt

I'm running around and I just can't wake up

I'm dreaming about being a blunt

I'm walking around and I just can't wake up

I'm tryin' to wake up I can't wake up

So I run and jump

Someone yelled Get that blunt!

"Get that blunt"? Now I'm thinking this is major

I've got a bunch of people chasing me with a razor

I don't like this dream as a blunt

But I can't get out of it And I can't seem to wake up

So I'm running and racing

Blunt smokers are chasing

This is insane I'm caught by House Of Pain

I'm picked up, they said they gonna put my head out

They slit my back and all the tobacco fell out

Now I'm hollowed wet thin and yes, ready

They poured the shumpang gently and rewet me

I'm in the mouth, yo! I can't wake up

Yo, I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

Check it out, now In the same attire. Here comes the fire

Now they lit it Now I'm burnin' by the minute

Get me out of this Somebody wake me up

I'm still on fire and I'm still being smoked up

Half my body is gone Now they're coming to my head

Now my head is being pinched by Ted-D-Ted

A crazy nightmare I got to go

I got to wake up and I'm passed off to Yo-Yo

Yo-Yo gets respect as a lady

She didn't smoke

She passed me to Showbiz and A.G.

A.G. said, Respect due, see?

He got one big pull and passed me to Smooth B.

Smooth B., although he's talking to Ted-D

Took a hit and passed me to Fab 5 Freddy

Freddy said, "Yo! There's nothing left, Pop."

Looked at me in my face and passed me to Chubb Rock

Chubb Rock said, Yo, Freddy, chill!

"If you ever catch me smoking Just kick me in the grill"

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm a blunt gettin' smoked and I can't wake up

I'm dreaming Subtitle Rip: AVid