Turner & Hooch (1989) Script

The sleeve attaches to the Pendaflex folder between the second and fourth slots from the left.

We've done the same with one of these peel-off stickers, it goes right on the file folder.

Now, each file folder needs to go into its own Pendaflex folder.

You have to make sure it's the appropriate Pendaflex folder.

Why does it have to be on the inside folder and the outside folder?

-The case number? -Yes.

Because it's the key to the entire system.

It also goes on the report. All pages. You punch it with a two-hole punch.

You attach it to the file folder on this two-prong fastener.

That way, nothing ever gets lost.

Now, misdemeanors go in here.

And felonies go in there.

Hey, plenty of room in there.

Why do you think I'm leavin'?

Caseload number's also on the daily caseload sheet.

And today, for example, we have two, count 'em, two calls.

Both of 'em down at the pier.

If we drag our feet, they can carry us through to lunch.

-Happy birthday, Katie. -Thanks, Scott.

Hey, could you give me a call sometime today on the radio?

-Call you? About what? -I don't know. Make something up.

I'm beginning to think the damn thing's busted.

-Police officer! Out of my way! -Mornin'.

-Mornin', Petey. -Dave!

Scott?

Scott?

Scott, I made some muffins for you to take with you.

Oh, you didn't have to do that, Mrs. Remington.

God bless you in that awful city.

We're all hoping that you don't get shot.

Poor boy.

What?

Seat belt, seat belt, seat belt. It's the law.

Thank you.

-Ah-ah-ah-ah. -Oh, come on, man. I can't sit here and smell these without havin' at least one.

All right, all right, all right, all right.

-Just make sure it's just one. -Thank you.

How many days do you have left?

-Three. -Good. Real good.

-Why? Am I getting on your nerves? -Oh, no.

I mean, I really appreciate your showing me the ropes this week...

Lettin' me ride around in your nice, clean car, and treating me like a full-fledged detective.

-Investigator. -Whatever.

But Scott, when are you going to learn to relax?

-I am relaxed. -Mmm-mmm.

I'm not talkin' about the small "r." I'm talkin' about the big "R."

You know, "Top of Old Smoky."

Oh, you mean, when am I going to get laid?

Oh, well, it's already been four times this morning.

I'm exhausted.

Okay, come on, boys. Mama's gonna be mad.

-Mr. Boyett. -Hey, Scott.

How are you doing? I hear we're losing you.

Ah, yeah, 'fraid so, 'fraid so.

This is David Sutton, he'll be replacing me.

-Mr. Boyett. -Come on, boys.

Uh, we came down to tell you that...

That they found your dinghy over in Moss Landing.

You should send somebody to go pick it up.

Yeah, well, thanks. I never thought I'd get to see that again.

Hey, Scott, could you show the boys your badge?

They never saw a detective's badge before.

-Sure. -He's a detective?

Nope, an investigator.

I don't know, Dad. Looks kind of fake to me.

Fake!

Hey, kid, you wanna spend some time in jail?

-Cute kids. -Yeah, well, yeah. Kids.

Need four hands!

Amos!

Amos!

Who's there?

It's me! Scott!

Oh. Let me get a leash on him.

Yeah, do that! Please! Thank you.

Amen.


Hey, hey, hey. Hey, I brought you a muffin, boy.

Here's a muffin for ya. Nice little muffin, Hooch.

See the muffin? See the muffin, Hooch?

Here's the muffin for Hooch!

I brought a muffin for ya! The muffin, Hooch!

Hooch, the muffin! The muffin, Hooch!

Medic! Hooch! Come here!

Amos? Amos.

Let him go, Hooch. Let go of him, Hooch.

Hooch. Drop him. Drop him, Hooch.

I'm sorry, Scott. I don't have the hand strength I used to.

You're okay, aren't ya? Huh? Yeah, yeah, I'm fine.

I was lookin' forward to a nice, quiet cup of coffee, but now I'm awake!

Oh, don't let him see that you're angry.

He has a sense, and he spots and reacts real bad to anger.

What is the matter with him? I brought him a muffin. He knows me!

What, "Know ya"? He didn't even break the skin.

Why, this dog loves ya, boy.

Let's go on up to the house and we'll all have a cookie.

Come on, Hooch. Let's go, boy. Come on.

Doc says I shouldn't give him these chocolate chips.

What do you say about that, Hooch?

I thought so.

Well, I'm here, Amos. What's the complaint this time?

Them. That seafood plant. There's somethin' goin' on over there.

Oh, they're okay, other than a stolen dinghy.

No, it isn't. It's worse than it was before.

There's always some strange noises goin' on at night.

Well, you're always telling me you don't hear like you used to anymore.

Well, I don't hear it.

-Hooch hears it. He tells me. -Oh.

Hooch tells you about it.

Well, uh, you live in a pretty industrial area, Amos.

If you want peace and quiet, I suggest you just move to a nice apartment somewhere.

Me and Hooch in an apartment?

Yeah, that'd be the sight.

I thought you didn't mind comin' down here.

Oh, I don't mind comin' down here.

It's just, I'm leaving on Monday, remember?

Now, the guy who's replacing me, Sutton, he's not gonna want to come down and talk to you like I do, because he's scared to death of your dog.

I can't figure out why.

Whoa, all right! Hey, all right! That's good! Huh?

Yeah, just sit there. Drool over yourself.

Gave 'im whiskey once.

Then he howled all night. Now he sticks to beer.

-You want some? -No. No.

Thank you, I'm not on Hooch's hours.

Well, I really have to get goin'.

Oh.

Movin' up to the big city, huh?

Yeah.

Well, maybe me and Hooch could come and visit.

You? Anytime.

Hooch, Sacramento is the state capital.

I think they have laws against dogs like Hooch.

Stop. It's not that funny.

Sorry, man. I can't help it.

Every time I think about it... I nearly wet my pants!

So do I. That's why it's not funny.

Delta One, Delta One.

Hey, Katie. Turner can't come to the phone right now.

He's got a dog on this throat.

Just say "thank you" and that we're clear.

Thanks for the radio check, Katie. We're clear.

No, it's business, Turner.

Some kids found money on Pinecone Beach.

So far they've counted $8,000.

-All right, we'll be right there, sure. -Katie, we're on the way, pronto.

-Mrs. Harper? -Oh.

First I thought it was play money. They had it scattered all over the road.

-Wow. -Then, when I realiZed it was real, I had them show me where they found it so I could show you.

Do you suppose more money'll wash up here?

-Well, I wouldn't count on it. -Here's how this works.

If no one claims it or identifies it in 30 days, it's yours.

Oh.

I found it. It's mine. She can't have any.

Stop!

Well, I'm confiscating it, and if you do get it, you have to use it for college. It's the law.

See?

We have some forms you're gonna have to fill out, Mrs. Harper.

Yes. Stop that!

She wanted a formal church wedding, and I said fine.

Suddenly, it's two grand for a wedding dress, reception with a full bar for 400, and I'm gonna end up pickin' up the tab for the honeymoon.

They're talkin' Bora-Bora.

There he is now. Didn't you want to talk to him?

Yeah. Ferraday! Want to talk to you.

Ferraday, I'm talkin' to you!

Right there! What's the hurry?


Hooch! Be quiet.

For Christ's sake.

You know, I feel like an ass.

I mean, I take you in, I give you my trust, and what do you do?

You take the food off my kid's plate.

It was there. I just lost my head.

It won't happen again, Mr. Boyett.

Quiet!

Casey, get rid of him. Zack, see if the old man saw anything.

Deal with it.


Hi, there. You get out of here.

-You back off! -I hope I didn't disturb you.

You know, I realiZe we were making sort of a racket over there.

In fact, I saw your light come on over here, I realiZed I woke you up, and I thought I'd better come over and make sure everything's all right.

Well, you just mind your own business. This is private property.

Okay, but you know what? I'm thinking if we disturbed you, I ought to compensate you a little bit.

This is just to make up for any inconvenience...

I don't want any of your money. I've been watching you.

I've been seeing what you're doing over there.

Hey, now, wait a minute.

I can assure you, we're doing nothing wrong over there.

-You get the hell off my dock! -Don't!

No, don't you shove me. You understand?

I'm gonna introduce you to my dog.

Jesus!


Hello. Yeah. Yeah, I am now.

I'll be right there.

-Yo. -Really? Turn around.

The dog was guardin' the body. They had to wrestle him inside.

-Ah, did you talk to anybody? -Nobody heard or saw anything.

Seafood workers spotted the body.

-You ever investigate a murder before? -Are you kiddin'?

I moved here to get away from murder scenes.

Well, everybody's watchin', so let's look like we've done this before.


All right. I got five rolls of film.

Burn it up.

Wait, it's those jerks from the sheriff's department.

Hi, guys.

Hello there, ladies.

We'll call you if we need any help, Turner.

Foster and McCabe. Are we glad to see you.

I need coffee, with cream. Do you take sugar?

-Two sugars. -Two sugars.

That's cute. Look, in the spirit of cooperation, I'd love it if you guys would get the hell out of here. Is that okay?

The pier is ourjurisdiction, guys.

Yeah, but the entire county's the sheriff's jurisdiction. You know that.

This is police work, not a lost bicycle.

Excuse me.

What is this, a joke?

Come on, every little speck of dirt is not evidence.

What are you going to do, Turner? Put the entire pier in a little baggie?

What is that for?

To preserve what's ever underneath the fingernails.

For what? He was stabbed in the back, for cryin' out loud.

You can never anticipate what evidence is going to be important.

You gather it now. You analyZe it later.

Right. Did you read that in a book?

Yeah. Yeah, I did read that in a book.

It was a great big blue book, but I think you would've liked it.

It had a lot of pictures!

Hey, wait a second. We're all upset here.

Why don't we just cooperate? We all get ourjobs done.

Hey, we'd just like to examine the body. Before it decomposes, you know.

Aw...

Just gimme a minute with my guys, would ya, please?

-Not a problem. -Thanks.

Tell ya, Scott, we're gonna have to turn this over to the sheriff's department.

Why? Why? They couldn't find shoes in a shoe box.

Yeah, well, you're leavin' town in a few days, David doesn't have enough experience to handle a murder investigation...

Yeah, but wait. I don't have to be in Sacramento for a whole other week.

I was going to take a vacation. I'll just cancel it. I'll just...

We can handle this. David's a very good learner.

Turner's one hell of a teacher.

What's the point of having investigators on your police force, if all we get to investigate is stolen mailboxes?

Come on. Howard, I got another paycheck coming. Let me earn it.

We can handle this. We won't let you down.

We deserve a shot at it!

All right, all right. Just do the best job you can with the time you got. All right?

All right. All right.

What do we got?

Okay. Well, we're willing to share the lab reports with you, and we'll let you examine any evidence that we gather. Fair enough?

Oh, no. Not fair. Not fair.

Sounds fair enough to me.

Oh, excuse me. Are you goin' in there with just these things?

We do this for a living. Stay out of the way.

Take this stuff. Make sure that these are all eight by 1 0 glossies.

Cut it out! Why? Get goin'.

Get out of the way! Wait!

I got him!

Turn it around. Whoa, whoa, whoa!

Pull, pull, pull! Get him around.

Easy, easy, easy, easy!

Oh, my God! Whoa!

Back him up. Bad dog!

Good boy, good boy.

Come on, this way. Over here, boy.

Whoa! Oh! Oh!

Oh! Whoa! Slow down, boy.

This dog's nuts.

We're gonna have to shoot him.

Hey, you're not gonna shoot this dog.

He's the closest thing we have to a witness.

Oh, yeah? You think you can handle him?

You're nuts.

Where are you goin'?

He just responds poorly to anger, that's all.

-Uh, David! -What?

David, bring the car around. Up as close as you can.

Open up the back doors. And leave the engine running.

Hey, there, Hooch.

Hey, you saw the whole thing, didn't ya?

Yeah, well, Amos is gone now, so... You don't have a lot of options.

Okay? You are either gonna work with me, or they're gonna shoot you.

Come on. What I'm gonna do is, I'm gonna try...

I'm gonna try to make you a little more comfortable, huh?

Oh, don't you just want to think about it?

Huh? Huh? Here. Here. Here. Watch. Watch. Watch.

Uh, how do you do this?

Let me just make ya a little more... There, there, there.

Isn't that nice? Think about it.

Maybe we'll get some nice big chocolate chip cookies.

Yeah. Nice big box of chocolate chip cookies.

The soft kind? The kind with the 22 chips? Want a cookie?

Want a cookie?

Come on, Hooch, get in the car. Come on!

Come on, boy.

You people over there, get back.

Come on!

Come on! Move it back.

He's got it under control. Stay out of the way.

Come on, Hooch. Come on, boy.

Aw, God damn it!

Hooch!

Oh, yeah, yeah!


What, you tired? Huh?

Hope so.

If you are, that's just too bad. Now, look out. Look out.

Come on.

Too bad, all right. Hold on. Hold on. Wait a minute.

Hey, you're goin' in the clinic for a few days, pal.

It's gonna be good for ya. Come on.

Come on! Come on. Come on.

Come on, Hooch. Come... Come on.

Come... Wait a... Whoa! Hooch!

Hooch, no! Stop! Stop! Hooch!

Hooch! Stop! No!

I'll kill ya. No, Hooch!

Hey, what are you doing to this dog?

-Ow. Oh! Just taking him for a walk. -Well, he's bleeding.

My God! How long has he been bleeding?

Not long enough.

You! I'll kill ya.

Hey. Now, I have a front door.

I'll shoot you, Hooch. I'll shoot you, Hooch.

Well, you stay right there.

Fix him up so I can shoot him.

All done. You stay.

What's your dog's name?

Uh, is name is Hooch, but...

Those wounds needed stitching.

-When was the last time he saw a vet? -I don't know.

Well, that's neglect. And it's borderline abuse.

I mean, he's filthy, his diet is terrible, and look, if you cannot...

Well, no, hey, no, this is not my dog.

He belonged to an old man who lived down by the pier.

-Well, then, I want to speak to him. -You can't.

-He was murdered last night. -Oh, God.

I'm Scott Turner, I'm the police investigator here in town...

I know. I mean, we use the same bank. Emily Carson.

-Oh, we do? Oh. Well. -Yes. Yes.

I'm sorta new here, but it's a small town.

So, it's nice to meet you.

-I'm sorry about this misunderstanding. -That's quite all right.

I can't stand seeing animals mistreated.

Can I ask you a question regarding the dog?

Yes. Come in.

There's a good chance, I think, that he was a witness to the, uh, crime.

He may have to identify a suspect. Can he do that?

Yes. Maybe.

I mean, can I show him a photograph? Like a mug shot? And...

You don't know much about dogs, do you?

Well, no, I never had one.

Not even as a kid? No. No way.

Well, dogs don't see in two dimensions.

I mean, he could recogniZe a voice, or a scent, but not a photo.

-All right. All right. -Come on, Hooch. Come on!

Uh, doesn't he have to recoup?

Well, no. He's a little tired, but he's okay.

You're a good dog. Yes.

Boy, you sure are good with animals. Yeah. I'm a vet.

You're buttering me up for something.

Well, I just can't help but think that this dog is gonna be a lot better off with someone like you, than with someone like me.

-'Cause I don't know... -Are you married?

-No. -You live alone, then?

-Yeah. -House, or an apartment?

-House. -Yeah? You have a girlfriend?

-No. -Well, perfect.

-Perfect? Perfect for who? -Perfect for Hooch.

For Hooch... How?

When you're home, he'll keep you company, and when you're gone, he'll take care of your house. You're lucky to have him.

Oh, no, no, no, no. I don't have room for a dog like Hooch.

Not many people do. I gotta go work. Good-bye, Scott Turner.


What? What is it? What? What?

If you're hungry, finish the hamburgers. Eat the buns.

Eat the buns. If you're not thirsty...

You know, you're not touching the water, the orange juice, cranapple.

What is it? What am I supposed to do? Make you a margarita?

Shut up! God!

Shut up! This has been going on for two and a half hours.

Just be quiet!


All right. All right. All right. You tell me what I'm supposed to do.

You tell me what I am supposed to do. What am I supposed to do?

You tell me. What am I supposed to do?

What am I supposed to do, Hooch?

Am I supposed to stand out on the porch all night long?

Give him a Valium, Turner. Take one yourself.

Hey, shut up! I'm a policeman.

Want your car towed?

Man, I hate you.

Oh, no!

Aah! You! Aw, ya stupid dog!

No.

Ah, ya stupid dog!

Oh, you wanna chew my head off? Go ahead.

You'll be trapped inside and you'll starve to death.

That is, if they don't find my body first and then shoot you.

You're in my house. Back off. I'm comin' in.

Back off, Hooch!

Back off.

Back.

All right.

Now, if we're gonna get along, we're gonna have to come to a certain understanding.

All right, these are the simple rules.

No barking, no growling.

You will not lift your leg to anything in this house.

This is not your room.

No slobbering. No chewing.

You will wear a flea collar.

This is not your room.

No begging for food. No sniffing of crotches.

And you will not drink from my toilet.

This is not your room.

This is your room.

The rest of the house is mine, and when I come back into my house, I like to find everything where I put it.

Everything in its place. Now, you don't touch my stuff.

And I certainly won't touch any of yours.

Well, this is the room to do that.

This is your bed.

You follow these very simple rules, shut up, we'll get along fine.


Hey, Scott.


-So what does it tell you? -Not much.

I never read an autopsy report before, and I'd just as soon never read one again.

Autopsy report's the cornerstone of any homicide investigation.

And this one tells us that the perpetrator probably had special combat training.

-Where did you see that? -Right here.

"The murder weapon penetrated the body between the third and fourth ribs, "at an upward angle

"entering the right lung at a depth of two inches, -"severing the pulmonary artery." -I read that.

The victim was stabbed from behind on the right side of the rib cage, which would make the killer right-handed.

Yeah, yeah. But you're missing something.

Now, you stab somebody in the heart, they can still scream.

But you penetrate the lung, they can't even let out a whisper.

They're trained to do that in special forces.

Well, that wasn't in the report. How did you know that?

I'm a professional investigator. It's my business to know these things.

Besides, I called the coroner and he told me.

Say, fellas.

How much do you think we could get for all of the furniture here in the office?

Or I got a better idea, how about we sell a couple of squad cars, startin' with yours first, Turner?

-Is there a problem, Howard? -Well, yeah. There sure is.

I mean, the county crime lab wanted to charge me $7,280 for this stuff.

Now, suppose I send all of this in, who do you suggest I lay off? Hmm?

Katie. Katie wouldn't mind making the sacrifice, would you, Katie?

-I've sacrificed enough for you... -Oh, hey!

We'll thin this out, Howard. I'll go through it. Don't worry.

I'll thin it out. Howard. It's fine.

Oh, no, no, no! You're eatin' the car!

Don't eat the car! Not the car!

Oh, what am I yellin' at you for? You're a dog.

Don't understand a word I'm sayin'. What does it matter anyway?

This car is gonna be David Sutton's in a couple of days.

Here. You hungry? Here. Here's an ashtray. Eat that.


You know, it's a terrible thing about Amos.

I'm lockin' my door tonight, for the first time in years.

Now, don't do that. We'll catch the guy.


Is this dog food? It says turkey and bacon.

Oh, yeah. You know, people love their dogs, so they want a variety.

What kinda dog are we talkin' about here?

Very, very, very big. Very large, very tall.

Very, very wide. Massive. Ugly.

Ah-ha. Well. You don't need this. What you need is...

This!


I don't even like the dog, Kevin. Why would I get him a toy?

Because dogs like to chew, Scott.

I mean, it's either chew this, or your furniture or your shoes.

-It's up to you. -Okay.


Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

At the Imperial raceway in San Rapello.

The world-class semifinals of the NRDA funny car competition!

Sunday, Sunday, Sunday!

I'd like to thank you, Kevin, for taking all this time away...

-No, no problem. It's my pleasure. -Dog shampoo.

Wait, wait, wait, wait. That's regular, no.

What you need is, yeah, medicated. There, that's what you need.

Let's see. Flea, tick, wormer...

Scott! Scott! In case of bad breath, regular, or minty?

Thank you, Kevin.

-$97.51 . -$97.51 ?

What? Is that pesos?

This is for a dog. This is dog food. $97.51 ?

I'm not gonna eat this stuff!

Did I buy smoked salmon? $97.51 !

How much if I take this back?

I'd like to talk to Kevin. Can you call him, please? Kevin!


You get off of there. Off!

All right, that's it. I'm gettin' my gun...

My rod, my piece, my iron, my heater, my gat, my lead-hurler!

Do not come back!

Oh, wow. Wow.

That dog's got a lot of guts. Either that, or he's stupid.

No! You are out!

Out. Out for good. Forget it, I wish it was snowing.

No, no. I wish it was hailing.

I wish it was hailing, God. Send me hail.

Hail the siZe of cantaloupes, if you're a just and fair God.

No!

Cut it...

No. I'm runnin' out of doors.

Oh, no. No. She cannot spend the night.

Get back. Get back.

You, you go ahead. Not you. No, no, no. Come on.

Not you, just her. Get back in the car.

Wait a minute, what am I doin'? What am I doin'?

Go ahead, Hooch. Go ahead. Go. Go!

Go. Go. Go ahead. Go, boy, go.

Follow her. Follow her, boy. She wants ya, man!

This is why she's doin' this, so you'll follow her. In. In. In.

Go in, go in, go in.

Hi.

Scott Turner, right?

Yeah, I was lookin' for my dog. Have you seen him?

Yeah, I noticed. You know anything about fuses?

-Electrical fuses? -Yeah. Can you come in?

For two minutes? Just two minutes.

-A fuse box? Sure. -Come in.

-Bedroom light is on! -Huh? What?

-What? -Bedroom light is on!

So tell me when the bathroom light goes on.

Mmm, all right!

Hey!

-Hey! -No, not yet.

Look, thank you, but...

Your lights are on. This is going to take you all night, you know.

No, actually, I just quit.

You were just gonna leave it like this?

-Yes. -Oh.

I mean, I'm gonna start again tomorrow, but...

Well, you don't have to help, but there's a couple of rollers there, and an extra brush.

-This really bothers you. -This would make me nuts, yeah.

It's harder to cut it in a big town than it is in a small town.

-Aw, that's a crock. -Oh?

In a big town, you're anonymous. You make your mistakes, no one sees it.

Who cares? In a small town, you got to look everybody right in the eye.

Oh. Well, there's a lot more to it than that.

Well, that's true. You'll probably have better luck with women.

Women in big cities outnumber the men, so they're more desperate.

Thank you very much.

You know, if you have opinions about anything, I want to encourage you to express them.

Don't be shy. Just blurt them right out.

-Well, you're better off here. -Oh, yeah?

It's a wonderful town to raise kids in.

-Well, I don't have kids. -Well, I want five kids.

How about a dad? Have you got a dad picked out for these five kids?

-No. Not yet. -No?

Well, let me fill you in on the Cypress Beach singles scene.

God, I hate that phrase, "the singles scene."

There's Embers Cocktail Lounge.

Or, what else? I guess, well, the Dairy Queen, but I usually arrest guys my age who are hanging out at the Dairy Queen.

Course, you're pretty opinionated, and you want to have those five kids, so...

-That I am. -And we are...

-Yeah. -...finished.

-This is good. -Yeah.

-Doesn't it feel good? -This feels very good.

-Huh? -I got to admit it.

-Here you go. -Oh, thank you.

Thank you.

You have paint all over you.

It's even up in your hair.

Look at you. You don't even have it on your hands.

-Spotless. -Yeah. Yeah.

I have some packing that I still have to do.

Right.

-Well, it's a nice night. -Yeah.

And I have to walk Camille. Do you want to take a walk with me?

-No. No. -No?

No, no, no. Well, you see, I'm starting to like you.

And if we go on a walk, I'm just going to like you even more.

And then, one day, we might even end up in love, and everything will go along fine, for a while, but then, one day, bang, you're gonna call me a selfish, compulsive bastard.

You're going to pull your hair out, you're gonna scream, and you're gonna say you never want to see me again, because I drive you craZy.

And I'm left shattered. Now who needs that? Good night.

Hooch!

What time do you want to tackle that hallway tomorrow night?

'Bout 7:00?


Good night, Houdini.


Okay, boy. Guess what? It's time for a bath. Come on.

Come on. Come on.

Time for a bath. Let's go.

Oh, baby. Up.

Come on. Come on. Come on.

Ugh!

Ah, ah!

No, no, no, no. Okay. Get in the tub. Get in the tub.

No!

This is why man will prevail, and your kind will never dominate the earth.

This is what you can do if you've got thumbs!

Huh? Move around. Move around. I don't care. There you go.

Oh, what a ferocious dog!

Get your armpits here.

Get your undercarriage.


If I leave you in the car, you're just gonna eat the rest of it.

Come on.

Oh!

-Turner, what the hell is that? -Come here.

You can't bring a dog in here.

Uh, can you, uh, lift up this desk?

Something different about you.

I like to think so, yeah.

Oh, I know what it is. No tie.

This is the first time since I've known you that you haven't worn a tie on the job.

-Turner? -Yeah?

The dog's in the window sill.

Oh. Hooch, get down from there.

Hooch.

Well, what can I do, Katie? The dog loves weddings.

Hooch, knock it off.

Hooch, shut up.

Shut up, Hooch. Come on, shut up!

I think you ought to get the hell out of here.

Be careful!

Ooh!

What is it? What's the matter?

Dave! Police officer! How ya doin', Petey? Dave!

Right behind you.

Hooch!

Folks, don't panic! Don't panic!

Hooch! Stop!

Hey, fellas, what the hell are you doing?

Hooch!

Hooch!

Damn! Ever see that guy before?

No! I can't see his plates. I don't have my glasses.

Hold it! Police officers. We need your car.

Hi, Ernie. Come on, buckle your seat belt.

-Buckle my seat belt? -Buckle the seat belt!

I can't find my seat belt!

We gotta stop and get Hooch!

Come on, boy! Come on, Hooch. Get in the car. Get in the car.

In here. Good boy. Good boy. Come on, Hooch. Watch his tail.

My mom is gonna kill me.

She told me not to take this thing over 40. It's brand new.

She's gonna kill me. I'm dead.

Calm down, Ernie. Gotta do this to break it in.

Your mom will thank you for it. Hang on, hang on.

He's stepping on my mom's groceries!

Slap him across the face and he'll stop.

Ugh! Ugh!

All right. All right. What is that? It's a black Cadillac.

What is the license plate? I can see the car.

Oh, uh, uh, uh...

Wait. P-K-I. P-K-I.

-Okay, P-K-I. -No. "B."

-No. It's P-K-I. -It's a "B." B-K-I.

-Shut up! -Shut up, Ernie!

-P-K-I. -P-K-I.

-R-K-I-5-4-7. -R-K-I-5-4-7.

-All right, that's right. R-K-I-5-4-7. -Romeo, kilo, India, 5-4-7.

All right, hang on, hang on. He saw us! He saw us! Come on!

Come on!

-Which way? Which way? -I think he went right.

-Right, right! I'm sure it's right. -Well, don't guess!

It's right, okay?

Go right! Right!

Highway patrol hears about that, I'm out of a job before I even start!

Hey, Turner, don't worry about it. It'll be our little secret.

What's the matter with your mom? She can't get a car with some muscle?

Well! You boys really livened up the reception.

The bride burst into tears and swore she was gonna have nightmares the rest of her life because of that dog.

Fortunately Boyett thought you were trying to capture the beast.

The mayor did too.

I, of course, did not tell them it was your runaway pet that had now become the station mascot.

Don't raise your voice around him. You'll just set him off again.

-Come on. He's chained to a radiator. -That doesn't matter.

Zack Gregory is a former marine with three arrests on his record, assault with a deadly weapon, transportation of unregistered firearms, and extortion. No convictions.

Monterey PD says that address and phone number were false.

Well, who is he?

The guy Hooch was just chasing. The man he saw kill Amos Reed.

You're kidding.

-Think this is the guy? -Yeah.

-What? -Gee.

Congratulations. You broke the case.

Well, we don't have him yet.

Yeah, there's no motive, Howard.

Amos wasn't killed in a robbery or a pattern crime, or in a fight.

We think maybe he was killed to cover something up.

This Zack guy is employed by Boyett seafood.

Now, Amos was always complaining about strange noises down there at night.

Like something illegal was going on.

Hmm. Katie, could you swing the door open, please?

We're gonna need some air in here.

Amos complained about everything, Turner.

Yeah, and now he's dead, Howard.

I think we need to assume that he was right.

Now consider it. It's an isolated spot down there.

There's fishing boats going out and coming in all the time.

Now somebody's killed?

Drugs, Howard. I know we don't have the personnel, and we'll never have a warrant with the stuff that we have so far, but it sure would be nice if we could search that place.

Yeah, all right. I guess I can handle that.

I mean, Boyett's a friend of mine. What's he gonna say, "no"?

Yeah, D.E.A. agents, customs guys, the C.H.P., two shifts of our own guys, plus all sorts of local cops.

This is gonna be the biggest search in the central coast since what?

Since probably World War II, and it's all because of you.

We're gonna go through Boyett's like bacon through a duck and bust us a smuggling operation.

This is dessert.

Chocolate chip cookies. Chocolate chip.

Something to drink?

It's not gonna hurt me at all if we impress some of those C.H.P. guys.

That's gonna look good on the resume.

Give me maybe a little job security in the future.

Nothin' wrong with that.

There you go.

Well, come on, you're not eating. Go ahead.

Go ahead. This is a celebration, Hooch.

You I.D.'d Zack Gregory. Amos's murder is all but solved.

So go.

Open your beer.

What? You're thinking about Amos?

Huh? You must miss him.

Yeah, well,

I forget sometimes that this must be pretty hard on you.

Everything's so different.

You and I got off to a pretty bad start, and my place isn't exactly a rusty shack filled with junk.

Not yet, anyway. You can keep working on it.

Okay?

Hmm?

You like that?

You like that?

You do! You like that.

Well, here, let me do this side as well.

Huh? Huh?

You're not so rough.

You're not so mean.

You're not any kind of a monster dog, are ya?

Ooh! Ooh! Ooh!

Look at those big teeth. What are you doing?

Give me back my towel. Give it to me.

All right then! Come on!

Come on! Come get this thing!

Get it! Ha! Ha-ha!

I got it!

Oh, yeah! Yeah!

You're on the couch.

Well, if any of my employees are involved in anything illegal, I'm happy to cooperate. I just don't understand it.

When was the last time you saw Zack Gregory?

Yesterday at the wedding. He didn't show up for work last night.

Well, the Monterey police checked out his address.

It was a motel, and they'd never heard of him.

He shows up for his paycheck, I'll call you.

All right, let's go, guys! Come on!

I don't want any of the sheriff's department guys handling this stuff alone.

Let's make sure one of our guys is with them all the way.

Gee, I hate fish.

Okay, let's check in the back.


Move these filing cabinets out, then go through these one by one.

Maybe we came on the wrong day.

Howard, I apologiZe. I'm sorry.

I really let you down.

Come on, forget it.

Can't expect things to pan out every time, can you?

Besides, you got a newjob waiting for you.

Why don't you go home and pack up and get ready?

David, the case is now yours.

Foster, the guys in Monterey told me you sheriffs did the initial go-see on Zack Gregory, but the D.M.V. says they sent his vehicle registration on the black Cadillac to the LaZy Acres motel.

So I'm just trying to determine how you discovered that it was a false address.

What did you do, just call them up on the phone?

You didn't even go down for an interview?

You didn't show them a photo?

Well, all right, look. I need surveillance done on the LaZy Acres motel to locate Zack Gregory.

Yes, he's the prime suspect in the Amos Reed murder, that's why.

Yes, he is, he is legitimate.

I have an eyewitness, kind of.

I am not telling you how to do yourjob.

I am a law enforcement officer, and you are too, kind of, and I'm asking you for a professional courtesy.

Don't hang up on me!

What a dumb cop.

Scott Turner.

Oh, hi, how's the town vet?

It just keeps clicking around inside my brain, what Amos told me about that place, that there's something going on.

I don't know. I can't figure it out, and I can't stop thinking about it.

Maybe you should.

No. Stop thinking about it.

Well, when I have a problem that I can't get anywhere with, sometimes I just think of something completely different, and then that's when a solution comes, bang, just like that, out of nowhere.

Well, that's fascinating.

I don't work that way, all right?

-Well, try. -Well, no, I can't.

-I don't know how. -Well, I'll help.

I'm thinking about something else.

-What am I thinking about? -Oh, don't.

-Indulge me. -Don't, don't, don't even...

I don't know what you're thinking about.

Great.

So you've never thought about it?

Never thought about what?

Oh, oh, oh... Thought about that. Well...

-Well. -Yes, I'm a guy, yes.

Yeah, I've thought about that.

How far did you get?

Well, you know, I got to unbutton the top button of your blouse.

I got a lot farther than that.

-You did? -Mmm-hmm.

How far? A lot farther?

A lot farther.

I didn't know there was farther than that.

Well, you have to use your imagination.

-Well, then that's got to be illegal. -Probably is.


-Ew! Right from the carton? -Mmm.

Oh, God! A woman in my house. How'd that happen?

Hey, how's your back?

Well, it's regained some of its elasticity, I'd say.

Yeah.

-Well, this thing is empty. -Mmm-hmm.

What are we gonna do about it?

Well, most of my grocery budget's been blown on my dog, -but we could manage... -Those eggs?

-Perfect omelet. -Oh, that's great. Go to it.

Well, um...

No. No, no, no. No, no, no.

No, I think "we" was the operative word there.

-No. Oh, geeZ! -Oh, well!

-Oh! You look very lovely in the light. -I don't do this.

That's where it all happens.

-We have cheese. -Oh, come on.

-I'll mess up your kitchen. -I'm not gonna cook for you, woman...

-'Cause you wore me out. -Did I?

We could call for piZZa.

Don't. Don't. I'll walk you through this, doctor.

That's an omelet pan right above you.

Aw, geeZ. You have a pan just for your omelets?

There's a whisk and...

Oh, no.

-I'm hungry too. -Come on. I'm doing it.

I'd like to eat some time in the next five hours.

-Is this happening? -There you go, and great.

Now, mix that up and then we'll throw in the other stuff.

No, that's stirring.

This is how you mix. This is how you mix.

Oh, my God. Do that again, would you?

You like that? Oh, yeah.

You feel so... Feel so good.

You smell so good.

Oh!

Mmm!

-What? -Oh, Jesus, of course!

Oh! They're not bringing something in!

How could I... Oh!

Oh! The thing!

-The thing that I wasn't thinking of it! -Oh, the thought.

-Yes! Bang! -Oh. I told you...

Hits me right... That's never happened to me.

I gotta get another look inside that place.

-They're smuggling something out! -Why did I open my mouth?

So does this mean I'll be eating alone?

I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry, but yeah.

I'll tell you what. I'll make it up to you tomorrow night.

Have you ever been down to that Italian place down in San Rapello?

They make a lasagna down there.

It's not a great lasagna, but it is a good lasagna.

I make better, but do you want... You want to go tomorrow night?

So, you're gonna be here another night?

-Oh, yes. -Well...

Oh, yeah, yeah. Yes.

Yeah, another night... At least.

Hooch! Come on, boy.

-He's outside. -What is he doing outside?

-With Camille. -Listen. Would you clean this stuff up?

When you're done? All right?

Just... Leave it. Never mind.

It's all right. It's all right. I've got it.

-Oh, God! What time? -7:00.

I'll meet you here.

I'll meet you here! Hooch! Hooch, come on, boy!

Hooch, put that down!

Come on!

This your first stakeout?

It's mine.

Mmm.

It's gonna be a long night, so what do you say we prepare for it, huh?

Try to stay alert.

Shall we? Want one? There you go. Special treat, all right?

Mmm! Whoa.

That's good.

They're hard.

Well...

It's not bad.

Tastes like health food.

You can have this.

Ah, ah, ah, ah. Back in there.

Now, back to work.

It was called Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp.

It was like, you know, like The Man from U.N.C.L.E. or something.

Did Amos have a TV? It was two-dimensional. You couldn't see it.

It was these chimps, and they were supposed to be spies, and they were dressed up in suits and stuff, and they'd wear hats, and smoke cigarettes and talk like that.

You missed it. It was good.

The Man from U.N.C.L.E. was good, though, too.

That was a good show. It was a cool show.

It was on Mondays at 9:00.

But it wasn't Lancelot Link: Secret Chimp.


What does that do for you, huh?

That feel good?

Wake you up a little bit, huh?

I guess you have to be a dog.

Mmm. Maybe I should have.

I had... I had the enlistment papers all filled out.

And all that kind of stuff was sent, but I had this thing with distance vision...

So no flight school for me.

If you're in the Air Force and you're not in flight school, it means you're scraping bird shit off of some runway in Guam for two years.

So... Here I am.

I'm boring you.

It's my apple. I got you something.

Here.

I got you a diet coke.

Diet 'cause... Look at that.

Gotta start working on that.

You know, we've... We've known each other for a while now.

I think it's safe for me to say.

Are you aware of your drooling problem?

I mean, it looks like you swallowed a tennis shoe and you've got the laces hanging out.

It's... You know, it's a bit embarrassing. Don't you think?

Maybe you could save that. Is there a use for this stuff, like as an industrial lubricant or something?

Ew.

Good God.

I won't even say what you're doing to the car.


-Hey. -Did you bring it?

Yeah, I brought it.

You do know that we have to take it back?

Yeah. Yeah, we'll take it back. We'll take it back. Come on, Hooch.

Come on. There you go.

Listen, I saw Boyett leave, so let's get this over with before he comes back.

Wait a minute. What about getting permission?

-David, why don't you relax? -Relax?

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. There's something not right here.

You got that look in your eye.

-I don't know what you're talking about. -Oh, yes, you do.

You humped the vet. "Humped the vet."

Humped the... You have a lot of class.

I happened to have a religious experience with the future Mrs. Scott Turner, who happens to...

Yes. She holds a doctorate in veterinary medicine.

Get that ugly mutt out of here.

Sorry. We're police officers.

This is a police dog, and we just want to have a look around.

-You were here yesterday. -The dog wasn't available yesterday.

This dog is a big problem. He's a major health code violation.

I don't understand what the hassle is.

I spoke with Mr. Boyett. He said he'd be happy to cooperate.

If he said it's okay, then I guess it's okay.

-Thank you. -Liar.

-What? -Boyett didn't tell you that.

He sure did. Yesterday.

Come here, boy.

Okay, Hooch.

Let's find some money, huh? Can you?

Can you find some money? Huh? Huh?

Smell it. Smell that money. Find me some, okay?

Yeah, find some for me too, Hooch.

Go find it, Hooch.

What makes you think these things are connected?

You know why I took that job in Sacramento?

Yes. Because nothing ever happens in Cypress Beach.

But what has that got to do with anything?

There's been two unusual events in town all year, Amos's murder, and $8,000 found on the beach.

They happened a day apart from each other.

Now, maybe there's a connection. Maybe there's not.

What is it, Hooch?

What, you got something, boy? What is it?

What you got? What'd you get? What is this? What you got, huh?

Look at this. This is a perfect match.

It's the same siZe. It's the same brand, everything.

That's a good boy.

Oh, yeah.

-Way to go! Good going. -All right, you guys.

I just talked to Mr. Boyett.

He never gave you permission to bring a dog in here. He's furious.

And I hope he sues the crap out of you.

We're done anyway. Thanks very much.

Come on, boy. Come on, Hooch. Here we go. Come on.

You know, I could get fired over this.

It's fine for you. You have anotherjob to go to.

Me, I happen to like a town where nothing ever happens.

Don't worry. I'll take the blame for it.

I'll talk to Boyett and I'll work it out with him, and then I'll call Howard as well and do the same.

All right, what should I do?

We need to find out how common these plastic bags are, if you can just pick 'em up in a supermarket, or if they're a special order kind of thing.

So check out all the businesses, stores, things like that.

Then park the car, turn off the radio, take a nap.

'Cause if you're in on what I'm doing next, you will get fired.


You stay in the car.

...think so, skipper.

Skipper! Mary Ann and Ginger! What about them?

We gotta warn them about the professor!

No vacancy.

Speak English, moron. No vacancy.

If you ain't got a warrant, get lost.

-You know him? -Never seen him.

Come on, now. I don't have a lot of experience being one of these intimidating policemen.

-I've never had to threaten anybody. -You're breakin' my heart.

So, in order for you to take me seriously, I guess I'm just gonna have to shoot you in the leg.

Yeah, sure you are.

You almost shot me!

I can't believe you done that!

I can't believe I missed. Now, where is Zack Gregory?

Put the gun on the counter.

-Zack Gregory? -I believe so.

Go over to the Cadillac.

You drive.

Hey, a seat belt? Oh, yeah.

Think that's gonna keep you safe?

Start the car. What are you doing?

All right, now start the car.

Now go out here and turn left.

What are you doin'? Slow down.

Careful! Look out!

You're not gonna do it.

You don't have what it takes.

What, kill you? You're right. I don't. But he does. Hooch!

It's an interesting sensation, isn't it?

I'm just gonna ask you some questions, and you blink once for yes, and twice for no, okay?

Once. Yes. Okay, good. You killed Amos Reed.

I don't believe you. Hooch says you did.

"Yes." Okay. Progress. Good.

Now, the seafood plant, you're using that as a cover?

You're smuggling money, cash, out of the country? Yes.

Okay. Hmm. This is fun, isn't it?

Boyett's in charge? No?

I can't stop him from snapping your neck in two. Is Boyett in charge?

Is Boyett in on it?

All right.

I'm sorry. Sorry.

Here. Back this way.

All right, I'm just gonna make you a little more comfortable, that's all.

All right. Good. Now, let's sit down.

Let's sit down.

Hooch!

Come on, boy.

Keep an eye on him for me, would ya?

What is this in your pocket?

Oh. Thanks.

Okay, now, Hooch. Is there any way I can get you to understand this?

I need you to cover the back. Do you understand?

I need you to cover the back.

You know, the back, the back... The backyard.

The back door. The gate.

The back... The back of the building, okay?

Please?

Cover the back.

What a good dog.

-Oh! You scared me. -I'm sorry. Sorry.

-Are you all right? -Yeah. Yeah, I'm fine.

-It's nothing. -I got here as fast as I could.

I mean, I can't believe it's Boyett. You were right.

Where's the backup? Where's the backup?

-Where is everybody? -Huh? Oh, yeah.

I got four cars out on Carpenter Road. They're ready any time I signal them.

Okay. So...

-You ready? -Yeah. Yeah.

Looks like we missed 'em.

Yeah.

Hey. The engine of this forklift is still warm.

So it looks like we just missed 'em.

Because you tipped 'em off, didn't you, Howard?

What are you doing? What's going on here?

You got backup on Carpenter Road, you better call 'em in.

Come on, use the radio.

Now, Turner, come on. Scott, hey. It's Howard.

Look, look, look.

I know you and Boyett are laundering money.

You've got the perfect setup here.

This small town where nothing ever happens.

Built-in police protection.

I even know how you're doing it.

No!

That's all the evidence I need, Howard.

It's just a matter of who's gonna sell you out first, Zack or Boyett.


We got him pinned between us!

-He's on your right! -Cover me!


No!

You hit my leg.

All right, lace your hands behind your head.

-Don't turn around. -Howard.

He's still got his pistol.

Howard, what are you doing?

Scott?

I'll kill you if I have to.

But obviously this is going to be a lot easier to explain if we both have the same story.

What?

We came here to question him and he fired at us.

He killed your dog. We fired back. Killed the suspect.

Congratulations. You solved the case.

You know, I met some people when I was in the army in Panama, and they needed a secure way to get cash out of the country, so Walt set it up, and I got one percent.

-It's drug money, Howard. -I don't know that.

I never asked where it came from.

I'll tell ya, it's a damn shame that people are getting killed over this thing.

When I found out about it it was too late. Do you believe me?

How do you explain Amos's murder? I just covered.

Zack killed Amos. Boyett told him to do it.

Boyett's dead. The case is closed. It's all true.

Now, you gonna work with me on this?

Sure is a lot of money, Howard.

Yeah, I'll work with you.

Tell the truth.


Hooch.

Hooch, Hooch, Hooch.


Come here. Keep these on. Come here.

Hold that there.

Use pressure to stop the blood.

You'll be all right once we get you home.

Once we get you home, you'll be all right.

What you need is some rest.

Keep your hands on his face. He can smell you.

-That's right. -Yeah.

You'll be all right.

Change it when it gets soaked.

That's right.

Just hold on, pal.

You okay?

He's gonna be all right. He'll be okay.

He's lost a lot of blood.

It's okay.

It's all right.

Good boy. That's a good boy. Good boy.

Just gotta get you home and just get you some rest, that's all.

Hold on, chief.

Hold on, boy. Come on, boy. Come on, pal.

Good. Good.

You'll be okay, chief.

All I have to do is get you home, just get you some rest.

You're gonna be okay. You're gonna be okay, chief.

Come on. Come on.

Come on, boy. Come on, chief.

That's it?

I'm sorry.


Wait, wait, wait, wait a minute. Come on, now.

They may not drive well, but we try to keep them a little bit clean here.

I'm sorry, man.

-Let's go. Come on. -Ready?

Seat belt. Seat belt.


Oh, ho! Stolen bicycles from the high school.

Congratulations. How'd you know to look here?

Hey. I'm a professional investigator. It's my job to know these things.

You got a tip.

I got a tip.

You solved the case. It feels good, doesn't it?

Chief, your wife just called the station.

Quote, unquote, "He's out, "and if you're not home in five minutes, you're hamburger."

-Turner, you need my help? -I can handle my own domestic crisis.

-Wait a minute. Here. Take my jacket. -What?

Wrap it around your throat.

-Good luck, Chief. -Good luck is Scott's.

What's going on? I'm home.

Help! I didn't get my nap.

I didn't... I didn't get my ice cream cone.

And he set them off again.

You know, these are perfectly nice puppies and then he gets them going and they're like...

-Where... Where is he? -I'm done.

-Where is he? Where is he? -I'm done.

-He's upstairs. He's yours. -I'll take care of it.

-I'll take care of it. All right. -You deal with it.

-Professional veterinarian. -Excuse me?

-I told you this wasn't going to work. -I told you!

No, I told you.

All right, I'm a little tired of this, but let's go through it again.

No barking. No growling.

No eating of the house plants.

No dogs allowed on the second floor at all.

No playing of my records.

No sniffing of crotches.

No drinking out of the toilet.

You will not beg for food.

No ball playing in the house.

No chewing or slobbering of my shoes.

You will not hide from me.

This is not your room.