Uncle Drew (2018) Script

NARRATOR: Deep in the concrete canyons of Harlem, New York stands a basketball court where the legends of the game are born.

Rucker Park.

Between the lines of this battleground, a great many tales of warriors have come and gone.

But there was one player whose talent soared far above the rest.

His name, Uncle Drew.

-So good. -Incredible.

Like, scary good.

-Dominating. -Dangerous.

-Best of the best. -Bananas.

I mean, you knew he just brought things to the game that the game had never seen before.

Changed the face of basketball.

Drew been dangerous since birth.

My pops played him one-on-one in the seventh grade.

He broke my pop's ankle.


True story. Gym teacher gave him a "D."

You know, he'll show you one trick, then beat you with another trick.

Shakin' people's sneakers off. They fallin' out the trees.


[IN ENGLISH] He was a bad man.

He went to one end of the court, shot the lights out, went to the other end of the court, shot it back on again.

Man, he was good enough to be the logo.

INTERVIEWER: Wait, I thought you were the NBA logo.

It's actually Uncle Drew. They just shaved his afro off.


One time, he took on "The Destroyer" and beat him only with his left hand.

And then, hold on. Wait for it.

With his right hand, he was eating a ham sandwich.

Was there anyone out there better than Uncle Drew?

NARRATOR: With word of Sandwichgate and Black Ankle Sunday both spreading like wildfire, Uncle Drew and his childhood friends shot to the top of the first Rucker Classic in '68.

But it was not long before it all came crashing down.

It had to be something concerning him and a female. We knew that.

Uncle Drew and the ladies? [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

Man, the rumor was Drew slept with one of his teammate's girl the night before the finals.

And when it came time to play in the finals, they were all a complete and total no-show.

And after that he just disappeared.

NARRATOR: Despite the mysterious disappearance of its greatest player, the fabled park is still the epicenter of the streetball universe.

The question is, will this year's Rucker Classic see the birth of a new playground legend?




Give me that.

-CASPER: Yo, what's up? -What was that?

Hey, what's the problem, man? Mario was open.

Maybe Mario was open, maybe he wasn't. But you know what

-the problem with that is? -Huh?

Mario. Hey, I don't know what you doin'...

-Close your ears! -Mmm-hmm.

Mario is terrible. Okay? Look at him.

I just told a grown man to cover his ears, -and that's what he just did. -Coach, what are you saying?

Grab the ball, Casper.

-You are my Beyonce. Okay? -Beyonce?

Not Dantay, not White Dantay, not Regular Jeff, not Little Melvin, not Little Melvin's stunt double.

Okay, they're just Destiny's Children.

You are the star. You are my Queen B.

-All right. -Let's make Lemonade,man.

Score the rock.

All right, now look here, everybody.

I'mma say this once. Nobody else shoot the ball.

-Just Casper. Let's go. -[BLOWS WHISTLE]


Dax Winslow. Sal Masekela, SlamMagazine.

-[LAUGHS] SlamMagazine, huh? -Yes, sir.

You mind if I get a couple of sound bites?

Do I mind? No, you shoulda been talking to me.

-[BOTH LAUGH] -Um...

How does a guy who works at Foot Locker get a beast like Casper Jones to play for him in Rucker Park?

[LAUGHS] Game recognize game. He's the best player.

I'm the best coach.

We gonna take it all.

I'm telling you, this dude is amazing, man.

Put me and Casper on the cover.


-You know who that is, right? -DAX: Know who who is?

-Who Mookie Bass is. -[SIGHS]

SAL: A.k.a. that Macklemore-lookin' dude that's makin' eyes at your meal ticket, man.

The hell is he doing here?

-Hey, what's up, Dix? -[FRIENDS LAUGHING]

First of all, you know my name is Dax.

A "bag of Dax" don't make no sense.

[SNIFFS] What is that? What's that smell?

Is that a grudge?

Are you still holdin' a grudge 'cause I blocked your shot?

I have no recollection or even know what you even talkin' about.

Okay, let me refresh your memory, then.

You're about to hit a three-pointer.

Outta nowhere, a little white boy comes up...

Bam! Blocked that shot, I think, with my armpit.

Well, but I do remember, there was that Spalding...

You didn't even jump that high. So like nipple...

It was high enough that I could see your face like this. You were like...

Okay, stop! That's not... I didn't do that.

What are you doin'? Stop.


Casper, take it from the top. Do something, y'all.

Defense, Dantays, figure it out.

Casper Jones, huh?

Could you just literally give me some space, man?

Yo, you seen this tat though, right here?

That's the one where I blocked your shot and won the game.

And then these are the only ones that really matter.

Bam! Seven of nine Rucker Championships.

But don't you worry, Dix.

I got plenty of length on my Dax for the next one.

I don't care. I don't wanna hear about your man junk.

Is there a point to all this?

Yeah, I guess my point is, when you have a history of winning as many titles as I do, cats like Casper Jones, they have a way of gravitating towards you.


So I'll see you when I see you, Dix.


Hey, Casper. Hey, man, let me talk to you real quick.

-What's up, coach? -We good, right?

You know what I mean? Me and you.

-Yeah, we all right. -Do you need anything?

You know what'd be dope? The new Space Jams.

They are amazing. They pretty expensive, like $225.

-Straight fire, though. -They fire.

But you know what? [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

I just thought about it.

I sold the last pair this morning.


The good news is, in another week and a half, we get new stock, and I got a pair just for you.

-Okay. I like that. -Yeah. You like that?

Yeah, yeah, we all right.

I got you, brother. So it's me and you, we good?

-Yeah, we rollin'. -You with me.

-I'm with you, dog. -Forever.

-Forever. -Dax and Casper.

-Yeah, you my bro. -All right, man. I love you.

-Love you, too, man. -We good, right?

-Yeah, no doubt. All right. -[LAUGHS NERVOUSLY]


WOMAN: Don't worry, Dax.

Don't worry, Dax. We'll find you a family.

-Yes. -All right!

WOMAN: We'll find you a family.


Yes! Yes!

ANNOUNCER: [ON TV] Oh! What a move by Jordan!

Jordan with the moves!

Man, what an inspiration!

Just listen to the crowd! They love him!

They love him!

They love him! They love him!


Yo, can we run with you?

YOUNG DAX: Yes, yes.





MAN 1: You need to be on the bench!

MAN 2: He's worthless! WOMAN: You suck, Dax!

MAN 3: You need new glasses! MAN 4: He's the worst!

MAN 5: You suck!

Dax, that was unbearable!

ANNOUNCER: Dream sequence...


Boy, you better than cable.

Look, you wouldn't even understand, okay?

It's terrible.

Dreamin' about that little white boy slappin' that ball out your hand?

-Now, how do I look? -You look expensive.

Man, you know I can't afford Gucci on my salary.

Which is why when you and Casper win the Rucker and the $100,000 check that come with it, we'll be just fine.

Baby, I thought that 100K, we was gonna use to start a family.

[EXCLAIMS] I want a Tesla.

I would look so cute in a Tesla.

And I'd have the little screen on the side and then I could be like, "Boop, boop, boop, boop!"

And all my homegirls gonna be like, "Look at Jess killin' 'em in a Tesla."

[CHUCKLES] Well, I mean, this sounds like a beautiful, beautiful dream and everything, but I didn't hear my name one time.

You didn't say, "Oh, Dax was in the Tesla with me."

Baby, you gonna be there, too.

It's gonna be me and you, and we just gonna be one big happy family.

I love that.

Well, don't let the ghost of white boy past scare you out of gettin' this money.

You win this game, and you win this money, and bring it back home.

-I'm motivated, baby! -Whoo!


Bam! That's right. These shoes right here are classic.

I wore these shoes last night, little man, and I had a quadruple-double.

-Look. -That's right.

I didn't want to say this, but he isn't even that good.

[WHISPERS] Why would you say that about your baby?

Are you a stepmother or something?

-You the real mother? -Yeah.

You shouldn't...

Oh, you know something?

Matter of fact, Larry, help her out.


-Hey, baby. -Oh! Hey, girl!

I thought we were goin' to lunch today.

You right. We supposed to have lunch.

Yeah, I'm very hungry.

I been shoppin' all day. Look it. [LAUGHS]

I know. Look, do me a favor, babe. Just give me a second.

Just go look at some shoes or something.

Do they got them new RiRis?

RiRis, BeeBees, whoever you need, it's over there.

Do they got 'em? Because, you know, I do not wanna be shoppin' unless I can get them new RiRis.


'Cause she a savage, too.

You a savage and you fine.

-I'm fine? -Yeah.

Well, boy, you better shut up.

Over there, look at those RiRis, you know what I mean? I see you, boo.

-She ready. Yeah! -She ready.


JESS: Oh. Do you see the RiRis over here?

Yo, my main man, Casper. What up, brother?

What up, Dax? How you doin', man?

The myth, the legend in the makin'.

Hold that thought.

Man, I'm confused. I thought these were out of stock.

Bruh, the truck came this morning and dropped off a new stock of shoes.

I was gonna call you.

So you gonna hook us up, then?

Oh, so you want me to get shoes for everybody.


This dude, and this guy...

If you can't do it, I got plenty of people that...

I got you. I'mma take care of you, and your whole squad.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, that's a lot better.

DAX: Taxes included.

After I put in my employee discount, which will probably get me fired...

The total is $833.50.

Everybody, it's on Dax.

It's on... It's on Dax. Shoes for all y'all.

Oh, hey, Casper.

Oh, hey, baby, how you doin'?

Good, how you doin'? [LAUGHS]

Oh, baby, that's our meal ticket right there.

Oh, my goodness.

Let me show you what I found on Zillow.

I found a really cute brownstone.

Two bedroom, hardwood floors...

AUTOMATED VOICE: Transaction denied.

[SIGHS] Damn it!

-Excuse me, what's goin' on? -Damn what?

DAX: Marty, don't worry about it.

Aw, hell no.

If the money for these shoes that just magically flew out of here don't come up in 60 seconds, you and Miss Belly Out goin' to jail.

What the hell you talkin' about?

First off, I didn't do nothin' wrong, so I ain't goin' to jail.

But thank you for noticin' that my belly's out.

Come here, come here, come here.



That kid that just left here...


He's gonna change our lives forever.

50 percent.

I mean, at the most, I could do 49 percent.

MARTY: You got 30 seconds, brother!

All right, 50 percent.


It's nice doin' business with you, boo.

50 percent. I'm gettin' 50 percent.

Marty, did you hear that? 50 percent.


Yo, yo, yo, yo!


Look at this, man. Fresh off the presses, y'all.

Harlem Money, you see that?

Come on, y'all, look!

Go grab your jersey, come on.

MOOKIE: I didn't know you got money for second place.

Hey, man, what the hell you doin' here?

Why don't you enlighten this fool, C-Dawg?

-C-Dawg? -I'm C-Dawg now.

New team, new nickname.

-Wait, what? -Wait, what?

That's what I said to him. I was like, "C-Dawg, don't you wanna be coached by a dude who looks like an M&M?

What about a dude who looks straight up like a basketball?

-[PLAYERS LAUGHING] -Like a Syracuse Orange man."


I've spent my life savings just to get in this tournament.

I gotta give my girlfriend half the winnings or she's gonna leave me.

I took three buses and a train just to pick up those jerseys.

Those Jordans, man! You know how much that cost me?

Yo, by the way, thank you for the kicks.

They are mad expensive.

There was no way I was gonna buy 'em.

All right, boys, let's roll. [BLOWS WHISTLE]

DAX: Come back here!

Dantay! Other Dantay!

-Casper, take off those shoes. -I'mma hold these.

DAX: You hear me, Casper?

Take off those shoes!

And comin' in at number one onSportsCenter's "Not Top Ten" list...

With the Rucker 50 right around the corner, we have a meltdown from New York City.

I'm told the man you see here is a coach named Dax Winslow.

And, Dax, the good news is you're onSportsCenter. The bad news is...

JESS: Dax!

What's up, girl? What'd I do wrong now?

VAN PELT: [ON TV] I have so many questions.

You're rolling around on the ground, trying to take somebody's sneakers off their sweaty feet?

Is this your team? Are these even your players?

Come on, man!

Dax, this is Rucker, man. Have some respect.

Damn you, Scott Van Pelt!

Give me the shoe, Casper! Right now!

VAN PELT: ...flopping around on the ground like fish.

Everything gonna be all right, okay?

I'mma figure something out.

I can't do this anymore.

Excuse me?

Do you think that I'm countin' on you?

'Cause I'm not. No, I was counting on Casper.

And you lost him. You can't even do that right.

Go in there, pack your stuff up, and leave.

You can't just kick me out our house.

This is my apartment.

Do you even remember the last time you paid rent?

Okay, every Taco Tuesday, who buy the $2 tacos?

Don't nobody care about no damn tacos!

Okay, I paid the water bill

-that one time. -Get out my house!

Jess, I ain't got nowhere to go. You know?

I didn't have no family. And then I met you.

And you took me in. And you changed my life.

Baby, we in this together. You're my everything.

Please, just let me stay here and figure things out.


Hey! Don't leave with my bag, fool.

Where I'm supposed to put my stuff?

Leave with what you came with!

Fine, I'll give you back your stupid, fake bag.

It's not stupid, you stupid.

My bag is smarter than you!


Give my shoes back! [LAUGHS]


VAN PELT: [ON TV] This is Rucker, man.

You're supposed to have some respect.

You're rolling around on the ground... trying to take somebody's sneakers off their sweaty feet?

I know y'all think this is all fun and games and stuff.

But I used everything I got on this tournament.

Did you get a receipt? Huh?

No, man, the money's non-refundable.

That's cold.

This a perfect opportunity for Dax to meet Uncle Drew!


Don't start that in here with the old and the Uncle Drews.

You're trying to throw a toothpick in a lumberyard.

The man is the greatest blacktop player I ever seen in my life.

He's real. I've seen that boy put up

40 points against The Destroyers.

Using just his left hand and his chin.

His other hand, he had a ham sandwich with extra cheese on it.

And mayo. He likes mayonnaise.

Okay, come on, man, that's just like talking about Bigfoot.

Bigfoot. You can't compare Bigfoot to Uncle Drew.

Son of a bitch used to date my sister.

He used to date my sister and my mother.

He actually hit

-my eighth grade teacher. -Ooh!

Ain't none of my business what that man does in his bedtime.

I know he had a foot fetish.

All right. The '60s was a wild time. Okay? So what?


Remember them Buicks?

Everybody had them damn Buicks.

You'd ride around, had them big old back seat.

You can't move your hips.

But you can still move your lips.

Hey, I ain't gonna go no further.

All you need is some Viagra, and some dress socks.

ANGELO: Ain't have no damn Viagra back then!

You had to get two ice-cream sticks and a rubber band to make the stuff stand up like that.

I don't have time for this, man. I gotta go.

Hey, whoa, whoa. Hold on, Dax, hold on. Now, look.

You need to go holler at Uncle Drew. Okay?

He's a Zen master of basketball.

But you gotta believe.

Hey, look. Maybe he was good.

But you think this old man can still ball? Come on, bruh.

I'm good, man. I gotta find some players, man.

You'll be sorry, Dax. Don't do that to yourself.

Get with Drew! Get with Drew!




Welcome to the jungle, baby.

Get out of here. Go corner, corner, corner! Corner!


Over here, over here, hold on, son!

OLD MAN: See, that right there, that's the problem with your generation.

Million dollar move and a five cent finish.

J: You haven't made a shot yet.

-Come back! -Come on!

-I was open. -I had to shoot it, man, I've taken out trash that don't stink as bad as that.


Dr. Naismith would be rolling in his grave if he knew what these bums is up to out here.

You talk a lot of smack for a geriatric.

It's a shame you can't back any of it up.

[SIGHS] And who's to say I can't?


All right, then, what's the bet?

If you win...

I'll leave the park and I'll never come back.

J: Good. BALLER: Real good.

But if I win, you and your crew start playing the game the way it's meant to be played.

Oh, how's that? On a peach basket?


It's like a perfectly orchestrated symphony.

-J: What? -[GROANS]

Not any instrument is more important than another.

And what's in it for you?

Love, youngblood. Only love.

What is this dude talking about?

What the hell does that even mean?

-[PLAYERS LAUGHING] -What are you talking about?

Hold my nuts.

-[CROWD LAUGHING] -J: Hold your nuts?

BALLER: Hey, J! Look at this dude out here.

Everybody off the court.

Get off the court, man. Get your big behind off the court.

Hey, man. Give him the business.


Ball up.

Hey, young fella, you better watch that.

Aren't you gonna get in your stance?

I am in my stance.


J: Don't worry, grandpa.

Gonna have you home in plenty of time for NCIS.

OLD MAN: Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey. For the show I know though, even a bum ain't as broke as your jump shot.

-Give it to him, J. -Prove it.

You wanna see it rain?

Let it rain.

J: Raindrops. 2-0.


Next basket wins it.

It's getting to be about that time, ain't it?


Yeah, give it to him.

This game is over.


It's time for you to change your PIN number.

'Cause you just got robbed.


-OLD MAN: Come on back. -J, come on, son!

OLD MAN: You want me to tell you your first mistake or your second?

What's the matter, you forgot the score?

One. You got too cocky.

There's a fine line between confidence and arrogance, youngblood.

Come on back. Come on back.

And then, two, you're giving up your lead hip.

You might as well unlock the door and have your wife show me where the china is.

I wouldn't do that either if I was you.

BALLER: Come on, J! No, no!


He cookin' your boy.

Man, you need to go back there and play with them kids, man.

I get buckets.

Shut up, old man.

Go on, youngblood.

Check ball.

This game is all mental. All mental.


Hand down, man down.

-Anybody got a GPS? -BALLER: Come on, J!

You know, gonna need a whole new zip code on that one.


Game point, youngblood.


You ready?

Yo, I'll give you that.

BALLER: Nah. Nah, don't give him that.

You still don't believe, do you?

BALLER: Get your hand up!

No, don't give it to him. Don't...


MAN 1: Don't do him like that, Uncle Drew!


Good game.

MAN 2: Who is that dude?

Hey! Hey! Hey!


Oh, my God, man.

That was a pretty amazing show you put on back there.

It was one of the greatest things I've ever seen, honestly.

How're you doing? M-my name is Dax.

I'm not interested.

I haven't even told you what I'm trying to do.

Okay, okay.

You can't believe someone that looks like me can play like Jordan, Magic, or Bird.

You want to take advantage of that.

See if you can cash in somehow. I know your MO.

What? No, no. You got me all wrong, man.

Look, I just want to talk to you about the Rucker, you know?

The Rucker?

You don't know nothing about no real Rucker, youngblood.

Exactly. You right. I don't know anything about the Rucker. A lot of us don't.

But someone like you could help us, man.

We could combine the old school with the new school, right?

Like a old school, new school remix.

Where you can educate all the youngbloods who are lost in their way, right?

And show 'em what they're really doing wrong.

You can do that.

Is a lot of lost youngbloods out there, huh?

It is so many lost youngbloods out here, it is ridiculous.

If I could help them, I would, but I don't know, because I'm lost, too.

Okay? And that's why we need you.

Look, look, look. Perfect example.

This is, this is who you are.

You a lonely lighthouse in a sea of fog.

I actually kind of like that.

-I like that. -That's good, ain't it?

Yeah, yeah, that's good, that's good.

That's what I'm telling you.

You are coming to the rescue, man.

You get a chance to teach this in front of a bigger audience.

At the Rucker. [WHISPERS] The Rucker.


The Rucker would be nice.

I'll tell you what. I'll do it on one condition.


Anything you want. I don't care what it is. I got you.

It's gotta be my team.

My boys.

Okay. Anything but that.

No. Because it's my team.

Yeah, I guess we done here.

Dax whatever... [MUTTERS]

Okay, okay, okay.

I'm in, okay? My team. Your roster.

It's my team, my roster.

Look, where you goin'?

It's a long drive to Chocolate City.

Wait, Chocolate City? What's in D.C.?

Preacher. He's the best power forward I ever played with.

I mean, you don't know no local power forward?

Somebody that stay in the neighborhood?

Here she is. Yeah.

You know, so if Billy Dee Willams and Diana Ross had a love child, it would've definitely been inside this van.

Go on and look way back there.

Go ahead. Take a look. Take a look way back there.

That right there is the boom boom room.

Boom boom room come with one rule.

No shoes in the boom boom room.

So, I could wear shoes throughout the rest of the part of this van, but if I go a couple feet back, I gotta take my shoes off?

Why do I gotta take my shoes off back there?

And I can leave my shoes on, like right here?

It's the same space.

Well, it's the living room, and then it goes to the boom boom room.

See, that don't even make sense because it's a van.

Everything is right next to each other.

Let's go over the rest of the rules.

No, but I'm saying that don't...

Hey, don't be slamming my door.

-Oh, I'm sorry about that. -[GRUNTS]

Hey, man, you just did the same...

Now, let's go over the rules.

One. I'm the pilot. Means I steer the ship.

Two. I'm the weatherman. I control the heat.

Did you just say heat?

I don't know if you know.

It's the middle of summer, so maybe you should...

Three. Don't be questioning one and two.

Can't help it if I'm running a little cold these days.

Four, I'm the DJ, which means I control the music.


DAX: What's that? Is that a Game Boy?

-Electronic book? -Mmm-hmm.

-You gonna see. -[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, yeah! You hear that? You hear that?

-That's a eight track? -You hear that?

[SINGING ALONG] Come on, come on take a ride That ain't no jive Can't we just go to Chocolate City?

Don't even have to drive Can you at least turn down the heat?

Slippity-slide My glasses are sweating.

Just sail on That's what I do Just sail on, that's what I do How you dancing like that in a jogging suit?

Are you not hot?


I'm really creeped out.

Gotta get the boys.

I gotta turn up the heat a little bit though. Yeah.

DAX: Please don't turn the heat up!


DAX: We've been listening to this song since this morning. It is nighttime!

-[R&B MUSIC PLAYING] -Oh, yeah.

-Mmm. -Ooh! [LAUGHS]

What you know about this, Drew?

I thought this was gonna be a boring road trip.

You got the classics playing, man!

What you know about the classics, youngblood?

I know a lot, man.

How did you get Biggie Smalls on a eight track?

That's crazy, man! Junior M.A.F.I.A.!

Junior what?

You know what I said. You know who they are.

[RAPPING] To all my ladies in the place With style and grace, allow me to...

-Okay. Okay. -[TURNS OFF]

New rule, youngblood.

None of this rappity-hippity-hop nonsense.

You understand?

What you mean rappity-hippity-hop?

That's not what it's called. It's called hip-hop.

My car, my version.

Talking about styling. What is that?

First of all, I can tell you don't have style.

'Cause you always got on jogging suits.

Talkin' from the hustler with the fake chains.

These are real. I got these for my birthday, -so go about your business. -Yeah, right. Those cost...

-Three checks! -Those cost

-fifty cent a piece. -Three checks!

My teeth cost more than that.

This is real music. Now listen to the words.

MAN: [SINGING] At least as far as I can see UNCLE DREW: Oh, yeah.

[SINGING ALONG] Can see, I want to keep you here Laying next to me That's what I tell my girls in the boom boom room.

Love between the sheets Ooh, this is my favorite part. Go ahead.

-My baby, ooh -Okay. I'm sorry.

-Baby, baby, my love -I'm sorry.

Stop sing... You're ruining it!

First off. Watch your tone.

Look, here we go. Just listen to it. Give it a try.


Come on.

You see how quick I did that? I just pushed play.

I ain't have to take out an Atari cartridge

-and stuff it in the radio. -Okay, okay. Pause, pause.

-How do you pause it? -[MUSIC STOPS]

Okay, youngblood.

There ain't gonna be none of that nonsense here in my car right now.

You gonna call this nonsense.

This is one of the greatest MCs of all time.

Yeah, what about the Isley Brothers?

I don't know too much of their history, -but I'll Google it later. -What is Google?


DAX: Hey, man, is this a church?

UNCLE DREW: Heck else it's gonna be?

Did we road trip all the way out here to pick up an actual preacher?

You got a problem with that?

No, I don't have a problem with it, man.

But I thought it was, like, a nickname, like "Hot Sauce" or "Crazy Legs" or "The Glove."


PREACHER: Amen. Amen, Amen.

We're gathered here today to bear witness

[SING-SONGY] to the anointing... Ha!

The christening... Ha!

The blessing... Ha!

Of this young rookie soul.

And it is with the purity of heart we pray that he will one day grow to drive the paint...

Why is he holding him like that?

...crash the boards of moral righteousness.

No, no, please, no.

My man Kevin Durant started a new beginning in Golden State.

You preach, Preacher.

He's gonna dunk a baby.

[SINGING] One for the money Two for the show Three to get ready


Whoa, whoa, wait, wait!

Hey! Man! What are you doing with that baby, man?

You can't baptize a baby. You cannot do that.

-You cannot... -Hey, Dax.

-Dax, sit down. -Drew, let me go. I got this!

That is a baby, okay?

You christen a baby, right? You hold the baby, right?

Maybe splash a little water on his face.

He gonna cry a little bit but no big deal.

You don't dunk a baby in a baptismal pool.

What type of parents are y'all to let this really large man pick your baby up?

He did it like this.

He put your baby behind his back.

You gonna let this man Steph Curry your baby?

That's insane!

Uh, maybe the midget's right.

Yeah. Can we have our baby back?

Is there something I can help you with, son?

Dax. Give it a break.

-No! -Sit down!

I'm not sitting down, Drew! I'm taking a stand.

-All right. -Thank you.

All right, I warned you.

Where you from, son?

I'll tell you where I'm from. I'm from New York City, okay?

Look here, Tiny Tim.

Took me almost an hour to fill up that pool.

Somebody's getting baptized, you understand?

Dunk this potbelly Teletubby!

You can't talk to me like that.

Y'all wanna baptize him?

-ALL: Yeah! -What?

Bring him on up.

Dunk him like a fat donut.

-Dunk him, Preacher. -What are you doing, man?

-That my boy, Drew. -Mmm-hmm.

Drew, you gotta make him take one for the team.

For the team!

No, no, no.

Gonna have to take one for the team. Oh, yeah.

What you mean, "Take one for the team"?


Drew, just like back in the day when we used to hoop, you could still throw the alley-oop.

Thank you for throwing me this lost soul.





One last run at the Rucker?


50th anniversary.

You know this is more than a 50th anniversary.

This here, divine intervention.

I wouldn't call it all that.

I'm gonna have to run it by Betty Lou though.

Run what by Betty Lou?

Drew's putting the squad

-back together. -Yep.

You forget what happened to you, Preacher, when you get between them lines?

No, no, no. I just ain't laced 'em up in a while, that's all.

And there is a reason for that.

Quick question.

What exactly is "a while"?

I mean, is that like a few weeks or...


-35 years. Still nice, though. -35 years.

Wait, 35 years? Come on, man, that's ridiculous.

Our little hobbit is right. It's ridiculous.

It's God's work that matters now. Not basketball.

Just because it's God's work, don't mean it's not still work.

His work is never done.

Now, I've had about enough of this.

Book of Psalms, chapter 62, verse one and two.

Fool, please. Book of Psalms, chapter 23, verse four.

[SING-SONGY] Ephesians five, chapter 22, boom!

Book of Betty Lou, chapter one, verse "I said so."

You heard the woman. I can't go.

One, it wasn't no black hobbits, right?

And, two, that is one mean churchwoman.

She ain't supposed to be calling me ugly like that.

Okay, and I'm handsome.

I'm the short version of Idris Elba.

The ladies say it all the time, man.

And is he even coming?

-He's coming. -How do you know?

Basketball is in his blood. Same as it is in mine.

Both of y'all old as hell, okay?

And I at least saw you play first.

I need to see him shoot at least.

Youngblood, you can't teach seven feet.

What you mean you can't teach seven feet?

-What are you talking... -Hallelujah!

Man can only take so much nagging before he done had enough.

I told ya.

He could have got in here without yelling

"Hallelujah" in my ear, right?

Preacher, you're supposed to take your shoes off in the boom boom room.

You're gonna tell me the rules of the boom boom room?

I'm just trying to make sure we're clear, that's all.


Spoke too soon.


DAX: Why are we slowing down?

Light just turned red.

So? Run it, fool! You know how worked up she can get.

UNCLE DREW: Oh, no, I ain't trying to get no ticket now.

BETTY LOU: Preacher!

I know you in that van!

She got a baseball bat in a church dress?

I am Betty to the Lou.

They don't even know who they messing with.

DAX: Don't you know any players that don't require a road trip?

And what's the deal with Betty Lou anyway?

It's just one weekend.

Is it me? Or is it nippy in here?

It ain't just you.

What is wrong with you two? I am melting over here.

Good. Looks like you could stand to lose a few.

Is it just me, or is little man's head abnormally large for his body?

Hey, youngblood, how much does your neck hate your head?

-Big head, little neck. -Funny jokes.

He was a baby bobblehead doll.

Wobble, wobble, wobble.

Actually, my head is the most normalest size you could think of. I've measured my head.

Well, you sure got some little ass ears then.

Mama deserve a purple heart, passin' a melon that big.

Anybody else use a disco nap?

See, now that is a good idea, Preacher.

My eyelids been heavy all day.


DAX: Seriously?

These two are unbelievable.

You good?

PREACHER: All set.

Still a little nippy in here though.

That's strike two, youngblood.

The next one, you gonna be riding on the roof.

Not with that big ass head, he can't.

Too much wind resistance.



Hey, Preacher, can I ask you a question?

Can I say no?

What happened to y'all back in the day, man?

Why did all y'all disappear?

Gotta ask him that.

So, Drew, what happened in 1968?

Nothing a few Ws can't fix.

You really think basketball could fix what happened with you and Big Fella?

Why not?

Play the game the right way, it fixes everything.

You say so.

Come on, man. Okay, could you get a jug or something?

You really love basketball, don't you?

What's there not to love?

Basketball's the most reliable thing in the world.

Don't complain, don't ask any questions.

You bounce it, comes right back up.

What about you, youngblood? You ever play?

Nah, not really.

Why not?

'Cause I don't.

What's that supposed to mean?

It means what I said, okay? I just coach, all right?

-I don't believe you. -I don't play, okay?

All right. Well, you're up.

Wait a minute, I thought you was the pilot.

I need you to co-pilot for a spell.

Address is on the dash.

Don't mess up my car.

PREACHER: Aw, snap!

Prostate ain't what it used to be.

DAX: How many times you gonna use the bathroom?

Jesus, man. Need like a built-in toilet in his shorts.

ANNOUNCER: [ON TV] Now, please enjoy the latest in sports.

NEWS ANCHOR: Let's go to Rucker Park where our man, Scoop Jackson is interviewing seven-time winner, Mookie Bass.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

Scoop Jackson at the Rucker 50, Harlem, USA.

Here with my man, Mookie Bass.

-Damn, Mookie. -So, why do you keep doing this, man? You have a history of just winnin' and winnin' and winnin' this.

When is it ever gonna stop?

Hey, that's a great question, Scoop. It's like, "What keeps you motivated?" You know what I mean?

And for me, it's a rivalry.

Its power is derived from rivalry, you know?

-Seriously? -What is your source of power?

When Thomas Jefferson sent car keys up in the sky, and then it got hit by lightning, and that started the first car.

This don't even make sense.

Now, I'm no scientist, so don't quote me on this.

Although I do have a degree from Trump University.

But every power has a source for that power.

So, what's your source, then?

He know who he is and we'll just leave it at that.


Shoutout to Pepsi. Shoutout to Oberto.

Shoutout to Aleve, the number one painkiller in the game right now.

And there it is.

I'mma just get out of here.

SCOOP: Rucker 50, Tournament of Champions, all going down in three days, here in Harlem. Three days.

I'm coming.

MOOKIE: Three days, you going down, Dix.

DAX: Damn, there's a lot of trees.

Hey, man, you're not kidnapping me, are you?

I'm serious. I saw the movieGet Out.

The only reason I'm still in this van

'cause you're a old black man. But if you was white...

Drew, could you tell your girlfriends to get across the street?

Something I can help you gentlemen with?

Looking for an old friend.

First name, Wilbur, last name, Wallace.

You mean, Lights?

Check the D&B across the street.

He likes to get his shots up before lunch.

Yeah, that is Lights. [TAPS TABLE]

See, that's what I am talking about.

Somebody actually practicing.



MAYA: Yeah, that's it.

-Swish! -Oh, that was all net.


-Good job. -Boom, baby!

MAYA: Buckets.

Girl, you should've seen me back in the day.

-[GAME BUZZES] -Whoo-hoo!

Well, how'd I do?

It's the highest score of the year, Lights.

LIGHTS: That means you buying drinks, right?

That's exactly what that means.

Means she's too nice to tell a old turkey like yourself the truth.

Wait a minute.


-Lights. -Drew!

What's going on, man?

I'm right here, I'm right here.

What's going on?

Okay, now.

How's the release?

Oh, come on, Drew. Just get me to my spot.

Once a shooter, always a shooter.

What do you mean, "Once a shooter, always a shooter"?

This dude shot nothin' but bricks.

Damn, Preach. I didn't even notice you over here.

Who else did you roll in here with?

He's right there.

Hey, man. Brother! Okay, this is my personal space.


DAX: Now, I got a question, because I've been seeing a lot since I've been here.

Are you blind?

Legally or actually?

That don't even make any... You know something?

I'mma... I'mma chill out.

Drew, can I talk to you for five seconds?

Yeah, yeah. You chill out.

Trying to find my boy, Boots.

Oh, I'm Maya. Boots is my grandfather.

Oh. Boots. Great to meet you, Maya.

Where's the little shrimp, anyway?

Not good, Drew. Not good.

MAYA: Grandpa.

Grandpa, you have some friends here to see you.

Right over there. You want to say hi?


Heads up, little man.

-Yeah. O.G. -[GASPS]

PREACHER: He still got it. UNCLE DREW: Yeah.

There he is.

How you doing, Boots? Ah, man.

PREACHER: Band back together, huh?

UNCLE DREW: Nah, I love you, too, bro.

-It's good to see you now. -[GRUNTS]

Hey, little lady, everything okay?

It's just been years since he smiled like that, and even longer since he tried to stand.

Excuse me. You said this man hasn't walked in years?

Yeah. A lot of years.

Look here, Drew. I ain't trying to break up your bromance, brother, but, come on.

It's no time for that, youngblood.

Gotta get Boots here packed and ready to go.

I'm sorry. Packed for what and ready to go where?

You didn't think that we was gonna leave here without him, did you?

Okay, look, Drew, right?

-Uncle Drew. -MAYA: Uncle Drew.

Can I just talk to you for a second over here, please?

Okay, here's the deal. I am all for him getting a break from this place

'cause, quite frankly, I could use one, too.

But his doctors have him on a full psychiatric lockdown.

So, that means no trips.

Just means we gotta break him out.

No, that's illegal.

Break out? Do you even hear yourself?

You are insane!

You're the coach, ain't you? Figure it out.

Now, look, everybody. Just like on the court, -it's all about timing. -Okay.

And I got the plan. Here we go.

Lights, I need you to go in, and I need you to distract these nurses here and here.

Once that happens, Preacher, I need you to go in and penetrate. Right?

All the way to the psych ward and set a back pick...

-What is a back pick? -...on the security guard.

But make sure you do that, a good pick.

A good forward does a good pick, and that's what I need you to do.

Once that happens, Drew, you're my all-star, brother.

I need you to sneak in there, right, and get Boots undiscreetly...

-Undiscreetly? -...take him to the freight elevator all the way to the roof.

You know he's in a wheelchair?

Once you get to the roof, guess who's there? Me.

Your boy. I'mma have a rope...

-Rope? -What do we do with that rope?

We tie the rope securely on the wheelchair.

We will lower him down

-nice and slow... -Whoa, lower?


Who is it?

You know, I don't mind you being here, but I had to draw all this up for you just to roll down here on your own?

Look, just get in the van.


Pure magic.

Think I don't know what you're up to, little man?

You think you're slick, don't you?

This ain't nothing but a full-court press.

I'll just take your rook, boom!

Hold up. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

-Run that back, man. -[LAUGHS]

Run that back. Double or nothing this time.

Double or nothing this time.

DAX: So, you sure you really wanna do this?

You know, this van is full of old people, and it's already smelling like pee and Poligrip.

That is true. But I wanna see my grandpa happy, you know?

Why do they call your grandpa Boots?

Well, it's an interesting story.

He wore the same worn out pair of kicks every time he stepped foot on the court.

He refused to play in anything else.

He would tell people that they were his work boots.

You know, I think it's really sweet what you're doing for them.

We all need something to look forward to, even if it is just a pipe dream.

What do you mean, pipe dream? Uncle Drew is the real deal.

Yeah, but you don't actually think they could win, do you?

I mean, that's what makes it so sweet, is that you're doing it anyway.

You're basically just setting

$5,000 on fire to see them happy.

If you ask me, that's pretty noble.

Exactly who I am, you know? Dax the Noble. [CHUCKLES]

We got a blind guy, a guy who can't even walk, and a preacher who still keep a perm in his head.

What's wrong with this next guy?

PREACHER: You wanna tell him or should we?

DAX: Tell me what?

UNCLE DREW: Don't even worry about it.

Oh. Sure you don't want us to go with you?

Some songs are best sung solo.

Dibs on the van if he actually kills you.



Hold stance.



[IN ENGLISH] Remember, my young grasshoppers, without the proper focus, you will never truly master your mind and body.

KIDS: Yes, Sifu.


BIG FELLA: It is also important to remember, without a good defense, your offense means nothing.

KIDS: Yes, Sifu.

Now, go in peace. Get out of here.


PREACHER: Look like a scene out of Game of Death.

All these years, and you still ain't figured out that the best defense is good offense, huh?

It's good to see you, Big Fella.


-Oh, my God, they're fighting. -What happened?

-Okay. -MAYA: Go get him.

Drew got knocked out, man.

I got to be the getaway driver.

I brought my driving gloves.

That dude is a giant.

Best drop step in the business.

Sup, Big Fella?

That sucker punch is the first free throw you ever made.


Putting the team back together.

I can't do that unless you're on board.

How about we play one-on-one for it?

Can't always play your way out your problems.

It's worked out pretty good so far.

-Has it though? -DAX: Okay, okay. Hey, hey.

Time out!

Large karate man, excuse me.

You look like Wolverine's grandfather.

That's none of my business, that's your look.

Okay, I get it. Uncle Drew is annoying.

He's been getting on my nerves for the last few days.

So, you don't have to do this for him, that's cool.

But what about the rest of these cats?

One last time around the block, Big Fella.

What about Lights?

In the van with Boots.



I'll sweeten the deal for you.

You can do whatever you want to this man.

-Wait, what? -You can slap him, you could karate chop him, you can nunchuck him.

Knock him out again, kick him.

Okay, you can have a step show on his old ass body.

I don't care. But come play with us, man.

Come on, man.

I mean, what does that mean in kung fu? Is that a yes?

Yeah, he's coming.

Yes. We got a giant on our team!

And I hope he can play basketball.

Hey, man, what are you doing, man?

You ain't supposed to be behind the wheel.

I'm the getaway driver.

What you mean, you the getaway driver?

Dude, we ain't rob a bank.

I got this, young fella, I got this.

Oh, come on now, Lights, you know you're not supposed to be driving.

Come on, man. Not even a block or two?

No, no, you can't drive.


Is that who I think it is?


-Where the hell she come from? -[FUNK MUSIC PLAYING]

-What's happening? What? -Betty Lou is happening.

-Come on. -Why are we scared?

-Who is Betty Lou? -That's my wife.

I wasn't supposed to leave the house.

Come on, Lights. You gotta get out the car now.

-LIGHTS: Drew, it's stuck. -Wait, where is Big Fella?

Come on, we gotta move.

Shut up, I'm not talking to you.

UNCLE DREW: Come on now, Betty Lou's coming.

-BIG FELLA: Who? -Betty Lou's coming.

I'm gonna kill him.

Lights, don't worry about the seat belt.

-I can drive? -Gas it before she kill us!

Not a scratch, you hear me?

I got you, Drew.



-LIGHTS: Buckle up. -Punch it, fool!

LIGHTS: Whoo-hoo!

DAX: You're going the wrong way!

You're going in reverse!

-[LAUGHING] -Lights, turn, turn!



LIGHTS: One voice, all right?

Ears can't take all that hollering.

PREACHER: Incoming!


DAX: You got a old pickup to your left. Just curl around it like you're jumping off to your spot.



UNCLE DREW: Brace for impact!


Jesus, take the wheel.

-Pull over! -No!

You don't know who you're messing with, hobbit!

I'm not a hobbit, lady! I'm a man!


Hit the freeway! She won't drive on no highway!

Spin it to win it.



LIGHTS: Oh, y'all want me to keep driving?

ALL: No!

LIGHTS: I thought I did okay myself.


[SIGHS] Here goes nothing.




Let's go, ladies. On the bus. On the bus.

Hey, hey, Coach. Excuse me.

How you doin', man? Dax Winslow, brother.

Are these girls just wearing uniforms just to be wearing them? Or are they any good?

You're not from around here, are you?

Two time, back-to-back state champions.

I got $100 that say my guys right here could destroy these prom queens.

You got life insurance policies on these guys, right?

Hopefully, you got their parents' permission.

It would be impolite of me not to take your bet.

-$100, man. -Sold.

Look, guys, we need to practice, okay?

What do you mean? Right now?

Look, this might be the only opportunity we get.

What about Grandpa?

You know he can't actually play, right?

Yeah, I figured the little hobbit could take his spot.

Look here, Papa Smurf, okay? Nobody asked you.

And, look, if we just gotta play with four people, then we'll do just four-on-four.

We got one day, one damn day, until the Rucker.

We need to be prepared. Meet me outside, guys.

Come on, Big Fella.

COACH: Let's go, Trojans. Match up, now.


BIG FELLA: Pass the ball.

I'm open! Pass the ball!

LIGHTS: Yeah, Preach.

-[LAUGHS] -PREACHER: Oh, yeah.

LIGHTS: Make it rain!

PREACHER: [GRUNTS] That's a ladies' ball.

BIG FELLA: I'm open.


Come on.

COACH: Wait a minute.

Come on, guys, come on!

-Get down. -BIG FELLA: Pass the ball.

-Hurry up! -Move those old bodies!

BIG FELLA: Let me get some of that.

COACH: Wave me over. Match up.

Up top, up top.

LIGHTS: Oh, this is bringing back memories now!

-Got this. -[COUGHS] Goddamn!

LIGHTS: Big Fella!

You mother...

Not exactly what you were expecting, huh?

No, they are garbage.

Yeah, but they're smiling.

I mean, that's gotta count for something, right?

Look at these guys. I mean, Lights couldn't make a basket if he had a braille trail to it.

LIGHTS: Raindrop!

Big Fella and Uncle Drew, they're talkin'.

-You're not open to me. -Pass the ball, Kobe.

Come on, guys!

UNCLE DREW: I got it.

LIGHTS: Lights out, baby. Wait a minute.

You see? That's good basketball.

BIG FELLA: Barbeque chicken, barbeque chicken.

Lobster in the house.

LIGHTS: Big Fella! There you go! There you go!

Better step out.

-Come on. -Time out!

See the way they move without the ball?

They're all connected as one.

Reminds me of us back in the day.


If they score one more point, fellas, that's it.

Come on, Drew, you told me these dudes can play.

This guy right here can't even see.

Look, I'm standing here doing this.

He don't even know I'm doing that. Okay?

And this dude, he's a karate man.

-He's meditating right now. -[BIG FELLA CHANTING]

Y'all gotta get it together. Drew, it's on you now, man.

Stop passing the ball.

You are the lead singer, the leader of this team.

You are Gladys Knight and these dudes are the Pips.

It's just a scrimmage, youngblood. That's all it is.

It's not just a scrimmage! Okay?

Look, I bet $100 on the game.

-What? -What am I supposed to do?

Man, we don't have no more gas left.

We're just runnin' on fumes. What you want me to do?

[SIGHS] Look, guys, they need to score one more time. Just stop 'em.

You're really tall.

Just put your arms up, they're little girls.



Come on, man!

Good job, guys. Stayin' alive, breathing. Good effort.

COACH: Great teamwork, girls. Great teamwork.

BIG FELLA: Good game, good game.

PREACHER: Good game, ladies.

Hey, Coach.

Pleasure doing business with you.

Yeah. Me and the fellas teamed up to take care of that for you.

I just don't understand why you ain't ask us for the gas money?

It's not a big deal. Just had to tell us.

And, remember, Gladys Knight ain't nothing without the Pips.


[SIGHS] Listen, Drew, I really appreciate you guys having my back back there, right?

But that doesn't take away from the fact that we got our butts kicked by some teenage girls.

Matter of fact, maybe we should look

-to get some more players. -Forget that, youngblood.

My roster, my team.

Mind if we talk for a minute?


I was thinking about the way we used to run pick and roll.

Might make sense if...


Everything good back there, Preach?

Just thinking about my Betty Lou is all.

You'll be back in her arms before you know it.


DAX: Yes! It may have took us a while to get here, but we are finally here at the Rucker.

[SIGHS] Some of the greatest basketball players you've ever seen have played in this...

You mind giving us a minute, youngblood?

[STAMMERS] Okay. Sure.

We're here, fellas.

Oh, man.

I played on damn near every outdoor court in the country over the years, but battling between the lines, with you fellas here, always felt like home.

LIGHTS: Feel you, Drew. I feel you.

I got each of you a little something.

Now, I know you never liked the way they looked, but Doc put a lens in there for a reason.

Take your time, now.

Now, go help him put it on. Put it on.

LIGHTS: Why didn't y'all say anything?


Man, y'all look so... So old.

-I think he can see. -[LAUGHS]

And, Preach. That face! [LAUGHS]

I can see! Lights out, baby!


Oh, yeah! Yeah, Drew.

Welcome home, Lights. Welcome home.

I know you remember this one.

Gave it to me when we was nine.

You told me...

Told you it would give you a strength you didn't even know that you had.

And it did. Now it's your turn.

LIGHTS: Oh, come finish this, Preach. Come finish it.

MAYA: All right, Preacher!

Aw, yeah, baby.

Boots, you ain't think I forgot about you, did you?

Left 'em back in the van in '68.

Figured they might still got a little spring to 'em.


Just like you left 'em. Hmm?

I love you, too, bruh.

Easy now.

Let's see if they fit before you start going and getting all emotional on me.


No, wait. Is he...

He can't get up. He...


Yeah. Yeah.

UNCLE DREW: Oh, nice.

Look as good as the first time you put 'em on.


Yeah, Bootsie!


That's it, Boots. That's it.

Kinda like breathing. Couldn't forget how even if you tried.

I saved the best for last.

Brick City Two-on-Two Tournament, when we was 15 years old.

First tournament we ever won together.

[SIGHS] Yeah.

BIG FELLA: This ain't no apology.

Don't even try it.

PREACHER: Big Fella. Big Fella.


Hey, Jess. Come on, open up, it's me. It's Dax.

-[SHOWER RUNNING] -Yeah, I got a team now.

I really think we got a chance.

Did it ever occur to you to call first?

It did occur to me to call first.

But I couldn't because you cut my cell phone off.

That's because I broke up with your pathetic ass.

But you know what?

My new boyfriend, he took care of everything.

Wait, what you mean, you got a new boyfriend?

We just broke up...

Hey, what's up?

What's that facial expression?

You look like someone just took your girl.

Oh, that's right.

Oh, I think that's what happened, though.


Sorry we couldn't hear you knocking

-'cause we was in the shower. -JESS: Mmm-hmm.

MOOKIE: We weren't gettin' clean, were we?

No, we weren't.

-No, we were getting dirty. -Dirty. You so dirty.

Y'all know I'm standing here, right?

Can I just get my uniforms and get out of here?

-Uniforms? -Uniforms.

-How come? -I got a team.

-You got a team? -Yes.

-Aw, that's cute, bruh. -JESS: Mmm-hmm.

-That's real cute. -MOOKIE: Here ya go.

Good luck. Hey, will you cook me breakfast?

Mmm, I'll make you an omelet, boo.

Oh, I'mma scramble your eggs.

DUKE TANGO: Welcome, ladies and gentlemen, boys and girls, to the Rucker 50th Tournament of Champions.

I am yours truly, Duke Tango.

Today we bring you the best of the best of the Rucker crowd and $100,000.

That's right, $100,000, and it's all here in Harlem, US of A!

This is where it happens.

This will make you, this will break you.

Here we go! Game one.

Hilltop Mavericks versus Homecourt Advantage.

Let's do this! Let's do this! Oh, yeah!





DUKE: It's one of those days when the crowd is a little thin.


Now, is it me or is it empty in here?

LIGHTS: Nah, Preach, it ain't you.

We used to ball out in front of twice as many people.

Youngblood, I don't know about this name.

PREACHER: Bruh, I'm straight from Chocolate City.

Yeah, I think, guys, it's more about where we are now...

Stop! Look, it's not about the name.

We don't have a fifth player, guys.

If we don't get nobody else, we gotta forfeit.

We need Big Fella. Where is he at?

He'll be here.

Yeah, but what if he's not?

I'm pretty sure those basketball shoes.

Although, your calf-to-shoe ratio is not all that great.

Yeah, and his body's really bad.

It's not built for jumping.

DAX: Okay. Okay. Let me tell y'all something...

I don't play basketball.

And, yes, my calves don't match my body.

I done had these calves since I was seven.

Went to a doctor, saw somebody, and he was, like, "Hey, man, we don't know what we can do about it."

Yes! He is here.

The Black Messiah. Grandfather. Okay.

-MAYA: Don't. He is here... -He's here.

Everybody get on the court.



What are you doing? Move!

Something you wanna say to me?

We're in the middle of a game!

Can we get some help out here?

I don't know what's going on at the half court position, but it ain't helping 'em.

Are they fighting?

I'm not running down until you say it.

-Say what? -You know what.

I'm not talking about her.

-Hey, hey, hey, timeout. -[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Yo, yo, yo! Hey, hey.

Come here, bring it in. What are you two doing?

I ain't run out on my old lady just so we can come out here and play like this.

I'm out.

Hey, nah, you're not going nowhere, Drew.

You will stay right here.

And I don't know what you two are doing.

You said you wanna teach the kids how to play the game the right way.

But this is not the right way, arguin' with your teammate.

Let's play some basketball! We are a team.

Bring it in, guys. Come on.

Whatever y'all got going on, work it out after the game.

Bring it in. Harlem Money on three.

-One... -Let's go get this money, man.

Come on.

Well, just play.

-[MUSIC PLAYING] -DUKE: Back to live action, here we go!

This is Boots with the ball.

Over to my man, Uncle. Uncle Drew, yes! Uncle Drew!

This is The Mosquito with the handle.

Oh, no, no, no! Steal away for Uncle!

Look at the handle.

75 years old and still can't admit it.

Selfish son of a bitch.

DUKE: Uncle Drew doing it once again.


It's the third period, baby. The Uncle Drew Show continues.


Harlem Money is running away with this one.

Another basket and they will be going to the next round.

How come you just can't admit you messed up?

We hardly even knew her.

Matter of fact, I bet you can't even remember her dang name.

You don't remember her dang name?


I married her, punk.



PREACHER: Come on, baby. Come on.

You really wanna make this right?

Stop running from the truth.

UNCLE DREW: Can't believe you ended up marrying her anyway.

BIG FELLA: Can't believe you slept with her the night before the finals.

I loved her.

I don't know if you knew this, but...

Yeah, I knew. [SIGHS]

I always knew.

Spent five decades pretending like I didn't.

But I saw the way you looked at her when she walked in the park.

So, why'd you do it, then?

I loved her, too.

Look, Big Fella, I'm sorry.

I've been sorry my whole damn life.

You mean that?

I mean that with everything I got.

If I can go back and change it, I would.

Believe me.

I need you to feed me.

Excuse me?

You may not understand this, but, uh, I can really shoot the ball.

Let the Big Fella eat, huh?

Like The Last Supper, baby.

Oh, too slow, too slow.

ANGELO: Hey, that ain't no figment of my imagination.

Somebody 'bout to eat their words.

That's Drew there. Hey, Drew, hey!

Look at that face! Go ahead, scratch and smell him.

Scratch and smell him.

-You real. -Yeah.

[SNIFFS] He real. He real man. This ain't no hologram.

Been a minute, Angelo. What's goin' on?

Oh, been a minute.

Good to see you, Drew. Always good to see you.

What you gonna do with all that money when you win?

-Come again? -The purse. The purse, Drew.

The hundred stacks of high society at stake.

You know, the duckets.

Wasn't ever no purse back in the day.

No, it wasn't ever nothin' like that.

But $100,000 of cash, baby.

I'd sign up, you know what I'm saying?

UNCLE DREW: You think I'm stupid, youngblood?

Hundred grand is a whole lot of money.

Look, man, I was gonna talk to you about...

Yeah, when? When?

You just don't get it, do you, youngblood? This game...

The love I got for it, it's all sacred to me.

You told me that you love the game.

You don't love the game.

You use it just like you use everything else in your life.

You ain't nothing but a hustler.

Hey, man, who you talking to, man?

Hey! Talkin' to you, man.

Watch your tone, youngblood.

You don't think I got love for this game?

Don't nobody love this game more than me.

Talkin' about Jordan, 63 against Boston. I saw that.

Laettner's turnaround against Kentucky.

Bird steals the ball to win the Eastern Conference Finals to beat the Pistons.

I saw all of that and I loved it.

But guess what, the game never loved me back.

So, then what happened then?

I missed a shot.

I shot it, it got blocked.

I was humiliated. Everybody walked out on me.

Now, that's the first real thing you've done said.

That's the real Dax.

Now, come on, let's go play this game.

It's about the love, youngblood, nothin' else.



-Yes! -Get it, Grandpa!

DUKE: This Big Fella. This is the Big Fella.


Ah, shit, I'm loose.

DUKE: Uncle looking at it. What he gonna do with it?

-The Preacher! -Oh, in the name of Jesus!

Finally gettin' my legs back, y'all.

DUKE: This is Uncle Drew to Lights.

-Money! -All right, Lights!

The reason they call me Lights.

-Yeah! -[GRUNTS]

Don't bring your little ass in here.





-And that's it? -That's right.

You swipe right if you like 'em, left if you don't.

You couldn't even see the day before yesterday.

Mmm-hmm. Exactly.

That's why I'm always swipin' right.

It's more of a numbers game.

Looks a little different these days, don't it?

She gonna get him pregnant if she keep dancing like that.

If I wasn't so sore, we'd get out there and show 'em our old routine.


Excuse me, son, do we amuse you?

Yo, you're in the club, and you're pushin' 80, bro.

And what's up with your boy, Frederick Douglass?


Heard he was doing great things. [LAUGHING]

Hold my beer.


MAN: Don't hurt nobody, pop.

Ah, yeah! Gonna get real grody up in this joint now!






Oh, my God!


ALL: Oh! Oh! Oh!


You know somethin', man? I did not think your grandfather would ever get up out that wheelchair.

Me neither. I heard stories, but I never knew he could play like that.

So how much your parents paying you to watch your grandfather?

Why does anybody have to be paying me?

Why can't I just enjoy spending time with my family?

Well, I wouldn't know anything about that.

'Cause I never had one. So...

What do you mean you never really had one?

What do you call those guys?


I honestly had a lot of fun tonight.

Me too.

Well, I guess it's time to go.

Yeah, we should go ahead and get up out of...

PREACHER: He ain't gonna do it.


-Hey. -PREACHER: It's you!

BOOTS: No! Mmm-mmm.

PREACHER: You open! LIGHTS: Take a shot!


Sorry. I'mma go. I need some water.

-Sure. -'Cause my throat is dry.

Yeah, I know how that is. I'll take care of this.

Take a gap? Thank you, appreciate that.

Yeah, yeah. Don't worry about it.

PREACHER: Anybody give him some training on how to talk to a lady?

Okay, look, man, I don't wanna hear that.

Anything, okay? Not one single freakin' word.

Maybe she should've taken her heels off.

I'll tell ya, youngblood, last time I checked, you miss 100% of the shots you don't take.

Yeah, let's get out of here, man.


LIGHTS: Let's give him a piggyback.

DAX: Big Fella, what are you doing?

LIGHTS: We'll give him a little piggyback.

DAX: That's right. Two down, two to go. We almost there.


Yo, how's that geriatric team of yours, bro?

You get 'em all individual Life Alert bracelets?

Hey, man, are you wearing my clothes?

-What? -Yes, that's my shirt.

You got on my shirt, man.

That's right, I got on your shirt.

Or maybe you got my shirt on.

-What? Wait, wait. -What? Wait, wait.

-That's my shirt. -That's my shirt.

-You got on my clothes. -You got on my clothes.

-Stop it! You're crazy. -Stop it! You're crazy.

That's right. I'm crazy. I'm being you.

The only way to defeat one's enemy is to become one's enemy.

-You're nuts! -You're nuts!

-You're psycho! -You're psycho!

I'll see you in the finals, Dax. Psycho.



BIG FELLA: All day.

DAX: Yes! There you go, Big Fella!

MAYA: That's what I'm talking about, Big Fella!

Off shot! Handled it.

-Good rebound! -MAYA: All right.

Oh, shot, shot, shot. Get that out of here!

-What do I do, what do I do? -Just back up.

Oh, yeah. I remember this play.

Too late. Got 'em.

Yes! That's what I'm talkin' about, Lights.

You are the man!

DUKE: This is Boots. Boots goin' down death valley!

Uh-huh! Baby!

Harlem Money is going to the finals, with only seconds left in the ballgame!

-Still hungry, huh? -Just a little dessert.

Hey, take the three, Big Fella, why not?

DUKE: This is to send 'em. They're already there.

That's all right, Big Fella.


Big Fella.

Big Fella. Big Fella. Big Fella.

-REFEREE: Somebody get a doctor. -Big Fella.

UNCLE DREW: Come on!

Excuse me. Excuse me. Excuse me. Let me in here.

DUKE: The Big Fella is down.

UNCLE DREW: Stay here, Big Fella. Stay in it.

PARAMEDIC: Beginning CPR. PREACHER: Oh, Lord, give him some room, give him some room.

You're okay, boss.

UNCLE DREW: Come on, Big Fella. Come on, Big Fella.


LIGHTS: Doctor already said he's been through the worst of it.

So, what... What do we do now?

You don't stop playing 'cause you get old.

You get old 'cause you stop playing.

BETTY LOU: Preacher!

Hi. And I'm so sorry about the Big Fella. Is he gonna be okay?

But I've been missing you so much.

Come here, come here.

I missed you too, baby.

[SNIFFLES] Now, look.

If you don't want me to go ball, I don't have to ball.

Fool, please, after all this? You're playing.

Matter of fact...

You saying what I think you're saying?

I'm saying what you think I'm saying, Preacher.

So we gonna ball?

So we gonna ball.


PREACHER: That's what I'm talkin' about, boo.

DUKE: Welcome! This is what we've all been waiting for.

The new be versus the old.

The old be versus the new. The good be versus the bad.

Are they gonna be a no-show like they did in 1968?

-[HORN BLARING] -But, no, they're not.

Here they come! They're here! Here they come, baby!

Here they come! Aw, yeah!

We got a game on our hands!


Okay, Grandpa, you gotta take your pills before you start, okay?

Preacher, we gotta take our pills.

Not the blue ones. Save those for tonight.

It's all right. What we gonna do?

-We gonna get this win. -We gonna get this win, right?

Look, this one's for Big Fella, okay?

So, Big Fella on three. One, two, three.

ALL: Big Fella!

Here we go, C-Dawg! Let's do this, baby.

You got this, Drew. You the man, bruh.

You put this team together, remember that.

Your roster, my team.

That's right, your team. Last week, I took your team.

Yesterday, I took your girl.

Today, I'm gonna take your heart.

Man, you've...

Okay. [GRUNTS]

-Stop it! -Stop what?

-Folding your arms like me. -Folding your arms like that.

CASPER: Let's get this win, baby.

Good luck, youngblood.

Oh, luck ain't got nothing to do with it, Old Dusty.

"Old Dusty"?

Pastor Wrinkles, what's the word, man?

[LAUGHS] Young fella got jokes.

-Shoe ain't tied. -What shoe? Huh?

-Lights! -DUKE: Championship time!

Oh, that's the oldest trick in the book!

You gonna let him... Oh, come on, now!

DUKE: Over to Uncle. Jumper.

In and out.

That's okay, guys!

DUKE: The bounce pass to Casper. Casper, oh, my God!

Oh, yeah, I need you to see me.

Wipe your goggles, old fella. I need you to see me.

-You gotta see me all night. -Man, move. Fool, please.

-That's right, Casper! -Come on, Drew!

DUKE: This is Uncle.

Cross the mid-court line. Betty...

Lights out! No good!

Oh, man!

MOOKIE: That's right, old people are overrated!

DUKE: Over to Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Nothin' but the bottom of the net.

Wake up! Come on!

LIGHTS: Up! Up! Up!


-DUKE: You gotta love it! -Yes!

DUKE: Mario, comin' back down court, kickin' it over to Beazy!

JESS: We makin' baskets!

That's right, we makin' buckets, baby.

DUKE: Uncle Drew the other way. This is Betty!

Betty Lou jumper no good.

They fightin' for it, baby! They fightin' for it!

Betty Lou wins it! Get it, Betty Lou!

There you go, Betty Lou. There you go!

You know that's really a man.

CASPER: I got Drew.

[PANTING] Slow it down. Slow it down.

They tired, yo. They tired. The fatigue's settin' in.

-Betty Lou. Switch it! -Fatigue's settin' in.

You can hear their knee caps grinding.

DUKE: Uncle, Betty Lou.


You gonna let a girl score on you?

DUKE: This is Casper the Friendly Ghost.

Oh, my God!

Oh, that's right. That's right, baby.

-DUKE: Oh! -Oh...

DUKE: Turnaround, once again.

The friendly one. What a goal! Oh, baby!

Somebody get on Casper, come on, man!

DUKE: Casper!

Damn, man!

DUKE: Homecourt Advantage is running away

-with the first half. -[BUZZER SOUNDS]


BIG FELLA: My TV ain't working.

Do I look like an electrician?


I know, right?

Oh, yeah, that was him. Brian.

Y'all got a TV?

WENDY WILLIAMS: Just judgin'. Me and her, we're talkin' about Rachel.

Where you from? What's your name?

I'm Kathy from Staten Island. How you doin'?

Thank you. How you doin'? Oh, wait. Come on.

You're my victim.

-I mean... I mean, my patient.-[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

That's my team right there. I used to play on that team.

Okay, guys, bring it in.

Let's turn this game around.

So, on three, Big Fella. One, two, three.

ALL: Big Fella! DAX: Let's go, guys.

DUKE: Harlem Buckets down by 16 at the start of the third.

Here we go!

Casper, the Friendly Ghost from downtown!

Get in front of your man.

DUKE: Boots with the ball. Lookin' at it.

Boots makin' his move. To Lights from downtown.

Not this time.

Reynolds Wrap to Casper.

BETTY LOU: Not today. Give me that.

-[WHISTLE BLOWS] -Please, not in my house.

Come on, now. That's a foul!

-That's what I'm talkin' about. -You know that's a foul.

Where I'm from, it's no blood, no foul.

-Where you from? -I just came from Hell, whooping the Devil's ass, that's where I'm from.

-Break it up. -MOOKIE: That's not godly.

They gangbangin' for Jesus.

DUKE: Back to live action! Here we go!

Deflected! Goin' the other way!

Good block. Come on, y'all, let's get it.

DUKE: Uncle, look at him! Off the backboard to Preacher!

Damn, man! Get the ball, let's go!

My backboard, my house, sucker.

MAYA: That's what I'm talkin' about!

-DAX: Put it home, Preach! -[BOTH CHEERING]

That what I'm talking about!

DUKE: This is Casper with it. Kicks it over to Mario.

Jump shot. No good!

Yes! That's right, y'all, we got this.

DUKE: He kicks it over, right side to Betty Lou!

Oh, my!

-Oh, my! -Yeah!


DUKE: Uncle to the rescue!

Get on that old man!

DUKE: Harlem Buckets are trying to come back.

This is Casper with it. Casper, looking at it.

Come on, now!

PREACHER: I got this.

DUKE: B-B-B-B-B-B-Boots with it.

Booty through the defender's legs.

Look at Boots.[INDISTINCT]


Yes! Way to finish, man.

DUKE: I can't believe it.

They're trying to make a comeback.

Reynolds Wrap to Casper. For 30!

It's shut down time.

PREACHER: Now shoot, Betty Lou. Get 'em.

DUKE: Over to Betty Lou! Good!

Get your head out your ass.

I knew I married you for a reason, girl.

Game recognize game, big daddy.

DUKE: Here we go. This is Uncle Drew with the ball.

It's him and you, you and him. What you gonna do?

What you gonna do?

Drew steps back. Left-handed jumper...

What'd I tell you? What'd I tell you?

Harlem Buckets, baby.

DUKE: Kicks it out over.

Oh, I got this. My board, my board. Let's go.

Are you kidding me?

DUKE: Here he go. Light the light.

-Bang! -DUKE: Lights out, baby.

That makes it a two point lead.

Here we go! The fast break!

There we go, there we go!

-Whoa. -LIGHTS: I got ya now!

MAYA: That's what I'm talking about, Lights!

-DAX: Get that outta here! -That's a foul! Come on now!

MAYA: Lights? DAX: You see that defense?

You all right, Lights? Get up, man. Get up.

Lights. Lights, where does it hurt?

-LIGHTS: Ankle. -Okay, okay. Sit up.

Yo, that's bush league, Winslow.

You took out my player.

Man, what are you talking about?

Your boy, James Unworthy, just knocked my boy out.

Cheatin'-ass cheaters. Y'all need to cheat to cheat.

MAYA: It's gonna be all right, it's gonna be all right.

LIGHTS: [GROANS] I'm getting too old for this.

What are we gonna do, bruh?

Lights is out. What we gonna do?

-What you mean? -What you mean, "What I mean"?

We have no more players left.

It's your moment, ain't it?

No. I've already told you a million times.

I'm not playing, okay?

Plus, I ain't played in decades, bruh.

-[LIGHTS GROANS] -UNCLE DREW: And they have?

Drew, it's different, okay?

They were actually good when they played.

Listen to me, youngblood.

You think you're the only one that made that mistake that defined their life.

I've been on the road my whole life.

I got no real friends.

I'm bouncin' city to city. And you wanna know why?

Because I got too much pride to say I'm sorry.

You know how that sounds?

Have too much pride to say you're sorry to the people that love you?

Don't you dare be like that, youngblood.

You be better than that.

This is the moment.

You gonna run away from it, or you gonna step up and take it?

Choice is yours.

MOOKIE: That's right, bruh. Championships.

This is destiny now.

I'll play under one condition.

And what's that?

Let me guard the white boy.

Let's roll!

DUKE: It's a minute and nine second left, folks.

-[WHISTLE BLOWS] -Excuse me. Timeout, timeout.

-Timeout, timeout! -Who are you?

JESS: I'm the assistant coach.

I'm here to make sure that he's tall enough to ride the ride that my man about to put him on.

DAX: What are you doing, man?

This should be a technical foul or something.

I'mma kick you off this court like I kicked you out my house.

-MOOKIE: That's right. -That's mean, okay?

Excuse me? I don't know who you are or what this is about, but could you please take it back to the stands

-so we can play some ball? -Who are you?

If you keep talking, you're gonna find out.

Oh, you about to find out, honey.

I come from a long line of choir members.

So, we gonna clap back!

-Yeah, that's right. -I bet you do.

Just clap you up out of here. Don't play with me.

MAYA: I will not! MOOKIE: I love you, baby.

JESS: I love you, too.

We believe in you guys. Be aggressive.

-All right. -What am I doing now?

Brought your girl, playin' mind games.

Ain't nobody scared of you, man.

Oh, ain't nobody scared of me?

-DAX: Let's do this, man. -What's Dax doing in the game?


I got your back. I got your back.

BETTY LOU: Trail, Dax, trail. PREACHER: All right.

Yo help Uncle Drew.

No, move. Come on.

DUKE: It's him and you, baby. What you gonna do?

Let's go, baby. Let's ball, baby. Vanilla Sky!

DUKE: Oh, it's a four point lead now.

Come on, youngblood. That's too easy.

Look, it won't happen next time, okay?

DUKE: Uncle gently across the mid-court line, with seconds left.

He's gotta foul whoever may be guardin' him.

Uncle to Preacher.

It's the Preacher, man. Oh, baby, hallelujah!

Praise the Lord, Preacher, praise the Lord.

Here we go now.

DUKE: Harlem Money in desperate need of a turnover.

If not, Homecourt Advantage can walk away and win it all.

Here we go.

What that white boy doing with that ball?

DUKE: Oh, he's doing his shaky-shake.

MOOKIE: That's right.

Good steal, Dax, good steal.

BETTY LOU: Go on, Dax, shoot it!

UNCLE DREW: Let it fly, Dax!

Shoot it, shoot it! Put it up.

-Come on, Dax! Shoot it! -Take that shot, bro!

Shoot it!

-Timeout. -[WHISTLE BLOWS]

Timeout? You gonna make me have another heart attack, boy.

MOOKIE: Hey, he fouled me on that.

You're saying he didn't foul me?

That was a reach, ref.

Let's go.

[STAMMERING] Okay, relax. Listen, I got this.

Drew, they can't guard you, man.

All we need you to do is just penetrate to the bucket, do what you've been doing, the defense will collapse on you.

Once they do that, you kick it out to Betty Lou.

Betty Lou will take the three. That's it.

Game over. Game plan. That's it.

What? Seriously, what's wrong with that play?

You'll make it.

Excuse me?

Drew's right. They're not even guarding you.

It's a reason for that, Lights.

Leave the past in the past, move on.

You got this, Dax.

UNCLE DREW: We don't need you to be great all the time.

We need you to be great this one time.

Can you do that? We believe in you.

What if I miss?

ALL: What if you don't?

You got this.

Come on now.

LIGHTS: Let's go. Let's bring it in.

We in this together.

You got this. Buckets on three. One, two, three.

ALL: Buckets!

UNCLE DREW: Preach, Preach, Preach.

In case something happens, we got no more timeouts, okay?

You sure?

Yeah, I'm sure. We used our last one.

I could have swore we had one more.

DUKE: This is it. This is for the money in the bank.

This is for all the marbles.

Come on, come on, Dax.

DUKE: Buckets, down by two, a three can win.

Eight seconds left in the ball game.

This is Uncle with it. Uncle, looking at it.

Uncle over to Hobbit.




DAX: Yes, we won the Rucker, baby! We won the Rucker.

PREACHER: That's what I'm talkin' about, baby!

DAX: We did this, man! We did that!

PREACHER: You the man!

Mookie! Hey, Mookie!

Good game, man.

Good game, bro.

I see what you're doing now. Playing mind games with me.

Okay. I'll see you next year, bruh. The cycle continues.


DAX: Fellas, we did that, y'all.

PREACHER: Pick him up!

Pick me up? Hey! No, no, no.

He's way too heavy, boy.

BETTY LOU: His head too big.

Head weigh about a hundred pounds.

I'll be back, y'all.



Oh. [LAUGHS] This is nice.


-I'll be back. -Okay.

PREACHER: There ya go. That's what I'm talking about, young fella.


The hero, Dax.

Man, I'm damn proud of you.

You took that last shot.

You miss a hundred percent of the shots you don't take.

Game ball goes to you.

Your team. Your roster.

Nah. My family.

Big Fella, man, I'm really happy that you're okay, man.


And if anything...


-We were all really... -[WHIRRING]


Okay, look, I paid the bill.


I had to pay the bill. You know why?

That's what you do for family.

Shh! You still talking?

Hey, check it out, we're on SportsCenter.

Everyone was clowning him, including us.

Well, you're number one tonight in the right top ten for this right here.

Dax Winslow, all three of these, and the Harlem Buckets win the Rucker 50.

I'm still baffled by a lot of this guy's story.

I don't understand a lot, frankly, but I know this much.

He went from a punchline to a hero, getting carried off on his teammates' shoulders in Rucker.

Way to go, Dax.


DAX: [ON VOICEMAIL] Yo, yo, yo, here's the coach of the year. Dax is here, baby.

I be the Rucker champ.

Just leave a message, you know, -when I give you the chance. -[BEEPS]

Hey, Dax, it's, uh, me, Jess.

When you get a chance, give me a call back.

-[BEEPS] -Hey, Dax, it's me again.

-[BEEPS] -Your phone must be dead, 'cause it went right to voicemail.

Do you remember when I made that investment in them shoes? Do you remember that?

You remember that? Do you remember that?

Do you remember that? Do you remember that?

I wanted to let you know that I went ahead and kicked Mook to the curb.

Uh, I noticed the phone went straight to voicemail again.

Do you remember that? Hey. Dax, do you remember that?

I am affiliated with several gangsters.

I will find out where you at.

We gonna come over to your house.

I let you stay in my house rent-free for all that time.

[SOBBING] I hate you, Dax.

But I love you so much.

I don't know why you're doing me like this.

You know what? [BLEEP] you, Dax!


Gotta make sure I get the behind the scene, behind the scene.


I appreciate you guys following me to makeup.

But now, you gots to go.


Kyrie's under here somewhere.

Uh-huh. No.


Hey, girl. Lights just called me.

Preacher, you put your Bible in the club and can't find it?

Hold up. Wait a minute. Hold on.

I can't play in that tourney and let that little white boy block my shot again.

Give me a pudding even though it's gonna give me diarrhea.

Hey, I don't mean to grab your face.

-I'm sorry. -[BOTH LAUGHS]

Hold up, hold up. Run it back, run it back.

Don't you wanna go with a coach who straight up looks like Urkel got put in a trash compactor?

-Isn't that what you want? -[BOTH LAUGH]

Wait a minute. Run that back. Just run it back.

Don't you wanna be coached by a dude who looks like an M&M?


Double or nothin' this time.

Double or nothin', double or nothin'.

-[BLOWS WHISTLE] -Hey, man, you don't blow no whistle in my gym.



Okay, that's... Okay... Stop!

Or little hobbit here could take his spot.

Who you callin' a hobbit, Uncle Ben?

Uncle Ben?

DAX: You heard what I said. Get me some rice.

-No, no, no... -[ALL LAUGHING]

Youngblood, I can't take this rappity-hippity-hop nonsense.

You say "hippity-hoppity."

That's something rabbits would make.

If rabbits made music, it would be called hippity-hoppity.

You know how old this van is? Older than you.

I assume it is, brother.

Lots gone down in here. [CHUCKLES]

Somethin' went down here, stained that seat.

Feel good about that.

Got a microwave in here, you got carpet everywhere.

Ain't no tellin' what old women you'd have back there.

Probably had your momma back there.

-DAX: You ever say... -Ooh!

I'm an orphan, for your information.

So I don't know who my momma is.


This is what we call a ditty now. Ooh.

My lady... That ditty just crazy. Mmm!

I got it. This is the real version.

We not goin' be disrespecting a classic like that.

That came out before you was...

-You have to drive. -Oh, I forgot.

Get out of here. Go!

Courses. I've come a long way since Kazaam.

That is sick!



I found him in a grocery store putting cans on the top shelves.

That's all he's good for.

[LAUGHING] I'm sorry.


You are my Beyonce, okay?

Not Dantay, not White Dantay, not Jeff, and not the dude who look like he sang with New Addition.

-[ALL LAUGHING] -I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.


Rapid fire. I gotta go rapid fire.

Here we go. Watch this right here.

Ow! Ow!


What is this, man?

That look like a dead inch worm.

Who you trying to be? Morgan Freeman?

You played a heck of a game today, sir.

Appreciate you saying that, Coach.

You ever think about re-taking those SATs?

You have four years left of eligibility, right?

I'm more of a Blue Devil man myself, Coach.


MAN: Come on, Dax!

Oh, too late, Drew. Too late.

Your old-ass legs broke up on you, Drew.