Unorthodox S1E2 Script

Episode #1.2 (2020)

Next week, after your wedding, God willing, you'll begin a new life with your husband.

I'm here to teach you how to be a wife.

The physical relationship between husband and wife is holy.

Its purpose is to create a family.

And family is everything.

But... how does it work?

It's basic physics.

The man is the giver, the woman is the receiver.

Understand?

So he must be on top and she must be on the bottom.

You should have marital relations every Friday night, if you are clean.

Clean?

Each month, when you bleed, you'll sleep apart from your husband, and don't go to the mikvah.

After you finish bleeding, inspect yourself twice a day with one of these cloths.

When the cloths have been clean for seven days, you can return to your husband's bed, after you've been to the mikvah.

But... that means we only share a bed for half the month.

You'll see.

God made it this way to keep the relationship fresh.

And it's your duty to uphold God's wishes.

That's why we need to guarantee that your wedding night will be a success.

Right?

Husband and wife fit together like pieces in a puzzle.

Understand?

No.

You have a hole inside you, leading to a hallway, leading to a little door, opening to a womb, the source of all life.

When the man enters the hallway with his--

No!

I don't have that hole.

What?

There must be something wrong with me.

Nothing is wrong with you.

Go to the bathroom and look, Esty.

There are two holes.

One for pee and the other...

You'll see.

-Now? -Yes, go!


MIKVAH

Good day.

I am Esther Schwartz.

Ah, the bride!

Here is your robe.

And here are the rules.

Use the left door!

Ring the bell when you're ready.


That was quick, dear.

Come here!

Let me see.

There can be nothing between the water and your skin.


Good!

Now you are ready, dear!


Kosher.

"Blessed are You, God.

King of the universe.

Who sanctified us with His commandments.

And commanded us to immerse ourselves."

Amen.


What the heck... What are you doing here?

No one's allowed to sleep here.

Don't you know that?

I'm going to report you!

See you later.

Wait! I found a girl down there!

She slept there overnight!

Wait a minute!

And you are?


We've landed, Mommy!

Yes. I've got all my luggage.

Yes. The sun is shining.

I'll call you later.

What did you bring your shtreimel for?

So everyone can admire how Jewish we look?

Just put on a yellow star, why don't you!

We brought shtreimels to Europe when we came with Daddy!

This isn't Antwerp, Yanky.

This isn't even London. This is Berlin.

The capital of Germany!

Germany! Look around.

What if we're still here on the sabbath?

We'll be gone by the sabbath.

Are we going straight to her mom's house?

No.

POTSDAMER PLATZ STATION


Does the rabbi know you have a smartphone?

I have a kosher phone for personal use. I need the smartphone for business.

The rabbi gives me special dispensation.

It has all the functions?

-Internet? -Of course.

So, you can look up anything?

I guess so.

Anything in the whole world?

I guess so.

-Can you look up a person? -What?

Ask if it knows where my wife is.

I mean it!

Say it.

You're crazy, Yanky.


Welcome. Checking in, fellows?

Moses Lefkovitch.

You've got cash, right?

Uh... yes.

No.

Shalom!

Zionists!


I brought enough instant ramen to last us a week.

Otherwise we'll just eat fruit and nuts.

And Coca-Cola, of course.

You're sure it's kosher in Germany?

Everywhere.

Yankees or Mets?

What if Esty's in danger?

Of course she is in danger, Yanky!

That's why we're here.

I have to make a call.

Igor!


Sosena, do you have a minute?

A new applicant.

What can I do for you?


IMMIGRATION OFFICE


Hello?

Hello, who's there?

Hello, is someone there?

She let me in. That's good. Right?

It's something.

Do me a favor, lady.

I'm his cousin, Moishe.

Enough with this!

Because Esty is here.

If she's not here, where else would she go?

No, you tell us the truth!


What's keeping you?

I'm just a bit nervous.

Grandma.

To see you married is my greatest joy.


You are betrothed to me with this ring according to the laws of Moses and Israel.


Mazel tov!


Good morning!


Echt?

Stimmt.


You have seven minutes to do whatever you want.

Don't worry, it's a mirror. They can't see in.

This is for you!

My mother picked them out.

I hope you like them.

Thank you so much!


What if...


I'm so...

What?

Hungry.


Wait...


Are you looking for someone?

Dasia? I guess she's in the kitchen.

Thanks.


...kugel, cholent...


Prost.

L'chaim.

L'chaim.

Prost!

The holy rabbi Will perform the mitzvah Of dancing before the bride May the merit of his holy forebears Bring blessings Upon the bride and groom And all will dance quickly in our days Toward our righteous Messiah


The groom will now dance With his pious bride For the sake of the holy union of God And His Shechina How does one dance before the bride?

May they build an everlasting home And all will dance quickly in our days Toward our righteous Messiah


Now what do we do?

Call all the hospitals?

The US embassy?

US embassy?

Patience, Yanky.

Leah Mandelbaum is lying. Didn't you notice?

No, I didn't notice that.

Actually, she seemed pretty nice.

Nice means nothing!

We'll get the truth out of her yet.

Blessed are You, Creator of this fruit!

How? Beat her up like a gangster?

No, it's better to scare her.

With a gun?

What gun?

Beat that.

So what's the plan now?

-Give me 20 bucks. -What?

No, 100 would be better.

What? What for?

Didn't you bring any money of your own?

We're here to find your wife, not mine.

Yes.

Exactly!

How are we going to find my wife?

Hundred bucks. Come on. Please!

Whatever.


Hello?

Grandma?

Grandma, it's me. Esty.

I'm so far away, Grandma.

I miss you so much.

I don't know what to do...

Hello?

Grandma?