Urban Legend (1998) Script

You're listening to "Under the Covers" with Sasha... on WZAB, the voice of Pendleton University.

We're still talking to- Jane.

Sophomore. Hi.

So, you've been stealing your roommate's birth control pills?

Borrowing, okay?

She never noticed before because I've always replaced them with baby aspirin.

With what? Baby aspirin. Looks exactly the same.

Anyway, so now she's pregnant and has to leave school.

How am I gonna get a new roommate this late in the semester?

Oh, my God!

Next caller.


Oh, no.

Shit.

Okay, please make it.


Run outta gas?

Yeah. Fill it up, please.

Freak show.


Miss, could you come inside... for a minute?

Please! What is it?

Your credit card company's on the phone.

Is there a problem?

They wanna... speak with you.

Okay, hold on a minute.

Shit.


Hello?

No, don't touch me!

Let me go!


Stop!

Someone's in the back seat!


You're "Under the Covers" with Sasha on WZAB... the voice of Pendleton University.

Caller.

Hello?

I'm right here.

Felicia, how can I help you?

Well, it's kind of embarrassing.

Spit it out.

Well, that's just the problem. I mean, I didn't.

Had yourself a little frat boy protein shake, did ya?

I've been feeling so sick.

I swear, I can feel them swimming inside me.

Should I get my stomach pumped or something?

I think the only thing you need pumped is the air out of your head.

First, let me just congratulate you on your choice of sexual activity... because, sweetie, the world is not ready for you to reproduce.

Second, did you know that ingestion of bodily fluids... is a major safe sex no-no?

Really? Really.

My suggestion is that you down a couple shots of Pepto... and next time, get away from the volcano before it erupts.

That wraps up another night. This is Sasha signing off on WZAB.

Parker, how exactly does Sasha come up with this stuff?

She devours every issue of "Cosmo".

Calls it her Bible. Thank you.

Finish the story about Stanley Hall.

Right.

So, this guy... he was a professor on campus, maybe 25 years ago.

What did he teach?

I don't know. Physics or some shit.

Abnormal psychology.

You know, if you wanna tell the story right-

Not the point of the story, paperboy!

But fine. Abnormal psych it is.

Anyhoo... this guy, he just flips out, you know?

Goes completely berserk. Grabs a hunting knife... and he strolls into Stanley Hall.

Bangs on every door.

And every student that answers their door... he takes that little knife, and he cuts their throat... ear to ear.

Yeah. He does away with an entire floor... before finally stabbing himself... straight through the heart.

And thus... the annual Omega Sigma Phi bash.

So you have a frat party to commemorate a massacre?

You betcha.

Let me get this straight.

When this happened 25 years ago... you were a sophomore.

That's funny.

Well, it's a bullshit story you hear on every campus in the northeast.

Thank you. I mean, where's the proof?

You see, that's the thing.

Pendleton knew damn well that enrollment... would suffer permanently.

So, in cahoots with the national news media and various other powerful-

Like Lee Harvey Oswald?

Or is it Jack Ruby?

No, I know who it was.

It was that F.B.I. guy who used to prance around in women's underwear.

He covered it all up.

That's the news room. I gotta go. Get a life.

Hey, Paul! Yeah.

Before you go, if there's another E. coli crisis in the cafeteria...

I want you to have the biggest, juiciest burger on me.

I'd love to. That article almost got me the student Pulitzer.

Bye, Paul. Bye, Paul.

Know what his problem is?

He can't stand any big story... without having his byline on it.

He is such a babe.

All right?

Did it seem like he was giving me the eye?

It was probably the mirror behind us.

Oh, damn.

Should I ask him out anyway?

If Parker's story is true and all those kids were murdered here... why haven't they torn down Stanley Hall? because the story's not true. It's just a legend.

If it's just a legend, then what's the problem?

I won't encourage this. Come on, Natalie.

Cut me a little slack. This is half the reason I transferred here.

Now what exactly happens when I say "Bloody Mary" five times?

The person standing next to you wonders how you got into college in the first place.

Come on. You're scared.

Yeah, right.

Then come on and let's do this. Come on!

Time to raise the dead!

I can't believe this.

Bloody Mary.


Fine. No answer.

Maybe they're screening.

God.

Let's go.

You called?

She was trying to summon the dead, Damon... not frat boys with badly grown facial hair.

It took me a month to grow this.

So is this what you do for your free time, Damon?

Hang out in the dark by yourself, waiting to scare people like a freak.

Only when I see two losers stand in front of this relic... trying to summon the dead.

Anyhow, I'll see you two in class tomorrow.

Unfortunately! See ya.

Jerk.

You know, he was halfway normal before pledge week.

Sorry.

Shut off the fucking light.

Sorry.


Last week, we discussed folklore as a gauge... for the values of the society that created them.

Today-

Today, we get more specific.

A baby-sitter receives menacing phone calls.

And upon investigating them... she realizes that they are originating... from an upstairs bedroom... the very room... where she's left the children under her care... to sleep.

Now, who's heard this before?

Well, that really happened to a girl in my hometown.

Oh, yes. I'm sure it did.

I'm sure most of you... grew up thinking this did happen to girls... in all your hometowns... but it didn't.

You see, the baby-sitter... and the man upstairs... is what we call an urban legend.

Contemporary folklore... passed on as a true story.

There are variations of this one... going back to the 1960s... all of them containing the same cultural admonition:

Young women, mind your children... or harm will come your way.

Excuse me?

Something funny you might care to share with us...

Ms.?

No, I was just saying, like... maybe the cultural admonition is: Don't baby-sit.

Why don't you come up here... and volunteer for my little experiment, hmm?

Yeah, that's a great idea.

Now, young lady!

Coming. Yeah, baby.

Don't worry. You'll probably survive.

Had those before? Yeah, they're Pop Rocks.

They crackle in your mouth.

Eat some.

Thirsty?

Well, what's wrong?

Something you might have heard about mixing Pop Rocks and soda?

Well, supposedly... your stomach and your intestines, everything bursts.

Really? Anyone you know who died this way?

Mikey, from the cereal commercial.

Give it to Mikey. He'll eat anything.

You mean him?

Mikey likes it.

What if I told you that this is Mikey... alive and well and working as an ad executive in New York City?

Would you drink some then?

I'll do it.

Your soda.

Voila! Still alive.

As I said, class... this story is nothing but an urban legend.

Professor!

He's gonna explode!

Somebody call 911! Go!

Thank you for your help.

Brilliant. He's brilliant.

He is such a moron.

Yeah, but who fell for it?

Hey, what's going on?

Excuse me, young man. Can't read these.

She just left the campus.

She went to Pendleton? You have got to be kidding me.

I knew I should've gone to N.Y.U.

Tragic, huh?

Hi.

Is this true?

I certainly hope so.

Otherwise I'm gonna have one hell of a retraction on my hands.

What do you think you're doin'?

You can't just come and take every copy here.

You're the one that wrote this inflammatory piece of rubbish.

Actually, the fatuous quotes about being deeply shocked and heartsick... are yours, Dean Adams.

Let me tell you something, young man.

The only lunatic on this campus is you.

I'm flattered. Can I quote you on that?

I have a quote for ya. "U.S. News and World Report"... named Pendleton the safest university in this country.

And you best believe, I intend to keep it that way.

Thank you, Reese. I'll make sure... and stick that in the special school safety edition.

Hold on a second. How about some interviews, you know?

Students react to the tragedy on campus.

I am saddened and moved by-

This was someone's life.

Did you even spend one minute thinking about that?

No, I didn't.

But because of my story, 3,500 students will.

I think that's enough to help me sleep at night.

Come on. Let's go.

The decapitated body of 20-year-old...

Pendleton student, Michelle Mancini... was found in her car.

Police suspect her assailant was probably hiding in the back seat.

In the meantime, the search continues for Michael McDonald... the proprietor of this gas station where she was last seen.

Police are asking anyone with any information on his whereabouts... to contact them immediately.

This is David McAree reporting live.

That's horrible.

Someone told me that she was listening to my show when it happened.

My voice was probably the last thing she heard.

Can you imagine? What if there is a lunatic on campus?

That's fine with me. I'm hitting the half pipe at Kellington this weekend.

Did anyone here know her?

She roomed in Daley.

No. No.

Hello?

Space cadet.

Oh, no, I didn't know her.

Actually, you know, I did know her.

You did? Yeah.

I'll miss her, too, because... that girl gave great head.

You get it? She gave great head.

Come on! That was good.

Hey, Tash.

Sorry about last night. Yeah?

Well, don't let it happen again.

Here. You dropped these.

Excuse me?

This is my phone line too.

Hey, it's Brenda. You seemed kind of weird this afternoon.

You okay, hon? Call me.

Natalie, it's Mom.

Listen, sweetie, I'm just calling to make sure you're okay.

Isn't it horrible about Michelle?

Please call, okay? I love you.


Hey! I was just in the neighborhood.

Thought I'd drop by, see if you wanted to go to the house.

Parker said he's gonna pierce Hootie's nose.

Hootie's a dog.

Yeah, there's no reason he can't be hip.

No, that's okay, Damon.

What's up? You all right?

Yeah, I'm fine.

Listen, we don't have to go hang out with a bunch of drunken frat boys.

We could just go someplace and talk.

I don't really want this to get out around campus... but I can actually be a pretty good listener every once in a while.

A little something to warm you up? Sure.

It's a slight process.

Oh, God.

So you and Michelle were friends then?

Yeah.

So what happened?

I'd really rather not talk about it anymore.

It's completely understandable.

If you don't want to open up, that's fine.

I want you to know that...

I know exactly what you're going through.

You do? Sure.

I lost somebody close to me.

My girlfriend, she's-

She's dead. Oh, I'm so sorry.

No, it's okay.

She was sick for awhile.

She had... a syndrome... and after that...

I was afraid to get close to anybody for a long time, but then... it hit me, you know.

Why am I being so selfish?

I still have so much love inside of me left to give.

You do? Yeah, and Natalie... you're in need of loving.

I am? Yeah.

You're lonely. You're repressed.

You're aching to break loose.

Those are the type of problems that only a man can fix.

And, I suppose, you're that man.

Well, you know-

Nice try. That was a fairly good impersonation of a human being.

I understand, you're afraid.

But you don't have to be afraid anymore.

You don't have to be afraid to love.

Start the car right now.

Okay, that hurt. I'm just trying to help you out here.

You don't have to act like such a bitch.

It's not an act. Believe me.

You sure you don't wanna think this over? because I'm all about healing.

One black eye or two? You decide.

All right, fine.

I'm gonna take a piss. I'll be right back.

Pig.


Shake it and let's go.


Come on!


Don't start the car.


This is the end of your rotten life, you motherfuckin' dope pusher!

It was easy for him because he really didn't believe it was coming.

But it ain't gonna be easy for you because you better believe this coming.

Girl, what's wrong with you?

They killed him! Somebody killed him!

It's right past this bridge.

I don't see nothing.

Are you sure this is it?

I don't get it. The car was- Here, huh?

You don't mind me asking- What the hell are you on?

Nothing! The car was right here.

Right here. I saw his body. I touched it.

It's probably the same person who killed Michelle Mancini.

That's impossible, baby.

The police arrested that gas station attendant this afternoon.

It was a mannequin.

Damon uses it all the time to scare pledges during hazing.

He also has this life-size blow-up doll.

But you don't wanna know about that. It wasn't a mannequin.

Damon was dead. Come on.

Damon is the best practical joker on this campus, all right?

He once convinced a freshman he was the middle Hanson brother to get laid.

Shouldn't he be enjoying his handiwork? Weekend snowboarding trip.

Some last-fling bachelor party with some high school buddies.

Come on.

Whoa, wait a minute.

Scratching on the roof of the car.

Don't you guys get it?

Come on. Just like that urban legend.

What are you talking about? Come on.

Wexler talks about it every semester in class.

You know? Guy and a girl parked out in the woods, making out.

You made out with him? Guy steps out of the car... and the girl starts to hear these scratching noises on the roof.

It's her dead boyfriend, hung from a tree.

Damon's in the class. He knew the myth.

He must've just planned the whole thing out.

Well, I thought it was the only way a girl would ever say he was hung.

Conniving bastard.

Wait a second.

Isn't there another story... about a guy with an axe hiding in a woman's back seat?

Hello? My mom still checks the back seat before getting into a car.

That's how Michelle Mancini died.

Oh, my God.

What are you trying to say?

It's like someone out there is taking all these stories... and making them reality?

Then my big question is, what is he gonna do next?

Maybe put spider eggs in bubble gum or ram a gerbil up a celebrity's ass.

Come on!

Give Damon a call up at Kellington.

You'll see he's there.

Do you mind if I use- What?

Never mind.

Yeah, there was a blonde guy who arrived with that group this morning.

Bachelor party or something.

Damon Brooks, specifically. Can you tell me if he checked in?

Well, I really can't tell you that.

The cabin's not in his name, and it's not on his credit card.

Look, I'm happy to take the message, but I can't guarantee he'll pick it up.

So whatever you want me-


Hello?

Is someone there?


Look what I found. What?

An early edition of "Kama Sutra"... with illustrations.

You think Parker'll get into it?

Does he have a choice?

What's that?

Don't tell me you still think- I don't know.

This is it.

Wait a second. This is definitely not a myth.

What? The "Gang High Beam Initiation. "

It happens all the time.

Gang members drive around at night with their headlights off.

And when someone goes to flash their high beams to warn them, they kill them.

That's why I never warn anybody about anything when I drive.

Anyway, I gotta go.

I got some homework.

See you later. Bye.


Sounds like Elvira's raising more than just the dead in there.

Thanks for the warning.

I'm sorry. I'm not looking.


Better check her pulse. She's looked like that for years.

How is she? I don't know.

I haven't had a chance to talk to her yet.

All right. I'll see you later.

We know this is difficult for you, but... we need to understand why... if you heard moaning... you didn't turn on the lights?

I'd walked in on Tash having sex before.

It wasn't something I cared to see again.

So you never actually saw anyone there.

I sensed that-

No, honey, did you see anyone in the room?

Did you know Tash was manic-depressive?

She painted half the room black. I had a pretty good idea.

There are no signs of foul play here.

No forced entry.

What are you saying?

It appears to be a tragic suicide.

No. Tash didn't kill herself.

There was someone else in that room.

"Aren't you glad you didn't turn on the lights," for Christ's sake?

A very morbid suicide note.

Honey, I am so sorry. Are you all right?

Of course not. Stupid question.

I mean, who would've thought she would do something like that?

I mean, she's weird and everything, but-

You wanna go get some coffee and talk?

I just gotta be alone right now.


I know that this is a really bad time for you...

but I gotta ask you a couple of questions.

No, I'm not doing any interviews.

If it makes you feel any better, I don't wanna talk about Tash.

I just wanted to know... if you can tell me a little bit about this.

How did you get that?

I contacted Michelle's high school- your high school-

Now, why didn't you tell me you knew her?

So you could exploit her death more than you already have.

I'm just doing my job.

Okay? What am I supposed to do? Turn my back on a murder?

Or a suicide?

It wasn't a suicide.

What are you talking about?

She was murdered.

Just like Michelle. Just like Damon.

I don't know what's going on here, but... you know, if you want, we can go somewhere and talk.

Off the record.

You don't believe me either. That's not what I'm saying.

It's just that... the idea of an urban legend serial killer... it's a stretch.

But don't you think it's possible?

Yeah, it's possible.

But I don't know.

Maybe the gas station attendant killed Michelle.

Maybe Damon's snowboarding.

And maybe...

Tash just killed herself.

If it is true... why like this?

Why now?

Tonight's the 25th anniversary.

What's that got to do with anything?

The Stanley Hall Massacre.

I told you, that story is not true.

Are you sure?

All right, if there's any truth to Stanley Hall... it'd be in here.

So this is where you research all your lurid articles.

Reality is lurid, all right?

I'm only the messenger.

'71-'72, '74.

That's weird. '73's not here.

How long you been workin' here?

Too damn long.

You know anything about Stanley Hall?

I don't know what you're talking about.

Did anyone die there?

Please.

We really need to know.

Talk to Wexler.

It's his office hours. He should be here.

Here. Watch out. Just a second.

Would you look at that?

So do they teach you this in class?

I dropped Journalism Ethics early in the semester. Wasn't helping my G.P.A.


Oh, shit.


Is he gone? Yeah.

Something I can help you with?

You two break in to a professor's office... and then have the audacity to accuse him of murder?

We found the axe.

That is a prop I use in my folklore class.

How can you even suggest that I had anything to do with that girl's death?

Why don't you tell us about the Stanley Hall Massacre?

Professor Wexler, Reese... may I have a moment alone with them?

After our talk this morning...

I decided to take a look at your personal file.

Probation for reckless endangerment?

It was just for a year.

I'd already been accepted here.

Which was lucky.

We don't usually accept... students with a criminal record.

As for you, young man... you're off the paper... effective immediately.

No, you can't do that, okay?

Read the charter.

The dean can't dictate editorial policy.

I didn't fire you.

Your editor did. We spoke an hour ago.

Have a good weekend.

What was all that about? Reckless endangerment?

We're not exactly talking about running a stop sign here, are we now?

I really don't wanna talk about it.

Oh, okay, what do you want to talk about?

My career options without a body of writing samples?

Because for your information, they're kind of limited.

It was in high school. It's over.

Look. Does this have something to do with Michelle Mancini?

Hey, I just wanna know what's going on here... because I don't know if I buy it anymore.

I don't know if I ever bought it.


It's gonna be a wet one out there tonight, folks.

The storm is expected to bring four inches of rain... and 30-mile-per-hour winds throughout most of New England.

Local authorities are advising everyone to please stay indoors.

If you do decide to go out though, make sure you grab a slicker.


Natalie, nothing is gonna happen to me.

But why do you keep doing this to yourself?

Look at you.

You've gotta stop this.

I knew Michelle Mancini.

We went to high school together.

We hadn't spoken in... two years.

Why?

We were in my car one night. Michelle was driving.

The story about the gang high beam initiation had been going around.

Michelle wanted to play a practical joke... so she turned the headlights off... and waited for the first car to pass by and flash us.

When someone finally did... she made a U-turn and... started chasing him... flashing her high beams, laughing.

I was laughing, too, at first... then we started going really fast.

I wanted to tell her to stop...

but I just sat there.

And then the other car lost control and ran off the road.

He was our age.

By the time the ambulance came, he was already dead.

The courts were lenient with us.

We just got probation.

I was never able to forgive her for what she did.

I guess I couldn't forgive myself for not doing something more to stop it.

Oh, my God.

How awful... for everyone.

I don't know. I think I should just go home.

Come on. You need to be relaxed, have some fun and come to the party.

Please?

Promise you won't leave me alone. I promise.

Unless, of course, I hook up with some cute, little blue-eyed journalist.

Then you might have to fend for yourself.


Don't do that. Sorry.

Little jumpy?

No, not at all.

I was just thinking.

Me too.

It wouldn't be a bad idea to add a few extra guards this weekend just in case.

In case what?

Well, after that suicide and what happened to the Mancini girl... now I'm having trouble locating another student, a boy named Damon Brooks.

He's been missing for some days now.

Missing? He's not missing. It's the weekend.

He's probably shacked up in some motel... with a girl or a guy or a farm animal.

Whatever.

Weren't you ever 18?

Not that kind of 18. My point is...

I don't want you overreacting.

Don't contact anyone without my permission.

No parents. No police.

Is that understood? Understood.

Good night, sir.


Go! Come on, boy! There you go!

There you go! That's my boy!

I love you!

Hey, listen.

That scream, that's an actual cry for help... by a girl being murdered.

You're kidding me? No!

That's why it sounds so real... because it was lifted off a 911 tape.

That's great. Yeah.

Hey, you made it!

And already, I'm starting to regret it.

I'm gonna get something to drink. You want anything?

A beer. Okay. Be right back.

Stanley Hall's not a legend. There was one survivor that night.

It makes perfect sense.

Pendleton covered up Stanley Hall... and Wexler, so long as he keeps his mouth shut... he gets a job for life.

Why would he do it? It eats at him.

And probably every year around this time, he goes a little wacko.

This year, off the charts.

Well, then, we have to call the police right away before it happens again.

I already tried.

Dean Adams beat me to it.

They said he warned them to expect some prank calls tonight.

He even gave them our names.

Look.

I'm sorry I doubted you before.

What?

Hey. What is he trying to do to me?

I'm so scared.

Hey... listen to me.

Nothing's gonna happen to you, okay?

I promise.

You don't waste any time, do you?

Here. It's light. Oh, shit.

What was all that about?

I screwed up.


Jesus! You trying to give me a heart attack here?

The building's off-limits after 10:00.

Good night to you too.


Hello?


Oh. What?

Hey, Parker.

Let me talk to you for a second.

Look, you might wanna end this party a little early.

What?

Natalie was right all along.

Say no more. Everybody, listen up!

No, listen. Turn the music down.

Listen, everybody.

Paul here, he thinks we should end the party.

No.

Tell everybody why they should go home.

There's a killer on campus.

And let me guess.

This killer is offing people... based on urban legends.

Yeah, that's right.

Well, I've got a legend that you may or may not have heard of.

This mediocre Woodward and Bernstein wanna-be realized...

I'm gonna graduate in a couple of weeks and end up writing gardening tips... for Martha Stewart's "Living. "

Hang on. Unless I get a really hot story.

Something that really flies.

I got it.

I'll take advantage of my homicidal instincts... and I'll start killing people... in a trendy, attention-getting, cover-story... kind of way... basing them on urban legends.

Why don't you have another drink?

Maybe you're the one that should leave and let everybody else have a good time.

Right?

You stay here. I'm gonna go get some help, all right?

Why do you always have to be such a jerk?

I was just messing around.

I'm gonna go to the radio station, okay?

Hey, who's my girl?

That's my girl!

Let's go.

Hello?

You're gonna die tonight.

Oh, really?

I see. The call's coming from inside the house.

Could it be an urban legend?

Am I right? Hello?

Hey, don't get shy on me all of a sudden, fuck face.

This is the one about the baby-sitter, right?

She's getting those scary, harassing phone calls.

When she traces them back... they're coming from inside the house, right?

But aren't you forgetting something? I'm not baby-sitting any kids.

Wrong legend. This is the one about the old lady... who dries her wet dog in the microwave.


Goddamn, fucking sick, motherfucker!

Hootie. Fuck!

Wanna fuck with me?


Are you sure it's blood?

I'm sure it's blood. I'm covered in it.

Due to the storm, all units are presently responding to calls.

A unit has been called. You know what really chaps my hide?

It's the way you pledge to serve and protect... and then you don't give a rat's ass when something really happens.

Hold, please.

I'll do it myself.

This is Paul. Leave a message.

So let me get this straight.

You guys just tried out this new sexual position and you're stuck.

I'm not stuck. He is. Just relax and stop clenching.

I saw this happen to dogs once. It is so humiliating.

All right, you guys, this is what you're gonna do, okay?

Hello?

Are you guys there?

Help me!

Somebody help me!

Something's happening.

No. She's doing a performance art piece to commemorate the massacre.

Help me!

Oh, my God!

Please!

She's good. I got chills.


Somebody!

Someone, please!

Help! My God!


Please, help me!


No!

Please, I don't wanna die.


Sasha's dead! I just saw her and the killer.

All right. Where did this happen?

The radio station.

Jesus. Come on.

Why did you leave?

I thought I told you to stay at the house.

Oh, shit.

Where were you? Running all over campus.

Trying to find help. The dean is gone.

I can't find Reese anywhere.

It's dead.

Goddamn storm.

We're gonna get the hell out of here.

Gotta get off campus and find some help.

What are you doing? I was just making sure the-

I told you the phones were dead.

I'm on your side.

Let's get out of here.

We'll go into town. We'll find a phone.

What's happening? I heard Sasha on the radio.

She's dead.

Oh, my God.

Are you sure? We're out of here.

What?

Hello?

Dean Adams... this is Reese.

Hello? Are you there?

You have my number. Use it.

Do you smell something?

No.

We should stop at that gas station, see if the phones work.

Fine.

Be right back.

Oh, it does reek in here. Yeah.

I'm sorry that I acted like such a jerk about you and Paul.

You two like each other.

Then you should be together.


Like I said, he's all yours.


Where are we going? Back to campus.


Stop!

What's wrong? Someone's after me.

Get in.


You okay? No.

Got a coat right there.

Ain't gonna bite ya.

Just let me out here.

What?

What are you doing?

Please, just let me out.

It won't open from the inside.

Stop that!

What's wrong with you?

Idiot kids.

No!

It's him!

Keep going!

Come on.

Just keep going! Faster!


Hello? Is anybody there?

Help! Can you hear me?

Hello? Somebody help me!

Oh, God!

Somebody help me!


Somebody help me!

He's gonna kill me!

Please! Somebody help me!

Please!


Gotcha!

I must say, Natalie... you have proved your friendship to me... coming all the way out here to rescue me... without even a little pepper spray to defend yourself.

Very endearing.

Excuse me?

I'm sorry, but I can't understand a thing you're saying, doll.

Now, if I remove the gag... you have got to promise me... that you won't scream.

Lord knows I had enough of that with Sasha.

You're fucking crazy!

I prefer the term "eccentric"... but... yeah...

I guess you could say I'm a little nutty.

Why?

You still haven't figured it out, have you?

Well, lucky for you, Miss Thang...

I've got a visual aid.

There I am... with my boyfriend... the love of my life.

Have you found the love of your life yet?

Course not.

You're too self-involved to bother.

Pic ring any bells?

Oh, my God.

His name was David Evans.

The one you and your friend decided to have a little fun with that night.

David and I were gonna get married... that summer... right after graduation.

He didn't have enough money to buy me a ring yet so... he got me this instead...

the night you took him away from me!

Brenda, I wasn't-

You weren't driving, but it was your car... and you were there, Natalie!

Now... didn't you tell me... that you were having a little difficulty... forgiving yourself?

I thought... as a friend...

I could help you out in that department.

Payback's a bitch!

Isn't it?

Brenda, please, you need to get help.

I have already tried therapy!

Obviously, it did me no good.

And I must say...

I am kind of enjoying all this... playing with your pretty little head.

You used an urban legend to kill my boyfriend.

And now-

What are you gonna do?

Oh, just my favorite U.L.

The Kidney Heist.

You do know this one, don't you?

Guy gets picked up by a woman at a bar.

She takes him back to her hotel room. Fixes him a drink. Boom! Knocked out.

When he wakes up, he's in a bathtub full of ice... and he realizes that one of his kidneys has been removed.

Supposedly they sell them on the black market.

I don't think it's ever actually happened though.

Till tonight.

You won't get away with this.

Natalie, of course I will.

I've got the perfect murder... in the trunk of Paul's car.

You're sick. Professor... does away with his students, then kills himself... in the same manner as the course he teaches.

It's beautiful.

It's so fucking clean, isn't it?

Well, enough chat, Nat. I'm sorry.

I don't have any anesthesia.

I guess you'll just have to bite down real hard on that gag... and hope that you go into shock soon.

Please, don't do this.

Don't you wanna be an urban legend?

All your friends are now.

Ouch! Stupid bitch!

I'm really going to enjoy watching you bleed to death.

Now, is this... your kidney?

Or is that the liver?

I was always such a dope in anatomy.

Well, who cares, right?

First organ I see, I'm just gonna grab it.

Drop the weapon!

Oh, great. Rent-A-Cop to the rescue.

Put your hands up. Get up against the wall.

You loony psycho bitch.

It's all right, sugar. It's gonna be okay.

Move it!

Don't you move.

Don't you fucking move.

Shit. Bullet through the head.

Not exactly an urban legend, but in the essence of time.

It's not gonna bring him back.

I know that... but it will bring a devastated little Paul... right into my arms.

I'll have him, and he'll have his Pulitzer.

What did you think?

I was gonna let you take two men out of my life?

Very well done.

I couldn't have planned it better myself.

Really? Yeah.

I mean, I thought I was screwed after Natalie... fucked it up for me with the dean, but this-

This is just what I need.

A few things though.

I'm listening.

Well...

I need some details... for my article.

You know, about how Wexler did each one.

Details only you could give me.

It would be great for your career.

And we would be so fucking hot together.

And I'd be very grateful.

So why don't you give me the gun.

I'll take care of the rest.

You're cute.

But you're not that fucking cute.

Now, which one of you... do I kill first?

What, are you gonna shoot me?

Huh?

What kind of friend are you?

Give me the gun.

Come here.

You all right? No.

Thought I'd have to wait to be a cop... before a bullet ever hit me.

Just stay down.

We're gonna go get some help. All right. Quick.

Do you think Reese'll be okay?

Reese is gonna be fine. Paramedics are on the way.

This'll become a legend, too, you know.

It'll change a little from person to person, of course.

Brenda will become a guy.

You'll become a cop.

And I'll end up in some insane asylum.

So if this is an urban legend...

at what point do we get to the twist?


The river was such a mess because of the storm... it washed away the body.

The thing of it is... they never found a body.

It wasn't there.

Bullshit. It's true.

Happened right here at Ashton. I swear to God.

That is a stupid story you hear at every campus in the northeast.

Exactly. I mean, where's your proof?

Were you even listening? It all keeps getting covered up.

Think about it.

Who would enroll at Murder U.?

Yeah. And you know what?

Natalie- she's my old roommate's cousin.

And Brenda's the girl in that Noxzema commercial.

Look, does anybody here believe me?

Not a chance. No.

I believe you. Thank you.

But you didn't tell it right.

I didn't?

Not at all.

Okay, listen up, guys...

This is how the story really goes.