V/H/S (2012) Script

( machinery clanking )

( Motor whirring )

( Whirring )


( Truck engine roars )

( Tires squeal )

( Indistinct comments )

Back up. Back up, back up. Turn around, turn around.

Oh, yeah.

( Laughs )

There they are.

( Indistinct remark )

( Screaming )

( Indistinct shouts )

( Girl shouting )

( Indistinct shouting )

Cameraman: Show her tits!

Ha ha ha! Whoo!

( Girl screaming )

Stop!

Oh, shit! Run, run, run! Go, go, go!

( Indistinct shouting )

It's cool, huh? Hell, yeah.

( Laughter )

( Indistinct remarks )

( Indistinct remarks )

Yeah!

Man: All right, watch your head, dude.

It's all right.

I got it, I got it.

It's all right.

I'll just fuckin' find you a better camera.

That's not a better camera than this camera.

Man, I'm gonna draw two balls at once.

( Indistinct remarks and laughter )

What tape are you filming on?

Do what? What tape are you filming on?

What the fuck are you talking about, dude?

Where'd you get the tape? What's on the label?

I don't know. It was in your room.

But you don't know. Lights, lights, lights!

( Indistinct remark ) Come on, come on, come on!

Man: Ow!

Stop! Show her tits!

See? That is exactly why I picked her.

She has great fuckin' tits.

Oh, you just knew 'cause you're a boob psychic.

Cameraman: Yeah, well, we've done this so many times.

Dude, we get $50 every time we do one of these things.

I can get us more than 50 bucks, man.

I mean, that's not bad for this-- fifty dollars for each time we do this.

Dude, tell him about the deal that you got.

We hooked up with, like, a reality porn place.

Have you actually got paid?

Has he said he'd pay you, like, money?

Twenty-five, thirty times, yeah.

I can get us more money than that in one night.

How you gonna get more money than that?

You can drop this fuckin' pawnshop shit right now, if you want.

We need to do skirts.

Like, this coming summer.

Hey, shut the fuck up, man.

And run by and do-- you know, like, up-skirt stuff.

( Overlapping chatter )

Shut the fuck up, dudes! We can get more money than that!

What the hell, Gary? God damn!

...get more than that in one night!

Okay, go up left here and head towards Ryback road.

Okay, here's the deal:

We've gotta break into this house, and all we have to do is steal this one vhs tape.

Dude, let's use that fuckin' tape.

( Indistinct remarks )

Why don't you use that tape?

Naw, man, let's use the tape.

Cameraman: Yeah, we got a tape right here.

Dude ain't gotta check it!

( Laughter )

Anyways, the job pays, so, like...

It could lead to more work.

Cameraman: Work?!

Anyway, he also said he saw some of your stuff online, so you have a fan.

How's that work, man?

We don't put our names on any of this shit.

I don't know. I don't know.

I wouldn't worry about it.

Hey, you got crumbs in your beard.

( Indistinct question )

Uh, yeah, sure. No problem.

What's that?

What are you talking about? Is that your camera?

What camera? What are you talking about? What the fuck?!

Hey, rock, hey, can you hold my camera for a second?

Be careful. Be careful, okay?

Dude, this nigger's house is a mansion.

He must be goddamn rich!

( Overlapping chatter )

Cameraman: Hey. Hey. Who stays here?

Some old guy.

Like, some old guy's here right now?

Some old guy's here right now, and he's fucking sleeping, so you've got to stay quiet.

Wait a minute. Wait, wait. What if he wakes up?

Well, I'll fucking take care of that, I guess.

( Overlapping chatter )

Yeah, I'll take care of that.

Just shut your fucking mouth, man.

You're not gonna do anything about it.

Jesus.

Hey.

You two go upstairs, and we're gonna look around down here.

Fuckin' go up there.


( Indistinct whispers )

Cameraman: Shhh!

Shut the fuck up, dude.

Where the fuck is this tape?

Everything's pretty much empty in here.

( Loud clatter )

Cameraman: Fuck, what?!

What the fuck--?

Cameraman: What the fuck, dude?

Oh, shit!

Fuck. He's dead, man.

What? I figure he's dead.

No fuckin' way.

Oh, man, he smells.

Man: Gary!

What the fuck? Why are they yelling?

( Indistinct vulgar remarks )

Shut the fuck up.

You keep telling me to shut the fuck up, dude.

Look at all this. Look at all this.

Cameraman: He's dead.

Don't touch the dude.

What did you fuckin' do to him?

Hey, Gary, Gary. They took care of it.

Who took care? Fuck you! Who took care of him?

( Overlapping agitated whispers )

Shut the fuck up! There ain't no tape.

Gary, there ain't no tape. Just take this.

Let's check all these.

I told them to keep looking.

Did you look in the fucking machines?

( Indistinct remark )

Hey, let's go-- hey, Gary.

Yeah? Let's check out the basement.

Tryin' to find the fuckin' tape, dude.

Brad, Brad, Brad.

What? Stay with me, man.

Fuck, no. You stay in here.

Those tapes haven't been checked, dude.

Hey, fuck you, man!

I'm not fuckin'-- whoa, shit.

Aw, fuck! Stay in here and check out those tapes, man!

Fine! Jesus! Fuck!

Jesus.

Oh, fuck.

( Sighs heavily )

Hello?

Is there something...?


Patrick: Put 'em on, put 'em on, put 'em on.

Shane: Come on. Okay, yeah.

Oh, perfect fit!

Gimme! Gimme one of these!

It's perfect! In-I-I-ice!

Clint: What? That shit is so quad.

You can't even fuckin' tell! ( Laughter )

Oh, my God! Look at him, huh?

Hey, dude, check it out, check it out.

You like these glasses, right? Yeah.

These are not just any glasses, my friend.

They're dork glasses.

These are video glasses, bitch!

There's a camera in that shit, there's a fuckin' Mike in that shit.

Dude, look at 'em! You can't see 'it!

It's awesome!

Where can you get 'em? Internet, like...

( Overlapping chatter and laughter )

Am I just, like, a spy now?

Yeah, superspy, man-- super ass- and-titty spy.

Yeah, tonight, I'm tellin' you.

I get it.

I know what you want to do.

( Laughter ) Yeah, you do!

Oh, come on, turn your fucking dick on.

Turn it on, man! Let's do this!

Come on!

You're damn right! I'm not filming a porno.

Let's do this! Shut up! We're doing this!

Come on, man!

How do I turn these off?

Controls are on the top.

Patrick: Now, this is for fuckin' Clint, for fuckin' bein' the fuckin' man tonight.

Come on, let's do this! Let's go, let's go!

Shane: Ohh, so wholesome!

( Belching and groaning )

Power up!

Check it out. Turn your brights on, yo.

That's what we're doin' to this girl, right there.

That girl that you see right there, we're gonna fuckin' talk to her tonight, we're fuckin' doin' this shit.

Ohh! Fuckin' thigh-high!

...no! If you're filming right now, make sure--

Clint: I don't want to run out the battery.

Roll on that ass. Roll on that fuckin' ass.

( Overlapping chatter )

Like a cross between... ( Dance music playing )

What? Speak up! I can't--!

We gotta fuckin' get out of there.

Okay, okay. Where we gonna go now?

Get your game face on. You got it!

I'm on! I'm on. It's on right now.

You're my boy. You got it. Let's do this.

( Music playing )

So, you're-- when you're having your country breakfast, how many fuckin' flapjacks are you gonna put down?

I can do, like, five.

Oh, yeah? Yeah!

That's a good one! At the same time.

( Indistinct chatter )

Patrick: Talking about flapjacks with a girl.

I could never do that.

How could you even film that?

( Laughter )

You ready to shoot Irish shit? What?

Yeah, sure! Yeah! All the time.

Hey. Two.

Two of your finest Irish shit.

Hey, there's two more.

How 'bout--? Top-shelf Irish shit?

Four Irish shit.

Four of their finest Irish-- this isn't enough. What about your friends?

( Indistinct remark )

Yeah? Yeah! Bring 'em over!

Go introduce me.

Okay.

Stay! Okay.

Alex, do what she says, man.

Get your bread!

Get on it.

( Overlapping chatter )

What, man? Dude.

( Inaudible remark )

Clint: What?!

( Inaudible remark )

Clint: I-I have no idea what you're saying.

Why are you all alone?

Thanks, man.

Hey, you want to go meet some people over there?

I like you.

( Unrelated laughter )

Well, I like you too.

So, do you ever come here... Before?

I like you.

Oh, okay.

Jesus. Fuck.

What the fuck are you doing?

What's up, guys?

( Happy screams and chatter )

( Indistinct remark )

( Indistinct chatter and laughter )

I'm leaving.

Sir--!

It's over.

I need you to leave, sir.

Whatever. Get going.

Okay, I'm going, I'm going.

I'm fuckin' going.

( Happy chatter )

Tube tops are fuckin' stupid.

Aw, you bein' a bitch!

Aw, shit, all right, be cool, be cool.

Hey, lady, how you doin'? You all right?

So, you found a buddy? You comin' back with us?

What are you doing sitting on the fucking ground?

You look fuckin' stupid.

Dude! Cleared out quick!

( Laughter )

All right, so you guys are good to go.

She's a fuckin' trip, huh?

Which one of you chuckleheads is driving?

( Imitating barking dog )

( Indistinct chatter and laughter )

Holy shit!

I'm coming down a little bit!

I need to take it up a fuckin' notch!

# Takin' it up a notch, takin' it up a notch #

She is on some fuckin' drugs, dude!

Look at her eyes.

You can't even look at her.

She's gon' suck yo' dick off!

( Laughter )

No, what's that?

This is the notch, my dear.

( Laughter ) The notch.

Oh, no!

Take it up your snosh! Oh, no, this--!

Don't do it!

Dude, she doesn't want to, all right?

Fine! She's a grown-ass fuckin' woman!

I don't think she ought to do it.

Grown-ass woman.

All you've got to do is cover up this little guy here and take a sniff.

Ay-yi-ya-ya!

( Sniffs ) Ooh!

Clint: You don't gotta trick her, man!

What do you mean? I'm not--

I'm not tricking anyone, dude!

Yeah! You're not fuckin' trickin' anybody!

There's a bunch of grown-ass adults in here!

You know what? We are grown-ups.

We're two fucking grown-ass women, adults who crawled out of a bar and got into your car.

Stop it. All right, all right.

We did it 'cause we fuckin' wanted to.

You're not in charge, you dick.

Hey! Watch with the-- the heavy-handedness!

( Laughter ) Heavy-handedness!

Shane: Sassy!

I don't know nothin' 'bout birthin' no babies.

Come on, y'all, let's go.

What the fuck?

Clint: I got the key. I got the key.

Jesus Christ. You're doing it wrong, man.

Just go. Come on, come on, come on.

Clint: It's blinkin'. Do it. Go in.


( Music playing on stereo )

Oh, what is that?

Lisa: It's... Like you're on fire!

( Laughter ) Shane: Whatever!

What's up, my negro?

Clint: Hey.

After you.

You've reached the-- the freshness threshold.

( Lisa laughs )

( Shane chuckles )

Shane: Get beyond that... Girl: You are such a dork!

I need-- I need to take a shower, dude.

Clint: What?

( Overlapping chatter )

Clint: Hey... Are you okay?

( Inhales sharply twice )

( Clint chuckles )

Okay.

Ohh! Yeah, dude!

( Laughter )

Clint: I guess they like each other.

I like you.

( Laughter )

Clint: Dude, what's up, man?

I'm just fuckin' sittin' on the couch, dude!

Jesus! ( Laughter )

I mean... Oh, my God.

( Hisses )

What are you, like a fuckin' cat or something?

Oh, Christ.

Okay. We're cool, we're cool, we're cool.

This is cool.

( Laughter )

This is weird.

Do you want to go? ( Inaudible )

Do you want to go? Do you understand?

( Laughter )

Yeah, let's go.

Fuckin' garter belt's gonna be tough.

They're even tougher when the girl's passed out, man.

You shouldn't... What?

She's done, dude, she's done.

Don't do it. Stop now. ( Chuckles )

Hey. Hey, hey, hey. Hey.

Yeah, totally out, man.

Yeah. Unresponsive right there.

Leave it alone. Wake up. Come on.

Clint: Dude, she's passed out.

Statutory, dude. ( Snaps fingers )

Whatever! Don't snap at me, asshole!

Hey, come on. Come on, wake up.

Clint: It's cool.

She's had a lot to drink.

# But now she's asleep #

( Frustrated ) Come on! ( Laughter )

Clint: Dude, chill out.

( Laughter ) Shut the fuck up!

Clint: Hey, whoa.

Whoa, hey, man, it's cool, man.

Hey, it's cool, man.

Fucking wack!

Clint: Hey, chill dude, it's cool!

( Laughing ) Whatever.

Clint: Hey, is everything cool?

Yeah, everything's cool. Everything's fucking cool. Yeah, whatever.

We're cool. Jesus Christ.

( Chuckles )

Hey, we doin' this or what, huh?

Clint: Doing what? I don't-- hey, are you okay?

You okay? You doin' all right?

Fuck, man! ( Indistinct remark )

You're beautiful. I like your face.

( Laughter )

Clint: Shit, man, shut the fuck up.

Shane: Clint, what are you doing?

Get over here. Get this shit.

( Laughter ) Ohh! Oh, shit!

This is crazy!

Hey. Hey, come here.

Get this shit, dude.

( Music on stereo continuing )

Clint: Wait, hold on, Shane.

Hey, hold on, look at this.

Shane, come on, man.

( Patrick laughing )

( Lily groans )

( Slurping sounds )

( Music on stereo continuing )

Shane: ( Gasping ) Fuck! Dude!

( Lily inhales )

No!

Clint: Hold on, guys.

Hold on.

Hold on, I-I've got to get outta here.

( Muffled voice outside )

( Clint chuckling softly )

Wow.

You could have got her, man.

What? Shit! Sorry, Clint!

That girl just fuckin' bit me. Clint: Dude, what?

Oh, fuck! She really just fuckin' bit me!

Jesus Christ! Shane, she fuckin' bit him, man!

No means no, asshole!

No, no, just stop. She's not into him.

No, just stop, dude. Just stop, man.

Don't touch her.

What's your fuckin' problem?

I wasn't gonna-- rrraaaaahhhhh! ( Overlapping shouts )

Shane: Get the fuck off of me! Shit!

( Ghastly shrieks )

Patrick: What the fuck? What the fuck?

What the fuck? What the fuck?

( Shane screaming )

What the fuck? What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is that--? ( Hysterical cries )

Patrick, shut up!

( Cries subside )

( Shane screaming )

Clint: Open the door!

( Shane screaming )

What the fuck is going on?

What the fuck is that? What is going on?

What did you see out there?

Shane is dead! I don't know!

Shane's dead? Shane's dead? Shane's fucking dead?

I don't know! I don't know!

Fuck! Shit!

What the fuck? God damn it!

What did you see? What did you fuckin' see?

What did you fucking see?

He's dead. He's dead?

He's dead. He's dead.

He's-- what do we do?

Patrick, what do we do?

Patrick!

What do we do, man? What do we do?

Come on.

Patrick. Patrick.

Where are you going?

Patrick, what are you doing?

Oh, shit! What is it?

What is it? Patrick!

What do we do, man?

Hey, where you going?

Lisa! Lisa, wake up!

( Drunken moan )

Hey. Oh, shit.

Patrick, wait! Wake up! Wake up!

Lisa, wake the fuck up! Come on!

Patrick, what are you doing?

Wake up! ( Screaming )

Oh, shit!

( Patrick screaming )

Patrick: Get off me!

Get off of me! Get off of me!

( Patrick screams )

( Clint panting )

( Gurgling sounds )

( Clint whimpers )

( Clint panting )

( Lily coughing )

( Clint panting )

( Clint cries out )

( Clint cries out )

( Cries out )

( Cries out )

( Clanging sound )

Ohh! Oh, God!

( Clint panting )

I like you.

( Clint weeping softly )

( Clint weeping softly )

No like?

( Weeping softly )

Clint: I'm sorry.

( Lily weeping )

( Lily shrieking )

( Clint screaming and grunting )

( Lily shrieks in distance )

( Clint screaming and crying )

Please! Please!

Help! Help! Help!

Please let me in!

Please! Please let me in!

Please! ( Indistinct remarks )

Let me in!

( Clint panting )

Oh, God! Help me, please! Get me out of here! Please!

( Fearsome roar )

( Clint screaming )

( Wings beating )

( Clint screaming )

Dude... Couldn't find it.

Brad.

Brad.

The fuck--?

What the fuck?

( Indistinct sounds )

It's not filming. I mean... yeah...

Then what's this fucking red light?

I mean, it's a camera, but--

Gary: Well, looks like we've found all this guy's shit.

Yeah, there's a ton of shit in here.

All right, you go that way.

I'm gonna go over here. All right.

Gary: Found it!

You got it?

Yeah, yeah.

All right, let me get over there.

Which one is it?

I don't know, man.

He said we'd fucking know, but I don't, so... uh... Get a bag, and let's just take all this shit up to the car.

All right, let me-- let me find something.

We're just gon' take all of it?

Yeah, take all of it.

Fuck.

Okay, this crate.

This crate right here.

Oh, shit. Okay.

This bag is better.

Okay.

( Metal object clatters )

Shit!

Ah, shit! Gary!

( Hoarse whisper ) - Gary! Gary! What?

There's a fuckin' man down here!

Shut the-- dude, I'm fuckin' dead serious.

Do you want me to replay this?

No. Here. Take this fuckin' backpack.

Here's a fuckin' crate.

Let's just fuckin' go.

There's not a man down here.

Man... Mmmm... I just saw-- look.

Right. I'm telling you, he just crawled back there.

Hey, dude, there's nothing there.

You're tripping. That's what trippers do.

I don't blame you. But, like--

I mean, it's a good job at that, but you didn't see an old fucker or whatever.

Let's just hurry up and get this shit and go.

( Television static )


( Television droning )

( Music playing on radio )

Oh. Um... okay.

Hi.

This is... uh... We're going on a road trip.

Sam and I are going on a road trip, and I'm gonna be recording our mementos, our memories.

Um... first memory is Sam already pulling over to go to the bathroom.

But this is what we're going to be looking at for a long time.

Nothingness.

Cars.

( Distant horn honking )

( Music playing on radio )

Sam: What we got there?

Stephanie: I don't see it.

( Indistinct remark )

Looks like there's bullet holes in the side.

Wonder if people go out there and shoot their guns at it.

It's just, like, a fff... Really messed-up car.

That's crazy.

Uh... Don't forget to drive really slow on curves.

Okay.

( All chiming )

What are you doing? You don't want to get a sunburn?

No, I don't want to get a sunburn, and I forgot to buy sunscreen.

Oh.

( Distant motorcycle engine roars )

( Indistinct nearby conversations )

( Inaudible remarks )

It must suck to be woken up all the time.

Sam: Babe, are you gonna wash your hands?

Ugh!

Promise me before we eat you're gonna wash your hands.

I'll wash my hands after I eat with my hands.

Sam: So this must be the main drag.

I can't imagine there being much-- singing barbecue. Singing pig.

( Shower running ) So, Sam got this room.

It's kind of dirty, and there only two beds.

I guess he didn't reserve with enough time so that we could get a room with one bed, which is annoying.

But I guess it's okay, 'cause then at least he won't steal the sheets.

Um...

But I'm gonna investigate to see how dirty it is.

Uh...

Okay.

This is the germiest part.

Aah. Ew.

There's, like, stains all around.

You think I could pull off cowboy boots?

Mnh-mnh. No?

No. I don't think so either.

I wish I could.

It's sort of appealing to me, but...

How 'bout a big ol' wallet like that?

I like that. I would want that.

Big billfold.

Yeah, I think that'd be cool.

Cowboy hat? Could I wear a cowboy hat?

Yeah. Yeah?

Definitely. Think so?

Yeah. Should I go in and try one on?

Yeah.

Sam: Where are we?

We're in wild west town. Old town, wild west.

We're at the wild west junction.

( Sam chuckles ) All right?

Come on in.

Believe it or not, this old miner here can see your future.

Got some money? I'll tell you all about it!

You got some money? I don't.

How much does it cost to tell your future?

I think it costs a dollar.

But remember the movie big?

Are you afraid of your future?

Hold on, let me see if I've got a dollar.

( Bluegrass tune plays )

Hey there, feller. This here's pappy, and it must be your lucky day

'cause I have some words of wisdom just for you.

Listen up, now, you hear?

A closed mouth gathers no foot!

Yep, yep. That's right.

It's a whole lot better to say just a little bit

than to say too much and wish you hadn't.

You know what I'm sayin'?

Now, don't you be a stranger.

I've got lots more to say to you.

( Mechanism whirrs ) Oh, here we go.

Okay, ready? Yeah.

"A new turn of events will soon come about.

A happy reunion with..." Hey, there, pardner!

Yep, I'm talkin' to you! "A happy reunion..."

Pappy here's got some wisdom for you!

"A happy reunion with a loved one

"will make life all that you ever wanted it

"or dreamed it to be.

"You have a very trusting nature

"and are easily taken in by so- called friends.

"Do not be so anxious to do favors unto others, "as there is one who is just waiting to take advantage of your good nature."

A new turn of events will soon come about.

Happy reunion with a loved one.

That's great. I'm gonna keep that forever.

Sam: Stephanie? Mm-hmm?

Don't put that on.

Why not? 'Cause I don't want you to.

I'm about to go to sleep.

( Gasps ) Oh, Jesus! Oh, sorry.

That scared me.

( Chuckles ) Hold on, take your sweatshirt off.

Are you recording this?

Yes. I really don't want to.

Don't want to what?

Come on, just take-- hold on.

Take your sweatshirt off. I have a really good idea.

Just for one second, I promise.

It's a super good idea.

Okay.

Ohh...!

( Sam laughing softly )

Please don't do this. What?

I just said I didn't want you to record something like this.

What are you asking about?

I'm saying that... Stop! ( Laughing ) ( Sam laughing )

Come on. I don't want to film this.

Come on. Come on, make out with me for a second.

I will make out with you if you put the camera away.

But I don't want to. Why?

'Cause it's so good. You look so hot, babe.

Come on. Why are you turning away?

'Cause I don't-- ( Indistinct remark )

Don't put that back on.

Seriously?

I said I would do it if you would just turn the camera off.

( Heavy sigh )

Well... That's boring, with your sweatshirt on.

Will you take your pants off?

( Laughing ) No.

Come on! Gimme-- gimme something.

Give me one victory.

Ohh, you're so-- oh, God, you're so sexy!

( Laughing ) Stop!

What are you doing? You can't even enjoy this!

You're holding a camera! ( Pounding on door )

Shhh...!

You're being too loud! I'm not being too loud.

Yes, you are! You disturbed the neighbors!

No, you disturbed the neighbors.

( Pounding on door ) Come on, go answer it.

Well, I'm not going to answer it.

You go answer it. I don't want to. I'm scared!

Are you--? Go answer it!

It's a girl.

( Crickets chirping )

Stephanie: Sam?

Sam?

( Clears throat ) What?

Will you come out here and tell me what happened?

Huh?

Will you come out here and tell me what happened?

What happened just now?

Um... Well, somebody knocked on our door and I answered it, and it was a girl-- well, I don't know.

She was like, young, but not-- not, like, a girl girl, like, a college-age girl.

And...

She asked if we could give her a ride...

Tomorrow. Where?

I don't know. It didn't get that far.

It was, like, really creepy.

That's so weird.

I know. It is really weird.

My only guess is that she must be just going door to door and asking everybody, but why wouldn't you, like, wait for people to be getting into their cars tomorrow to ask for a ride?

It's, like, really...

Maybe it's an emergency. It didn't seem like an emergency.

And also, she's, like, not-- she wasn't physically intimidating, but I got instantly... Nervous.

There's something really scary about her, even though I wasn't, like, afraid she was gonna hurt me, but she was just, like, weird.

( Crickets chirping )

Stephanie: She's gone.

Sam: What?

She's gone.

She's not there anymore.

That's good, right?

Yeah. Do you think we should still call the police, though?

...no.

( Clears throat )

Why not?

I don't know.

I wouldn't really know what to say...

About it. Oh.

And also, I just don't feel like it.

Haven't you noticed there's, like, way more hitchhikers here than you've ever seen?

Yeah.

And also I think this is, like, a part of the country that has drug problems-- like, meth problems. Mm-hmm.

So I feel like I would rather just let it...

Go. Okay.

And if she's still there in the morning, then maybe we can think about...

Doing something about it, but right now...

I'm happy to let it drop.

That's fine.

Do you want to sleep over here with me?

Um, no. That's okay. I'm fine.

All right.

Good night. Good night.

( Air conditioner hums )

( Click )


( Snap )


( Distant thunder rumbles )

Stephanie: I hope it doesn't rain.

Does it look like it's gonna rain?

Yeah, it looks like it's really gonna rain.

Radio announcer: As far as you can see, we've covered--

tents, trucks, trailers, whatever you can think of, for our fifth annual rain dance festival.

Mini casinos, fortune tellers, helicopter rides, games, games...!

Did you take money out of my wallet?

No.

Yeah, you did.

( Laughing ) No, I didn't.

Well, you must have because I had $100 in here...

When would I do that? And now I have zero dollars in here.

Well, I didn't, so maybe you didn't actually have that money.

What'd you buy?

I didn't buy anything!

I have my own money. I don't need to take your money.

Are you serious?

Did you...? ( Laughing ) What do you think I did?

Well, I don't know... I've been with you...

...because the money's not here! ...this whole time!

I've been with you this whole time.

I have no idea what you could possibly be imagining right now.

( Clears throat )

Well, it wouldn't be the first time...

You decided to treat yourself.

( Wind howling )

Sam: How far can you go?

I could probably go farther, but I'm too scared.

Here, I'm gonna go a little further.

Okay.

( Wind buffets camera microphone )

Stephanie: Are you alive?

Did you fall?

( Far distant voice chattering )

( Stephanie chuckles ) It's just a lady...

Out there having a conversation on a cellphone, but it's so quiet that I can hear her even though she's about 50 yards away.

( Chuckles ) Oh, weird!

I don't think I can get back up.

Do you need help? Maybe.

Can't quite find anything to grab on...

( Audibly exerts ) Nice work.

Thank you. Thanks.

Sam: All right, so, babe, I'm thinking...

That we could drive home on 40 and spend the night in lake Havasu, and sort of break the trip up so it's not so brutal...

Or...

My new idea is we could go a little bit out of the way and spend the night in Vegas and still break the trip up, for the most part, but also have, like, one more day of... Fun.

I just really badly wanna play craps.

Yeah? Yeah.

I had so much fun playing craps last time, and I haven't done it since.

It's, like, the really fun game.

Real group participation game.

Well, whatever you want to do.

You-- you get to pick.

All right. That is definitely what I want to do.

I'm feeling lucky.

( Brochure thuds )

Can I turn off the light?

Mm-hmm.

( Air conditioner hums )

( Snoring softly )

( Snap )

( Gurgling )

( Gurgling )

( Panting )

( Gurgling )


( Music playing on radio )

Did you erase it?

What the fuck was that?

( Videocassettes clattering )

What's so special about this tape, anyway?

I don't know. ( Objects clatter )

Maybe it's a tape of a senator fucking his daughter or something, and we're gonna use it for blackmail.

I don't know, as long as they pay us, but I'll tell you this, we're gonna make tapes-- copies of the tapes. More money.

Can you not put that so close to my face?

It's so annoying.

Wait a minute-- you go to this lake every year?

Yep. By yourself?

Wendy: Um... yeah.

But this year, I have you guys, so it's gonna be fun.

Samantha: What do you do, just, like, walk around the woods and play with yourself?

( Overlapping reactions )

If-- if that's what you do, can I play with Samantha?

Samantha: Get it out--!

Wendy: Guys, let's scare this guy.

Where? This guy over here.

Are you ready?

Wait, wait, wait, what is he doing?

( Car accelerates, horn honks )

Shit!

Oh, shit!

Ho ho ho!

You almost fuckin' killed that guy!

Samantha: He was kind of cute, though.

What? He was.

You are-- you seriously want to fuck anything that has two legs with a third tripod in between.

I would never fuck you and I would never fuck you.

Oh. Take it back. Take it back.

I might fuck you one day. Yeah, what kind of guys are you into?

I'd fuck me. Would you, Spider?

Fuck you? Yeah.

Eh, probably.

Spider: I don't understand. You go to this lake every year.

It's just, like a tradition-type thing, or what's the deal?

No, it's just fun, and not many people go up there, so we'll have the place to ourselves.

Spider: Wait, I'll get the door.

Samantha: It's good, right?

Joey: I want to see you get it.

Wendy: Can I have a piece?

Spider: I just got a piece for you!

Because when you told me about this trip, you said it was just gonna be us girls, but now we're... Joey: Wait a minute.

Wait a minute.

I need to document this, okay?

You told me, Wendy-- Wendy, my sweet-- that this was just gonna be you and me, and now you've told her that it's gonna be all girls trip.

( Indistinct remark )

Spider: I'm just glad I'm with some people and not alone.

Samantha: I don't want to hear a word about you jerking off.

Spider: I don't jerk off that much, but...

Not that much? Come on!

Spider: Is this it?

Joey: I don't know. Is this it?

Oh, okay, yeah. This is--

( dramatically ) Ooh, dead end! Let's take the left!

Really, Wendy?

...to go, so fucking go, man.

I can't catch that thing.

Just get it.

You have your bowie knife, right?

Oh! Get him, get him, get him, get him!

Spider: Do you got him?

What is that? It's a barracuda.

A what? A barracuda.

That's a fish, you idiot! It's a barracuda... Fly.

Oh, seriously?

I don't know. ( Spider chuckles )

You wanna see me eat it?

Spider: Yeah!

Oh, fuck.

You're not really gonna eat it, are you?

Oh, my God! Oh, my go--! ( Laughing )

Joey: ...I mean, I was here to fuckin' boink her.

Yeah?

What are you--? Wait. I have a question.

What are you doing here?

Huh?

See that, uh, blonde goddess up there?

No, where? That's what I'm here for.

I don't see much of a blonde goddess anywhere.

Or, uh... Blonde crack whore, according to you.

Hey, give me the camera. She is a crack whore.

You're not gettin' the camera, bro.

Just gimme it for one second. Why?

'Cause I wanna do something. No. Go fuck yourself.

Joey: Wedgie?

Wendy: Joey... Joey... Joey: Did she wedgie you?

Spider: No.

That's more like it, dick-wise, right above your head.

Look. Stop-stop!

It's coming right out of your head.

It's about the size of your dick, and it's moving! ( Laughing )

( Indistinct remark ) ...We're walking around the middle of the fucking woods.

Where the fuck are we going?

Can you get a shot of this?

Yeah, sure. Of what?

What, of the wall?

Yeah. Just humor me, okay?

It's tripping me out.

The last time I was here, my friend fell over it.

Joey: All right. Well... Hi, wall. "Hi, Joey."

Good? You're so-- soon as you get back up.

Samantha: Why are you carrying around grass?

Okay! God! Jeez--!

You mother fucker!

I didn't do it! Wendy did it!

Well, I-- you shoulda ninjaed that shit!

( Blows )

Oh, fuck me! Did I break it? Is it okay?

( Blowing )

Spider: Oh, my God! ( Laughing )

Joey: Yo, that is gnarly! Hey, Samantha! Hey, look!

Hey, you like this? Ohh, easy!

Samantha: That reminds me of your mom!

Oh, that's funny. That's really funny.

Wendy: You guys are fucking disgusting.

Samantha: Seriously, that's gross! Stop poking it!

Joey: Oh, my God, it's not gonna hurt you.

Oh, look! Yo, that's filled with nutrients.

Just suck on it. Bite into it!

What are you doing over there, crazy girl?

What's with this camera?

Whoa, whoa, look at that! Look, this!

Look at this. Oh, wow.

Isn't that awesome? Yo, we could trip all day on that.

( Laughter ) Yeah.

Samantha: Oh, yeah. You like that? Yeah?

Dream on. ( Laughter )

Joey... You're all gonna fuckin' die up here.

What?

Tell me you got that. Nice!

That one skipped, like, 20 feet.

Nice, dude!

I'm not getting in that fucking lake.

Yo, give me that. You get this?

Spider: What's up, guys?

What up?

Spider: What are you guys doin'?

Samantha: Just fuckin' chillin'.

Here, babe.

Spider: Are you guys doing drugs?

( Samantha laughs )

What?

He fuckin' calls it drugs!

Wait, I gotta get this.

No, oh, my God, Spider, the look on your face right now...

Are you guys doing drugs right now? Seriously.

No, seriously. Spider, can I tell you something?

Okay. You're a fucking dweeb.

Whatever. I don't-- I don't do drugs.

How 'bout that? How's that sound?

Samantha: Spider, what's wrong? Why do you look so scared?

I'm... scared of getting the fear.

Joey: What? Samantha: What?

The fear. You never heard of that?

( Joey and Samantha chortling )

Don't laugh, don't laugh! I'm serious. The fear.

You know, when you do too many drugs and then you get, like, all freaked out and crazy?

Spider, there's no fucking such thing as the fear.

Joey: Just take a hit, bro.

Samantha: Take a fucking hit and chill out!

I'll take a hit if you don't film it. Promise.

Joey: Okay. - Spider: Yeah? Wendy: Scout's honor.

( Indistinct mischievous remark )

Ahh. No, no, no.

You've got to, like, breathe it in-- through my nose? Breathe through your nose.

Joey: That was huge, girls!

( Spider coughs, others laugh )

Joey: Oh, man! Spider: Oh, my God!

Joey: Fucker's gonna die!

( Spider coughing )

Spider: Fuck this. Can't take that.

Joey: Careful, bro! I'm sorry! ( Laughs and coughs )

Oh, my God, my throat's on fire.

Wendy, what the fuck were you saying before about us all gettin' killed?

- Spider: Wait, what? Samantha: When did she say that?

We were over by the mushroom tree.

When we were standing over by the tree, she was like, "you're all gonna fuckin' die!"

Spider: What do you mean, like, here? Like, here-here?

Joey: Here?

Did you guys not hear about this? ...No.

Why the fuck would I come to this lake if I heard about some damn murders out here?

Yeah. It was pretty bad.

Wait. Are you being serious?

Joey: You're fuckin' with us! Get outta here!

No, I'm being dead serious.

Spider: Well, what happened?

Um...

You know, the weird thing is that I don't remember what he looked like.

Samantha: What do you mean, you don't remember?

Spider: What who looked like?

What are you talking about?

( Laughter )

What? Fuck you! Fuck you! I told you guys!

What the fuck?! The fear! You see!

Samantha: She gave me the fuckin' fear!

You know what? Fuck this! Fuck this!

I'm going swimming. Seriously?

Yep, seriously. Go for it!

Wendy: Will you strip down for me, Joey?

I don't care. Oh, yeah?

Samantha: Are you sure you wanna see that?

Like I said earlier, 2-inch cock.

( Spider laughing ) Mmm...

Probably gonna be two inches in a minute!

( Spider laughing ) ( Indistinct remarks )

( Spider laughing )

Aah! Oh, fuck!

Oh, it's fuckin' cold, man! ( Spider laughing )

Oh, my God! You--! That was crazy!

That was fuckin' beautiful.

Wendy: I'll join you in a minute. Or not. We'll see.

Ohh!

( Audibly struggling )

Spider: Are you se--?

What the hell? Is he--?

I'm fuckin' with you! Fuck you!

Dude, I've got to take a shit. You just scared the shit outta me.

Can I come with you?

Samantha: Spider, did you bring the fucking camera?

Spider: No.

Yeah.

So, what was the deal with Wendy...

And all that killer shit? I don't know.

That fucking story was creeping me out.

She is weird. I know, right? That's what I'm talking about.

The fear, right there.

What are you doing behind there? It really stinks.

Spider, you wanna see something sickening?

Sure! It's fucking disgusting.

This is my new tryout, Spider, just for you.

No one has seen this yet. This shit is red hot.

Prepare for awesome.

Wait, what?

( Whooshing sound )

Samantha: What the fuck? Spider: Oh, my God!

( Wheezing )

Oh, my God, your eye! Look at your fucking eye!

What the fuck?

Oh, fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!

Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck!

( Spider groaning )


Wendy: Hey, Joey.

Oh, hey, what's up?

Oh, God, it's gettin' fuckin' cold.

Where are the other guys at?

They left. Wanna fuck?

Uh... ( Chuckles )

They left? Did you hear what I said?

Uh... so they just left their stuff?

Joey, please do not tell me you're a virgin.

What?

Come on, I think we should get back into the lake, fuck each other's brains out, and we could even film it for prosperity.

Wow. Uh... Turn that shit off.

Don't you wanna fuck me?

You were serious earlier, weren't you?

About the murders?

I remember reading about it now.

It was, like, four kids were killed, and the guy-- they said the guy was, like, insane.

He was beyond insane.

He was evil.

This lake ran red with their blood, and I came back... To move on. I-I get it.

It's some kind of, like, post-traumatic stress therapy or something.

No, it's not therapy.

I brought you back because I needed bait.

Bait?

They never caught him, Joey.

They never believed me, how-- how he was everywhere.

How he could be at two places at once.

That wall back there-- my friend smashed her head open on it.

Wendy, this is crazy, okay? I think you need help.

Maybe we should just get the others and get the fuck outta here.

They're dead, Joey. He's back. No.

And this time, I'm ready for you. Get that shit outta here.

I think you need help.

( Gurgling )

( Wendy panting )

Unh!

( Wendy panting )

Give it to me. Shit.

Come on!

Come on, fucker!

( Unearthly groan )

Why can't I film you?

( Eerily garbled response )

Fuck!

Oh, shit.

Shit, shit, shit.

( Wendy breathing heavily ) Oh, fuck. You came... Back... For nothing.

( Wendy panting )

( Heavy thud )

If you're watching this...

( Distorted audio ) Don't come here!

Wendy: Joey?

( Eerie gasping sounds )

Joey?


Wendy: What are you waiting for?

( Heavy clank )

( Garbled laughter )

Wendy: I beat you, one on one, asshole.

Oh, fuck!

( Gasping )

( Heavy blows land )


( Sigh )

Where the fuck did those guys go?

Where the fuck did they go?

Here you go. I've got a flashlight.

Probably fuckin' each other downstairs.

Dude, we were just downstairs.

They're not downstairs.

Where do you think they're at?

I don't know. I'll go look for 'em.

You look through these fuckin' tapes, okay?

No, no, no. Just-- look-- just like that, you're gonna leave me in here with this dead fucker?

Sorry if your vagina hurts there, sister, but someone's gotta do it.

Just get outta the way. Just... fuck it.

( Sighs )

( Vcr whirrs )


( Crickets chirping )

- Hey! Hi!

How was-- how was work?

It was fine.

One of the other girls, uh, called in sick, so I was the only one answering phones all night.

Also, my-- my arm's been really bothering me.

It's like I bruised it or something, but I don't remember how.

I think you can see.

There's a bump there. Can you see?

Mnh-mnh.

Well...

I know I said I didn't want this, but when you're a doctor, could you just support me, and I'll just... Stay at home?

I guess, yeah, if you want that.

( Laughs ) That was easy.

I mean, do you want me to make it difficult for you?

Like, um... I don't know, Emily.

I guess you'll have to convince me here.

Really?

I mean... maybe a little convincing, or...

Well, how 'bout now?

Maybe a little more?

How 'bout now?

( Laughs )

Well, now I can show you my apartment.

Yay. I mean... I'm gonna see it soon enough.

Well, fall break's not soon enough.

Um... I know.

All right, so this...

Like, right here...

Uh, this is where I heard the footsteps.

Um, back there?

Yeah. Right.

I mean, could it have been coming from upstairs?

No. I mean...

I know-- I mean, my neighbor always wears heels, so I know what that sounds like.

It was weird. It was like, while it was happening, it didn't seem like it was real, but I was awake.

And you didn't check?

Are you kidding me? No way.

I can't believe I was even, like, able to fall back asleep.

I mean, it sounds like you were asleep.

Okay, well, next time it happens, I'll call you and you can watch me, and maybe I'll be brave enough to open the door.

'Kay.

Okay.

Emily?

Hello? Hey. Hey. Hey.

What's? What's going on?

There's something at my door. Listen.

( Eerie, indistinct sounds )

Did you hear that?

What was that?

Shh.

Did you see that?

Emily, what are you doing?

I'm going to open the door with you here.

That's stupid. Why?

No, no, this is just like before.

Hey.

( Eerie, indistinct voice )

See? I told you. My apartment's haunted.

It's not haunted. I'm sure there's a reasonable explanation.

No, no, this feels really familiar.

What do you mean?

Well, remember the first time

that you got-- you got transferred off the base

when your father got transferred to fort Leonard wood?

I was, like, 12? Yeah.

Well, that was when things got really bad for me, and I had-- you know, I had my big accident

and I had to have surgery, and it was the first time

we were apart since I was really little.

Mm-hmm. I mean, now is the first time...

We've been apart since high school, and I just-- I just--

Emily! ( Emily screams )

( Sighs )

So, you think you saw...

Are you sure you saw, like, a little kid?

I mean, I-I think I saw something, but it could have been anything, Emily.

Like, you know, maybe it was, like...

A breeze or something like that. Breeze.

Man, of all the times for you not to be recording our chat!

I'll record it next time. ( Chuckles )

I need to find out if a little kid died here.

I'm gonna ask my landlord.

Um... I-I don't know if you should do that.

I-I don't-- I can't imagine he'd be thrilled to have that conversation.

Yeah, well, I think he has to tell me.

I think it's the law or something.

The law?

Why are you messing with your arm like that?

What's wrong?

It's not... It's not getting better.

It's like this...

Like, a lump under my skin or something.

You shouldn't do that. It's not good for you.

Just stop touching it, and when I come and see you, I'll check that, okay? - Okay.

You're right.

Hey, Emily, what's going on?

I'm hearing the noise again.

I'm gonna go check it out.

Okay. Um... Do you have a weapon?

No, should I?

Yeah, I think that would be a good idea.

Okay, okay, hold on.

Okay.

Be careful.

Yeah.

W-w-wait. Look-- look towards your living room.

Well, I don't-- there's a lamp...

( Indistinct remark )

Okay, well, do you have a flashlight?

No. Oh, I have-- I'll use this.

You here?

James, are you there?

Yeah.

( Camera shutter clicks )

I didn't see anything. No.

- See anything? Mnh-mnh.

Aah! Emily! Emily!

Close your door.

Are you okay?

I should talk to him. I should have talked...

Are you all right?

Hey, were you recording that?

No. What do you mean? I just got caught up in the moment.

James!

Next time I call you in the middle of the night, please press record!

Okay. All right. I promise.

Will you stay up with me tonight?

Yeah. Yeah, of course.

Thank you.

So, I talked to my landlord today.

He said no one's ever died in my apartment, ever.

That's not exactly something he'd want to advertise, right?

Yeah, but he said, like, no kids ever lived here.

It's always been student housing.

Uh-huh.

What's that? What are you doing?

Oh, well, I felt that lump move in my arm today.

Emily, what the fuck is that? Don't do that!

Thought it might be a spider bite.

You know, how you hear about--?

That's an urban legend. That's not real.

It's right under there. Look, look, I'll show you.

Stop! Stop that! Don't do that, okay?

That's not good for you. This is like your leg, like seven years ago. You still have a scar from that.

Emily, what the fuck are you doing?

Well, I think if I just...

No, no, no, no, no. Put that away.

Seriously, Emily, look at me.

Emily! Emily, look at me, okay?

You need to put that away, all right?

Digging around in your arm is not gonna do any more good.

You just need to put some alcohol on that or iodine or something like that and-- and-- and put a bandage on it

'cause otherwise it's just gonna get infected, okay?

You know, I'll be there in a week and I'll look at it, but for right now, just leave it alone.

You're acting really crazy, all right?

Okay, okay.

Okay. I mean...

Can you go to the bathroom and clean that off?

Yeah, yeah. I'll be right back.

Emily? Are you there? Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

I gotta-- I gotta do some work, so what's going on?

I know. This'll only take a minute.

What's up? He's outside my room.

I can hear the little boy's footsteps.

That's really scary, Emily, what are you talking about?

Well, I just-- I need to talk to him, and I need your help.

Um... I mean, I'll help in any way that I can. Okay. Great, great.

So, I'm gonna close my eyes so he doesn't scare me.

What? I'm gonna close my eyes so I don't freak out...

And run back in here, okay?

So you're just gonna tell me if he's there

and if he's paying attention to me, and then I'll talk to him.

I'll find out what he wants--

if he wants me to find his body, or... whatever.

I just. Uh... I don't want to look at him.

He's a ghost. He freaks me out.

What?! Um... Okay. All right.

Okay, can you do that?

Yeah. Okay, okay.

So, as soon as-- as soon as I open the bedroom door, I'm gonna close my eyes, and then you'll tell me what's there, okay?

All right.

Okay, are you ready? Yeah, yeah.

All right, I'm closing my eyes.

Hey. Hey.

What's there?

Uh... I-I don't see anything.

It's just your hallway.

'Kay.

Anything in here? Um... no. No, it's...

Go in your living room.

Okay, I'm not looking.

Listen, I don't see anything, okay?

Yeah, you should go back to your room.

See him?

No, I don't see anything.

Maybe... he's done for the night.

I'm almost disappointed.

What are you doing? What?

Emily! What?

Close your eyes.

Oh, okay.

Is he here?

Back to your left.

Okay. Emily!

( Unearthly sound ) ( Emily groans )

Emily. Emily.


James: You're telling me part of this thing is human?

( Eerie, indistinct response )

Well, how many more times are you gonna have to do this to her?

( Eerie, indistinct response )

I don't know if she can survive that.

( Eerie, indistinct response )

I mean, you're telling me. She thinks I'm in Michigan.

That's far away, okay?

( Eerie, indistinct response )

And that tracking device in her arm, does that have an expiration date?

Good, well, take care of it.

We're gonna have to make this look like an accident again.

( Eerie, indistinct response )

It's fine.

We have people that can take care of it.

I'm just gonna have to break some bones.

For fuck's sake!

Hey, how's it going?

Made it back okay?

Yeah, yeah. The drive was fine.

Are you all right?

Uh, yeah.

So, your professors aren't mad at you?

No. Um... I haven't spoken to my advisor yet, but, uh, I'll explain it to him.

It'll be fine.

How are... How are you?

Okay. Um...

I went to see Dr. aberdeen today, like I told you.

Yeah, she came very highly recommended from my colleagues, so... did things go well?

She seems really professional.

She... she diagnosed me as schizoaffective.

It's a mild form of schizophrenia

and bipolar disorder.

Okay.

I mean, it explains a lot--

you know, why I thought I'd seen ghosts, why I don't remember running out

into the middle of the street that night.

I'm just crazy.

Don't say that.

Well, anyway, she's got me on some medications--

um, perphenazine, and, uh, I don't--

I don't remember.

Listen, you're gonna be okay.

You don't know. I do. You're gonna be fine.

You deserve to be with someone normal--

you know, someone who doesn't have so many problems.

What if we want to have kids someday?

You know, um...

You're the only person I've ever wanted to be with, Emily, so just... stop acting like I have a choice in the matter, all right?

I don't know what I did to deserve to deserve someone...

You're so good to me.

Get some rest.

I love you.

Talk to you later.

All right.

How's it going?

( Distorted audio ) ...Parts.

I have, like, a sore spot or something.

Did you-- did you hurt it on the hike today, or...?

Maybe. Maybe I bumped it.

I don't know. I keep fiddling with it.

Well, don't do that.

I'll look at it when I get there.

Okay.

What are you doing?

Changing into my jammies.

- Oh, yeah? Yeah.

You can keep going.

I miss you.

There was a lot of couples on the hike today, and I just felt alone, you know?

Alone? Yeah?

How's that?

Sit back a little bit.

There. Yeah.

- Yeah? Yeah.

What were you saying?

Uh, nothing.

( Approaching footsteps )

Gary: Zac? Hey, Zac.

I can't find any--

what the fuck...?

( Loud bang )

( Running footsteps ) Gary: Fuck.

Zac! ( Footsteps recede )

Jesus.

Zac.

Zac.

You fuckers.

Zac?

Hello?

Oh... ( Laughing ) Fuck!

Jesus!

Oh, fuck!

( Running footsteps )

( Gary groans ) ( Crash )

( Gary groaning )

Fuck!

Aah! Aah!

Aaaahhhh!

( Silence )

( Vcr whirring )

Hey, Matt!

We not-- we forgot. We forgot.

Did you guys bring any tools, or...?

Spatulas.

That's what I was using. I was using--

Oh, the styrofoam plate? On the grill! Ha ha ha!

That's good. That doesn't really send any kind of chemicals into our food.

That's how men cook. It's problem-solving.

You're truly a man.

You want the burnt one or the burnt one?

Woman: She wants the really long one.

The really, really long one.

This long. Here we go. Here we go.

Roommate: Hey, dude, your dumb friends are here.

You know all this stuff's coming down at midnight, right?

Tyler: Mm-hmm. ( Snickers )

( Car horn honks ) Tyler: Yo!

I'll be right down.

Come out, dude, it's gonna be an awesome party.

Or not.

Dude, come on, aren't you a bit old for this shit?

Happy Halloween!

Yo!

Yeah! Ha ha ha!

What's up, guys? How's it going?

Paul: Awesome. That is awesome.

Chad: ( Laughing ) What the hell?

Matt: Are you a bear? I'm a nanny-cam.

Chad: A nanny-cam! Paul: Better than the Unabomber.

Let's go and do this.

Paul, you know where we're going, right?

( Rock music playing on radio )

( All singing along )

No, yeah, you're gonna wanna go to-- no, you wanna go 134 west.

You wanna stay on the 134.

( Cheerfully ) Fuck! Sorry, bro!

( Laughter )

Matt: ( Cheerfully ) Fuck!

Way to give yourself an option by being in the far-right Lane.

I thought we were going--

I'm just gonna give myself the option of maybe...

( Laughter )

It eventually will, I think, hit spring street.

You say it was too dark, and then you just took off your sunglasses?

( Chuckles )

( Indistinct remark )

You're fine.

How many people are supposed to be at this party?

Do you know?

( Train crossing signal clanging )

( Locomotive whistle blows )

Paul: Oh, my God!

Are the girls coming out tonight?

Matt: Yeah, they'll be there. They're coming out later.

( Locomotive whistle blows )

...was it? Montecito?

( Stammering ) Yes.

That's-- it starts-- it's here.

I thought you said it was mariposa.

Matt: Just pick one! Paul: Mariposa or Montecito?

Chad: It's one of those.

Mar vista? Driver: Yep.

Matt: All right, I'm going left.

"M"-- Madison? This doesn't make any sense!

It's fine, don't worry.

Yeah, it is right. Oh, fuck. Is that right on the corner?

( Indistinct remarks )

Can you park here? Yeah, it's all right.

I think it's fine. Maybe we can come out and check on the car later too.

Yeah. Fine.

Can you grab this beer? Yeah, I got it. Here.

Driver: Sword? No sword? Sword!

Absolutely sword. It's an awesome sword.

I'm wearing a stupid helmet.

( Indistinct conversation )

Here, gimme a beer.

Thank you.

I wanna hold 'em.

Can I get one, les? Yeah, sure.

I'm holding the-- here, hold on.

Jesus.

What the hell, dude?

( Playfully ) Suck me.

( Both snickering )

Awesome.

Hello! You might try to just walk in.

Might want you to ring the doorbell.

( Indistinct comments )

Where is everyone?

This is a nice place. Maybe it's like a-- go around back.

Don't worry, guys, I'll-- are you guys--? Oh!

Shortcut!

Is anyone else's beer warm?

That actually hurt! I'll break it!

( Beer bottle drops ) Dut-dut-dut-dut-dut!

Where'd it go?

It's mine.

( Tyler snickering )

You sure this is it?

Yep. All the lights are on.

Maybe we're a little early.

Yeah, go that way.

Ooh! - Ooh! Ooh! - Ooh!

Justin!

Yo, Justin!

Creepy!

This party fuckin' sucks!

( Chuckles ) See? It's a haunted house.

It's an empty house.

A really shitty haunted house.

( Playfully ) So shitty!

Justin? Justin!

He probably went to get beer.

( Spooky voice ) Ooh!

First one's through.

What is it? ( Indistinct ) All right.

God, look at that shit.

All right. ( Chuckles )

Okay. All right, maybe not the scariest thing I've ever seen.

( Laughter )

There's a chair. Obviously, there was a struggle.

A chair! There was a struggle!

Ohh! Oh, fuck! Holy shit!

Huh?

Oh! Another room that's locked up.

Tenant's out. Yeah.

This is pretty cool.

Whoo! It's, like, a nautical theme in here.

Heavy clouds too... ( Indistinct conversation )

( Heavy rattling sound )

Tyler: Hello?

Oh, Jesus!

What? Whoa, whoa, whoa? What, what, what?

( Laughter ) It was like people reaching out of the wall at you.

Tyler: What happened? What happened?

I've never seen that before.

That was fuckin' awesome!

( Playful nonsense ) This is rad!

This is not that bad! Tyler: Shh shh shh shh!

You hear that? Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

( Indistinct thudding sound )

( Playful nonsense ) Go! Go!

( Tyler chuckling )

...last year's party, rented this castle in the desert.

Nuts!

It was like this weird, medieval...

I don't know. I got a sword out of it.

( Tyler chuckles ) ( Muffled cries )


Hello?

Hello?

Guys?

Guys.

( Loud banging sound )

Guys, not funny!

Fuck, dude.

Where's the fuckin' party, man?

I don't know. We're gonna go scare Matt.

This place is fuckin' awesome!

( Distant, clomping footsteps )

Ready?

On two.

( Screaming ) Ohhh!

( Laughter )

Don't! Don't! Ow, ow, ow!

( Laughter )

( Laughingly ) Ow!

All right, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry, dude. Come on.

No, dude, that fuckin' hurt!

Come on, dude.

( Laughter )

I can't believe they can afford this!

( Ongoing muffled voice )

I just don't want anything to jump out at me.

I'm tired of it.

If you think about what we're doing right now, we're walking through a house.

It's okay. What the fuck is that noise?

( Ongoing muffled voice )

Chad: How do we get upstairs?

Matt: Probably...

Paul: Yeah, where the fuck is the party?

( Ongoing muffled voice becomes clearer )

Paul: Hey. Anything in there?

( Muffled voices rising in unison )

Paul: I think I found the party.

( Lead muffled voice becomes clearer )

Male voice: ...And then, through the unity

of the men with the sword.

Arise, O lord! ( Voices affirm )

Do as ye have said, and fall upon him and burn him, that thou mayest take away

the innocent blood which Joab shed, from me, and from the house of my father.

Arise, O lord! Cast you down!

Arise, O lord! Cast you down!

A sword is upon the liars!

A sword is upon the mighty men, and they shall be dismayed.

A sword is upon their horses, and upon their chariots, and upon all the mingled people that are in the midst of her. Arise O lord!

Cast you down! Arise, O lord!

Party boys: Cast him down!

Cast him down! Cast him down!

Who are you? Who are thou foulings?

Cast... you...! What are you doing here?

We're just here for the party.

What are you doing here? Sorry.

You shouldn't be here!

Leave! ( Girl crying ) - Run!

Girl: Please help me!

Fanatic: Quiet, you, quiet! Get away from me!

Whoa! Hey!

Fanatic: ...Understand me?! Whoa, whoa!

Holy shit!

Tyler: Oh, shit! What the fuck is that?

What the fuck is that? Leave!

( Girl screams ) Oh, fuck!

( Man screaming ) Oh, shit!

( Screaming )

Oh, fuck! Get outta here!

Chad! Oh, fuck!

Oh, shit! Fuck!

Tyler: Wait!

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait!

Listen!

( Girl screaming and weeping )

We can't leave. Paul: No, wait. What?

Chad: Go, go.

Paul: What are we gonna do?

( Girl screaming and weeping )

Chad: Just get the girl and leave.

( Tyler panting )

( Girl screaming and weeping )

Girl: Oh, God! Help!

( Audio dies )

( Audio resumes ) Tyler: Okay.

( Tyler panting )

Chad: Back up, back up, back up!

( Girl screaming and weeping )

Tyler: Go, Chad!

Oh, shit!

( Overlapping shouts )

Fanatic: Aaaahhhh!

Get the fuck off of me!

Aaaahhhh!

Get off me!

( Fanatic screaming )

Matt: Okay, I got her, I got her, I got her.

Tyler: Uh... Go. Go, go, go.

Come on! Shit!

Oh, fuck!

( Overlapping shouts )

Chad: Go!

Chad: Go! Fuck! Oh, Jesus!

Chad: Go!

Chad: Fuck! ( Girl cries out )

Get the door!

Oh, shit! What the fuck?

It's fucking burning!

Guys, come on!

Aah!

Oh, shit! Fuck!

We're trapped! We're fuckin' trapped!

Over here! Over here! Go, go!

Matt: Watch it. Slow. Now. Aah.

( Overlapping shouts and cries )

Paul: Guys, this way!

Tyler: Watch out for your head, dude.

Paul: This way! ( Tyler panting; Girl cries out )

Paul: Come on!

Chad: Go, go!

( Girl crying )

Matt: Go! Girl: Aaahhh!

Go!

Almost got it!

Tyler: You go first. You go first.

Holy shit!

( Distorted audio )

Tyler: Go! Go! Go, go, go!

Matt: One more step. One more step.

Tyler: Help. Pull. Help.

Matt: Get the car! Get the car!

( Tyler panting )

Matt: What-- what's over there?

Girl: Don't... Don't leave me!

( Tyler panting; Girl weeping )

( Tyler speaks indistinctly )

( Girl weeping )

( Tyler panting )

Matt: Here. Okay. Get in.

Hold on, hold on.

Okay, okay. Her feet, her feet.

Hold her, hold her, hold her.

Tyler: I got her. I got her.

Jesus!

Here. You got her?

Yeah. ( Indistinct remarks )

Tyler: Go, Chad, go!

Paul: What the fuck was that?

Matt: Hey, can you hear me?

Can you hear me? Can you hear me?

Chad: What street are we on?

Chad: Just focus and find the fucking hospital!

I don't even know where the fuck we are!

Tyler: What the fuck was that back there, dude?

Chad: Just keep her awake! Keep her awake!

Stay with me. Stay with me.

Chad: Fuck! ( Matt speaks indistinctly )

Deep breaths. ( Chad and Paul arguing )

Hey, would you guys calm the fuck down?!

( Girl panting ) ...just breathe.

Tyler: What the fuck, dude?

Dude, you gotta hurry! What the fuck is wrong with the car?

Why are you stopping? What the hell is wrong with the car?

Dude, drive!

Fuckin' stalled, man!

Fuckin' drive, dude! Come on!

Oh, shit! Ohhh, shit!

( Distorted shriek )

What the fuck?! Where'd she go?!

What the fuck?! ( Shrieking )

Holy shit!

( Tyler panting )

What the fuck? Where'd she go?

Where the fuck did she go?

What the fuck?

Chad: The fuck was that?

( Tyler panting ) What the fuck, man?

Oh, Jesus!

Fuck me! The fuck does she want?

( Engine groans )

( Overlapping panicked chatter )

Unlock the doors, Chad.

At least open my door.

( Overlapping panicked shouts )

What the fuck, man? Unlock the doors!

Fuck! Chad!

( Locomotive brakes shrieking )

Aaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh!

( Videocassette ejects )

( Droning static and distorted audio )

( Intense rock music playing )

Go! Go! Go!

( Intense rock music continues )

( Indistinct shouts )

Girl: Aah! Aaaahhhh!

Oh, shit! Run, run, run! Go, go, go!

( Distorted, repeating audio )

( Vcr whirrs )


( Vcr whirrs )


( Vcr whirrs )


( Vcr whirrs )