Valiant (2005) Script


I think I saw something.

Steady, lads. We're almost home.

Just a few flaps more, we'll be over the White Cliffs of Dover.


Five o'clock. They're coming in hot. Then lift it 30.


Stay with me, Pirate. Pirate?

[buoy bell ringing]


Wing Commander Gutsy, this just in from a seagull near Dover.

None of them made it back alive.

None of them? But...

But those were some of our top fliers. I'm sorry, sir.

I'm just the messenger pigeon. [sighing]

If we don't find some more birds fast, our goose is going to be cooked.



[man] Birds On The March.

Across the nation and the globe, pigeons are taking wing in the fight for freedom.

Delivering top-secret messages from behind enemy lines, these fine-feathered aviators are the pride of the Allied forces.

It's the Royal Homing Pigeon Service that leads the way.

Whether cutting through enemy lines, or just cutting wise, these proud pigeons are the model of birdhood.

But don't count out the doves.

War bond birds play a vital role in raising seeds for the troops.

Wait a minute. Ahoy, mates.

Nursing doves at two o'clock.

Now, that's what I call a task force.

Luxury bird baths? Why not?

These hearty heroes need to look their best.

Of course, not just any pigeon can make the cut.

- [honking] - But there's always room for a few brave recruits.

And there they go, off to another exciting mission.

Homing pigeons, we salute you.

Wow. [cheering]


This is the shot, boys. Watch this.

Two in the corner... Felix!Felix - EC

[groaning] Valiant, do you mind?Valiant - EC Oh, sorry. Felix!

Felix! I could do it. I could do that, Felix.

Do what, laddie?

I could be one of those brave recruits, taking wing in the fight for freedom.

I know I could. I know it.


Did I ever tell you, when I was your age, I was already on the shores of France.

Aquatic Brigade. Gull Division.

If it weren't for me wooden drumstick, and that shrapnel in me poop deck, I'd be out there right now.

You're right. I'm what they're looking for.

A pigeon with that, with that something extra.

You know it's not a bloke's wingspan that counts.

It's the size of his spirit.

Hey, everybody, look outside!

Ooh. Aaah. The corkscrew.

[excited chatter]

Royal Homing Pigeon Service.

Magnificent devils.


Wing Commander Gutsy.

The most decorated pigeon ever. [Gutsy] Thank you.

Yes, much obliged. Thank you.

[Felix] Come and have a drink with me now.

What'll it be, boys? Bug juice, shaken, not stirred.

The RHPS always drinks on the house.

Ooh. Bug juice.

Shaken, not stirred.

Merci beaucoup, ma cherie.

Oh, you spoke French.



So? What's the news from the front?

Can't say, of course. Classified. [all] Ooh.

But danger is our business, and, I'm sorry to say, business is all too good.

Let me through. Got to get to Wing Commander...


Excuse me, Wing Commander? Yes?

Sir? Where do I sign up?

Aren't you a bit on the wee side?

Talk about a small wingspan, pipsqueak.

Tweet, tweet.

[clearing throat] Tweet, tweet, tweet.

Tweet, tweet? There's always a place for a few valiant birds.

Sign-up is tomorrow in London.

Love to stay and chat, but duty calls, and we must answer.

Beaks up, boys.

Let's make wind.

Hip, hip... [all] Hooray!

[all] Hip, hip, hooray!


I don't want to work.

You should have my job.

I'm far more talented and better-looking.


Herr General!

Welcome back, General Von Talon.General Von Talon Congratulations, sir. Another triumph.

Jawohl, mein General.

Under the Geneva Convention, as an officer, I have the right to be treated as a pigeon of war.

Have no fear.

You will be. [cackles]

Take him to the cage. [straining]

Get your talons off me, you filthy falcons.


[door slams shut]

Pigeons. Pathetic little creatures.

Y-You don't eat your prisoners of war, do you?

Eat you? [cackles]

I'm a vegetarian.

And yet, you wear a leather cape.

Who is your contact in the Resistance?

You know they'll send a crack team to rescue me.

Rescue you?

You're a pigeon! How important do you think you are?


"Very Important Pigeon."

Ugh. Very impudent pigeon.

Who is your contact in the Resistance?

Oh, no. Speak!

This canary will never sing.

Listen to your mother. You can't go.

Mum, there's a war going on, and I want to do my bit.

Why? Why? Why? Oh, Mum.


Those falcons are going to tear you apart.


My dear little baby. Mother, that's not helping.


Mother! Honestly, I'm going to be fine.

You were such a cute little egg.

Oh, Mum.

I'm not an egg anymore. It's time I left the nest.

[whimpering] No one thinks I can do this, and it may be my only chance to show them and myself that they're wrong.

Well, at least have some breakfast before you go.


Oh, Mum. Mum. Ugh.

No, thanks.

Oh, Valiant. Right, then.

I love you. Goodbye.

You'll always be an egg to me.

Ahoy there, Valiant. I'm off now, Felix.

Wish me luck. Good luck!


That boy's gonna get creamed.

Valiant Pigeon, fearless flyer. [laughing]

Pride of the Allied forces.

Feared by the enemy, loved by the ladies.

Ha-ha! Humble.


Spits danger smack in the eye.




Look at that. It's London! Whoo-hoo!

All right, listen up.

This is easy, for intelligent guys like you.

All you got to do, keep your eyes on the pebble here.

She's shy. Give her a chance, she will give you the slip.

Find her, and the crumbs is yours.

Easy as pie. I don't know how I stay in business.

There it is, under that one. Where is it now?

[humming] Find her and the crumbs is yours.

Which one is it under?

That one. That one?

Oh, no. Bad luck again. Gonna give it one more go?

Law of averages. I think you're gonna win this time.


Tell us, then, which one has the pebble?

Well, in all the excitement, I forgot myself.

What do you gents say to a game of, uh, football?

You big cheat! Give me my crumbs back.

On the level. I know what you're thinking.

Come and get me, falcons.



Strike me down if I tell a lie. [Valiant] Whoa!

Oh. [groaning]

[chuckling] Look. That was lucky.

Prayers were answered. That's never worked before.

Hello, mate! I lost control.

You could not have picked a better time.

Beg your pardon. Bugsy's the name.

I'm terribly sorry. I'm Valiant.

So, what brings you to my manor?

Oh, I... Well, I've come to be an aviator.

With the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.

Fighting for king and country. You don't say?

I've never been a hope-and-glory bird myself.

I'm rather partial to something called "freedom."

Yeah, I flit about as I please.

No one telling me what to do or when to do it.

Are they... Are those flies?

Oh, them. [laughing] They're friends of mine.

[coughing and groaning]

So, RHPS is recruiting? Good idea. Right this way, mate.

I'm feeling rather patriotic myself all of a sudden.

There he is! Come on. After him!

Oi! Let's get going. Come on. [whistling]

He's here somewhere. I can smell him.

Follow my lead, mate.

Hello. Two to enlist, please.

Valiant Pigeon, reporting for duty, sir.

Never heard of you. Valiant Pigeon, yeah.

The Valiant Pigeon.

You don't have Valiant on your list?

No. Whoo-hoo-hoo.

Clerical error. Should I have?

Yes, I think you should have.

Look at him. He's a perfect specimen.

Do something.

He's fast as lightning, strong as an ox.

Very tall for his height. Stand up there. Sit down.

Yeah... Oh, the bird's a legend in the Struppen... and Barkley Huntshire area.Barkley Huntshire Too small.

You should be "yea high," and you're not even "hey high."

That's charming, that is.

And you! [sniffing] Phooey!

Have you by any chance heard of a birdbath?

Sad truth is, I've got me a rare feather condition, yeah.

Can't go near a bath. I look at a bath, and it makes me itch.

Clear off, the pair of you. Get lost.

Wing Commander Gutsy, he...

Yes. Wing Commander Gutsy. That's right. Valiant's best mate.

They went to school together.

You don't want to get on the wrong side of him.

If he hears about this, you are gonna lose those stripes, mate.

You know Wing Commander Gutsy, you say?

Well, uh, yeah.

Well, that makes a difference.

Sign here. Oh, thank you.

Thank you, sir.

There he is. You dirty rat!

[squawking] When I get hold of you, I'm gonna knock your beak off. That's it.

Pigeons only. Get your hands off me!

I'm gonna get you. Go on. [Bugsy] Where do I sign up?

Just sign here.


All right, in you go. [Valiant] Thank you, sir.

[whooping] Who is this Gutsy?

If I see your ugly face around here, I'm gonna have you...


We made it. Safe and sound.

We're in the Royal Homing Pigeon Service!

The elite of the elite. Fighting the heroic battle to save...

To save our tail feathers.

Which worked like a charm.

Even though I say so myself.

With that, I'll be hitting the skyway.

Cheers, mate. Good luck.

God bless. If you make it back in one piece, be sure to, uh, look me up...

Hello? Hello?


Gents? Hello. Hello?

[gasping] No! There's been a terrible mistake!

Trust me. This is all gonna work out brilliantly.

Hey! Come on. Come back. [whistling]


I've been Shanghaied!

[military march plays]

Ah! Oh! Ah!

[muttering] Sorry.

Oh! [Valiant] Excuse me.

Beg your pardon. That's a bit bright.

[groaning] [gasping]

Wow. [laughter]


Whoa. Oh! [groaning]

Sorry about that, mate.

Didn't mean to hurt you, little fella.

Hey! Little fella?

It's not the size of your wingspan. No.

It's the size of your spirit.

If you say so, mate. Can't argue with that.

Well, I'm Tailfeather. This is Toughwood, my brother.Tailfeather and Toughwood Hi, yes? Not the sharpest beak on the block.

[laughing] He's not the sharpest beak...

What? But if you're ever in a scrum, there's no better bird to have on your team.

Yeah, absolutely. Nice to meet you. I'm Valiant.

Valiant. It's good to meet you. Let's go.

It's two for the Tailfeather. Tailfeather takes it on.

Ooh. [both grunting]


Oh, dear. [sniffing] Ew.

For a quote, elite unit, unquote, they seem to be letting in anything with wings.

Including those flies circling your bottom.

Oi, who do you think you are?

I am Lofty Thaddeus Worthington Pigeon.

I come from a long and honorable line of warrior pigeons.

Well, now, lads.

I trust you've had a pleasant journey. [Lofty] Well...

I think I speak for all of us when I say the ride was a bit bumpy on the way in.

Maybe check the suspension on that motorbike.

[Valiant] Actually, we're all a bit thirsty.

If we could have some drinks, that would be nice.

Yup. [muttering]

Oh, of course.

That can certainly be arranged.

Right after I sprout feet feathers and turn into a flamingo!

Now, fall in, featherbrains.

Fall... in!

I thought I'd seen it all.

For the next six weeks, your tails belong to me.

You'll learn to march like birds, fly like birds, and fight like birds.

I will make birds of you turkeys, even if it kills you.

Except you. You won't last a week.

Permission to die trying, sir.

Hmpf. It's like this, ladies.

You will shape up, and you will shape up fast, or I will personally drum you out of the corps!

Funny you should... I would love to get drummed out.

I was gonna bring it up if you hadn't, so...

Leave him alone. He helped me to... Pipe down, pipsqueak!

I'm more interested in having you all drop and give me 50!

Courtesy of your short little friend here.



Training at last.

[Lofty] I say, old bean, wouldn't it be more sporting if the chap who actually committed the infraction... Ooh!

Gentlemen, welcome to the Royal Homing Pigeon Service.


For the last time, what was your mission?

And where are these messages coming from?

Ha! Very well.

Have it your way.


You want us to pluck out his feathers?

And to clip his wings?

Hurt his feelings?

[laughing] [Von Talon] No, no, no.

Worse. Much worse.

We have ways of making you squawk.

[gasping] [music playing]


What kind of birds are you?

[yodeling continues]


Must resist yodeling. [shouting]

♪ Rule, Britannia

♪ Britannia rules the waves One, two, one, two.

And halt.

Now fall out and report to the nursing dock.

[gasping] Nurses!

Whoa, look at her. Hello, nurse.

Well, I've been waiting for you.

Do you have something for a brave pigeon about to go into battle? Eh, darling?

It just so happens I do have something for you.

Oh, did you hear that? [whooping]

Is this what you had in mind? [gasping]

Ooh, it's awfully big. [giggling]

You're kind of short for a nursing dove.

Look who's talking.

I'd say you're kind of short for a carrier pigeon.

I'm Valiant, by the way. All right, then, Valiant.

I'm Victoria. Ooh.

I know you lads have had a tiring day.

What you need is a nice, relaxing shower.


[screaming, groaning]


[Sarge] Then I'll treat you to a fancy dinner.




We'll get you a feather cut. [gasping]

Set you up with some uniforms.

Oh, beg your pardon.

Did that hurt? Did that hurt?

That's it.

Ah! [growling]


Then we'll all turn in for a good night's sleep.



So this is where the smelly, rotten bits of disgusting refuse are dumped.

And our sleeping quarters would be where?

[Tailfeather] I'll never sleep in here.


Oh, ho.

Well, this isn't so bad. Oh!

Oh, just like home.



I've had enough. [gasping]


Lieutenant Mercury, Royal Homing Pigeon Service.


Oh. Bring me the truth serum.

Coming up. Right away.

[laughing] Come on, come on, come on.

One shot of this, and we will know everything.

I'll never talk.

Never! Never!


[Bugsy snores] [flies wheeze]

Wakey, wakey!

You birdbrains are Squad F.

You know what that means?

Squad fantastic?

Squad formidable? No.

Philosophical? No!

It means you are the flyers... [whooping]

...of the future.

[whooping, grunting]

The far future.

But my job, somehow, is to make you the carrier pigeons of today.

Ooh. Ha, ha, ha.


Good maneuver.

It might help if you kept your eyes open.

Better get you back to your nursing dove.

Thanks, Bugsy.

You must really like it here, because this is the third time this week you've been to see me.

I wish you'd be more careful. Don't you worry.

Where I come from, danger is our business. Oh, yeah.

We spit danger in the eye.

If they can dish it out, well, I can take it.

And where do you come from? West Nestington.

That's near Nestington. It's, um...

It's to the west of it, actually. [giggling]

Oh, Valiant.

Well, I have to...

...return to my duties, so...


[Victoria] Valiant, wait. [screaming]


As homing pigeons, it's our duty to transport messages... the worst of conditions: wind, rain, sleet, snow.

Bombs exploding, bullets flying.

As if that weren't enough, Mother Nature has the audacity to create a little something called...

...the falcon. [gasping]

Twenty pounds of pigeon-eating muscle, measuring five of your wingspans.

They like to blindside their prey at speeds in excess of 200 miles per hour.

But not to bite, not yet.

The first strike is merely for impact.

They'll let you drop a bit, making sure you're defenseless, then scoop you up in their razor-sharp talons.


And in the dark of the night, you'll have but a split second to recognize friend from foe.

Friend or foe? Foe!

No, you idiots. It's a pigeon.

Friend or foe? Foe. No, friend.

Friend, or maybe... No! It's a foe.

[Bugsy] Ah, yes, yes. Friend or foe?

Friend, friend. Oh, yes, my friend.


Ninety-nine, one hundred.

[groaning] One hundred and one.

-[grunting] One hundred and two.


[Sarge] To survive his mission, a pigeon must have the strength to carry his message capsule.

[Sarge] He must have the speed to fly like the wind.



Evasive action. [Sarge] He must have the agility...

Circle. outmaneuver the enemy.

Figure eight.


[Sarge] And he must have the endurance to battle the elements, flying long distances over raging seas.


[humming] [clearing throat] Me again.


Oh! Oh, my favorite.

How did you know?


The parrot says, "How about we do a loop the loop?"

I said, "I can't do a loop the loop."


He says, "Why ever not? I say, "Why, I'm afraid of heights."

He says, "You?

Afraid of heights? That's ridiculous." [growling]

"Maybe to you, mate, but not to me." [snoring]

[Mercury laughing]

That's it, that's it. Come on. Go on.

Afternoon, Monty.Monty - unconfirmed Hello, Guts. What news? Not good, I'm afraid.

We just lost Squadron E over Belgium. [sighs]

That means these new recruits are our only chance.


They'll have to leave tomorrow. You can't be serious.

They haven't even finished their training.

Attack formation accomplished, sir. [cheering]

Yes! Whoa...

[screaming] [thud]

Ooh. [groaning]

Sorry, but those are the orders.

Have them ready at 1800 tomorrow, Monty, old boy.


Commander Gutsy's here, so...

So... I suppose you'll be shipping out soon.

[nasal voice] I know, I know. I can't wait.

This is the moment I've been waiting for.


I'd like to be part of what you come home to.

I don't care if you're a hero. Just concentrate on the getting back.



You need to understand something, lads.

Our losses have been heavy. Catastrophic.

You're all we've got.

And so, today, we fight for our country.

Tomorrow our feathers may be plucked from our lifeless bodies, our innards spread like jam on toast and our bones fed to rabid weasels.

But never mind that.

On this day, in this place, let it forever be known that you pigeons did your part in the heroic battle for...

S... Seeds!

Freedom! Right.

You will be Commander Gutsy's support wing.

[gasping] I expect you to do whatever it takes to ensure the success of his mission.

Chaps, the message we have been sent to carry is of the utmost importance.

The outcome of the war could well depend on it.

We pigeons have never been entrusted with a more critical or dangerous mission.

May you fly straight, and may your instinct guide you home.

What did Gutsy mean by "highly dangerous"?

I don't know, but I can tell you this.

[belches] I am a bird of principle.


And my number one principle is, don't get involved with anything called "highly dangerous."


And I will never violate my core beliefs.

Do not ask me to violate my core beliefs.

You're talking to the wrong pigeon. [belches]

Sir, point of clarification, please.

Regarding the dangerous mission.

I've got a doctor's note. Zip it, stinky.

Yeah, sure, I understand.

And I truly regret that I have but one life to give for my country.

I'd love to die. Love to die.

Can't. Not Sunday. Bad for me. Are you finished?

Not quite. Listen, maybe I'm not that conscientious, but I do object.

Get back to the barracks!


Do I still have to go on the dangerous mission?

Now! Yep.

I'll take that as a, "Yes, I do." Now!

[Valiant] Hey? Hey!

Where are you going? Shh. Keep it down, mate.

I got some serious flying ahead. Flying?

What do you mean? Flying to where?

Back to old Trafalgar Square.

You're not leaving. You'll break up the team.

Team? I'm not a team player.

Old Bug Buster plays solo.

Bigger question is why are you staying?

Why am I stay... Because it's my duty. It's our duty.

Oh, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Sorry.

Have I missed something? Did we start this? No.

Did we make those?

Or those?

I've seen them fall, mate, and it's not a pretty sight.

The truth is...

...I'm scared, all right?

Don't tell them that, 'cause I'll deny it.

Well, I'm scared too.

Then come with me, yeah?

Trafalgar Square'll be ours. Come on.

We didn't make Trafalgar Square either.

Where do we go when they start dropping bombs there?

No, no, I'm staying. I'm doing my bit.

Yeah. They're lucky to have you, mate.

Anyway, keep your wings dry, yeah?

[banging] Ow! Ow!

Ow! Ow! [Tailfeather] What's happening?

Shh. [Toughwood] What's going on?

It's time for me to fly the coop, all right?

So... I guess this is... farewell.

All right? Where are you going?

You can't just leave, Bugsy.

[sighing] Look...

I've got urgent business to take care of, and...

Look, I'd better catch the wind while it's blowing. All right?

Look me up when you get back, yeah?

You know where I'll be.

Gentlemen, take your places.

Our mission is to be dropped behind enemy lines in occupied France, to make contact with the French Resistance to get a vital top-secret message and bring it back here by sundown tomorrow. Good luck.

The fate of the freedom-loving world depends on us.



Hey, hey, hey, Bugsy!

You can't go without me.

I couldn't let you get all the glory.

Good luck, lads.

Hey, Bugsy.

Thanks for coming back. Ah. I'll tell you the truth.

It's the first worthwhile thing I've ever done.

We're gonna be fine. Right, Lofty?

Ah, yes, I... [groaning]

Indubitably. Birds of a feather and all that. What?


Right, Lofty, old mate. We stick together.

Hey, Tailfeather, can you believe we're the ones they picked to send on the most important mission in World War II?


Me too!


[Mercury] Truthfully, I'm not a good singer.

[growling] Always off-key. [laughing]

Enough already!

You've been jabbering for days.

Who gave me the serum?

You want me to talk? OK, I'm talking.

I'm glad you did this.

Homing pigeon racket is all well and good, but it's a stiff upper beak rubbish all the time.

I've got feelings. I want to express them.

Like, I always used to think my favorite color was blue, 'cause it's for boys... [growling]

Shut up! Shut up!


I demand better treatment. The mice don't treat me like this.

Those Resistance chappies, with their fabulous view over the harbor.

The last time I was in the attic in St. Pierre...

St. Pierre?

Oh, the truth serum is genius.

Cover his cage.

I'm curious. What is your favorite color?


Not like a hot pink or a pastely pink.

Just a kind of... pink pink. You know what I mean.

None of the rinky-dink pinks.

-[squealing] Uh, excuse me?

[embarrassed chuckle] I like pink too.

[flak exploding]

Come on. Chin up, Valiant.

Stiff upper beak.

Gentlemen, get ready to drop.

Are you ready to drop? Oh...

I think I've dropped already.

It's OK to be scared, fellows. I'd be worried if you weren't.

It won't get better, but you'll get used to it.


[buzzing] Go, go, go!


[Lofty] Oh, my!

It's jammed! Oh...

Sir, let me help you.

No. Go now! That's an order!

Yes, sir.



Come on, Gutsy. Get out of there.

Oh, come on.


[Lofty] Hello? Hello?

A little help, chaps? Hold on.

We'll get you out now. Cheers.

A bit of a tenuous landing, that, but I daresay it could've been worse.

Look out. [Lofty] Oh, my.

[groaning] Sorry, Lofty.

Not to worry, old chap.

Hmpf. I say. Bit of a muddle, this.

[chuckling] But at least we're all in one piece.

Not quite all. Where's Gutsy?

He was still in the plane. What do you mean?

His cage got stuck. I... I don't think he got out.

Ah. Well, that's it. We're dead. We're finished.

It's been a good run. Nice knowing you.

You're quite mistaken. I'm sure he made it out.

Gutsy always makes it out. He's going to come and find us and give us the plans for the mission.


Then, who has the backup plan?

You want the backup plan? Um, we die.

That's the backup plan. But I'm not ready to die.

[sobbing] Am I? No one's asked me.

So many books to read.

Regrets. Why? Why? That's it. We're all dead.

Everyone, be quiet. Quiet!

We need a plan.

The plan is... to find a safe location to plan the next move.

You heard the bird.

So, our plan is to, uh...

...make a plan.

[sighing] Come on.

France is spooky.

- Vive la France! [Valiant] Shh. Quiet.

Did you hear that? There's someone in there.

Somebody better go and have a look.

All right. I'll go.


All right, you turkeys, let's go.

Valiant, just pull yourself together.

There's nothing in here. Unless you're counting guns, bombs, The falcon. Pigeon-eating falcons. Pigeon-eating falcons?

Oh. [screaming]

[Tailfeather] Oh! Ooof.

[Lofty] Let's get you out of the grail.

Thattaboy. Come on. Here we go.

Thanks, guys. - Vive la France!

[pigeons whimpering]

Pardonez-moi, my pigeon friends.

You are the RHPS, no?

Um, yes, sir.

French Resistance, Mouse Division.

Oh. Well, am I glad to see you, I'll tell you.

How did you find us?

Well, there was the plane and the explosion.

And the screaming and the pleading. Um...

More screaming, the begging, the crying, the whining, whinging, yelling, boohooing.

[clearing throat] Enough about that.

Definitely. Yep.

Uh, allow me to introduce myself.

I am Charles De Girl.

[laughing] De Girl?

Why do they call you De Girl?

Because I am a girl.

The one and only girl. [whistling]

Oh, oh, oh, I like France.

Do you speak French? Well, um, mais oui.

Does ooh, la, la mean anything to you?

Or va-va-voom? Oh, yeah.

Does bonjour... All right.

Look, we don't have time for this.

You have a message, we have a mission. Let's get on with it.

Not so fast, monsieur.

This is Rollo.

He is an expert in sab...

[whispering] Sabotage.


[all shouting]


Rollo, not now!

No! Down! Rollo, stop!

[breathing heavily]


Now, monsieur, before you continue on your mission, it is our national custom to... Break the bread?

And cut the cheese.

Thank you, but we just don't have time to eat.

And anyway, we're birds. We don't eat cheese.

[coughing] We don't?

About that message? We will take you to it.

But the road is dangerous and guarded by the enemy falcon.

[coughing and gasping]

This cannot be a problem for highly-trained pigeons.

That is why you are Squad A, oui?

[coughing] The thing is, you see...

Squad B? Not Squad B.

Squad C? [pigeons chuckling]

So then you are Squad D.

[laughing] Just between us, Squad D was never really all it was cracked up to be.

I will not lie to you.

You will definitely be eaten by the falcons.

[Bugsy belches] Wow.

That was some fine fromage.

Can you burp on cue? Yeah.

I can burp on all the letters, not just Q.

Watch this. [burps] A.

[burps] B. [burps] C.

Shh. Be silent.

The falcons.

[loud belch] Oh.

Oh! I say.

[clearing throat] Excuse me.



[sniffing] Mmm.

Come on.

[gasping] Falcons.

All clear.


[gasping] Stop that!

Oh, Squad F!

We are here. This is invigorating.

The attic. There it is. Fly, English pigeons, fly.

[passes gas] Oh! Oh, dear.

Sorry, love. Dirty bird.

Lofty Pigeon, at your service.

Hold on, mademoiselle.

[Tailfeather] Oi, he's heavy, this one.

[gasping] [falcon] There they are.

[screaming] Faster!

Yes! Sabotage!


[screaming] [De Girl] To the right!

Over there. I am going to get you!


[falcon] Aha! [De Girl] Whoo!


Hold on, my dear.


[De Girl] This is it.

I must do the secret knock.

Who is it? De Girl.

We must do the secret password.

Jacques, there is no time!

Baa, baa, black sheep, have you any?

Oh... Wine?

No, no, no. That is yesterday's password.


Seeds? [Lofty] Petunias?

Falcons! Jacques, just let us in.



Let me give you le message.

You can give me le massage.

Can we make sure it's a full-body massage?


The message that is to go to London.

Our freedom depends on it. [banging]

[banging] [falcons shouting]

And, uh, who will carry it, then?


Wait. I'll take it.

[Toughwood] Bugsy? [Lofty] Extraordinary.

You said you weren't a team player? We'll see, won't we?

Good luck, Bugsy. May you fly straight.

And let our instincts guide us home.

[fingers snap]

[jazzy drum riff]


[♪ Edith Piaf: Non, Je ne Regrette Rien]

Goodbye and good luck, pigeons.

OK. Oh, farewell.


Absolutely charmed.


Just, uh, one tiny thing.

How are we gonna get out of here?

We're trapped! Oh, oh.

Oh, I've had an idea. I've had an idea!

[growling] Where are they?




Let's go.

Hey, it worked like a charm.

They'll be teaching that one at the academy.

I hope the others are OK. [falcon] Don't count on it.

[Valiant] Evasive action.

[screaming] Shh.

Let's go.

[screaming] Get your claws off of him.

Ow! I said let go!

I'm the one you want.

Oh, oh... Yee-ha!

You can do better than that, you English pigeon.

[screaming] Bugsy!


Dinnertime. [laughing]


It was not easy, Herr General.

But I have... [sputtering and spitting]

...captured their leader.


Well, perhaps assistant leader?

[groaning] [indistinct English]... Herr General.

Get on with it!

Oh, oh. May I present you with...

...the message, Papa?

Oh, oh.

The high commander will be pleased.


There will be medals.

Und photographs. Commemorative stamps.


[Von Talon] I will personally deliver it to him.

They must be desperate, indeed, to give the message to this putrid-smelling reject.

[fly whimpering]

Oh, [sobbing] Oh, no.

Dennis... You've squished... It was my favorite.


I am. That's exactly...

I'm putrefied, stinky, rotten.

Eat me, you'll be sick for a week.

Hmm. Take him away.

No, no. Listen, you can't.

I-I've got a doctor's note. I've got a feather condition.

[wailing] Wait.

On second thought, he may prove useful.

Yeah. Oh, yes. Oh, yes.

[kissing, spitting] Oh, thank you.

You're very wise. What do you like?

Cards? We can play cards.

Find the pebble. I've got a lovely voice.

♪ There'll be bluebirds over

♪ The white cliffs of Dover ♪ That probably annoys you. You don't want that one.

I was thinking more along the lines of a celebration dinner.

Celebration dinner. Brilliant idea. I cook well.

Not I cook well. I won't be in it.

I can make dinner. Bread crumbs. You'll love...

Oh! You haven't tried my bread crumb birdseedy thing.

[chuckles] No.

Pigeon under glass, with a lovely Liebfraumilch reduction.

[cackling] [gulping]

[snoring] [gasping]

Oh. [Mercury mutters]

Tickle. What did you do to him?


[mutters] Pink... You all right, mate?

Huh? Wait a minute there!

It's the feng shui. That little bell should be over there.

Um, OK. Yeah. [giggling]

[sighing] Who was I kidding? I don't belong here.

[exhaling] I've let everyone down.

Bugsy wouldn't even be here if it weren't for me.

Chaps, there's Valiant. Look. Follow me.

Valiant! Hey, Lofty!

Toughwood! Tailfeather! You made it.

Chaps. It's Gutsy.

You're alive! What happened? Tell us what happened.

Plane exploded. Chute gave out.

Free-fall 3,000 feet. Set upon by a pack of wolves.

Flew through barbed wire.

Picked up some shrapnel from a stray grenade.

Fought my way to the rendezvous, and here we are.

Right. We can dispense with the chitchat.

I'm guessing the falcons have acquired the message.

[Valiant] Yes, sir. Where's Bugsy?

He sacrificed himself to save me. The falcons got Bugsy and the message.

Which way did they go? That way.

[Tailfeather] Oh, no.

♪ Rule, Britannia Britannia rules the waves

Britons never, never, never will be slaves


♪ Rule, Britannia Britannia rules the waves

♪ Britons never, never, never will be slaves ♪ Snap out of it. [grunting]

[groaning] Come on, Bugsy, old boy.

Let's find a way out of here.

Where there's a will, there's a way.

[Gutsy] Right. You chaps sit tight.

I'll fly in, avoiding the various clever booby traps, and deadly ambushes, then subdue any resistance and secure the message.

Absolutely. Gutsy by name, gutsy by nature.

I will bathe.

Bring me my best cape. Yes, Herr General.

[humming Ride of the Valkyrie]


♪ Da, da, da, duh ♪

[shouting] Ow.

Join the army, you said. I didn't.

You did. It was your idea.

I've had enough of this. Not listening.

[Valiant] Quiet. Shh.

I'm afraid it's not as simple as I thought.

This is a highly-fortified bunker, stuffed to the gills with enemy falcons.

There's only one opening, scarcely big enough for a hummingbird.

It's down the barrel of that gun.

No, gentlemen, I'm afraid it's hopeless.

I'll do it.

Valiant! No!

[falcon] Nein, nein, nein. Dummkopf!




Bugsy. [gasping]



[distant voices]

Oh, oh, oh. I'm too young to die.

I can't believe... Hey!

Eh? Valiant.

Bugsy. Shh.

[Von Talon humming] Hey. The message.

It's in there.


Herr General, a cape for you.

No, no, red.

Red says "strong and decisive."

Red it is. Yes, Herr General.

Yes, that's what I'm here for.

No, no, wait.

The blue with the eggshell trim.

As many capes as you like, General.

They're coming. Gotta have this. Gotta have that.

Valiant, get down. [banging]

How many capes does someone need? I'm sick of capes.

I hate capes. I hate capes!

Ah. Um...

Here goes. [gagging]

Oh. Ugh.

[gulping, coughing, hiccupping]

I'll get you out of here, Bugs.

It's no use. He took the key with him.

Complete the mission. But, Bugsy.

I-I can't. Forget about me.

You've got the message. Now get out of here.

No. Bugsy. Go.

Don't do it.

[Von Talon humming]

[clattering] Underlingk?

[gasping] Uh... Underlingk?

Ja, Herr General?

My beak wash.

Ja, Herr General.

♪ Pin on my medals Pin on my medals

♪ Pin on my medals on my cape ♪

- Cufflingk? - Ja, Herr General?

My talon clippers.

Ja, Herr General.

[continues humming Ride of the Valkyrie]

[Von Talon laughs] Oh, I am magnificent.

Of course, you can have as many capes as you like, General.

They're coming. Huh?


Get him! Stop him!

What's going on? Bugsy!

Oh, yes! Brilliant!

Come on. Last chance. Get up. Get up!


Yuck! What is that repulsive odor?

Ahem! Not to rush you or anything. We gotta go. Come on!

[Mercury] Well done, my lad.

You're from Squad A, right? It's a long story.

I'll tell you later. [grunting]

Come on.


You idiots!

[shouting] Yeah! Valiant!

[Gutsy] Bugsy, Mercury.

[whooping] We did it!

Valiant, you made it. Well done.

[Lofty] My dear chap. And the message?

Oh, yes, sir. Safe and sound. [hiccups]

Good man. Thank you, sir.

Right, lads. We have a message to deliver.

Let's make wind.

Those falcons are gonna think twice before they try to mess with us.

[cackling] Enemy fliers.

Toughwood, Tailfeather, figure of eight.

Disperse. Yes, sir.

[growling] [whooping]

[pigeons laughing]

Well done.

Come on, lads. Attack formation.

Valiant, complete the mission. You know where to go.

[Gutsy] Keep it tight, now.

Let's go, chaps.

Come on.



[buoy bell ringing]


You look tired, little bird.

Wouldn't you like a rest... in my belly?

So... [laughing] are the elite, huh?

The best of the best? [laughing]

There's more to me than meets your eye.


I hope I'm gonna make it.

I think I'm gonna make it. I'm going to make it.

[laughing] [shrieking]

You can't escape me, pigeon.


[snarling] [screaming]

♪ What do you do with a drunken sailor

♪ Early in the morning ♪ Valiant, back so soon? And alive!

Excitable boy. [gasping]

What the... Falcon!

Sound the alarm!

Oh, my peg leg...

Sound the alarm!

Mum! Valiant!

Hi! [screaming]



[Valiant screams]

[breathing heavily]


Huh? [gasping]

It's just you and me now, pigeon.

This is where it ends.

You are nothing but a lowly wood pigeon.

You are no match for a falcon ruler.

Oh, it's just as I imagined!

Pieces and shreds!



Come on. Come on, then.

You great ugly bully! Leave him alone, you ugly falcon!

Come out, little birdie.

I may even spare your puny little life.

Just stay calm. You can do this.



My name is not Pipsqueak. My name is Valiant!

Oh, ow, ow, ow!

[Mum] Valiant. [Felix] Good lad!

Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a message to deliver.

[Mum] Oh, wonderful! That's my boy!

Valiant? You've made it?

Valiant Pigeon. [panting]

Sir, I have a message to deliver.


[man 1] Certainly, yes. [man 2] Just one moment.

Gentlemen, a change of plan. We now land in Normandy.

[man 1] A change of plan. [man 2] Normandy. Repeat: Normandy.


[cheering] [Sarge] Well done, son.

This could mean promotion. I'm proud of you.

You're a credit to the service. Thank you, sir.

Ow! It's been a... I'm sorry!

Sorry, sorry.

Valiant. Well done, old boy.

I knew you'd do it. You little beauty.

Well done, mate.

[all] Seeds!

♪ Shoo, shoo, shoo, baby

- ♪ Bye, bye, bye, baby - Ahoy there, Valiant.

Bug juice, on the house, of course.

Don't cry, baby I'm the hero around here.

I'm the hero. Do you want to see... Will you shut up?

I was doing all right till you came over.

[both grunting]

Hello, handsome. I say.

[singing continues]


Shall we shake a tail feather? Certainly.

Oh, Sergeant.

Valiant, maybe you and I could, uh...

Sorry, but I'm not available.

[clearing throat] I can't stress enough how available I am.

♪ Doo-dah doo-day

- ♪ Shoo, baby - ♪ Doo-dah doo-day

- ♪ Shoo, baby - ♪ Shoo, shoo, shoo

♪ Well, I want a little bit of quiet in the house please

♪ She wants a little bit of quiet in the house

♪ My papa's on his way to cross the seven seas

♪ So don't you cry and don't you sigh Goodbye now

- ♪ Shoo, shoo baby - ♪ Shoo

- ♪ Shoo, shoo, my baby - [scatting]

♪ Goodbye, baby Don't you cry no more

♪ Your papa's off to the seven seas

♪ Don't cry, baby

- ♪ Don't sigh, baby - ♪ Shoo, shoo, yeah

♪ Shoo, shoo, shoo, baby Goodbye, goodbye

♪ Your papa's off to the seven seas

♪ Your big tall papa's off to the seven seas ♪ Yeah!