♪ I, I, I, I, I am a man
♪ I'm a man
♪ Who loves a woman
♪ She does me cold
♪ She does me wrong
♪ She does me cruel You know that song "When I fall to pieces" by Patsy Cline?
Well that's like her biggest hit, right?
Then she goes and dies in a plane crash last March.
She actually fell to pieces.
You're so romantic, Del. The most.
You're a germ.
For some reason I'm still on the hook with ya.
You're my germ. Hmm, well...
Oh, I was comfy.
You know, speaking of germs and being on the hook and um...
Uh, jeepers, I'm flipping.
What's your story, weirdo?
I want... I wanted to, ah, I was wondering...
Thinking mainly, just, ah...
Your hands are shaking.
I practiced this fifty times and now I'm gooping it all up.
Gooping what up?
You know we've been going steady for about seven months and two weeks now, I reckon. Uh-huh.
And um, I'm just gone over you, Sue.
And I wanted to ask.
Oh, oh, oh, oh...
Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, what's wrong, what's wrong?
No Del, Del, I've been waitin' for you to ask me.
Just keep goin'.
Um, ah, well, I love you, Sue.
Oh, come on. Now you've rattled my cage.
No, you're doing great!
God... Here, ah, here.
Sue, you gotta go like this... you gotta.
Did I get it?
Dammit, Sue. Come on.
What is it?
I just didn't expect it to go down like this.
Just ask me!
Christ, Sue. Okay, um, ah...
I want you to be mine forever, I want to buy you soda pop and candy for the rest of our lives until we die just take the ring, please.
Will you just say yes, Sue!
Yes? Yes? Oh yes, I will marry you!
Yes, I will... Okay, oh...
I'm going to be Mrs. Howison.
We're going to get married and everything is gonna be perfect forever and ever.
Did you hear that?
Shh, shh. Sue. Sue, listen.
Who said that?
It sounds like someone's hurt.
We gotta go.
Isn't this where that... Listen, Sue. Listen.
Do you need help?!
Isn't this where that boy died on Halloween?
That mongoloid Crowley kid?
That's mean, Del.
Everyone says he was a monster.
Sad what happened to him.
It doesn't matter now. He's dead.
Come on, let's go home. It's gonna rain.
Someone could need our help.
See. Someone's hurt. Come on. Let's go.
Whoever it is, maybe they're gone.
Sounds like it's coming from right over there.
The hell you doin' out here?
Where'd you come from?
That you two doin' the hollering?
No. No. We heard it, too.
Figured someone was in trouble.
Let me give you a word of advice and listen close 'cause it might just save your life someday.
Sue, get back to the boat.
Run! Run back to the boat right now, Sue!
Once upon a time there was a boy named Victor Crowley.
He was born horribly deformed.
Part of a voodoo curse put on his parents.
Other children were cruel to Victor so his daddy kept him hidden in his house out in Honey Island swamp.
One Halloween night some mean kids threw firecrackers at his house.
They were just tying to scare Victor outside so they could see him but the house caught fire.
When Victor's daddy got home he tried to chop down the door with a hatchet and save him.
He didn't know that Victor was on the other side trying to get out.
It was an accident... but he hit him in the face with that hatchet and poor Victor Crowley died.
Legend says that that voodoo curse turned Victor Crowley into a ghost.
That he returns to Honey Island swamp every night.
And if you listen, you can still hear Victor Crowley roaming in the bayou, crying for his daddy.
But beware, for once you've heard his voice... it's too late.
You're already dead.
Yes, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Welcome back. Welcome back.
My guest today is the lone survivor of the horrific Honey Island swamp massacre that happened ten years ago this month.
Authorities still don't know exactly how many were murdered due to the fact that so many of the victims could only be identified by the pieces uncovered at the scene.
But to date they still speculate that at least forty were left dead at the hands of who is now known as only
"the bayou butcher".
Only one man survived the tragedy and his book, I, survivor, hits shelves today.
So, help me in welcoming back to the Sabrina Show, Andrew Yong. Yes.
Welcome back to the show, Andrew.
It's uh, great to be here, Sabrina.
It's the ten year anniversary of this gruesome, gruesome tragedy.
How you holdin' up a decade later?
The first few years... with all the press... the interviews... when I first did your show... were tough.
Having to basically relive the whole thing over and over again every single day was a never ending nightmare.
And of course there was the 2008 trial, the civil lawsuits, the accusations, the... our divorce. Uh-huh.
Authorities never did find any evidence to support your claims about Victor Crowley, and they did find your DNA on two of the victims.
Many still believe that you are the bayou butcher.
The whole DNA thing is still a mystery but as we all know I was of course found innocent on all charges and exonerated across the board.
Yes. Thank you...
So, I, survivor, tell me more about it.
Did you read it?
It's on my list, yeah...
Well, this book was probably the hardest thing I've ever done in my life.
Wow, besides single-handedly defeating the alleged ghost of local legend "Victor Crowley"? Not alleged.
There hasn't been any sightings or incidents since the tragedy.
Why wait ten years to write this book?
I had started and stopped a few times.
It was hard. I mean, obviously I've never written a book before.
But thankfully they paired me with a far more experienced writer to help me named Joe Knetter.
As you know, I was just a paramedic before all of this.
Ten years later! You are like the OJ Simpson of Honey Island swamp, wouldn't you say?
Ah, no, I wouldn't.
We'll be right back with more ghost stories from Andrew Yong when the Sabrina Show returns.
He is so hot.
I want to have fifteen babies with him.
Babe, I'm sitting right here.
We already agreed Andrew Yong is my free pass.
Yeah, well that was before there was a chance you might actually meet him because free passes don't work if you're going to meet the person in real life.
Wait, how is that fair?
You could run into a celebrity anywhere.
Especially once our movie gets made.
We'll be going to premieres, Hollywood parties...
Andrew Yong is not a celebrity.
Is that jealousy I detect?
No, it's not jealousy.
Jealousy? Yeah, right.
This guy is so full of shit he could probably open up, like, a shit restaurant... with shit... whatever.
Ooh, sick burn, Alex.
Will you just stay out of this, Rose.
You used all the hot water.
I took a shower last night.
It's your fault.
It's always your fault, Alex.
They're just boobs, Chloe.
Friends aren't supposed to see each other naked this much.
I'm okay with it.
Hey, you're the one who said I couldn't have my own room, Ms. Director.
If I have to share this condemned hotel with you and listen to you two awkwardly do it all night long, I think you can deal with my tits for a few minutes.
Wait, you heard us? Depends.
Do you mean the minute long one at around midnight or three minutes at around two-thirty?
"Do you think she can hear us?"
"Oh, no, she's definitely asleep."
"Oh, stop! Stop! Exit only, exit only!"
Which by the way, Chloe, you're missing out in a major way, you prude.
I'm sorry that you couldn't have your own room but we're on a budget, okay?
I think I just got gonorrhea from the shower.
I need to stop on the way to get more supplies for my kit.
Wait, but we'll miss the book signing.
Do you want fake blood in your horror movie or not?
Alright, well let's get a move on then.
Alex, change your clothes.
Hey, you know what I've always been wondering?
Why do they movie commercials "trailers", if they play them before the movie?
Alex, you had one job.
I got the face wrong, didn't I?
There, ah, wasn't any other daytime show I could've done besides my ex-wife's?
Sabrina's producers offered the most amount of money.
And who cares?
As your publicist, I'm telling you, you killed it in there.
No, I didn't.
That was a disaster, Kathleen.
God and she still treats me like a criminal.
People are gonna think whatever they wanna think, as long as they buy your book, why do you care if they hate to read it?
It's a good book.
It's an amazing book.
I think people are going to be very moved by it.
Are you kidding me?
I think everyone in the world is gonna love it.
How could they not?
You haven't read it either?
It's on my list.
I was exonerated!
Almost a decade ago, but everywhere I go, people still act like I, I, I... like you chopped up forty or something people in the swamp and you blamed it on a make believe ghost?
Whose side are you on?
Come on. We gotta go.
Listen to me. It's almost over.
All you have to do is cash out on the anniversary of this bullshit and then you put it behind you and you spend the rest of your life counting your money back in Japan.
I'm from Baton Rouge.
And I'm Chinese!
Are you sure?
Hey, you're shaking.
No, I'm not.
I can see the outline of your excitement dripping down the inside of your jeans.
You're not helping, Rose.
Do these jeans make me look unprofessional?
No, you look great.
I mean, if I was presenting myself as a director, I probably wouldn't have worn jeans.
I'm losing my shit, you guys.
We're about the meet the only guy to ever see Victor Crowley and live to tell about it.
I mean, if you believe in that kinda stuff, right.
Are you with me or not?
Of course I'm with you, yeah.
I believe in you, Chloe.
I believe in you, I don't believe in any of this stuff but I love you, Chloe, and I know for a fact that one day I am going to see you win an academy...
It's him. Oh my god, that's him.
Excuse me. Thank you.
Excuse me, he's here.
Yes, he is. Okay...
Oh my god.
Hang on here.
Oh, this is a big one...
All fixed. Perfect.
There you go.
Oh my god.
Do you mind?
It's Kristina, Kristina with a K.
Sure, Kristina with a K.
Should I... which... which one?
Ooh, could you do one to Kristina with a K and one for my dad?
His name's Bill...
With a B.
How much do you wanna bet that every other person in this line is pitching him on being in their movie.
He's probably going to be in every single movie now.
Probably not though.
Well, when we get back from this trip, I'm going to have a kick-ass mock trailer to add to my presentation package.
But, if could also tell potential investors that I got the real Andrew Yong to, to agree to be in the actual movie... can you imagine what they would say?
Yeah, they'd be like, "who the fuck is that?"
Nope. No, they'd say, "wow, it's the Asian Tom Hanks, here's a hundred million dollars."
Can I have the production folder, please?
You're holding it.
You see this?! Huh!?
Look at him! You murderer!
Look at his face!
His name was Chad and he was my brother and you murdered him!
Oh god, I'm sorry for your loss but I lost people in that swamp, too.
Yeah, I know you got off, but you're not gonna get away with this.
You better watch your fucking back.
You know what? Keep it.
I hope his face haunts you to your grave!
It's okay, skip.
He'll get what's coming to him.
He'll get his.
You... are going to burn in hell.
Do I have any security?
You're an ex-paramedic, not Steven Tyler.
Oh, this is Kathleen.
Yeah, I'm not gonna buy your book... probably just torrent the audio version, but ah, can you sign this?
You can make it out to Linus.
Sorry, I, I, I don't sign... those.
I just saw you sign that girl's tits.
What are you, homophobic?
I can't stop looking at it.
What's your problem? Just sign my cock.
I'd really like to... Kathleen, seriously?
Hey! Get out of here with that shit!
Go on. Move!
I'm telling everybody on the Facebook that you're a homophobe.
Most people call him a murderer, so take your best shot!
Hi, ah, Mr. Yong. My name is Chloe Benjamin.
I messaged you on Twitter.
Do you remember?
Um, I'm making a movie about the Crowley murders...
Um, we're here in New Orleans shooting a mock trailer to help raise the rest of the financing for the film and I wanted to ask you in person, well, I was wondering if... sorry, kids.
We just got the offer of a lifetime.
We are leaving now.
No, no more appearances or signings.
I told you, alright. Oh my god, totally.
Except for this one. Kathleen, I just...
Okay, sorry! Sorry, signing's off.
No, but we flew a long way to be here.
Ah, well that's really great but the autograph session is done.
Ma'am, we are making a movie about the 2007 massacre and we just need a minute...
I can't wait to see it, Wes craven.
Excuse me, everybody, but Mr. Yong has a family emergency.
Thank you so much for coming and enjoy the book.
Come on. Come on. Um, wait but...
Excuse me. Andrew, wait!
I told you that guy was a douchebag.
Come on, Chloe.
It's real crime stories, Andrew.
It's primetime network television.
It's just one more interview.
I don't care what show it's for, okay.
I've told you a thousand times, I'm never going back to that swamp.
It's two hours, three hours tops.
I mean, maybe five hours, whatever, but they take us and a small camera crew and a host and they fly us in the private network jet... fancy, huh?
And then they have you looking down on the area, all you know, sad and reflective, and whatever the fuck, and then we land and they get the exclusive and then we get paid. Well, you, you get paid a fuck ton.
I'm not doing an interview at the site of the murders.
Yes, we are and we need to hurry up because we need to stop at my place so I can change my outfit again because I can't meet the real crime producers in this.
Stop, Kathleen, okay?
I have another outfit in my trunk.
Over my dead body am I going back.
For any amount of money.
They offered six-hundred thousand.
But I got them up to a million.
I feel sick.
I didn't realize you were so scared of flying.
I'm not scared of flying, I'm scared of what's in that swamp.
You mean the swamp that's as busy as Bourbon Street with all the tours they do now?
There's nothing left in there but a bunch of morbid sickos wanting to see the scene of a mass murder.
Ugh, people today are just broken.
Would you like a Xanax, Ambien, Valium, Vicodin, Dilaudid, Percocet, Oxy?
I've got heavier stuff if you want it.
I'm good, thanks. Okay.
I get migraines when I do stuff.
Oh, excuse me, Mr. Pilot.
I didn't see the Indiana Jones plane landing things.
How do we land in the water?
This aircraft doesn't do water landings.
No. We're actually landing on a private runway in sliDell about two miles outside of Honey Island.
So we do have to get on a boat?
I feel so sick.
Stop it. I was fixing my shoe.
Give me that back. Give me that back.
Not in front of the crew. Could you be professional?
Child, please. You ain't foolin' no one, everyone knows you two are bangin'.
So who's interviewing me?
Oh, you know, probably like Ed Bradley or someone respected.
Ed Bradley died.
Ah, would you look at that.
Ahh, good afternoon.
This is, ahh, co-pilot Craig Borden.
Ahh, flying time to SliDell today, a, ahh, quick thirty five minutes.
Ahh, apologies for the Delay.
We had, ahh, minor issue with our right engine, but we are... all clear and... ready to go.
Smooth skies today, though, ahh, might have some minor turbulence over, ahhh, Jean Lafitte.
Ahh, word from the tower is that we are... second in line for takeoff.
I just wanna point out that it's kinda fucked up that you could afford to pay a guy for a private overnight tour while I share the same room in motel hell with you two.
She didn't have to pay this guy.
Turns out one of the tour guides here just so happens to be an aspiring actor, so I promised him a part in the movie and that he'd get his sag card if he'd do this for us for free.
Already promising actors things you can't deliver on?
You might make it in Hollywood after all, Chloe.
Do you guys see this?
This is disgusting.
Victor Crowley dolls.
There are collectors that will pay a fortune for one of Gacy's clown paintings or whatever, a Victor Crowley doll is nothing.
Yeah but what kind of a sick freak buys something like that for a child? That's... for my niece.
Well alright, pilgrims.
Let's get a movin', we're losin' daylight.
You lookin' at me?
Are you looking at me?
I think it's "talking to".
Wait 'til they get a load of me.
Hey. Alright, guess this one.
It's me, Christopher Walken.
I'm still work shopping that one.
What's up? I'm Dillon.
Actor. Tour guide.
But mostly actor.
A blow job would have been way less painful.
Hey, Dillon. I'm Chloe the director.
Oh, yeah, we spoke on the phone.
Yeah, uh... Did you check out my...
This is Alex, my boyfriend, uh, who's helping out and playing the role of Benjamin Schafer. Great.
And this is Rose, she's doing makeup effects and everything else.
Rose, by any other name.
I have a dick.
So where'd you study?
I went to undergrad at Salem State.
No, where'd you study acting?
Ah, I never studied that.
Alright, well don't sweat it, okay.
I'll show you the ropes.
I'm the king of improve in Jean Lafitte parish.
Headshots. I brought em'.
Sure. Army guy.
And then I printed out a regular headshot but black and white.
I didn't know if this was a period piece or anything like that so... you know this is just like a fake trailer though, right?
Did I tell you that every character in my script is named after an actual victim?
I got it but I didn't get, you know, a script...
If we have to get on a boat anyway, explain to me again, why we gotta fly in?
We're flying in because we're getting footage of you looking down at the spot at magic hour, you know, right as the sun sets.
I wasn't asking you.
In fact, we should get you mic'd.
Can you please get a microphone on Mr. Yong?
What do you need to be ready to shoot?
Just sound, last looks and I'm ready to roll.
Oh, did I hear, "last looks"?
Hold tight just one second until Audids finished, Jay.
Not much room to move in here.
So no lights for this, Casey?
Are you kidding?
No, no, no lights at all.
Unless I can plug them into your asshole.
I heard that.
Hey, pledge, how about a hot brick standing by?
It's "copy", Zach.
Ten-one means you're taking a piss.
Oh, yeah, sorry. Copy.
Oh, Mr. Zach.
Do you happen to know what a ten-two is?
Ah, is it, poop?
Ding, ding, ding, ding, what do you know, the pledge knows his shit.
You sir, may have a nice long future in production after all.
I thought there would be tours going.
Yeah, most tours only run until midnight on weekends but after about four years, business slowed down.
Now there's just not enough customers to make weeknight tours worth it.
Babe, are you hearing this?
The reviews are in, Victor Crowley's not relevant anymore.
Whoa! Not true, man.
They're shooting like, five Victor Crowley movies as we speak.
Two are like straight up slashers, one's some jump scare ghost movie thing, and I think the other two are remakes.
Fuck those other movies, they're all gonna suck.
How do you know?
Because they didn't cast me.
Hey, how you doin', buddy? I'm Austin.
Andrew. All right.
Nice to meet you, Andrew. I need you to do me a favor.
Just drop the back of that cord right down your shirt there.
That is perfect. Thank you.
Where in New York are you from?
Let me guess, the accent gives it away?
Staten Island actually. You ever been?
Well, you gotta go.
It's the Jewel of the east coast, my man.
It's gorgeous, but I had to come down to Louisiana about nine years ago because it was booming for production jobs, now I'm probably going to Atlanta because that's where it's at.
So, what, no interest in LA?
No, I'm not an asshole.
You were really there when all that crazy shit went down ten years ago?
And you actually saw that swamp monster ghost guy, Vincent Crosby or whatever?
Dude, that is funny.
Yeah, it's hilarious.
Hey, Chloe. What's up?
How do you pronounce this?
It's, urn... I don't know.
"Una-dolama ree-culla ey-yoo-neesus" whatever.
It doesn't matter if you get it exactly right, 'cause no one is going to know the difference.
What language is that?
I don't know, but it's supposed to be the actual voodoo curse that Shyann Crowley put on her husband and the slutty nurse that he knocked up.
How do you know that?
The Internet told me.
Hey, you know, YouTube is an excellent resource for black magic and occult rituals.
Okay, I thought it was just cat videos and dipshits watching other dipshits play video games.
I watch a lot of that.
Hey, you know maybe we can see how someone else says it...
The correct way to say the curse that created Victor Crowley, necru...
Say a few words for me.
Yeah, just like, count to ten or something.
Three... That's it!
Oh my god!
Jay, my man. It's all you.
Hey, is this really necessary?
The curse that created Victor Crowley?
It's only the most important part of the movie I'm making.
I know, I'm just saying, we could do the voiceover in post.
I want to get a closeup of Rose's mouth whispering it, okay?
So just be cute and stay out of it.
You know, I'm gonna stay out of it.
You know what they say, it's all hurry up and wait.
Hey there, Mr. Yong.
What, who me?
No, I'm just here to make you look fabulous real quick so do me a favor and go on and look up for me.
Up, up, up, up, up. Oh, oh.
There you go. Find your happy place up there.
It's beautiful, isn't it? Good.
So is it true that you were there when everything went down ten years ago?
Yes. I saw Victor Crowley.
Ooh, freaky, mmm.
But I got to know, what did he look like?
Listen, don't be scared, honey, it takes a lot more than a little bit of turbulence to take down a big old plane.
I've been traveling internationally, in fact, Japan is one of my favorite places...
Help! Help me!
I'm burning! I'm burning!
There's like, fifty different ways of saying this.
I told you, it really doesn't matter if you get it exactly right because... what the hell!
Oh my god, where the hell did that come from?
Wait, wait, everyone wait.
He's dead. No shit!
He just fell out of the fucking sky.
That's not a real person!
People don't just fall out of the sky.
That sounded like a plane crash.
Oh my god. No.
Where are you going?
To help! There might be survivors!
She's hyperventilating. Stay with her.
Shh. Clam down, Chloe. Just breathe, alright?
Rose, I need your phone!
Chloe, no don't look at the body.
You don't need to see this, alright.
Just don't look at the dead guy, look at me.
Malala-una-dolama ree-culla e y-yoo-neesus...
Austin, I'm stuck!
Help, I'm stuck. Okay, baby, hold on.
Alright, hold on. Hold on.
Look, I have to get help, okay?
Austin, are you okay?
Yeah, I think so.
My ribs hurt and I think I broke a foot.
How about you?
Yeah, okay, listen. Just stay there, alright?
Don't move yet.
I don't know!
It sounded like the engine exploded.
Are you alright? Are you hurt?
No, no, no! Don't! Don't!
You gotta be fucking kidding me.
Hey, wake up!
Are we there?
We were in a plane crash.
Oh, I hate that.
Wake up, the plane crashed!
Oh my god! Am I okay?
Oh, shit! What's that?!
We can't open the door from the outside! Open the door!
Hey, there's people out there. Thank god!
Can you get it from over there?
Hey, hey, it's okay. It's okay.
I got you. My name's Rose.
What's your name? Austin.
Hey, hey. How many people are in here?
I don't know...
Help. I'm stuck.
Okay, listen up!
My name's Dillon.
Your plane has crashed.
Alright, I've got a boat not far from here.
We're gonna get you all help but first I need everyone to get off the plane.
Can you walk?
Uh, yeah. Yeah, I think I can.
Alright, if you can walk I need you to move.
Alright, come on let's go!
Hey man, you okay?
Oh! Oh, god!
Is that person...? Don't, don't, don't look. It's bad.
You're that guy! Not, not now.
Guys, I think the water's getting higher.
Give me a hand.
Alright, it's stuck, it's stuck!
What's your name?
I'm, I'm Casey.
Listen, I just need you to hang tight for a little bit, okay.
I've got a boat, it's got tools on it.
I'm gonna cut you free. No.
No, please don't leave me here.
Please don't leave me here.
Where's Austin? Austin!
Casey, Casey, Casey.
I don't know how to tell you this but Austin's dead.
Dude, I'm right here.
Austin's alive. He's alright!
I thought those legs, you know... Austin!
Okay, stay with him, we're gonna go on his boat.
Okay, you're Austin.
Yeah, I'm alive.
What? Fuck what?
Nothing, nothing. You're okay.
I don't wanna drown.
Please, baby, I don't wanna drown.
No, you're gonna be okay. I promise.
We're gonna get you off this plane in a couple of minutes and we're all gonna be okay.
Promise me I'm not gonna drown.
Listen, I'm not gonna let you drown.
It's super important for my life that I don't drown.
I promise. We're gonna be okay.
We have to make it.
You and I will.
Me and you...
me and little you.
I told you to pull out, you asshole.
Why aren't they back yet?
They probably just found some survivors and they're just helping them.
We should be helping.
Are you okay? Can you breathe?
Yeah, I think I can.
I don't wanna be here.
Come on. Let's see if we can go help.
"ree coola-ey-yoo-neesus-favalla. "
And that is the correct way to say the curse that created Victor Crowley...
That woman, Casey, inside.
She's trapped underneath the chair rails, the water level's rising pretty quick so we're going to head over to my boat, I think I have some tools.
What are the chances of you guys being out here in the middle of the nowhere?
I guess tonight's your lucky night.
Get back on the plane!
Hey guys, it's someone fucking with us.
Come on. Come on. Come on.
Hey! We need help!
We're over here!
We're on the shoreline about four hundred yards from the boat landing.
You are going to stop yelling and get on that fucking plane right now or I am going to kill you, understand?
Jesus. You really are a psychopath like they say.
Oh, you think I'm scary?
That thing in the woods is death itself and it's coming for all of us.
Now get inside if you want to live through this.
Did you hear that?
It sounded like someone yelling.
We must be close. The plane's gotta be this way.
You good? Yeah.
Oh my god.
What the hell?
I guess this was his house.
It's part of the tour.
They made this place a memorial?
What's next, a petting zoo and a roller coaster?
It's a motion sensor.
Oh, come the fuck on.
It's a... it's a speaker.
I bet they've got speakers in all of these trees trying to scare the tourists.
Well it's working because I'm about to shit my pants.
Hide in here.
What the hell was that?
What was that? What was that?
Please, please, it's too loud.
Hey, hey! Stop it!
Guys, there's too much weight, she's gonna drown!
Guys, you have to get off the plane right now or Casey's gonna drown.
No one gets out of the plane.
Dude, did you hear what the fuck I said?
Back the fuck off.
And he has a knife!
You said this door couldn't be opened from the outside?
I think so but I didn't design the plane.
So then we're safe in here, right?
From whatever's yellin' out there?
He's got, he's got things, alright?
A belt sander, he cut through a metal wall in my ambulance boat.
Well, hopefully no one left a belt sander out there for the past ten years, right?
Look at all this shit.
At least we found the light.
Ah, leave it to us to find the only hiding place without a door.
When we get outta here I'm gonna...
Alex, I can't breathe.
Baby, baby, I need you to calm down, okay?
There's nothing out there.
See, I don't even think it's a motion sensor.
I think it's on a timer or something.
I mean, if we're gonna hide in here we may as well turn off the...
Run, Chloe! Run, Chloe!
Is this even working?
I don't think so.
There's too much weight.
We're just makin' it sink faster.
So go back outside!
If we go out there we all die.
God, enough with your ghost bullshit, man.
Then see what happens!
God, I'm trying to keep as many of us alive as possible!
Oh, says the accused mass murderer, holding the knife!
She makes a good point.
I've got complete strangers who want to kill me everyday.
You'd have something for protection, too.
He makes a good point.
Chloe and Alex. They're still at the boat.
Hey, if you can call them we can get them to bring the boat around.
My phone's back there with them.
Nah, mine's on the boat charging. alright, alright, who in here still has a working phone?
Kathleen, is mine still on my seat?
No, I don't see it. It must have fallen out.
Mine's in the water.
No one has a phone?!
Oh wait, wait, wait, I have mine and it's okay.
Oh, shit, there's no service.
Hey, I got it.
If I break this window and hold the phone out just far enough, I may be able to get a signal.
Fuckin' asshole, that window's open right there.
Yeah, but the cell tower's on this side.
I know the area, okay?
Oh, my god. I have to get outta here.
Guys, I can't breathe.
I can't take it in here anymore.
I gotta get outta here.
I can't take it in anymore. I gotta...
What about the radio in the cockpit?
Nah, dude, the cockpit's destroyed.
There ain't nothin' workin' in there.
Trust me, dude, you do not wanna go in there.
What are you doing?
I'm looking for something to break the window with.
Again with the fucking window?
If the windows were breakable there would be crazy people trying to smash them and take down planes all the time.
Guys, I have to tell you something about...
I can't take it in here anymore.
I have to get outta here. I have to get out!
Look at me!
You can breathe just fine. See.
Where are my pills?
There's my bag!
Go to the door!
Rose, let me in!
Chloe, go to the door! Chloe!
I can't hear you!
Oh my god!
Wait! Wait! Turn around!
Where... where'd she go?
Where... where'd he go?
Austin, I can't hear anything!
What's going on?
What the fuck was that?
I told you. I told you he was real.
He's gonna get all of us!
Hey, hey, hey. Is she okay?
Yeah, yeah. She just swallowed some water.
But there's something I'm trying to tell you guys. She's... pregnant!
That's what he's trying to say.
I'm fucking pregnant.
Don't everybody celebrate at once.
No. No gifts, you guys.
Just get me out from under these fucking seats!
I can't stay here! I can't breathe!
Hey, hey, hey... you.
How far's your boat?
I don't know. Like, fifteen minutes, ten if we run.
Hey, you're not suggesting we go out there now?
Look, I've been here before, pinned down on an ambulance boat.
He's gonna find a way in here somehow.
All this did is buy us some time.
Alright? And time... time just ran out.
But you survived, right? You made it.
Because he was distracted by something else!
There was these voices yelling off in the distance and then he just took off after them.
Next thing I know, the National Guard was just there with their helicopter picking me up.
I thought you single handedly fought off Victor Crowley and tried to save as many as you could?
At least that's what he wrote in his bullshit book!
So you did read it!
The publisher had my ghost writer embellish some parts, alright?
Fucking Joe Knetter...
But the rest of it is almost all true-ish.
Look outside! You still don't believe me?
Oh, I don't know what's more humiliating about that fucking book.
The fact that you described our wedding night or that cheesy dedication to me on the first page.
Those were song lyrics.
Good night moon is a children's book, not a song.
And it didn't even make any sense.
"Good night kittens and good night mittens, I miss you, Sabrina."
Fix your wig.
Okay look. We've got two options:
Wait here to die and watch Casey drown under our own weight...
Or Dillon and I make a run for his boat.
We'll call for help, come back with the boat, pick everyone up.
You do have a radio on your boat, right?
I'll do it. I'll do it. Let me go.
What? Austin, no!
I'm fast, case. I ran track in high school.
I hate to break it to you but high school was a long time ago for you!
Alright, yeah, I put on a few pounds. So what?
I've seen men try and run out after they knocked up their onset hookup but this is some next level shit.
I'll pretend there's some free donuts out there, alright.
I can make it.
I wanna save you, case.
Please, Austin, just stay here.
Hey, Austin, you don't know where the boat is buddy, alright.
She's still breathing.
Chloe, she's still alive!
It's a trap.
She's still alive.
He's using her as bait to get us out of the plane.
We can't leave her out there.
He wants us to open the door.
You're gonna get yourself killed and all of us with you.
She's my best friend.
I'll do it.
I'll go get her.
What are you doing?
Looking for something to fight back with when hatchet face shows up again.
No, I mean what are you doing... I'll go.
I got this, okay?
Just promise me one thing.
When I get back, I get a kiss.
Just one kiss.
In case we don't live through this.
Are you fucking kidding?
Hey, you are the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.
My heart's been pounding since the moment I laid eyes on you.
One kiss when we get back.
Save my best friend and I'll fucking marry you when you get back. How about that?
Fucking white guy hero night up in this bitch.
I'm gonna hold you to that.
And I don't care that you have a dick.
I don't... have a dick.
It's a thing from earlier.
What was that? Huh?
Tell me that was you.
Oh my god!
Stop! Stop! Stop!
Stop! Stop! It's just a water snake, it's not gonna hurt anybody!
I can't die in here!
Hey, hey, hey!
Hey! What are you doing?!
Oh my god! Those are his brains!
Oh god. What are you doing?
He's coming! He's coming! Run!
911, what's your emergency?
Ma'am, what is your location?
Ma'am, I'm afraid you're breaking up.
What's going on?
Oh, thank god.
Please don't leave me.
I don't wanna drown!
Austin, please don't let me drown.
Don't leave me.
Everybody hold on! What?
Everybody hold on!
He's on the roof!
He's on the roof! We're sinking!
I survived this thing ten years ago and I'm right back here again.
Only this time, I'm not gettin' out.
This is fucking bullshit.
Why did you come back anyway?
Because even I'm too stupid to say no to a million bucks.
I'm sorry. What?
A million dollars for what?
Not for this?
Yes, for this.
Kathleen said I am getting a mil.
Oh, I hate to break it to you, buddy, but there was no way in hell you were getting a million dollars.
That was the deal.
Oh, you dumb, stupid man.
Maybe that's what your walking pharmacist of a publicist told you before she straight up fisted herself but you were getting twenty five grand and that's before taxes and commissions.
We have interviewed holocaust survivors.
We have spoken with firefighters that were inside the World Trade Center on September 11th and you think that you, Andrew Yong, a fucking nobody, self-important piece of shit, are worth a million dollars just for telling the same damn story you've been tryin' to cash in on for what, a decade now?
You're not a hero.
You're just a pathetic little man who turned a profit on other people's deaths.
Oh, oh, wait. Oh, I'm sorry.
I forgot to mention failed, wanna be musician.
Isn't that right, Andrew?
Oh, oh, holdup.
Y'all never heard of the band Haddonfield?
Glam metal sucked in the eighties and it sucks now, Andrew.
And after tonight, you'll still be nothing more than a number in a news story's body count.
No one will even care about you or ever love you, Andrew fucking Yong.
It must be really hard to be a talk show host.
To build a career out of talking to people who actually have interesting experiences to share.
To know that in just a year or two, a younger, prettier version of you's going to take your spot.
To have no skill other than being pretty and being able to read words that other people wrote off of a teleprompter.
Congrats on your amazing achievement of being born pretty.
I will have you know... Eat my asshole, discount Oprah.
I'd look under my seat to see what wonderful gift your producers left there for all of us but I think I've seen enough dead bodies for tonight.
Thank you. No, fuck you, too.
The only worthwhile thing you've ever done is when you signed that guy's cock at the bookstore earlier today.
Ah, I didn't sign it.
You've made a living cashing in on people's death.
You're just a raging sloppy garlic cunt.
And I'm here because I was helping my friend make a B-slasher movie about a real life tragedy where real people got massacred so I'm no better than any of you.
Maybe we're all getting what we deserve.
I, I, I didn't do anything bad.
Shut up, Dillon!
Is he gone?
Hey, hey, come here?
You work these tours, right?
Why tonight? Hmm?
The swamp has gone a decade with incident and it's become this theme park for all things Crowley.
So why's this all happening again tonight?
I blame you.
I don't know.
Maybe he, you know, the ghost comes back every ten years... like the Loch Ness monster, or like slender man.
Or, honestly I'm just making this fucking shit up, I don't know!
We did this.
My friends and I.
Hey, no, don't say that.
Chloe wanted to film me saying the voodoo curse that brought Victor Crowley back way back when... we couldn't figure out how to say it so I pulled up all these videos on YouTube that had all these losers in their mom's basements saying the curse.
Maybe that's what brought him back. I... maybe YouTube brought Victor Crowley back from the dead.
Do you even hear yourself?
I had a YouTube channel.
If anybody's interested.
It's called "Chillin' with Dillon".
I've got 86 subscribers.
Well, 85 now.
Hey, what if Victor Crowley comes back every ten years?
We played the curse.
Like, a ton of times.
Here in the swamp.
Do you have a better idea what brought him back?
Maybe he comes back every ten years.
A different better idea.
I kissed you.
It was awesome.
Okay, whatever the case, he's out there and we're in here.
He only haunts the swamp at night, right?
Yeah, I mean, that's the legend.
So, we wait it out in here.
The sun comes up and we walk right outta here.
No. The sun is still a long time away.
I am sure people are looking for me by now.
In fact if... Jesus!
What... well, don't touch it!
Her phone might still work.
Are you kidding?
It has been inside... It has been inside...
Oh, that is fucking sick.
I can't get it loose.
It still works!
Well, what the fuck are you waiting for?
Call for help!
Anyone know her password?
God! It was just ringing.
Whoever called is probably going to call again.
You don't need a password to answer a phone, alright.
So the next time it rings, just answer it.
Hey, hey, are we positive that no one else has a working phone in here?
Ah, sure, just be a love and reach under the seat here and dig mine out of the two feet of mud and water it's been soaking in.
Which one? This one?
Lead the way to your boat. We're gettin' out of here.
Wait, wait, wait. Don't we need a plan?
Like, what is the plan?
Hey! Wait! What's he got now?
What did I tell you?!
Somebody actually left a belt sander out here for ten years!
What the hell's that?
This thing still has power.
So what. Even if we still have power are we just going to just take off an fly outta here?
Of course not.
But think about it... if there's power...
If there's still power what?! Use words!
The engine outside.
If we can fire it up we'll have something to fight back with!
Did you ever see a bird go through a jet engine?
So we push him in the engine?
If we can get it started, yeah!
It could work!
Of all the motherfuckers I coulda been in a plane crash with... Fuck me!
How do we turn it on?!
Leave that to me.
I got this.
We are so dead.
I can do this.
We're running out of time in here!
Keep that door locked and stay quiet!
We're going swimming.
Just turn on, you slutty whore!
That's what I'm talkin' about! Dillon time!
Oh, why? Why?
Which way's the boat?
What about Dillon?
We can't leave him.
I'll distract him, okay? Just go!
I'm not leaving him.
Hey! I got the engine going!
Oh my god.
Did you hear that?
Dillon got the engine on.
Give me that phone.
The phone. Give it to me.
We can't use it. Give it to me!
Hey, what are you doing?!
Mayday. Can anyone hear me?
My name is Dillon...
Captain Dillon McMaster of the... of the USS fucked.
Our plane is crashed in the Honey Island swamp.
Passengers are dead and ah, we're being attacked by Victor Crowley.
This is not a joke.
Alright, I'm serious. Can anyone hear me?
We need help.
Mayday, this is General Dillon McMaster.
We've crashed in the Honey Island swamp and need help.
This is a consulate ship on a diplomatic mission.
Oh, oh the boat. The boat.
Oh, fuck thank god, thank god, thank god.
This is first lieutenant, general commandant Dillon McMaster, the second.
My plane has crashed in Honey Island swamp.
Many casualties and I'm under siege by Victor Crowley.
Anyone out there please help...
This is a private frequency.
Stay the hell off of it.
Hello? Hey, who is this?
Please, anyone! Help!
Are you out there?
Open the fucking door!
You came back.
Of course I came back.
Well, look, I got the engines running and I've been calling for help so...
I dropped my knife.
Is there something in here we can fight back with, like a gun or...?
Oh... just a flare gun.
Hey, hey. We're almost out of fuel so if we're gonna make a move, we gotta make it now.
Okay, let's go.
I didn't mean now.
Where's Rose and that terrible woman you married?
Hopefully they made it to the boat!
I didn't see.
Whose boat? My boat?
No, my boat. Yes, your boat!
They're not gonna get very far.
Keys, keys, keys, keys. Where are they?
Don't turn around! Just run!
Come on! Shit!
Come on! He's coming!
Come on! Run!
Yeah, well, I was aiming for his balls so...
Come on, come on, come on! Get up here!
I've got this.
Though she be but little, she is fierce.
Ok, shoot him, Yong!
Go to hell, you ugly bastard!
Maybe, uh, no more one-liners?
Fuck my life.
I would of had your babies.
we interrupt this program with a Nreaking news report.
Tragedy has once again hit New Orleans as at least seven have been killed in a plane crash.
A private plane that went missing early last night, KWAJ airlines flight 331, has been discovered this morning in Honey Island swamp.
We're told that so far only two survivors have been located.
However, search and rescue teams are still on the scene as we speak.
Authorities say that the aircraft was chartered by... uh, hold on.
I understand that we have an eye witness on the phone.
Are you part of the recovery team?
Yes, ma'am, I'm here.
Is there any information as to the cause of the crash?
Well, it looks like there's some kinda fire or explosion.
I mean, we're finding bodies everywhere though.
I mean, even where we are now deep in these woods there's still people and pieces turnin' up everywhere.
Is it possible that victims were thrown that far from the crash?
Well, that's just the...
I mean, there's just no conceivable way that almost everyone on board was thrown from the plane.
I mean, only three or four bodies were found inside the plane and the rest are, god they're... stand by, sir.
I'm being told that what we're seeing now are the two survivors of this horrific crash.
That one of them appears to be Andrew Yong?
Yes, we have confirmation that one of the two survivors is indeed Andrew Yong, the survivor of the 2007 Honey Island swamp massacre.
Sir, are you still on the line?
Ah, we just located another victim inside a shed here.
It's... oh lord, it's on the old Crowley property.
I'm sorry, sir, did you say...
I've been waitin' for you, motherfucker.