Waking Ned Devine (1998) Script

Saturday evening, and the universe is much the same... as at any other point in the history of the world.

The planets and stars orbit and spin... and do everything that is expected of them.

On earth, as the sun sets, millions prepare... for a weekly event which is far less predictable.

In sixty-three countries around the world... dozens of lottery machines spin hundreds of lottery balls.

It takes seconds for the winning numbers to be selected... seconds for the losers to realize they've lost... but for the winners, it is an event... which will undoubtedly change their lives forever.

Lucky sods.

Hello again, and welcome... to the National Lottery's weekend draw... for Saturday, the 21st of August.

We're coming to you live tonight from the heart of Dublin... where we are, as we speak, calculating the total amount... of the jackpot to be claimed tonight.

As always, we shall be bringing you up to date... with the total jackpot and all the lotto news... in our round-up program which follows directly after the news.

But for now, let's concentrate on the game in hand... and get this week's draw underway.

Just to remind you, if you can match six numbers...

Annie, where's me ticket?

In your trousers.

Oh, Lord.

Here's Alan Fergis... our independent observer this evening.

Alan is from Stokescroft Financial Services... and we're very honored to have him here tonight.

There's all your numbers numbers one to forty-two poised and ready...

Annie, bring me me apple tart, will you?

Fetch it yourself.

We start the draw drum, release all forty-two numbers.

Annie, the lotto's starting.

...as we wait for the first number... to come from the draw drum.

And our first number is... nineteen.

Oh, yes. There she goes.

Number nineteen. Annie, come in.

Bring me me tart. We've got the first one.

It's... number forty.

Jeepers, Annie.

Will you believe it? I've got the second.

Our third number is number four.

Oh, will you look at that, girl?

Here's our fourth number... seven.

Can you believe it, Annie? Number seven!

Will you come in out of that? We got the first four!

You're havin' me on.

Shush, shush, shush.

...is twenty-five. Twenty-five.

Annie... we've got it.

Jesus, Jackie... that's five.

Oh, God help us. God help us.

And now here's the sixth number...

Twenty-nine. Yes! Yes, yes.

Finally, our bonus number...

Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes!

Have we won?

No, but it got me apple tart brought in now, didn't it?


Subtitle: sync, fix: titler

I wish I was a fisherman Tumbling on the seas Far away from dry land And its bitter memories Casting out my sweet life With abandonment and love No ceiling bearing down on me Save the starry sky above with light in my head You in my arms



Michael O'Sullivan, are you a millionaire?

Now, Jackie, would I spend me time... sittin' on this old beach if I was a millionaire?

I believe you would.

Hold on there now. I've some mighty news.

Are you going in for a dip?

More important things to do.

Look and see what I've found... in the small print of the Irish Times last night.

Look at it, the front page, down at the bottom... winkin' at ya, lotto results.

Winner from County More West.

A local winner? God, that's a thing.

Jeepers, Michael, it's more than local.

County More West is big, but there's only one village in it.

Tullymore. Tullymore.

Is this a fact, Jackie? A winner in the village?

In Tullymore itself, yes.

And how many are living there now?

Well, there's fifty-two precisely, Michael.

If you've not won, I've not won, and Annie's not won... that leaves a total of forty-nine.

Jesus, forty-nine... and one is a winner.

Has the news reached Tullymore?

Nobody's figured it out yet... so nobody knows but the winner.

God, it's mighty. Does Annie know?

She does. She's looking for the winner now.

If a goose comes along To sing her song Then I'll light a fire With a big pot on Well, you're blessed with a grand voice, Mrs. Kennedy.

How long can a man sit on a fortune... without spending a penny, Jackie?

As long as he wants, Michael.

The longer it's sat on, the bigger our share.

Jesus, man! Where's it from?

Does it suit me, Maggie?

It does at that. Will you marry me, then?

Oh... Da!

Can I marry your daughter now I'm driving a convertible?

It must be stolen, that.

Come for a ride like the old days.

Finn, darlin', you know I would... if it wasn't for the smell of them pigs.

What about me young man there?

Maurice, will you come for a ride in the racing car?

Grampy, can I go?

No. Please?

Brendy, is me puncture mended?

Come back tomorrow.

I could've done it quicker meself.

We find the winner and make sure... we're their best friends when they cash the check.

Well, come on, then.

I'm not sure.

So, you think it's a woman?

I'm just saying it might be.

If it's a woman, I'll chat her up... and we'll be off before you knew it.

I'm bursting with news. I think I know who's won.

That's mighty, for I've an idea I know myself.

Annie, what's the noise?

It's Michael... and he knows the winner.

Well, come on. I want to hear it up here. So?

Jesus, Jackie, do you think you're the Pope?

Shouting out the bathroom window for the whole village to hear!

Well, come on, out with it.

It's Mrs. Kennedy.

Oh, now, I've got someone else.

Well, speak up, man. Pig Finn.

Will you look at that... there's 49 possible winners, and we're down to 2 already.

Go away out of that. We're in the bath!

Jackie, it's Finn. Are you up for a pint?

I want to ask your advice on something.

He's after advice on his money.

Say you will.

Aye, I'm up for a pint. I'm just out of me bath.

I'll see you at Fitzgerald's in ten minutes.


Yeah, I know. There's a terrible stink on him lately.

Evening, Jackie, Michael.


Dennis, have you seen Pig Finn?

His glass is there, and himself is in the toilet.

Two pints for us, and one for me old friend, Pig Finn.

Oh, and let me buy him a packet... of his favorite Mexican crisps there, as well, Dennis.

Your old friend?

You must be needing an operation on your nose, Jackie.

Have you smelled the Pig lately?

I have, and it's not half as bad as your aftershave.

Well, this aftershave is a knockout with the girls.

And tell me, Pat, which particular girls... are you knocking out at the moment?

Well, hello, Mrs. Kennedy.

Don't be afraid. It's only myself.

I've been baking, and Jackie had no room for this... so I thought we'd share it between us.

There's the man.

How are you, boys?

How are you? I'm fine.

The old sparkle in your eye, eh?

You're a devil, Jackie.

Jesus, Jackie, you must have a terrible thirst tonight.

I've never seen a man drink two pints at the same time.

Here. This is yours, Finn. I've bought you a pint so.

You're joking me. No.

You never bought me a pint.

Go away with you. I brought you home many a night.

And I bought you a packet... of your favorite Mexican crisps.

Aye, and no offense, now, Finn.

I bought you some expensive fruity soaps.

Take them home and try them out.


Ah, boys, what are you up to?

Nothin'. Can I not buy you a pint?

Did you come into some money, Jackie?

No. But you'd be the first to share in it if I had, Finn.


Where have you been? I've been in bed an hour.

Oh, shut up.

You're drunk. I am not.

What's the news?

I spent ten pounds on Finn... and all he wanted was advice on his sick pig.

Is the sports car his? Not at all.

He's lookin' after it for his brother.

Then I spent another forty on the locals... in case the winner was hidden among them.

You're actin' like you won the lotto yourself.

Aye, yeah. Rockefeller, that's me.

I followed me nose to Mrs. Kennedy's.

I took a meat pie to soften her up.

Go on.

Found her on her own drinkin' champagne.

It's her, then. Hold on.

No sooner was my meat pie in her belly... than she tells me that her daughter's belly's... fill-up with a new baby.

That's why she was singin' "The Golden Goose. "

Sure, she's over the moon.

Lord, would you look at that?

We're already fifty pounds and one meat pie lighter.

You're not gettin' your toaster, Lizzy.

Let that be an end to it.

I'm an old disabled person with no money, Fitzgerald.

And you're taking advantage.

Your toaster is mended... but you can't take it until you've paid for it.

You're ripping me off, Fitzgerald.

I'm fed up with you takin' without payin', woman.

Get out of my way.

Whoa! You little gobshite!

Mornin', boys. How's the heads?

Lord, we were heavy drunk last night.

The whole bar was heavy drunk, thanks to you.

Listen, there's a rumor you've come into some money.

What? Ha ha ha ha!

Oh, Janey Mac, I wish I had.

I was just treatin' me friends with the little I've got.

I came over this morning to make sure I'd settled up.

I'd hate to be owin' you anything, Dennis.

Go on. On you go. Go on. Good luck.

Mornin', Annie.

That Mrs. Kennedy is a fine one for the champagne.

I thought it would be you boys... that would have the heads this morning, not me.

We do have heads, and they are sore... but at the same time filled with the very best of Irish brains.

Will those dead chickens find the winner?

They will.

Jackie talked Mrs. Kennedy into giving us... a list of the regular lotto players.

There's eighteen... and each of those will be invited to a chicken supper.

We'll sit them down, feed them up... and during the night, we find the winner.


It's not me Christmas card already, is it, Michael?

Christmas has come early this year, Kitty.

Oh, how exciting.

Come in, Michael. Come in.

I've been baking.

It's tempting, Kitty, but I've more cards to deliver.

Is it a little love note, Michael?

What are you up to?

Been writin'.

Ah, Maggie. Will you read me some of your poetry?

Jesus, that's not poetry.

It's just words for a greetin' card. There's a big difference.

Ah, it's poetry to me.

My cards are bought by men on their way home... who give them to their wives who give them a bollocking... for leavin' the price on the back... and they never even read what I've written inside.

I read them. Go on, Maggs, read us one.


Ah, will you go on, now? I can't.

Make my heart sing.

Ah, go on, Maggs. Just the one. Just for me. Please?

Promise you won't laugh?

I certainly will not.

"Sometimes... "

No, "sometimes" is good.

"Sometimes. " It's a lovely start.

Go on.


"some things are special. "

"Sometimes, someone is close. "

"Sometimes, you feel you'll never quite say... "

"the some things that matter the most. "

That's poetry, Maggie.

You've a real talent there.

It's bollocks, Finn. It's a bit of extra cash.

I've been usin' some fruity soaps, Maggie.

I've noticed.

Well, come on, then.

Let's get closer.

Oh, yes, please, Maggie.

It's been a long time, hasn't it, Finn?

If it weren't for the pigs, we'd be settled by now.

We might. The pigs is all you know.

Maggie, can we forget the pigs for the moment?

I'm sorry, but if it weren't for the pigs...

Can we get closer, Maggie?

We can, but I can't wait forever is what I'm sayin'.

I know, darlin'. Come on down.

Oh, Finn...

I have missed you.

You could work with my da.

Oh, he hates me. Come on, Maggie.

In Fitzgerald's, then. He doesn't need anyone.

There must be somethin' you're good at.

Come here, and I'll show you, girl.

Come on, Maggie.


I caught a whiff of something then.

Oh, no. It's peaches. Peach soaps, Maggie.

Oh, no.

It's somethin' else. Could be strawberries.


Oh, Maggie.

Finn. Maggie.


Oh, no. I'm sorry, luv. It's still there.

No, Maggs. No, Maggie, please. No.

No, I'm sorry.

What can you play?

Nothin', really. I just like messing around.

Can you play songs about Jesus?

No. I wish I could.

So did he come to you, then?

Who's that? Jesus.

Oh, Jesus.

Well, he did in many ways, yes.

But did you see him?

Well, not exactly, no.

But you're workin' for him.

I am. Doing the best I can.

Do you get paid for it?

Well, it's more a payment of the spiritual kind, Maurice.


Do you think you could be drawn to the church, Maurice?

I don't think so. You never know.

I don't think I could work for someone I'd never met... and not get paid for it.

Did you enjoy your supper, Michael?

I did, indeed, Kitty.

It was generous of Jackie to splash out.

Oh, he's a generous man, Kitty.

Oh, grand.

Did you see Pig Finn... in his brother's racing car this week, Brendy?

I did.

I thought it was stolen.

Jackie, they tell me you might be splashing out... on a sports car yourself.

If I had the money, Brendy, I wouldn't waste it on a car... when me bike's outside. How about yourself?

How about meself, what?

Will you be splashin' out on a sports car?

Are you mad, man?

Just askin'.

Tell me, Tom, will you be looking for a bigger house... now that you've had your baby?

So, Kitty, how did you like your breast?

Me breast, Annie, was tasty.

Ah. So tell us.

Are you goin' to take a holiday this year?

Now, where would I get the money for a holiday?

Sorry, girls.

Ah, help yourself. There we go.

I see you've got a little bit put away there.

No, but I've started saving.

Am I smellin' sweeter, Jackie?

I tried one of your banana soaps.

Not sweet enough, by the looks of it.

Oh! Ah, that's my girl.

There's a raspberry soap upstairs.

Try that tomorrow, huh?

Raspberry? Yes. Try that.

Jackie, am I right in thinkin'... you've booked one of these Caribbean cruises?

If I had the money, Dennis, I wouldn't spend it... floatin' around the Caribbean... when I can float in the cove for free. Eh?

For Christ's sake, Jackie, would you mind telling us... what you would be spending your money on... if you had any, that is?

Well, I'd take what I needed, Pat... and treat me friends with the rest.

At least When I asked them That's what I was told So I took a hand In this diggin' for gold But for all I have found there I might as well be Where the Mountains of Mourne Sweep down to The sea

Oh, jeepers... the chickens and the whiskey were wasted.

What are you starin' at?

Oh, I wasn't staring at anything.

Come on, out with it.

I know who it is. I've worked it out.

No. Oh, yeah.

Go on.

It's you. Me?

I think it's you, and I think you're having us all on.

Michael, go home.

I'll leave you in peace to count your winnings.

Here. Wait, wait a minute.

What if it's you? You never said it wasn't.

Get home. You're drunk.

Get to your bed.

Get yourself a hot chocolate.

Get home, ya hoodlum!

Stupid idiot.

I've a chicken leg left over.

Oh, well, I'm full, Annie.

Put it in the fridge for dinner tomorrow, huh?

Jackie, I counted those joints precisely.

If there's a leg left over, it means someone was missing.

The winner smelt a rat.

Where's me list?

Ned Devine. Ned Devine was missing.

God, Annie, did you not notice?

Make up a dinner, sweetheart. I'm going over.


I've brought you a chicken dinner!


I've brought you a chicken supper.


Ned? Ned, are you in there?



You in there, Ned?

Dear God.

You'll be cursin' in heaven tonight, Ned Devine.

They match.

It's a winner.

It'll be at least half a million.

He'd have spent it, too.

There would have been a mighty party.

Is there a greater twist of fate, Annie... to win half a million and the next minute... die from the shock of it?

God rest him, the poor fella.

Ned... the sweetest man in the world.

They say money changes a man, Jackie.

There's no greater change than movin' from life into death.

It's the cruelest twist.

Half a million pounds.

Should we be phonin' police or the doctor?

It's a call to both... but there's nothin' to do tonight.

His bedroom's as cold as any fridge they'd put him in.

Make the calls in the mornin'.

I think we should make room in this day for some prayers.

God bless mothers and fathers and grandparents, too... aunties and uncles, friends old and new.


And, dear Lord, we pray tonight... for a little man from Tullymore...

Ned Devine... as sweet a soul as ever was blessed.

A gentleman who loved his life... and carried a heart the size of his head within his chest.

Amen. Amen.

It's delicious.

There would have been a mighty party, Jackie.

Yeah. There would, indeed.

Would you, would you like some chicken?

No, thanks, Ned.

Are you sure?

Are you angry?

Not at all.

Are you sure you wouldn't like some chicken?

It's delicious.

No, thanks, Ned. I'm full.

Where are we going, Ned?

Into the light.

It seems far off.

Aye. But don't worry, man.

The tide will bring us there safely.

It's a premonition, Michael! A vision!

It's a chicken dinner, Jackie.

It's obvious, Michael. He wants us to claim the money.

Share the chicken dinner, share the winnings.

What a great man he was.

Yeah, and his spirit's in me head.

What'll you do with the ticket?

Well, he wrote his name on the back, Michael.

But we pretend to be Ned and claim the half million.

Oh, I'm not sure, Jackie. I couldn't be Ned.

I'm no good at pretending.

I'll be Ned meself.

Michael, Ned's no family. The money'll go unclaimed.

He plays the lotto all his life... and dies from the shock of winning it.

Can you imagine the anger of his spirit, man?

Does Annie know we're going back up tonight?

No, no. She's left cuddling me pillow.

Do we report the death in the morning?

Michael, are you thick?

If we report the death and are found to be claiming... we'll surely be questioned for murder.

Murder is a mighty word to use at this time of night.

I'm sorry if it gives you the willies, Michael.

Watch the step.

Where is he, Jackie?

Through there. Take a look.

Jesus, there's a stink in here.

Ah, nature's taking ahold, Michael.

He's been gone a few days now.

Jackie... he's smiling.

That'll be the winning smile.

With a little luck, we'll have one ourselves in a week.

And I always thought it would be the sea that would take him.

He survived all those storms... only to be swept away by a few lottery balls.

Jackie, come quick.

Oh, sweet Jesus, the man's beginnin' to melt.

Oh, dear God, you've slipped on his intestines.

Ah, will you get up?

Ah, for God's sake, Jackie.

Jackie, for the love of God, will you stop it?

Oh, be calm, Michael. It's only a chicken dinner.

A chicken dinner?

God, I thought it was his intestines.

I've never smelt intestines on me jacket before... but it surely can't be as bad as Annie's Brussels sprouts.

Come on. You missed a bit.

God. The floor'll need to be cleaned before we go.

What time is it? Ten to five.

Now the morning's on its way.

Can you clean up the chicken dinner on your own?

There are two things to do before we go, Michael... and the chicken dinner is by far the least gruesome.

Is it necessary, Jackie?

Well, it's sort of unnatural as it is, Michael.

Take hold of his mouth.

You won't get rid of his smile by twistin' his cheeks.

You think you're awful smart.

Leave me in peace.

Finish wiping those intestines from the floor.

What expression were you thinking of?

Be quiet. I'm, I'm tryin' to...

Ahh. God Almighty.

Oh, dear God. Here.

Ah, come on. For God's sake, Jackie.

Stop. You're, you're panicking me, man.

You're panicking me.

Now watch he doesn't bite again.

Oh, shush.

No. It's not natural. It's too grim.

You're right, there.

It's in his eyes, Jackie.

Ah. Yeah. Yeah.

Mm-hmm. Yeah.

You're doin' a fine job there, Brendy.

Oh, hello there. That was a storm, wasn't it?

Oh, it was. Is Maggie around?

She's having a bit of a lie-in after last night.

Oh, right.

Well, look, Brendy, I'll get straight in here.

I spent some time with your daughter last night.

Now, I don't know how you feel about Finn... but I think she deserves a lot more than the local pig farmer.

Finn's not so bad.

Well, no, he's not. No, you're right there.

He's a good man.

But look at what I've got to offer, Brendy.

I've inherited the farm now.

I'm up there rattlin' around on me own.

I could look after Maggie and little Maurice.

I'm lookin' to settle down, Brendy... and there's plenty of girls who would jump at the chance.

You're very much like your father, aren't you, Pat?

Well, now, Brendy, I'll take that as a compliment.

He was always after me wife right up till we were married.

And as I remember, he didn't stop there.

Ah, well, now, Brendy, that just goes to show... that you both had good taste, doesn't it?

Look, Brendy, I know I've always had a bit of a reputation... with the ladies and that.

But this is different, Brendy. This is serious.

Maggie wouldn't want for anything.

There'd be no other women, and she'll be well looked after.

She could stay in the village.

She'd be here if you needed her.

What do you think?

Come on, girl! Come on!

Here you are, Lizzy. Have your choice.

Lizzy, stop squeezing the bread, please.

It's all stale, anyway.

It certainly is not. It came in fresh this morning.

I'll take two loaves and pay half price due to the staleness.

Ah, jeepers. Annie is livid.

Did she give you an earful?

She did. She locked me in my room.

She said we should never have gone back up last night.

She said we're too old for prison.

Maybe we should stop it all now, Jackie.

Come on, man, what do you say?

No. I'm all prepared. Come on.

What's in the bag?

I pinched these from his house last night.

They're all Ned's documents, birth certificates and stuff.

Hello. National Lotto. Maureen speaking.

Yes, Maureen, hello. I'm wanting to talk to someone... about a claim that I'll be makin'.

I suppose it might be the tube Dennis, would it?

Have you seen the boys?

Not today, Annie.

I'll kill them.

Michael, we'll go down to the beach... and get the story straight.

They're sendin' a man from Dublin.

Are they convinced?

They are, but there's some preparing to do.

I need to spend the night at Ned's... in case the lotto man comes first thing tomorrow.

What are you looking at?

It's amazing... how it just goes on and on, Father, isn't it?

On and on, into the universe and infinity.

Oh, yes, it's a marvel, isn't it?

How are you, Father? Oh, fine, Maurice.

You don't sound so sure there.

Ah, no, it's just been a difficult month for me... you know, Maurice, coming to a community like this.

If I was here permanently, I think people might be... a little bit more welcoming.

How much longer have you got?

Well, Father Mulligan should be back from Lourdes... fairly soon, so then I'll be off.

Well, you'll be missed. You've done well... no matter what people say.

Thank you, Maurice.

I'd like to think I've made an impression.

Go on, ask me another one.

Come on, man, use your imagination.

How old are you, Ned? I'm 66, sir.

And do you have any family, Ned?

No, just meself now.

How's Dublin? Foggy.

This is your car. You can drop me off on the way.

Is she fit, Brendy?

Oh, so you're not in the convertible today, then?

No, I'm not.

Maurice, be careful there, son. There's petrol here.

Maurice, you're a bad boy.

I've told you not to play with matches!

God Almighty! Careful, son!

Sorry, Finn.

Well, you're all right.

Jesus, Brendy, would you keep him away from the petrol?

He needs a father. He's too quick for me.

He needs his real father. Maggie needs me, too, Brendy.

Jeez, man, you're not the da.

I am so, and Maggie knows it.

What a mess your donkey's making.

It's a pony.

Christ, man, the stink on your donkey's arse... is almost as bad as yourself.

Piss off with you. And I will at that.

I've a date with Maurice's mother tonight.

Haven't I, Brendy?

That's a lie. Maggie's mine.

We're just discussing it here now.

She wanted someone who could get close enough... to give her what she wants.

Tullymore. Tullymore.

Where is it?

So, what are you going to spend your half on, Jackie?

We agreed half, did we, Michael?

No, I'd just sort of assumed it.

Oh, you assumed it, did you?

Who's that?

Hello there. Hello.

I'm a little bit lost. Do you know where Tullymore is?

You're not far off, mister.

Back up the lane, left at the end... and it's a long road that has no turning.

Are you from the village yourself?

I am, all me life.

Would you happen to know a Ned Devine?

Ned Devine?

Ned Devine. Do you know him?

I do. I do. Is it Ned you're wanting?

It is, yeah.

I can take you to Ned Devine's house if you want.

That'd be very good of you. Want to jump in the car?

Oh, sweet Jesus!


Oh, hey, I'm sorry.

Excuse me, that's hay fever.

I get it every time I come down to the country.

Sorry, I'm Jim Kelly.

Jackie O'Shea. How are you?

Not too bad, Jackie.

So, it's at the end of this road and then the next left, yeah?

Er, no. If you're going to Ned's house... then you better turn right and head back to the hills.

Are you sure?

Yeah. Sure, I'm sure.

Yes, I've been here all my life.


Now, I think there's a right turn coming up here.

Will you drive a little slower, mister, please?

Sorry. I'll try and take it easier now.

Whoa! Left.

Haven't we just been up here?

It would seem that way, but that's a different spot.

Are you having trouble with the directions?

I am. You're going too fast. Yes.

Sorry. I thought I was taking it slower now.

It's faster than a walk, and I've always walked... my way around these hills in the mist and the fog.

There's a left turn. Left turn here.

No, it's a right turn, I think. Yes.

Left or right? No, right.

Right, OK.

What kind of business are you in?

Oh, business. Business?

Business. Yes... business.

Ned. Ned! Are you in there?

I brought a man to see ya. Ned? Ned?

I don't think he's in.

I'd best take a look down the village.

No, no. I'll take a look round the back.

He sleeps a lot in the afternoon.

All right.

Come on, pussy.


Michael... where are your clothes, man?

There wasn't time. We're at the front door.

I can hear that, but it's all locked up.

Mind yourself.

You're all right. He was taking a bath there.

Well, thanks very much for your help.

Oh, no problem at all. No problem.

Uh... yes?

Ned, I'm sorry to get you out of your bath... but there's a man to see you.


Can I come in, Mr. Devine? It's rather personal.

Jim Kelly. You called my office in Dublin this morning.

Oh, I... I see.

Why don't you invite us in, Ned... so the man can tell you his business?

Uh, yes. Uh, right.

Uh, in you come.

I think it's best if we're left alone now.

Thanks again. Right you are.

Watch your head. All right.

All the best, Ned. All the best.

Would it be better if I was dressed, Mr. Kelly?

It would indeed, Ned. Take your time there, now.


Do you have any family living nearby, Ned?

Oh, no. I'm all on me own now.

Oh, do you have much family yourself, Mr. Kelly?

Oh, I do.

Too much at times, if you know what I mean.

We've got three kids now.

So there's always aunties and uncles... and cousins coming over, wanting to visit.

Were you a fisherman by any chance, Ned?

Oh, yes. I was at sea, man and boy.

This was my father's cottage originally.

He used to run a boat from here.

What do you think?

You... you can't wear that.

You have to be careful.

Winning the lotto can bring as much bad luck as it can good.

It's a real shame you don't have any family, Ned.

Oh, you're doing grand. Don't be worrying, now.

You'll have the lotto man... twisted around your little finger.

Oh! Holy Mother of God! What?

You'll have to be careful of your friends after the win.

The winning ticket is in me little bag.

Me little bag has been left in the phone box.

Oh, great.

Bloody great.

Do you understand what I'm saying, Ned?

You'll have to watch your friends.

Ah, there we are, Ned. Ready for business.

Will you have a whiskey, Mr. Kelly?

I won't, thank you, but you help yourself.

Well, basically, Ned, the reason why I'm here today... is that sometimes when people learn just how much... they have won in the lotto, they get a bit of a shock.

Oh, yes. Oh, that I can imagine.

Right, so I expect now you'll want to know... just how much you have won.

Oh, and you'd be in a position... to tell me that now, would you, Jim?

I can tell you exactly how much, Ned.

Do you have your ticket on you?

Will you excuse me just a minute, Jim?

I have a bit of an upset tummy coming on.


Are you all right there?

Oh, yes. I'm sorry about that.

Must be the excitement. Of course.

Now, where were we?

Oh, yes, the ticket.

Ah, there he is.

There's the winner.

What a famous little chap he is, hmm?

Big win, is it?

Ned, you've won...

6,894,620 pounds.

How does that make you feel?

Oh... uh...

Take your time now. There's no rush.

It's a great shock to the system, I know.

You just give yourself a moment to get used to the idea.

Oh... uh...

So, what do you think, Ned?

It was a rollover week.

The jackpot wasn't won last week... so they carried it over to this week... and you were the only winner.

Were you aware of that, Ned?

Uh... no.

OK, well, look, naturally with a claim this size... there's a lot of forms to be filled out.

And we can do that today if you like... but I can always come back another day if you'd prefer.

No, no, no.

Fill... fill them in now, Jim.

Right. Well, let's have a look.

Oh, hello.

What sort of a game is this?

Shush, will ya?

Don't you shush me.

Michael's in there with the man from the lotto.


Right, can I have your full name and date of birth, please?

"Ned Patrick Devine...

"born 17th of July, 1931.

"Six pounds, two ounces. "

OK, now I'll need to find your social insurance number.

I know it off by heart, Jim.

It's, uh, 8-6-4-3-6-7-4-B.

That's wonderful, Ned.

You let Michael go in there on his own?

Jackie, he's never told a lie in his life.

Well, he's making up for it now, so.

Right, Ned. It shouldn't be too long now... before I can issue the check.

Don't take too long now, Jim.

I'll be losing interest on that money.

Right, well, I'd best get back to Dublin.

There's a lot of paperwork to be sorted out.

Mind your head.

I will, thanks.

Ned, you did write your name on the back of the ticket?

I did indeed.

Very sensible of you. No one else can claim it on you.

That's right.

Only thing is, it'll take a little bit longer.

I'll have to come back and make some inquiries.

Like to make sure that you are Ned Devine.

Well, congratulations, Ned.

Take care now.

Are we rich, man? Or are you off to prison?

We're not rich, and I'm off to prison soon enough.

But I saw the man's face. He thinks you're Ned.

He believes it now... but he's coming back in a few days... to ask questions in the village.

But all that laughing.

Jackie, the winnings is almost seven million.

God in heaven!

This is how Ned must have felt coming so close to a fortune.

At least we've not woken up dead in heaven.

No... you're alive with prison to go to.

If I'd have known how much was won...

I'd never have started in the first place.

Oh, Lord, this is getting awful serious.

It's desperate.

God, you did well today, man.

Me and the whiskey. But Annie is still livid.

Ah, she'll come round.

What a performance that was.

Your Jessy would have been proud of you.

That she would. God bless her.

I'd swear she was there today.

But Jessy or not, I can't keep it up.

Are we off to prison?

Ned doesn't want us in prison.

But I can't believe he wants us... to be multi-millionaires, either.

Was any of this in the dream?

No, no.

No, this is for you and me to work out, Michael.

Ah, good night.

Good night.


Finn, are you there?

Of course I'm here. I'm always here.

I thought I'd come up and see you.

I thought I'd come up and see you!

Right. Are you all right?


Are you sure?

Go on.

Full of the joys, boys.

What have you been doing?

I've been thinking.

What have you been thinking?

Oh, I've had a few thoughts.

I thought about punching Pat Mulligan in the face.

I thought about telling Maurice I was the real father.

And I thought strawberry soap would make all the difference.

Finn, I love you. You know that, don't you?

If it weren't for the pigs, I'd marry you tomorrow.

It's all been said before.

Anyway, I quite like working with the pigs.

I get very attached to them... despite the smell.

He's promising to look after me.

Me and Maurice.

You mean look after... or do you mean pay for?


Maurice belongs with his real father.

Or is Pat Mulligan the father? Is that what all this is about?

No, I'm sorry, Finn. Will you tell me?

I have to go.

Is he mine, Maggie?

You're a country boy, Jackie.

Do you think you can outsmart the man from the city?

I know what Ned wants, Annie.

I'm sure of it now.

Jackie, Ned is dead.

The game's moved beyond talk of dreams and spirits.

A crime has been committed. It's a fraud.

I don't want you worrying about me.

I'm not worried about you, Jackie.

You'll manage. I think I could probably manage.

But if anything happens to Michael... then God help you, Jackie... for he will suffer.

How much am I worth to you, Jackie?

Oh, Annie...

No, how much?

How much for Michael? For the farm?

For God's sake, what are you going to do with... seven million pounds?

I know... No.


You're on your own from now on.

I'm not a great man for telling things the way they are.

I mean, I've been known to add a little color... to stories and riddles for the benefit... of those that'll listen.

Yet, here tonight...

I can swear that all I've told you is true.

The money will be claimed... and divided equally between the 52 of us.

Now, I was wrong to think I could claim the money myself.

That's not what Ned wants.

He wants us to share the winnings.

A nest egg for us all.

So now, if the lotto man comes to the village... you say that Ned Devine is alive and well... and you point your finger to Michael O'Sullivan.

Jackie. Yes?

How are we going to recognize the lotto man when he comes?

He sneezes.

He sneezes?

He gets hay fever when he's in the country.

Enough of the sneezing. How much has been won?

Yes, yes, in a minute.

Now, everyone in favor of claiming the money... should visit me before sunset tomorrow.

If we're not all committed, there'll be no claim.

I'll make my way to Dublin to face the authorities alone.

How much has been won?

And so we move on to the claim itself.

The total amount of the jackpot... the total which will be claimed and divided into shares of 52...

is 6,894,620 pounds.

What changed your mind?

You're no good to me in prison.

130,000 pounds each.

If they come, they'll be coming for the money... not for the spirit of Ned Devine, I'm sure.

And if it's claimed and spent at all... he'll rest in peace.

And if you go to prison... this will be our last night together for ten years.

Then let's not waste it sleeping.

If I had money enough to spend And leisure time to sit a while There is a fair maid in this town That surely has me heart beguiled Her rosy cheeks and ruby lips I own she has me heart enthralled

Will you bring us up a cup of tea?

Annie, is there any milk?

You'll have to go to the post office.


Good morning to you. How you doing?

Good morning.


Good luck.

Hello. Hello, Kitty.

Now, Kitty, do you remember who I am?

I do. I do, Michael.

You're Ned Devine.

Good girl, yourself. Give her a drink, Annie.

Oh, thank you.

Now, I'll sign on one condition.

Well, Kitty, we'd not really counted on conditions.

Oh, it's only a very small one, Jackie.

Go on.

Of course you can. That's no problem at all.

Oh, thank you, Jackie.

There we are. Number thirty-eight.

We're nearing the finishing line.

Well done, Kitty.

Thank you, Michael. Bye-bye.

Was it a big condition, Jackie?

Not at all. You're having dinner with her next week.

Hey, careful. Hey, hey.

Hey, Dennis, you just jumped the queue. What is it?

Jackie, it won't work. What?

We're claiming a check that can't be cashed, Jackie.

Ned doesn't have a bank account.


Now, I used to work at the bank.

It's not easy cashing such a mighty check.

Did you think Mrs. Kennedy would cash it seven million at the post office?

We open a check account in advance, off-shore... maybe Jersey and deposit 50 pounds.

Now, it's a joint account... in the name of Ned Devine and Jackie O'Shea.

I'll pretend to be Ned... Slowly.

Well, you be yourself.

Now, the account's open a week.

Jackie puts Ned's check in.

He then uses his own signature on the joint account... to share out the winnings.

It's legal?

It's as close as you'd want to get, boy.

Do you understand it? Not a word.

Sit just there and keep looking at the water.

Where? Just there.

And what am I supposed to be looking for?

Just sit there and keep quiet.

Maurice, do you think Father Mulligan will approve... of all this lotto business when he gets back from Lourdes?

If you fill the collection box and mend the church roof... he'll be over the moon.

Do you think so? I do.

What about Tullymore?

I mean, what happens if everyone decides to move away... and set up somewhere more glamorous with their winnings?

No, the winnings will be spent at Fitzgerald's.

A hundred thousand in the pub.


It's probably being spent already.

Vodka tonic, gin and tonic, Baileys.

There you go. Where's Tommy's Baby Cham?

All right, all right. I'm coming now.

Would you give me a chance? I've only the one pair of hands.

Just a minute. Hold on, hold on. Who's paying for this?

Who's paying for this lot now?

I will! I will!

I never thought I'd see the day.

We should give her the day.

The sun's almost set.

I'm calling.

Are we done?

Michael, is your phone working?

Oh, God, no. They're all down since the storm.

We're missing one.

But the village is already celebrating.

It's Lizzy Quinn.

Lizzy Quinn, the witch.

God, if the village finds out, she'll burn.

All right, that's far enough.

We don't want to frighten her. Right, what have we got?

I've her toaster here. It's all mended and tested.

Good man. I've got some cat food.

Grand. And I've got something for her meself.

Will I make you a nice cup of tea, Lizzy?


Should Jackie get the fire going for you?

I'm not cold.

I brought you a little treat here to have with your tea.

There we go. Some nice coconut creams.

No, thank you.

So you came to get my name on your paper?

Yours is the only one missing, Lizzy.

Sure the whole village is waiting for the news.

Give me your list.

And I am the only one missing, you say?

You are.

Lizzy, 'twould be good for the village.

Did you know that if you report a fraud to the lotto... you get ten percent of the winnings?

Have you spoken to the lotto?

I'm not stupid enough... to be bought by your coconut creams... and I'm not stupid enough to call the lotto... but ten percent is 670,000 pounds.

Oh, Lizzy, how could you bear to live in the village... if you did a thing like that?

The whole lot of us will be in prison.

Well, there's your answer.

There'd be no one here to be bothered by.

You see, I'm after more than a nest egg, Jackie... and as I'm the only one that hasn't signed...

I figure there's some bargaining to be done.

You're a right witch, aren't you, Lizzy?

This is my offer...

And in death be there some peace.

An angel will cry with choir and sing... to lift out the spirit that purity brings. Amen.


So she'll sign for a million, then?

A million?

She'll sign for the same as us or get nothing at all.

What if she calls the lotto? Will we call it off?

Don't mind her, boys. She's trying it on.

Please be seated.

We are gathered here today... to celebrate the life of Ned Devine.

Ned Devine meant something to you all.

And there in his passing... he has made sure that he has left... a little something for you all.


When we think of Ned's life... when we think of the manner in which he was taken from us... we may find ourself thinking that he was taken unfairly.

As we look back on the life of...

As we look back on the life of...


Who is he?

Michael O'Sullivan was my great friend...

but I don't ever remember telling him that.

The words that are spoken at a funeral... are spoken too late for the man that is dead.

What a wonderful thing it would be... to visit your own funeral.

To sit at the front and hear what was said.

Maybe to say a few things yourself.

Michael and I grew old together.

But at times, when we laughed... we grew younger.

If he was here now... if he could hear what I say...

I'd congratulate him on being a great man... and thank him for being a friend.


Oh, for God's sake.

He must've been a great man, this Michael fellow.

He had his faults.

Hello there, Ned. You well?

Not bad, Jim. Not bad.

Jackie. I'm sorry about interrupting like that earlier.

Jackie knows about our business here, Jim.

Good. I'm glad you have a friend you can confide in.

And will you be making your inquiries today?

Oh, no. There's no need.

The village says you're Ned. That's good enough for me.

I can issue you the check today.

Although, are you sure this is a good time?

It is, Jim. As good as any.

All right.

You wouldn't like a drink?

No. I'd best leave you alone now, Ned.

Tighten up your strings, boys.

Oh, that's great, Jim. Mind your head there, now.

Will do now. Well, the best of luck, Ned.

Give me a call if you need any more advice.

And watch out for your friends.

Don't be spending all your money in one go.

Oh, no. I wouldn't do that.

Jackie, good luck to you. Take care.

Good luck, man. Look after himself now.

I will, I will. All right, best of luck.

Thanks, Jim.

Pints are on the house! Pints on the house!

Hi, Maggie.

Finn, you're stinking.

Oh, sorry, Maggs. Stinking rich.

No more pigs.

No more pigs, Maggie.

Ah, come for a whirl, girl.

You have beautiful calves.

Any news from the witch?

No, Brendy. We heard the last from her.

What if she calls the lotto?

She won't call. Anyway, the phones are down.

What's she going to do, walk to Dublin?

I'm watching you, fella.

Go on, boys. Give it a lash.

Bitch. Bitch.


Go on, boys.

National Lottery.

Give it a lash.

Go on, boys.

Hello? Ah-choo!



Huh? Unbelievable.

Get your hands off those.

Hello. How are you, Jackie?

All right, darling.

I was just looking at your man there, Al Capone.

Jackie, would you say Maurice needed a father... more than seven million pounds?

I'd say he needed a father more than 50 million.

That's what I thought.

But what are you saying?

How would he be entitled to the money?

Ned does have family, Jackie.


You'll not tell a soul now.

Maurice is the millionaire?


He treated me better than any man before.

You must take it all, Maggie.

Take it all. Put it away for yourself and the boy.

No, no. Maurice can do without it.

Besides, Finn would know he wasn't the father.

I can do without the millions, but I can't afford to lose Finn.

Sure, 130,000 each is plenty.

Slainte. Slainte.

Come on now. We're almost at the top.

We can sleep it off later like the rest of them.

Do we all have a drink?

Here, Maurice.

Take a drink and remember the man.

Then raise your spirits to the sky.

Raise them to Ned Devine.

God bless you, Ned... and may we be forever in your debt.

To Ned Devine.

To Ned.

To Ned.

Fill to me the parting glass And drink a health Whate'er befalls Then gently rise And softly call Good night and joy Be to you all Of all the comrades That e'er I had They're sorry for my going away And all the sweethearts That e'er I had They'd wish me one more day to stay Since it fell into my lot That I should rise And you should not I gently rise And softly call Good night and joy be to You all

But since it fell into my lot That I should rise And you should not I gently rise and softly call Good night and joy be to you all So fill to me the parting glass And drink a health Whate'er befalls Then gently rise and softly call Good night and joy be to You all Subtitle: sync, fix: titler