We're No Angels (1989) Script

All prisoners....

All prisoners, report to level B, now.

The taking of a life...

is no minor matter. Nor do we do it lightly.

This man has killed, and he will be killed.

He will be taken down, his head will be shaved.

He will be given confession, if he wishes it.

And then, we will test the apparatus.

The lights will dim.

Once, twice....

The third time, his soul will be in that new place.

And I leave it to you to conjecture where that new place will be.

I've no doubt but that your thoughts will be troubled.

Keep them to yourselves. I want no demonstrations.

I want no comments.

Take him down. Move.

-So long, guys. -So long, Bobby.

No talking.

What're you gonna do to him, take away his commissary, you son of a bitch?

-Keep it down, Jim. -Son of a bitch.

I can't believe it. Can you believe it, Neddy?

I can believe most anything. My problem is, I just don't care.

-Taking Bobby to bakery. -Sometimes it works that way.

That the guy's gonna die, and that's it?

What's your question?

That that's the end of it? That he goes in that room--

Goes in that room, they light him up, and that's the end of it... there's no eternal life for his soul, and the cruelty of the world?

Is that the thing? Is that your problem this fine evening?


-Why don't you talk to the chaplain? -I'm talking to you.

I'm busy. I've got my mind on higher things.

-I feel bad, Ned. -Well, do your own time.

You two, put these on.

What is it?

-Just tell me what it is. -Shut up! Keep walking!

Life's a hellhole, pally.

You two were talking?

Answer me.

You two were talking during my speech.

-I.... -You swine.

You little swine. Hold him down.

You want order?

I'll give you order.

You want a lesson? Is that what you want?

You want a lesson? I'll give you a lesson.

Is that what you want?

Warden? They're ready, sir.

Keep them here. We'll beat the other one later.

Yes, sir.

-It's all right. It's all right, Jim. -I'm in bad shape, Ned.

"For the Lord shall judge his people, and repent himself for his servants...

"when he seeth that their power is gone...

"and there is none shut up, or left.

"And he shall say, Where are their gods, their rock in whom they trusted--"

Nobody move! Get back. Get down!

Don't do this, my son.

Open that door.

I'm gonna count to three. One....

Go on, open it!

Get in there.

Here, put these on.

Come on!

What do we do now?

Tell them you got a man for the morgue.

-Man for the morgue! -Where's your pass?

Come on!

-I'm not sure this is such a good idea. -Nobody's asking you, Ned.

Bob, they catch us now, they'll kill us.

Welcome aboard.

Come on.

Come on!

Are we going, or are we dying?

Come on.

Come on!

All right, let's go.

-Look, Bob.... -What?

Get out!

Ever hear the phrase "nothing to lose"?

Get after them!

My God, you goddamn fools!


Wake up, Jimmy. Wake up.

Rip it off. Rip the number off.

I'm cold.

I'm cold, too. Come on, walk it out.

I'm cold.

What happened to Bobby? You think they got him, Neddy?

Look at this.

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers...

"for thereby some have entertained angels, unawares.

-"Hebrews 13:1." -Very touching.


Wait a second.


Who the hell are you?

"Do not neglect to show hospitality to strangers...

"for thereby some have entertained angels, unawares."

Hebrews 13:1.

What are you? Priests?

Yeah, that's right, we're priests.

You put her down, I'll give you a ride.

Into the town, across the bridge, and we're free.

I'm sure they're looking for you.

-What? -I'm sure they're looking for you.

-Who's looking for us? -The monastery, your fellow priests.

Yeah, I'm sure they're looking for us.

What, are you missing morning prayers?

Yeah, we're missing the whole program. What do you care?

I don't care a damn thing. I told you, it's all superstition, far as I'm concerned.

That's fine. Now you just drop us off at the town.

I'll tell you what else. You get people worked up.

You get people worked up over that shrine of yours, that Weeping Virgin.

We'll get out here.

Won't be one more minute, I'll have you down.

No, we'll get out here.

Well, I could use your help... carry my deer to the butcher.

I'll tell you what, you go down to the garage... and we'll come down and help you carry your deer for you.

Why don't you just come with me?

We need a moment to compose our thoughts.

If it weren't for you, I'd never have killed that deer.

Well, thank you for your courtesy. God bless you and all that.

-Can you swim, Jimmy? -No.

Neither can I.

-You think Bobby made it, Neddy? -Not like this, he didn't.

Gotta ditch these togs.

Come on.

What are you gonna do on free street, Neddy?

I'm gonna do it all, pally, and I'm gonna do it again.

And I'm gonna get two of the best of everything... and anybody muck with me, they're going down!

Come on.


I wonder what happened to Bobby. I wonder if he got across.

What happened, happened, Jim.

Maybe they got him back. I'm not going back there.

That's right, we're not going back.

-We look like a couple of Hoosiers. -That's right, let's go.

Okay, let's go.

Coins in the pocket. Coins in the pocket, that's good luck.

-That's good luck, don't you think? -Right.

-Oh, God. -It's okay. It's gonna be okay.

I can't go back there.

Nobody's going back. It's gonna be just fine.

I gotta get some smokes, man, I'm telling you.


We'll get your smokes, and then we'll go across.

You take care of me, Ned, 'cause I got to get across.

-Keep walking. -I gotta get across.

Just keep walking.

Right with you.

Just want a pack of tailor-mades.

Yeah, right with you.

Bunch of damn nonsense.

All them damn priests in town at the shrine.

Don't buy a damn thing... but if they want something, you'd better have it on hand.

-Thanks, Mrs. Harris. -Thank you.

-Be with you gents in a second. -We just want a pack of tailor-mades.

Mementos of the shrine... postcards, key chains of the Weeping Virgin.

Not a penny in it, but they want it every year.

Priests and tourists, put on that dumb show.

Two packages of oatmeal. Set 'em down, will you?

Account's getting a bit long.

Well, I need it. Set 'em down.

I got a hungry kid. You'll catch me later.

What are you looking at?

Yeah, that's right.

-Special kind of smokes? -Luckys will do.

That shrine, talking about it, didn't mean to offend you.

Kind of probably put my foot in it... and you're tourists, come to see the shrine.

-Where are you folks from? -Here and there.

Something I can interest you in that case?

We ought to be about going now.

We ought to be about going now!

-You forgot your change. -That's okay.

Sir, change. Let's see if we can't spend it in your store.

Did you folks hear about the jailbreak?

No, can't say that we have.

Where did you say you're from?

Yes, sir, it seems there were these three convicts... shot their way out.

There you are. I told you I needed your help.

Are these friends of yours, Caroline?

-My help? -My car is stalled down at the garage.

I need you to haul that deer down to the butcher's.

-You know these folks? -Know them? Yeah, they're priests.

This is Father....

I didn't catch your name.

Priests? Oh, God.

Oh, God. I'm sorry, gentlemen.... Father....

What I'm saying, rambling on....

I offended you. No hard feelings?

That's fine.

You gonna help me with that deer?

I mean, I'd die if I thought I'd offended you.

-No big deal. -Or anybody associated with the shrine.

Here, a little token. Take them, please.

Take some back to your friends.

We've got the Weeping Virgin on one side... thermometer on the other. Awful handy, really.

Well, it's a cool day out. Button up.

No hard feelings, Father?

Go with God.

I have that same coat.

Harry, here's a list.

Also need a few shells for the old 12-gauge.

Damn car is all stove in, fender busted, need a new radiator.

How am I gonna afford that?

I should sure enough go to your church, I swear to God.

Why don't you?

Everything's so expensive. Canned goods.

-Cheaper to shop in Canada. -Why don't you?

'Cause my car's wrecked.

If I walk over, how am I gonna get my groceries back?

After what you've done for us... we'll go with you and fetch your things back.

Very Christian of you.

You know what the Bible says.

What? What's that?

You know.

Matter of fact, I usually do my shopping over there.

Wouldn't let on to Harry.

You think that's dishonesty, you just go on and think it.

-I can't do it. -You can, Jim, it's a piece of cake.

I can't do it.

You wanna kill yourself, that's fine... but there's two of us here, and I'm counting on you.

So you buck up, Jimmy, and you act like a priest!

Hail Mary, full of grace....

-Morning, Mrs. Blair. -How are you today?

-You're working hard? -Well, we're looking... for those convicts that escaped.


Hey, I found 'em for you!

I found your two lost priests.

Where have you been?

Well, you know.

-Sheriff, you know who these are? -No.

Caroline has found our lost priests. This is Father Brown and Father Riley.

Thank the Lord.

We thought maybe the convicts got you.

-Convicts. -Had a jailbreak.

Got me some killers on the loose. That's all right, boy.

But where have you been? And where are your clothes?

They got lost when.... You know.

Found 'em coming through the woods.

Looked like a couple of raggle-taggle gypsies.

Gypsies? Do you know who these are?

This is Fathers Brown and Riley.

Brown and Riley, A New Look At Revelation?

These are two of the finest thinkers in the church today.

You're lucky. You say you were lost in the woods... you're lucky one of my boys didn't get on to you, take you for the convicts.

-What would they've done? -Done? Why, they would've shot you.

We've been meeting every bus for two days.

That's all right, boys, you let 'em through.

Now you have a good day, now, Mrs. Blair.

We'd best be getting back now.

We gotta help Mrs. Blair with her groceries.


Run along over with Mrs. Blair and help her with her shopping!

We wired Arizona when you didn't arrive on time... but they said they had no clue.

Your monsignor is quite worried.

Then the storm, and these prisoners....

-I don't know. -I'll tell you something.

Nothing was gonna keep us from coming here.

Shall we go in?

Get these chains knocked off at the blacksmith's... then into these priest duds and back over the border.

You call it, Neddy.

-Coming? -Yeah.

I know this must be quite a moment for you... having written so much about the shrine... having never seen it.

That's why I took you back from the border.

I knew how much you wanted to be here.

Thank you.

The Weeping Madonna.

I'm sure you'll find something here that'll fit.

-God bless you both. -God bless you, Father.

God bless you.

Father, we've been waiting for you eagerly.

We prayed for you.

We got delayed.

-I've read all your books. -Thanks.

You know, you don't look a thing like your pictures.

Fasting and prayer.

Yeah, it's such an honor to have men of your learning... and of your reputation here.

-We were so worried about you. -Yeah.

We wired the diocese in Arizona.

Yeah, he told us. We appreciate it.

Well, thank the Lord you've come.

What's this?

You don't know what that is?


It's a clothespin.

But, Father, why were you wearing it in your collar?

The thing of it is....

You know what it is?


It's a reminder.

Any of us could be snatched at any moment.

Of course.

I'd like to add one special prayer of thanksgiving.

My brothers and guests here today... a special prayer of thanksgiving for the safe arrival... of Father Riley and Father Brown.

Many of us are acquainted with their work... and we are all, I'm sure... glad of the opportunity to meet them in person.

We're thankful for their presence, their scholarship... and their participation in the procession of the shrine.

Today, a special blessing.

Father Brown, would you render it for us?

I think you're Brown.

-I think you're Brown. -You're Brown.

Father Brown.

Bishop Nogalich points out it's his turn to say the grace.

Please tell the Bishop we appreciate his courtesy... in ceding his position to our new arrivals.

Let him read. It's his turn.

I don't wanna get in anybody's face here.

No, Father Brown. Please. Honor us.

Father... if you could follow me to the lectern?

You know what?

Let's just say something appropriate.

Here's a good grace.

Be nice to strangers, 'cause sometimes you're a stranger, too.

This is not a fitting grace.

What's wrong with it?

It's a bit unusual, but quite to the point, I thought.

What are we, Protestants?

As soon as we pop off the leg irons....

You listening?

Jimmy, get out of it, will you?

Lay low here for a while, I'm gonna find some way... to pop us out these chains and then we head across the river.

-We're safe staying right here, Ned. -Yeah.

Until the real priests show up, we're safe.

I hope you'll participate in our lectures later on in the shrine.

I'd like nothing better.

We get these leg chains off, then straight across the river.

You lay low around here. Half an hour, meet you right back here.

-Father Brown. -Who's Brown?

You are.

Shall I enter your name in the lottery?

What's the prize?

Don't bother.

-No, I never won anything. -You can never tell. I'll put you down.

Afternoon, Bill.


Going to need them horses back this afternoon.

Going back up in the hills again?

They got to be somewhere.

They got no food, prison clothes.

Either they're up there in the woods or they're gonna cross down over here.

You got the bridge staked out pretty good, do you?

You best believe we do.

We're bringing out the dogs. The dogs will be here any minute.

We've got the prison staff, come down to stand guard on the bridge with us.

We'll catch them. Don't you worry.

Bring them back whichever way they want.

You ask me, though...

I think it'd be a lot less problem, shoot to kill.

That's what the Bible says, isn't it?

They killed and they shall be killed.

-Yeah? -Yeah.

-What was that? -Well, I don't know.

There she goes.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

It's been three weeks since my last confession.

I can't help myself.

Please, Father.

-What? -Help me.

Okay, what is it? I can't help you if you don't tell me.

I've been sleeping with this woman.

All right, and you're not married to her?

-No. -You're married to someone else?

-My wife. -Your wife know about this?

-No. -What are you worried about, then?

-Forget about it, stop whining. -But I broke my vow.

I'm such a sinner. Help me.

Okay, look, try to break off seeing this broad.

Say 10 Hail Marys, make a good act of contrition... you see the girl again, pop back in, no big deal.

God bless you.

I can't, Father. I can't help myself. You have to help me.

Now, look, I did what I could. You know, there's a time... when a man's got to stand up, take a stand.

Why don't you take a few days off... go in the woods, something, make your peace with God.

No, I can't leave town till we catch those convicts.

I'm stuck here in town. I'm in a state of constant temptation.

Please, I can't control myself. I need your help, Father.

You're a good man. You're a pious man. Help me.

-How can I help you? -Come with me.

-Talk to her, talk to us together. -Look, buddy...

-I've dragged her in sin, Father. -I'm sure you'll--

Father, please, I'm begging you!

-Please, help me! -Get up.

Please, Father, please. I need your help.

All right, okay.

-Okay. -Okay.

Thank you, Father.

Come on, get in there. Back, come on.

Come on, take it out.

Wait a minute. Take it out.

And I prayed.

I prayed to the Blessed Virgin, and I prayed to Saint Anne... and I asked myself, "Why? Why am I so weak?

"Why am I branded?" And I say, "Lord...

"I am a fornicator.

"What am I doing to myself and to my wife?

"I am a fornicator."

She can't hear, the poor child's deaf and dumb.

Up here, Father.

I brought this priest here to avow our sins.

I don't care.

Whore, we have sinned.

Hey, I don't care. And I told you I don't care.

You did what you did. If you think it's a sin, you live with it.

Now, I'm busy now.

Please, help me.

You got a problem? Stop coming here.

You think you're filthy? You think you're a swine?

All those names you say while we're doing it?

I'm gonna be sick.

You be sick, you be sick somewhere else.


He's got no cause to be coming here like that.

You don't like the guy, what'd you go to bed with him for?

For $5.

What, do you have $5? I'll go to bed with you, too.

What, you think that's a sin? You think I care?

Your mumbo-jumbo. You think I....

I slept with him, yeah, and I'll sleep with anybody that comes up with $5.

That's evil? Yeah, throw me out.

What you priests pay me to work here, do your own goddamn washing.

And don't you talk to me about God. Don't you tell me about sin.

Your religion's so good, your God, get him to cure my little girl.

Cure that girl out there. Your blessed shrine... your Saint Anne... your Weeping Virgin, yeah, cure my little girl.

Get out of here. You've got your nerve.

I need a man.

I need a husband.

My little girl needs help.

I got nothing.

Are you gonna give me those things?

Are you gonna give me those things?

I wish I could.

I wish you could, too.

But you can't... so why don't you just get the hell out of my life!

Father, here.

-What's this for? -It's for your beautiful project.

It's for the restoration of the shrine.

I can't thank you enough. God bless you.

It's for a good cause.

You don't know the half of it.

-Here, have a key chain. -Thank you.

-Actually, I got $5-- -Get out of here!

I've had enough of your bullshit for one day.

Come on.

Son of a bitch. I knew it. Those convicts are here.

Here, get the scent, quick, come on.

Yeah, who is it?

-Father? -Yeah, what is it?

I wanted to ask you...

A New Look At Revelation, you approached 10:19...

"Love the stranger, for you yourselves

"were strangers once in the land of Egypt."

And you used the word, a "sacrament."

You liked that?

Yes, I appreciated it.

And what I believed was an echo of the Gnostic.

The ecstatic mode.

That is say, a true....

Well, that is to say... a non-interpretive understanding of the text.

You got it.

I did?

I mean, I thought that I did. I just....

Forgive me if I'm running on.

You know, here at the monastery... we're enjoined to silence for most of the year.


And, you know, it's such a pleasure when the bonds are lifted... for the feast of the shrine.

And then, this week, to have all this company....

It's a heady thing.

Well, and then we heard your bags were stolen, and....

Well, in line with that verse, kindness to the stranger...

I wanted you to have these.

Get out of here.

No. It's an honor.

It's an honor meeting you.

Back at you. Hey, thanks.


Oh, God.

Here. We got to get out of here.

Sheriffs are all over the place.

I really wanted to ask you, will you sign my book?

Sure, give it to me.

We all especially enjoy your section about the shrine.

-You liked that? -Yes, very much.

Which one am I?

I think Father Brown and I, we have to talk.

Father? Fathers?

Will you be coming in the procession tomorrow?

Depends on how things falls out. I can't give you a definite yes or no.

If you'll excuse us, we have to talk about writing things.

Of course.

-What took you so long? -I got lost.

-Look, that kid gave me his beads. -I'm very happy for you.

Hold still.

Thank you.

Now, a dash across the river and it's free street, baby.

I'm with you, Neddy.

Some booze and some broads and this country can kiss my ass!

We hit the border, you make the sign of the cross over the guy...

-I make the sign of the cross-- -Afternoon, Fathers.


Open your book. Look in your book. Mumble something. Here we go.

Open your book.

-What do you think happened to Bobby? -I don't know. We'll talk about it later.

What's the first thing you're gonna do when you get free, Ned?

Keep your mouth open, Jim... and we'll talk about it on the northern side.

-I'm gonna do something important. -Yeah, that's fine.

Figure you're only alive so long... you might as well do something with yourself.

Piece of cake. Head in the book, read the book, mumble, over we go.

-I just wanted to thank you. -You don't owe me anything.

It's so rare that someone cares, you know.

-You didn't say I was weak. -You know, that's--

And I think I'm gonna tell my wife, just put it all at her feet.

-That's a great idea. -Father, would you do me the honor...

-of shaking my hand? -Sure.

Thank you.

Put Fathers Brown and Riley through.

Thank you, Father.


Stand over here! Not there, here!

Almost home free. We're almost home free.

Head in the book.

Good day, Fathers.

-Oh, no. -What?

It's the warden.

No, don't run. It's okay. We're okay. It's okay.

One more minute, and over we go.

I can't go back to the joint, Ned.

You don't have to. Just read the book.

Father, I'm looking forward to the procession.

Friends of mine tell me you two are the authors of some pretty deep books.

You know, it depends on your taste.

I'd like to read them sometime, if I could.

I think of myself as a good Catholic.

-We'll send you some. -I did a little writing myself once.

-Did you, now? That's great. -But I didn't have any luck selling it.

I was just wondering if you just might have look at this for me--

My goodness! Did we say our solemn prayer?

-We're busy right now. -I understand.

Gentlemen, it's all right. Let them through.

Let them pass, please. Father.

Sheriff, come here.

You instruct your men to shoot on sight or at my command.

$100 on the head of each man, dead.

You understand that? $100.


You didn't answer my question.

Is your shrine going to cure my little girl?

I mean, you told me to be true and I thought about it... and I thought I would be true.

I'd be glad to be true. What's in it for me?

You understand? If I believe....

I can't talk to you now.

You could talk to me before, when all you had was shame and all.

Why can't you talk now?

You're making a scene.

What's that compared to eternal life?

They've gotta be in this area... or they would have frozen in the woods.

You got a lot of spunk. Why don't you get out of here? Beat it! Get out of here!

Screw you, Your Holiness!

You think I didn't see... the way you looked at me when I said I'd go to bed with you?

Will you, for Christ's sake, will you shut up?

What are you, too scared or too cheap?

If God really made the world, he should have put some men in it.

You want to answer my question, Father?

I can't do it.

You want to lead us to the shrine?

You want to wash away our sins? I'm ready to change.

Get this thing up!

Damn you!

I'm already damned, Father. I'm damned to hell for adultery.

I'm damned for eternity.

What's a little rudeness going to get me? Two more weeks?

That's what I want to know. Everybody's saying how I....

Go away. Get out of here.

You had no business to come to my room.

-Get out of here. -What, was that the act of a man?

Yeah. Who are you? You don't know what your life is.

You don't know what my life is. Who are you? Live your own life!

Hey, why don't you? Who the hell are you to talk to me?

Why are you stuck up in a monastery? Watch my little girl.

-We have a populace. -You do not have a populace.

When I am gone, you have a populace.

Until then, all you've got is a bunch of suspects.

All right, how do we get past the warden?

She's deaf.

Okay, we can do this.

Just need a little thought. We need a plan. We're not gonna panic.

Every house, clear it out!

-Send in the dogs! Smoke them out! -People live here.

I don't give a goddamn! People can live here when those men are dead.

-Now, just go easy. -Easy?

You've got the wrong man.

-You got the convict clothing? -What? Yes.

We're going to go house to house.

Take some men around there. Go around there.

Do it.

-You stay here on the side with me. -Get the dogs, come on.

Follow me, over here. This way.

We've been in tougher spots than this before.

He's over there!

Easy, boy!

Who's in there?

-Good evening. -Hi there.

Good luck on the lottery tomorrow.

You're not wearing any shoes.

Brings us closer to the earth.

-So this is the statue that cries? -I guess it is.

And what does it do? It grants wishes?


I know what I'd wish for right now.

I'd wish for two new pairs of shoes.

Please, lady, give me and Ned two new pairs of shoes.

I say we try the river tonight, Ned.

What do we do? Walk on the water?

Steal a boat?

They got the waterfront sewed up tighter than a football.

Hey, what are you.... We're not going back.

I mean, Bob got across.

You don't know that Bobby got across.

We got to believe that, Ned. We got to.

-We do? -Oh, yeah.


Because if we don't, what are we going to believe?

Where you going?

To prayers and dinner.

Get back!

I'm telling you, nobody lives here except for the goddamn...monks.

Lady, I know you think I'm a bad guy, but I know....

I know you been watching me. But I'm not a bad person.

Please, don't let them take me back.

Please don't let them take me back.


The Weeping Madonna.

Hello, Father.

That's the wonderful thing about what you've written.

You and your friend.

We must never forget that it's simply a hole in the roof.


That's why we were so glad you could come.

You know, your notion on the true meaning of a miracle....

I just want to thank you.

I'm sorry if I disturbed you.

No, I was just....

The word you're looking for is "praying," I believe.

It's not easy being a priest all the time. I understand.

Don't worry.

It'll be all right, my son.


Sometimes I....

I just need help.

There is no help.

Did you ask her?

I suppose I did.

For what?

For help to get from one place to another place.

She's never let me down.

Will you be marching in the procession tomorrow?

No, Father, in truth, I have other things to do.

I understand.

That is a long walk into Canada.

Into Canada?

Yes, it's a long walk, all the way with the shrine, into Canada.

-Are we still doing that? -What?

We're carrying it, the thing, into Canada?

Yes, we're still doing it.

Across the bridge to our sister church on the Canadian side.

Thank you.

I changed my mind. I want to march in the procession.

-It's too late. -What do you mean, too late?

-You're late. You're a day late. -We got delayed.

We've just closed up the list.

-Well, open the list up. -Can't do it.

What do you mean, you can't do it?

Can't do it.

You want me to go above your head?

He doesn't understand the meaning of the phrase.

He doesn't? It means, I'm going to go to the head man...

I'm gonna rat you out. I got a problem. I got a right to march in that procession.

You sign me up!

This is not a Christian attitude.

You know what? You tell him, "tough!"

He says that there's something wrong about you.

Yeah? You tell him he don't know the half of it... unless he puts my name on that list.

All right.

Who will your afflicted be?

I'm sorry?

He says, "Are you deaf?" Who will your afflicted be?


Who will be the afflicted person you will be escorting in prayer... for the intercession of the Virgin?

We just thought we'd be going ourselves.

Yes, that's lovely. Let's live our lives with no rules at all.

Now, who will be the sick or crippled or disabled person... whom you will be escorting across?


Where's your mother?

Where's your mother?

Where's Mommy?

Mr. Holiness.

-Let me help you with this. -No. I don't need your help.

I want to ask you something.

You want to take me upstairs for a ride? You've got your nerve.

Yeah! I'm a sinner!

Big of you to say so.

-But I want to change. -Good luck.

I want to take your little girl on the procession of the shrine.

-You go to hell! -Why, what's the matter?

-You don't believe-- -I told you, piss off!

I don't need your magic show.

If God wants to take your little girl--

I told you, I don't want your goddamn mumbo-jumbo.

And I won't let you curse my kid with it.

Wait a second. Please.

Isn't there anything which would change your mind?

What could I do to change your mind?

-I'll tell you what would convince me. -What?

Jimmy. Jim.... Father Brown?

-Hey, Ned. -I have to talk to you.

Is there anything else I should know? I mean, at all?

-Is this too scratchy? -Jimmy!

You get used to it.

I have to talk to you.

-Not now, Ned. -Jimmy.

I've got it whipped, okay? I made my mind up.


-I'm going to check into a deal here. -What deal?

Father Brown was going to join our order.


-It's three squares and a cot. -Jimmy!

I told you, Ned, I'm not going back in.

I got the way out, Jimmy.

-You do? -Yeah.

We're about 300 feet from freedom and I can get us across.

Don't go native on me now.

What are you trying to do? Shanghai my pal?

Changed our minds. Sorry, changed our mind.

I can't believe it, Ned. They're going to catch us.

No, I promise you.

All we need is $100 off that shrine out there.

When the procession starts...

I am going to be holding on to a part of the float.

Okay, good.

Then Father Levesque will say:

"Suffer the little children to come unto me."

Here, take one of these.

Then I will hold out my hands... then you will come forward with the child...

-bring the afflicted child forward... -Okay.

...so that the child can join the group... of afflicted children.

I'm trying to explain these rules to you...

I'm listening.

...so that you will be able to follow them when the time comes.

Okay, good.

Then the child will stand in the group.

-You will stand near the child... -Okay.

...and wait for the signal from Father Levesque.

-Okay, good. -Are you following this?

Because we won't be able to discuss it at the time.

We can only discuss it now.

Hail Mary.

Now, first, we will all gather into the square.

And then there will be the brass band, and the children's choir... will say the Ave Maria.

And then they will raise the crucifix.

The altar boys will gather.

Father Levesque will raise his hand, and then you say what?

I say, "Follow...

"I will pray for the inter...."

-The intercession. -"Intercession...

-"for the unfortunates." -Yes.

-You got my money? -Excuse me?

You got my money? The procession's starting in 15 minutes.

Excuse me, aren't we going to finish discussing this?

Yeah, it's going be fine, will you?

Hey, you are one money-grubbing bitch! What's the matter with you?

Whatever, but the kid don't march in the parade without I get $100.

You're going to get your goddamn money!

How'd you get this way?

None of your business. What are you to me? Nothing.

You want me to pray, you want me to screw... you want me to march in the parade? Pay me.

Nice talk in front of your kid.

She can't hear you. She's deaf!

They shot him!

They shot who?

The one they were looking for, the convict.

He was trying steal the money.


They shot the convict!

He tried to get away, but they had to shoot him.

Ah hell, Jimmy. Where?

He ran inside the general store.

They chased him inside the general store and he tried to get a gun.


Coming through.

Warden, I was just about to....

Send for the doc. Get some more men over here.

It's him. We've got our convict.

I think he needs a priest.

I'm a priest.

Father, I've been shot.

I'm very happy for you.

He was trying to steal. I saw him over by the gun case....

Come on, get him out of here. Get him locked up.

He's gonna die, let him die in jail.

It's a priest. Let him through.

Jimmy, I'm so sorry I told you we got to get out of here.

What are you talking about? I ain't gonna die.

Get this goddamn priest out of here!


This man is on his last leg. Come on, hurry up.

Get out of the way, move back.

Come on, get that goddamn thing in here.

-Gently. -Come on, get him down there.

Now, look, he give you any sass, you let him drown in his own blood.


Wait a minute! Get me that priest!

I want to talk to that priest!

Father, this way now.

I want to confess my sins!

You son of a bitch, ain't there a Christian among you?

All right, Father. This way.

He don't look that sick.

-Excuse me. -I don't think he's religious.

Get me that priest!

Forgive this poor boy for what he did.

He knew not what he did. Deliver him from evil. Amen.

Let him....

Let his soul rest in some peace for all the terrible sins he did.

He was a bad person, but he repents for his sins.

Bless me, Father, for I have sinned.

I thought you were dead.

It's been a long time since my last confession.

Yeah, but why'd you have to shoot that deputy, Bob?

Cut the comedy, you would've done the same thing.

I'm not asking you where you got the priest togs, am I?

That's your business.

Just tell me how we get out of here.

I'm sorry for you, Bob.

You're what?

You stand to gaff for the men you shot. I am so sorry.

And if there's anything I could do to make you more comfortable....

What, are you joking?

What can I do, Bob? You know....


Doc says you're going to live long enough for us to fry you.

Escape from prison.

Murder of two guards.

Murderous assault on an officer.

Now, Father, you finish up here.

I'm coming back in here in five minutes.

And then you're going to tell me where those other two men are.

That's right.

What can I do, Bob? What can I do to get you out of here?

I don't know, but you better do it, or I'm gonna turn you in.

-They'll send us back inside. -Inside?

No, you won't be going back inside. I rat you out... we're all gonna fry for those guards we shot.

Excuse me?

You shot the guards, Bob.

No, I think not. I think you shot the guards.

No. You shot the guards, Bob.

No, I think you shot them!

I think that you shot the guards.

And I think that that's going to be my dying confession.

So what are you going to do to get me across that border?

-Father, are you about done? -Yeah.

I believe he's dying.

I'm going back. I have to get another priest... to help me administer the last rites.

We'll be upstairs, Father.

Here, put this on. I couldn't get the $100.

-Where the hell you been? -Bobby's in the slammer.

-What? -Yeah.

He's in the jail. He shot a cop, and they shot him.

They got him here?

Look, he saw me. He knows we're here.

He's gonna rat us out unless we help him escape.

We have to take him with us.

I don't get it. He says he's gonna rat us out?

-Let him rot in there! -I'm way ahead of you.

He says either he sees us coming back to save him... or he blows the whistle before we can get across.

-He's giving us five minutes. -How are we gonna get across?

I have no idea.

And now, as is traditional at this time before our procession... we will have the drawing of our lottery.

And now, I call up to stand beside me...

Father Brown.

Father Brown?

There he is.

Father Brown.

It's another Father Brown.

No, it's another Father Brown. It's not this one.


Father Brown.

I never won anything before.

I'm really anxious to get back down there... so the procession will go on.

It is with great happiness that I present to you Father Brown... whom, we may say, the hand of God himself... has chosen to deliver this year's sermon... on the miraculous properties of the shrine of the Weeping Virgin.

Father Brown.


"Have you ever felt completely alone?

"Alone in a world of danger, and no one to rely on?

"Danger on every hand.

"In a world fraught with danger.

"And at the brink of death...

"I felt in my pocket...

"and what did I find?"

What did I find?


There's nothing there.

It's all in your head.

They can take the money from you.

They can take the position from you.

I don't know, they can whip you.

People turn their back on you.

Everything happens to everybody.

And you ain't gonna find nothing in your pocket that can stave it off!

Nothing can stave it off!


Affliction. We say, "power."

Power doesn't do it.

'Cause you'll never have enough.


I don't know. You know anybody who has enough? Still... trouble befalls us.

Everyone has that sadness in their heart.

Some people are meant to be hard.

I don't know. It seems like they are.

We meet them.

Is God good?

I don't know.

All I know is...

something might give you comfort.

And maybe you deserve it.

If it comforts you to believe in God... you do it. That's your business.

People have guilty....

You know, guilty secrets.

But if that's yours... that you want to go believe in something...

well, that's not so bad.

All right. I don't want your money.

Just take the kid on the procession and pray for her.

And just you be careful and hold her hand.

What's this?

This is our ticket across the bridge.

We got to get out of here. We got 10 seconds.

Don't move.

If there's any trouble, I'm coming out shooting.

If there's any trouble, it's too late.

Trust me, you'll be the first to go.

What's he doing here?

How'd Bob get here?

I'll tell you later. Come on, let's get out of here.

They take the Madonna that belongs jointly to us... and the sister parish across the river in Canada... and the priests, they just walk it over there and....

He's gone!

Tell those men to go down to the river.

Come on, let's go!

Warden, I'm so sorry.

For all those who labor and are heavily laden.

My God.

Nobody move!

Hey! Come back here!

Any trouble?

Not the girl, Bob, not the girl.

Shut up!


-No. -Molly.

Get her!

No! Rosie.

Damn, just let me go!

So long.



Help me! Please!

Fred, help them out.

That's okay. I'm gonna get back across.

Back across with the shrine. Have to get....

Father, thank you. You saved my little girl.

-Thank you so much. -Don't thank me, thank God.

She's talking. Oh, my God, she's talking.

My baby's talking.



You've got to keep my secret. Please.

I cannot.

Please. Do good works count for nothing?

Come on, please, don't betray me.

He's a convict.

-Is this true? -Yes.

You're a convert?

Yes, we were both born...Lutheran.

God forgives you.


Quite a show yesterday.

-True bread and circuses. -You liked that, huh?

It's a true misapplication of the teachings of Christ.

You know, we're all entitled to that now.

You keep smiling.

About time.

Something funny.

I'd have been just as happy staying here.

Isn't that funny?

Yeah, it's hysterical. Come on.

Father Brown!

We missed you at Matins.

I kind of missed it, too. But what are you going to do?

Are you coming to Lauds?

I think Lauds have their place... but as it is, we got to get over to Canada.

-You know how it is. -Father Brown.

I'd like to stick around and enjoy your hospitality and so forth.

Father Brown!

We all enjoyed your sermon last night.

That's good. I'm glad you did.

Are you leaving with the others?

Yes, I think we are. We have to.

Father Brown.

-We got to go. -Father Brown.

Funny, right? I could have stayed in there.

Yeah, I told you it was funny. Now calm down, okay?

We get to the border, you make the sign of the cross over the guy...

I make the sign of the cross over the guy, over we go. Okay?


-See you at vespers. -You bet your life.

I suppose I should thank you.

Happy to serve.

Yeah, I suppose it's a miracle.

Still asleep?

Yeah, doc says she should sleep till noon.

Thank God.

What was she shouting at us yesterday?

Speaking in tongues.

You worked a miracle. Is that the truth?

Believe what you want to believe.

Are you still trying to pick a fight with me? Still?

No! No, I'm not picking a fight.

No, matter of fact, I was moved.

I was thankful what happened. What, is that so strange?

No, not strange at all.

Then, what about this?

I was moved and I'm thinking about I'll take holy orders.

-Holy orders? -Yeah.

You sure that's what you want to do?

Well, can you think of a better idea, Father?

A better idea?

Yeah. Maybe I can.

A better idea?

You want to share it with me, Father?

All in good time.