What a Girl Wants (2003) Script

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[***]

* Skip down Mistic Street *

* Have a smile It's on me *

* Cross-town Traffic plays *

* And Jimi is singing *

* Wonder Bread factory *

* Surplus stores And Maybelline *

* Gotta get me Out of the junkyard heap *

* Kicking back in marigold Summertime dreams *

* It's a good, good life *

* We got the good life *

* Falling in love Under the raspberry sun *

* Turn up the stereo Baby, have some fun *

* It's a good, good life *

* We got the good life *

* Fortune Jackpot blues *

* What's an empty pocket do? *

* Climb the nearest dream And start demanding *

* Beanbags, bobby pins, Glitter gel, I'm home again *

* Wa-na-na-na na-na-na-na Na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na-na *

* Oh, right **

My name is Daphne Reynolds, and I was born in New York City.

I've lived my whole life with my mom in a fifth-floor walkup in Chinatown.

It's always been just the two of us, me and Libby.

But every year on my birthday I'd make a wish.

Make a wish, baby!

That someone else could be there too.

And every year when he didn't come, I'd ask my mom to tell me the same story.

You never get tired of this one, do you? Okay.

Once upon a time, there was a young, very cool singer named Libby who one day decided to go out and see the world.

[YELLING]

Oh!

Little did she know that in the deserts of Morocco fate was waiting for her...

Ooh! and his name was Henry.

[***]

They fell madly, passionately, hopelessly in love, and were married by the chief of a Bedouin tribe.

[TRIBE CHEERING]

Henry brought her to England to meet his family so they could get married for real.

But fate was not so kind this time.

She was definitely not what they were expecting.

[MUSIC DISTORTS AND CUTS OFF]

But when Henry's father suddenly died, Libby knew there'd be even more pressure on him to lead a certain kind of life, because he was now Lord Dashwood, and Libby was no one's idea of a lady.

Henry knows all about it.

If you love Henry, you will go now.

I think you should see this.

Apparently there's someone else.

So even though it broke her heart, she knew she had to leave him.

But a few months later, fate gave her the greatest gift of all:

A beautiful baby girl named Daphne.

Sweet dreams, kiddo.

Love you. Love you.

I can't believe you're 15 years old today.

Sweet dreams, Henry.

[ROCK 'N' ROLL PLAYING]

On my 17th birthday, Mom and I had to work.

But it turned out to be where my story really began.

You delivering something?

Yeah, about three hours of watered-down rock 'n' roll... oh, and one very late waitress.

Sorry. Ow!

MAN: Hey, watch your head.

Are you related?

Can I park it? Yeah, over there.

[HONKS HORN]

* ...place on earth *

* Ooh, heaven Is a place on earth *

WOMAN: Woo-hoo! Wooo-hooo!

How could he do this to me?

It's our wedding day! Where is he?

What? I should know?

Twenty minutes and she's lost him already.

BRIDE: Very funny.

Whoa!

[***]

Hey, how you doing?

[GRUNTS]

I'm sorry, can I borrow this? Thanks.

Oh! Ah! Ah!

Thanks.

Sorry about this. All right. Come on, big guy, wakey-wakey.

[YELLS]

Help! Ma!

Woo!

It's cold and I can't get it out!

Shout! Shout!

* You know you make me Wanna shout *

* Lift my hands up And shout *

* Lift my arms up And shout *

* Throw my head back So come on now *

* Don't forget to say you will *

* Don't forget to shout Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Say you will *

CROWD: * Hey-yay-yay *

* Say that you love me Say that you need me *

* Say that you want me You want to please me **

Are you done with this, sir?

Oh, thanks.

Daphne?

Noelle!

What are you doing here?

Oh, I'm just clearing the chicken cacciatore.

Oh, my God, that is so funny!

Guess what.

I'm interning at Jenkins and Taylor before I go to Duke, pre-law.

What's up next for you?

The dessert. It's a selection of sorbets.

No, I mean where are you going to college?

Oh, that would be the University of the Undecided.

Is that in Ohio?

Yeah.

Undecided, Ohio.

Well, I guess I better be going.

But say hey to Jenkins. And Taylor.

But--

If everyone will please clear the dance floor, the bride and her father would like to share a special dance.

* For all those times You've stood by me *

* For all the truth That you made me see *

[CROWD APPLAUDING]

* For all the joy You brought to my life *

* For all the wrong That you made right *

* For every dream You made come true *

* For all the love I found in you *

* I'll be forever thankful Baby *

* You're the one Who helped me up *

* And never let me fall *

* You're the one Who saw me through *

* Through it all *

* You were my strength When I was weak *

* You were my voice When I couldn't speak *

* You were my eyes When I couldn't see *

* You saw the best There was in me *

* Lifted me up When I couldn't reach *

* You gave me faith That you believed *

* I'm everything I am Because you loved me **

I know. I saw the look.

I don't want to talk about it.

Every time we do these weddings, Mom, I see the father-daughter dances.

I just--

I can't help but think that I'm never gonna get to do that.

I know you think you're doing the right thing by keeping me from him, but I--

Honey.

I was trying to protect you from getting hurt the same way I was.

You left him, remember?

It's not like he jumped on a plane and came after me, Daphne.

Well, maybe he would have if he knew I existed.

It's not that simple.

Why can't you understand, Mom?

I feel like half of me is missing.

And without the other half, how am I supposed to know who I really am?

Daph.

Getting to know someone because they share the same DNA with you isn't the answer.

It's about getting to know yourself.

Come on, let's go steal some leftovers.

Lasagna looks great.

I love you a million Swedish fish.

I love you a million red M&M's.

[***]

* You'll be coming home soon *

* I know you're out of place *

* Will you Knock on my door soon? *

* I just need to see your face *

* Oh, my heart Is like a speeding train *

* Oh, my love And I could feel your pain *

Taxi!

Where to, miss?

JFK, Virgin Atlantic.

No problem.

DAPHNE ON ANSWERING MACHINE: I thought maybe the answer was taking a year or two off before college to find out what I'm supposed to do with my life.

But deep down, I think I've always known... what I really need more than anything else in the world is to find him... to find my dad.

Mom, you always said it was up to me to write the rest of my story... but you've been writing it for me, Mom.

* You'll be coming home soon **

Now it has to be my turn.

[JET ENGINE ROARING]

[***]

Can I borrow that for a sec?

Sure. Thanks.

* London calling To the faraway towns *

* Now war is declared And battle come down *

* London calling To the underworld *

Oh, wow!

* Come out of the cupboard You boys and girls *

* London calling Now don't look to us *

* Phony Beatlemania Has bitten the dust *

* London calling See we ain't got no swing *

* 'Cept for the ring Of that truncheon thing **

Great Britain Grand Hotel?

[THUNDER ROLLS]

What?

Uh! Oh! Uh!

Whew.

* ...every once in a while *

* We all need Someone to hold *

* Just like A helpless child *

* Just like a Helpless child *

No, that's not it.

No, it sounded really good.

Thanks. Is that a Gibson J-200?

Yeah.

Are you a musician?

No, but I live with one back home.

Oh.

My mom.

Oh.

So, uh... you checking in?

Day job?

Yeah. One of many.

You know, life of a struggling musician.

Ah.

MAN: Hey, Ian, catch!

Come on, I'll show you around.

So the kitchen's through there.

Common room's down the hall.

I should warn you, though, the dog and bone's on the blink and we've no lift here. Huh?

Um... Phone is broken.

[TOILET FLUSHING]

Elevator, none.

Loo's free.

Who's Lou?

We better take this slowly.

TELEVISION REPORTER: ...exploded into life 24 hours ago, when Lord Henry Dashwood announced today that he was giving up his hereditary seat in the House of Lords to run for election as a commoner.

Why should an accident of birth give me the right to make decisions for people?

The only power I want...

My dad! is the power that the voters choose to give me.

That's why I'm standing in this election.

Thank you very much.

REPORTER: Lord Dashwood, who will marry his fiancée Glynnis Payne in the presence of the queen later this summer, will also inherit a stepdaughter, the lovely Clarissa Payne.

But it's this surprising announcement of Lord Dashwood's that has sent shock waves through Westminster.

He now appears to be an unstoppable political force.

I have to admit, Henry, when you first suggested giving up your seat in the House of Lords...

Well, I-- I began to question your sanity.

But, no, this is political dynamite.

Call me old-fashioned, but I had the eccentric idea that we might actually be doing the right thing.

Yes, well, it is possible to do the right thing and still be a winner.

The latest poll puts the party six points ahead.

That's all due to you, Henry.

You're transforming the image of the party your father loved.

He would have been so proud of you.

Loot at you. You're young, thrusting, idealistic, an impeccable reputation.

And a fabulous fiancée with all the right connections.

Sorry to interrupt, Daddy, but if I don't steal Henry away this minute, he'll miss his speech at the Oxfam ball.

Oh, blast it, my speech.

Right-hand pocket, darling.

She thinks of everything.

Well, gentlemen, that seems to be all. Thank you.

You two enjoy yourselves, hm?

How's our boy doing?

I'd say if he doesn't ruffle too many feathers, we're looking at the next prime minister.

Excellent.

Ian, I don't know if I can do this anymore.

Daphne, he's your father.

You've flown halfway around the world to see him.

You can't turn back now.

He's got a family now, I mean...

You saw them. They're so elegant and sophisticated.

It's like...

What would he want with me?

Yeah, well, you got a point there.

Shut up.

It's just not as simple as I thought.

Maybe I should just go home and let him get on with his life.

[***]


Can I help you, miss?

Um...

Actually, no.

Thanks.

Ow.

Perfect. Absolutely wonderful. Thank you so much. Ciao.

You haven't forgotten Lady Wrightwood's this afternoon, have you, Clarissa?

She is sponsoring us for the Royal Enclosure at Ascot. We have to be there.

I thought marrying Henry meant we didn't have to try so hard.

I'm not getting married for another five weeks.

And until then we have to keep up appearances.

Look what happened to Olivia Dixon when she went to China last summer.

Who's Olivia Dixon?

Exactly.

Did you see that? What?

An impossibly large bird falling off that wall.

Are you hallucinating?


These eggs are positively glacial.

When I run this house, senile servants will be the first thing to go.

You'll have to get around the old bat somehow.

She'd never allow it.

Anyone seen my pruning shears?

The old bat seems to have forgotten where she put them.

Morning. Morning, Mother. Morning, darling.

Everyone sleep well?

[SCREAMS]

Apparently not.

There's someone at the window. I'm not hallucinating this time.

It's those bloody paparazzi again.

Percy, call the police. I will not tolerate this media circus!

Where do you think you're going, hm?

It's you!

How long do you people have to spy on me before you realize there is no story here?

I think you've got the wrong idea.

Tell it to the authorities.

You know, the real scandal is how young they're starting you guttersnipes now.

You sit down and tell me who sent you.

The Sun? The Daily Star?

Good heavens, you can't be more than 17.

Go on, take your picture and go away.

I already have a picture of you.

GLYNNIS: Darling, Henry, what's going on?

Where the devil did you get this?

From Libby.

That singer you met on a camel?

Why would Libby give this to you?

She thought I'd want to know what my father looked like.

My name is Daphne Reynolds. I'm Libby's daughter.

According to this, I'm your daughter too.

Oh, for heaven's sake!

Seems you had an even better time in Morocco than you let on.

Oh, dear God.

I haven't--

No, this is impossible.

Must be a mistake. Exactly, a mistake.

A piece of paper doesn't prove anything.

This woman Libby must have written down the first man she could think of.

As far as I know, you're the only man she's ever thought of.

Right, Henry, can I have a word with you in private for a moment, please?

Henry?

You're not going to believe her, are you?

Maybe I...

Maybe I shouldn't have come.

I mean, I can tell this is a big shock for you.

I know I'm freaking out and I've known since I was 2.

Don't get me wrong, I mean freaking out in a good way.

As in I've only dreamt about this my whole life.

Not that exact entrance, of course.

I imagined something a little more graceful.

I can see now that it was probably a mistake.

I shouldn't have come.

Sorry, did you just say you've known about this your whole life?

Yeah.

Good. Well, now we've got that settled, how about some tea and a nice piece of fruitcake?

But your mother didn't feel I deserved the same consideration?

No to the fruitcake, then.

How could she keep something like this from me?!

Excuse me, what happened to the mistake theory we were operating on a moment ago?

No, wait a minute, ducky.

Henry, I know this has come as a shock, but we can't just let the girl go.

At least not until we've got to the bottom of this.

Shall I call a hotel, madam?

And tell them what, exactly?

The best-known electoral candidate in a generation is requesting a room for a teenage girl?

The press will have a field day, darling.

C-Can we just leave the press out of this?

No, Glynnis is absolutely right, dear.

Thank God someone else here is thinking straight.

The girl must stay here, with us.

Darling, all I'm saying is before we let this hypothetical daughter blow your political career completely out of the water we might at least consider doing some checking up on her.

Checking up for what?

I don't know, criminal record? Blood type?

Triple sixes on her scalp?

Glynnis, she has a birth certificate, she has my photograph and she has my eyes.

Only trying to think of what's best for you.

I know you don't like thinking about it, but the press can be absolutely brutal.

"Exclusive! Henry Dashwood in Love Child Shocker!"

Actually, she's not strictly a love child.

Her mother and I were married.

I mean, not technically.

It was a Bedouin ceremony in Morocco.

We planned to make it official as soon as we got back, but for some reason Libby decided to...

Well, anyway, she left.

Apparently taking something of yours with her.

Put a cork in it, Clarissa.

Maybe someone should have put a cork in it 17 years ago!

[CUP SHATTERS]

Well, here we are.

Will it do?

Will it do? Are you kidding? It's incredible!

I mean, it's bigger than our entire apartment and the Chinese restaurant downstairs and the dry cleaner down the street.

I mean, it makes the White House look like a McDonald's.

I get the point, dear.

Now, why don't I send Percy to fetch your things.

Thank you so much, Lady Dashwood.

No hugs, dear.

I'm British. We only show affection to dogs and horses.

Oh. Right.

You rock!

Hello?

Libby? Henry.

Is she there? Is she all right?

Yeah, she's here.

She's fine. Mother is force-feeding her ancient fruitcake as we speak.

Libby, how could you not tell me I'd fathered a child?

You let her show up 17 years later, unannounced--

And what?

Put a dent in your political career?

No, that's not--

If you're afraid of a scandal, just send her back.

This isn't about any scandal, this is about finding out I had a daughter for half my life!

Libby.

I didn't want her to get hurt.

What is that supposed to mean?

Ask your advisors.

They've gotten you this far, haven't they?

[BELLS RINGING]

My point is that Henry's strength has always been that he's completely scandal-free, unlike his opponent. This could ruin everything.

Have you finished stating the obvious?

Good. Then let me explain what we're going to do.

We give the papers the story, but we spin it our way.

Let's see what we have.

Yes, the Royal Dress Show.

Introduce her as the daughter you've always known, but rarely had an opportunity to spend time with.

The press still gets a story, but one that's been cut off at the knees.

May I remind you, Alistair, that we are dealing with a living, breathing 17-year-old girl here. That's the problem.

The only thing we know about her is that she's an American teenager.

Hardly a promising start.

Still, what do you think, Henry? Liability or asset?

Well, I've only spent a few moments with her myself, but my sense of her from first impression is that she's quite mature for her age.

[***]

She certainly seems well-mannered.

[***]

Woo!

Thanks, Percy!

Your lunch, Miss Daphne.

I'd say rather self-contained, soft-spoken.

* What's your flavor? Tell me, what's your flavor? *

* What's your flavor? Tell me, what's your flavor? *

* What's your flavor? **

Perfect. Let's run with it.

[PHONE RINGING]

Ah, me. Please be Armistead.

Dashwood residence, Clarissa speaking.

Hi, this is Ian Wallace. Is Daphne Reynolds there please?

She's not here.

There's no one here by that name, actually. Sorry.

If you do happen to see her, could you tell her Ian Wallace is trying to find her?

Absolutely. I will.

Not.


Hey!

Daphne. Mr. Dashwood.

Lord Dashwood?

Call me Henry.

Henry. Okay.

This is a cool room.

Listen, I...

I was just wondering if, um...

I was just wondering if...

Well, I don't know if this would interest you, actually, but I was hoping you might accompany me to the Royal Dress Show on Friday.

Dress show?

Yes, I mean, it's ass-numbingly dull, and uh...

It's just some of the people I have to impress take it frightfully seriously.

Is it like a fashion show?

Gwyneth and Madonna always go to those things, right?

Do you think they'd be there?

I have no idea what you're talking about, but for me it's just a stop on the campaign trail.

For Glynnis, it's a chance to launch Clarissa on society.

Launch her? You make her sound like a ship.

No, in Clarissa's case it's more like an intercontinental ballistic missile.

She's what in the old days might have been called a debutante.

Oh. So, I...

Well, I don't know. I just...

Could you bear it?

Could I bear it? I mean, that'd be...

That'd be cool.

Really? Yeah.

Well, good. That's settled, then. That's good.

Good.

I forgot. I brought this for you.

It's some pictures of me growing up and stuff.

Oh, that's...

I thought you might want to have it.

Thank you very much. Thank you.

That's splendid, thank you.

Okay.


Oh, Daphne, could I get your advice on something?

Sure.

I just can't decide which one to wear to the show tomorrow and I was wondering what you thought.

Is that a Gucci tartan mini? That's so cute!

You can go that funky to the Royal Dress Show?

Daphne, that's the whole point.

Turn up in a sensible dress and some pearls and you might as well wear a big sign saying, "Spot the Plonker."

Oh, well, I'm glad you told me. Wouldn't want to be a plonker.

What are stepsisters for?

This is really cute.

Good. I'll wear that, then.

See you later! Bye!

Hi, I'm here to see Daphne Reynolds.

Do you have an appointment, sir?

No, but she's a good friend of mine.

I'm afraid you don't get in without an appointment, sir.

Look, you don't understand, she's a good friend of mine.

She'll want to see me.

Could you move away now, please, sir?

What? Could you move away now, please?

All right, chill out, mate.

You don't own the place.

* You say, come back Don't go in too deep *

* But it's a rush so you do it But you don't dare *

* Even though there's Nothing to it and *

* This town's always gonna think I'm a little crazy *

[YELLS]

No, stop!

[WHIMPERS]

No! No, stop! Whoa! Whoa!

Hm?

[DAPHNE YELLING]

DAPHNE: No. Not good.

I'm so sorry. One second.

I'll be right there. Almost ready.

One second!

Henry, we have to go!

Prince Charles is going to be there already, and Harry and Wills.

Why doesn't Daphne just come along later?

Well, I suppose Percy could drive--

Brilliant. It's settled, then.

Come on!

* Got my keys inside my car *

* And the highway Is opening wide *

* You ask me where... **

Well, isn't this perfect?

[***]

Go low on that one, Army.

Low? Low it is.

You'd think they'd choose debs who actually had ankles.

Those look like baked hams.

PERCY: Shall I park the car?

No, it's okay. See you later!

Sorry. No admittance. The show's already started.

Oh, come on!

Cow!

Where is this Daphne, anyway?

CLARISSA: I don't know.

She'll probably swing through on a vine any minute.

The girl is positively barbaric.

I just hope she doesn't embarrass me in front of Armistead.

* You better keep movin' You better keep movin', boy *

* You better keep movin' *

We've still got the arrival of Henry's illegitimate daughter to look forward to.

You needn't worry on that account.

Henry has assured me she will be the soul of discretion.

MAN: Is there much more of this?

* ...or you'll be left behind *

Is this the way to the show?

Yes, darling. Go, go! You're on!

* Oh *

Oh, my giddy aunt!

* I, I, I *

* I wanna be bad with you baby *

Whoa! Oh, my dear.

Holy poo on toast!

* I wanna be bad with you baby *

Darling! Henry... do something!

* Do you understand what I need From you? *

* Just let me be the girl To show you, you *

Ugh! That's her.

Oh.

* I wanna be bad *

* You make bad look so good *

* I've got things on my mind *

Amateur!

* I never thought I would *

Who is that adorable creature?

* I, I wanna be bad *

She can dump tea in my harbor anytime.

* I'm losing all my cool *

My God!

* I'm about to break the rules *

* I, I wanna be bad **

Thank you, London!

Aah!

[CRASH]

I say, are you all right? Are you sure?

WOMAN #1: What a disgrace!

WOMAN #2: Must be American.

Make way, everyone. Tacky American coming through.

My evil stepsister.

You've seen Cinderella, right?

Let me clue you in. I win.

Hmph!

Oh, what a cute dog!

I beg your pardon?

I'm Henry Dashwood's daughter from New York.

I didn't know Henry had a daughter.

Can I play with him?

Oh! She's very temperamental! A biter!

Seems sweet.

Hey. Aw, hey, guy.

I like the ribbon.

Oh, dear. Excuse me, won't you?

Cute little guy, let's play.

Princess Charlotte, I do apologize.

It's all right, Henry.

I've just been having a... a delicious moment with your daughter.

Wonderful girl.

A little rough around the edges, perhaps, but you'll soon smooth those out.

Is she staying for the summer?

No, no, no, no, no, no.

Oh, I'm afraid not. No, no, no.

No. No.

Yes. My daughter will be joining us this season.

What season?

Oh, my dear, you'll love it!

Beautiful gowns, lovely tiaras, long, silky gloves and the feverish kissing in the cloakroom.

I must have my little baby back.

Come here, my darling. There.

[DOG BARKS VICIOUSLY]

Ah! Oh, oh.

There now, sweetheart.

You've found a new friend.

Come on, Daphne.

PRINCESS CHARLOTTE: Who's my precious girl?

HENRY: Let's get you out of here.

Daddy! Hm?

Relax, darling, relax.

She'll be gone in no time, just like her mother.

Aah!

Jesus!

You scared the bejesus out of me.

Sorry.

So you're the milk thief.

What are you doing up so late?

Jet lag.

What's your excuse?

Couldn't sleep. Just thinking.

How I nearly wiped out the entire royal family?

Actually, I think they rather enjoyed it.

It's the first time I've seen Princess Charlotte take a shine to anyone.

And no one will go near that dog since it ate one of Lord Barret's testicles last year.

Tragic.

Actually, no, the real tragedy is that he's still reproducing.

Coco Pops. Interesting choice.

I had you down as an All-Bran man.

These are strictly contraband.

Glynnis makes me eat that other gravel every morning.

Do you like Coco Pops?

Dude, it's chocolate. Need I say more?

Did you mean what you said about me staying for the summer?

Yes. Yes, I did.

So does that mean I'm gonna be launched on society?

Actually, I suppose we ought to arrange some sort of coming-out party for you.

Coming-out party? Coming out as what?

Well, um... as a young woman.

What are you trying to say, Henry?

I just-- I mean as a young woman of a certain, uh, social standing and eligibility.

Eligibility? For what?

Well, for, for, for men to--

I mean, for male suitors to, um, to...

I'm not explaining this very well, am I?

No, not at all.

But I'm having fun watching you try.

Yes, well, perhaps we ought to leave the party arrangements to you.

It's not my kind of thing, but I'll think about it.

Thanks, Henry.

Oh, I was just wondering whether your mother ever...?

No. No, she never got married.

No, but obviously there'd be...

There'd be somebody, you know...

Well, off to bed, I suppose.

I hope you find your sleeping arrangements conducive to a-- to a good night's--

Henry? "Sweet dreams" is all it takes.

Right.

Well, sweet dreams.

Sweet dreams, Henry.

Morning, Henry!

Ah!

Off to work?

I was just, um-- Well, yes.

Oh, that reminds me.

We must get a dress sorted out for you for Saturday.

What's happening on Saturday?

The ball at the Orwoods'.

Lots of hands to shake, I'm afraid.

I can help Daphne find a dress.

Now, we all know that wouldn't be a good idea.

No, no, no, I found a gown for Daphne at my designer's, darling.

I've put it in your room, dear. It's utterly ravishing.

Excellent. Well, thank you, Glynnis.

I'm counting on you girls to give Daphne some pointers.

Bye, now.

Oh, very you.

Lovely.

Thanks.

So Henry asked us to give you some pointers, didn't he?

Well, pointer number one, go home.

Mother and I belong here and it's quite clear that you just don't fit in.

And pointer number two? While you're packing, keep your grimy little Yankee paws off Armistead Stuart.

He's mine.

If you'd take your nose out of the air, you'd see that you're designer, I'm vintage.

You've got a mansion, I have a five-floor walkup.

You're snotty Little Miss Cranky Pants and I go with the flow.

So why would you ever think for one second that I'd ever have the same taste in guys?

So here's a little pointer for you.

Get over yourself.

And stop trying to be my daddy's little girl, because I'm not going anywhere.

[GRUNTS]

Bye.

Ooh!

Pull!

Don't listen to that silly little twit Clarissa.

She's just threatened by you, that's all.

Pull!

Why would she be threatened?

Because her mother is about to marry my son and gain a title and all that goes with it.

For years, Alistair tried to elevate his position through my husband's political career.

Now he's got his claws into Henry.

People like Alistair and Glynnis, social standing is everything.

Pull!

[MEOWS]

It's silly, but they live by it. And I lived by it too, once.

Till I saw what a toll it took on the people who I love most.

Oh, believe me, dear, there'll be plenty of people rooting for you to fail.

That's what makes it such fun.

Bring it on.

Pull!

Oh, dear. Is that how the West was won?

Hm.

[***]

Lord Henry Dashwood.

Miss Glynnis Payne. Miss Clarissa Payne.

Mr. and Mrs. Edward Ashley.

PHOTOGRAPHER #1: Thank you very much.

PHOTOGRAPHER #2: Thank you.

PHOTOGRAPHER #3: Thanks. REPORTER #1: Who's next?

Lord and Lady Harrison Gordon.

Lord and Lady Jeffrey Charles.

Now, come along, Daphne.

Deep breath and remember the family motto.

What's the family motto?

Qui Patitur Vincit.

What does that mean?

It means, ducky, hang in there and you'll rock!

Lady Jocelyn Dashwood, Countess of Wycombe.

BUTLER: Lady Jocelyn Dashwood, Countess of Wycombe.

[WHISPERING] Miss Daphne...

Miss Daphne Reynolds.

413 Mulberry Street, Chinatown, New York.

What has she done to that dress?

Mother!

REPORTER #2: Fantastic!

REPORTER #3: Who designed the dress, Miss Reynolds?

REPORTER #4: Could you hold it on that step, please?

Let's go. That wretched girl!

Mm. Yummy.

REPORTER #5: Can you look this side, please?

That's right.

Can I have another smile?

That's beautiful, Miss Reynolds. This way. Lovely.

Can we get a photograph--?

Excuse me, thank you.

Thank you. That will be all, gentlemen.

Thank you very much.

I'm awfully sorry about that.

You're still something of a novelty, I'm afraid.

So are those the girls that are coming out?

Yes, that's Peach and Pear Orwood.

They're the precious daughters of Lord Orwood.

Have you noticed the chandelier?

Chairman of my constituency party.

The real love of his life is that chandelier up there.

For heaven's sake, don't let him catch you looking at it for too long.

You'll start him off on his supernaturally boring story about how Napoleon gave it to Josephine at the Battle of Borodino.

And believe me, the story is longer than the battle.

Excuse me, sir.

I wonder if I might request a dance from your gorgeous daughter.

I'm sure she'd be delighted. Thank you, Armistead.

CLARISSA: I can't believe that little imposter is going to ruin my summer.

She may be a lot of things, but I can't believe imposter is one of them.

Technically speaking, she's 39th in line to the throne.

Really, Fiona, 38 people would have to die for her to be queen.

Well, it's far less than the 72 you'd need.

Hmph!

Women are just drawn to me.

It's something I happen to be blessed with.

An indefinable quality that just relaxes them, fascinates them.

You're feeling it now, aren't you, Dabney?

It's Daphne.

And let me guess, you're feeling it in my backside?

* Everybody wants to be loved *

* Every once in a while *

Ian.

* We all need someone To hold onto *

* Just like a helpless child *

* Yeah *

* Can you whisper in my ear? *

* Let me know it's all right *

* It's been a long time coming *

* Down this road *

* And now I know *

* What I've been searching for *

* Oh, been a long Long highway and *

* Now I see *

* Ooh, love's been a long time *

* Oh, been a long time *

* Love's been a long time *

* Coming **

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

BAND MEMBER: Ladies and gentlemen, we're gonna take a short break.

See you in 10.

Warning: colonial strumpet alert.

Oh, hi, I'm Daphne Reynolds. Peach and Pear, isn't it?

Are those your real names?

Yes. Yes.

Pumpkin and Gourd would have been much more appropriate.

Our mother was a bit obsessed with fruit.

And vegetables.

We have a sister called Parsnip.

She doesn't get out much.

CLARISSA: Let's bail. This party's a total bore.

Don't listen to her. The party's hopping!

[SNORES]

Excuse me for a second?

BOTH: She is so nice.

Ah, Henry, old chap.

Ronald. What a wonderful evening.

I'm glad you're enjoying yourself.

I don't know if you've noticed the chandelier.

Actually, it's a rather fascinating story.

[IAN WHISPERING] Yeah, I've got to go. Excuse me.

Looking for me?

Oh, no. I was just looking for the loo.

Outside?

On the terrace?

Mm-hm.

All right, so you caught me.

So let me guess.

You're gonna disappear again without so much as a glass slipper?

No, this Cinderella's got a dad now.

She's not going anywhere.

Your song was really beautiful.

Thanks.

It's not gonna liven up this party, though.

Poor girls. I feel sorry for them.

PEACH AND PEAR: Hello.

A dud like this will send them straight back to social Siberia.

What do you say we liven things up a little bit?

Get the party started.

Well, first of all, I could get fired.

And second of all, I could get fired.

Come on.

No. Wimp.

No. No.

For me?

Okay, let's do it.

...insufferable deprivation of this house--

Okay, guys. One, two, three, four!

I'm cranking up the bass!

[YELLS]

What?

Wow!

Come on, say it now!

Woo! Yeah!

I'm back!

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Dance, shake it now *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Try to release that pressure *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it, now *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it You'll feel better *

* Get up offa that thing *

* Shake it Come on *

* Get up off Huh! *

* Ow! Good God! *

* Yeah *

* Everybody *

* Come on *

* Whoa-ah-oh *

What the devil is going on?! Is that girl yours?

Uh, yes. Yes, she is.

What do you suggest I tell my daughters when they're lying awake at night crying over their ruined ball?

* Whoa **

No!

LORD ORWOOD: Oh, my precious!

You!

Come on. We're going. Come on.

REPORTER: Lord Dashwood!


This is ridiculous.


Have you seen the papers, Henry?

It's everywhere. We have to do something.

Frankly, I don't know anyone that isn't relieved to see that wretched chandelier go.

Percy, what on Earth are you giving Henry?

They're called Coco Pops, madam.

DAPHNE: Morning.

Hardhat, anyone?

You never know when something sharp might fall from the sky.

I'm most dreadfully sorry, miss.

You idiot!

These are my best suede Pradas.

Do you have any idea how expensive they are?

[WHINING]

I'm really sorry about last night.

I was just trying to help them out.

Where on earth did you find that revolting song?

James Brown, 1976, charted out at number 14.

I have no idea where that came from.

[PHONE RINGS]

What?

Gillian, darling.

Yes, I'm sorry, it's just an awful time.

What kind of music did you listen to when you were younger?

You mean, back before the Earth's crust cooled?

Yeah. Like favorite band of the '70s.

Please don't say the Bee Gees.

Please, don't say the Bee Gees.

No, actually, they were called Little Feat.

And I saw them half a dozen times.

I remember they once--

Um, Henry, it's 8:15, and you have an appointment in Westminster at 9:15.

Oh, yes. Um-- Yes, you're right.

[WHISPERS] Have to go.

See you later.

HENRY: Bye.

Miss Daphne, Mr. Wallace is here to see you.

Don't let him in, I'm not even cute yet!

[GROANS]

What am I gonna wear?

[IAN CLEARS THROAT]

Hello, sir. Ian Wallace.

I'm here to pick up Daphne.

How you doing?

How do you do?

Good.

Who are you?

I'm a musician. I was at the ball last night.

You were in the band?

Mm.

Now you and Daphne are, um--?

Eloping together? Yeah.

I realize it's a bit sudden, but after last night, there really was no turning back.

You're joking.

Yes, sir.

Right.

Hey! Hey.

Don't wait up, Henry.

IAN: See you.

[DOOR CLOSES]

Wow.

Okay, so, what we need's a little cheering up, right?

Hold the "little."

Just leave it all to me.

[ENGINE STARTS]

You ready? Let's go!

DAPHNE: Woo-hoo!

[DAPHNE YELLING]

DAPHNE: Yeah!

* I'm a little out of tune *

* Some say I'm paranormal *

* So I just bend their spoon *

* Who wants to be ordinary *

* In a crazy, mixed-up world *

* I don't care What they're sayin' *

* As long as I'm your girl *

* Hey, you are on my side *

IAN: Oh, hey, you gotta try these.

These are great kebabs. Can we have two?

Nice. Thank you. DAPHNE: Thanks.

This is awesome!

* You get me *

* When nobody understands *

I like these. Ooh!

Oh, my God. I love these.

Yeah. This place has always got really nice stuff.

That suits you.

I'll get it. Are you sure?

No, it's fine. Honestly.

Oh, wait, wait. What is it?

This is so pretty.

Yeah? Nah.

You like? Yeah, it's cool.

* You get me *

* You get me *

Looks good. Yeah, I like it.

* ...sunshine In the pouring rain *

* Some people Think I'm crazy... **

Thanks for my bracelets.

It's okay.

Today was really fun. I needed it.

Good. Glad you're enjoying yourself.

From now on, I'm gonna behave.

Behave like what, exactly?

I don't know.

An impeccably brought up young lady.

No more repeats of last night.

Okay. Well, I just chose you to help!

[***]

Okay, that's it. Now gently slide your foot back.

Oh!

So much for gently. Hold this.

You gotta think grace. You gotta think poise.

You gotta think balance.

Observe.

Nice!

So tell me, Obi-Wan, where did you learn your impressive skills?

Well, if you really want to know, believe it or not... my mother was a deb.

Really?

Yeah, and then she chose to marry beneath her.

Her parents promptly disowned her.

But for some reason they took pity on me, their half-breed grandson.

They paid for me to go to the right schools.

They got me into all the right clubs.

Until one day I realized the hypocrisy of it all.

And your parents?

They're poor as church mice and they're the happiest people I know.

Now, enough stalling.

Get up there and let me see you perform.

All right. All right.

Okay. Find your center.

Good. That's it.

Okay. Now.

[BOTH YELLING]

[BOTH LAUGHING]

You know what I still don't get?

Why are you trying so hard to fit in when you're born to stand out?

[***]

[PHONE RINGING]

Hello?

Five hours ago your daughter rode off on the back of a motorcycle and hasn't been heard from since.

Are we talking about a date?

I don't know, but I dread to think.

The boy's in some sort of band!

Really? Cool. Let me guess, he's a drummer.

This is serious, Libby. As I recall, I spent a great deal of time on the back of your motorbike.

Yeah, well, I think that's, that's rather different.

Strange how easy it comes, isn't it?

What?

Worrying.

Does it ever go away?

No, Henry, it doesn't.

GLYNNIS: Henry! Henry!

Libby, I'm sorry, I'm gonna have to run.

Darling, this really is important.

I've just had a long conversation with a Bedouin translator, and apparently there are certain kinds of drums which indicate an actual marriage, whereas others they just use merely for mating rituals.

Have I just entered a parallel universe?

Don't you see what this means?

It's possible that you and Libby never had a real wedding after all.

So there's nothing to interfere with our plans, is there, darling?

Isn't that good news, Henry? Henry?

[***]


Here we go.

Hey, man, did you park that Merc?

Oh. Hang on a second. Hello, sir.

Ian. I had no idea you were so versatile.

Henry, come along, lots to do.

The assembled press are waiting.

Hi.

Hey. What are you doing here?

Well, you know, another one of my glamorous jobs.

Oh.

You look beautiful. Thanks.

I have to be on my best behavior.

You better be.

There's even more reporters here than usual.

I know. They're just waiting to see what crazy thing I'll do next.

Oh, yeah? You mean like kissing a guy who parks cars?

Daphne, the press want a photo of you and your father.

Thanks. I'll find him.

See you.

Stay away from her, peasant. She's out of your league.

What's the matter, Army?

Thought our little competition ended in lower school.

Are you afraid she might prefer musicians to Cambridge boys?

No. Breeding always wins out in the end.

Is Miss Reynolds enjoying her time in London?

Very much.

Lord Dashwood, how's the campaign going?

Miss Reynolds, tell us about the chandelier incident.

Um... Maybe that's enough.

Thank you, gentlemen, no more now.

Do you think he's terribly rich?

I imagine so.

I hope so. Peach?

Pear? You look...

different.

It's Daphne.

She gave us some styling tips.

Why on earth would you want styling tips from her?

Ooh. Ooh.

PEACH AND PEAR: Mm. Lovely.

TWIN #1: Charming here.

PEACH AND PEAR: Isn't it just? Toodle-loo.

Hm.

The race is that way.

Aren't you supposed to be escorting Clarissa this summer?

What? And leave you to fend for yourself?

Or are you suffering from the romantic delusion that some non-talent commoner will do it for you?

You know, I really wish you'd pull your lip over your head and swallow it.

Despite myself, I find your Yankee vulgarity intensely attractive.

So forget about the car-parking, mixed-race mongrel, and give me that kiss you've been longing to give me since we first met.

You're right.

I have been longing to do this.

Henry, do something!

MAN: You should have hit him!

Don't you ever pucker your lips at me again, you arrogant jerk!

And how dare you insult Ian?!

I mean, he's twice the man you'll ever be!

Come on. Get after them.

Henry. Henry.

REPORTER #1: Out of the way. Get out of the way.

REPORTER #2: Miss Reynolds, what was the argument about?

Give me the keys to your bike! What?

The keys. Quick! Here you go.

What's going on?

DAPHNE: You do know how to drive--

Look out!

Oh, sorry.

[REPORTERS YELLING QUESTIONS]

* In your Charlie Brown shirt And Cavariccis *

* Baby, you come up To my waist *

* You need a barstool To get up in my face *

* We don't care if you think Our party's cool *

* 'Cause we do! *

* And we don't care if you had More fun in Sunday school *

You know, that is without doubt the most indecorous thing I have done in many years.

Well, I have no idea what you're talking about, but I'm glad.

You should do it more often.

I don't even remember the last time I went barefoot.

Don't you just love squidging your toes in the sand?

Did you know it's a natural exfoliant?

Mom always says that if you can walk on a beach, and you got a steady hand with the nail polish, there's no reason to ever pay for a pedicure.

You talk just like her, you know.

As in too much?

Is she happy?

Yeah, I think so.

I mean, I can tell she gets lonely sometimes, but I think she's pretty content with who she is.

I like that about her.

I wish I were more like that.

So, what next?

No! Yes!

No. No, absolutely not.

It's this or that.

[GROANS]

I think we'll do this one.

* Daddy you don't know The half of it *

How you doing?

* I've started something Now I have to finish it *

Henry?

That doesn't sound pleasant.

What do you think? It's just henna.

* I feel good And I feel free *

* On the microphone *

* Somebody stop me Keep my body rockin' *

* Till late night *

* I'm warning you Don't try to block me *

* You can't stop me You're my type *

* I leave the light on... **

Ooh. What's this?

Remember I told you how groovy I used to be?

Yeah.

And I used to like people like this guy.

Oh, look. This stuff is good.

I've been looking for Coo Coo Ow!

Strange, funky sounds.

I remember them. "Doris."

[RICK DERRINGER'S "ROCK AND ROLL, HOOCHIE KOO" PLAYING]

* 'squitas start buzzin' 'bout this time of year *

Woo!

* She's goin' 'round back Said she'd meet me there *

Come on, Henry. I'm not gonna head-bang.

You just bang your head. Don't do that. No.

Nod!

I'm not gonna do that. All right. Let's go.

REPORTER: Oi! Come on!

[REPORTERS YELLING QUESTIONS]

* Light my fuse Light my fuse *

* Rock 'n' Roll Hoochie Koo *

* Rock 'n' Roll, Hoochie Koo *

* Truck on out And spread the news *

* Somebody say Keep on rockin' *

[ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYING]

[MUSIC CUTS OUT]

I was just-- I wanted to see if they still fit.

Well, they seem fine.

Who are you? What have you done with my fiancé?

I want my Henry back.

[MUSIC RESUMES]

REPORTERS: Lord Dashwood. Lord Dashwood.

You've dropped 15 points in the polls this week.

Are you worried? I really can't comment.

If you can't handle your own child, how can you handle the government?

Um...

Frank, good to see you.

Your answer, please?

[REPORTERS OVERLAPPING]

How much time do we have?

Plenty. Your first two clients were no-shows and you got out of your speech at the Children's Education Center.

Tilda, why would we have canceled that speech?

We didn't. They did.

[INDISTINCT CHATTERING]

[MAN CLEARS THROAT]

* Don't play the games That you play *

* 'Cause you know That I won't run away *

* Why ain't you asking me To stay **

Daphne, can I have a word?

This is Brigadier Sir Roderick Dashwood.

He lost an eye at the Battle of the Boyne.

And over here we have Field Marshal Bingley Dashwood.

He lost his arm at the Battle of the Nile.

And Uncle Alfred never spoke about what he lost, but you'd rarely find him sitting.

I lost my tonsils. Does that mean I qualify?

Listen, Daphne. Um...

Part of the burden of being a member of this family is that there are certain codes of behavior that one is expected to observe.

And if one is not seen to conform, then, uh...

Well, then it becomes...

Listen, I've very much enjoyed our time together.

Really and truly. I-- It's just that this--

These are very difficult circumstances, and you, as my daughter, have to, um...

I have to change.

It's okay, I get it.

I'm... I'm a Dashwood too, right?

Yes.

Yes, you are.

What are you looking at? I can do it.

* I ain't no queen of hearts I go through stages *

* I fall in love Then complicate it *

* Yeah, you know the feeling *

* Without much hope Just blind ambition *

* Pretending that There's nothing missing *

* I always kept believing *

* That more I thought if I had more *

* I wouldn't get so bored *

* Oh, no *

* But everything Just left me empty *

* Love walking in And out of my door *

* Wasn't good enough No more *

* When I don't trust myself Life really sucks *

* And the first time *

* I thought it But I didn't do it *

* Last time That's when I really blew it *

* This time I'm gonna do it different *

* 'Cause I know I know, I know *

* If I put Everything I have into it *

* Eventually *

* I'm gonna get What's good for me *

* 'Cause I don't Want to *

* Live my Life wonderin' *

* If only *

* I woulda, I shoulda I coulda *

* But I didn't *

* 'Cause I only blame Myself again *

* Yeah, na, na, na *

* The first time *

* I thought it But I didn't do it *

Hey. Hey.

You're not wearing that to The Strokes concert, are you?

Oh, my God, I totally forgot!

[SIGHS]

Things have been so hectic.

That's okay.

I'll wait for you to get changed.

I can't go. We're going to the queen's garden party.

Yeah, but...

I'm sorry.

Cool.

Just call me when Daphne re-inhabits your body.

[DOOR CLOSES]

[***]

And this is Miss Daphne Reynolds.

Oh, Daphne. Oh.

Nice girl.

I gather Her Majesty's accepted an invitation to Daphne's ball.

She's come a long way, I must say.

You must be very proud of her.

[BARKS]

PRINCESS CHARLOTTE: Oh!

[WHISPERS] No.

This is the tiara that I wore at my own coming-out party.

Clarissa's had her beady eye on it for months.

But I want you to have it.

So royal.

I hope it makes you feel like a princess.

But you know, my dear, it's not the crown that makes the queen.

It's what's in here.

[***]

BOTH: Hello.

BOTH: Ladies.

Well, yes, of course.

Here she comes.


Daphne.

You look...

Different?

* Ooh, ooh, ooh *

* Just the way you look *

* Tonight **

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

Hey.

Hey.

Can we talk for a sec?

It's your party. You can do whatever you want.

Ian. I really didn't--

I don't want to hear about it, Daph.

What happened to the old you?

The real you?

Okay, lads, let's, uh, let's pick up the tempo.

Mom!

Oh, Daphne.

What are you doing here?

Jocelyn thought you might need a pal while you're being fed to the sharks.

Oh, honey, you look so beautiful.

Look at you, Mom!

Are you actually wearing a bra?

Duh.

Come on.

Hello, Henry.

Libby.

Hello, Lucy. I'm Glynnis, Henry's fiancée.

It's Libby, actually. And congratulations.

Well. What a lovely surprise.

I see you've come with no escort.

Henry, you must find somebody divine for Lubby here to dance with.

Libby. Remember?

And why doesn't he just ask her himself?

Uh!

* Oh, baby *

* Thank you for This moment *

* I've gotta say How beautiful you are *

* Of all the hopes and dreams I could have prayed for *

* Here you are *

* If I could have One dance forever *

* I would take you... *

This is fantastic.

Everyone important has accepted their invitation.

This goes to show we've got the election in the bag.

How can you be so calm?

Her Majesty is due any moment and your candidate is on the dance floor with that woman.

Henry knows what's at stake.

Besides, look what he did with Daphne, hm?

Quite an achievement.

I thought I was gonna have to get rid of her, like I had to get rid of her mother, but--

What did you just say?

Nothing.

Did you say you got rid of my mother?

Figure of speech, sweetheart.

So are you the one that made my mother leave?

Shh, shh, Daphne, darling, now is not the time.

Come on now, don't linger!

Hey, but-- Hey, Glynnis! Ow!

How dare he! Come on.

Come on! Glynnis, let go!

Get in here! Glynnis! Let go!

Hey! Get in here!

Glynnis! Glynnis! Glynnis!

* Oh, baby *

* You're all I need *

Remember the ritual dances?

You were so bad, I think they're still blaming you for the locusts.

As I recall, your frock nearly got us arrested.

I had to have you translate my apology.

Which was something of a risk, I always thought.

Don't I know it. For all I knew, you could've been trading me in for a goat.

Camel, actually.

Which never came through, by the way.

I had faith in you, Henry.

Just not enough, hm?

You didn't say goodbye. You just disappeared.

It was what you wanted.

What I wanted?

What I wanted was to be given a chance.

You have had 17 years of chances, Henry, and I've had 17 years of waiting for you to take them.

[MUSIC ENDS AND AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

And now, ladies and gentlemen, the traditional father-daughter dance.

Lord Dashwood?

[***]

Please!

Help!

Where is Daphne?

I'll find her.

Oh, no. Has Daphne gone missing again?

* Red roses too *

Maybe Clarissa can step in.

I'm sure you wouldn't mind, would you, darling?

No. I'm almost your daughter now too.

Ooh!

Well, I'd...

* ...myself What a wonderful world *

Help! Someone! Daphne?

I can't miss my own father-daughter dance!

Honey? Help!

* The dark, sacred night *

* And I think to myself *

* What a wonderful world *

How dare you, Glynnis? How dare you!

Daphne, darling, we don't want a scene, do we?

Take your hand off my daughter or you won't get a scene, you'll get a Broadway musical.

* So pretty in the sky *

* And also on the faces... *

[MUSIC STOPS]

Daphne. What are you doing?

Finally giving you what you deserve.

Go ahead.

I don't want it.

Any of it.

Daphne!

Daphne!

Wait.

No.

I'm done waiting, Henry.

You know, when I was little, every birthday I'd get all dressed up and I'd wish that if I was good enough, you'd come and find me.

And now here I am, in the most beautiful dress I could ever imagine, and you're here.

You know what I miss now? I miss being me.

I finally realized that that is enough.

You know, Daphne...

Maybe we're just... trying to make something work here which... which isn't.

BUTLER: Pray be upstanding for Her Majesty, the queen.

[***]

Go ahead.

Duty calls.

Come on, honey.

* I'm awake Afternoon *

* I fell asleep In the living room *

* It's one of those moments When everything is so clear *

* Before the truth Goes back into hiding *

* I wanna decide 'Cause it's worth deciding *

* To work on finding Something more than this fear *

* Maybe I need to see the daylight *

* Leave behind the half-life *

* Don't you see I'm breaking down *

* Oh, lately, something here Don't feel right *

* This is just a half-life *

* Is there really no escape? *

* No escape from time *

* Of any kind *

* Lately, something here Don't feel right *

* This is just a half-life *

* Without you I am breaking down *

* Oh, wake me *

* I wanna see the daylight *

* Save me from this half-life *

* Let's you and I escape *

* Escape from time **

[REPORTERS QUESTIONING INDISTINCTLY]

Lord Dashwood!

Thank you very much.

What is your priority? The election or your daughter?

I have no comment.

Couldn't you sleep either?

No.

Made a bit of a mess of things, haven't I?

A bit.

Henry, for six centuries this family has been sacrificing bits of itself for England.

Arms, legs, eyes.

The battlefields of Europe are littered with them.

Don't follow in that glorious tradition.

You know what you're going to sacrifice?

Your heart, Henry.

[***]

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

Sir Charles.

Thank you.

Thank you, that's enough.

Thank you.

Thank you.

Well, over the last few weeks, I've certainly received more support and encouragement from the voters of this constituency than I'd ever dared hoped for.

So I'd like to take this opportunity to thank you all for that.

You may have noticed that recently there have been one or two remarks in the press regarding my behavior.

It's been suggested I've not been conducting myself in a manner befitting an MP.

Well, I've been giving my priorities a great deal of thought, and, uh, I've decided that it's time to get them straight.

Which is why I must now respectfully withdraw my candidacy.

[AUDIENCE GASPING]

Representing you would undoubtedly be the greatest honor of my political life.

It would simply be impossible to do so if I'm not serving my own conscience.

See...

I've changed.

And as important as my political aspirations are to me, there is one thing that matters more.

Thank you.

[***]

Are you out of your mind?

I have done everything in my power to get you to this position, and I will not let you throw it all away!

Alistair, you've lied to me, I know you lied to Libby, so forgive me if I don't give a flying fart in space what you think.

Libby? I stopped you from ruining your life!

I saved your family's reputation!

When I found out that that girl was pregnant, I knew I was doing the right thing.

You knew about Daphne?

Of course I knew! It's my job to know!

Grandpa! Are you okay?

Oh, God.

This is horrible. Do shut up!

Henry, darling! Henry!

I know Daddy's been naughty, but what about me?

You'll survive.

[***]

[MUSIC ENDS]

Hey. Table six is screaming for coffee.

What are you doing, anyway?

Sorry, it's my college applications.

Due on Monday.

Okay, I'll cover for you.

Thank you. Good luck.

Ladies and gentlemen, the bride would like to share a dance with her father.

I love you, Dad.

Ready?


What are you doing here?

I just came because I...

I had something very important to say to you, and I hope I can--

Actually, I wrote it all down on the plane about... about 200 times, as you...

Uh...

It was on a-- I had it--

What it comes down to is, um... is that I love you, Daphne.

I love you. I'm-- I'm so sorry.

I wouldn't change you.

I wouldn't change anything about you.

I wouldn't change one hair on your head.

Not for anything--

I love you, Dad. I love you!

* There's a love that's divine *

* And it's yours And it's mine *

* Like the sun *

* And at the end of the day *

Might I, um...

Might I have the honor of this dance?

* Oh, to the one *

* Have I told you lately That I love you? *

* Have I told you There's no one else above you? *

* Fill my heart with gladness *

* And take away my sadness *

* Ease my troubles That's what you do *

Listen, Daphne, um, I, uh...

I just think when you're groveling it's important to bring a very large present.

I don't understand.

May I cut in?

HENRY: Of course.

Hey!

DAPHNE: I tried to call you...

* There is a love That's divine *

* And it's yours And it's mine *

* Like the sun *

* Ooooh *

You never did want me to go, did you?

There never was anyone else, was there?

I'd say I owe you a rather large apology.

You think I've waited 17 years for an apology?

* Have I told you lately That I love you? *

* Have I told you There's no one... *

So I finally got my father-daughter dance.

Of course, it got interrupted when my boyfriend showed up.

And then my parents started making out.

* Ease my troubles That's what you do *

But sometimes things aren't exactly how you always imagined.

They're even better.

* That's what you do **

Oh, just in case you were wondering what happened to Clarissa and Glynnis, don't worry.

They ended up exactly as they should.

[HONK]

Oh!

...the rustication, then it gets smoother...

Big Ben.

So did Alistair.

I can see the smiles on your faces.

For those of you who speak English, it's not the name of a large hamburger at a fast-food restaurant.

This is the closest he ever got to Parliament.

My parents got married again. This time, it was legal.

I think.

[CAMEL GRUNTING]

As for me, I didn't end up at NYU.

Hey!

Hey.

But before you get too disappointed, I did get into Oxford.

What can I say?

Hold on. Yeah.

Like father, like daughter.

It was my own happily ever after.

* Wishin' On a shootin' star *

* But dreams alone Won't get you far *

* Can't deny your feelings Anymore *

* The world is waiting Right outside your door *

* What are you waiting for? *

* Come on Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip Right through your hands *

* Are you ready For the ride of your life? *

* Your dreams are ridin' On the wind *

* Just reach out And pull them in *

* Get ready For the ride of your life *

* The ride of your life *

* In your heart You know what you must do *

* You only got yourself To answer to *

* Don't let fear of falling Hold you down *

* Your spirit's flying High above the clouds *

* You're glory bound *

* Come on Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip Right through your hands *

* Are you ready For the ride of your life? *

* Your dreams are ridin' On the wind *

* Just reach out And pull them in *

* Get ready For the ride of your life *

* You're on your way No looking back *

* There's no future Living in the past *

* You're free at last *

* Yeah, yeah *

* You're free at last *

* Come on Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip Right through your hands *

* Are you ready For the ride of your life? *

* Yeah *

* Your dreams are ridin' On the wind *

* Just reach out And pull them in *

* Get ready For the ride of your life *

* The ride of your life *

* Come on *

* Come on Get ready *

* Yeah, yeah, yeah *

* Your dreams are riding On the wind *

* Just reach out And pull them in *

* Get ready For the ride of your life *

* Come on Here's your chance *

* Don't let it slip Right through your hands *

* Are you ready For the ride of your life? *

* Yeah *

* Your dreams are riding On the wind *

* Just reach out And pull them in *

* Get ready For the ride of your life **