What About Bob? (1991) Script

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful

Good Morning Gil.

I said... Good Morning Gil.

I gotta go to work See Ya.


Wish Me Luck, Gil.


Doctor, it's your wife on the phone Thank you Claire.

Fay, are we sitting down?

My publisher thinks it's gonna happen.

Ya, he thinks Good Morning America is coming up to Lake Winnipesaukee next week to interview me.

It's a tremendous shot in the arm for my book.

Ye... No! It's very unusual..

Well, I think they did visit doctor Ruth's house once but, other than that...

Hold on a second honey.

Yes.

Excuse me doctor, but there is a Dr. Carswell Fensterwald on the phone.

Thank You.

Fay, I have to go, just another colleague on the phone.

Boy they sure do come out of the wood work when you're famous.

Good bye dear.

Carswell!

Leo! Long time no see, huh?

You've got a big book out!

Things are really clickin', huh?

That's the way I planned it!

Listen Leo, I'm quitting my practice for a while, I'm leaving town.

And I have one patient I'd like to refer to you.

Exactly what kind of case is it Carswell? He's not psychotic is he?

No! No... nothing like that!

Listen, his name is Bob Wiley He pays early, he comes on time.

He just needs someone brilliant, Leo.

I know you don't like flattery but, If there's anyone I know who could win the Nobel Prize, it's you.

Well... I suppose I could find an hour for him sometime after Labor Day.

Okay! I'll work him in for an interview.

Say Carswell, how come you're quitting the business?

We're a dying breed Leo, Good Luck!

Free!

Claire, if a Bob Wiley calls, schedule him for a short interview right after I get back from my vacation.

He's already called Dr Marvin, twice, he's your next appointment.

That's persistence.

I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful I feel good, I feel great, I feel wonderful I feel good.

Can I Help you Sir?

Yes, Dr Marvin, Dr Leo Marvin?

Second Elevator, 44th Floor.

Thank You.

Elevator?


Bob... Wiley...

Why don't you sit down, it'll be a few minutes.

Dr Marvin, Bob Wiley.

Thank You.

Thank you for working me in. Hello.

Should I call you Dr Marvin or Leo?

Which ever you like.

Call me Bob.

Is that your family?

Yes.

Oh wait, let me guess, I'm very good at this.

That's Harriet... and then Ronny, Gretchen, and Rita.

Ah wait, wait a second, Cecilia, Dorothy, and this is Kenneth? and Bamby.

This is my son Sigmund, and my wife Fay, and my daughter, Anna, and that's my sister, Lily.

Lily? I was close.

It's a beautiful family.

Thank you.

Have a seat.

Why don't I start?

The simplest way to put it, I have problems.

I worry about diseases, so, I have trouble touching things.

In public places it's almost impossible.

I have a real big problem moving.

Talk about moving.

As long as I'm in my apartment, I'm OK.

But when I go out, I get... weird!

Talk about weird.

Talk about weird.

Well, I get dizzy spells, nausea... cold sweats, hot sweats, fever blisters, difficulty breathing, difficulty swallowing, blurred vision, involuntary trembling, dead hands, numb lips, fingernail sensitivity, pelvis discomfort.

So the real question is, what is the crisis, Bob?

What is that you're truly afraid of?

What if my heart stops beating?

What if... I'm looking for a bathroom, I can't find it... and... my bladder explodes...

Do you ever heard of turrets syndrome?

Involuntary shouting profanity?

It's exceptionably rare...

Shit eating son of a bitch!

Bastard dooshbag, twat, numbnuts, dickhead, bitch!

Why, exactly, are you doing this?

If I fake it, then I don't have it!

You know it's the same with the cardiac arrest.

Are you married?

I'm divorced.

Would you like to talk about that?

There are two types of people in this world.

Those who like Neil Diamond... and those who don't.

My ex-wife loves him.

I see.

So, what you're saying is that even though you are an almost paralyzed, multi-phobic personality that is in a constant state of panic, your wife did not leave you, you left her because she liked Neil Diamond.

Now, you're saying that maybe, maybe I didn't leave her because she likes Neil Diamond, but maybe, she left me?

Yes.

Ow, ow, ow, ow, ow!

Dr Marvin, You can help me.

For the first time in my life, I feel like there's hope.

I feel like I can be somebody.

Bob, there's an old saying, that's the best psychiatrist in the world, is the one right inside of you.

Yeah...

I can help you, yes.

Thank you.

Bob, there is a ground-breaking new book, that has just come out.

Now, not everything in this book, of course, applies to you, but, I'm sure that you can see when you see the title, exactly how it could help.

Baby Steps?

It means setting small reasonable goals for yourself one day at a time.

One tiny step at a time.

Baby steps.

For instance, um... when you leave this office, don't think about everything you have to do in order to get out of the building, just think to what you must do to get out of this room, and when you get to the hall, deal with that hall, and so forth... you see?

Baby steps!

Baby steps.

Oh boy!

Baby steps, baby steps, baby steps through the office, baby steps out the door, it works!

it works!

All I have to do... is take... one little step at a time, and I can do anything!

Baby step throughout the office, Baby step throughout the office.

That should give you a lot to digest while I'm on vacation... v..vacation?

Oh, certainly my secretary told you?

As this afternoon I'm taking my family on vacation until labor day.

That's a month!

What if I need you? What if I need to talk?

Well, my associate, Dr Harmon, would be happy to talk... and Bob, I'll be back.

Just read Baby Steps.

Baby steps, out of the office.

Very good.

Baby steps to the hall.

Very good Bob, keep going.

That's it.

Bye.

I'll see you in a month.

Baby steps to the elevator, Baby steps to the elevator.

July 31st, Bob Wiley, introductory interview, multiphobic personality, characterized by acute separation with anxiety, and extreme need for family connections, bill the usual rates for the interview and $29.95 for the book.

It's your publisher, he's says Good Morning America is definitely coming to Lake Winnipeusaukee.

Yes!

Thank You.

Baby steps onto the elevator, Baby steps into the elevator, I'm in the elevator,

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!

Manhattan exchange.

Yes this is Bob Wiley, I'm a patient of Dr Marvin's, I have to speak with him right away, it's urgent...

I'm sorry Mr Wiley, but Dr Marvin's out of...

My name is Bob and you are?

Betty Betty, hi!

Bob, Dr Marvin's out of town, and Dr Harmon's taking his calls.

I know that Betty, it's just that there's been some confusion, I was supposed to call Dr Marvin, but I've lost his phone number.

Bob, I can't give out that number.

I know that Betty, but you could call him on the other line, and tell him that I'm on hold on the other line, could you please?

Thanks Betty please...

Phone Daddy...

Thank you Anna.

Thank you, sweet heart.

Yes.

Dr Marvin, this is Betty at your exchange, I'm sorry to disturb you but, I have a Bob Wiley on the line who says you'll want to talk to him Betty you know better than that...

Dr Harmon is covering for me I told him that Doctor, but he said he lost your number and then it was urgent.

All right, put him through.

Go ahead Bob.

This is Dr Marvin, what's the problem Bob?

Dr Marvin, how's the weather up there?

What?

How's your brood?

You all getting a chance to relax?

Bob...

I thought I made it clear to you, that I'm on vacation, Well, I know... but I'm just worse than usual this time, really bad.

Bob, if this is really an emergency, go to the emergency room.

And if it isn't, call Dr Harmon, I'm sure he can help you.

Well, I'd just feel so much so much better if I knew where you were.

It's my Martha's Vineyard, right?

Bob.

Well, can't we just talk?

Yes, we can, in my office after Labor Day.

After you're back from Fire Island, huh?

Good bye Bob.

You want to keep Maine all to yourself?

Good Bye, Bob!

Is this a fake hang up?

It's a fake hang up.

I'll get the phone, I'll get the phone.

Hello Doctor, it's Betty again, I have an urgent call from your sister My sister?

Put her through Go ahead.

It's not you, it's me.

Lily? What's wrong?

Dr Marvin, please don't be angry, this is Bob.

I know that I shouldn't be calling...

Bob, the doctor patient relationship is based on trust... when you call me and pretend to be my sister, I can't trust you anymore.

Go to the ER, but please, do not call me here again.

Oh no no no no...

That was not smart!

That was not smart!

Who is it?

Detective Roberts, from homicide, I have some questions about a Bob Wiley.

What?

That was the Bob who kept calling Dr Marvin.

That was that Bob who kept calling.

Unfortunately, Bob committed suicide about 15 minutes ago.

Oh my God!

That's terrible!

Very sad, should never have happened he was a very sweet guy, but he did leave a note, however, he mentioned the name Betty She's Betty.

I'm Betty.

Oh.

So you're Betty.

Oh, Bob called here trying to reach his psychiatrist.

Oh, well where is he?

I'll have to ask him some questions too.

Dr Marvin is on vacation in New Hampshire.

New Hampshire!

I can get him on the phone for you.

Good.

No, don't!

If I really need to, I can have somebody from NHPD to drop by. but, what if I wanted to write him a letter... would you have a mailing address of some kind up there?

Oh, sure!

That's um... PO Box 14 Yes.

Lake Winnipeusaukee Which is spelled?

W.I.N.N.I.P.E.S.A.U.K.E.E.

Thank you very much ladies.

I'm crazy about you.

Especially you Betty.

Hello?

What?

All right.

Thank you for calling Betty.

It was the service.

That patient who called before, had committed suicide.

Oh Leo, how horrible.

Oh well, let's not let it spoil our vacation.

Baby Steps get on the bus..

Baby Steps get on the bus..

Baby Steps...

This is the last bus to Winnipesaukee, Bob.

Yes, I know Wing, thank you.

Baby Steps get on the bus..

Baby Steps...

You think you can do it today, Bob?

What a baby schedule to keep...

Baby Steps in the bus...

Baby Steps in the isle...

Baby Steps in the isle...

Baby Steps...

And sit in the seat.

Hello.

I'm Bob, Would you knock me out please? Just a hit in the face...

Do we have enough to feed the entire film crew here?

Honey, we have enough to feed the entire network.

Oh Great! Another vacation that is not a vacation...

Why do I have to dress up for this stupid show?

What do you mean, you've already tried on everything you own!

I have not!

All right! All right! Gosh!

It's probably going to be a short interview anyway, just me and the family my book.

Easy fellow, we're almost there.

False alarm.


Dr Marvin!

Dr Leo Marvin!

Doctor Marvin!

Thank You.

Bye Doctor. Thanks Again

Isn't someone calling you?

Right over there! Dr Leo Marvin!

Oh my God!

Doctor Leo Leo, do you know that man?

Get in the car!

Come on! Hurry!

Hurry, Hurry!

Doctor Marvin!

Ohhhhh! I really appreciate this!

Everyone in the car! Come on!

Doctor Marvin!

This is a bad time?

The 'fam'.

Who's that? I don't know...

What are you doing here?

I thought you were dead!

Oh no, they told you...

Well, I fibbed a little bit... but don't be mad...

Bob, your behavior is completely inappropriate, You're angry...

No, No, I don't get angry...

Well, you're upset...

I don't get upset!

Well then let's have a little talk...

Bob, I do not see patients on vacation, ever!

How many ways can I make that clear?

Now, what I would like you to do is to get on this bus, and go back to New York.

I can't, I'm totally paralyzed!

I'm all locked up!

You got yourself here!

Barely...

Well, getting back will be therapeutic.

But can't we just have a little talk?

Bob! You are testing my patience!

Come on! I come so far!

I'm Baby Stepping... I'm doing the work!

I'm baby stepping... I'm not a slacker!

Check it out! I'm in really bad shape!

Come on please! Please!

Gimme, Gimme, Gimme, I need, I need, I need!

All right! All right!

All right, it's 2 o'clock go to the bus station, buy yourself a ticket home and then wait for me in that coffee shop.

You'll meet me?

I'll call you!

In 2 hours.

Oh my God! You're the greatest!

That's all right! You have to promise me that you will buy your ticket and go home!

Absolutely!

I'm gonna do it right now.

All right, I'll call you at 4 o'clock.

You couldn't possibly make it 3:30, could you?

Bob!

4! 4 okay!

Exactly 4 o'clock! It's better. Okay Thank you Dr M.!

Baby Step to 4 o'clock...

Baby Step to 4 o'clock...

Baby Step to 4 o'clock...

Baby Step to 4 o'clock...

Baby Step to 4 o'clock...

Oh my Gosh!

I need a bowl!

A what? he... a bowl... he's been locked in for about 8 hours! he's about to scream. he's furious.

Sorry Gil, a little negligence on my part, here you go, come on, hang tight fella.

Geronimo!

It was a long ride wasn't it? I know, you need stretch...

Hey No! No! No!

I'm expecting a phone call!

Thank You.

Thanks a lot! Thanks everybody, I really appreciate it!

Also, If I... loose consciousness or black out or something explodes, would you tell Dr Marvin when he calls that I was here...

Doctor Leo Marvin?

Do you know him?

Yeah!

He bought our dream house!

We worked a lifetime to save for down payment He swoop down with his bag full of money, and grabbed it out from under us.

Son of a bitch!

She never says that.

Stay as far away from him as possible!

Well, that will be easy!

He won't see me, that's why I'm waiting for the phone call.

He won't see you?

Well, We'll show you where he lives!

You will?

The son of a bitch!

She never says that!

Siggy, I have the whole house to fix, all the art to hang, I have no idea what I'm going to wear on the TV show, but I've stopped everything in order to teach you how to dive.

It's as important for me to see you dive... as it is for me to appear on Good Morning America.

Oh man! This is really pressure.

Come on, take off your robe.

Why are you always wearing black?

What is it with you and this death fixation?

Maybe I'm morning from my lost childhood.

Come on, come on... turn around!

Close to the edge, that's it! Remember what we learned last year.

One, two, three, spring.

Now bend up the knees, bend your waist, hands out, step on the board.

One, Two, Three...

Spring!

One Two Three Spring

Spring Summer, fall, time to go dad!

I don't understand... why won't you dive?

From all the horror in this world, what difference does it make?

Hi Lily! I'm just calling to remind you about Leo's surprise party.

Thursday night 7 o'clock. ok?

Well, it'll be after his interview so he should be relaxed, oh, wait a minute.

Oh Yes! Of course I'm thrilled Lily, the last person they interviewed on vacation was Dr. Ruth.

Here he comes, Thursday night 7 o'clock, don't forget OK? Bye bye

He didn't dive?

No...

Come on sweetheart, he's just a little bit afraid of it!

Have patience...

No, it's not like I'm making him jump out of an airplane... when I was growing up, I thought diving was fun!

I thought you were born grown up daddy!

Yes, I'd like the number to the Guttman's coffee...

What are you doing here?

I'm sorry, don't be mad, the Guttmans brought me Thank you Mr and Mrs G.!

You're welcome Bobby!

Hello Doctor Marvin!

The house looks good!

Burn in hell Dr Marvin!

Bob, we agreed that I would call you!

Your coming here is unbelievably inappropriate!

Dad, can I...

Oh, I'm sorry Hi! You're Anna, aren't you?

I saw your picture, I'm Bob!

Hi Bob!

Nice to meet you, Bob!

Hi! I'm Bob!

I'm Fay.

Oh, Mrs M... you are even... prettier than your picture... and younger!

Thank you!

Fay, Anna, would you please excuse us?

I think Bob and I have something to talk about.

Really?

You think so too?

Let's take a walk!

Bob, could I take your fish? Oh yes, thank you!

It's all right... otherwise.

This is a great place!

No wonder the Guttmans want it!

I'm sorry about barging in here like this.

That's all right! I understand.

The problems don't go away just because I do.

Bob, I'd like you to... take a long look around you... what does everything you see here have in common?

Vacation, Bob!

Vacation.

Now, I can't Bob, at this time, give you the kind of therapeutic attention you need to solve all your problems and you know why... you're on vacation!

Exactly!

What I can do, is, this.

Don't give me pills... I already have pills.

This is not pills!

Read it!

It says, take a vacation... from my problems.

I'm giving you permission to take a vacation, Bob.

Not a vacation from your work, not a vacation from daily life, but a vacation from my problems.

Exactly!

I want you to get on that bus and go back to New York.

But!

Every single time a problem arises, I want you to take that prescription out and follow it to the letter, Doctor's orders.

I'll see you in New York, in my office in one month!

This is incredible!

This is astounding.

For the first time since Esalen, I feel free!

You've given me a great gift, Doctor!

The gift of life!

You're a great man!

I knew coming up here was the right thing to do...

It feels right because you're here and it feels right because you're leaving.

Have a great vacation! You too, Bob!

The vacation from my problems!

You bet I will!

Here you go!

Baby Steps.

Is everything all right honey?

Yes, everything is perfectly fine. he seemed pleasant enough.

When he's controlled.

I got so excited I forgot to bring you with me!

Gil...

Oh! The Fish!

That's a very nice likeness of you.

Thank you very much. of everyone, actually.

Bye Bob!

Bye bye Bob!

Bye bye... so long!

You've gotta be Sigmund?

Yes, this is Sigmund and and this is Bob and Bob was just leaving.

Hi!

Oh, this is Gil, my fish... Sigmund.

Did you get him out of the lake?

No, city fish.

Cool.

Be he's loven it up here!

Your father is the most incredible psychiatrist, I certainly hope you appreciate him.

Have a great vacation family!

Me too.

Good bye, Bob!

Bye Bob!

Bye!

Well, he's different. uh huh... neat fish.

I think I do look younger than that picture.

Or...

This.

I told you, I like the rifle, I think it's a symbol of virility.

Now can I eat breakfast, I'm supposed to go sailing on George's boat.

Wait, wait, wait!

Fay, I need your opinion, rifle or bust?

I think both looks are wonderful, sweetie!

Fay!

You know I can't live with that kind of answer!

I need feedback!

Good morning Doctor Marvin!

No, these aren't for you! They're for Fay!

For yesterday, for your hospitality to Gil and me. I didn't say thank you.

I thought about what you said!

Take a vacation from my problems, and I did!

But you're back!

No I'm not!

You're not?

No I'm not!

I'm on vacation!

This isn't an appointment, I'm dropping by!

This is my first time over the lake!

This is my first time... anywhere!

I'm anxious because I haven't figured out how to get food yet, but I'm staying at the Guttman's When I told them what you said, they insisted.

No no no no no!

I know we can't work. But let's get the friendship going.

See you later!

Sure seems like he's staying, doesn't it?

Hey, paper boy, this was on the porch.

Thank you.

Family conference!

Family conference!

All right, now, I don't want any of you letting Bob into this house.

Why?

Why?

Sweetheart, aren't you over-reacting just a little bit?

Good, glad we're all in agreement, family conference is over.

The vacation from my problems There is nobody here.

There's nothing to fear.

Nobody here.

I'm completely alone.

I'm all by myself.

There's nobody here!

Hi Bob!

Hi! Where are you going?

Just going to town.

Buy some Kleenex. Well, you want a ride?

I'd love one.

Do a lot of people use this car?

Just us.

So, what's it like being the daughter of a brilliant analyst... who's sleeping in the next bedroom at night when you need him, is it great?

No... it's not great.

I have problems, the same as anyone else.

The same as you.

You're afraid your bladder will explode?

What other ones are the same? Like what? Like what?

Well, like analyzing everything... to death, to see if what I'm feeling is normal.

Yes, I have that.

Do you freeze up and, turn into wood when you're around a good looking guy and you don't even know if he likes you or not?

Well, not a guy, but yes, I freeze.

You know, I treat people, as if they were telephones, if I meet somebody that I don't think likes me, I say to myself, Bob, this one's just temporarily out of order.

Don't break the connection, just hang up and try again!

Does it work?

It seems to be!

I'm on vacation at lake Winnipesaukee!

Aren't I?

Do you want to come sailing with me on my friend George's boat? ohhh no...

That's ok, you don't have to.

No, I'd love to!

It sounds great!

I've never been on a boat, and I don't think I can handle it!

It just make my lips numb to think about it.

But, if your friend is a good sailor, and the craft to sea worthy...

Yes, I would go sailing... yeah, let's go sailing!

I have no ther plans.

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

I'm sailing!

This is child abuse!

If you drop me, I'll prosecute!

I'm not gonna let go until you're ready OK?

Trust me!

Put your hands up like I showed you.

I'm not ready. You hear me? I'm not ready! Don't drop me! I'm not ready!

Dr Marvin! I'm sailing!

How about that doc? Oh, Siggy...

How about it?

Murderer!

Killer!

Hi dad! I sail!

Anna?!

Anna! Come here please!

Dad! Anna, I'd like to speak to you please.

Dr Marvin, Dr Marvin, guess what!

Ahoy! I sail!

I'm a sailor! I sail!

I'd like to talk to my daughter alone! but isn't this a break through?

That I'm a sailor?

I sail?

I sail now?

Keep sailing Bob!

On a boat on the lake. Way far away from the dock.

Into the wind, with the sky and everything.

Ahoy!?

I thought I told you to stay away from Bob Wiley!

Daddy, I was with my friends!

Where are we going? Home!

What about the car? Leave it... it's been a long time since I've had a talk with my daughter.

Oh daddy! Not here!

Anna, Anna, Anna!

Anna...

I know you won't listen to your father, but you always listen to me.

So I'm asking you not to see Bob Wiley.

Daddy, I am just... I can't hear you!

Where are you Anna?

I'm just having fun with my friends! And Bob Wiley.

Yes and Bob Wiley!

Bob Wiley is your father's patient.

Bob Wiley is a very sensitive person! Your father's sensitive?

Bob listens to people! You father listens to people!

Except when he's up here in Lake Winnipesaukee.

He is FUN!

You father's... kinda fun.

I'm Fay Marvin.

Doctor Marvin's wife.

And I'm very happy to be on your program.

And these are our children, Anna and Siggy.

I'm a failure.

What?

Going on national television tomorrow as an expert in human behavior, and in the space of the last hour, both of my children have told me that they hate me.

Come on, you know they don't mean it.

Anna accused me of being insensitive.

No... no... what she actually said was, I was insensitive, and I didn't listen, and I wasn't any fun, and that Bob Wiley was...

Give me...

Some time...

To blow the man down...

Notice anything different about me?

No. Do you sail?

No Well, I just picked that up.

Wonder what I'm going to pick up next?

Try diving. All right, Diving.

I know a great teacher.

My dad, he just dropped me in the water, without warning me first.

I mean, I nearly drowned. My whole life flashed before my eyes.

Well, you're lucky you're only 12!

It's still grim.

I mean what's with him and diving?

What's the big deal?

Well... he...

Woh...

He probably just want you to beat it, that's all.

He probably just want you to dive, because you're afraid of diving.

Didn't I tell you? I sailed on my first try.

I just let the boat do the work, that was my secret.

But, with diving, what's the thing?

What's the trick? I don't know It's supposed to be easy.

Well, can you give me a handle on it?

Thanks.

Careful, oh careful! Let's go to the edge.

Go to the Edge!

Come on toes off, close to the edge.

Don't worry.

Come on! Let's call this the edge, right here, this is the edge.

Ok, step out this edge.

Now walk up to our edge.

Okay Bend your knees. Very good.

Bend your knees.

Stiff as a board. I am stiff as a board.

Lean forward.

Just a second, don't rush it.

Just a second, this is my first dive.

Lean... lean Wait, I can't see what you're doing, will you get in front?

Alright, careful, hold it, hold it, wait!

Come up, come up Now hold my shirt, I'll show you what you're supposed to do...

I got it.

Okay, and bend my knees.

Bend your knees.

Arms out... straight...

Stiff as a board.

Honey, come here, look.

Come here.

I don't want to have to see this! No please!

One Please No!

Two Don't do it! Please!

Three

Yes!

Yeah!

Yeah!

Bravo!

Very nice, Bob, thank you! Thank you!

I'll take it from here!

You know, that's wonderful!

Did you see me dive dad?

Did you see me dive?

I dove!

Thank you, Excellent!

Watch this! I can do it again!

I'll take it from here!

Did you see that? Here, I'm gonna do it again!

Very nice...

Oh my God! Bob!

Kick your feet, Bob!

What are you staring at?

I had every right to buy this house!

Am I gonna die?

Am I gonna die? No!

Fay...

Look everybody, I'm not wrong often but when I am, I admit it.

I mean it.

I would like you all to accept my apology.

But what about Bob? What about Bob?

Yeah, dad, don't you think you should apologies to Bob?

I will not apologies to Bob.

Why not?

All right.

I'll apologies to Bob.

And now I'd like him to go.

Leo, why are you so hostile to the poor man?

Because he's a patient!

Fay, don't you get it, he's a patient!

A patient! A patient!

Mom, can we have Bob over for dinner? Dinner?

Yeah!

I don't want Bob for dinner Fay.

Leo, it's for the kids.

I don't want Bob for dinner. Fay!

I want to think about my interview tomorrow!

I'm sorry Leo.

Right is right.


Fay, this is so scrumptious.

Is this hand shucked?

Would you like some more chicken Bob?

Leo, do you want the breast? No no no, that's fine, eat up!

Hmm... great biscuits huh Bob?

Yeah, great biscuits, great corn, great potatoes.

You want some more salad, Bob?

Ya, I think I do.

Pile it high and deep, will you please?

Could you get that tomato off there please?

Sure.

Thank you.

This is delicious!

Will you stop that please!

Leo, I see salt and pepper, is there a salt substitute?

I'll get it!

And don't call me Leo.

But you said in your office that I could call you Leo.

That was in my office.

In my home, I'd like you to call me Dr Marvin.

He's just a little bit nervous about his interview tomorrow.

Oh yeah! I heard about your upcoming debut!

Congratulations Le... Dr Marvin!

Your book is gonna do a lot of good to a lot of people!

And I'm a walking proof of that!

Is this butter or margarine? Butter.

Dad?

Dad, are you okay?

Dad? Honey?

Don't panic, I know what to do!

Don't worry, I got him.

He's dying!

I'm doing the right thing!

He's turning blue!

There's one other thing I can do.

Honey, I love you! Breath!!

Harder! Maybe with your knee more!

Hit him harder! Jump higher!

Spit it up! He's still blue!

Spit again! Breath!

Leo are you ok? Get him off me!

Bob you saved him!

That was incredible!

I just never gave up hope!

We're singing in the rain... just singing in the rain... what a glorious day, I'm happy again...

I walk through the kitchen... with the bowl for the chicken... and I put in Leo, I mean Dr Marvin's refrigerator...

Thank you.

I'm singing in the rain...

I don't like being a party poop but tomorrow is very important better call it a night.

I don't want to be rude, but maybe it's time for Bob to sing his way home!

Honey, he can't walk in this!

Did I say that? I'll drive him!

Oh dad! The car is still at the marina.

What?

You said to leave it, remember?

Well... rain's gotta let up soon. He can go home then.

Well, what if it starts up again?

He can borrow my slicker!

Leo... Shhht Leo... Shhh... I think it's letting up.

Leo, honey, it's 1 o'clock in the morning... we can't just make that poor fellow just sit here all night!

Let just let him stay over... Fay!

Good Morning America will be here at 7 o'clock!

You don't want them to find a severely disturbed patient sleeping on one of my coaches when they get here!

There's an extra bed in Siggy's room.

Fay!! Leo, you were very upset over Anna and Siggy...

Now, here's your chance to show them what kind of guy Leo Marvin really is...

Come on sweetie. Come on.

Bob, we'd love for you to spend the night.

That's a great idea!

Do you have a Dacron pillow?

Sure, sure! Anna would you get a pillow and some sheets for Bob?

Sure!

Siggy, would you get one of you father's robes for Bob?

Yeah!

Are you sure I'm not imposing?

Oh no! Not at all!

okay...

Do you care which bed?

Well, I prefer facing south-east.

This one.

Did you find a tooth brush?

Yes.

Fay, you know where my new tooth brush is?

Should be in the bathroom.

I know it should be in the bathroom but it is not in the bathroom!

Leo, honey, just because you're going on television tomorrow this doesn't give you any right to be so snippy!

It is not that that's making me snippy!

It's him! Him who?

Bob?

Yes, Bob!

Who else am I talking about?

Quiet, he'll hear you! So what if he hears me! It's my house isn't it?

Don't you get it? He faked suicide!

Isn't that a cry for help?

What is the matter with all of you?

Don't you understand? This man is crazy!

I mean, for all we know, the guy could be a... a mass murderer!

Oh come on, Leo!

He's a sweet guy!

He's perfectly harmless! Maybe a little neurotic, but not crazy.

Don't you realize, that everything he's done, violates the doctor/patient relationship?

And now he's in there, with our son!

Bob?

Yeah?

Are you afraid of death?

Yeah...

Me too...

There's no way out of it...

You're going to die..

I'm going to die...

It's going to happen.

What difference does it make if it's tomorrow or 80 years...

Much sooner in your case.

Do you know how fast time goes?

I was 6 like yesterday...

Me too...

I'm going to die!

You... are going to die.

What else is there to be afraid of?

Well, not diving anymore... huh?

But... turrets syndrome.

What's turrets syndrome?

What's turrets syndrome?

Oh, I'm very proud of Baby Steps very encouraged by its success.

I think the greatest challenge to me, aside from writing, was inviting...

Shit for brains!

Butt head!

Dingleberry butt! snot face! vulture vomit!

Turkey tits! belch breath!

Open this door!

Sigmund! Sigmund, open this door immediately!

I'm sorry dad.

Sorry.

What is going on around here? turrets, dad. turrets.

I'm sorry Da... Leo... Dr Marvin.

I don't want to hear another peep out of this room!

People are trying to sleep around here!

Honey, it's just kids being kids.

Well tomorrow is the most important day of my career!

We're sorry, we'll stop.

We just got carried away. It'll never happened again.

I want you out of here by 6:30 do you understand me?

The camera crew is coming at 7, I want you out by 6:30!

Sure, would you like something for sleep?

What?

I have Valium if you need it.

No! I don't need any Valium!

Halcium, Seconol?

I want some peace and quiet!

I'll be quiet.

I'll be peace.

Come on Bob.

Come on, here we go.

We've just got to get your father through Good Morning America tomorrow.

Bob gave you great thing to be afraid of instead of death.

That's nice sweetie.

That's very nice Bob.

Good night fellows. Mrs M?

Could you leave the door open just a creak? Oki Doki.


6 o'clock Bob, time to wake up, come on... let's go!

Come on Bob! Get Up! Bob!

Come on Bob!

Bob, rising shine! Come on!

BOB! COME ON BOB! GET UP!

BOB!

BOB!

BOB!

BOB! GET UP!

COME ON! IT'S 6 O'CLOCK! RISING SHINE RISING SHINE!

Anna go get the car right now! come on Bob! Come on! Bob.

BOB!

BOB!

Cock-a-doodle-doo!

Bob! Bob!

DOH!

Hi.

Honey, relax!

Baby stepping down the stairs.

Baby stepping down the stairs.

Success, this is a beautiful morning or what?

Get Out!

I had the most incredible dream last night! Leave!

Good Bye Mrs M. See you later! Bye bye Bob!

Bye Anna!

Bye Bob!

Good bye rat dick suck nut!

Bye dog pissing barf... Later, testicle head bosom beaver...

Good Morning America's here!

Everybody, let's go...

Hi! I'm Marie Grady.

Lifestyle reporter with Good Morning America.

I'm a big fan, I watch your stuff all the time!

I hope we're not too early? No! Not at All!

I'm Howy Catrell the director. And this is our producer Lenny Burns.

Hi, nice to meet you.

Well, may we come in? Ya! Oh sure! Absolutely.

This is our... home, I was thinking of something by the fire?

It's fireplace shot fellows!

This is even nicer than the pictures.

Thank you.

Is this your family?

Yes, yes it is.

Oh! Excuse me, I'm sorry, this is my wife Fay. Hi.

Oh! Sorry...

And this is my daughter Anna. Hi.

And my son... hmm Siggy? Siggy!

Oh! Hi! I'm Mary.

Hello Mary, I'm Bob.

Yes, that was Bob, He's a patient. He lives down the road.

Dr Marvin, what a great idea!

A Baby Step grand action!

What? Howy, Dr Marvin's gonna have a patient on with him.

Fine, Lenny let's not shoot this fireplace. Let's set up over here and shoot.

Oh! Wait a minute!

No problem Dr Marvin... we can still use the fireplace.

You on one side and Bob on the other.

I don't think it's such a good idea to have a patient on with me.

It is! It is?

Yeah! It's a great idea!

What better way to show the effectiveness of your book, than have a patient on with you!

I think it's a fireplace shot.

Can I speak to you outside for just one second?

Thank you so much.

I worked very hard to get where I am, you understand me?

Screwing alone, yes. I don't want you on the show with me, do you understand?

I think I do. I'll make up some excuse.

Dr Marvin, Bob can we have you for a minute in please?

I can't, Dr Marvin doesn't want...

No! Get in there! They're waiting for us!

Right this way.

In...

Three Two One We're back and we're going now to lifestyle reporter Marie Grady... in Lake Winnipesaukee, New Hampshire And Marie, what is so special about Lake Winnipesaukee?

Well Joan, among other things, it's the summer home of Dr Leo Marvin.

Author of the newest sensation in therapy in Baby Steps.

And with Dr Marvin is Bob Wiley who is a patient and obviously a big fan of Baby Steps Therapy.

Good Morning Dr Marvin, Bob.

Good Morning Good Morning Now clearly, to come on national television live with a patient, shows a remarkable amount of confidence in your methods.

False alarm... sorry.

Okay?

Good.

Now, Dr Marvin.

Exactly how does Baby Steps work on someone like Bob?

Well Joan, I'm very proud of Baby Steps, and enormously gratified by its success, I think the greatest challenge aside for the writing, is finding ways to make the ideas within it accessible to laymen as well as my colleagues.

Hum, Bob, Tell us your impressions of Baby Steps.

Mashed potatoes and gravy, Marie. I couldn't be happier about Baby Steps.

I was a total disaster and now, because of this man this morning I'm on TV in front of millions and millions of people I don't even think Dr Marvin know what the heck's going on, he can't believe what's going on.

I'm very excited!

You know it sounds like a very intriguing process.

How long have you been a patient of Dr Marvin's?

3 or 4 days.

3 or 4 days?

Book is not really meant to work that quickly... it only worked that quickly with Boob.

Boob?

Bob.

You can call me Boob.

No, I don't want to call you Boob.

Even if you do it as an accident, it's OK.

No! I really don't want to call him Boob, the book isn't meant to work that quick.

But it did work that way. That's the miracle... of... of Baby Steps.

It's not just this book.

It's this man.

It's the compassion.

It's the dignity, it's the wisdom.

It's the horse sense, of the guy.

That gets you! And has turned me...

He actually had me stay here last night in his jammies.

Using his tooth brush.

In his house.

And, I spent the day swimming, and sailing with his family.

Fay and Anna and Siggy, come here! Oh, Fay... I'm ahh... can they?

Here is the fam'. The Marvins.

This is Fay and Anna and Siggy. whom I went diving with yesterday. and Doctor Marvin accidently pushed me in, You have a very nice family, Thank you. Thank you.

Thank you for coming. Thank you.

Thank you for coming. Thanks you.

Marie, you're wise, what do I say to someone who has turned my whole life around who has given up so much of their time and vacation to make me better?

What I'd really like to do is put the greatness of this man in perspective.

I think there's really only 3 names Dr Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa of Calcutta probably, and Leo Marvin.

The book is Baby Steps, the author is Dr Leo Marvin, and we've been talking with Bob Wiley Pretty impressive stuff Bob!

Dr Marvin.

Back to you Joan.

Way to go Bobby!

That was wonderful Bob!

Thank you very much Marie.

We can come back in a few month and talk about your problems?

As long as it's ok with my doctor?

What? Oh!

Absolutely!

That's a very good idea!

OK Great!

Come on dad! We're taking a picture!

Come on! Come on Dr Marvin!

Come on! No...

You go ahead...

How long do you stay? Just till labor day and then we all go back to New York City.

OK... Big smiles everybody!

Cheeeeeeeeeeese!

OK, bye bye.

Good Bye Mary.

Bye bye.

That was nice talking to you!

They're so nice!

You were great Bob! You really were!

You were incredible! I mean dad shocked, you saved him!

Here's the one who made it happen.

Oh Sweetie! Dr Leo Marvin!

Get Out...

No we won't get out! We won't... you deserve it!

I mean, GET OUT!

GET OUT!!

Is it something I said?

You've ruined my life!

You've ruined my career!

You've ruined my book!

You've turned a perfectly peaceful house into an insane asylum!

Get out!!

Daddy! My God, Leo, what's gotten into you?

It was a disaster, Fay!

No it wasn't, you were wonderful, sweetie!

You were fine dad!

Why'd you need to kick Bob out of the house?

You think he's gone?

He's not gone! That's the all point!

He's never gone!!

Is this some radical new therapy?

YOU SEE??

We can't be expected to understand him, he's so far above us!

We're like ropes on a Goodyear blimp.

Are you all right?

I want to apologize to you for that terrible outburst I'm truly sorry. call it a case of show-business nerves.

Oh, we can all certainly understand that!

A lot of people freeze on TV, dad!

Thank you.

Bob... how would you feel about you and me having a little talk?

Just me and you?

I think I'd like to spend a little time with you, pay you back, for all the time you spent with me.

What do you say? Feel like going for a little ride?

Do I?

This is so sweet! It's really nice dad!

Look how happy he is!

Try to be home by 7.

Where we're going?

Intensive psychotherapy.

Wow!

Okay!

Some free association from my infancy...

A beach ball A dog A frog A log poodle A noodle A doodle

Dr Marvin to see Dr Tomsky.

Dr Leo Marvin.

Main building, Doctor, they're expecting you.

Hey, you're Bob Wiley aren't you?

Yeah! I saw you on TV, you were great!

Hah!

Hello Leo! Long time no see!

Sorry, I missed your show this morning.

Well, is the friend you called about?

Bob Wiley! I'd like you to meet your new pal, Dr Tomsky.

Hello Bob.

New Pal? What's wrong with my old pal?

Would you show Mr Wiley to his room please?

Oh no, wait a second doctor, doctor!

You're coming with, aren't you?

Fellows, I have convulsions, my bladder is feeling funny!

Really appreciating you helping me on this, Catherine.

I can only hold him for 24 hours Leo, without staff corroboration.

I'm not worried about that in the least! I'm sure your entire staff will corroborate!

Thank you, Thank you very much Catherine.

You're welcome! Thank you.

Ahh, you see Bob, I will not be defeated!

I will negotiate and I will compromise... but defeat?

Cigarette Bob?

Oh! Sorry!

I didn't realize you were in a straight jacket!


Honey, Catherine Tomsky's on the phone.

Hello?

What?

No!

No!!

Son of a bitch! Where's Bob?

Son of a bitch!

Honey! Where's Bob?

What about Bob?

What about Bob?

WHAT ABOUT BOB?

Is it male of female? It's a female! What, do you think I'm weird or something?

But, it reminds me of my favorite poem, which is...

Roses are red, Violets are blue, I'm a schizophrenic, and so am I.

So, the psychiatrist has a patient...

It's not the joke yet! Wait a second...

He draws a picture of a tree, what do you think of that one?

"sex", he draws a picture of a car, a house, sex, sex the doctor says, you're obsessed with sex!

And the patient says, well, you're the one drawing all the dirty pictures!

I'm giving you back your admitting form, Leo, to save you an embarrassment.

EMBARRASSMENT? Yeah!

Catherine! You have been duped, by a textbook narcissist.

A brilliant sociopath...

Brilliant enough to dupe my entire staff?

I doubt that!

Now, it's perfectly natural for a patient to bond with his analyst!

If you want to be rid of him, just tell him you won't treat him anymore!

Catherine, that's easy for you to say!

The man is human crazy-glue!

No, you should have never have let him sleep in your pajamas, Leo!

I can't believe I'm hearing this!

Relax Leo!

I'm relaxed!!

Take a vacation!

I'm on vacation!!

Maybe you should check in here for a few days...

Get a handle on things.

It was an interesting morning, fruitful, but it lacks the intensity that you and I generate together.

The sparks that we get one on one?

We just got to figure out a way to work around your schedule, do we work afternoons?

2 to 4?

3 to 5?

Monday, Wednesday, Friday, Saturday and Sunday?

Are you saying you'd rather work mornings?

Get out of the car!

It's a combustible relationship isn't it?

Is it just you and me? Or is it you and everybody?

What is this, isolation therapy?

Ahoy!

Excuse me officer...

Can you make sure he's home by 7?

Hey! Didn't I see that guy on TV?


Oh Damn! Son of a Bitch!

I'm Home!

Fay?

We're all here sweetie!

SURPRISE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAR MARVIN!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU!


Dad, what happened?

Dad?

Honey, you're a mess! Are you all right?

Oh yeah yeah... I just... had a little car trouble.

Ohhh on your birthday...

Happy birthday Leo!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY LEO!

Speech!

Sweetie, we have a great big surprise for you!

You sister Lily is here from Chicago!

Happy birthday Leo!

Lily!!

We're all here for you Dr M. This is your night!

DON'T TOUCH MY SISTER!

I've never seen him like this, Phil...

He's been under a lot of stress, Fay, his book, his interview, which frankly, didn't go so well...

And his birthday... Exactly...

It's a lot to bite off all at once.

Sedative's probably taking effect, he should be sleeping now.

Phil, do you think Leo was surprised?

Oh I think so!

How is he? I'm leaving a prescription for PROZAC.

Excuse me Phil, but with these particular symptoms, is PROZAC the right choice?

You think PROZAC is a mistake?

This kind of manic episode, I would think that Librium might be a more effective management tool.

You could be right, I'll rewrite the prescription.

Bob, why do you think Leo attacked you like that?

I don't know! He's been tense today, But don't worry, no matter how long it takes, I'm gonna stay on and help out the family. I'll just be the daddy!

You are such a good friend! Leo is lucky to have you!

Lilly honey, Thank you, sweetie! Oh, no problem! I'll be all right, bye.

It's been a real pleasure!

Keep me posted!

Okay!

Bye Lily! Good Bye Bye Lily! Bye, Bob.

It's so hard Bob, but...

We're not defending Leo's recent behavior in any way, so... please don't take this personally.

Oh no...

But we've been thinking that... however irrational the reasons, Leo is so upset with you right now that, We just think it would be best if you're not here when he wakes up.

Please, it's not the way I want it!

Me either.

Or me.

You want me to go?

I'm sorry.

Really?

Good Bye.

Green puking piss ant!

Later!

Barf breath douche mouth!

Good bye Bob! Bye Anna!

Take care of yourself! Okay, and you take care of Leo!

Just temporarily disconnected, that's all!

You know, I've got to tell you!

I've got the greatest vacation with you all!

Y'all! I am country now.


No! Too messy!

No! Not painful enough!

Yes!

He's not at the dock!

He's not downstairs!

Let's get in the car! Come on!

Maybe he went for a walk!

Maybe some mass-murderer got him. Nobody sees him coming and then "SNAP!"


Hello?

Oh Gosh!

Doctor Marvin!

Doctor!

Doctor Leo Marvin!

Dr Marvin!

Dr Marvin!!

Hello Bob!

What are you doing with a riffle?

Get back! Get back!

What are you doing? Quick! quick!

Stand there!

Dad! Where are you?

There goes the fam'. be very quiet!

And do exactly as I say!

Turn around! and move What are we up to? Death therapy Bob!

It's a guaranteed cure. Wow!

Should I put my hands up?

Yes that's good! do that!

Err, which way? To the left!

To the left, yes!

It's so right that you and I have come together, isn't it right Dr Marvin?

I know it was meant to be!

You think so Bob? Yes!

Because it's time!

And I'm ready!

With Dr Carswell Fensterwald, I wasn't ready...

With Dr Rosingay and Tcheski, there wasn't time.

I was certainly wasn't ready for Malestine or Miller or Hill.

But with you! Finally, I'm ready!

The only significant difference between those other guys and me Bob?

Is that I'm gonna kill ya!

But if you shoot me, then our therapy will be over!

I'm not gonna shoot you Bob! I don't think I can shoot anybody!

I am going to blow you up!

This is called black powder, Bob!

One teaspoon of this stuff, can blow up a tree stump.

There you go!

How much is this?

20 pounds worth!

You understand, don't you?

There's no other solution!

You won't go away!

I will! No you won't!

You're just saying you will, but then...

After I don't kill you, you'll show up again.

And you'll do something else to make everyone in my life think you are wonderful and I'm a schmuck But I'm not a schmuck, Bob!

And I'm not going to let you breeze into town and take my family away from me just because you're crazy enough to be fun!

You'll take care of Gil for me?

Yeah, don't worry! I'll feed him til he's big and fat!

And then I'll eat him Bob!

You sure are convincing, Dr M.!

This is tricky!

What? Oh! It's terrible news, Fay!

Well he tried to commit suicide once before... maybe we should have seen it coming.

More fish anyone?

I'm all tied up...

And tied up...

Ya! That's it! You're saying I'm all tied up inside! okay!

I'm all tied up inside... and those phony bombs mean that...

If I don't... untie myself inside... inside, the emotional knots...

I'm gonna explode!

Yeah!

Oh, it's so simple!

Yet, so brilliant!

OK Doctor M.!

I get it!

Baby Step.

Untie your knots!

Free!

Free!

Free!

Doctor M... you did it!

Free!

Doctor Marvin! Doctor Marvin!

You did it! You did it! Leo!

On Tuesday, we'll eat Gil.

On Wednesday, we'll eat Bob!

No, no, no... that's going too far!

Dad! Daddy!

Daddy you're all right?

I'm fine! I'm fine!

I'm fine! Really, thank you for asking! I'm fine now!

Now Bob's gone. we know, sweetie... You do?

How?

I didn't ear it go off!

For he's a jolly good fellow, for he's a jolly good fellow, It's Bob!

Bob, just please...

Dr Leo is a genius!

Your death therapy cured me, you genius.

What are you doing here?

You cured me doco! Bob...

The bags I put around your neck Bob, Where are they?

In the House.

Why?

Sweetie... our house...

Oops...

Burn Burn Burn!


You think he can hear us?

Can we talk to him?

I don't know if it will help, but, try.

Come on sweetie.

Leo!

Sweetie!

Leo!

Can you hear me?

Daddy it's me, Anna!

Leo, it's me Lily, your sister!

We don't care about the house!

Come back to us!

The worst is over!

Yeah dad! How much worse can it get?

Do you Bob Wiley take Lily Marvin, to be your lawful wedded wife, to love honor and cherish 'til death do you part?

I do.

Do you Lily Marvin take Bob Wiley to be your lawful husband, to love honor and cherish 'til death do you part?

I do!

If anyone here, knows any reason why these two should not be joined together in the holy matrimony Speak now, or forever hold your peace.

Then, by the power vested in me... by the State of New York, I pronounce you man and wife.

No!!!

Dad's Back! Daddy!

Leo!

I'm married, Leo!


Real English subs by C-Slim