When in Rome (2010) Script

[♪ Jason Mraz: Kicking With You]


[♪ 3OH!3 featuring Katy Perry: Starstrukk (featuring Katy Perry)]

Great job, you guys.

Has anyone seen Stacy?

[woman on walkie-talkie] Stacy? Stacy, where are you guys?

[Stacy] Oh, hey boss. Table four. Come meet us.

Hey, did you check out that cute guy by the Monet?

[woman on walkie] The one breathing on the Monet?

I called security.

I think it's best to steer clear of him, given my track record.

Ooh, is that for me?

No, no, that's my... Thanks! I'm starving!

The show is going great. To Beth!

[man] Our fearless leader. Job well done.

Thank you, guys.

Oh, my God. Is that Brady Sacks?

Beth's ex? Where?

Not a funny joke. And I'll tell you why.

Because if Brady had the nerve to show up here, I mean at my event, no less, after he...

Dumped you like yesterday's trash? [Stacy] Ripped your heart out and fed it to the Central Park pigeons?

Come on, I'm not even over your breakup yet.

Well, I am, OK? In a big way. Brady Sacks?

Who cares?! That's what I say.

He's right behind me, isn't he?

Brady... Oh, yeah...

Great show. Great show, guys.

[mouthing] [woman clears throat]

Uh, what are you doing here?

Look, I know you're crazy busy, but there's something I need to say to you.

Something I think I'll make up for what I put you through.

Uh... OK.

I've got three words for you, Beth Martin.

I was wrong. Did he just say he was wrong?

A year ago, when I broke up with you, I felt like you cared more about your work than you did about me.

Yeah, I remember, Brady, really clearly, when you broke up with me in the Applebee's.

I'm sorry about that, but I'm here to tell you that...

...I get it. Can you hear?

Barely. I think he said he gets it.

Oh, he gets it!

I'm ready to jump in again, in a big way.

You want to jump in again?

Yeah.

[Beth] Wow, uh...

Yeah. I mean, maybe. If it's slow.

You made me realize that it doesn't matter how hard someone works, as long as you love them enough.

Yes. I can't believe that you're saying that.

I'm just a little overwhelmed.

I met someone who works just as hard as you do, only now I can accept her for that.

We're getting engaged! Beth's getting engaged!

[record scratching] Did I just hear that right?

Our host and curator, Beth Martin, is getting engaged?

[crowd exclaims]

[♪ Patrice Irving, Richard Wagner: Rockin' Bride]

[chuckles] Uh... Uh...

No, I'm not. I'm not getting engaged!

Not tonight, not to him.

[record scratches] [glass breaking]

[crowd falls silent]

[Beth laughing]

Oh, man.

But maybe. Maybe in the future sometime.

I don't know. With someone else.

Got to see how it pans out. OK?

[clears throat]

[woman laughs]

[grunting]

Well, at least it wasn't in the Applebee's.

Worst day ever.

[sighs]

[pounding on door]

Joan? Sis! Guess what?

I'm getting married! [giggles]

Yay.

[laughing]

His name is Umberto. Umberto! How sexy is that?

We met on a flight to Italy two weeks ago, and now we're getting married. In Rome.

Wow. That... Joan. Wow.

He's the one, Beth. I know it. I can't wait until you meet him.

And when I do, I will have known him for almost as long as you have.

You know what? You're not exactly a role model when it comes to relationships.

OK, maybe not, but that is because I have a relationship with my job.

I love my job. And when I find a guy that I like more than my job, that's how I'll know he's the one.

OK, so basically what you need is a male version of yourself.

Well, he doesn't have to be blonde.

You know that I mean this with all the love in the world, but two weeks, Joan?

That's not long enough.

That's not even enough time for a credit check.

When you know, you don't need proof. You just know.

Be happy for me, B. God, I am! I am.

I am.

She's doomed. I mean, come on, you meet some Italian guy in first class, you date him.

You don't marry him. She's so lucky.

Just imagine working in a place where they sort men into classes.

What? I'm just saying.

My baby sister is about to make the biggest mistake of her life, and there's nothing I can do about it.

She got swept away. It happens.

No, it doesn't.

Instead of chasing a fairy tale, you could focus on work. That's what I do.

And you know what? I've never been happier.

Well, you must be ecstatic.

And still single, I understand.

It appears we can begin. In nine days, we'll be hosting the single most important event of our year, The Board of Trustees' Annual Circle of Gold Gala.

This year, the special installation for the event is the brainchild of our youngest and therefore least-experienced curator.

An exhibition centered on the theme of pain. Status report.

Fourteen of our pieces are already on site, and three of the remaining four are en route.

And the remaining piece? Is the Slater Bradley.

Yes, the centerpiece for the exhibition, where is it?

We're resolving some last-minute insurance issues.

Last-minute? I can't say I like the sound of that.

It'll be here. I'll make sure of it.

Moving on...

Ah, there is one small little detail.

The day after tomorrow, my sister will be getting married.

In Rome. Italy.

Well, that simply won't do.

Well, it's my baby sister's wedding.

Well, we all have sisters, Beth.

[man snickering] Mmm.

I will stay on top of this from Rome.

I'll be in and out in 48 hours, and you have my word, Celeste.

The Circle of Gold Gala will go off without a hitch.

It better. You may be talented, Beth, but you're not irreplaceable.

Have a nice trip.

So...

[♪ Paolo Nutini: Pencil Full ofLead]

How long you stay Rome, eh?

Uh, 48 hours and counting.

Is not so much time. But lucky for you, it only takes a moment to see true beauty.

[giggles] [honking]

The Eternal City is the most romantic city in the world.

You never lived until you loved in Rome.

Not a lot of reception around here, huh?

[man] Put down your phone and look, signora. Welcome to Roma!

Did I mention I'm late for my sister's wedding?

[man speaks Italian] Many times. So much beauty! [exclaims]

[brakes screech]

And, finally, the magnificent Fontana d'Amore.

[speaking Italian] [sighs]

A place where romantics from all over the world come to wish for love.

Old people, young people, ugly people.

They get so lost in love. It's nice!

Yes, nice, thank you.

[man shouts in Italian]

And good luck!

[bells tolling]

[woman] Joan, the Amsale dress looks gorgeous.

Hi! Hi. Beth, darling!

Wow, look at you. You look exhausted.

Thanks, Mom. She looks fine.

You look beautiful. Thank you.

What happened to "don't see the bride before the wedding"?

Isn't this bad luck? Girls, we don't have time.

Your father's current tramp of the month is waiting inside with your dress.

I heard that. And she's not a tramp.

She's a pro beach volleyball player. Hello, sweetheart.

Hi, Daddy. [chuckles]

How are you? Exhausted.

Beth, this is Umberto, my fiancé.

So, you're my sister too, now.

[speaks Italian]

Yeah. Come on.

You have to meet his family. They're a scream.

See if he has a brother.

Dad! Cousin.

[♪ Canon and Gigue in D Major: Gigue]

[crowd murmuring] [man clears throat]

[exhales]

[♪ Jani Lane: Cherry Pie playing]

[man] Slippery little... Come on.

How does he get service?

[music stops] [singing Cherry Pie]

You're late, Nick. I'm sorry.

Where's your tie? Oh!

There we go.

[playing Tarantella]

[clapping, cheering]

I know, but I can't get an Internet signal.

I need to know that you're on top of the Slater Bradley situation.

[all] Hey!

You're breaking up. Just whistle if you can hear me.

Stacy? Ah, there's my girl.

Taking care of business.

Always. Having a good time?

Oh, yeah. You know me, I love small, intimate weddings.

[chuckles] If you're gonna be a bear, be a grizzly, right?

I don't know what that means.

[laughing]

So, what do you think of Tina? She seems very fit, Dad.

That's all you can say?

Tan and odds-on favorite to catch the bouquet.

You're a very lucky man.

I only wish for you the feeling I have when I'm with her.

Come on, Beth. Get going here. I want to throw another wedding.

You will. You're due for another wife pretty soon.

I'm sorry, that was a low blow.

Quite a pair, huh?

You refuse to fall in love, and I can't stop.

Promise me one thing.

When it comes, you'll be open to it.

I will try, Daddy. There you are!

It's vase-breaking time. It's what?

It's a tradition. The maid of honor shatters a vase, and the number of pieces symbolizes the years of happiness she wishes for the bride and groom.

Wow! That's a lot of pressure.

Right? So smash it hard.

OK. OK.

[makes crashing sound] [speaks Italian]

[all repeat in Italian]

[crowd gasps, murmurs]

[chuckles nervously]

[crowd whispering]

[microphone feedback] [grunting]

[all gasping] [laughs]

[Beth] I'm so sorry.

I was not aiming for that, but, man, I really nailed it.

[moaning]

[gasps] She wishes them a life of great tragedy! No, I don't. No, I don't.

I just... I'm trying to break it. I'm really trying.

I cracked it! [guffaws]

OK. We're almost there. Excuse me.

[grunting]

Die! Oh, man! [man exclaims in Italian]

Let's just go ahead and let me handle this.

[shouts in Italian] [all cheer]

Wow. You are... you're...

You're quite the determined little thing, aren't you?

Yeah, well, I cracked it before you smashed it.

I know. Yeah, I know.

I'm Nick, by the way. Beth.

Nice to meet you. I would've introduced myself earlier, but I was running a little late.

Yeah, I noticed.

I was in the hills doing an interview, and on my way back I kinda got hit by a goat.

Oh, my God! You hit a goat? No, the goat hit me.

It wasn't my fault, and the goat's fine.

[crowd chanting in Italian]

What are they saying? It means "speech."

I think you're up again. There you go.

Hello again. [microphone feedback]

I'm Beth, sister of the bride.

Umm...

Umberto, though I haven't known you for very long...

Uh...

I'm sorry. I don't speak any Italian.

[speaks Italian] Umberto, although I haven't known you very long...

[crowd murmurs]

[both chuckle]

I'm a little rusty, so if you stay away from any obscure idioms, that would be great.

Yeah. Sure. I'll keep it simple. Thank you.

When I look at you, Joan, I remember a little girl who believed in magic.

As I look at you right now...

...I see a grown woman who has seen all the magic in the world come true tonight.

[stammers]

Joan...

[speaks Italian] Joan likes magic...

This is harder than I thought.

[speaks Italian] Maybe if we all clap loudly...

...she'll wrap it up.

Because you and Umberto are making magic here tonight.

[speaks Italian] Well, it was worth a try...

And I know that, if you could, you'd share that feeling with me.

[speaks Italian] And I know that you'll...

...share him with me.

Oh! [crowd murmuring]

[man laughing]

[crowd grumbling] [mutters]

OK. It appears our best man has run out of Italian, so cheers. [speaks Italian]

[all repeat in Italian]

I liked your toast.

Thank you. Umberto's brother already hit on me, and most of his family thinks I'm a pervert, but thanks.

They do that for good luck.

So where did you learn to speak Italian so poorly?

Syracuse. Umberto and I were roommates.

He taught me how to talk to girls in Italian, and I taught him American football.

I wanted to ask you before...

Who is your service provider? Uh, why?

I saw you e-mailing earlier, and I kind of have signal envy.

Give me your phone. I need to send one quick work e-mail.

If I don't... No, you can't have my phone.

Why not? You're just gonna take my number.

I'm not gonna take your number. You're gonna take my phone and call your phone with it so that you have my number, and I can't have you booty-calling me at 2:30 in the morning. I'm not go...

Wait! You know what? I do. I need it.

Because I need to block it from my phone.

I can't give it to you, because Umberto made me turn it off.

So it's on vibrate? No, it's off.

[gulps] Like "off" off? Yeah.

[man] Nicholas! Ah, Father Dino!

Nicholas! Father...

All right. [speaks Italian]

Maybe some cards again tonight? Some Texas holding them?

I don't think so. You cleaned me out at Umberto's bachelor party.

No more cards for me, pal. Wow.

I take my vows only six months ago.

They say it's a work in the progress.

Sure. Forgive me.

Come on, Father. It's OK. [speaking Italian]

It's just a card game. It's OK.

It's OK. No more cards.

It's OK. [speaks Italian]

[instrumental music] [rhythmic clapping]

Look at those two. Tell me he's a good guy.

Ah, he's a saint. Her? An angel.

Oh, a saint and an angel. I give it a year.

I would not even give it six months.

This marriage has the shelf life of a banana.

They've known each other two weeks.

That's not even enough time for a credit check.

[gasps]

What? Nothing.

[Joan laughing]

[crowd] Hey!

No, wait! I don't want to... No, wait!

[laughs]

[laughing]

[crackling] [music stops]

[crowd murmuring] [Nick] Uh, it's my bad.

Sorry about that.

Go ahead. [speaks Italian]

[instrumental music]

What are you...?

I'm sorry. Oh, yeah. It's mine.

Just put that back in there. Thank you.

[giggles]

[both laughing]

Hey! [speaks Italian]

Hey.

What did he just yell at you? Nothing.

What? Nothing.

It means "the hit."

I played some football in college and...

...I took kind of a big hit.

Football. Goats. You get hit a lot.

It's kind of a famous hit.

It's not exactly what you want to be known for.

But it's football. Doesn't everyone get hit in football?

I got hit by lightning. OK?

On the field. In a game.

Oh... Yeah.

See, I get that look a lot.

It's OK. It's OK.

Aside from a slight peripheral vision issue, I'm fine.

Oh! Yeah? [chuckles] Mmm-hmm.

[Nick] You smell like lavender.

You smell like livestock.

You're not so tough.

Beth! It's time to cut the cake.

Oh... all right. [clears throat]

He looks nice.

But so did your father.

[sighs]

You seen her? No.

[speaks Italian] [woman speaking Italian]

Be open to it, Beth.

Trust in love, Beth.

Believe in magic, Beth.

Mmm-hmm.

What the hell.


Come on. There you go. [woman laughing]

OK...

[speaking Italian]

Of course.

[laughs] What an idiot.

[sighs]


What are you looking at? Fountain of Love.

[sputters]

What a crock. I mean, we wait our whole lives for some perfect guy to come in and sweep us off our feet.

Well, guess what. He's not coming.


Each one of you is a desperate wish for love that is never gonna come true.

[thunder rumbling]

So I'm saving you.

[gasps] And...