Why I Wore Lipstick to My Mastectomy (2006) Script

[music playing]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: My name is Geralyn Lucas.

I came to New York with a plan.

I always had a plan.

I made lists-- well, not wishlists.

Wishlists depend on hope and luck and for stars in the night sky.

I made a list of all the things I wanted, and then I worked hard until I got them.

Get married, have a career,raise children, give back to society, all while having the guts to wear red lipstick.

I love red lipstick because it's a choice.

Wearing it shows confidence, demands that the world pay attention,and dares you to live up to it.

But I wasn't that daring yet.

A few years ago, my list was almost complete.

I married Tyler Lucas, a handsome doctor who could easily pass for Tom Cruise, if Tom were taller, more highlyeducated, and much less weird.

I was a story editor for"2020," the top TV news magazine show with Barbara Walters.

So, the husband and jobthings were under control, and children were on the immediate horizon.

I swear to God, in the dictionary, under having it all was a picture of me.

Well, me if I weresmarter, taller, and more self-confident, and had a dog.

Evening, Ms. Lucas.

Evening, Joe.

Taxi!

Taxi!

[whistles]

Taxi!

46th and 8th please.

TAXI DRIVER: Sure.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I wasn'treally a red lipstick girl.

I was really more of a gloss girl.

Gloss is safe.

I felt like the women whowore red lipstick were more deserving than me, more powerful than me.

But they aren't facing thelife and death decision I am.

I need to go to a place that will give me clarity and insight, a place that represents everything I have to lose.

You work here?

No.

Well, maybe-- Well, I could if I wanted to.

Why do you ask?

TAXI DRIVER: No reason.

Thank you.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]:Breasts, boobs, tits, jugs.

Men have fought and died for them.

Yes, died for them, just so that they can bury their heads in them.

What men don't know is that they're hard wired to make idiots of themselves over them, because breasts area symbol of a woman's fertility.

So they sneak peeks at them,look at pictures of them, talk about them, grab and touchthem, and pay to see them.

This place was a potpourriof breasts on parade-- big ones, bigger ones, and Baywatch fake ones, a crash course like a CliffsNotes on why boobs matter so much.

Get you something to drink?

Isn't it weird how women have the power to hypnotize men into this, like, trance just by taking off their tops?

Yeah, it's weird.

I'll have a beer.

Just a beer, in the bottle.

No glass, please.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I'dcome here to decide whether or not to have a mastectomy,to have my breasts cut off.

This decision could very well save my life, so why was it so hard to make?

Tell me you're going tocut off some of my thigh, I can live with that.

But don't tell me I've got to lose a breast.

But what did it mean, really?

I mean, losing my breastwouldn't mean losing my husband or my job or my friends.

Or maybe that's exactly what it will mean, and I'll lose everything.

Am I willing to lose the power these women have in order to save my life?

10 days ago, I had what felt like other very important decisions to make.

I'll have the decaf nonfat extrahot mocha with whipped cream, but only if it's non-fat whipped cream.

It's not just steam milk extra foamy.

Please.

Hey, Geralyn, honey.

You've got to getyourself a lottery ticket.

This could be your lucky day.

Yeah, I believe inworking for your success, not scratching for it.

Ooh.

Hi, it's Geralyn Lucas again.

Sorry.

OK, so what you're tryingto achieve through surgery is to look like Barbie-- like the actual doll or like a metaphor of some kind?

I'm sorry, can you hold on one second please?

I'm sure you already know this, sir, but there's a shelter over on 45th and 1st.

Go get yourself a shower, havea hot meal, or buy alcohol, if that's what you need right now.

No judgments.

OK, so you've already had thebutt lift, the tummy tuck, the cheek and the dental implants, the nose job, but you're still going to get the boob job.

Uh-huh.

Mm-hmm.

Mm-hmm.

Sir.

So is there a Ken or a GIJoe you're doing this for?

I feel like we've covered thewhole fat free, carb free diet myth, at least for the moment.

What about teenagers and oral sex?

They don't think it's sexbecause there's no intercourse.

I swear, I saw thatLifetime movie just last week.

VICTOR: I need something thatwill move people, something more edgy, human interest stories that make people feel something.

Like Gail's story about spermdonor kids who want to meet their dads, that was good.

That's what I'm talking about.

People.

Anybody.

Somebody.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: It was my boss, Meredith.

I call her the goddess.

A celebrity baby picture bounty?

Yeah?

Um, soft addictions?

Like?

Dark chocolate, nail biting,video gaming, shopping, internet chat rooms, online poker.

I mean, these aren't, like, check into treatment addictions.

You don't have to go througha 12-step program for them, so maybe it'll be somethinga little bit different.

Yeah, definite potential.

Hm.

There's this one woman in Texas who had 36 plastic surgeries in order to look like a Barbie doll.MAN: Ugh.

Wow.

Like Barbie, like the doll.

Addicted to plastic surgery.

That's the promo.

Good work, Gail.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: So then Meredith, the queen of everything I want to be in life, gives me this big thumbs upand says to me, I like that.

And then Victor, the bossof the whole division, says, good work, Gail, again.

Who's Gail?

Me.

Oh, that's what Victor thinks my name is.

It was the first timehe's ever complimented me.

I didn't want to ruin it by correcting him.

When he hates something I do, then I'll tell him my real name,and we can all hate Gail.

Oh, you're looking good.

Oh.

Do you have a date after work today?

Come on.

If I had a date, don't you thinkthat would be the first thing out of my mouth?

Nothing new happened to me this week.

I could make something up for you, but that would just be pathetic.

OK, let's order dessert.

Oh, oh my god, is something wrong?

No.

Can't we have chocolate withoutone of us being in crisis?

Mm-mm.

Not during the day.

OK.

Um, next time I go to Dr. Crone's office, I'm going to tell her it'stime to go off the pill.

WENDY: No way.

Oh!

Ahh!

Oh, this is so exciting.

Oh, and scary.

Are we old enough to be the parents?

Because I'm not ready to make that commitment.

Tyler and you are creating life, and I can't even meet somebody.

I'm a loser.

I'm not pregnant yet.

Well, is it on the list?

If it's on the list, it will happen.

A list is just a guideline.

DONNA: I've seen the list, Ger.

I saw the first one when we were eight.

I've seen many since.

Let me see.

Grow large breasts.

Get straight A's.

Be editor of the school paper.

Uh, Columbia School of Journalism.

Marry a cool doctor.

Get a cool job.

Blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah blah.

So clearly the largebreast thing didn't work out.

Yeah!

Blondie, what you doing tonight?

Look at these guys checking you out.

Uh, yeah, you.

I'm sorry.

All men are disgusting, drooling [LOUDLY] pigs!

Why can't I find one to love me?

Hey, the movie starts at8:00, and I told them we'd meet them for a drink before.

OK, two minutes.

OK.

Wait, wait, wait, we got two minutes real time, two minutes Geralyn time?

OK, six.

You know what?

I'm the one that's going to have to make the excuse why we're late.- Go.

Go away. Fine.

Hurry.

I just found threelumps in my right breast.

What?

Let me see.

Right here.

Honey, I'm sure it's nothing.

Come on.

How do you know it's nothing?

Because I'm a card carrying doctor.

I have a stethoscope and everything.

All right? Let's go.

You're an orthopedic surgeon.

It's not like I felt a lump in my knee.

Honey, do you remember?

When I was a resident, I dida six-month breast cancer rotation, and one thing you learn is it's almost always nothing.

It's like the time when you had a headache, you thought you had a brain tumor, or-- or when you thought you had pneumonia.

I'm not a hypochondriac.

Or how about the time youthought you had a broken foot?

That was a really rough pedicure.

OK?

I mean, you're the one who taught me how to do a self breast exam in the first place on our second date.

Oh, I just wanted to see you naked.

Come on, stop worrying.

Just hurry up.

Honey, I'm sure it's nothing.

I mean, you know what?

Women are lumpy.

Oh, great.

Listen.

If it's still there in a weekor so after you get your period, we'll have it checked out.

You know when I'm going to get my period?

Yeah.

Well, it doesn't take a genius.

Usually eating a carton of Rocky Road ice cream and complaining about being fat.

Do not.

And it's not always Rocky Road.

What is it?

Hm?

Hm?

See, now we're going to be late.

I don't think a few minuteswill make a big difference.

A few minutes in real timeor a few minutes in Tyler time?

Hm.

We've been married for two years, and I've wanted a babysince I was a little girl.

And Tyler wants kids just as much as I do.

Put your other arm up.

You've been on the pill for a long time, so it might take you a few cycles before you can get pregnant.

I know.

I did this story on this onewoman who had been trying to get pregnant for, like, three years, and then she finds out that her husband has been grinding a birthcontrol pill into her coffee.

OK, I hadn't heard everything.

I'm going to write you a prescription for prenatal vitamins.

But be sure you take themwith food because they can make you nauseous.

Anything else?

Uh, well, I--

I'm sure it's nothing,but I did find three lumps in my right breast last week.

But two of them went away after my period, so--

I didn't feel it.

It's kind of, like, undermy arm, like right here, kind of like deep under my arm--- Here, show me.

--in my armpit right there.

I mean, it's probably fine, but.

Yeah, I feel it now.

You?

Yeah.

Tyler says it's nothing, andhe thinks I'm a hypochondriac.

Well, he's right-- not about you being a hypochondriac, but about it probably being nothing.

You're young.

You've got no family history.

Not that that's always an indicator.

I don't like to mess around with lumps, so I'm going to send you for a mammogram today.

I have a really importantstaff meeting at 3:00.

Can it wait?

I mean, keep in mindthat every single disease I've ever thought I have had I didn't have.

Don't worry.

It's just a precaution.

The mammogram will just giveus some useful information.

OK, just lower the right side of your gown.

OK, now I need you to lean inand put your left hand here.

And then I'm going to put yourbreast on the steel plate.

Oh, that is-- yeah, if thiswas for a penis, it would be heated and play Sinatra.

So can you tell something right away?

The films have to be reviewedby a radiologist first.

We really can't say anything until then.

You'll get a call in a day or two.

How many minutes is that?

You're still young.

I'm sure you're fine.

You're at least 10 years youngerthan anyone we normally see.

OK, I need you to standstill and hold your breath.

Mm-hmm.

No, it's nothing.

Tyler says they just haveto be careful because of lawsuits and stuff.

I'm sure I'm fine.

Um, I gotta go.

I'm not supposed to be on a cellphone in here.

No, he'll come.

I'm sure that's fine.

I'll call you as soon as I know something.

OK. Bye, mom.

Love you, too.

Uh, do I need to sign anything or--

Can you wait a few minutes?

Yeah. Why?

I thought we wouldn't knowanything for a couple of days.

Did someone just suck all ofthe oxygen out of the room?

The radiologist took a look at your films and wants you to have an ultrasound.

Can you make a 3 o'clock appointment today?

Should I be freaking out?

No.

It's just an ultrasound, not a biopsy.

That's a good thing, right?

Um, can you page, uh, Dr. Tyler Lucas, please?

Yeah, tell him it's the hypochondriac.

I'm Bob Bradley.

I work with Tyler.

He asked me to see you right away.

Unfortunately, theresults of your ultrasound were inconclusive.

So a biopsy is really theonly way to know for sure.

I understand you're both nervous, so I've arranged to do this right away.

Oh.

Please, have a seat.

What I'll do is I'll make a small incision.

Pathology will have theresults back to us later today, and we can all stop worrying.

We?

You're worried, too?

Because I know that I'mworried, but if you're worried, maybe I should be a little more worried.

I'm not worried.

Women have lumps and cysts all the time.

Your age?

I'm sure it's not cancer.

Me, too.

Please.

Lie down.

Oh.

So, uh, you and Tyler are friends?

That's nice to havefriends in the workplace.

It's, um-- it makes the whole thing more fun and less, uh, work ish.

I'm sorry.

Could someone please tape my mouth shut?

Stop worrying.

You always think that somethingterrible is going to happen, and it never does.

Never, never, never, never.

[toilet flush]

Don't worry.

I'm not crazy.

I was just trying to be optimistic in the face of terrifying inescapable doom.

I'm afraid the news isn't good.

It's, uh-- it's cancer.

But we're going to doeverything we can to beat this.

We have to wait for the final pathology, but I'm sure you're acandidate for lumpectomy.

It's a small scar, nothing to worry about, and you'll be mostly unchanged.

Mostly unchanged?

Will I need chemo?

I mean, is all-- all of my hair going to fall out?

Is it wrong that that was my first question?

And actually, my first questionis, um, am I going to die?

[beeping]

It's all the coffee I drink.

Too much microwave, allthose artificial sweeteners, me taking the pill too long,not taking the pill long enough.

It's not your fault.

Of course it's my fault.All the red meat, hormones in the milk, lead in the water.

I mean, all that secondhandsmoke or firsthand cell phone.

Stop making yourself crazy.

I still eat those maraschino cherries even though I know they havethat red dye that kills you.

Hm.

What time's your ma supposed to come?

Any minute.

Is your dad coming, too?

This is my family we're talking about.

You sure you don'twant me to come with you?

Don't you have those two surgeries this morning?

I'm not going to keep two innocent people from having their knees fixed.

[door buzzer]

Baby.

Hi, mom.

Aw.

Hi, dad.

Hi, sweetheart.

Hey, Ger.

Hey, Adam.

You know the law school's close, OK?

MOM: Hello, Tyler.

So I can totally be here to help, and if I have to drop out for you, I will.

Drop out of law school?

No one's dropping out of anything.

We're all here to cover for each other.

We're all in this together.[door buzzer]

Hey, Tyler.

Hey, Adam.

Hi.

MOM: Oh, it's the girls.

Hi, hi, hi.

I signed you up at the market so you call, tell them we're going tobe here for whatever you need.

The point is, Ger, you'renot in this fight alone.

We're going to be withyou every step of the way.

OK, so, who's going to go with you?

MOM: Going where?

I have an appointment withthis oncologist this morning.

BOTH: Who? Dr. Murray.

MOM: Who is Dr. Murray?

Well, I did a rotation with her.

Her? Yes, her.

She's very good.

She's, uh-- well, women loveher because she's tough.

This is good?

She's a battle ax, and youwant someone who's aggressive.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I see famous doctors at famous clinics.

These are the Chanels, theGuccis, the Pradas of cancer.

Hi.

I feel like I'm cheating on my first doctor.

I mean, just because you're asecond opinion and everything.

You're only 27?

Yeah.

This is unbelievable.

My god, you have really bad luck.

My first doctor cried, and my second doctor told me I have bad luck.

I'm totally screwed.

We have a lot to talk about.

So I need a lumpectomy.

No.

You need a double mastectomy.

A double mastectomy?

Why hit something with a feather when you can hit it with a hammer?

Now, you have a lot to consider.

You can start chemo beforesurgery and continue after, or you can just start after.

We can spread it out with lower doses over a longer period of time or get through it faster with higher doses.

You might be a candidate for a clinical trial that I'm involved in.

You'd be receiving much more powerful drugs, drugs that aren'tyet available to the public.

There is the risk of heartfailure and early menopause, but with that risk, there's a higher percent chance of a cure.

How much higher?

About a half a percent, but it's your decision.

I think I want a second, second opinion.

You're in luck.

My cancer patients tend to have good outcomes.

I didn't realize how manydoctors believe in luck.

Personally, I would recommenda lumpectomy with radiation.

The last doctor I went to see told me that she thinks I shouldhave a double mastectomy.

Can you believe that?

I mean, I have cancer on one side, and she thinks I should take them both off.

Well, she may be right.

There are different treatmentoptions available to you.

But it's really your decision.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: There it is again-- my decision.

Like I have a clue, likeI'm deciding between a side of coleslaw or potato salad.

There is a long-term studyout of Italy that suggests that women live just as long with a lumpectomy as a mastectomy.

I mean, you're such an attractive young woman, I'd hate to see you lose your breast.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: And I had to wonder, did he hate to see me losemy breast from a doctor's or a man's point of view?

A lumpectomy would removethe entire lump, as well as the extra tissue around it, justto make sure that the margins are free of cancer cells.

Now you still needchemotherapy and radiation, but you'd be more, um--

Unchanged?

Yes, unchanged.

Oh, uh, but it's, uh-- it's your decision.

My decision, yes.

My decision, I know.

Um, what would you tellyour mother or your sister or your daughter to do?

Well, it's hard to say.

Well, can you try?

Sweetheart, pick up yourhead and eat something.

You need your strength.

GERALYN: I don't want anyone to see me.

I don't think your plan is working.

When she was a little girl, she used to think that if she closedher eyes, nobody could see her.

Didn't you, honey?

And what a beautiful baby she was.

Remember, she walked at nine months?

Do I remember?

Of course I remember. TYLER: You know what?

Maybe I should take her home.

I think she shouldstart a macrobiotic diet.

A woman I work with at school changed her diet and cured herself.

Of cancer?

High blood pressure.

But it works for a lot of things.

There's another doctor I want her to see.

GERALYN: Her? I'm her.

Don't talk about her like her's not here.

A seventh opinion?

No, she's a cancer therapist.

I've done some research, and shecomes very highly recommended.

She's someone for you to talk to, you know, someone to helpyou think things through.

Why would you think I need to see a shrink?

Can I get you guys anything else?

No, thank you.

Yes, I would like tosee a dessert menu please.

I have cancer.

Um, the doctor gave hersomething to calm her nerves.

Oh, I'm very calm.

Calm and cancerous.

OK.

Philadelphia's so far away.

Harvey and I would liketo come and stay with you and help you look after Geralyn.

Oh, I don't--

I don't know.

I don't-- I don't think that's a very good idea.

We can sleep on the floor.

It's not a problem.

It's not a problem.

You guys--

I don't think I can be away from her right now.

Ger?

Ger.

So what's going on with you?

I'm good.

Thank you.

How are you?

THERAPIST: Maybe there's somethings you want to talk about?

Like what?

Right, I'm here because I'mstressed out about my cancer.

And I am, of course, concerned about it, but that's to be expected, right?

I mean, I'm just normal,the normal level of concern.

Well, maybe there's some things that you need to say out loudthat you can't say in front of your family and friends.

No, my family and friends are wonderful.

I say lots of things to them out loud.

You must be very scared.

I used to be scared of cockroaches, of algebra, sharks.

Not having makeup on whenI run into an old boyfriend on the street, who I don'treally even care about, but he dumped me, so-- althoughI was going to dump him.

I'm scared that I'll make the wrong decision.

I'm scared that I can make theright decision and still die.

I'm scared that if I go tosleep at night, I won't wake up.

And I'm scared that my husband secretly thinks that he picked wrongand that I'm damaged goods.

And that deep down, he wishesthat he could run away.

[upbeat music]

I saw you from three blocks away, huh?

Wow.

[laughs] I almost crashed intothat car trying to pick you up.

I thought you were just a baddriver like most other caddies.

Me? No, no, no.

I'm a really gooddriver-- good dancer, too.

You like to dance?

No.

Really?

Well, you look like you can move.

You know what?

Dancing can free your life of boring limits.

It can lift you up.

Choo!

Fly away.

You look like you coulduse some lifting up, ooh.

Huh?

Bad day, lady?

Oh!

I love this song.

Come on, sing with me on this one, eh?

You know the words?

[singing along] Come on, sing.

[singing along in spanish]Hey, lady, you OK?

I'm fine.

TAXI DRIVER: You sure?

Please, just drive.

Come on, there must be something I can do, eh?

Pull over, dance a little bit?

Actually, I won't be doingmuch dancing because next week, I'm having my right breastcut off because I have cancer.

[tires screeching]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Tonight at 11:00, "2020" loses one of theirown when a crazy Cuban taxi driver kills Gail.

Lady, lady, listen to me.

You and I were supposed tomeet at this very moment.

It's what we Cubans call fate.

Fate comes from Cuba?

Yes.

I had testicular cancer three years ago.

I was treated at Sloan Kettering.

I had one ball removed.

I've been fine ever since.

And you would be, too.

I will.

Yes.

I am certain.

Thank you.

You know, I even dance better with one ball.

[laughs] Really?

It's true.

Yeah, everybody says so.

Can you take me home now?

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Suddenly,an angel has appeared to tell me that I can be whole.

I thought on the ride homethat if a one-balled man and an about to be one-boobed woman can end up connecting in a seven minute cab ride in a city of millions, then somehow, I will survive this ordeal.

Go home.

When I'm a wreck, you can cover for me.

[music playing]

Yes, tell him it's Dr.Tyler Lucas from Mount Sinai.

I'm calling about the breast cancer study he was doing with women under 40.

Yes, I read his article.

It's just he doesn'tmention anyone in their 20s.

None?

[light snoring]

[indistinct chattering]

[snort]

Oh, she snorted!

No, it's a genetic. It is.

It's not. It's--

My-- my aunt.

It's how many glasses of wine.

That's what makes you snort.

Oh, boy.

[giddy laughter]

What-- what are you doing here?

It's nice to see you, too.

No, I just--

I thought that you were in surgery tonight.

No, I, uh, couldn't.

I just-- I didn't want you to be alone.

I mean, you know, after your brother went home, and your parents went to sleep, and your-- your friends left.

Well, don't you worry, Tyler.

You don't have to satisfy all of us.

Let's go for it.

I'm just going to jump in the shower.

We'll be gone before you get out.

Or not!

Will you guys still bemy best friends when I die?

Ugh, you're not going to die.

Well, if I do, you can marry Tyler.

Thank you.

But you're not going to die.

Well--

Are you OK?

Just--

What?

Well, why don't you want me to marry Tyler?

[laughter] OK.

No, no, no, no, no.

She's drunk.

I am going to take her homebefore she says something even more ridiculously stupid.

[books clattering]

Oh, good.

You're awake.

What should I do?

Please tell me what to do.

I don't know.

I have all the same information you have.

It's your body.

It's your decision.

Please don't tell me that.

I'm so sick and tired of hearing that.

I'm not a doctor.

I'm not qualified to makea decision like this.

I mean, I can't even decidewhether or not to have a flu shot.

All right.

Listen, every doctor I canpossibly reach, I've spoken to.

And some think that a mastectomyis the safer way to go.

But then others think that alumpectomy is the same thing.

And you don't run the riskof losing your breast.

OK, I've decided.

Since it's my decision, I want a lumpectomy.

You know how I love to save everything.

I mean, I still have my kindergarten report card and all my baby teeth.

Yeah.

Come here.

And that's what we'll do.

All right?

What if after all this I can't have kids?

We'll cross that bridge when we come to it.

I want the baby more thananything in this world.

I know you do, too.

What if we can't?

We will.

Sleep now.

OK?

[doors banging open]

Great, you're awake.

Oh.

I told you they were up.

Did you tell him about the lumpectomy?

Um, we were just discussing it.

That's good.

Good.

We'll give them some time.

So you told them before you told me?

No. Um, sort of.

They were here, and they're my parents.

And you told Wendy and Donna, too.

Yes, I just needed to hear it out loud.

How did it sound?

Good, I think.

No, good.

I'm-- I don't know.

Tyler, I don't know.

Maybe I just need to un-decide for a while.

Here.

Make a list.

Of what? It's what you do.

I don't know.

I mean, you took three weeksto research our dry cleaner.

You are a researcher.

Do the research.

[music playing]

Hi, this is Geralyn Lucas.

Um, I'm giving you a copyof my pathology report.

I decided to take control of my life.

Oh.

Sorry, I think I must have the wrong number.

[blender]

Hi, this is Geralyn Lucascalling Barbara Stoddard.

She told you that I was going to call.

What made you decide tohave a double mastectomy?

Ooh.

Maggie, could you pull that showwe did last year on that woman with breast cancer who went to Mexico and got cured with herbs?

I thought it might be good to do a follow-up piece on where she is now.

What?

She died.

Oh.

[typing]

I'm 27.


[knocking]

I am so sorry, but I reallyneed to talk to you right now.

There are not enoughstudies about breast cancer in women under the age of 30.

What we do know is it's more aggressive and it has a higher rate of recurring.

I mean, I don't even qualify forthat lumpectomy study in Italy because none of the women studied were under the age of 40, and my tumor has an extensive interductal component.

I want a mastectomy.

I know that it's the most radical approach, but it's the safest way to go.

And I'm telling you and I'mgoing home to schedule it.

You're telling me before youtell the pizza delivery guy?

You sound really confident.

I'm-- I'm proud of you.

I'm proud of me, too.

[music playing]

Good morning, Joe.

I've decided to go with a mastectomy.

Saying it out loud helps her cope.

Call me.

OK, Joe.

Bye, now.

I'll have a soy chai latte.

I don't know if you're aware,but I read this article in Redbook that said that in 18 soy studies, they noticed 14% different breast cancer rates in Caucasianwomen who ate tofu.

I mean, they also note thatthe studies were flawed, but maybe it can't hurt, right?

Hey, Geralyn.

You want to buy a lottery ticket?

I got a feeling this might be a lucky day.

Luck has nothing to do with it.

You make a decision, and you stick to it.

I'm going with the mastectomy,and I feel good about it.

Hey.

You have your health.

Are you busy?

Can I talk to you?

My job is very important to me, but I'm going to need to take a couple weeks off for some personal time.

Look, I have worked really hard here, and I'm not just going to crawl under a table and curl up into a ball and disappear.

So how does that sound?

Yeah, that sounds really good.

You know, it's your personal business.

You don't have to tell anyone anything.

Yeah, she can't fire you.

It's illegal, so.

You think she's going to fire me?

No! Well--

No!

Ger, don't even think like that.

Come on, honey.

Where's your libido, your confidence?

Holding on by a thread.

I'm about to lose mybreasts, my hair, my job, and maybe my husband, so.

You know what you need?

You need some special attention.

Like a last hurrah?

New York style.

WENDY: I'll give you my skirt.

GERALYN: This skirt is way too short on me!

Where did you get this?

Uh, the cutie section at Bloomingdale's.

OK, OK. It's 12 on the dot.

Let's go.- This is a terrible idea.

DONNA: No, no!

It's a sure-thing confidence booster.

WENDY: Oh, oh, shoes, shoes!

You need these.

There's no way around it.

You need these. DONNA: Aah!

WENDY: You look amazing.

DONNA: Yeah!

WENDY: Go, go, go, go.

[laughter]

It's hot.

It's hot.

Come on, let's go!

Come on.

Go, go, go.

DONNA & WENDY: Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

Woo!

You're beautiful, Geralyn!

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I haven'tlived my life hard enough.

I've never even gotten a speeding ticket.

But I will not be reduced to alab report or a bad cell type.

[knocking]

Hi, can I talk to you for a second?

Sure.

Come in.

Um, my, uh, job is really important to me.

And I love learning from you,and I love working for you.

And I absolutely hate the ideaof even missing a day here, but I need to take some personal time.

OK.

Oh.

OK.

Um, good.

Thank you.

I have cancer, and I have adouble mastectomy on Friday.

I know I should have told you sooner.

Uh, there's--[clears throat] there's no etiquette book on what to dowhen you get breast cancer.

Sit down.

I understand how you feel.

I know people say that a lot, but, uh, I really know how you feel.

Years ago, I had breast cancer.

And I had a mastectomy.

The goddess had cancer?

Oh my god.

Did I say that out loud?

That's just what I call you in my head.

You are in for the fight of your life.

But Geralyn, you're strong.

I have been telling-- telling complete strangers,but I just don't want to be the office cancer girl.

You didn't choose this.

It happened to you.

And you're going to get rid of it.

Have you ever tried a mantra?

A what?

It's just something you sayto yourself to give you focus.

I tell myself I'm like the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

Air planes can fly through me.

Storms can roll past me.

But I'm still the sky.

It worked for me.

I just want to live and be happy, have a baby, grow really old.

And you will.

How do you know?

Because I'm the goddess.

I need proof.

None of us gets proof.

Proof is in the future.

And the future is not here yet.

Leap of faith.

That's all we can.

[sighs]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Time for a new list.

One, get real breasts removed,and two, shop for new breasts.

This is one accessory you don't skimp on.

This is when you throw down the credit card and say, give me the Jimmy Choo boobs.

Hi, there.

They're not real.

Sorry?

You were looking at my breasts.

They're not real.

Oh, I--

No one can tell.

I can wear backless dressesand spaghetti straps for the first time in my life.

They look great.

I had my breasts andovaries removed two years ago.

Keel is the best boobreconstruction guy in the city.

How long have you had cancer?

Oh, I never had cancer.

But I tested positive for the gene.

You had all of that surgery just in case?

I felt like a walking time bomb.

My grandmother and my motherand two of my aunts had it.

It seemed like it was just a matter of time.

So I took control.

You want to see them?

Oh.

Um, yes.

I show everyone.

Wow.

They look good.

They look great.

They feel natural, too.

You want to feel them?

Oh--

Come on, come on, it's OK.

My husband loves them as much as I do.

Hope he doesn't mind sharing.

Those are reconstructedbreasts following a mastectomy.

It's a book of boob mug shots.

After Dr. Bradley removesthe malignant breast tissue, I insert a special implant called an expander.

Like a place holder boob.

Yeah, exactly.

Where are the nipples?

We put those and the areolaon after the reconstruction is completed.

How?

With tattooing.

Most surgeons tattoo thenipple skin in only one color.

But an areola is not just one color, is it?

No.

No.

I make a Seurat nipple.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Thank godI was forced to take an art history class in college.

I make pointillisticnipples, different shades with dots of color.

I'm very good.

I never realized howdifferent nipples could be.

Yeah, I know.

Mine aren't really brownish.

Actually, they're a lot like hers, only prettier and much less slutty.

I just want ones like the ones I already have.

Oh, of course you do.

Ger, can we see them?

BOTH: Oh.

Oh, god.

They are nice.

They're beautiful.

We're going to take a picture of those.

[snorts] No, I'm nottaking a picture of my boobs.

Yes!

No, no, no, we all will. Absolutely not.

Yeah!

We all will so that we canfinally look back to a time before we had saggy old grandma boobs.

I will never let that happen.

Yes, well, that's what Kendrasaid when she got pregnant, so.

What?

Nothing.

Oh, are there any more cookies?

What?

Uh, well, it's just--

OK, Kendra called.

She's having a baby shower.

And she wanted to knowwhether or not to invite you.

And we just didn't thinkit was a good time to bring up the whole thing 'cause--

So you guys are just going to leave me out of everything because I'm sick?

No, no, no, honey.

Guys, I want kids, butif I have to wait, I will.

I mean, it doesn't mean thatI'm not happy for Kendra.

Well, you're going to have kids.

You have to.

Because if you don't, our kids won't have your kids as bestfriends, and they'll grow up and become drug addicts.

OK, everybody, shirts off!

We are all taking pictures because we are strong women who understand that we are not just sex objects, OK?

We are intelligent,beautiful, creative people!

Who have drunk just enough wine--

GERALYN: No, we have not.

--to take pictures of our boobs.

DONNA: Yes, we have.

GERALYN: We have not drunk enough wine.

Yes, we have. All right.

Start undoing. Start undoing.

[laughter]

ALL: 1, 2, 3!

[laughter]

Oh my god.

It's OK because he's a doctor.

Oh, true!

So it's fine.

Bob's a great surgeon.

Yeah, he's a lousy golfer.

That just means he's a great surgeon because he's in surgery, right?

You'll be fine.

I know.

You know, you made the right decision.

You promise to stay with me?

Oh, well, I have no choice.

I'm completely in love with you.

Yeah, that's why I asked you to marry me, that and the whole other things.

What other things?

So we can have sex in the middle of the day.

We never have sex in the middle of the day.

I know, but we could.

Right before major surgery?

Yeah.

It's going to be great.

And the time after surgeryis going to be even greater.

Guess who?

Surprise!

[laughter]

Ha ha ha.

Surprise.

Oh, we just want to be with you tonight.

Are you surprised, sweetheart?

Come on, let's go upstairs.

MOM: Good night, sweetheart.- Good night.

Love you, too. MOM: Mommy loves you.

What's wrong?

Nothing.

I, uh, called Dr. Crone today.

Today, why?

I read that you could have an egg removed and frozen until you'rewell enough to get pregnant.

What did she say?

That I'd have to take hormones so it would cause the cancer to increase.

So, we'll wait.

If, um, I go into early menopause, then we can still adopt, right?

Well, I don't know.

I mean, did you discuss this with your parents and your friends today?

No.

I haven't even talked to them about it.

I just wanted to considerall of our options.

We're both a little stressed out.

Tomorrow's a big day.

Mm.

You know I'll be right there with you.

Get some sleep.

GERALYN: I am the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

The sky is open and vast and stays unchanged, no matter what happens to it.

I am the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

The sky is open and vast and stays unchanged, no matter what happens to it.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I am notjust a mastectomy right side.

I am a woman in red lipstick.

I'm seizing control of my future.

I am Geralyn Lucas, wife, daughter, friend, and future mother.

I'm going into battle for my life, a battle that I fully intend to win.

And this lipstick is my war paint.

Do you have my mantra?

Got it.

Make sure someone readsit to me while I go under.

I will.

I'm really scared.

I know you are, but you're going to be fine.

I promise.

[inaudible]

How are you doing?

Good morning, Geralyn.

You OK?

[inaudible]

Yes.

[chuckles]

[low conversation]

She's in.

And?

And now we wait.

I'm going to get some coffee.Does anybody--

Do you want one of us to come with you?

No, no, I'm good. I'm good.

Tyler, she's going to be OK, right?

I promise.

You're as worried as we are.

You can't promise--

I'm telling you.

I spoke to her surgeon.

He's very confident.

She's going to be fine.

Oh, thank god.

I'll be back.


GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I suddenly knew why exit signs were invented,for dangerous situations like this one, like fires,like fleeing a building so they can't cut off your breast.

My life was on fire.

I hadn't lived hard enoughyet, and I wanted out of there.

[indistinct shouting]

[thunder]

OK, please.

Can you relax your arm for me, please?

All right.

There you go.

I am the sky.

Nothing can stick to me.

The sky is open and vast and stays unchanged.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: In thesterility of the operating room, I am strong.

In the blood and gauze, I feel like dancing.

Under anesthesia, I am hopeful and maybe a little sexy and slightly in control, just knowing that my lipstick might last.

I am the sky.

I am the sky.

I am the sky.

Is this heaven?

No, girl, you're right here at Mount Sinai.

[chuckles] What I really wantto know is what kind of lipstick is that?

It stayed on through six hours of surgery.

I need to get me some of that.

Come on over.

Honey?

Can you open your eyes?

Am I OK?

Perfect.

Couldn't have gone better.

Your father kissed nurse Kimwhen he, uh, heard the news.

He's a good kisser, too.

If he wasn't already married, I don't know.

I love you.

I love you, too.

Oh, did you feed the dog?

Honey, we don't have a dog.

I know, but I was thinkingthat we should get one.

It's a good idea.

Are you awake?

She's awake.

They're all here.

How are you feeling, honey?

Does it hurt?

DAD: Do you want me to put the TV on?

DONNA: Do you need anything?DAD: Do you want something?

DR. CRONE: Hey.

Hi, Dr. Crone.

I wanted to come and check on you.

Are you managing your pain OK?

Yeah.

I heard things went really well.

You found that lump yourself.

I might've missed it.

I'm lucky.

You're very lucky.

You're young, you're strong.

I still want to have a baby.

Changes in your hormone levelsmight be very dangerous for you at this time.

After the chemo, I probablywon't be able to anyway, right?

Please, don't even try.

[music playing]

Hey, morning.

Hi.

Aw, breakfast in bed.

TYLER: How're you feeling?

Um, happy to be home.

I'm happy to have you home.

I'm just going to change your dressing.

Honey, have you looked?

No.

Dr. Bradley wanted me to, but I can't.

I don't want you to see me like this.

Honey.

Open your eyes.

No.

Open your eyes.

It's OK to look.

Oh my god.

Oh my god, a Frankensteinmonster boob.

Run-- run while you can.

Run.

I'm going to change the dressings.

And then--

And then you can leave and never look back.

No one will blame you.

No one, but I want to keep the dog.

Then, can we make love?

With me?

Well, yeah, you're mygirl, and you're beautiful.

And I need you to know that, so.

Can you get me my lipstick?

Yeah.

Yeah.

I don't want to hurt you.

You're not.

You OK?

Uh-huh.

I love you.

I love you, too.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: My newchest was making its debut.

Between the expander booband some clever padding, I could pull off somepretty impressive cleavage.

Is this the chemo room?

Mrs. Lucas.

Yes.

I'm Stella.

We've got everything set up for you.

Just make yourself comfortable.

This is the CMF cocktailyour doctor ordered for you.

MONEISHA: Virgin?

What?

I mean first time.

Yes.

Well, it shouldn't be so bad.

You have your sister here with you.

Oh, she's-- she's my mother.

I know.

Just said that in case she has some chocolate.

[laughs] Matter of fact, I do.

I'll bring more.

Thank you.

Let me tell you something, baby girl.

The best thing about having cancer, it's a get out of jail free card.

It's like, I can't pick youup at the airport tonight.

I have cancer.

I can't watch your cat.

I have cancer.

Moneisha, please.

Sorry, Ms. Thing.

I have cancer.

NURSE: I'll start your trip now.

Thank you.

You know, I was lying down back there, and I was worrying about myself.

And then I saw you.

What are you, in your 20s?

Yes.

Oh, unbelievably tragic.

You see, at my age, youexpect something like this, but well, anyway, thank youfor making me feel better.

Goodbye, Mrs. Jackson.

[music playing]

Taxi.

Taxi.

Darling, let me do it.

Taxi!

Darling, are you sure you're OK?

I can take you home, stay overnight, take the morning train to Philly.

I'm feeling fine.

Really, I am.

I love you.

You don't feel sick?

I feel fine.

They told me that somepeople don't even get sick.

[vomiting]

Yuck.

[vomiting]

Hi.

[applause]

CO-WORKERS: Surprise!

Guys, thank you so much.

Welcome back, Geralyn.

You look great.

I'm so glad you're back.

Thank you so much.

Now get out of here.

No, I'm fine.

Really, I'm--

Even Superman took a breakwhen he encountered kryptonite.

You go home, you take it easy.

We'll still think of you as Supergirl, I promise.

I need to be here.

I feel normal.

Please don't make me go home.

Eat some cake?

Mm, this chocolate sure does cover up that metallic chemo taste.

Whew.

Everything that I've been eating tastes like a rusty nail, Moneisha.

Moneisha is not my real name.

That's my porno name.

My real name is Monica.

You're in porn?

No.

But everybody should havea porno name just in case.

You see, I took the name of my first pet, the street I grew up on.

I put them together.

Moneisha Alpine.

What's yours?

Bootsy Blanch.

Oh!

MONICA: Oh, I like that.

What's yours?

Oh, uh, Pepper Oregon.

Italy Lacont.

Fido Topeka.

[vomiting]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Tyler andI discovered a whole new idea of what romance is.

It's pulling back your wife'sthinning hair while she pukes so hard she shivers to death.

I'm OK.

Is she OK?

Yeah, I tried giving herginger and mango because I read that it helped some people.

She's making her sicker.

And I've talked to every person I could possibly get in touch with, and no one has any new answers.

And I don't know what's coming next.

And I feel helpless.

You're doing everything you can.

No, see, I can't do anything to help her.

And I'm-- I'm-- what kindof doctor does that make me?

Forget what kind of doctor you are.

Think what kind of husband you are.

The two of you will bestronger because of this.

Thank you.

Tyler, I know it's been hardhaving us around all the time.

But we don't know any other way to be.

[groaning]

Hey.

I'm so cold.

Oh, I know.

I mean, that's the drugs.

Please don't go in today.

I have to. TYLER: No.

No, you don't. I do have to.

No, listen.

Hey.

Most people going throughchemo, they stay home.

They try to recover.

What are you trying to prove?

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Hearing my black pumps click against the hospitalfloor makes me feel hopeful.

I need to reclaim myself by being daring.

The more my hair falls out,the shorter my skirts will get.

Living with risk has made me risque.

I never thought a shampoocommercial could make me cry.

Last night, I was drooling over the one where that woman whips herhair back in slow motion, and then they kind of freezewhen she flips it back.

Honey, that's just hair porn.

Everything's going to make you cry.

And you're going to feel very, very frightened.

I'm terrified all the time.

And Tyler says that I should stop worrying like I've beaten this thing.

My family, I simply wore them out.

And the doctors gave me three months to live.

That was over two years ago.

Today I feel good.

Today is all that matters.

I'm going to be fly until I die.

I'm going to win mybling-bling and everything.

You're not afraid to die?

Have you ever been to Disneyland?

Yeah.

Oh my goodness.

I stood in that long line,and I realized something scared me more than death-- reincarnation.

Really?

There was absolutely no one in that line I wanted to come back as.

[laughs] [snorts]

I find peace in knowing the truth about God.

She's a selfish son of a gun.

Eventually, she wants us all back.

MAN: Can you hold the elevator?

Hold it!

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Please don't throw up.

Please don't throw up.

It's good to see you, Gail.

Thank you so much for the flowers.

They were so beautiful.

And you're so very welcome.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Pleasedon't throw up on Victor.

Please don't throw up on Victor.

A major achievement-- Ididn't throw up on Victor.

It's good to have you back, Geralyn.

Thank you.

[vomiting]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Idid, however, hit my shoes.

[flushing]

Taxi.

Please.

Don't whistle.

I don't think you're that cute either.

I will never ever make funof men's comb overs again.

You still look great.

Liar.

Every time the wind blows, I panic.

Today's chemo, are you coming?

Uh, I'm in surgery until 3:00, so I'll see if I can make it after.

It feels like two ships passing in the night.

You know what?

I'll be there this afternoon,and then if you're up for it, we'll grab a bite.

A date?

Yeah, a date.

I've already locatedthe port in your expander and it's filling with saline right now.

I'll continue to fill it with saline every two weeks to stretchyour skin and muscle until we reach the right size.

Later, we'll replace the expander with a permanent implant.

Oh, god is it supposed to hurt this much?

I know it's uncomfortable.

Uncomfortable.

Can skin actually burst?

Not typically, it just feels like it.

OK, if it's going to hurt this much, then I'd better stop traffic.

Make them huge.

What did you have in mind?

Give me Pamela Anderson breasts.

Well, we have to be carefulbecause you're a small frame.

What is she, a 34B?

Probably at birth.

[MUSIC - EVA CASSIDY, "FIELDS OF GOLD"]

[SINGING] You'll remember mewhen the west wind moves--

Dr. Lucas, Geralyn andthe gang left an hour ago.

Oh.

Oh, I must have the time wrong.

[SINGING] You can tellthe sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold.

[indistinct chatter]

Hey, guys.

Oh, hi, Tyler.

Hey, Tyler.

We're making pizza. We're making pizza.

What kind do you want? Hi.

Oh, hey.

Um, I'm feeling a little sleepy.

I think I'm going to crash.

You OK?

Yeah, why wouldn't I be OK?

Tyler.

Um, I, uh--

I came by your chemo appointment today.

You and the gang had already left.

Oh, I rescheduled to earlier.

I'm so sorry.

I didn't think that you'd come.

Well, honey, I told you I was going to be there.

Sweetie, you've said that before.

Are you sure you want to be alone?

You should try it sometime.

[SINGING] So she took her love for to gaze awhile among the fields of barley.

In his arms she fell as her hair came down among the fields of gold.

Will you stay with me?

Will you be my love amongthe fields of barley?

And you can tell the sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold.

You'll remember me when the west wind moves among the fields of barley.

You can tell the sun in his jealous sky when we walked in fields of gold.

When we walked in fields of gold.

[water running]

Hey Geralyn.

Oh, hey.

Um, listen, I think I'mgoing to be late tonight.

I'm going out to dinner withsome of the other doctors from work.

OK.

You don't mind, do you?

Um, no, I-- maybe we could have dinner on Friday night.

Friday. Yeah, Friday.

Oh, you know what?

I think I have a late surgery that night.

Tell you what, let's play by ear.

Sure.

[music playing]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Thesaline injections were doing their job, but it's funny the things the doctor forgets to tell you.

SHOP CLERK: Honey, you need some help?

Uh, no, thank you.

I'm-- actually, yes.

I'm lopsided.

SHOP CLERK: The whole worldis lopsided sometimes.

It's up to each one of usto find our inner balance.

Forget about inner balance.

I need to find my inner cleavage.

[upbeat music]

If I saw you on the street,I'd buy you a fur coat.

[interposing voices]

Can I help you?

I hope so.

Do my hips look big in this hat?

Ugh, not at all.

Queens from Queens.

Are you here for a cut?

Um, no.

Actually, I started chemo.

And I started releasing,and um, I just need a wig.

I have just what you need.

Really?

I promise you'll be gorgeous,even more gorgeous than them.

Because she won't have to cover a beard.

Come on.

[music playing]

[laughter]

Bea Arthur or Estelle Getty?

I feel like a fraud.

Then go for the real thing.

[laughter]

Ta-da!

[inaudible] sugar.

It's what's in here that counts.

Anyone who can't see how beautiful you are ain't worth your time.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Go figure.

The Queen of Hearts was from Queens.

And yet another angel that Ineed to meet crosses my path.

[MUSIC - JOSHUA RADIN, "THESE PHOTOGRAPHS"]

[SINGING] I hand you a robe and so it goes.

The moment had passed.

You're Simone de Beauvoiras you get out the car.

The way you read me no one can see me.

It's who you are.

These photographs keep me alive.

Babe, here's your song.

Babe, it took too long to findin your eyes my best surprise.

You're Nina Simone when you talk on the phone.

You sing to me, and I'm truly no longer alone.

You're Mary Cassatt whenpeople tell you you're not.

Babe, here's your song.

Babe, it took too long to findin your eyes my best surprise.

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: Do youwear your hat all the time?

Can't get a date?

If you are ashamed of a recedinghairline, thinning hair, or baldness, then the hairglove for men is for you.

Hey, honey.

How are you feeling?

ANNOUNCER [ON TV]: --thelatest treatments for baldness.

These poor men.

What's wrong?

There's so muchsuffering over hair loss.

There is definite discrimination against the follically challenged.

Honey, that's a little nuts.

Oh, it's easy for you to say, you with your fancy head of hair.

You made dinner?

Yeah, it's Friday night.

We had a date.

Honey, I said we should play it by here.

I had surgery until late.

Besides, I figured you'd go outwith your friends after chemo.

Oh, I, um--

I misunderstood.

TYLER: How was chemo today?

The usual.

Got poisoned, came home, threw up.

Sorry I missed it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Everyone comes every week, except you.

Yeah, exactly.

Everyone comes.

Why do you need me there?

Because they're not you.

I need you, too.

It just doesn't feel that way to me.

So, you're mad at me becauseI have people who care about me?

I mean, do you-- do you want to me to make me pick between them and you?

Or maybe you want me to suffer alone?

I do.

It sure didn't seem like that the other day.

Excuse me? Nothing.

TYLER: No, no, what-- what-- what did you say?

What did you say?

I came by the hospitalto see you the other day, and you were talking to some girl.

Girl, what?

What girl?

You seemed pretty involved,so I didn't want to bother you.

You came all the way down to the hospital, and you didn't come talk to me?

You seemed kind of busy, justlike you were busy tonight.

I can't believe you're saying that.

You know, I don't care somuch that you're accusing me of, I think, being unfaithful to you, but um, it's that youwaited to ask me about it.

Geralyn, you're not theonly one who's suffering.

The only difference is I don'tneed a marching band to follow me around everywhere I go.

[loud thud]

Tyler?

TYLER: Uh-huh, yeah.

You OK?

Fine.

I'm OK, I'm OK.

Sweetie.

Good.

You don't need me.

What?

That's why I don't come toyour treatments because I--

I-- it's my fault. I gave you cancer.

What?

When I did my breast cancer rotation, I told you about that girl who died, and then I put that in your head.

Tyler.

I'm a little sick.

Use my knee pillow.

[thuds]

TYLER: Ow.

Damn it.

Oh my god.

Aw, sweetie.

It's fine.

It's fine.

Thanks.

Now we both have scars.

Except yours-- yours is for bravery.

Mine is being an idiot.

I get it now.

I know how you feel.

Like a moron?

I wish they were stitching up my head.

I wish that I was the one who had cancer.

Don't.

What?

I look like a cue ball.

All I see is my wife, mycourageous, my beautiful wife.

And I am so proud to be your husband.

Come on.

So, you gave me cancer bytelling me about that girl that you treated?

No, I--

I just-- I told you all about it.

I know how impressionable you are.

I was wrecked by it, and Iwas just laying it all on you.

You don't believe in religion or faith, and you make fun of me becauseI won't walk under a ladder and I read my horoscopes.

But this, you believe that you unconsciously gave me cancer by conversation?

Telling me about that woman you treated, making it so real for me, and that's what made me think it could happen to me.

That's why I did self exams.

You telling me about that girlmight be what saved my life.

Let's go home.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I must'vebeen feeling the guilt gene because when a women's magazineasked if I'd be willing to have my breasts photographed inorder to encourage others who'd had mastectomies, I said yes.

I'll tell her.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Butfirst, I had to get a nipple.

Honey, that was Dr. Keel's office.

You're late for your appointment.

I don't want to go.

TYLER: Do you want me to go with you?

[sighs] No.

I'm having nipple ambivalence.

Who am I doing this for?

Am I doing it for you or for me?

Because we're actually bothgoing to know that it's fake, so am I doing it to be likean average two nippled woman or so I can look normal changingin a women's locker room?

Maybe it's so I can prancearound a topless beach.

Well, you know--

Tyler, but nipples are so in right now.

They're like a must have accessory.

OK, look, women are wearing these white, sheer, little, thin shirts--

Honey, honey, honey.

GERALYN: No bra.

Honey, it's your breast.

So no matter what you do, I promise to honor and cherish it.

But let-- let-- let's justbe clear about one thing.

Under no circumstances are you ever going to be average or normal.

[laughs]

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I wasso sick of wearing my heart on my sleeve that I decidedto have it prominently etched on my boob instead.

Hey.

Hey.

I saw you walking around.

I thought you might be lost.

Caught.

Um, I was actually wondering,can you do a tattoo on a breast reconstruction?

Sure.

We do it all the time, actually.

There's 10 layers of skin soyou actually get to the implant.

We only have to go three deep, so.

Really?

Yeah.

Cancer?

Um, yes.

Yeah.

My grandmother had cancer when she was 40, and she lived till she was 85.

You kind of look like you're actually good.

Come on in.

Another angel.

So, um, I don't want to get a nipple tattoo.

Good.

They're so yesterday.

[laughs]

You're not going to get a man's name, are you?

No, why?

Because I have to remind you that Johnny Depp had to change his Winonaforever tattoo to Wino forever.

[laughter]

OK.

Have a seat.

No man's name.

No man's name.

Um, so I want a heartto remind me of my courage and the courage of everyone around me.

And I just want it atthe lower end of my scar.

And, um, I want wings at the top to remind me of all the angels who showed me that I would get my life back.

Nice.

Would you like to show me where you'd like it?

Um.

That's OK.

My husband is the only onewho has ever seen me like this.

It's right here.

You're a very foxy lady.

[laughs] No, I'm not.

Oh, you are.

Your husband's a very lucky man.

Why did I agree to do this?

For all the women who were scared like you.

Well, what if they're not inspired when they look at the pictureand they're grossed out?

That'll never happen.

I've never liked even one single picture I've ever taken of myself.

And I've got a weird smile and a round face, and I've got a snaggle tooth.

And my eyes are not-- what?

That's all true.

And it's good to hear youcomplain about that stuff again.

But you are beautiful.

Go.

[upbeat music]

Hi, I'm Geralyn Lucas.

"Self Magazine" sent me over here to have pictures taken fortheir breast cancer article.

Hair and makeup, they're ready for you.

Great.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Maybethis is why women pose topless.

Can I grab a cookie? They're ready for you.

Yes.

OK.

Hi, I'm Geralyn.

Um, I just washed my hair, but I didn't do anything to it because they told me that you guys were going to--

Don't touch her hair.

I love it like that.

Hi, I'm Geralyn.

Nice to meet you.

Come along.

Stand on that mark.

Right here?

Take your shirt off.

What?

Take your shirt off.

Usually, I make someone buy me dinner for that.

Um, I don't have hair and makeup yet.

Now.

Can I, uh, at least justhave some red lipstick?

Please?

It gives me courage.

Sure.

Red lipstick!

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I shouldhave used Tyler's deodorant because it's a clear stickto avoid the deodorant lines in my topless photo.

Can they airbrush out deodorant lines?

Can they airbrush in a nipple?

I need something to center me here.

I need to lick the beeswaxand taste the courage.

I'm sorry.

I'm-- I'm having second thoughts.

I, uh--

I promise you.

This is going to be tasteful, and you're going to look beautiful.

Yes.

And your bra.

Yes.

Turn.

OK.

Now, drop your arms.

Oh, I was thinking maybethat I could, um, like, drape an arm fold my arms acrossmy chest so that you saw it and turn it maybe a little so you could see the tattoo and, um,a bit of the scar, but not--

No.

Everyone will wonder what you're hiding.

Oh, I'm not hiding.

I just--

You're beautiful.


I'm so sorry.

Um, I can't do this.

I-- I-- please don't let them publish it.

Just, like, rip it up or burn it.

I will pay for your session.

It's just when I agreed to the magazine, I thought I was going to be able to cover more.

You look so strong.

Look at yourself.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I don't recognize myself.

I see my eyes and a depththat I've never seen before.

I see a journey.

I set out to inspire other womenthat they could be beautiful, and I ended up convincing myself.

I was robbed of my innocence,my life, my future, of an actual piece of me.

I decided I would steal it all back.

My scar looks like a skidmark where I hit the brakes and came so close to death.

The photographer has capturedsomething so honest and raw, it is unfamiliar.

Now, where there was a huge defect, I was the most beautiful.

I finally found my inner cleavage.

Geralyn, you want to try and win the lottery?

I already have.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: Noone is guaranteed a future.

Moneisha taught me to hold ontotoday and let go of tomorrow.

I lost Moneisha and too many friends to worry about what will be.

I no longer make lists.

I just put one foot in front of the other, and I look for theangels who walk among us.

Ow!

One more.

It hurts.

One more. One big one.

I can't.

One more.

One more.

Ow!

[baby crying]

My little Sky [inaudible].

Oh, your daddy and I have been waiting such a long time for you.

GERALYN [VOICEOVER]: I want to live to watch Sky wear red lipstick one day.

I want her to be one of those women.

I'll tell her she deserves to be.

[music playing]