Wiener-Dog (2016) Script


Remi, look!

I got you a surprise.


Now who's gonna walk it?

I'll walk it.

And Remi will pitch in, too.

You don't have to if you don't want to.

Damn right I don't have to.

But tell me who's going to clean up after it shits all over the living room floor.

Remi understands. He's not a little kid.

He's a fucking survivor!

His hair is all grown back.

The doctor said it would be fine as long as he keeps up with the blood work.

And now he's got all summer to learn how to housebreak it.

It's gonna be good for him.

Fucking asshole.

Shh. It's okay.

It's okay, Wiener-Dog.

I'm here.


Heel! Heel!

Heel! Goddamn it!


Motherfucker! Heel.

Heel, motherfucker. Heel, motherfucker.

Hey, Dad, when do you think we can let Wiener-Dog out of her cage?

When she's housebroken.

Why do people say "housebroken"?


Remi, you have to break a dog, break their will, so that they'll submit to your will.

It's a kind of civilizing.

So they act like humans.

You mean so they go to the bathroom outside instead of inside?


But when you break a will, well...

What is a will exactly, anyway?

It's character.

Force of character.

It's the thing that makes you you.

Hey, Remi, it's time!

We have to go the vet!

Mom? Yes, honey?

What's "spaying" mean?

It just means, this way, we don't have to worry about the dog getting pregnant.

What do they do to her?

Really, it's nothing. She won't know any different.

Does it hurt?

No, really, it happens so fast, she won't even know what happened.

But what do they do to her?

You know, honey, I'm really not sure.

I mean, all dogs get this done.

Really, it's like going to the dentist and having your teeth cleaned.

No big deal.

But what if Wiener-Dog wants to have puppies.

She won't. Believe me, that's a total myth.

But what if Wiener-Dog's different?

Honey, she's not.

She's not like you and me.

She doesn't think this way.

She doesn't think. I mean, she's just a dog.

But she has feelings.

Oh, sweetheart, I know, and you're right.

But with a dog, things are different.

A dog is not human.

It's an animal.

They look to us for guidance.

Without us, they wouldn't even be here.

What do you mean?

Nature doesn't care about them.

It's sad but true.

We're dog's only friend.

Can I watch?

No, definitely not.

The doctor has to be able to concentrate.

I won't say anything.

I'm sorry, Remi, but it's just not allowed.

But Wiener-Dog will be scared.

I know she'll want to hold my hand.

Wiener-Dog will be fine. Really.

But if you're there with her, you'll bring in germs with you.

It would be just like when during intensification, remember, all the nausea and then all sorts of complications could start up... Serious complications.

Like what?

She could die.

All right, then.

Run! Run, Wiener-Dog, run!

Run, run!




Well, I don't think there'll be any barking tonight.

Way to go.

Hi, honey.



You know, when I was a little girl in France, we had a little dog also... A poodle.

My mother found her at the animal shelter, and she decided to take her in because she was so cute and cuddly and sweet and funny.

We named her Croissant because she loved croissants so much.

But then, a few months after she moved in, she suddenly started getting a little tired, like she was depressed.

All her happy spirit seemed to have vanished.

And that's when we found out she was pregnant.

Who was the father?

Well, turns out... she was raped.

What do you mean?

Well, it was a stray dog in the woods.

He was called Muhammad.

Hair all matted and scratched up, all oily and ugly...

The kind of dog that growled and snarled, the kind of dog that has rabies or ticks or even worse.

Like what?

Like possibly... a venereal disease.

You mean like...


Anyway, at the end, Croissant became very sick.

All her hair started falling out, her teeth.

Oh, it was too horrible.

And then when she gave birth, she was in so much pain.

We gave her as many painkillers as we could, but she wouldn't stop whimpering.

And then she died.

What about her puppies?


If only she had been spayed.

Poor Croissant. Yeah.

What happened to Muhammad?

Oh, Remi. What?

Well, it went on raping... raping.

Supposedly even squirrels were victimized.

Until one day, it was shot dead.

They say it was skinned and turned into a purse.

Were the squirrels spayed?


Dina?! Coming.

I'll get the car. We're gonna be late.

You sure you don't want to come join us at yoga?


Would you rather we stay home?

No, it's okay. You go.

You need to do your body maintenance.

Oh, honey, are you sure?

I just want to stay with Wiener-Dog.

I understand.

Do you have enough granola bars?

Okay. We'll be back before lunch.

They're gone!


What's the matter?

Are you hungry?

Want my granola bar, hmm?


Oh, God. Fuck.


You see this? No!

No diarrhea! No!


What did you give her?! What?!

Some granola bars.

Granola bars is not dog food.

It's food for humans, and dogs are not human!

But I thought granola was healthy.

Granola is poison! Christ, the dog can't digest!

Oh, shit!

Oh, shit!

Mom? Yes, honey?

What's it like to be put to sleep?

It feels good. Like forgetting everything.

I'll never forget Wiener-Dog.

Maybe when you're older.

No. Never.

Did Dad watch her die?

No. They would never allow that.

So she was alone.

No, the vet was with her.

Where do you think they buried her?

I don't know.

Actually, she was probably cremated.

What's cremated?

Sort of like put in an oven.

Honey, death is a sad thing, but it's a natural thing.

And sometimes it happens without any reason at all.

Well, what about God?

We don't believe in God.

Well, what do we believe in?

Truth, compassion, love.

We're all going to die.

That's why we have each other.

That's why we love each other.

Then death is... a good thing?

Yeah? All right, hold on.

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo doo ♪

♪ Doo dee ♪

Doo Dee?

Howdy, Doo Dee.

Hey, Wiener dog.

Brandon McCarthy? How's it going?

Wo... Wow!

Yeah, wow.

What are you doing here?

Not much. Passing through.


You look pretty good.


You do, too.

Weird. Yeah, I know.

I actually tried looking you up on Facebook once.

Oh, yeah? Why?

I don't know. I was just surfing around and...

I don't know. Your name.

I mean, I've tried looking up other people, too.

Like who?

Remember Ralphie?


He used to hang out with me in, like, seventh grade.

Oh, is he like gay pride or something?



You used to pick on him a lot. Really?

Yeah, like all the time. Hmm.

You even beat him up once.

You smashed his head against the sidewalk.


It's funny how none of that shit sticks.


Well, um... Maybe, uh...

So, uh, do you want to exchange e-mails or...

I don't know, maybe catch up?

We're kind of caught up now.


I'm sorry, but, like, I'm really just passing through.

That's okay. Totally cool.

Well, take care.

Take care!

Hey. There you go. There you go.

Good. Yeah.

Hey there, little meaner.

Her name is Doo Dee.

You mean, like, shit?

I got her a week or so ago.

She was sick, but now she's much better.

She likes you.

Yeah, dogs like me.

She looks like you.


I'm going to Ohio tomorrow.

I leave early.

You want to come along?

What's in Ohio?

Crystal meth.


Joke. Yeah.

I-I-I know.

I miss nothing here.


♪ Doo Dee

♪ Doo Dee ♪

♪ Doo ♪

♪ Dee, Doo Dee ♪

You wait here.

Who was that?


You like it here in America?

No. We prefer Mexico.

But isn't it very dangerous there now?

I mean, with the drug violence?

Yes, but not so lonely.

In America, so lonely.

And sad.

And depressing.

Like a big, fat elephant drowning in a sea of despair.

Sometimes it's just too hard to lose weight and to give up.

♪ Doo Dee ♪

♪ Doo Dee ♪

♪ Doo ♪

♪ Dee, Doo Dee ♪ Wait here.

Well, it certainly was nice to meet all of you.

Adiós. Adiós.

Good luck finding a job.

♪ Doo Dee ♪

♪ Doo Dee ♪

♪ Doo ♪

♪ Dee, Doo Dee ♪

♪ Doo ♪

Come on.

Where are we? My brother's.

Brandon?! Hey, Tommy!

Hi, I'm Dawn. Hi.

Hey, look, April!

Coming! It's a wiener dog!

Oh. Her name is Doo Dee.

You mean, like doody doody?

Hey, I love Doo Dee.


Mmm! These hot dogs are really good.


We have them every night for supper.

With hot dog rolls! Mmm!

Can I give her a hot dog?

Wiener dogs love hot dogs.

Well, she has kind of a sensitive stomach.

Does she get diarrhea a lot?


Go ahead.

Go ahead, April.

♪ Doo Doo ♪

♪ Doo ♪

♪ Dee, Doo Dee, Doo ♪

♪ Doo doo doo dee doo ♪

♪ Dee dee doo dee doo doo doo ♪

♪ Dee doo ♪ Say, April.

It's a beautiful day outside.

Would you like to go for a walk?

What for?

I just thought it would be nice if we could talk.

Yeah. I like talking.

Me, too.

What should we talk about?

I'm really glad we're getting to have this one-on-one time, kind of... girls only, you know?

'Cause I wanted us to get the chance to bond and talk about things.

Tommy, Brandon.

The way sometimes he just doesn't get me, you know?

And then his elusiveness and intractability.



Why are you stopping, April?

Can we go back inside?

Oh, already?

I want to go home.

Did I say something wrong?

Heads up, bitch.

I win, I win, I win!

Yeah! Let's play again!

Uh, okay.

Okay, but let's take a little break first.

How long?

10 minutes. Five minutes.

Okay, five minutes.

Five minutes. Five minutes.

And then we play again. And then we'll play again.

Five minutes.

Uh, come on, let's go outside.




You know how Dad had a drinking problem?

Yeah. But he worked real hard.

Now he doesn't drink anymore.

But then he started drinking again.

He did? Yeah.

But he told me he stopped.

He stopped... and then he started again.


He couldn't help himself.

But he told me he stopped.

The drinking made Dad very sick.

I know.

That's why he stopped.

He died, Tommy.


I spoke to him last week.

He spoke to you, and then he died.


He drank too much.

But he told me he stopped.

He did.

And then he started again, and he got sick and died.

But he told me he stopped.

I went looking for Dad's family.

Tracked them down. I thought we were his family.

He has a brother and a sister.

But we're his family.

You're right, we're his family.

He has no brother and sister.

You're right, they were just... names.

He had no brother and sister.

You're right.

So... he died?

Did you stop doing drugs?


Promise? Yes.

And you won't start doing them again.




No more drugs?

No more drugs.



♪ Dee doo ♪

Well... we got to hit the road.


She should stay here.

She belongs here.


I always wanted a leash.

Oh. Oh.


I was wondering... what happens if April gets pregnant?

Won't happen. Tubes tied.


And your brother?

He was taken care of also.

My dad didn't want to take any chances.

Doo Dee will feel at home.



Where do we go from here?

See where we are when we run out of gas.

And then?

♪ Now long ago ♪

♪ This land was just a-waiting to be found ♪

♪ No one's eyes had seen the vistas ♪

♪ And no feet had touched the ground ♪

♪ The eagle and the sparrow ♪

♪ Were the only ones who'd seen ♪

♪ The purple of the mountains ♪

♪ And the valleys lush and green ♪

♪ But on wagon and on foot ♪

♪ The pioneers began to roam ♪

♪ Crossing mountains, forging rivers ♪

♪ On the quest to find a home ♪

♪ They all had band together ♪

♪ Ah, but legends walk alone ♪

♪ On the trail for something better ♪

♪ And a place to call their own ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ She soldiers on where angels fear to tread ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ Just looking for some shelter ♪

♪ And a place to rest her head ♪

See, at first, I really wanted to get the Green Hornet and the Green Lantern together in a movie.

It's never been done.

Yeah, it's too complicated and expensive with the rights.

Marvel is extremely guarded about its trademarks.

So, instead, I thought I'd come up with my own original superheroes, get the copyrighted, and go to work.

I mean, has a film student ever done that for a short film?

I don't think so. And then...

I could create original villains, as well.

For instance, there's...

There's Sticky Fingers.

I really like that name.

And, remember, this is all extremely confidential, please.

So Sticky Fingers has this power where anything he touches sticks to his fingers.

It makes it really easy for him to rob people without their realizing it.

Like there's a special type of gum at the end of each finger that can pick up money or merchandise.

Anyway, the police force is at wit's end, the mayor of the city.

Sticky Fingers is on the front page of every paper.

But then um, uh...

Well, this is where I have trouble.

I mean, where do I go from here?

I know how you're always saying about the story, "what if," "then what?"

But that's what I don't know the answer to.

What do you think Sticky Fingers should do?

Hey, Professor Schmerz. Have a great weekend!

Trey Silver's office.

Hi. This is Dave Schmerz.

I was just wondering if you had any idea of when Trey might get around to looking at the screenplay I sent back in November.

It was a new draft.

Oh, Dave, I'm so sorry.

Did... Did Trey not get back to you?

No, not yet.

I sent him a bunch of e-mails, but I haven't had any reply.

Well, he's been, like, crazy busy these last few weeks.

The whole agency's doing this radical reshuffle.

Oh, wait, I think he's just wrapping up his FaceTime.

Let me see if I can pull some magic.

Oh. It looks like he just hopped on another conference call.

What's the best number I can have him reach you at?

My cell will be fine. Great.

Then I'll let him know you called as soon as he gets off.


Bear with me.

Okay, then.

So... how are you doing?

Great. Great!


Would you like something to drink?

Bottled water? Oh, thanks.

Thanks, I'm good.


So, tell us... why do you want to be a filmmaker?

Well, I've just always wanted to be a filmmaker.

Ever since, really, my whole life.

Well, that's great.

Yes, but... why?

Well, I just feel I have so much to say.

Like what?

What do you have to say?

Well, just everything.

I mean, movies have always been so inspiring to me.

But tell me, what movies have inspired you?

What movie or movies made you want to become a filmmaker?

Oh, gee.

Well, really, there are just so many.

I mean, you name it.

Like, all... all kinds.

Name one, for example. Oh, God.

That is such a good question.

And, I mean, it's really hard, you know, because there are so many that are just so great.

What movies have you seen in the past few weeks or months?

Have you liked any of them in particular?

The past few weeks?


Any movie that you saw over the last year and that you really liked.

Or made an impression.

Yeah, I know this is like a trick question, you know, but there really are so many that I... I just can't keep track.

Please, just name a movie.

Any movie.

Excuse me.

I have to take this.

Hello, Schmerz here.

I've got Trey Silver for you.

How you doing? Great!


Listen, I have big news.

It's gonna sound like bad news at first, but I promise you it's good news in the end.


I'm leaving the agency, and I'm moving over to Universal to be VP of production.

I feel super sad about leaving you, but it's gonna be so much better for you in the end because I'll be in a much stronger position to help move your projects forward.

Have you gotten to read my script yet?

No, but I wanted to be totally focused on where I was first instead of giving it a sloppy read while I'm in the middle of a major job switch and the phone is ringing off the hook and I've got, like, 5,000 e-mails and Variety... Yada, yada, yada.

So when do you think you'll get around to reading it?

First, I want to hand you over to Carol Steinhardt.

She's super excited about taking over as your agent, provided you feel cool about that.

She's hot, she's young, she's smart...

Straight out of Harvard.

She's a major up-and-comer.

You're gonna totally click.

So Carol's gonna read it first?

Right now I think that's your best move.

Speaking off the record as your friend.

I'm gonna tell her to give you a call as soon as we hang up.

Er, wait. Kara?

I'm here, yes.

See if you can get Carol Steinhardt right now.

Oh, okay.

Really this is the best thing that could ever have happened to you.

I'm, like, so happy for you.

She's on a conference call. Oh, okay, listen.

It's all gonna work out great.

Promise. Now I got to run.

But I'll talk to you soon, my friend.

You need to exercise.

I walk my dog.


I can't.

Work out.

Lose weight.

I can't.

You're a ticking time bomb.


Hi, is this Dave Schmerz? Yes.

Please hold. I have Carol Steinhardt for you.

So nice to connect with you at last, Dave.

Things have been, like, so crazy here at the agency.

But, tell me, how are you doing?

Well, I don't have cancer.

Oh, gee!

Trey warned me about you.

So how are things going? Oh, my God.

You can't... Okay, well, listen now.

Are you sitting down?


I slipped a copy of your script over to DreamWorks.


So when do you think they'll read it by?

I should know by Monday. I mean, really, they are desperate for new material.

Uh, did you read it? Dave, are you kidding me?

Oh, my God, it's genius!


I'm telling you, the script is going to be a game changer for you.

Oh, gee!

Because I was really worried about the third act where DooBee disguises himself as his mother-in-law and the Mafia chases him and then suddenly...

List... Oh, listen, Dave, honey, that's DreamWorks on the other line.

I'm gonna have to jump onto that. Talk soon!



Thanks for dropping by.

I got a message you wanted me to come talk with you.

Come sit down.

Don't worry, it's really nothing so serious.

Can I get you something to drink?

Coffee? No, I'm good.


So... how are things going with your screenplay?

Things are happening.



Oh, I'm sorry that I had to drop out of that interview last week, the student.

Nah. I understood.

Totally cool.

Things are happening.

I get it.

Listen... we have a surprise director coming this evening for the Director Series, and I know you're not required to show up for these things, but I'd really like it if you did, as a favor.

I really need a good turnout.

Oh, I can show up.

That's what you want?

Fill a seat?

Thanks, Dave.

Is that all?

Actually... there is something else.

I've gotten a few reports, e-mails from some faculty, some students.


They're not happy with your performance here.

What did I do wrong?

You didn't do anything wrong.

It's just... the general consensus is... you're a little too negative.

General consensus?

Well, not everyone's complaining.

It's... just there are always a few... complainers.

So they're being negative about me?

Look, Dave, I'm talking to you as your friend.

I know you're a great teacher here.

I helped push to keep you full time.

"Celebrity Schmelebrity" is a terrific script.

It's a piece of shit.

I tried to do something good.

It's... something...

Get into my childhood.

Get into some...

Something real.

Real stuff.




But I wanted it to be funny.

I wanted people to like it.

I wanted it to sell.

So I threw in the mixed-up identities...

I threw in the sex jokes.

The Mafia.

A little schtick.

Everyone loves a little schtick.

You're not tenured.

This is a new administration.

Shapiro's out.

Brenner's gone. Wienstein's gone.

Horrowitz and Mandell, gone.

There's only so much I can do if you don't put forth a more positive attitude.

Show people that you really care.

Show people.

Thank you, thank you.

Thank you. Oh.

The students and faculty are all so delighted to have you with us today.

As an alumnus, you serve as a real-life inspiration.

You've shown how it is, in fact, possible to achieve success after film school.


But really all I did was make a movie.

One movie. Luck is such a big factor.

Yes, but talent doesn't hurt.

Well... Tell me, how do you feel about your film school experience?

I mean, how did it prepare you for the real world?

Nothing can prepare you for the real world.

Yes, but what would you advise the students here today who want to make movies, be like you?

My advice?

Drop out.

Drop out and make a movie.

You learn by doing.

Class time is a waste.

But, really, are you saying you learned nothing here?

Maybe some storytelling techniques, screenwriting approaches?

What if? Then what?

I mean, no offense, but...


Is Schmerz still teaching here?

You have reached the office of Carol Steinhardt.

Our office hours are Monday through Friday, 9:00 AM to 6:00 PM.

Please leave a message telling us your name, phone number, and purpose for calling at the sound of the beep.

Thank you.

Carol... it's Dave Schmerz.

I love you.

Go on, I'm listening.

Well, the thing is I just don't understand why I can't write a script about identity.

What about identity?

I mean, identity in terms of gender.

Its fluidity.

I've been wanting to apply '90s queer theory from a race perspective, as well, but after reading "Epistemology of the Closet,"

I'm just not sure how to go about the problem of cohesion and structure.

Look... you know what I'm gonna say.

You got to have a "what if."

Simple as that.

What if you got locked out of your house?

What if your girlfriend cheated on you?

What if you won the lottery?

Then you would have a story.

Then you would be in business.

I don't know. I know.

Thanks for your time, Professor Schmerz.

Hey, Zeno... how'd it go with Schmerz?

I'm dropping out.

What did he say?

What if.

Fuck that shit. I mean, like, what if you taught script writing at a film school and had no fucking talent?

What if you wrote, like, one movie 19 years ago and it was a piece of shit?

What if you had incurable halitosis?

At least he's got an agent.

Big fuck. My ex-boyfriend's an agent.

The school should get rid of him.

It's just somehow everything he suggests seems totally lame.

Like, it's all shtick.

He's probably got, like, the box set to "Curb Your Enthusiasm."

Or "Seinfeld." Or Woody Allen.

He's such a homophobe.

He's an idiot, and he's old.

He's a dinosaur.

Look, I read your script. It's good.

It's transgressive.

Thanks. I want to start a petition.

I already talked to Phillips about it...

My uncle's on the board.

I'm just, like, done with this shit.

He's so out of here.

Yeah, but, like, what if... What if what?

Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!


Are you David Schmerz?

What if I am?

Then what?

You did what?


Hi, Nana, it's Zoe.

Um, listen, I'm just running a little bit late, but I should definitely be there in, like, in 20...

20, 30 minutes tops, okay?

And I'll... I'll see you soon, okay?

Okay, I love you.

This way. This way.

Yvette! Hi!


Nana! I'm sorry I'm late.

Just the traffic and now with that new highway...


Oh, let me introduce you. This is Fantasy.


That's his actual name. He's, um...

He's got a sister called Dream.




You look really good.


I said you're looking really good.

I heard you.

Fantasy is an artist.

Like Picasso.

He was just in this group show, and it got mentioned in "Artforum" 30 Under 30.

And he was a finalist for a Guggenheim last year.

Oh, I got robbed.

You know, Nana used to do some painting when she was young. Didn't you, Nana?

I posed nude and spread my legs.

That's cool.

Yeah, Fantasy is actually, um, he's involved in installation work.

Not... Not type specific, but more like mixed media.

And, um, he actually finds these dead animals, and he embalms them, and then he sort of roboticizes them into these, like, audio sculptural sort of...

I'm interested in mortality. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean his work is... very exploratory, very controversial.

And you might be thinking that it's sort of like a Damien Hirst derivative, but it's...

Fuck that derivative shit!

But it... But it... But his work is...


His work is actually very, um... you know, social welfare, income gap, inequality oriented.

Fuck Damien Hirst!


I think it's really great that you got a new dog, and it's so cute!

I mean, I think that everyone should have a pet.

What's its name?


Wait, wait, um... Why would... you name it that?

It felt right.


Nana, are y... are you?

Everyone's dying.

I'm going outside. Here.

Take Cancer with you. She has to go.

Um, there's all of this traffic now, and it used to be so quiet here and peaceful and... sound of bird calls.

Do you ever think about moving?


But the highway...

Oh, um...

I got you a little present.

What for?

I just thought, you know... crazy, spur of the moment.

Here, open it.

You open it.

Yeah, okay.

It's, um...

It's an ostrich egg.

It's... It's...

It's supposed to be like a delicacy in South Africa.

People worship it there, and you can fry it or poach it or scramble it or, you know, pickle it or...


Just be super careful with it, Yvette.

It's just really delicate.

I got a part in a movie.

It's a speaking part.

Um, I play... a crack whore, but it's very emotional, super tender.

Very tender.

And it's two scenes.

Nana, I know that I haven't been to visit you in a while.

When was the last time you came by?

I don't know.

Three years.


How much do you need this time?


But it's not 'cause of drugs.

It's just this could be such a big deal for Fantasy.

You know, in this moment of his career and he's...

You know, he's worked so hard and he's so sensitive inside.

And it's... It's for a really, really good cause.

How's your dad?

He's in...

California, I think.

When was the last time you saw him?

We don't speak.

When are you getting married? I don't know.

Um... You know, there's just so much stuff going on right now, and...

Fantasy and I are kind of just taking things easy, you know, 'cause there's no rush, like...

I mean, I'm still young, so...

Don't kid yourself.

Um, you just...

You just forgot to fill out the amount.

No, you fill it out.

I'm no good with numbers.

I'm worried that...

I'm worried that Fantasy isn't faithful to me.

Yo, Zoe!

That's him. I got to go.

Bye, Nana! We'll be back soon.

Thank you!

What happened to you?

I got old.

I don't want to be old. Don't worry.

It will happen so fast, you won't even know it happened.

Do I have to get wrinkles?

They're not so bad.

Yes, they are.

Well, you can always have work done.

You mean Botox?

Who are all these children?


They're all you.

All the different lives you could have had if you hadn't chosen the life you chose.

But I didn't choose.

That's you if you had continued studying art.

And that's you if you had married your true love.

And that's you if you had forgiven your mother.

So many years you never got to know.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.

And that's you if you'd shown kindness to your daughter.

And that's you if you'd learned to overlook others' flaws.

And you if you hadn't given up on life.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello. Hello.

And here's you if you'd ever liked other people.

And you if you'd ever liked yourself.

You if you left bigger tips.

Hello. Hello.

Hello. Hello.

And now it's time to say good-bye.

No. But you have to.

You have to. You have to.


Everything has a beginning. And everything has an end.

No! No!

No! N...





♪ Now long ago ♪

♪ This land was just a-waiting to be found ♪

♪ No one's eyes had seen the vistas ♪

♪ And no feet had touched the ground ♪

♪ The eagle and the sparrow ♪

♪ Were the only ones who'd seen ♪

♪ The purple of the mountains ♪

♪ And the valleys lush and green ♪

♪ But on wagon and on foot, the pioneers began to roam ♪

♪ Crossing mountains, forging rivers ♪

♪ On a quest to find a home ♪

♪ They all had band together ♪

♪ Ah, but legends walk alone ♪

♪ On the trail for something better ♪

♪ And a place to call their own ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ She soldiers on where angels fear to tread ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ Just looking for some shelter ♪

♪ And a place to rest her head ♪

♪ Some see her on the highways ♪

♪ Like a phantom passing through ♪

♪ Phantom passing through ♪

♪ But she never stays for long ♪

♪ She's on the scent of something new ♪

♪ Scent of something, scent of something new ♪

♪ Now some have tried to name her ♪

♪ But she never stayed for long ♪

♪ Long ♪

♪ And some have tried to tame her ♪

♪ Like the singer of this song ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ Like wildfire, her myth and legend spread ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ Just looking for some shelter ♪

♪ And a place to rest her head ♪

♪ A place to rest her head ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ Like wildfire, her myth and legend spread ♪

♪ Her myth and legend spread ♪

♪ Wiener-Dog, Wiener-Dog ♪

♪ Just looking for some shelter ♪

♪ And a place to rest her head ♪

♪ Whoo ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh-ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh ooh-ooh-ooh ooh ♪