Woman on Top (2000) Script

** [ Bossa Nova ]


** [ Ends ]

** [ Bossa Nova ]

[ Narrator ] Once upon a time, in the land of bossa nova, lived a girl named Isabella.

When she was born, the gods blessed her with extraordinary beauty.

But overlooked one itty-bitty flaw-- motion sickness.

Her parents tried everything: conventional medicine, organized religion, alternative religion.

Nothing worked... until Yemanja, [ Thunderclap ] goddess of the sea, took pity on the child and compensated her with a gift.

Too frail to play with her friends, Isabella spent her days in the kitchen with the family cook.

She blossomed into a shy but dazzling girl, who could melt the palates and the hearts of men.

Isabella dreamed of traveling the world and becoming a famous chef.

** [ Man Vocalizing ]

But when she laid eyes on the dashing Toninho, all of her dreams took flight.

** [ Bossa Nova Continues ]

It was love... at first bite.

** [ Singing In Portuguese ]

They fell so madly in love that they knew nothing could ever keep them apart.

[ Cheering ] ** [ Singing Continues ]

[ Sobbing ]

[ Narrator ] With Isabella's exotic dishes, Toninho's new restaurant was the hottest spot in Brazil.

** [ Bossa Nova ] She did all the work.

[ Chatter In Portuguese ] He got all the credit.

And though she got job offers from all over the planet, Isabella's dreams of worldwide glory would melt away... in Toninho's irresistible embrace.


Now, Isabella could control her motion sickness... only by controlling her motions.

If she always drove... [ Portuguese ]

if she always led...

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

[ All Laughing ] if she always stayed on top... everything was just fine.

Ah, but some men must always appear to be men, no matter what it may cost.

[ Gasps ]

Isabella!

Isabella! I'm a man.

I have to be on top sometimes.

Give me the strength, Yemanja.

Please give me the strength to leave him... and Bahia.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Glass Breaks ]

[ Narrator ] Her prayers were answered.

And thus begins our story of love, motion sickness and the art of cooking.

[ Narrator Chuckles ]

[ Toninho ] Isabella!

[ Toninho ] Isabella!

Isabella!

[ Woman On P.A. ] Varig announces the arrival of flight number 732.

[ Continues, Indistinct ]

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

[ Tires Skid ]

Please, I beg you.

There is no way I'm gonna do that.

** [ Woman Singing In Portuguese ]

[ Truck Horn Honks ]

[ Tires Skidding ]

[ Horn Honks ]

[ Trolley Bell Dings ]

** [ Woman Singing In Portuguese Continues ]

[ Screams ]

[ Tires Skid ]

Oh, mon. Lady, what planet you from?

Brazil.

[ Tires Screeching ]

Hello.

Hi. I'm Isabella.

Monica Jones is expecting me.

Ah, yes, of course.

Unfortunately, Miss Monica has been detained.

Detained? What do you mean "detained"?

Oh, nothing serious. For her, I mean.

She'll be back in a couple days. She's left you a key.

Thank you.

Have you known Miss Monica long?

Yes, since we were children. Oh.

But she left.

Bahia has never been the same without her.

I don't doubt it. [ Chuckles ]

[ Grunts ]

I can't take elevators. I walk.

Oh.

[ Mutters, Grunts ]

Thank you.

You're welcome.


** [ People Singing, Chanting ]

** [ Singing, Chanting ] ** [ Drums Beating ]

[ Man ] Yemanja, goddess of the sea... who fills our nets with fish every day, accept our offerings.

[ Portuguese ] [ Portuguese ]

Have you see Isabella?

No. Not since last night. Is something wrong?

Serafina, where is Isabella?

[ Scolding In Portuguese ] Go away!

Hey, wait, wait, wait!

You are the son of a fisherman.

You must make Yemanja an offering.

She always gives you the best fish. Come on.

You can go to hell, Yemanja!

** [ Singing, Chanting Stop ]

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]


[ Raining ]

Good morning. Oh, good morning, Miss Oliveira.

Oh, may I get you a taxi?

I can't take taxis.

Of course not.

Sorry. He's no longer the manager.

Do you have any openings in the kitchen?

Washing dishes.

No, I'm a chef. [ Chuckles ] Of course you are, my dear.

And I'm Jeanne Moreau.

I do wonderful codfish bowls, and I am known for my coconut-basted lobster... with passion fruit dip. Do you do fish and chips?

Sorry? Fish and chips.

It's our most popular special. Thursday nights.

Yes, I can make fish and chips. Maybe in a spicy batter with--

Um, we are fully staffed.

Or plain batter. Really fully staffed.

[ Sighs ] [ Thunder Rumbles ]

Merda!

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

Shit!

[ Speaking In French ]

Monsieur Laroche? Oui.

I'm Isabella. Isabella Oliveira.

And? I was the chef at Yemanja.

In Bahia. Remember?

Oh, Brazil. I remember.

But you, I'm afraid-- You give me your card.

You spoke of a possibility of a teaching position.

Oh, I can't really hire novices.

The spicy seafood soup?

Oh, crustaceans marooned in the most exquisite fragrant broth, laced with fiery chilies.

[ Sighs ] Passion food.

Food of the gods.

But it's too late. The semester has already started.

Perhaps next year, huh?

[ Woman Screams, Dishes Break ] Hyperventilation.

The soufflé fell... again.

Oh, it's a class for the publique générale, two-week course.

Uh, I'm sure you wouldn't be interested. Are you?

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

What happened? Where are the fish?

You shouldn't curse Yemanja.

Good morning. I am Isabella Oliveira, and I am your new teacher.

I come from a place called Bahia, in the northeast of Brazil.

There we have a very unique way of cooking, so I will-- I will not give you my recipes.

I will show you what inspires me, in the hope that you will find your own inspiration. Okay?

I think that to cook well, you must bring all your feelings and experience to the act of creation.

Let's start... with my passion-- chili peppers.

They come from the Americas... and were found here long before the arrival of Columbus.

Hold them in your hand. Notice the colors.

Now sniff.

Okay, what do you smell?

Can you describe the sensation?

How about you?

[ Sniffs ] Oh, I smell... a walk on a moonlit beach in Acapulco.

[ Chuckles ] When did you become a poet?

What do you expect me to say, Esther? It smells like a vegetable?

[ All Laughing ]

So, now here's my favorite-- malagueta pepper.

Don't be fooled by its tiny size.

On the heat scale, it is a very hot ten.

But what I love most about it is its smell, its aroma... and a flavor you can never forget.

** [ Bossa Nova ]


So, when you work with the chilies, remember to coat your fingers with oil so your skin won't burn.

The smooth flavor of a chili... is found on the outside part.

The part that burns are the ribs and seeds.

That's where the fire comes from.

[ Heart Beating ]

[ Knife Slices ] [ All Gasp ]

I'm sorry.

[ Isabella ] I'll be fine.

[ Murmuring ] I'll be fine.

** [ Woman Singing In Portuguese ]

[ Sobbing ]


** [ Woman Continues Singing In Portuguese ]

[ Screams ] [ Man On TV ] And now we wrap tonight's broadcast... with thoughts from best-selling author, Claudia Hunter, whose new book Women Who Love Men They Hate has just hit the shelves.

Women in love with rotten guys.

Are you one of them?

Do you love someone who emotionally jerks you around?

Are you hooked on a handsome, charming, strutting peacock... who makes wonderful love, but keeps you hidden away in a small, dark kitchen?

[ TV Off ] Shut up!

Go home! Go home. Christ.

We have no fish. We have no customers. We have no chef.

Just help yourselves to whatever's left in the kitchen.

Thanks, Mr. Toninho.

Hey, come on, man. Don't be like that.

Ave Maria! Look at the painting!

All of our fish. There they are.

You're drunk. Still, there they are.

Toninho, the fishermen are very angry.

It's a sign. You must make a formal apology to Yemanja.

What she gives, she takes back.

You could lose the restaurant.

She didn't give me the restaurant. I made it, with my own hands.

Every inch of it.

This is my life. This and Isabella.

And no one is taking it away from me!

Toninho, what on Earth possessed you to do what you did?

I mean, when a man truly loves his wife, he never lets her catch him.

It's insensitive. And not so smart.

You are my friends. Why are you making me feel worse?

I do miss Isabella's coconut shrimp.

[ Rafi ] Oh, and her delicious sweet "punhetinhas."

[ Max ] Oye, oye, oye.

Yemanja, bring her back to me.

Gimme a sign, a clue, a phone number. Do something or I'll--

Sign here.

Hoo!

[ Screams ] [ Woman Screams ]

Free at last, free at last! Monica!

I missed you so much. Thank Estée Lauder, I'm free at last!

[ Screams, Laughs ]

She wasn't even pretty. Are you sure?

[ Laughs ] I'm just playing. Honey, he's a man.

They're not like us-- faithful, romantic, selective.

They're like animals on the Discovery Channel. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

That's disgusting. I know.

So, what did you do? Why were you in jail?

Nikos didn't tell you? Remember Dominic? No.

He told me he wanted a real woman that could give him a family.

So, in a fit of pique, I doctored his good-bye drink and muralized the dog.

I used his body as my canvas-- au Dominic.

It's beautiful. In Bahia, they would have given you a medal.

I can't believe the son of a bitch even pressed charges.

[ Chuckles ]

I missed you a lot. You broke my heart when you left Bahia.

What about me, huh? What about me?

It's not my fault. You're my best friend.

You know, "the retard twins."

Little puking girl and the boy in the dress. [ Giggling ]

But Daddy got called home and it was "Bye-bye, Bahia."

The diva had to learn how to be all by herself.

I've never been alone.

One day I was a child in my parents' home, the next a wife in Toninho's.

Well, now, girlfriend, you are going to learn to be on your own.

But I'm so lonely, I can't even cook... without thinking of Toninho.

Yesterday in class, I smelled a malagueta... and nearly chopped my finger off.

Girlfriend, if you love him that much, why don't you forgive him... and go on back to Bahia?

To be locked in a kitchen, while he flirts with woman after woman?

No! What I have with Toninho is not love. It's a curse.

If I want to start a new life, I have to get him out of my head, out of my skin, get him out of me!

Okay. You serious about this curse stuff?

Yes.

He's haunting me.

Then, there's only one thing we can do.

[ Speaking In Portuguese ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

Isabella, what took you so long?

[ Woman Laughing ]

Hello. I can help you, child.

But I warn you, there's no looking back.

Yemanja will take your love to the bottom of the sea, and you will never love Toninho again.

Are you prepared for that?

Are you prepared for that?

Yes.

Okay. This is what you must do.

Find four fat Mephistophelian crabs, the heart of an artichoke, two ripe female mangoes, twelve drops of midnight rain--

Feather of a black rooster.

The eyes of two boiled catfish. Uck!

And finally, sprinkle the ashes of his burnt photograph.

Allow me.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Thunderclap ] [ All Gasp ]

[ Thunderclap ]


[ Birds Twittering In Distance ]


** [ Bossa Nova ]

Okay, how about this? "What's my orientation?"

Every day, we bring out guests, and a local celebrity panel has to figure out if they're gay or straight.

[ Man On Phone ] God, I wouldn't watch that. Yeah, me neither.

Oh, damn it, Cliff. Just find me a 7:30 show... that won't get clobbered by Xena.

I know. I know. I will find you something, Alex. I promise.

Just give me another day. Yeah, well, you better.

Thank you. [ Hangs Up ]

God, I hate my life.

[ Sniffing ]

Thank you. Sure.

Good morning. [ Cliff ] Wow!

Thank you.

** [ Bossa Nova ]

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

** [ Continues ]


[ Indistinct Yelling ]

Good-bye! Good-bye! Sorry!

Good morning. I am Isabella Oliveira. Welcome to my class.

I see a lot of new faces here today.

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

All right! What, are you nuts? You're crazy.

My friend, can you take me here?

Oh, Christ!

There's no address, mon. Uh, I know.

Will that be a problem?

Now crush the garlic in the mortar with a pinch of salt.

Measure with your senses.

In time, your fingers can develop a tactile memory... for just the right amount.

[ Mashing Garlic ]

Mon, you got to ring more doorbells than the Avon lady... you wanna find something by this method.

[ Sighs ] [ Scoffs ]

Sauté the bell peppers, onions, tomatoes and chilies in dende oil.

Then, we add the stock.

[ Sizzling ] And when it comes to a boil, add the shrimp.

You will see that they are ready when they turn pink and begin to curve.

Isn't that beautiful?

To finish, pour into a nice serving dish, and sprinkle a little more cilantro.

Thank you. Sure.

Voila! Moquequa de Camarao.

And remember, the last and most important ingredient... is to share it with someone you love.

I think it always improves the flavor of the dish.

That's all. Thank you. [ Applause ]

[ Sips Loudly ]

[ Gasping ]

Too hot for you? No.

No. Um, it's just new. [ Hiccups ]

Can I talk to you for a sec?

[ Woman On Phone ] But if you call every Monica Jones in the book, then your party must have an unlisted number.

But she's quite unique. She's 5'10", braids, great legs... and she's a man.

In San Francisco, that is not unique.

You know, until two hours ago, my entire definition of cooking was, like, remove tinfoil and nuke.

I have never seen anything like it.

The whole room was bedazzled by you.

Where did you learn that? I was a chef in my husband's restaurant.

[ Trolley Bell Dings ] Ah.

Is that too heavy? No, it's fine. Just fine.

But, anyway, I left him.

Your husband?

That's great! I mean, why?

Well, let's say he was stifling me.

Well, how could he? How could anyone stifle you?

You are so, like, like, the air.

Like the-- Like the wind. Like a fish.

No, not like a fish. [ Man ] Please step inside?

Would you come here? I wanna tell you my idea.

I can't. It's okay. Come on.

I can't, really. No pro-- Come on. It's okay.

You'll be fine. Whoa!

Santo Deus.

Are you all right? I get motion sickness.

Hey, hey, that's nothing. When I get anxious, I get the hiccups.

[ Cell Phone Rings ] Hold on.

Yeah. Hey, Alex. I did it.

I got an idea. We are coming right over. You are going to love it.

Okay. What do you think? A cooking show.

Just like the class-- your recipes, your style.

Everything just the way you want it.

How does that make you feel?

[ Vomits ] [ Man ] You all right?

A cooking show at 7:30, for Christ's sake. It's your wife again, sir.

She says she's got the travel agent on hold. Why not?

Everybody's making dinner. No, they're not.

Everybody's eating dinner. Nobody wants to watch a cooking show.

Alex, just-- just-- just wait one second.

Alex, this is chef Isabella Oliveira.

Isabella, this is our station manager, Alex.

[ Isabella ] Hello. Hi.

A TV show!

[ Screams ] Holy Mary and Rhoda! [ Coughs ]

So, who's coughing?

My producer. Cliff Lloyd... Monica.

Hi. Um-- [ Laughs ]

That's-- It's quite a nice place you got here, Monica.

It's very... artistic.

[ Laughs ] That's amazing how you make that sound like an insult.

[ Hiccups ] Excuse me?

I think I'm making him nervous. No, not at all.

[ Hiccups ] Um, so, Cliff, what's the show gonna be like?

Exactly as Isabella wants it.

How sweet.

[ Man's Voice ] You sure he's a producer? [ Hiccups ]

[ Hammering ]

Excuse me? Yeah?

Why does everything have to be so bright?

It's TV. I know it's TV.

But how would it look if we turned off these?

And these and these.

Uh, I don't know. Give it a try.

Looks good to me.

And that's it for us right now. Make sure you stay tuned... for the premiere of our new feature-- Passion Food Live.

That's coming up next. [ Woman ] And we're out.

Okay. Thanks, everybody. Great show.

T-Tom, are we going to dinner? I've gotta go.

I've got a tanning, a massage, and you're making me late for.

I said we're over. I told you last night, "We are done."

You are dumped! I can't believe this!

You have such serious issues! You are a blithering idiot.

I am not a blithering idiot. I am a public author.

[ Arguing Continues, Indistinct ]

Oh! She looks great.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Let's-- Let's just keep moving here.

Yemanja, I am preparing your favorite dish tonight.

Please don't let me down.

Wow. I really gotta start wearing my hair down.

Okay. In five... four... three--

Good evening. I am Isabella Oliveira, and this is Passion Food.

In this show, you will learn to transform simple ingredients... into sensual, delicious dishes that fire the blood and satisfy the heart.

My God. The camera loves her. It's like a miracle.

And now, I would like to introduce my assistant, Monica.

Hi.

What the hell is that? [ Stammering ] I don't know.

** [ Bossa Nova ]

Play "Seasons," the breaker of hearts.

** [ Begin ]

[ Announcer Calling Play-By-Play, Indistinct ]

[ Chattering ]

[ Patrons Complaining, Indistinct ]

This always happens.

That's it. Don't stop.

It's good for your arms. Coconut milk is the main ingredient in Bahian cuisine.

Hard to extract, but worth every drop of sweat.

So, now ladle some hot water over it and squeeze.

Squeeze.

Squeeze.

And now, we are going to reduce the heat, to bring all the flavors and the scent of the sea.

While it simmers, we are going to cut the tomatoes in quarters.

Make sure your tomatoes are full and plump.

She's a natural. But they should be firm as well. Ripe but firm.

...French bread in coconut milk.

Break the crust so that the milk can penetrate its center.

Uh, whiskey, please. Comin' right up.

Hey, man.

Work it with your fingers till it's pulpy-- Isabella!

That's my wife! That's my wife! Get out of my way!

Do you work her with your fingers until she's pulped?

[ Isabella Continues, Indistinct ]

It'll taste even better if you share it with someone you love.

[ Woman ] And we're out. [ Applause, Cheering ]

** [ Woman Singing In Portuguese ]

Shh! Ladies and gentlemen, I would like to make a toast.

To our cast and crew for an unbelievably successful first show.

And, of course, to Brazil's own gift to us, the extraordinary Isabella!

[ Applause, Cheering ] Hear! Hear!

Oh, whatever. Bravo.

** [ Continues ]

You're gonna change my life.

Hey, taxi! Stop! Stop!

[ Tires Skid ]

How could she? Squeezing her coconuts for all the world to see!

Your girlfriend's a stripper, mon?

Mine too. You get used to it.

There she is! Stop! Stop! Stop!

[ Tires Skid, Horn Honks ]

Isabella! [ Monica ] Oh, my God!

Toninho! Yemanja be praised.

I need to speak to you. Alone.

Uh, Izzy, I'll be right here.

What happened to your face?

What happened to my face? I was defending your honor.

That's what happened to my face.

My honor doesn't need defending.

Oh, no? I travel half the planet searching for the Isabella I know and love, and I find you on TV looking so--

You-- You're looking--

Oh, you look beautiful.

Like when we first met, and I made you my wife.

Your skin tasted of salt. Your hair held the scent of cinnamon.

And when you kissed me, your lips burned with chili pepper.

It made my head spin.

Now, here you are.

Come home with me, where you belong.

I belong where I choose to be, and I choose to be here.

Do you also choose to dress like this?

It's inappropriate. Not in your condition.

And what condition is that? Married to me.

Funny. You don't act married.

For three years, I've been lying flat on my back for you.

For three years. Not to mention little things, like I never get to drive anywhere.

You know, I'm not something that can be moved around like a puppet.

Fine. From now on, you can move wherever you like.

Isabella, I swear on my mother's grave, you are the only woman I ever loved.

Your mother is still alive.

That's not the point. You can't leave me.

You're my wife.

Good-bye, Toninho.

"On your mother's grave"?

Honey, please. [ Laughs ]

Mon, this not going to be so easy.

[ Ringing ]

Isabella? Are you there?

** [ Bossa Nova ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ]

[ Tires Screeching ]

[ Laughing ]

Madame Oliveira. Alberto!

You remember me? Of course I do.

Your show is the talk of the town.

It's an honor to have you here in my restaurant.

But not in your kitchen. Excuse me?

Jeanne Moreau? J-Jeanne Moreau?

It will come back to you. Certainly, madame.

Oh, mon Dieu!

So, what was that all about? Nothing.

I am being bad. You bad?

That's hard for me to imagine.

Oh.

Thank you.

You don't have to buy me flowers.

It's not a date... is it?

You thought it was a business dinner?

Yes.

Oh... well... no.

No?

Oh.

I'm sorry.

I had a great time with you, and you've been wonderful to me, but... I'm not ready yet.

Someday, maybe?

Someday.

[ Isabella On TV, Indistinct ]

That much butter could kill a guy.

That much woman could kill a guy.

[ Isabella ] So, take the banana slices, add some brown sugar and let it melt.

Then, a pinch of ground clove and a generous amount of cinnamon.

Now, we add a dash of cachaca, which will allow the sauce to caramelize.

[ Sizzling ] And remember, you are to cook with your eyes and nose.

God, who the hell is he? And who are those men with guitars?

This way, you will learn to trust your senses.

** [ Singing In Portuguese ]

Cut! No. No, no, no. Let it roll.

Somebody get me some aspirin now.

[ Man ] Hey, it's that guy.

Oh, my God. Did they rehearse this?

Wait, wait, wait, wait! You want him to keep singing?

Yes! Yes! Just go out there and hover.

Keep it moving. Keep it rolling.

Okay. Now we are going to transfer the bananas onto our dessert plate.

** [ Continues ] Put the skillet back on the fire.

And add a little bit of water to the glazing. [ Groans ]

It's a spicy, fragrant dish... that I'm sure you will enjoy.

Thank you.

All right. Just wait one second.

And we're out. Are you out of your mind?

Of course I'm out of my mind. You're avoiding me!

Ignoring me. You're not giving me the slightest chance... to make it up to you, and that's not like you, Isabella.

I'm your husband! This is the husband.

He's cute. [ Groans ]

Take him. Take him. Take him. Come on. This way.

Take him. Good-bye. Whoo! You're outta here.

[ Grunting ] Settle down!

You can't arrest a man for talking to his own wife.

Since when did singing become a crime?

[ Door Slams Shut ]

** [ Bossa Nova ]

** [ Singing In Portuguese ]

Fantastic. We gotta get ahold of this guy. Read this.

Okay. Um, "Isabella's bold, sensual dishes...

"bubble to the pulse of their guitars.

Oh, I can see it now. "A feast for the palate, and now a feast for a girl's eyes too."

Good, huh? Uh, "Bolder than Julia Child, butcher than Ed McMahon"?

Well, that's for Monica, but what can I say? So?

So, I want you to get Toninho and the troubadours back on the set tonight.

[ Stammering ] Isabella hates him!

Oh, you think so. I know-- I know so. She told me.

And you believe her? Yes, I believe her.

Look, Cliff. I'm not blind. You like Isabella.

That's fine. But we happen to be doing a cooking show here.

And this Toninho kid is the missing ingredient.

He may not be good for Isabella, but he's gonna be perfect for the ratings!

I'm telling you, Alex. Isabella will never agree to it.

Well, that's why you're a producer.

No, okay? No! I won't do it!

It's too much. The public loves him. What can I do?

Okay, the public loves him. Then, he can have his own show.

But not with me. Look. I don' like it and you don't like it... and Monica doesn't like it, but the truth of the matter is that the two of you together--

Well, on screen, I mean, have a certain chemistry... that the public... adores.

And the ratings are going up so fast.

[ Sighs ] And the bottom line is... if Toninho's not on the show, Alex said he will either cancel the show... or replace you.

You know... I think you're right.

[ Chuckles ]

Let's see what happens.

Great. I knew you'd understand.

Mmm. Thank you. Great.

I'm just waiting for the other shoe to drop.

** [ Bossa Nova ]

** [ Singing In Portuguese ]

Hey, Tito Puente! You're outta here. Thank God.

Hello. I'm Cliff Lloyd. I'm here to take you to the station.

You're being offered a position on Isabella's show.

I knew she would send for me.

Yeah, well, she didn't. The station manager did. He's the one who wants you.

She doesn't. My friend, you have a lot to learn about women.

Monica, what am I supposed to do about this Toninho guy?

Oh, my God. I'm-- I'm sorry.

What's the matter, honey? Ain't you never seen a girl in her altogether... not all together before? N-N-No.

I mean, yeah. Okay. Stop.

So, you got it bad for Isabella, huh?

Yeah, I guess I do. I mean, what does she see in this guy?

You know, aside from the fact that he is gorgeous, charming and sings like an angel--

Whoo! Mmm!

No, honey, I am just kidding.

So, this is none of my business-- which, of course, makes me much more interested-- but if you're thinking about making a move on Isabella, you might wanna learn a thing or two about Brazilian women.

Like what?

Let me see your watch. Okay.

Thanks.

Tag Heuer. Whoo! Yeah.

What the hell! If you wanna learn about Isabella, honey, you have to learn about Brazil.

That's a $1,000 watch. Now, Brazil is more than a country.

See, Brazil-- it's a sensation.

It's a mood you can't describe.

You can't define it. You can only feel it.

Okay. Try. Try.

It's, uh, it starts in the South, in Porto Alegre, see?

Uh-huh. And it makes its way up to Recife, right?

It's the drums of Candomble.

It's the, the samba of Carnaval... and the tom-toms of the Yoruba.

You know, you feel it in the soles of your feet, up to your knees. to your-- all the way to your heart. Oh!

You forget the watch, okay?

You have the moon. You have the tide. You have the stars.

Isabella is Brazil, and Brazil is Isabella.

And if you want her, don't try.

Don't plan or prepare.

Feel.

Feel.

Whoo! Whoo!

[ Whistle Blowing ]

** [ Bossa Nova ] Melons are like boyfriends. Shall I tell you why?

To get a single good one, you must 100 try.

But why try more than you have to?

Hello. I am Isabella Oliveira.

And welcome to a special edition of Passion Food.

Today, we'll be creating a symphony of fruits from around the world.

We'll be right back.

Cut! Excellent, Isabella. Two minutes, guys.

How does she do that?

Don't try to understand it. Just feel it.

I'm so happy to see you. You look radiant today.

Thank you.

You know, there is something we need to talk about.

What are you doing?

I can't help it.

Can you please stop sniffing my hair? Gimme a kiss.

No.

Just one.

You know...

I think we should get a divorce.

Hmm?

A what? A divorce?

There goes the other shoe.

What the hell is going on? I don't know.

Okay, everybody. Five seconds. We're out of commercial.

** [ Bossa Nova ] In three, two...

[ Mouthing Words ]

When it comes to melons, here is a tip.

Wh-Wh-Wh-Why isn't he singing?

Don't ask, just feel.

I will never give you a divorce. Never!

You're my wife, and I love you! Pull it! Pull it now!

Pull it now. Listen to me!

Wings. Jeopardy! Mad About You.

[ Cliff ] Small World. Infomercials Just get it!

Oh, my God! Whatever, just pull it!

[ Cliff ] You moron! What?

I'm gonna take you-- Oh, man!

You little Latin mambo mouth! Do you know what you've just done?

This is live television. Good. Then, everyone will know how much I love her, you butt-licking, television slave!

Take that... and that! Aah! Aah!

Cavemen! Cavemen!

Shh. You naughty girl, I hardly recognize you.

I hardly recognize myself.

No, Cliff, you're not fired. Not yet.

We're gonna be on the 11:00 news.

"Real-life romance on hot, new cooking show."

[ Laughs ] See ya.

What am I doing wrong? Is it because I love her too much?

If you love her so much, why are you parking... the welcome wagon at the neighbor's?

Oh, you wouldn't understand. You're not a man. Toninho.

Honey, that's probably the nicest thing you ever said to me.

I can't believe that she's punishing me so hard 'cause of one stupid mistake.

One stupid mistake, honey?

You've been smothering her from the beginning.

Stashed away in the back of that restaurant. She was the cook!

The cook? Okay. Father help us, okay? [ Inhales Deeply ]

Let's try the basics. Why don't you try to be her friend?

Her friend? Now trust me. I watch a lot of Oprah.

Friendship is the basis of any good relationship.

A relationship? We didn't have a relationship.

We were in love!

Like Romeo and Juliet. Yes.

Or Tristan and Isolde? Yes!

Sonny and Cher! They all ended up dead. Yes!

Dead, but in love. Except for Cher.

Toninho, you are... a macho, romantic... primitive heterosexual.

Honey, that's so 20th century.

Look. Step into the present, okay?

Look at Cliff. Now he knows how to be her friend.

And I think she's responding too.

Cliff? Yes.

What could she possibly see in that clown? Oh, I don't know.

Apart from the fact that he's sweet and modern and sensitive--

Whock it out! Steel!

I'm just kidding. [ Laughs ]

[ Door Closes ]

What are you doing here?

I thought I could help you at the market.

Like I used to. Remember? May I?

No. Thank you. Mm. All right.

Maybe I could do the shopping for you every day.

This way, you won't have to wake up so early.

Toninho, why are you doing this?

Because I wanna be your friend. My friend?

Yes.

So, you mean if I have a problem with a lover, can I come to you for advice? You have a lover?

Not yet. [ Sighs ]

Do you think you can love someone else?

Yes. No!

For each person, there is only one perfect mate.

The moment we met, I knew it was you, and you knew it was me.

So, if we give up now, you can never love this way again.

Who gave up-- me or you?

I didn't give up.

I made a mistake, and I regret it.

Please, Isabella. Give me another chance.

I-I can't live without you.

I'll do anything you want.

Toninho, don't make it harder.

We can be friends.

But I just don't... love you anymore.

I'm sorry.

[ Rafi ] Listen to me. You gotta come back.

There are still no fish in the sea.

And the fishermen are... desperate.

You're gonna lose this restaurant.

Sorry, Rafi. I can't come home without Isabella.

Give everyone their severance.

Beyond that, I can't say.

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

[ Cliff ] You're becoming a star, Isabella.

Doesn't that make you happy?

I guess.

Look. I did everything I could to get Toninho off the show.

They just-- It's okay.

It doesn't matter anymore.

** [ Continues ]

** [ Bossa Nova ]

** [ Singing In Portuguese ]

[ No Audible Dialogue ] ** [ Continues ]


[ No Audible Dialogue ] ** [ Continues ]

The last and most important ingredient... is to share it with someone you love.

** [ Continues ] Thank you.

** [ Continues ]

** [ Fades ]

Hey. What's up with you?

I don't know.

Everything was going so well.

And I feel as if the wind is blowing right through me.

Oh, baby. What you feel is lonely.

Sweetheart, you need to fall in love again and fast.

Mm. I'm not in the mood for love.

Well, of course you're not. You're out of practice.

It takes an effort. Honey, if you don't eat, you don't get hungry.

[ Door Opens ] Okay, hold on to your peppers.

You are not going to believe this.

The network just called. They are flying in some executives tomorrow.

The show might be going national.

Whoo! Yes! [ Laughs ]

We're going national!

* We're going national * Oh-a, oh-a

* National *

Hey, what's going on?

Aren't you happy? This was our dream.

Well, I am happy. I'm just tired.

Oh.

Will you take me out tonight?

Yeah! Sure.

Great. We can-- We can work on some ideas for the show.

No, not for work, for fun.

Can it be just fun?

Fun?

I can do fun.

Um-- [ Laughs ]

[ Sighs ]

[ Buzz ] [ Grunts ]

Wow. You look beautiful.

Whoa!

[ Keys Hit Floor ]

Isabella.

[ Glass Breaks ]

[ Phone Ringing ]

[ Ring ]

[ Ring ]

[ Answering Machine ] Hi. This is Isabella.

Please leave a message after the tone. Thank you. [ Beep ]

[ Toninho On Answering Machine] Isabella? Are you there?

Isabella, I know you want me to go away, Should I turn that off? and I've given you every reason to.

But I want you to know that whatever you do, I will always love you.

Anyway, here's this for you.

** [ Bossa Nova ]

** [ Toninho Singing In Portuguese ]


[ Cliff Moans ]

Wait!

Oh! Ow!

I want to fall in love again.

** [ Toninho Continues ]

[ Tape Rewinding ]

Isabella. Isabella, wait, wait. What?

Look. There's nothing I would like more--

Did I do something wrong? No, no, no.

I just-- Look. I think this guy still has his hooks in you.

That's not true.

Isabella, I really like you.

I just think you need some time to figure out what you want.

I'll be around.

Good night.

[ Door Closes ]

Oh, it's anemic. It's bloody anemic.

Give me a darker bronze there, will you?

[ Photographer ] Oh, Isabella, ducks.

I'm going to need a big Julia Roberts' smile from you in about 15, okay?

Much brighter, okay? Bring it up a little more. I wanna see her.

Cliff. Yeah.

I'm not sure about this dress.

What are you talking about? You look unbelievable.

Look. It's just for one show.

The executives wanted to see you in something less... ethnic.

Ethnic.

Cliff. Alex on line four. Yeah.

Okay. Look. You look beautiful.

Really. Okay.

[ Sighs ]

[ Photographer ] Right. There we go. Good.

[ Waves Crashing ]

** [ Bossa Nova ]

** [ Man Singing In Portuguese ]

Yemanja, I offer you these pearls... so the fish will come back to Bahia.

But about Isabella-- stay out of my business.

This is her decision. And mine.

When human love is strong enough, no god-- not even you, Yemanja-- can take it away.

Yemanja be praised.

** [ Continues ]

[ Man ] Yeah, that's good. [ Man #2 ] Let's do it.

Oh, Mother! [ Chuckles ]

Who dressed you? Vanna White?

The suits. It looks very bad?

Baby, nothing looks bad on you. You're beautiful.

They better not come near my wardrobe.

Where is Toninho? Toninho quit two hours ago. Isn't that nice?

Stand by, everyone! He quit?

Why? I don't know.

Maybe he went back to his restaurant.

There is no restaurant. He lost it.

No fish, no chef, no Toninho, no restaurant. [ Speaking Portuguese ]

What? Okay, one minute.

[ Monica ] Okay, baby. Snap out of it. We got a show to do.

Come on.

What is this? Tabasco.

I don't use Tabasco. This is Brazilian cooking.

Can I have my malaguetas? Orders from the network.

They said "malaguetas" are too hard for viewers to find.

[ Woman ] Thirty seconds! Don't worry.

What about the lights?

Network wants it brighter.

In five... four... Stop! [ Muttering ]

[ Whispering, Indistinct ]

** [ Bossa Nova ] Good evening. I am Isabella Oliveira.

[ Man ] Uh, Cliff, the gentleman wanted more close-ups on Isabella.

Forget the mariachis. And lose the freak.

She's not a freak. She-- He's really very pleasant.

Hey, hey. Whatever you like, buddy, but not on this show, okay?

Today, we are going to create a classic dish from the north of Brazil--

"Bobo de Camaraoes." [ Man ] Okay, move in.

Stay-- Stay-- Have him stay tight on her.

Don't loose it. Keep it nice and bright.

[ Cliff ] Okay. Think sexy. We're not that interested in the food, okay?

[ Laughing ] Good. Great.

Garnish it with farofa and a sliced avocado.

And be sure and enjoy it with someone you love.

Okay. Good job. Let's go get her. All right?

[ Buzzer Buzzes ]

It was terrific. Brava!

You are going to love being a part of our family, Isabella.

We promise we have big things in mind for you, okay?

It was great! How can you go along with this?

Look. I know it's rough, but they just have... a more streamlined vision of the show because it's going national, and everybody's excited. Vision?

I thought that was my department.

Of course it is, but this is bigger than us now.

And look. These guys love you, Isabella.

In fact, they love you so much, they want you to be the whole focus of the show.

And what does that mean?

[ Stammering ] They think Monica might be too much for the Midwest.

I'm so sorry, Monica.

These guys are businessmen. You know, they can't sell drag in Albuquerque.

Cliff, I'm not going to do the show without Monica.

But you have to do the show. I mean, this is your dream!

This is not my dream. This is your dream.

For me, this is a nightmare. Isabella, please.

You're a star now. You belong to the world, to your fans.

This isn't really your decision anymore.

No? No.

You know what?

I quit.

[ Cheering ]

That creep. He turned out to be just as bad as all the rest.

Well, maybe that wasn't Cliff's finest hour, but I'm sure he wasn't trying to hurt anybody on purpose.

He's just a little confused. Poor baby.

Hey, Izzy.

Let's go home and get wasted. Okay.

** [ Guitar Playing Softly ]

[ Toninho Yelling ] Isabella!

[ Groans ] [ Groans ]

[ Laughs ]

Sweet bird of youth, girl. Come see this. Come on.

Isabella!

I want you to lead when we dance!

I want you to drive the car!

I want you on top!

I wouldn't want you any other way!

Oh, my God. Can you hear me?

** [ Singing In Portuguese ]

Go on! Go, go, go!


** [ Instrumental Continues ]


[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Oh, boy. Love versus voodoo.

Why couldn't you have been like this before?

I don't know. But I'm like this now.

Now is too late.

Kiss me, then tell me that.

[ Thunderclap ]

[ Gasps ] Ooh la la! This looks bad.

Isabella, what happened to you?

[ Sighs ]

What have I done?

Almost.

Get it up.

Let's go.

[ Vomiting, Gasping ]

You're cooking now?

I have to make an offering to Yemanja and ask her to undo the spell.

Isabella, Serafina told you the spell is irreversible. It won't work.

It has to work. She will understand and give me back my love.

But-- Oh!

What's wrong with these stupid eggs? Damn it!

Monica!

Monica!

I've lost it. Oh.

Oh, girl, it's not the prettiest thing I ever seen.

But, um, listen, I'm sure it tastes--

Try it.

Mmm. [ Gags ]

I can't cook anymore. Uh, no.

Honey, everybody has an off day. It's fine.

Look. Everything is ruined!

Okay. Listen. Calm down, okay? We'll fix it.

We'll... use the soufflé as a base, pretty it up with this stuff.

Girl, she'll never know the difference.

[ Thunder Rumbling ]

Yemanja, please... don't reject my offering.

Give me back my love.


Merda.

[ Toninho ] Isabella.

Toninho.

How did you know I was here?

Monica told me.

I came to say good-bye.

I wish there was something I could do.

There is. Why don't we cook something before I go?

For old times' sake. I don't think I can cook anymore.

Neither can I. But together, maybe we can find a way.

** [ Bossa Nova ]

It's working.

** [ Woman Vocalizing ]


** [ Woman Singing In Portuguese ]


[ Thunderclap ]

[ Thunderclap ]

It's salty.

It tastes like seawater.

Toninho. Yes.

I love you. You love me?

Isabella.

** [ Man And Woman ] Singing In Portuguese ]

[ Monica ] Thus, ends our story of Isabella and her Toninho.

They lived happily ever after.

And so did we.

Yemanja be praised.

** [ Man And Woman Singing In Portuguese ]


** [ Continues ]


** [ Up-tempo, Bossa Nova ]


** [ Slower Tempo ]


** [ Ends ]