Wrong (2012) Script


You make us all look like Little Orphan Annie.

We're gonna do it on the air.

The directors turned us off.

Things like that happen at this time of night.

We had quite cool temperatures way off in the northwest...



Come here, boy.

Hey, Mike. Hey, Dolph.

I can't find Paul.

Are you okay? You seem worried.

I told you, I can't find Paul.

I... I woke up and he... he just wasn't there.

Wasn't where? Home.

Where did he go?

I don't know. That's why I'm worried.

Can you come a little closer?

What? Come closer.

You're... You're too distant. Can't communicate.


Come here.


He never takes off on his own like this. It's weird.

Just... I'm afraid something's happened.

Well, I... I don't know, maybe he got hungry.

Went off looking for food somewhere.

No, he wouldn't do that.

I... I feed him very well at home.

And you didn't see him out this morning when you were jogging?

Yeah, I don't... I...

I don't jog.

What do you mean? I know you jog every morning.

No. No, I don't. I...

I'm telling you, I don't jog. I hate running.

Why are you lying? I've seen you run a hundred times.

I mean, why don't you just admit it?

Why don't you just stop worrying about your stupid mutt, okay?

'Cause he'll be back.

Okay? Dogs, they always... They always return to their masters.

It's proven.

Why don't you go throw on some normal clothes and just go off to work and take your mind off things.

It's a robe.

Yeah, well, it doesn't suit you.

And it's pervy and it's disgusting and disturbing me.

Can you just reassure me instead of talking about my robe?

No. No.

I can't right now. I gotta go. I'm in a rush.

I'm thinking about living elsewhere.

Just picking some place random, far away.

Because this life is way too depressing.

I am never ever coming back here.

And you're only taking two suitcases?

Yeah. I'm gonna stay in touch with you, buddy.


I'm gonna miss you.

Jesus Organic Pizza.

This is Emma. How may I help you today?

Are you a pizza restaurant?

That is correct. We just opened.

Would you like to place an order?

No, I'm not really hungry yet.

Maybe you prefer to call back later?

Well, I don't... Maybe. I...

I just wanna hear a little more first, like, for instance...

Who delivers the pizza?

A delivery person, sir.

In a truck? No, in a car.

And how is it presented?

Is it delivered in a bag?

No, in a box, sir.


One of those cardboard pizza boxes with the logo printed on it?

That's right, one of those boxes.

Okay. Out of curiosity, what is the logo?

The logo is a rabbit on a motorcycle, sir.

The same as on the flyer? Exactly.

Why a rabbit?

I think it symbolizes the speed of the delivery.

But I'm not 100% sure that's the reason.

It's just my interpretation.

I could check with the manager.

Yes, please. That'd be nice.

Okay, please hold.

Sir? Yes.

My manager just confirmed that the rabbit indeed does symbolize the speed.

/ was right. Okay.

Would you like to place an order now or would you rather wait until you're really hungry and call back then?

I... I think that...

Can you hold on a minute, I'm getting another phone call.

Okay, just don't hang up.

Yes. Hello, Dolph.

It's Victor.

Victor, how are you? I'm fine.

Um, actually if you turn around, I'm right here.


- Hey. Yeah, I know. I saw you come in.

Quick, what do you want?

Well, we have a big prob/em with the palm tree.

What is it?

I'd rather you come and see for yourself because of...

I'm not comfortable telling you over the phone, it's quite odd.

I'm on the other line. Can we talk about it later?

Yes, of course, sure. You're... You're the boss.

- Okay, we'll... we'll get to it later. Good.

- B ye. B ye-b y.


Are you still there? Of course, sir.

Yeah, come to think of it, actually something does not sit well with me regarding this logo.

What is it? Well...

I get the whole idea about a rabbit being fast.

I mean, that makes sense. But why a motorcycle?

The rabbit's fast enough on its own, so the motorcycle's overkill.

I mean, don't you think that's a little weird?

Yeah, it's true. I haven't thought about it, to be honest.

Now that you've pointed it out, it strikes me as strange too.

Because now I think of the motorcycle as being fast, not the rabbit.

I mean, even if he's driving it, he's no longer the cause of the speed.

Technically, the motorcycle is.

Yes, I agree it's a bit ambiguous.


Um, well, I don't... I'm not gonna be ordering anything just yet.


I understand, sir.

I mean, the logo was ill-conceived.

It must be unsettling.

No, it's not that. I'm... I'm just upset today.

My dog is gone and this takes my mind off it.

You know, I just called you to give myself a distraction.

This was lovely.

I... I loved this conversation.

I... I hope to speak with you again.

You know where to reach me. My name is Emma.


And what's your name?

It's Dolph Springer.

Very well, Dolph. Goodbye.

Texture, not the color. Certainly comes in many colors...

Can't pass through, sir. Street's closed.

Turn around.

What happened here?

Why do you wanna know?

I'm from the neighborhood.

And I... I drive by here every day.

So I'm curious why there's a charred car here.

Well, let me go find out.

Okay. I gotta be honest with you.

I just pretended to get information from that guy over there to make you believe I was getting the answers.

But the reality is, I had no need to enquire.

'Cause I know exactly what happened.

And I could have told you from the beginning.


I just don't feel like telling you... sir.

You understand? Um, yeah.

Good. Turn your car around.

Now, please.

Hey, Dolph.

Why do you keep coming here?

Why wouldn't I? I like this job.

Is that a problem? No, no. We... We all do.

It's just a little different in your case.

You were fired three months ago.


What difference does it make?

Well, it's a little weird to come back to a place where you've been let go.

And besides you don't even conform to office hours.

Yeah, and your computer's not even turned on.

You're pretending to work. It's bullshit.

What the fuck do you care?

What if I like it?

Okay, I'm... I'm sorry, Dolph.

But if you keep coming here, I'm gonna have to report you to the board.

Me, too.

You disgust me. I can't even look at you.

Richard, wanna have lunch?

Buy you a burger for old times' sake.

No. I mean, break's over in three minutes and the others will just reject me if I keep being your friend.

Okay. Never mind.

Bye. Bye, Dolph.

Goodbye. Take care.

Those fuckers!


I'm done for today, boss.

Um, we really have to talk about the... the palm tree.

Did you notice anyone come by while I was gone?

Those are flowers.

Yes. Victor, did you see anybody come by?


I hate to bother you about this, boss, but we really have to talk about the palm tree.

We have a problem.

What is it?

It's kind of hard to explain.

I don't know how it happened or why, but the palm tree is no longer a palm tree.

No. What are you talking about?



That's why I wanted to show you.


Twenty years of gardening, I've never seen this in my whole life.

I can't get over it.

It's a pine tree now.

I know. It's crazy.

Well, how is that even possible?

I don't know, boss.

Maybe it's a disease or some kinda mutation.

I gotta look up on the Internet.

Well, I... I don't want a pine tree here.

I don't like this at all.

The palm tree was much more fitting.

Excuse me. Is there a Dolph here?

Yeah, that's me.

I have a pizza here for you.

No, I didn't order a pizza.

I... I called, but I didn't order.

So, that's... that's a mistake.

Nope. It's on the house.

What do you mean "on the house"?

Who sent it?

I don't know, sir. I was asked to bring it to you.

Just doing my job.

Yeah, okay, here.

Enjoy. Thank you.

You're sure getting a lot of stuff today, boss.

I didn't ask for any of this.


Look, does that logo make any sense to you?


They're fast, I would say.

So, what do we do now?

I don't know, boss.

Do you want me to take the pine out and replace it with another palm tree?

Could you do that? Would that be too complicated?

No. It would cost a little, but it's doable.

How much?

I don't know, 500.

Yeah, okay. Yeah, do it.

Do it. You're sure?

Yeah, I can't leave this pine tree here. This doesn't make any sense.


Who is this?

It's a good thing you called.

Is this a joke? Who... Who is this?

You've lost your dog, haven't you?

Mike, is that you? Is this...

Are you fucking with me? You are lame.

Answer me.

Yeah, you can drop the mysterious voice now.

I'm not buying it at all, it's ridiculous.

Don't you have anything better to do?

Dolph, listen to me carefully.

This isn't Mike and it isn't a joke. I'm deadly serious.

You've lost your dog, haven't you?

Yeah, I can't find my dog. What do you care?

We must meet.

I don't understand.

That's all I can say on the phone. We must meet soon.

It's about Paul.

Meet me tomorrow at 11:00 a.m. on the dot.

Latitude 34.11, longitude negative 117.

I'll explain everything.





Is this Dolph?

Um, yes.

Yes, it is Dolph. It's me Dolph.

I don't recognize your voice.

It's maybe because I smoke a lot of cigarettes today.

That's Why.

Okay. I smoke too, all the time.

It's so pleasant.

It's true, I... I agree.

So, how have you been since this morning?

I've been well. Thank you.

So you sent me the pizza?

Yeah, that was me.

Okay, that was you. That... That was very nice.

Thank you very much.

Well, did you get my note?

Yes, I'm looking at it right now.

It's right in front of me.



Are you interested in my proposition?

Yes, I'm interested.

I am very, very interested.

Very much.




Come and get it!

Come here, boy!


Hello. Hi.

Master Chang has sent me to warn you.

He'll be running a little late.

Master Chang? Yes.

You're meeting Master Chang.

I didn't know.

I mean... I mean, I know I'm meeting someone, but I didn't know he had a funny name.

He also said I should give you this.

To make the wait more agreeable.


So, when is he coming?

You know, 'cause I have a busy life.

I had to take off work.

We know you're not working, Dolph.

You were fired three months ago. You have all the time in the world.

Yeah. But, no, 'cause I still go to the office.

I highly recommend you read this book. It's life changing.

Yeah, I'll see. Can't promise anything.

What are you doing?


Listen, last night was the best night of my life.

I loved everything.

Good. I have to go to work.

Really, thank you very much.

I'm gonna leave my husband today.

'Cause I wanna live with you now.

So I'm gonna dump that asshole. I wanna start over with you, Dolph.

You know, build something strong.


Thank you very much for the pizza.

Okay, you're welcome.

Take care.

Sir, I took it upon myself to paint your vehicle blue.

But it's not necessary. I like it red, thank you.

Very well. Maybe next time.

Maybe next time, thank you.

"Blindfold your dog with an opaque scarf

"and secure a garlic clove close to his snout.

"Then spin him around for a couple of seconds so as to disorient him.

"Then run away from him as fast as you can in a serpentine fashion.

"If he succeeds in tracking you, "you can be sure his sense of smell is excellent."

I'm going to get out of the limousine and walk into the forest, away from curious eyes.

Wait awhile, then fol/me.

You did good to come, Dolph.

That was the right decision.

I didn't have much of a choice.

You always have a choice.

When I was 16, a friend dared me to douse my face with acid.

It was stupid. I wanted to impress him.

And I did it without thinking about it, but I did have a choice.

Look at me now.

Who are you? I'm a man just like you.

But I want to tell you a bit about what I do for a living.

It might be of interest to you.

I'm the founder of a company that specializes in abuse prevention for pets.

I love pets more than anything in this world and I can't stand the thought of them being hurt.

Most people buy pets without considering the implications.

They love them at first and care for them, but then lose interest day by day and start neglecting them.

They stop loving them.

Causing the pets tremendous emotional pain and they're unable to express it.

That's how the dynamics of abuse set in.

I've never abused my dog.

I don't know why you're... Let me finish.

Rather than taking action after the harm is done, and it's basically too late, I favor prevention.

I only realized I loved my face after it had been burned with acid, but it was too late.

Before, it was just my face, I didn't know I loved it.

I only started loving it again when it had partially disappeared.

Do you follow? Not really.

Man gets accustomed, inured to things rapidly.

He gets used to everything.

When you get a new jacket, you are happy to wear it.

But that joy wears off, you get accustomed, and after a few days that jacket doesn't bring you any joy at all.

On the other hand, if that jacket is stolen from you, desire ignites again inside of you.

All of a sudden, you'll miss that jacket and you'll love that jacket again.

Same goes for shoes or love.

It's a simple concept.

My company kidnaps pets so the owner can have a chance to realize how much their pets mean to them.

After a few days, we return the pets and the owner's attitude, vis-a-vis the pet, is completely reversed.

He loves them like he did on the first day.

Sometimes even more.

You kidnapped Paul? Correct.


I just told you why.

No. Why me?

Completely random choice.

That's awful.

Who do you think you are?

Can I have my dog back now, please, so I can love it a bit more? Is that it?

That's what would happen usually, yes.

But I have to tell you, we've had a little problem with Paul.

It's quite embarrassing. In seven years of service, this has never happened.

The technician who was assigned to Paul's kidnapping, yesterday morning lost control of the vehicle.

We don't know how or why.

The van crashed and the technician perished in the flames.

Paul was in the back in a cage.

God. No, don't worry about that.

The police report was crystal clear on that point, no dog bones were recovered from the scene.

And apparently the cage door was open.

This leads to believe that Paul successfully escaped the fire.


The cage was open.

He has to be alive. Don't worry, there is hope.

I've hired a top-level detective to track him down.


I forgot to give you this. This should help.

Yeah, that's okay. I already have it.

No, this is Volume ll.

Forget the first one, I completely denigrate it.

Volume ll is much more mature, you'll see.

Amongst other things, I approached the subject of telepathic communication with your dog to stay in contact even when you're apart.

It's groundbreaking. You'll learn a lot about yourself and animal nature.

Can I still communicate with him if he's dead?

Are you Dolph Springer? Yeah, that's me.

I'm the detective in charge of finding your dog.


My name is Ronnie.

Do you mind if I come inside and take a look?



That must really get you down, seeing his empty basket right there.

Yes, it's awful.

I understand.

Has he always slept in this room?

No, no. First the basket was in my room and that lasted a few years.

Did you decide to change or did he?

Can't remember. It just happened.

Did he like this toy?

Yeah, very much.

Is it one of those wheezy things?


Did he bite it to make it wheeze or was it more of a comfort thing to make him feel safe?

At first he loved the sound it made, but the apparatus broke and then it just... just became a comfort thing.

That's classic.

Can I ask you something?

Have you worked a lot with that Master Chang character?

Do you know him well?

No, not really. We've spoken on the phone a couple of times, but that's pretty much it.

Is that Paul's food?


Does he favor any particular brands or is he pretty easy?

He's easy.

Well, I think that about covers it.

I've taken up enough of your time.

Is there anything else you'd like to add, maybe an anecdote or a bit of information?


Do you want to see a picture of him? It might help you to recognize him.

No, there's nothing more a picture would tell me.

I've gathered up enough information.

I was wondering, however, if you have a bit of fecal matter from your dog?

Excuse me?

A bit of excrement, shit from Paul?

No, I don't do that.



What do you think, boss? Do you like this?

Well, it's tiny. Mine was much bigger.

I know, I'm sorry.

This is the biggest they had.

It's still better than a pine tree, no?

You have to keep in mind that this will grow. It will grow, they said.


420, 440, 460, 480, 500.

Thank you very much, boss.

So what did you do with the pine tree?

I gave it away to a charity that tends to needy children.

Very needy children.

That's great. That's exactly what I would have done.

I'm proud of you. Thank you.

They'll probably use it for Christmas.

I hope so.

By the way, before I forget, you have to meet Master Chang at his office between 2:00 and 3:00. It's very important.

But how do you know Master Chang?

I don't.

Then why did you just mention him?

I have no idea why I said that.

I don't understand, boss, it's very strange.

As if someone spoke through me.

Who? I don't know.

I have no idea. I feel dizzy now.

Are you okay? No.

I don't feel good. I...

Would you like a glass of water? Please.

Please, yes.

I think I'm going to faint, boss.


Is there a problem?

Yeah. He's dead. What?

How? Cardiac arrest.

Probably just overexerted himself or something.

His muscles were all contracted.

I don't know, maybe lifted a tree or something like that.

Yeah, he carried a small palm tree about 10 minutes ago.

Well, there you go. It's probably what did it.

Holy shit!

Yeah, it happens.

I was just bringing him a glass of water.

May I? Of course.

Here. Yeah.

Victor's gone. Darn, so sudden.

I needed that.

Well, I'm sorry. Sorry about that.

Take it easy.

One more thing before I forget.

Master Chang wanted to meet you at his office today between 2:00 and 3:00. It's very important.

Mike! Dolph!

Dolph, can you hear me? Yeah. Where are you?

I don't know. Somewhere.

I just completely disregarded all road signs.

I haven't slept since I left.

I just drove and drove and drove.

I gotta be pretty far out by now.

I'm exhausted, Dolph.

I think I'm at the end of the world.

Do you like it?

I don't know yet.

I gotta be honest. It's... It's a bit unsettling, you know, all this void.

But it's... it's also kind of pleasant.

There's nothing, it's... it's soothing.

I can imagine.

Yeah, well, it's given me some time to ask certain questions about myself, you know.

Good, that's good.

What kinda questions?

You know, just personal stuff.

Deep stuff.

Just downright deep stuff, like...

Why it is that there is this block?

I mean, you know this... this block that I have.

No, I don't.

You know.

It's a silly block I have about the whole jogging thing.

Why I can't admit that I jog?

What... What is that about, Dolph?

I think about it all the time. I mean, why... why do I do that?

I mean, it's just constantly gnawing at me, but I... I can't stop it.

Yeah, I understand. You know, there's no shame in jogging.

At all. I mean, there's nothing bad about it.

I don't jog.

I swear. I hate running.

I always have.

Do you believe me?

I believe you, Mike. Don't worry.

So, where are you going?

I think I'm just gonna drive.

Straight ahead.

I kinda want to see what's after.

By the way, Master Chang would like to see you today.

He's expecting you to come by the office.

Try to stop by, Dolph, it's important.

Yeah, I'm... I'm there now.

I... I better go, I don't want to be late.

All right. Well, you take care of yourself, Dolph.

Okay. Bye. Good luck.

Dolph! Come in.

Hi. Please, take a seat.

You seem better than the last time I saw you. Am I wrong?

My gardener died this morning.

He had a stroke right before my very eyes.

And I still haven't found the dog you stole from me.

So, I can't really say I'm doing better.

Did you get a chance to read my book? Partially.

The chapter on telepathy is particularly interesting.

I'm... I'm just beginning phase seven.

It's the most important phase.

Yes, I know.

I have two things to tell you.

The first, it's that I had a very surprising dream last night.

And that dream concerns you.

I have to tell you. It will be worth your while.

You were walking down the street wearing the clothes you have on your back.

You seem worried.

Kind of like you are right now, but even more worried.

And you had blood on your face.

I'm not sure why. Anyway, you were ambling along and all of a sudden, your dog Paul passed you by in a bus.

In a bus? Yes, he was seated in a bus.

Like a regular commuter.

Paul saw you walking down the street.

When the bus stopped, Paul got off and he ran as fast as he could to be reunited with you.

It was very beautiful and very moving.

Odd, isn't it?

I just had to tell you.

Yeah, it's odd.

So, what was the second thing you wanted to tell me?

The second thing is that I have a small favor to ask of you.

One of my clients didn't cope very well with the disappearance of her dog and she hastily bought a better one to fill the void.

Unfortunately, she instantly formed a bond with the new dog.

And now she won't hear of the old one which she no longer loves.

And now I have an extra dog on my hands.

In seven years of service, this has never happened.

I'm really embarrassed.

What do you want me to do about it?

Well, I was thinking, you could keep the orphan dog at your place until I find a foster family.

I don't think that's a good idea. I sincerely think it is.

Beyond the favor you would be doing for me, it would be beneficial to you while you wait for Paul's return.

And Paul comes back in a bus, is that it?

No, when the top-level detective I've hired finds him.

Yeah, well, if I may say so, Master Chang, I don't think that detective is all that competent.

Rene, bring Joshua in.

Seriously, I'm not interested. Forget about it.

You should really think about it. No need.

Paul's the only one I've ever loved.

Other dogs bore me, so don't insist.

I bet you'll change your mind once you see Joshua.

I don't think so.

No way.

I'd say "yes" if I were you.

You have no idea the consequences of what your refusal might be.

Yeah, aren't you the one who says, "We always have a choice"?

Yes, you always have a choice.

Then it's no.

Thank you.

Excuse me. Is this Dolph's house?

Yes. Why?

Um, just I need to see him.

Do you know when he'll be getting home?

I'm him. What?

I'm Dolph Springer. What do you want?


You just... You look so different from last time.

Last time?

Your face has changed so much.

I hardly recognize you.

Dolph, is that you?

Yeah, I am Dolph.

Um, do we know each other?

Honey, it's me.

I... I left my husband. I'm yours now.

I belong to you.

What are you talking about?

You... You can't belong to somebody who doesn't even know you.

It doesn't make sense.

No, I know that one night is a short time to spend together and this might feel rushed, but I just feel something really strong between us, Dolph.

God. There you are.

I recognize your eyes.

That look. At once mischievous and completely lost.

Trust me, we're gonna be so happy together.

I just... I love you so much already.

My God.

Babe? Honey?

Dolph! Look.

Have you ever seen one of these?

It's a trick yo-yo. Look, it doesn't go.


My God.

You're gonna love this. You are gonna love it.

My dad gave it to me for my 19th birthday. It is so cute.

And it gives off the most beautiful glow.

I'm gonna read.

Don't you give off a beautiful glow?

You do. Yes.

Come on, let's go find a place for you.




Honey, can I use this empty closet for my gowns?

It'd be perfect. What do you think?

Honey, answer me!

Are you cool, me taking this closet?

It'd be really convenient.

Honey? Honey?

Honey? Answer me! Fuck!

I don't give a shit, okay?

Just take all the closets.

I am on phase seven, okay? This is crucial.

Just leave me the fuck alone.

Okay, honey, I'm sorry.

You know, anyway I think I changed my mind.

And I'm gonna use this closet for my shoes and I'll use the other one for my clothes.

It will be easier that way.

Great. Great.


Paul, can you hear me?


Come on.

Come here, boy.

Don't be scared.


I'm so glad to hear you.

You're here.

There, there, okay. Good doggy.

I missed you so much.

You wanna come home soon?

Dolph? Is that it?

Is that what you're trying to tell me?

Yeah, that's what...

What are you doing, Dolph? You're gonna come back.

Paul? Open your eyes.

I have something to say. Paul, where are you going? Paul!

Look at me. Why are you leaving? Paul!

Dolph, look at me.

I'm pregnant.

I'm pregnant with your child.

You're fucking what?

Yeah, you did...

Master Chang's technique worked.

I completed phase seven.

I heard him bark. I heard him.

He... He came to see me. He came to see me.

I... I could almost smell him.

Paul came to see me.

I can't fucking believe it worked.

Who's Paul?

Hi, boss. Victor.

What are you doing here? Well...

You didn't seem very happy with the size of the palm tree, so I felt bad about it, like I failed in doing my job or so.

Then I racked my brains and I think I found the solution to make it look taller.

Wonderful. How... How are you gonna do it?

Well, it's quite simple.

What I'm going to do is, uproot the palm tree, create a 3-foot high molehill, and then replant it on top of it.

That way it will look taller.

That's not a bad idea.

I'm looking forward to seeing it. Thank you.

I'm gonna go to work for a couple of hours.

Good. It will be finished when you come back from work.

Okay. Great.

Um, there's hot coffee in the brewer, if you'd like.

Thank you. You're very kind, boss. Thank you.




Have you been up long?


You've changed again, my love.

Really? I changed?


I think I like you better this way.

Dolph Springer.


Sure. I'm on my way.

Come in.

You wanted to see me, boss?

Yes. Shut the door, we need to talk.

Grab a towel.

Put water everywhere.


All right, yeah. Cover my chair.

What's going on?

Dolph, I've received several complaints from your colleagues.

It appears as though, although you've been let go three months ago, you have continued to come in to work and have been pretending to work.

Is that true?

I'm not hurting anyone and I'm... I'm keeping to myself.

You haven't answered my question.


But I'm only here a couple hours a day and my desk is vacant most of the time, so I don't see what's the problem in that.

I'm very discreet.

And I... I like to pretend to work.

So, is that a crime?

It's debatable.

I don't have a problem with it necessarily, but it seems to perturb your coworkers.

Each time they complain, they're losing focus and efficiency.

If it were up to me, you can move in here.

But my main concern right now is my business' welfare.

I do hope you understand.

You can't fire me 'cause I've already been fired.

This is a little bit different, yes.

I'm ordering you to never set foot here again.


I don't ever wanna see you on the premises again, Dolph.

Is that clear?


I'm sorry. I... I just...

My mind was elsewhere and I...

Ronnie would like to see you today.

He's made some progress with the investigation.

He's got a bona fide lead.

Ronnie? Yes.

The top-level detective Master Chang hired.

Okay. Great.

Here's his address.


Hey, honey? What about Jenny?

Who? Jenny, if it's a girl.

I don't know her.

No, I'm asking what you think of the name.

I don't really know.

It sounds stupid, I would say.



Okay, then... Well, if it's a boy, I really like Oscar.

What do you think?

Listen, I am busy right now, so if you can leave...

But, honey, this is like super important.

I mean, it says in this book that a first name predetermines the human being's personality.

For instance, Bruno is a bad choice.

Okay, apparently it's been proven that all Brunos eventually hang themselves.

You know, I really liked Jenny.

They're saying here that they're cheery and normal.

Are you sure you don't like it?

Are you even listening to me?

Of course, yes.

And what are you doing with those tools?

I have to build a mound for the palm tree because it's too short.


I don't know. Sometimes it happens, it's too short, this one.


I... I think this is it.

This is what? Fuck!

I think I'm in labor.

Really? Why?

I don't know. I don't know how it's possible, but it's happening.

It's happening? I don't understand.

I... I need to get to the beach.

Now? To the beach?

No, no, no. No, it's not possible.

I've not finished the mound, so I'm sorry.

Very bad timing, sorry.

No, no, no, Dolph, I've always dreamed of giving birth on the beach.

So, we... we have to.



Does it hurt? I love you.

Can you believe this is happening to us?

Do you realize how beautiful this is?


I just hope I have enough gas because my fuel gauge is broken, so I never know if I have enough gas or not.

Hi. May I help you, sir?

I'm looking for Ronnie, the detective.

Yes. Follow me.

Ronnie, you have a visitor.

Dolph, I was expecting you.

I know.

Have a seat.

Just tell me the truth right now. You haven't found Paul.

No, I haven't. But any minute now.

I think you're gonna be very surprised.

What I'm about to show you is highly interesting.

See for yourself.

What is this? I don't... I don't understand.

That's Paul.

What do you mean? I don't see anything.

Where's Paul?

That's Paul from the inside.

The inside? Yes.

We've accessed the turd's memory.

The one I picked out from your garden?

Those are its first memories from within Paul's intestine.

I'm sorry, I don't get it.

Okay, it's very simple.

I've plugged Paul's shit into a device that lets me gather data and convert that data into video signals.

Then, I've also plugged it into another device which lets me scan that same shit's subconscious, as I please, and record the information.

Okay, okay.


What we're seeing are Paul's turd's memories.

Yes, that's it, exactly.

I've taped it all on cassette.


Anything is possible with technology nowadays.

Well, why is the image so bad?

It's an old monitor. Don't worry about that.

Okay, um, and... and what are those numbers?

You can see them right there, here.

That's the date and the time. It's 7:12, the day Paul disappeared.

I think you're still asleep.

Paul is alone in the yard.

Yeah, I... I usually sleep later than that.

And how do you know he's in the yard?

Let me fast-forward, I'll show you. Okay.

There. It's now 7:25 and the turd is nearing the exit.

Can you turn the volume up?

No, there's no audio.

It's now 7:26, and the turd has exited Paul's body.


We are no longer inside Paul, but on the grass in your yard.

And there's your dog who just finished serving his bodily functions.


Yes, that's him.

God, it's so good to see him.

Now, pay attention to what happens next.

It all happens very fast.

You see that van in the back over there?


Look carefully at what's about to happen.

There. Did you see it? Paul has been kidnapped.

Yeah, I know.

Now, the good news is, I have been able to zoom in on the front of the van and recover the license plate number.

And I'd say we're only a couple days away from nailing that fucker and finding Paul.

Wait, hold on.

What... What do you mean you know?

I know.

What do you know?

I know Paul's been kidnapped.

Are you fucking with me right now?

No. I thought you knew.

You didn't... You didn't tell me?

Why did I bother investigating then?

Well, I thought Master Chang would tell you.

Well, he didn't. He just said to find your dog.

Are you fucking with me right now?

You should've told me.

You're the detective.


I'm the detective...

Ronnie, sorry to interrupt. Master Chang just called.

He said to drop the Adolf Springer case.


Actually it's Dolph Springer, it's not Adolf.

Right, sorry. Dolph Springer.

Master Chang said not to pursue and he asked that you cease the investigation.

Fuck! Why? Did he say why?

It seems Mr. Adolf refused to do him a small favor and it peeved him.

Are you fucking kidding me? Who does that?

You don't halt an investigation halfway through it.

Shit! Is he going to pay us or not?

I... I sent the second invoice yesterday.

Master Chang's accountant didn't seem too pleased.

I'm worried they might stiff us.

Fuck! Son of a bitch!

Motherfucker! Son of a bitch! Fucking cocksucker!

I told you to get that invoice approved by that bitch ahead of time.

Shit! Shit!


Take it easy.

You... This is all your fault.

You are never gonna find your fucking dog.

Never! Now get the hell out of here!

Daddy, Daddy, look what I found. Isn't it great?

What is this?

Is it an urchin?

No, it's not an urchin.

What is it then?


It's difficult to explain.

Is it a starfish?

No, I don't think so, kid.

Don't call him "kid".

It's weird.

Sorry, son.

I don't want to be a gardener when I grow up, it sucks.

It's a broken wine bottle.

Yes, that's what it is.

What's it for?

Well, when it's not broken, you put liquid in it and then you drink that liquid.


Daddy! Daddy!

Daddy! Daddy!

I've always dreamed of giving birth on the beach.

You gonna get on?

Changed my mind.

I had every intention of boarding when I raised my hand a moment ago.

But I don't want to anymore.

What made you change your mind so suddenly?

I don't like you, that's what.

You don't even know me.

I've seen enough to make an assessment.

It's no use coaxing me.

Once my mind's made up, I never waver.

I'll take the next one.


Come on, darling.


Very moving.

Good. We can go now.

Okay, Master.

What is next?

Mrs. Weller is reuniting with her cat in 15 minutes, not far from here.

Okay, let's go there.

I like her.

Mike, it's me. You're not gonna believe this.

I found Paul.

Call me back as soon as you can.

I have to tell you about it. I'm so relieved.

I hope your trip is going well.

I'm waiting for your call. Bye.